After The Rain, Where Dreams Take You
by luvjordan
Summary: Story picks up where the series left off. Please read & review. Note: Chapter 1 has been edited. Note 2: This story is on HIATUS. It has NOT been abandoned. I'd never do that. Updates should begin again in the new year (2013). Please put the story on alert so that you're notified when I update. Thanks for sticking with me.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **

**11/14/2011: This is the re-edit of Chapter 1, which was originally posted way back in 2009. This was my first attempt at fan fiction and since I had no clue what I was doing, much of what I wrote resembled a script or a screenplay. Since then, I'm happy to say that my writing has evolved and I wanted to make this first chapter consistent with the others. Hopefully, the original version wasn't a turn off to too many people. Looking back now, I'm not sure I would have continued reading. Thanks to all of you who did. I'm sure this version will read a bit better than the last. Thanks again.**

_**~Luvjordan**_

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.**

**Aftermath**

Angela sits quietly, staring out of the window, her thoughts swirling.

"_Did Brian just admit to writing that letter? That incredible, beautiful letter? How could Brian be capable of writing something so completely amazing? What does this mean? Oh God, Brian Krakow is like in love with me? Oh my God, it's not possible, please God tell me it's not possible…I'm like, Brian's Jordan? Could this night get any worse?"_

Her silent plea to heaven above is cut short when she hears Jordan speak.

"You okay? Angela?" He asked tentatively, glancing at her briefly. She's unable to read the look on his face, never having seen it before. It looked like guilt, or maybe fear, but then again it looked like neither.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess." She mumbled back at him.

Jordan pulls into the parking lot of a local playground. His shoulders seem heavy as he reaches forward to turn off the ignition. They sit in silence for a minute. Had she been looking at him, Angela would have notice the three false starts to this impending conversation. She would have seen his knitted brow and notice the way he gripped the steering wheel as he thought of how to begin. Instead, she remained lost in thought, staring out of the passenger side window. Hearing him clear his throat, she turns her head slightly, though she's still not looking at him. Jordan can tell this is going to be bad already. There has never been a time in their history when she _wouldn__'__t_ look at him, except after the incident with Rayanne and that had caused them to end horribly. He imagined this conversation would take the same route, braced himself and started talking.

"I came by because there's something you need to know." He began. "I tried to tell you today in the hallway, but you were like, all happy and I couldn't believe you were actually forgiving me. I didn't want to screw that up, but I told you before, I never lied to you." Jordan takes a deep breath. "I didn't write that letter. I meant everything it said, I can even tell you what it said word for word, that's how much I meant it, but I didn't write it."

Jordan thought to himself, _Okay,__that__'__s__it.__We__'__re__done.__Good__job,__Catalano.__Idiot!_

His confession hung in the air between them, almost a tangible thing. It felt like a barrier to each of them, this _thing_ that had been erected between them and around which neither was sure they'd find their way.

Angela stared straight ahead, looking through the windshield, her face void of all emotion, which in Jordan's mind was far worse than facing her anger or her tears. He took it to mean she no longer cared one way or the other. He didn't think anything could be worse than having her hate him, but having her not care at all, that suddenly seemed so much worse.

"I know." Angela finally responds in what is almost a whisper.

"Brian told you." _Did__he__just__say__Brian__instead__of__Brain?__Focus,__focus._

"No, it's not important who told me. I know that Brian actually wrote it. He tried to deny it, but I know it was him." She answered, her voice hollow and far-away sounding.

"You're mad, right?" He looked at his hands, nervously tracing the jagged edges of each one.

"Not exactly, I'm not sure how I feel right now." Angela turns to look at him. "I was so amazed at the words in that letter and the fact that you wrote them…for me." She hesitates; refusing to let the 101 emotions she's feeling control this conversation. Collecting herself, she continues. "Only, now I find out that they're someone else's words. What does that even mean? How am I supposed to feel? I such an idiot."

"How are you an idiot? _I__'__m_the one who can put a sentence together to tell you that I'm sorry, that you didn't deserve that. _I__'__m_ the one who screwed everything up."

"So, that whole "unconscious wish" thing…that was Brian too, wasn't it?" She asked, already sure of the answer.

"Sort of. I told him that you hated me and wouldn't speak to me and he started telling me how what I did was undefendable and how I did this to myself and that maybe I like, wanted to punish you or something and everything he said was exactly how I felt, I just couldn't put it into words. So I used his. I swear, I wasn't trying to trick you. I told you, I meant every word."

_That's the second time I've heard that tonight. How weird is that? How can they BOTH mean it? And how can Jordan mean it if they weren't even his words?_

"I just, I needed to tell you that I was sorry, but you wouldn't talk to me. Brian said I should write you a letter. It sounded like a good idea except that I couldn't. I tried, but I couldn't think of what to say. Brian's good with words, so I asked him to help me. All I was thinking about was the way that you would look through me, past me, like I didn't exist. I just didn't know what to do or what to say. What was I supposed to say to you? There are like…no words."

'_Like I don't exist.' Well, at least he knows how it feels now. _

"How about 'I'm sorry?' That's _usually_ what people say when they hurt someone or do something wrong." She replied, her voice thick with sarcasm and resentment.

He glanced at her, shame written all over his face, but still she saw something else. It irked her that she couldn't identify what that other thing was. She wondered, was it deception? Was he lying to her, playing her? Somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought, _"__there__'__s__no__way__that__Jordan__Catalano__did__all__this__to__get__**my**____forgiveness,__like__I__matter__to__him,__at__all.__"_

"Sorry just didn't seem like enough, y'know, for what I did. Believe me, I'm suffering for what it and I know I deserve it, but I just wanted you to stop hating me, even if we couldn't, y'know, be together or whatever." The last part of the sentence was barely audible. He knew that this might be the only chance he had to explain himself, so he forged ahead. "After it happened I felt so bad. I couldn't stand myself, so I understood how much you hated me and _"__sorry__"_ just seemed so lame. Everything I tried to say to you, it came out all wrong..."

He closed his eyes, leaned his head back on the headrest, and hoped she would hear the sincerity of his explanation, that she would at least consider being friends, if nothing more. The thought of not having access to her at all made him miserable and while friendship is not what he wanted, he'd settle for it, knowing it was more than he deserved.

"What you just said was perfect." Angela said, a trace of exasperation in her voice. "Look, I know it's not easy for you and if you stumble a little over the words, I don't care because at least they're _your_ words. I just wish you had tried to tell me yourself and if you needed help, anyone but Brian would have been better. I have to see him everyday. Every morning on the bus, I'm going to have to see him and know that those were _his_ words. He's like this third person in our relationship or whatever this is." She gestured between them, frustration was evident on her face and the somewhat shrill quality of her voice confirmed for Jordan that this was not going to end well.

"Brian's the only friend I have that gets it, gets this, us." He explained.

_Yeah, because he feels the same way, Ughhhh Wait a minute, did he just say he considered Krakow his friend? The weirdness of this whole situation just grew like, exponentially._

"Tino, Shane and the guys, they don't talk to girls, they hook up with girls." Jordan continued. "It doesn't mean anything. I know because I used to do the same thing, but that's not how I want it to be with you. It took awhile, but I get it now."

He knew he was baring his soul and she was going to spit on it, but he felt he owed her an explanation of his actions and whatever he could tell her tonight, he would, because it would likely be the last time she ever spoke to him. That thought saddened him, but he wouldn't dwell on it with her sitting right here in front of him. He would take whatever time she was willing to give and simply enjoy the bright green of her eyes that were staring into his. He would find a way to kiss her one more time, so that he could remember the feel of her now silent lips on his. He would trace them with his thumb, because he knew how much he would miss the softness and fullness of them. He fought the urge to touch her face as they sat there in silence staring at each other and just when he thought he was about to give in to that urge, she spoke.

"Do you?" She asked. "Do you get it?" She folded her arms across her chest and regarded him skeptically.

"Yeah, I do. I get that what I did to you was completely f*cked up and I don't deserve for you to even talk to me. I get that I should have just said sorry instead of getting Brain to write that letter. I get that it's more than a hook up with you. I'm really sorry, Angela."

"I just, I guess I'm stupid or something, but I never thought you would do…I didn't believe it when people told me, I _couldn__'__t_ believe that you would do that to me. Why? Why would you do that to me?" The thought had been rattling around in her head since the day she found out. It was a question she had for both of them, but she never thought she would actually have the opportunity or the nerve to ask him.

Jordan sighed heavily.

"The Graf thing was just stupid. Me, being stupid. I saw you with that Corey kid and it seemed like you just forgot about me, moved on. I guess I was mad or something. I went to Louie's to get drunk and forget about it, but Graf came in and when I saw her, all I could think about was you. I-"

The way that Angela's body jerked, caused him to stop speaking. The tears in her eyes and her horrified expression cut into his chest like a knife. He didn't mean to hurt her all over again. He was just trying to explain to her how it all happened, in the hopes that she would see for herself how meaningless and stupid it was.

"You saw _her_ but all you could think about was _me_? What are you saying? She was getting angrier by the second. "You thought about me so much that it made you have sex, in this car, with my best friend?" Starting to cry, "Look, I don't want the gory details about you having sex with Rayanne Graf. It's hard enough to be in this car without thinking about that!"

"Whoa, Angela, just listen. He reached out toward her and grabbed her hands, which she promptly pulled out of his grasp. "You deserve an explanation and…" He ran his hand through his hair. "I don't think I can get through this again, so just let me say it." Angela sits back, sullen and staring straight ahead through the windshield.

"Graf walked up to me and asked for a beer, so we went out to my car to get it. We didn't plan for anything to happen. She was drinking and I was drinking and we were both ripped. The stupid thing was, the whole time, we were talking about you." He snickers "I was wishing you were there and wondering if you were with that Corey kid. I was really drunk and I don't remember everything, but I remember that. I closed my eyes and wished you were there, but I kept seeing you smiling at him and hearing you say that you'd love to do whatever, go out or whatever with him. I knew the minute it was over that I did something stupid and that you would hate me forever. I just kept hoping you would never find out and life could go on like it never happened, because I wish it never did. I am so sorry, Angela. I tried to tell myself that it was no big deal, it meant nothing cuz we weren't even like…together or whatever, but it still felt wrong." His stance mimicked hers now. He swallowed hard and stared straight through the windshield at nothing in particular, shame plain on his face.

"That's because it _was_ wrong." She started, her voice colder than he'd ever heard before. "So, you want me to forgive you for the thing with Rayanne and for the letter; is there anything else? Maybe some dead puppies you need to explain?" She said sarcastically.

Jordan sat back in his seat looking defeated. "I just want us to be okay again. I know I messed up. I never meant for this to happen. Any of it. I just wanted you to know how sorry I was and that I get it. I never thought I would want to like, be _with_ someone. I didn't know until all of this happened. When I saw you with Corey, that's when I knew. It felt like he took something of mine and I wanted it back."

Angela stared at him for several minutes, saying nothing. Looking at his face. His eyes were closed and to anyone else it would have appeared as though he were asleep, but every so often she saw him swallow hard as though he were fighting to keep something down. That's when she realized what the unrecognizable expression was…sincerity. Jordan Catalano was sincerely telling her exactly how he felt about her and what he did to her. He was remorseful and for once, he was willing to let her in.

_Too little, too late? Is this what that means? I feel like a month ago, something like this would have been more than enough, but now…it's just…not. This changes nothing. He still slept with Rayanne, he still made me feel like some kind of sideshow freak, hiding me from the world. He still hurt me and I'm not so sure he wouldn't do it again first chance he got._

"Do you know what I would have given to have you talk to me like this just once? Now it's happening and I'm numb. Part of me wants to forgive you and get past all of it, but I just keep feeling like it's always going to be like this. Me waiting for you to decide that this is real, that I'm like, a real person, that I deserve to be treated with some…respect. God! I can't do that anymore, Jordan. Either we're both in this or neither of us is. I used to think I would be happy to have you any possible way, but that's not true. I'm not willing to make myself less just to be with you. Do you have any idea what I had to give up to be with you? The way you hid me from your friends like I was a freak, like I was nothing. I deserve better than that.

_Where did that come from? Did I just give him an ultimatum? Oh well, that's it for sure. This is soooo over._

Silence, awkward silence ensues. Angela turns to stare out the window.

"You're not nothing." It was barely a whisper, but she'd heard it. She turned to face him, needing to see his face when he said whatever he was going to say next.

"I seriously could not sleep or think…because of you. _No__one_ ever did that to me." He sighed heavily before turning to face her. "This is all new for me. You're like, different…really different and I didn't know how to deal with that…I still don't." He pauses, as if to gather his thoughts. Angela watches him blink, his eyes searching as if somewhere outside the window there are cue cards to help him remember his lines. Finally, his eyes settle on hers and that expression is back. "I can't undo this. I wish I could. All I can do is say I'm sorry and I want to be with you and I swear I'll never do anything like that again, the rest is up to you."

He can feel the pit growing in his stomach as he waits for her to respond. He watches as she knits her brow and her eyes travel between their laced fingers and his eyes. He can't even remember grabbing her hand and he takes some comfort in the fact that she hasn't pulled away, but the weight of the silence is almost painful and he can't take it anymore. "So what happens now?"

"That depends. What are you asking me? Are you asking for us to be together, like together, just us, because that's all I wanted, but I have to be able to trust you. You can't just stomp all over me and expect me to be there. I don't know if I can. If I can trust you." She looks at him pleadingly, wishing that all it took was for him to say the words, but she know that's not true.

"I can't promise that I'll be like 'boyfriend of the year' or whatever and I'm probably gonna f*ck this up, but I hate the way things were before. Can we just start over?" He asks.

Angela was beginning to warm to him. _Did__he__just__say__ '__boyfriend?__'_

"So you want to be my "boyfriend?" She teased.

"I-I dunno," Jordan nervously shrugged his shoulders and averted her eyes. "I guess that's what this is."

_He's nervous! Oh my God! I made Jordan Catalano nervous!_

Jordan breathed deeply and looked her in the eye. "I mean, yeah, that's what I want."

"And you'll talk to me, even if you think you don't know what to say?"

"Yeah"

"What about the whole sex thing?"

"I'm up for it?" He smiled seductively.

"Nothing has changed, Jordan I'm serious. If you can't deal with that, there's no point in start…"

Jordan cut her off with a kiss.

"I was just kidding" He smiled.. "I know. I mean, I really want to, but if you're not ready, you're not ready. I'll live."

Angela searched his eyes for any trace of insincerity before responding. "Then I guess we can start over." She said, cautiously.

Jordan reaches over and kisses her. It's a deep soulful kiss, filled with relief and hope. When the kiss ends, they stay forehead to forehead with their eyes closed.

**xXx**

"Brian! Telephone!" Bernice Krakow calls up the stairs.

"Hello?"

"Brian, it's Rickie. So?"

"So what?" A dejected Brian responds.

"So, did you tell her?" Rickie asks in exasperation.

"Kind of."

"Kind of? Come on, this was your shot. How could you blow this?"

"I didn't blow it." Brian barks at the phone. "Jordan showed up and swept her away…again." Brian explains.

"She went with him?" Rickie asks, surprise evident in his voice.

"Yeah." Brian responds, solemnly.

"Even after you told her?" Rickie asks.

"Yeah" At this point, Brian isn't even attempting to mask his annoyance.

"She didn't like, say anything to you? She just left?" Rickie asks, trying to reconcile what he knows with what has happened.

"Yes, she just left. I poured my heart out and she stepped on it on the way into Jordan Catalano's very fast, very hot car!" Brian yelled.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just can't believe she's like still into him after all of this." Rickie responded.

"Yeah, well, welcome to my world."

**xXx**

Jordan and Angela are parked in front of the Chase house, talking between passionate kisses. They are oblivious to the curtain on the front window that keeps moving, just the tiniest bit to expose one probing eye.

Jordan pulls out a kiss just long enough to ask her a question.

"Want a ride in the morning?" His voice is husky and affects her in ways she doesn't completely understand.

He dives back in without giving her an opportunity to answer. Minutes later she pulls away.

"Ok. I'll be ready by 7:30" She responds breathily.

They've been parked for fifteen minutes when the porch light begins to flash. It takes another five before either of them realize it.

"Uggh, that's my mom. I better go."

"Ok. Later"

They share one last kiss and she reluctantly exits the car.

"Bye." She says wistfully as she closes the passenger side door and watches Jordan drive off.

Angela steps into the street and looks around before she addresses the air around her.

"Brian, I know you're out here somewhere. Can we talk for a minute?"

She waits until she hears the rustling of leaves and sees legs dangling from the tree in front of the Krakow house.

"What's the point Chase? There's really nothing to talk about. You're happy, he's probably going to shatter you heart into a million pieces but right now, you're happy."

"Why do you have to say things like that?" She yells. "God! I was trying to have a normal conversation with you and you have say things like that. You are impossible!"

"_I__'__m__impossible?__Me?_ Are you serious? You get into _his_ car; _he_ says whatever it is _he_ says and poof, instant forgiveness and _I__'__m_ impossible? Brian rants as he paces in front of her gesturing toward the direction in which Jordan left. "I've never done anything to you even remotely on the scale of what he's done over and over and you treat me like gum on the bottom of your shoe!"

"Brian…" Angela begins, her voice level, staring at her boots. "…he admitted that he didn't write the letter. I didn't have to say anything, he told me before I had a chance to say anything. He tried to tell me earlier today, but I didn't give him a chance. He was saying that he didn't want to pretend that he wrote it, but I thought he was saying something else. Anyway, he admitted it before I told him that I already knew. He had no intention of taking full credit for it."

"Well Bravo! Jordan Catalano has, like, ethics. Yet one more thing for you to moon over. He's still going to break your heart. It's like inevitable." Brian folds his arms across his chest.

"You are a hateful person, you know that? How is it possible that you could write something so completely beautiful and amazing and still be this horrible, hateful person? Why do I even try with you Krakow? Why did you help him if this is how you feel about me being with him? Do you _want_ him to hurt me? Would that make you feel better?"

"I helped him because he asked me to." Brian answers matter-of-factly. "He was pathetic. He couldn't put two words together. I felt…sorry…for him. Oh, and by the way, nothing would make me feel better right now. Nothing." They're both silent for a minute, neither knowing what to say or trusting themselves not to say something regrettable. "What do you see in him anyway? You can't possibly have a decent conversation with him. I get that he's, like, physically perfect, but that only takes you so far, at some point, like actual words have to be spoken. Oh, wait, I guess there isn't a whole lot of talking when you're with him anyway." Brian quips, venom creeping into his voice.

"Ughhh! Krakow, this is what I mean. How can you have compassion for him and make fun of him at the same time? You feel sorry for him, but then you trash him. I can't have this conversation with you." She begins to walk away, angry and disgusted by Brian's attitude. She takes several steps before turning back. "I just wanted to tell you that I really did love the letter and I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way. Part of me wishes I did, because what you wrote was exactly what I needed but I can't just turn off my feelings for Jordan. Believe me…" She scoffs. "…there have been times that I wish I could. My life would be so much easier, but I can't do that anymore than you can. In a weird way…we totally understand each other." The two of them stand in the middle of the street staring into each other's eyes. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that."

"It's getting late, you better go inside." Brian gestures toward the front door of the Chase house.

"Yeah."

They turn from each other to walk in opposite directions, each to their own home.

"Brian?" Angela calls to him without turning around.

"Yeah, Chase" Brain answers, still facing his house.

"You and Sharon are my oldest friends and I can't imagine what growing up would have been like without the two of you,..I'm glad that we're friends, even if you are impossible."

"Me too. Goodnight, Chase"

"Goodnight, Krakow."

**xXx**

Angela enters the house and makes her way to through the living room.. Hearing the front door, Patty calls from the kitchen, "Angela, is that you?"

"Yeah mom, I'm going to bed."

"Did you eat something, Honey? Are you okay?" She asks as he enters the living room through the kitchen door.

Angela heads up the stairs "Yeah, I'm fine, not hungry. Going to bed. Goodnight."

Patty leans on the banister, looking up towards the disembodied voice of her daughter. "Okay, well…goodnight." She stands in the living room, looking a little forlorn, wondering what happened with Angela and Jordan, but she knows better than to press for details.

**xXx**

Angela and Jordan arrive at school the next morning and spend some time alone together in his car.

"So, I never asked you, what did you and my mother talk about. Are you guys like best friends or something?" She teases.

Jordan smiles mysteriously, "You're mom is cool." He responds, gathering books and opening the car door.

"My mom? Patty Chase? You're kidding right?" Angela laughs.

"Serious." Jordan responds still smiling like the cat who ate the canary. "You should give her a break" He tells her as holds her door open while she climbs out.

_This can't be happening. What, did they bond or something? Scary. My James Dean boyfriend and my Wonder Bread mom on common ground. Okay, seriously, what universe is this and how did I get here?_

Angela looks up at the sky before entering the building

"What?" Jordan asks, following her gaze.

"Nothing, just looking for flying pigs." She answers a confused-looking Jordan.

**xXx**

"Hey." Rickie greets Brian, having spotted him from across the cafeteria.

"Hi, I mean hey."

"So, you okay?" Rickie asks, cautiously.

"What do you think?" Brian looks at Rickie with sad eyes.

"Look Brian, at least she knows now and you got it off your chest. You don't have to like hold it all in until you explode. There has to be some relief in that." Rickie says, patting Brian on the shoulder.

"Right, now my humiliation has an audience instead of it being my own private hell." Brian responds.

Ricky rolls his eyes. "At least _you_ can be honest with the person you like. You have no idea how lucky you are."

"Luck is not how I would describe this, but I get what you mean. So, how's it going with Delia Fisher?" Brian asks, trying to think of anything other than Angela and Jordan.

"_Nothing_ is going on with Delia Fisher, we're just hanging out." Rickie huffs at Brian. "She's really mad at you."

"I know. She hates my guts and I deserve it." Brian shrugs. "Maybe I should get Jordan Catalano to write a letter for me?"

"Funny." Ricky says sarcastically, as the two of them exit the cafeteria together

xXx

**A/N: Be sure to check out my other story, _Yesterday__'__s__Tears_, a future fic of sorts. It's been up for quiet some time, but I would still love to hear your thoughts, so leave a review. **


	2. Chapter 2

"Chinese, again? We've had Chinese three times this week. Can we at least eat off of plates instead of out of the container?"

"Well, if you're willing to do the dishes after, you can eat out of all the plates you want. So, Raynie, how come I don't see Angela anymore? You two on the outs?"

"I guess you could say that. I messed up and she won't talk to me.

"Did you apologize?"

"Yeah, I mean, sort of. She knows I didn't mean it. She knows how sorry I am."

"And she knows this _how_? I seem to remember that I gave her a set of Tarot cards, but I don't recall bestowing psychic abilities on her." Rayanne looks as though she's had a revelation.

"If you did something wrong, apologize. Angela is a sweet girl. We all make mistakes Raynie. I'm sure she'll forgive you. You guys were such good friends…" Amber was rambling now, something about a kerasse and fate. Rayanne wasn't listening. She hadn't _actually said_ sorry, but that day at play rehearsal she had made clear how sorry she was, hadn't she? "I really like that girl, Raynie. Her mother on the other hand…"

Next morning

Angela wakes up with the most brilliant smile on her face. She's been dreaming about Jordan again. Sometimes when she woke from these dreams she felt a sense of panic, wondering if it had all been a dream, then she would look over at her nightstand and know that yes, he was hers. Sitting there was a yearbook picture that Delia Fischer had given her. Delia found it as she sorted through a stack of pictures Brian had taken, a die-hard romantic, she thought Angela would like to have a copy. It was a picture of the two of them out by the bleachers. Jordan was standing behind her with his arms around her and she was looking up at him. They were looking at each other as if no one else existed. It hadn't occurred to her that Brian would have had to be spying on them to catch that shot.

She thought about all the scheming and plotting with Rayanne that had led her to be with him and she became sad. _Why do I do that? It's like I can't let myself enjoy my own happiness or something._ She had forgiven Jordan completely for his betrayal of her, recognizing her own part in that fiasco. After they talked it all out, she kept thinking about what he'd said regarding Corey and how jealous he'd been. What if she'd never played that game? What if she hadn't purposely tried to make him jealous? Would he have done it? She felt partially responsible and had decided to put the whole thing behind them. They never discussed it again. She wondered though, if they would be where they are now if none of it had happened. It was because of all that had happened and the fact that she wouldn't speak to him that he finally realized what she'd meant to him and decided that he wanted to be with her. She thought of Rayanne again. _Amber would have called the whole thing fate_. That thought made her sad too. She missed Rayanne and how things use to be, but she couldn't think of Rayanne without seeing the two of them together that way. She understood why Jordan had done it. Wrong, though it may have been, it made sense. Ricky had told her that maybe Rayanne just wanted to be her for a few minutes. To be desired by someone in the way she was and to be…normal for a little while. As she slipped on her boots, she wished her brain had an on/off switch. Why was she even thinking about this?

"Angela. Breakfast."

"Yeah, mom. I'll be down in a minute."

She came downstairs to find Jordan in the kitchen, having a cup of coffee with her mom. This had become a somewhat familiar, albeit strange, sight. Her mother had taken a liking to him and was always feeding him. She found this funny given that it was her father who had a thing for food.

"Want some toast with that, Jordan?"

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks."

It was a little weird and wholly unexpected, this mutual affection between the two of them, but she figured it worked in her favor, for now. Patty had been unusually lenient with her where Jordan was concerned. Her father on the other hand, was acting completely out of character, complaining about how much time they spent together and eyeing Jordan suspiciously every time he saw them together. It was really starting to annoy her.

"Ang, we're gonna be late if we don't leave now." He said as he placed his cup in the sink. He had taken to calling her "Ang" lately. She loved it. No one else called her by a nickname, except her dad, but that was totally different.

"'kay, I'll be out in a minute." This, he understood, meant that she needed to ask her mother something and he should wait in the car. On cue, he headed out into the living room.

"Thanks Ms. Chase."

"Jordan, it's Patty, and you're quite welcome."

Angela waited until he was out of the kitchen to speak.

"Mom, can I go to practice with Jordan tonight? I'll be back by 10 and I'll do my homework right after school."

"I don't know. Your father is not happy about you going to these practices during the week. You know, you've been shirking your chores lately too. I had to wash a sinkful of dishes last night." Angela gave her the saddest look she could muster.

"I'll come home and clean up first, I promise. They're working on a new song and I said I would listen to it for him."

"Okay, but no later than 10, I mean it."

"You're the best, Mom. Thanks"

"And the kitchen had better be clean, young lady." Patty yelled after her. She knew she was being too lenient, but Angela was so happy for a change and she figured, she had to trust her sooner or later. Jordan had good intentions. He'd made it clear to her that night in the kitchen when he talked to her about the letter. He was honest with her and told her about the Rayanne thing, the first break up, everything. She found his honesty endearing. Whether he knew it or not, the boy was head over heels for Angela and Patty believed he would never intentionally harm her. There was something about him that made Patty's heart ache, it made her want to mother him.

Just as she reached the door, she heard the horn. They weren't really going to be late, but he liked to pick her up early so that they could have some time together before school. Lately, he just wanted to be with her all the time. He found the feeling strange, but undeniable. A lot had changed for him in the past few months. He was singing lead in the band, he'd passed every exam he'd taken recently and for the first time ever, he felt like he had a good life.

"So, what was so secret that you had to kick me out of the house?"

"I'm sorry, I know how you two feel about each other. I didn't mean to break up the love fest."

"Jealousy is an ugly thing, Angela." He laughs and she punches him in the arm. "What? I like your mom. She feeds me; any woman who feeds me is a woman I want to know."

"Man, you're easy."

"Wanna find out how easy?" He said this in his most seductive voice, the one he reserved for their boiler room rendezvous. She blushed.

"I was just asking if I could go to practice with you again tonight. My dad is being ridiculous. I don't know what his deal is. He's usually the easy one."

They arrive at school long before the crowds. He pulls into a space and cuts the engine.

"His deal is, he thinks I'm doing you."

"Jordan!"

"What? It's true. Dude looks at me like he's seen me on a wanted poster or something. Trust me, he thinks I'm doing you."

"Whatever, I'm tired of talking about them."

"So, what do you want to do instead?" Again with the seductive voice, this time with a wicked smile. Her reply was a very slow, very sexy kiss that involved the sucking of his bottom lip. It drove him mad and she loved the fact that she could affect him in this way.

They made out all the time and though he hated to stop short of doing the deed, he had resigned himself to the fact that she just wasn't ready. Sometimes, he was the one to put the breaks on. This often confused her until he explained that there was just so much he could take without her following through. He was being patient. He knew this couldn't last forever and she was getting more and more bold every time they were alone together. He would follow her lead and in time, they'd get there. It had come to mean something to him, the fact the he would be her first. He'd never given these things much thought in the past, mostly because he never cared about the girls he'd been with, but also because none of them had been virgins, as far as he knew.

They were going at it pretty hot and heavy when they were interrupted by a tap on the window. It was Shane and Jordan could have killed him.

"Damn, man. Get a room. Hey Angela." A beet red Angela gave Shane a little wave.

"What's up, Shane?" He spoke to Shane through the window. He needed a few minutes to recover before he could get out of the car. Angela got her things and said she would wait for him on the steps. He never asked her to leave when his friends were around, but she knew they got on him about her being around all the time, so at least at school, she tried to give him some space. Shane was talking to him about Joey, the drummer, who had been a real problem lately.

"Practice tonight, right?"

"Yeah, at 7, and tell Joey not to be late."

"I'll tell him, but you know it's not gonna make a difference." Jordan hung his head a little.

"Just tell him."

Jordan met Angela at the steps and they went inside, hand in hand. He opened her locker and put his books inside.

_I watched him do this I don't know how many times before. After we broke up, he opened my locker for me all the time. Today though, it was different. He put his books inside…like he lived there or something. It's like the high school equivalent of moving in together. Such a small thing, but it like means so much. _

Angela was leaning back on the bank of lockers, looking at him. He knew what it was he was doing and he knew she would pick apart this seemingly minor act. Sometimes, most times, it was easier for him to demonstrate his feelings than discuss them. He wanted her to know how committed he was to her, to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere. There was talk around school, people saying it would never last. Things could get rough for her. She took everything to heart and he knew that she needed to be reassured that he was really in this thing with her. If she knew how deeply he cared for her, she'd never doubt him again.

The guys were riding him pretty hard, calling him whipped because she was always with him and wanting to know if she'd put out yet. He wouldn't have told them if she had and he didn't care what people said. He'd let other people get in their way in the past and he refused to do that again.

Jordan was leaning over Angela, pinning her against the locker, though they weren't even touching. He bent down and kissed her for what seemed like forever. Rayanne watched this lover's ballet from a distance. The jealousy she felt was unbearable. He was just as responsible for what happened between them, but Angela had chosen him over her. The longing she'd felt for her friend for the past few weeks was painful. Rayanne's heart actually hurt. She and Angela caught sight of each other. Jordan turned to see who had stolen her attention and saw Rayanne turn away and walk off. It was an awkward moment for all of them.

"I, gotta go. I'll see you in Katimsky's." Jordan kissed her once more and the two parted ways, each feeling uneasy.

Wood Printing

"Sure, not a problem. You'll have them by next Tuesday. Thanks for calling." As Patty finished up her call, Graham entered the shop.

"Hi, I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop by and surprise you."

"Oh, how nice. On your way to the restaurant?"

"Yeah, Hallie is shopping for tablecloths, flatwear, etc. and I have to meet her to look at samples. Anyway, I came to see _you _not talk about the restaurant. I know I haven't made a lot of time for you, but I'm here now and I want to take you to lunch." Graham forced a smile. This lunch was a feeble attempt at rekindling their relationship. In truth, he wanted to be anywhere else. It was awful, he knew, but it was true. He hadn't been able to face Patty for a couple of weeks, ever since the last time they'd had sex. He was thinking of Hallie the whole time. What it would be like to be with _her _that way. It was getting much more difficult to deny his attraction to her. Though he'd managed to refrain from acting on his feelings, he didn't think he could keep up his resolve much longer. Last night, rather than face Patty, he sat parked down the street from his house waiting for the lights to go out before going in. He'd seen Angela and Jordan together in that car. They couldn't have known he was there, which was a good thing because he could see just how serious this dating business was. He didn't like what he saw one bit. That boy was far too experienced for Angela and he'd had every intention of talking to Patty about it, except that he couldn't be in the same room with her lately so that precluded any possibility of addressing the issue. He hated himself for being so spineless.

"Well, I'll just get my jacket."

Their conversation of late was strained and they hardly saw one another. He was getting home well after she went to bed and he hadn't joined them for breakfast in weeks. They were becoming strangers, roommates. It seemed like ages since they'd made love and that last time, he had seemed so far away, distracted. She was worried, really worried. She'd never believed that her marriage was in trouble or could be, but now it was a fear she lived with daily. The lunch invitation buoyed her spirits. _Maybe he's getting his priorities back in order. Maybe I was overreacting._ As she headed out the door, she said a silent prayer that all would be well with them.

Girls' bathroom.

Angela is telling Sharon about the weirdness that is her mother's relationship with Jordan, when Rayanne enters and Angela goes immediately from giggling and jovial to quiet and sullen. Sharon notices the sudden change in her friend's disposition and knows it can only mean one thing. Without turning to confirm her suspicion, she greets Rayanne.

"Hey, Graf."

"Hey," Raynanne adjusts her enormous bag on her shoulder, and prepares to leave, "um, I'll come back later"

Sharon looks at a pouting Angela and then at a retreating Rayanne. She cuts Rayanne off at the door and blocks the only means of egress. "Okay, that's it! I've had it with the two of you. Whether or not you become friends again, you have to at least talk this through. You guys are making me crazy!"

"What would you like me to say, Sharon? _ I_ didn't do anything wrong." Angela had dreaded this moment for weeks. She knew it was inevitable. She'd managed to get through the play without having to talk to Rayanne, but between Sharon and Ricky, she knew she'd be forced to deal with it sooner or later.

"You're right. _I'm_ the evil one, the vile temptress. I lured him into my web and had my way with him, all for the purpose of ripping your heart out and stomping on it." Rayanne spits out the words with so much venom that Sharon is startled.

"Rayanne!"

"See, Sharon? This is what I'm talking about. She's not even sorry for what she did. She couldn't care less."

"Is that what you think? You really believe that like, the next day my life just went on like nothing happened? That's what you think?! You know what I think? I think we were never really friends. Because if we were (pause, voice breaking) you would know how much I hate myself for what happened. You would know that I regretted it even when it was happening. You would know that I hurt myself more than I hurt you because the best thing in my life was you and I destroyed that."

Angela's eyes fill with tears, "Rayanne, what do you want from me? I don't trust you. I _can't_ trust you. What you did was…undefendable."

"Yeah well, I didn't do it all by myself, so, why does _he_ get a pass? Why can you forgive him and not me?

"At least _he_ said he was sorry. You never did. And he's _not _more important, that's the point. _You_ were supposed to know better. _You_ were supposed to look out for me, not betray me. Why can't you understand how much worse it is when it comes from you? He didn't owe me anything, we weren't even together. You were my _friend_. I told you things, personal things about Jordan and me and then you…you…" She couldn't even say it.

Tears run down Rayanne's face. "Angela, if I could take it back, I would; you know I would. I can't believe you think I'm not sorry…you don't know how sorry I am. It wasn't even like you think. It was pathetic. We were both pathetic losers, trying to drink ourselves into like, a coma. Ricky got mad and left me there because I was drinking and he still hasn't forgiven me. I was feeling sorry for myself because ever since I OD'd you like, don't look at me anymore and you were spending all your time with Jordan. So, what do _I _do? The one thing that would ensure that you could like, _never _look at me again. Typical Rayanne, right? It wasn't even about him, Angela; I could not possibly care less about Jordan Catalano." Hearing her say his name was like a knife in Angela's heart. She didn't have the right to say his name to her.

"He wasn't with me and I wasn't with him. We were both just like, there, totally wasted and missing you." She's looking off into the distance as if watching the scene play out in front of her. She laughs, "The whole time he kept saying your name…and I let him." She looks down, ashamed, remembering how good it felt to be Angela for a few minutes.

"Rayanne, please…"

"I was a mess, but I've learned my lesson. I don't ever want to hurt anyone like this again and_ I_ don't want to hurt like this ever again. I haven't even had a drink since it happened, I swear. I don't know what else to do, Angela. I'm so sorry. I feel like…like I'm gonna die or something." She begins to sob.

Angela watches Rayanne crumble in front of her, looking as if all of the emotion she's ever felt in her life has just been poured out in this exchange. "Rayanne…" Angela wants to reach out to her, but she can't. 

Sharon moves forward and hugs Rayanne. Angela watches this and her anger becomes pity. She seems so small and fragile; nothing like the carefree wild child Angela had followed around like a lost puppy for so long. Angela had never seen her this vulnerable.

Rayanne continues to sob, never really having grieved the loss of this friendship or allowed herself to feel the distance growing between her and Ricky as a result of her transgression. Sharon wipes her eyes and looks over at Angela, who is moving toward them very slowly. Angela very tentatively puts her arms around Rayanne.

"I miss you." She whispers.

Rayanne begins to calm down, "I miss you more."

Ricky walks in and sees the three girls hugging. A huge smile crosses his face. "Finally!" He runs over to join them.

Brian and Jordan, Tutoring

Brian had tried to get out of tutoring Jordan after the whole thing with the letter, but Sharon wouldn't hear of it. In the end, he decided that as long as they didn't discuss Jordan's relationship with Angela, he'd be fine. Jordan wasn't so bad. Brian had come to like him, even respect him, despite the fact that he was with Angela.

"So, wherever I would pause, I should put a comma?"

"Exactly!"

Brian had to admit, Jordan had made tremendous progress. When they were working, he really put all his attention into the work. He was passing every class and there was little doubt he would advance to the next grade at the end of the year. Brian took some pride in having had a hand in that.

"Got it." Jordan notices the girl whose number he'd gotten for Brian when they started working together. "So, did you ever call her?" Brian turns to see who he's talking about.

"No, she's like a junior…so…y'know…um, no."

"So what? Brain, you gotta take a chance, man. There's like a thousand girls in this school. Just talk to one. Pick one."

Jordan was not oblivious to the fact that Brian had a thing for Angela and he felt bad for the guy. He's always suspected that Brian liked her and the contents of the letter confirmed his suspicions. He had no idea how much Brian liked her until he read the letter, but by then it was too late. One of the reasons he wanted to confess to Angela is that he felt terrible about Brian bearing his soul and him taking credit for it. That had to be torture. He played dumb about the whole thing and never let Brian know that he knew the truth. It would have been too humiliating for the kid. He'd decided the best way to make up for it was to help Brian get a girl of his own, or at least get laid, something to ease his pain. It was the least he could do.

"What? You mean like …in this room…right now."

"Yeah"

"I can't_ do_ what you do. You have, like, a gift or something."

"Pick one." Jordan insists. Brian looks around and sees a pretty Asian girl, who he recognizes from one of his classes. Jordan follows his eyes and a smile spreads across his face. They're huddled conspiratorially over their desks

"Good choice. What do you know about her?"

"Um, she's in my AP Calculus class."

"Alright, so you have something to talk to her about. Go over and ask her about the homework or something. I'm gonna keep working on this." Jordan looks down at his notebook and picks up his pen.

"Just walk up to her and start talking?" Brian stares incredulously at Jordan, as if he's been asked to do something that is physically impossible. Jordan barely looks up from his work.

"Yeah, and before you walk away, ask her for her number."

"What do I say?" Jordan, puts down his pen, clearly frustrated.

"Brain, just say 'can-I-call-you-later?' that's it. She'll say yes."

"And then what? What am I gonna say to her tonight when I have to call her?"

"Brain, you think too much. Relax. Just go over there and talk to her already."

Brian walks over to the girl looking like a man sentenced to death. _What am I doing? This is crazy. She's gonna think I'm like mentally ill or something._ Jordan watches as Brian goes. Brian looks back and Jordan gives him a look that says, _"do it!"_ He takes a deep breath and taps the girl on the shoulder. She smiles and moves her bag off of the chair next to her, inviting him to take a seat. Jordan smiles proudly and starts working on his paper.

Wood Printing

"I don't know, Camille. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I'm really starting to think that something is going on with those two."

"Well, I mean, we had lunch and he was distracted the whole time. Every other sentence was about how she drives him crazy and in the end; he left me there because she called him with some emergency."

"I know, you said you didn't trust her. Yes, I guess I should've listened to you. I'm hoping that once the restaurant opens everything will settle down a bit. They finally settled on a name and I'm working on the menus, so it won't be long now."

"What?"

"Oh, 'Saffron,' as in the spice. Listen Camille, I've gotta go. My other line is ringing, I'll call you later."

Hallway

"Ricky, can you believe it? I mean, I know that it's not like it was, but we're back, the Three Musketeers…mouseketeers, well, whatever, the three Amigos."

She's gushing, dancing and spinning around. Ricky looks up at her as he gets his books for his next class. He's happy about the reconciliation too but he's being cautious. He's seen her this way before and it never ended well. He'd already decided, after the Jordan incident, that he couldn't go on these rollercoaster rides with her anymore. He was finally feeling settled at Katimsky's, he had a home and he was having drama-free fun with Delia. There was just no appeal in ambulance rides and worry-filled nights. She had been to the well one time too many and he just had nothing left to give.

"Rayanne, you know it _really isn't _going to be like it was. You _do_ know that, right?" Ricky wasn't just talking about Rayanne's relationship with Angela.

"Duh Vasquez, didn't I just tell _you_ that. Man, you know how to kill a buzz."

"A buzz? Rayanne, you promised!" His heart sank like a stone.

"Relax choirboy, I'm clean. It was just an expression. I'm just saying, she doesn't like…hate me anymore and you can stop being all like parental about the whole thing."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Rayanne mocks him, " _'Well, Rayanne, what you did was wrong…', 'There are consequences, young lady…', 'You made your bed…'_ Parental"

"No Rayanne, that's not being parental, that's being honest, you should try it sometime." Delia Fisher approaches and Ricky, clearly annoyed with Rayanne, is relieved to see her.

"Hi Rayanne. Hey, are you ready?" Rayanne giver her a half-hearted wave.

"Yeah, I'm done here." Ricky walks off with Delia, leaving Rayanne to wonder what made him so angry.

She yells after them, "Jeez, sen-si-tive." and dances down the hall, chewing on a Twizzler.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, so I tried to condense this, but I just couldn't so here is the longest chapter, like, ever. It counts double, so it might be awhile before you get another update.**

The band members are already warming up when Jordan and Angela walk into the loft together, laughing and holding hands. Angela walks over to the couch and takes out her books. On the other side of the room are some girls, presumably with the guys in the band. Jordan joins the guys and tunes his guitar. Joey, the drummer, looks over at Angela and then at Jordan.

"Catalano, you're late. We've been here for like half an hour."

"I got held up, get over it."

"You're the one who said 4:30."

"Like _you're_ never late. We're usually waiting for you."

Joey looks at Angela again, "Yeah, well I hope this isn't' going to become a habit or whatever."

Jordan is ignoring Joey. He's focused on getting his guitar tuned. Shane has been watching the exchange and steps in before tempers flare.

"Dude, are you going to complain or are we going to practice? Catalano's right, we need to get this set down before next week's gig."

Jordan turns to the band, "We're starting with Rhinoceros."

They launch into "Rhinoceros" by Smashing Pumpkins with Jordan singing lead. The girls on the other side of the room take notice and start talking and giggling among themselves. Angela is caught up in Jordan's singing and he's caught up in her. The girls notice the way that Jordan focuses his attention on the skinny redhead and they are visibly shocked. It's obvious that the rest of their conversation is not kind. The song ends and the spell is broken. The band moves into their next song, an upbeat number and Angela gets back to her homework. Jordan concentrates on the music and the girls concentrate on Jordan.

_I have to get this paper done for Katimsky. It's kind of ridiculous when I'm behind in my classes and Jordan is doing well. He finished his paper yesterday and I'm still working on mine. Maybe I need a tutor too. _Angela works on her paper for Katimsky's, but she's distracted by the giggling across the room. She notices the girls staring at Jordan and feels sort of proud because he's hers. From time to time, she looks up at him and is in awe of his voice and the way that the music transforms him. He's so articulate on stage. You would never know that this same person struggles to spell her name right or follow what's going on in English class. He's in his element._ It's useless, I can't write this paper with him standing there looking like that. _She gives up and allows herself to be drawn into the music. Jordan occasionally shoots her a look and she beams him a smile. She doesn't know it, but he plays better when she's there.

At the break, Jordan goes over to sit with Angela, putting her legs across his. This little display draws the attention of the girls across the room.

"So, what do you think? How do we sound?"

"Great! I love that song; I didn't know you added it to the set."

"Yeah, I noticed how much you like it. You sing it every time it comes on."

"Well you sing it a whole lot better."

"We don't have enough original material for a whole set, so we're gonna do a few covers and throw in a new song if we can. I have like, eight songs in my head right now and it's making me a little crazy."

"You are amazing." She leans over and kisses him.

"What do you mean?"

"When you're up there, singing and playing. It's like you were born to do it."

He smiles at her and runs his hand through her hair. They're completely lost in each other, talking about the music and the gig Shane booked at Vertigo next weekend. It was a big deal for such a young band and could lead to paying gigs.

"I gotta get back. We still have two more songs to work on." He kisses her and rejoins the band.

Joey takes his place and makes a comment about visitors coming to practice and being a distraction, to which Jordan immediately responds.

"You know, Joey, you're really starting to piss me off. You have a problem with visitors, why don't you start with yours."

"I didn't bring any visitors."

"So, who are all those girls over there? They didn't come with me."

Joey was always running his mouth, causing trouble. They had been friends since kindergarten, but he had been impossible lately and Jordan was nearly at his end.

"Yeah, we know that. Your ball and chain is over there," smirking and pointing at Angela.

Jordan puts down his guitar and steps towards Joey when Shane steps in front of him. He can see that Joey is starting to get to Jordan and he doesn't want it to escalate.

"Shut up, Joey." Shane remains between them, "Half the girls who come up here are here for you. What are you bellyaching about now?"

"Yeah, what's your problem? Everyone else is here to practice, except you." Jordan is reminded of the dynamics that led to the demise of Frozen Embryos and the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that Joey played a big part in that conflict. "This is exactly why Tino left."

Jordan returns to the mic and picks up his instrument.

"I'm just saying that visitors can be…distracting." Joey persists and Jordan has had enough.

"You know what's distracting, Joey? When you don't keep up, when you throw the whole song off. That's distracting. Why don't you concentrate on the music and shut up."

Shane whispers something to Jordan who is agitated, pats him on the shoulder and Jordan seems to regain his composure. As they resume practice, one of the girls from the other side of the room approaches Angela.

"So, I've never seen you here before. Are you Jordan's sister or something?"

"No, I'm not his sister. I'm his girlfriend."

"Really!? I didn't know he had a girlfriend. He's never mentioned you. Well, that explains why I haven't seen any of his usual girls for a few days. Oh well, I guess I'll be seeing more of you. See ya."

Angela doesn't respond, but is visibly upset. _His __usual__ girls? She hasn't seen them in __days__? So, there were girls here with him up until a few days ago? I am so not dealing with this. I can't believe I let myself fall for his charm again! What an idiot! _

When practice ends, Jordan packs up his guitar and heads over to Angela. The music always makes him feel better. Even Joey's antics can't compete with the music. They were finally starting to sound like a real band and he felt a sense of accomplishment because it had happened under his direction. The group of girls walks by him, giggling and saying goodbye to him. He looks at them and in passing, mutters "later" under his breath. _We even finished early, which means I get to spend a little more time with her. I know exactly where to take her. This night is turning out to be pretty good, wonder how much better it'll get._

"Wanna take off?"

"Yeah, I should get home."

"Actually," He leans into her in the most seductive manner, "I was thinking we could go somewhere."

"I really have to get home."

"What's wrong?" Pulling back and looking into her face.

"Nothing, I have a lot of homework to do and I didn't get much of it done here."

He knows something is wrong but he's not sure what it is and she's clearly not talking. Frustrated, he grabs his stuff and heads to the car. As they're driving home, he replays the events of the evening, trying to figure out what he's done wrong. He draws a blank. _ What the hell? She was fine and now she's all pissed off. What did I do? _

Jordan looks over at Angela who's looking out the window.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing?"

"Did I do something?"

"No."

"You haven't said anything to me since we left the loft. Usually you talk all the way to your house."

"So, I can't like, be quiet without there being a problem? You're quiet all the time."

"I'm just saying, you were fine when we got there and now you look mad."

"I'm not mad."

"Whatever, I give up"

When they finally pull up to the house, the car has barely come to a stop when Angela gets out.

"Bye."

No kiss, no goodbye, now he was worried. They usually sat parked for at least 15 minutes until her mother put on the light out front or her dad pulled into the driveway. She never just left. This was not good. _She has like, two hours left on her curfew and she just…went inside._

"Bye." Clearly frustrated and annoyed, not knowing what to make of the situation.

Angela walks into the house and goes straight upstairs. She doesn't say a word to anyone. Lying on her bed, she can't stop thinking about what that girl had said.

_You know how you have like this life, at school and like another one at home? Well, I think Jordan has a few more lives than I do and I don't know if I can handle that. His __usua__l girls? He has groupies? How insane is that? I can't help but sit here and wonder what life he's living right now. Ughhhh, I really have to stop overthinking everything._

The next morning at 7:30 on the dot, she hears the horn. She's in no rush to see him. All night, she kept thinking about where he might be and with whom, doing what? She hardly got any sleep and it showed. She had been sullen at breakfast. Patty wanted desperately to ask what was going on, but she knew it would only make matters worse. Graham, who had graced them with his presence this morning, was oblivious to her misery. As she headed out the door of her house, she looked like a condemned woman on that final walk. Jordan saw her come out the door and just from her posture he could tell it was gonna be a long day. She got into the car and barely said a word.

"Hey."

"Hey."

She was looking out the window at nothing in particular.

"Are we gonna do this again?"

"Do what?"

Jordan stops the car in the middle of the street just down the block from her house.

"What are you doing?!"

"Look, I'm trying here, but have to meet me half way. You're the one who's always saying we have to talk about stuff and now you have nothing to say. How is that fair? I'm asking as clearly as I can, what's wrong and I'm not moving the car until you talk to me."

"Fine. You know that girl with long blonde hair at rehearsal last night?"

"The girl who was talking to you?" He had seen the girl approach Angela, but thought nothing of it.

"Yeah. Well, she asked me if I was your sister and then when I told her I was your girlfriend she acted all surprised and said I must be new and that she hadn't seen any of your _usual girls_ around for days. What is that about? For days? That means that while you were supposedly suffering over you and me, and even after we got back together, you had girls at the loft with you?"

"Are you asking me or are you telling me?"

"Huh?"

"Are asking me if it's true or are you telling that you believe it is?"

"I don't know, is it?"

"Okay, if you're asking me then no, it's not true, but it sounds to me like you believe it is. You know, you could have just told me all this last night and we both would have had a much better night. Why would you even listen to her?"

"They way they look at you and talk to you, I just felt like maybe when I'm not there…"

"When you're not there what? The loft is for music. Period. I don't go up there to hook up, never did. Even before I was with you, I hardly paid any attention to those skanks. Most of them are girls that Joey invites to practice, that's why I got so mad at him for beefing about you being there. I can't help it if the other guys want a million girls hanging around, but it has nothing to do with me or us. Are you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"So we're good now?" She nods and he kisses her. The kissing is getting progressively more intense until they hear the horn of the school bus behind them.

Graham enters the dining room with two plates.

"Taste this."

Hallie's hands are full, so he feeds her a forkful from the first plate.

"Well…"

"Well what? It's great, just like the last three you had me taste."

"Okay, try this one."

"Graham, as much as I love your food, if I keep on like this, you're going to have to roll me out the door. Enough, it's good. You can stop."

"Okay, okay."

"I can't believe we open tomorrow. I'm so excited"

Hallie is gushing while Graham looks as if he's going to be sick.

"Tomorrow."

"Yup, tomorrow! What's wrong with you? You should be even more excited than me. I'm just the money person; this is your art, Graham."

"Uh-huh"

"What, do you have stage fright or stove fright? I don't know what to call it. Are you freaking out? Graham?"

No response. Graham looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"Hey," she snaps her fingers in front of his face, "hey, snap out of it."

"Tomorrow is…so…soon."

"What is wrong with you? This is what you've been working like a dog for all these months. We did it! It's real and we open tomorrow. Aren't you excited?"

"More like, terrified."

She grabs his hands and looks into his eyes

"Graham, you can do this. You can. I'm telling you, this is what you were made to do." She rubs his arm and they share a long, lingering look.

Patty walks in and is disturbed by the intimacy of the moment she has just witnessed. She clears her throat and Graham nearly jumps out of his skin. He just about pushes Hallie out of the way.

"Hey, you! I just realized that we're opening tomorrow and Hallie was trying to keep from fleeing."

"Fleeing? Are you kidding? Graham, this is your thing. I'm so proud of you."

"So, what brings you here, not that you can't come by anytime you want, uh-why are you here?"

"I brought the temporary menus. We're still trying to get the color right on the final version, but these came out great and I think you'll be happy with them."

Hallie took the menus from her.

"They're gorgeous! You did a great job with them, Patty. I can't wait to see the final version."

"So, are you guys ready for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah, I guess. I mean, yes, we're ready."

Graham was trying his best to be confident.

"Well, we can't wait. The girls are excited and my parents are coming. It's going to be wonderful."

"We should have a packed house." Hallie told Patty. "I invited everyone and their mother, literally."

"Okay, you two need to stop talking. This is not helping. I'll be in the kitchen."

As a nearly panic-stricken Graham retreated to the kitchen, Patty and Hallie look at each other and laugh.

Hallway, Liberty HS

"Angelika!"

Rayanne was relieved that she'd caught Angela at her locker alone. It seemed to her that Angela and Jordan were attached at the hip (or maybe it was at the lip) these days and that made it difficult for her to get anytime alone with her friend outside of the sanctuary that was the girl's bathroom.

"Hey, Rayanne."

"So, you're probably busy but, I was thinking, maybe we could hang out after school today. I mean, you know, if you're not busy."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, just hanging out, nothing in particular. Rickie might have some ideas though, I haven't asked him."

"Okay. I'll meet you out front after the last bell."

"Cool!"

Rayanne really wanted to hang out with Angela but now that it was all set, she felt nervous. It was like she didn't know what to say or do, how to act. She thanked God that Rickie would be there.

Angela met Jordan in the boiler room. They weren't meeting there quite as often, but she wanted to tell him about her plans after school and she felt like she need to be with him after the whole thing from the night before at practice. She finds him waiting for her. They don't even talk at first. He's like a starving man and she's a Thanksgiving turkey. After what seems like hours, they come up for air.

"Um, I don't think I'm gonna go with you to practice tonight, okay?"

Jordan pulls away and is clearly annoyed.

"Ange, didn't we go through this? Look, I'm not gonna keep begging you to believe me or trust me. That's it, either you do or you don't."

"No, this is not because of yesterday. I'm hanging out with Rickie and Rayanne. I haven't spent any time with them and she asked, so I told her I would hang out with them today. I've kind of been neglecting everyone lately, y'know."

"Yeah, I guess. So, you and Graf are really talking again?"

"It didn't seem right to not, y'know, let it go"

"It's not like I ever understood why you hung out with her, but I guess it's good that you two like, got past…" Angela cuts him off with a kiss.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"You were talking."

They both giggle because that's usually his line.

"You think you're pretty funny, huh?"

They resume their previous activity.

The rest of the day drags for both of them. Angela is feeling more than a little trepidation at the prospect o hanging out with Rayanne, even with Rickie along. Jordan is already missing her. He liked playing for her and having her there during the breaks. The breaks always felt lonely to him. Everyone else would drink or try to talk to whatever girls were up there, but he always just ended up messing around on his guitar waiting for them to start back up. He never really understood why they needed a break. He could play for hours.

The last bell rings and Angela meets Rayanne out front.

"Where's Rickie?"

"He made plans with that Delia Fischer chick." Rolling her eyes.

"Oh, okay, so what are we doing?"

"I don't know, wanna get something to eat?"

"Um, not really."

"Okay, let's go to my house."

"Alright, sounds good. Let's go."

They're like a couple on their first date. Angela doesn't know what to say. Rayanne doesn't know how to act. They make small talk but each is acutely aware of the barrier between them.

"Want some Pop-tarts?"

"Sure."

Rayanne sat the box of Pop-tarts down on the floor next to them. She'd put a movie in, but neither of them was watching it.

"So, what's new?"

"Nothing much, just the usual."

"So, Katimsky is thinking about doing another play before the end of the year and he said he might have a drama workshop over the summer."

"Yeah? That's great. So, you'll audition for the next one?"

"I don't know, maybe. I mean, it depends on what play he chooses. Think you'll work on scenery again?"

"I don't know. I don't think Jor- I mean, I'm not sure I'll have the time."

She really had no interest in working on the play and had only done so to make Jordan jealous, which worked far better than she could have imagined. What she stopped short of saying was that she didn't think Jordan would appreciate her spending time with Corey, but she just couldn't discuss Jordan with Rayanne, even something that benign was somehow…off limits.

"Oh, yeah. You've been really busy. I hardly see you. I mean, I know you have like, other stuff going on."

"Yeah, and y'know school and stuff."

"Yeah."

Angela's not sure how much of this she'll be able to tolerate. She'd planned to meet up with Jordan at home by six-thirty or seven, but she didn't think she could deal with this awkwardness for that long. The loft wasn't far from Rayanne's. She could take the bus there and meet him earlier. She decided to hang out for an hour or so and then make some excuse.

Jordan is the first to arrive at the loft. He loves it when it's quiet like this. He was relieved when Shane came in alone. He hoped that it would just be the guys tonight, though that hardly ever happened, he could hope.

"Hey, Catalano"

"Hey"

"Where's Angela?"

"She's not coming tonight."

Since when did Shane care if she was there or not? Jordan thought it was a strange question. _Why does Shane care where she is?_

"You should tell her to bring her friend with her again, the one with the big…" Jordan cuts him off.

"Bro, don't even _think_ about it. That chick is a pain in my ass. She's the last person I want hanging around."

"Actually, I can think of one other person you'd want hanging around even less than her."

Shane cracked himself up. Jordan was not amused. He knew exactly who Shane meant and it wasn't funny. He was relieved; however, that Shane's inquiry was really about Sharon and not Angela.

"Not funny. Dude, I'm serious, leave it alone. I appreciate you taking her home for me the other night so that I could get Angela alone, but I get enough of her dirty looks at school; I don't wanna deal with it here."

"Okay, okay."

Paul, the bass player, strolled in with a group of girls, making Jordan more aware of the fact that Angela isn't there. He had gotten use to having her around. It felt like something was missing. He'd see her after practice, in like two hours, but he still missed her. Someone else was missing too.

"Where's Joey?"

Shane throws his hands up as if in defeat.

"Man, I told you, this is how he's been lately. We can never find him and then he comes stumbling in here wasted. I'm actually surprised he was straight yesterday, though I think I like him better when he's stoned."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"I thought you were gonna talk to him."

"I did."

"And…"

"And what? I can't make him do anything."

"Then he has to go. He's bringing us down, J."

"I know. I'll take care of it. Just cover for him tonight and I'll talk to him tomorrow. See if you can get hold of Aaron to take over on keyboard for the gig. He needs to be here tomorrow. He's got less than a week to learn the set. I guess for tonight we'll have to run through the set without it. I'd rather have you on drums for now."

"No problem, but you know how he gets when someone else is on his kit."

"Whatever, he's not here and I need a drummer, so…"

"I'm on it."

Shane makes a quick call and nods at Jordan, letting him know that Aaron is available and will be taking over on keyboard.

Jordan steps up to the mic.

"Listen up! We're doing the set for next week's gig, no changes. We're doing each number all the way through, twice. Let's try to get it right."

"What about drums? Joey bailed again?" Paul hadn't been listening to Shane and Jordan. He was busy showing off for one of the girls and had missed the whole discussion.

"Don't worry about Joey. Shane's covering and if he doesn't show for the gig, Shane's got it, right?"

"Yup."

"Aaron's coming in starting tomorrow to handle the keyboard. Just cover your end and we'll be fine."

Jordan counts them off and they run through most the set with no problems. They're working out a glitch in one of the songs when the phone rings and one of the girls picks it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, can I speak to Jordan?"

"What? I can't hear you."

Angela can hear the music and Jordan's voice, so she knows he can't come to the phone.

"This is Angela, can you tell Jordan that I'm on my way to the loft."

"Yeah, sure."

The girl hangs up the phone and goes back to sit with her friends.

When the band breaks, about twenty minutes later, Jordan sits by himself on the couch. He leans back and closes his eyes, wishing that Angela were there. He thinks about calling her, but she's not supposed to be home for another hour. It was like torture. He felt someone sit on his lap. It was weird because he was just wishing she was there sitting on his lap. He opened his eyes and it was one of the girls who had come in earlier. He jumped up and she fell off, just in time for Angela to walk through the door. From Angela's perspective, it looked like he'd jumped up because she had walked in. She turned on her heels and ran out the door. Jordan took off behind her.

"Angela!"

Paul and Shane were laughing at the girl who had thrown herself at Jordan. Paul made a comment about how Jordan was whipped, having eyes for no one but Angela. The girl is completely humiliated by this rejection.

Outside on the sidewalk, Angela makes her way to the bus stop. She's fuming. _I turn my back for one minute and he has some girl all over him?!! Nothing has changed, not a thing. How could I be so stupid? I can't believe I listened to him._

"Angela, where are you going?"

"Away from you!"

"I didn't do anything, I swear."

"No, I suppose you were just sitting there and she threw herself on top of you."

"Well, yeah, actually that's exactly what happened."

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"Right now? Pretty stupid. I'm telling you that I didn't do anything. I was sitting there with my eyes closed and someone sat on my lap. I thought it was you and when I opened my eyes, it was that girl. I don't even know who she is."

"Whatever."

"I'm telling the truth. Would you please listen to me? I don't want that stupid girl."

Just then, the girl came out of the loft and walked up to him.

"So J, I'll see you tomorrow at six, like you said."

And with that she walks away. Jordan is yelling after her,

"What the hell are you talking about? I never said a word to you."

She just smiles, waves at him, gets in her car, and drives off. Angela has heard enough. She is livid. The bus comes and she gets on.

"Angela, wait! I don't know what she's talking about. I swear!"

The bus pulls off and he's left standing there alone.

Later that evening

"Angela! Phone!" Danielle was yelling up the stairs.

"I'm not home!" She said it as loudly as she could so that he would hear her.

"Angela! Pick up the phone." Now her mother was yelling up to her.

"I don't want to talk to anyone"

"Jordan, she won't come to the phone. Did you have a fight or something? You know what, don't answer that. She'd have a fit if she thought you confided anything in me."

"I don't think you should do that. She's really upset. Talk to her tomorrow after she's had some time to cool down."

"I'll tell her you called."

Patty climbs the stairs and knocks on Angela's door.

"Come in, if you must."

"That was Jordan on the phone. Are you guys fighting?"

"No."

"Well, I have to say, for a girl that has spent the better part of this year pining over Jordan Catalano, you're none to anxious to talk to him."

"Mother, do you have to know every detail of my life? Can I have just a little bit of privacy?"

Patty is exasperated

"Angela, I just wanted to offer an ear. That's all. There's no grand scheme to intrude on your personal life. I just thought you might feel better if you talked about it."

Patty leaves, wondering when she became the enemy and why Jordan Catalano can talk to her when her own daughter can't.

Angela was awakened by the sound of something hitting her window.

Plink, plink, plink…

It was midnight and she had just fallen off to sleep, although she'd been in bed since 10pm. She went to the window and saw Jordan standing there staring up at her. _Great._ She threw on her boots, grabbed a jacket and went out, careful to avoid making noise.

"What are you doing here? It's after midnight. Are you trying to get me in trouble?"

"I wanted to talk to you but you wouldn't come to the phone."

"So, talk. You've got 5 minutes."

She stood there with her arms crossed in front of her.

"We need to settle this. I can't do the back and forth thing with you. You don't trust me, so I don't see how this is gonna work."

"I don't know what you want me to say. I know what I saw."

"But you didn't _see_ everything and you won't listen to me, so what am I supposed to do?"

"Jordan, it's late, I'm tired and I really am done with this."

"Could you stop being afraid for like, 5 minutes?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're so afraid that you're wrong about me that you refuse to believe that you could be right. If that girl was what I wanted, would I bother to come after you? Think about it. If I don't want to be with you, I have no problem telling you that."

_He's making sense. _

"Damn it, Angela, I'm standing here at midnight throwing rocks at your window!"

_It's true; this was not Jordan-like behavior_

"Okay. Alright. I see your point, but what was I supposed to think?"

"You were supposed to listen to me, not her."

"But…" He cuts her off

"Ange, I'm gonna say this one time and then I'm not gonna talk about it anymore. I have the opportunity to be with other girls everyday…at school, at the loft, at work and I haven't done it. This is the longest I've gone without sex since I was fourteen. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that I could have it anytime I want it, but I only want it with you."

"See, I keep thinking that you'll get tired of waiting for me and just go and do whatever."

"You need to get over it. I said I'd wait and I'm waiting. What more do you want from me?"

He walks away in frustration. _I swear, every time I think it's going good something happens and we're right back here again._

"We can't keep doing this. If you can't deal, Angela, say so, right now."

She didn't know what to say. She just stood there.

"People are gonna say stuff to you, about me, about us. You gotta toughen up. Just because we're together doesn't mean girls aren't gonna talk to me and it doesn't mean that guys aren't gonna scheme on you."

"Right, because they're banging down my door." She rolls her eyes.

"Just because you don't notice them noticing you doesn't mean they don't. Believe me, they do and I hear it all the time, the difference is that I don't listen to it and you do."

He stepped closer to her and reached for her.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"No."

"Then why is it so hard for you to believe me?"

She allowed him to draw her near and hold her. They kissed and it seemed to each of them that all was right with the world again.

"You better go in."

"Yeah."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Um, I know my mom invited you to the opening, but if you don't want to come, you don't have to. I'll probably die of boredom, but you don't have to feel like, obligated or anything."

"I'll meet you there. You're leaving with me, right?"

"Uh-huh"

"Good, 'cuz you have some lost time to make up for, Ms. Chase."

He was leaning up against the house with her between his legs.

"Okay, we were good until you called me Ms. Chase, that's what you call my mother, ewww!"

He laughed and mushed her a little.

"Whatever, don't change the subject."

"I'm all yours."


	4. Chapter 4

Rayanne came down the hall toward Angela's locker, hoping to catch her before homeroom. They hadn't hung out alone again since that first time and she completely understood. It had been awkward and uncomfortable for Rayanne too. When they did hang out these days, it was with Rickie or Sharon and that was just fine. Rayanne knew that if she stuck with it, things would be fine between them eventually.

_Damn! He's with her._ Jordan and Angela were at their locker. He was saying something and she was listening as if what he said would give her the meaning of life. It occurred to Rayanne that she could just walk up to the two of them as if nothing had ever happened. _It's not like the universe will implode if Jordan Catalano and I are within arm's length of each other. _Even so, she couldn't do it. She always felt like she was intruding on something very private whenever these two were together. Even when they weren't really doing anything profound or romantic, they still looked like they were making love.

_Wait til she finally does it. They might just spontaneously combust and like leave a pile of ashes behind, but what a way to go._ She smiled a little to herself. For a moment, she recalled that night with Jordan. It hadn't been anything special, but he was, um, well endowed and even though it was pretty quick, she thought it was the best quickie she'd ever had. Not that she had any feelings for him, she absolutely didn't; but in terms of pure skill, the boy had talent. She caught herself and pushed the thoughts out of her head. Her stomach growled and she remembered that she still hadn't eaten. _I gotta find Tino and get some grub._ She rummaged through her bag, looking for something to tide her over as she made her way to the front door.

As she exited the building, she felt a warm rush as if she'd peed herself. She turned and ran to the bathroom. She entered the stall and found that she was bleeding, somewhat profusely. _What the hell? _She felt a little queasy, so she allowed herself to sit for awhile. Her mind was racing, trying to figure out what was happening to her body. She tried to remember when she'd last had her period, but she was never one to track it and for the life of her she couldn't remember having a period recently. _Now way! No f***ing way. This does not happen to me! Not me! _She knew she was having a miscarriage, but she didn't know was whose baby it was. The first person who came to mind was Jordan and the idea of it caused her to feel even sicker.

He was one of four guys she'd been with in the last couple of months. _But I used a condom every time. No f***ing way! I can't believe this is happening to me._ She was more upset at the prospect that she may have been carrying Jordan Catalano's child than at the fact that she was losing a pretty substantial amount of blood. Beginning to feel lightheaded, she realized she needed help. _I am NOT going to that nurse's office. It's about as confidential as the National f***ing Enquirer. _She imagined an announcement coming over the loud speaker alerting everyone to the fact that she was pregnant with Jordan Catalano's baby, though not for much longer. _The clinic on Roanoke. It's only a few blocks away. _She tried to stem the flow with a tampon she had in her bag. Judging by what she'd seen in the bowl, she knew the tampon wouldn't last for long, but then it wouldn't take very long to get to the clinic. Thankfully, her style of dress was such that she could easily camouflage the stain produced by the sudden bleeding. She got herself together and headed out of the school and to the clinic.

The walk was tougher than she'd expected and she was losing steam fast. _What did I do? Oh God, please cut me a break here. I swear, I'll never take another drink, just please let it be gone. _ She recited this pseudo-prayer all the way to the clinic. When she got there, she told the woman at the desk that she was having a miscarriage and the receptionist could see from her pallor that there was something very wrong.

A nurse came out with a wheelchair and took Rayanne back to an exam room.

"Okay, Sweetie, wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Uh- I don't know. I'm bleeding, like, a lot, y'know from there and I don't know, I guess I'm pregnant."

"You guess? You haven't had a test?"

"No, I didn't know. I don't really keep track, y'know and I use a condom every time so, I don't really know how this happened."

"Okay, why don't you get undressed and we'll have look. I'll be right back."

Rayanne took off her clothes and put on the gown that was lying on the exam table, all the while reciting her prayer. The nurse came back in with gloves and a needle in hand.

"Let's see now, when did the bleeding start?"

"About fifteen - twenty minutes ago."

"And you said it was a lot of blood?"

"Yeah I have a tampon in right now."

"I'm going to ask you remove that so that I can see what's going on, but first I'd like to get some blood from you. You're probably going to be here for awhile and you might need a ride home, do you want me to call someone?"

Rayanne thought for a moment. Who would she call? Rickie made it clear that he was not going through any drama with her anymore, besides he'd tell Angela and that would just make matters worse. Sharon was out of the question and she'd never tell Amber, so…there was…no one.

"No, I-I don't want anyone to know."

"Okay, well let's get that blood and figure out what the problem is."

Rayanne didn't even feel the needle as it entered her vein. She had no one. There was no one to call. She couldn't tell a soul what was happening to her. It was the loneliest feeling she'd ever felt.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Rickie waited for Rayanne in the cafeteria for nearly twenty minutes before giving up and heading out to the bleachers. He tried to make time for her and keep tabs on her to make sure she wasn't drinking, but he was tired of playing nanny. He'd been spending more and more time with Delia lately. She totally "got" him. He knew she had a crush on him, but he didn't mind. It felt good that someone considered him attractive and could want him in that way, even if he didn't want her back. Hanging out with Delia made him feel "normal," like he belonged somewhere. Delia wasn't a drunk, she didn't ditch him to hook up with crazy guys, she'd never been picked up by the cops, and she always met him when she said she would.

There's a certain appeal in normal when your life is anything but. Living with Katimsky was great and it was really beginning to feel like home, but he was living in secrecy and that was hard. He knew he had to keep his living arrangements under wraps or risk being homeless again if someone put two and two together. He didn't want to get Mr. Katimsky into trouble. Pride House still had no openings and truthfully, he didn't want to go there. He wanted to stay with Mr. Katimsky and Jonathan. For once in his life, he could speak openly about how he felt about guys and ask all the questions he couldn't ask anyone else. It was incredibly freeing to know that you could be yourself at home. It was a feeling he'd never known.

Rickie pulled a sandwich from his bag and ate it noting that Jonathan had made it for him that morning. Someone had made lunch for him, took care of him. It was a nice feeling. It had taken awhile for him to accept such kindness. When he first moved in, he did everything but build an addition onto the apartment in an effort to repay the kindness of his English teacher. After about two weeks of this, Jonathan sat Rickie down and told him about his coming out and how traumatic it had been. Jonathan said that his friends became his family and that Rickie should consider he and Mr. Katimsky family because family are the people who care what happens to you, think of you before themselves, and wish only good for you, all the rest of it is just genetics, the luck of the draw. Then he threatened to decorate Rickie's room in NASCAR paraphernalia if he didn't stop acting like the hired help. Rickie laughed to himself and took another bite of the sandwich.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"So, Chase Face, I never see you anymore."

Angela sat on the windowsill of the girls' bathroom and prepared herself for one of Sharon's Jordan-bashing fits. She had one every other week, going on about how he's not good enough for her and how he doesn't deserve her; she could do so much better. Angela decided that this time, she wasn't just going to ignore it. Jordan was her boyfriend and she was pretty sure that he wouldn't let his friends trash her. In fact, he and Joey had nearly come to blows over Joey talking trash about her just the other day. She decided Jordan deserved the same respect from her friends that he demanded of his friends where she was concerned. She was just about to say something when Sharon continued to talk as she tried to do something with her hair.

"Things must be good, huh?"

"Yeah." Angela responded cautiously.

"Well good for you. I mean I still think you can do better, but I can see that he's totally into you."

"Really?"

_This was new. _

"Yeah, it's nice the way you two like, live together in that locker and how he picks you up and takes you home. The way he looked at you the other day at the loft, when he was singing… You're doing a whole lot better than me."

"Broke up with Kyle again?"

"Ughh, I can't even like, talk about it. I'm so ready for someone new. The trouble is that I can't date any of the football players now that I've been with Kyle. They have like, a code or something."

"They think with one brain, is more like it."

"I just don't know who else I would like be with, y'know?"

"Sharon, you don't have to date a football player just because you're a cheerleader. There are lots of other guys in the world."

"I know. There's just something about football players."

She made a dreamy face in response to which Angela rolled her eyes.

"Well, maybe it's time to branch out. How about the baseball team or the wrestling team?" Angela was being sarcastic and Sharon knew it.

"Very funny, you have your type and I have mine. I'm sorry if I don't go for the Neanderthal bad boy, I just love jocks, what can I say?"

"You can say sorry and stop insulting my boyfriend. You know, Sharon, I think Kyle is an idiot, and you could do a lot better than those bonehead jocks, but your choice is your choice and Jordan is my choice so quit it already."

"Jeez, okay. I'm sorry."

"I gotta get to class."

"Chase Face?"

"Yeah." Angela stopped at the door, but didn't bother to turn around.

"I am sorry. I just worry about you, y'know. We've been friends like forever and I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Well Rayanne, you were right, this was a miscarriage."

"So it's gone? I mean there was so much blood, it must be gone, right?"

"You haven't really lost as much blood as you thought. It always looks like so much more than it is. Even when we have our periods, the blood loss doesn't even amount to one cupful."

Rayanne couldn't have cared less about the blood, she just wanted to know that it was gone, that there was no evidence that it had ever been there.

"Okay, but is-it-gone?"

"Well there may be some residual material and we'll have to take care of that, but yes, the pregnancy has been terminated. It seems you were about 8 weeks along. You really should try to keep track of your per..." Rayanne cut her off

"8 weeks?"

"Yes"

"You're sure?"

The nurse nodded and Rayanne exhaled loudly.

_I was with Jordan more than two months ago so it can't be his. Thank God! I owe you one Big Guy._

"Is that good?"

"That's great. Okay, so what happens now?"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Her heart was pounding, but she didn't know why. He was just taking her to his house, no big deal. It's not like anyone was home. She wasn't meeting his family or anything.

_You know how when you read a book, you form images in your mind about how the characters look and even though all you have are like the words on the page, you could create a whole profile of a character including stuff that's not even part of the story? Well, it's kind of like that. I have this whole profile of what Jordan's house looks like, what his room is like. I can like see it in my mind's eye or something. I've been to his house before, but I didn't go inside. I wonder if it will be like I pictured it. _

Jordan rarely had friends over. If he had anyone over it was when he was sure his father wouldn't be home and it was only for a very short time. Shane stopped by occasionally, but Shane and Jordan's father had no love for one another, so Shane usually didn't stay long and on the rare occasion that he did, the visit was usually confined to the garage.

He wasn't sure about this. He had to change for work and rather than double back to his house after dropping her off at home, he decided to take her with him, but now he was having second thoughts. It wasn't that he was hiding anything exactly, he just wasn't ready to share so much. He knew she'd eventually find out about his relationship with his father and that she might even have the misfortune of meeting him if they stayed together for awhile, but he had no desire to bring those events to pass any sooner than absolutely necessary.

They went in through the back door. His house was laid out exactly like hers, but that was where the similarity ended. It was nothing like the picture she'd drawn in her head. She kind of figured that two guys living alone wouldn't have the nicest house in the world. She was wrong. The house was spotless; a place for everything and everything in its place. It was almost too neat. The kitchen was like something out of a magazine. The living room furniture was stylish and modern. Leather couch and love seat, wrought iron and glass coffee and end tables, and a home theatre system. She'd never seen a television that big in someone's house. If she had to describe the house in five words or less she'd call it beautiful and impressive. It truly was beautiful, but something wasn't right; it was cold, sterile. Then she realized…there were no pictures. No pictures of Jordan, he and his father together, other family members, nothing. There were pictures all over her house, some of them pretty embarrassing. Pictures of her and Danielle, the whole family, her grandparents. There was even one of her with Sharon and Brian when they were about seven. When Jordan saw it he commented on how Brian still wore his hair the same way.

"Want something to drink?"

"Uh, yeah, okay."

He grabbed two sodas out of the fridge while she looked around. Everything looked so expensive and perfect. She was afraid she'd break something, so she thought she should just sit still somewhere. When she compared their homes, she found herself feeling like the country cousin. There were paintings on the living room wall that looked like something out of a gallery. Jordan had told her that his father was a cop in Pittsburgh, a detective to be more specific, but she had no idea that law enforcement could be so lucrative. What Jordan didn't tell her was how dirty his old man was. He didn't tell her about the expensive vacations Anthony Catalano took, the expensive suits sitting in his closet, or the trips he'd take to Atlantic City where he'd blow loads of cash and not bat an eye. He didn't tell her any of that. Jordan had no proof, but he knew what a cop made and it couldn't pay for all of that. It was sort of ironic, he thought, that their biggest fights were over Jordan's "shady" friends, when the old man was the shadiest of all.

"Your house is beautiful."

"Thanks. What are you doing?" He was on the staircase looking at her seated on the couch.

"Sitting."

"I mean, why are you sitting down here? Come up."

She was curious about his room and at the same time, she wondered if all of this was an elaborate plan to get her into his bed. She decided that maybe that might not be a bad thing, stood up, walked over to the staircase and followed him up to his room. She was dumbfounded at what she saw. It was her room, only way better. She had no idea how he fit everything in there without making it claustrophobic, but he did. It was like a mini-studio. He had two guitars and a keyboard mounted on the wall like art. In a corner sat a mixing board, recording equipment, headphones and two amps. There was a desk, an armoire, a night table and…his bed. _Jordan Catalano's bed, like where he sleeps. _ She wondered what he slept in, as in boxers or nothing. She felt her face burn and tried to think of something else. She thought about what else he might have done in that bed besides sleep and stopped herself. _I am not going to think myself into a funk again. I do this to myself all the time. I am standing in Jordan Catalano's bedroom and I am not going to over think it…I wonder how many other girls have been in here. I'm hopeless!_

He was standing behind the open closet door changing into the coveralls he wore for work. He wasn't modest by any measure, but decided that changing right in front of her might have sent the wrong message. She was skittish and he didn't want to put her off. She knew he was changing and didn't quite know what to do with herself. The idea that he was behind her taking his clothes off scared and excited her at the same time. To distract herself from these thoughts, she looked through the collection of tapes and cd's he had stored in a built-in bookcase that was on one side of the room. She was in awe at the assortment of music he had. There were names she didn't recognize like Muddy Waters, Bo Didley, and Matt Murphy, and then there were the more familiar ones like Pink Floyd, The Who, and Santana. Some of the tapes were just labeled by style of music like Jazz. It was quite a curious collection.

"Wanna hear something?"

"What's…Muddy Waters?"

"He's a who not a what." He laughed as he closed the closet door. He was standing there in a sleeveless t-shirt with the coveralls around his waist. Her response to him was less about the music and more about his appearance.

"Oh."

She scanned him from head to toe, her eyes lingering on his chest and arms. This did not escape his notice, but he decided to let it go. He could tell she was already on edge.

"He's a blues god. You know those riffs I played for you the other night? I learned to do that listening to him"

"You listen to blues?"

"Yeah, the blues is like the basis for all music. If you really want to play, like _really_ play, you have to listen to it. I pretty much listen to everything, not like, opera or classical, but pretty much everything else."

"Who's Thelonius Monk?"

"Jazz god. He's a drummer."

She looked up at the instruments on the wall.

"I never knew you played keyboard."

"Yeah, Shane's mother taught us to play the piano when we were little."

"You two grew up together?"

"Yeah."

"Like Sharon and me. Our mother's were pregnant together. I've known her my whole life."

No response

"So, he's like your best friend or whatever?"

_She's fishin' again. I hate when she does that. It's like she's tryin to force me to spill my guts. It's not even like there's so much to tell. I just hate that she tries to like, __make__ me talk._

"I guess. Yeah."

He wasn't giving up anymore information, so she decided to not to push it.

Angela took piano lessons for five years, but never really enjoyed it. She could play, but had no passion for it. That had begun to change since she'd started spending time with Jordan. Suddenly, she looked for the guitar in every song she heard, paid attention and tried to pick out the different instruments.

She moved over to the mixing board and ran her fingers over it.

"That's a mixing board…" He began to explain its function. She only half listened. She was more in awe of the fact that he could explain so well what it was and that he knew how to use it.

"It's like your own personal studio."

"Yeah, I got a lot of it second hand. Tino knows a guy."

What he didn't tell her was that most of it fell of the back of several trucks and the rest was paid for with money he made doing stuff for Tino like scalping tickets and other things that were slightly illegal. He tried to limit these activities, especially with Anthony being a cop and all. His father had made it clear that if Jordan got locked up because of his no good friends, he'd rot in a cell. Anthony said he'd make sure it went really bad for him. That was enough to keep Jordan sort of playing on the edges and never really getting in too deep.

While he was putting on his work boots, she continued to explore and noticed a few drawings on the wall next to the bookcase. They were done in pencil and they were good. One in particular caught her eye; it was a drawing of the picture on her nightstand, the picture of the two of them.

"You drew this?"

He looked up and saw what she was referring to.

"Yeah." He was slightly embarrassed. He'd forgotten that the drawing was there and he hadn't meant for her to see it. He kept most of his drawings in the armoire, a fact he was thankful for at this moment considering that a lot of the most recent ones were of her. He could only imagine the questions _that _would produce.

"When?"

"I don't know, like, a week ago or something." Tying his boots and trying to think of a way to change the subject.

"Jordan, you only saw this picture once and that was like, a few weeks ago."

"Yeah, so."

"So, you drew it from like, memory?"

"Uh-huh."

He wanted her to stop talking. He came up behind her and kissed the back of her neck.

"Mmmm."

He loved when she made that sound. She turned to face him. They stood there kissing for a little while before she walked over and sat down on the bed. He wasn't sure what this meant and decided not to read anything into it. They didn't have time for that anyway. He could get it done in the time they had, but not the way he wanted to do it. He laid her down and ran his fingers through her hair.

_I'm lying in his bed…with him. I think I might have a heart attack right here, right now. _They were looking into each other's eyes, speaking volumes without saying a word. He put his hand on her hip and pulled her on top of him. Their kisses were soft and slow. Their hands explored each other. She let herself enjoy it, not worrying about what it would lead to. This went on for about fifteen minutes when he told her they had to go. It killed him to stop but he had to take her home before going to the garage and he didn't want to be late. He'd been ditching work a lot lately to spend time with her and his boss, Manny had thrown a fit. He was going to have to put in some hours to smooth it over, not to mention that he was kind of broke. He wasn't doing much with Tino these days, so he figured he'd better not screw things up at the garage.

Jordan pulled out of the driveway just in time to see his father pull up. _Damn, that was close._ He was glad that he hadn't put the top down. He didn't want his father to see Angela. Anthony Catalano was a cruel man and he would use anything to torture his son, so Jordan shared as little as possible with him.

"Was that your dad?"

"Yeah, that was him."

She moved closer to him and he put his arm around her. He was amazed at how she could sense when he needed her. Just seeing his father could change his mood, make him self-conscious, and cause him to withdraw. She was the antidote, for sure. The last time he and his dad had gotten into it, Jordan walked out when it became obvious that it was about to get physical. He drove around for almost an hour and found himself at her house. She couldn't have known what brought him there and yet, she knew exactly what he needed. She'd gone out driving with him. When they parked, he put the top down and they laid across the back seat listening to music with him laying back between her legs, his head on her chest. She had stroked his hair and said almost nothing the whole time. It was like she knew he just needed someone to make him feel loved.

"So, we should do that again."

"Do what again?" She had pulled him from his thoughts and he wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"Go to your house."

"Yeah, maybe."

"I like being in your room…in your bed."

He had no idea how she did it. How she managed to be completely innocent and completely seductive at the same time. It was a mystery to him.

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't have liked it so much if Anthony caught us up there."

"Anthony?"

"My father."

"So, we'll just have to make sure he's not around." She was playing with his hair now.

"We'll see."

"He doesn't like you to bring girls over?"

"I never brought a girl over."

He knew she would read something into this and she should because it did mean something.

"Never?"

"You're the first."

"Oh."

_There she goes. I can almost hear the wheels turning in there. _

"So when do I get to be in _your_ room again…in _your_ bed?" He decided he'd turn the tables on her and try to stop the wheels from turning so much.

"Whenever you want. Patty's not home till 6 and Graham is never home, so…"

"Danielle?"

"I know how to get rid of her."

"And what are we going to do in your bed?"

"The same thing we did in yours." She traced the outside of his ear with her finger and then kissed his earlobe.

_She's killing me with this and she knows it._

"Remember that when I come over tomorrow."

"Oh, I will."

If she were any other girl, he'd have labeled her a tease and moved on, but he knew that this was her way of testing and trying things out. This was all new to her and she was enjoying the hold she had on him. He wasn't stupid, he knew she was playing with him, but he also knew more about the game than she did, so in the end he knew he'd win.

They were in front of her house now. She kissed him in the slowest, sexiest way ever. She did that thing with his lip that she knew made him crazy. He was going to be late for work and now he just didn't care.

"You'd better go."

"I'm goin'." But he hadn't moved.

"Jordan, you're not going, you're sitting here kissing me."

"Uh-huh." He was kissing her neck and his hands were on her butt.

"You can do that all you want…tomorrow. Go to work before you get fired."

She freed herself from his embrace and opened the passenger door. He groaned and put his head on the steering wheel.

"You are evil."

"Me?" She smiled sweetly at him.

"Bye." He mumbled into the steering wheel.

She reached over and kissed him.

"Bye."

He took a deep breath and pulled away from the house, making his way to the garage. Manny had been good to him. Jordan was twelve when he started working at the garage. He'd been riding his bike when he got a flat and stopped at the garage hoping that they could fix it. He didn't have any money so he told Manny that if he could just use their tools, he could fix it himself. Manny saw no harm in it and gave the kid access to whatever he needed. It was just a bicycle tire, but the kid was good with his hands. Manny offered him a job sweeping up and being a gopher. Eventually, Jordan learned to fix cars and had become particularly good at body work. He had an eye for color and his paint jobs were flawless. This had earned him quite a reputation and it had earned Manny a ton of money.

It was Manny who had given him Red. For that alone, Jordan felt he owed Manny his life. That car had been a refuge to him on more than one occasion. Cars got dumped in front of the garage all the time, but there was something about this one. Jordan saw it, not as it was, rusted out and broken down, but as it could be. Manny saw the look on the kid's face and decided that it would be a good project for him. Everything under the hood had to be replaced or rebuilt. It was because of Red that Jordan had become so good at bodywork. The day he got her running, Manny beamed with pride. The next day, Manny went with him to the DMV and got the car registered. He pulled into the lot and Manny walked out to meet him.

"¡Perdido!" _(translation – "Lost one")_

"Hey, Manny."

They shook hands.

"Oh, so you remembered how to get here?"

Jordan put his hands up in mock surrender. Manny slapped him in the arm and pointed at two cars parked out front, handing him two sets of keys.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Rayanne climbed the stairs to her apartment, feeling each one. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck. The painkillers she had been given after the procedure were starting to wear off and the cramping had begun. The nurse had told her what to expect and had given her instructions as to what to do if there were complications. She was given antibiotics and painkillers and told to return to the clinic in one week for a follow up. All she wanted to do was sleep and forget the events of that day. She reached into her bag for the bottle of painkillers and found two pamphlets the nurse had given her. One was for a miscarriage support group. _Not!_ The other was for a crisis hotline.

The nurse told Rayanne that while the pregnancy wasn't planned and she was obviously relieved at the fact that she was no longer pregnant, it was still a good idea to hold on to the information. She said that sometimes women experienced very strong feelings of loss after a miscarriage, even when they didn't think they wanted to have a baby in the first place. Rayanne assured her that she wouldn't need a support group, but the nurse insisted and then gave her the other pamphlet in case Rayanne needed to talk to someone about the other issues she was dealing with, not knowing who the father had been, panic at the thought that it could have been her friend's boyfriend and not having anyone to talk to about all of it. Rayanne protested and again the nurse insisted, shoving it into Rayanne's bag. Rayanne was holding the crisis hotline pamphlet in her hand and found herself dialing the number.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: It's been a very long time and for those of you who have emailed me asking for an update, I apologize for the delay. That being said, I'll be updating regularly through the summer so stay tuned. As always, many thanks to all of you who take the time to review my work, it is greatly appreciated and I look forward to your feedback. Most of all, thanks to GoodnightGirl for your tireless reviews. Now, on with the show…enjoy.**

"Catalano!"

Hearing his name, he turned towards the unfamiliar voice, hoping it wasn't some girl looking to cause trouble for him. After that whole mess at the loft a few weeks earlier, he was somewhat wary of any girl who approached him. _It's that cheerleader chick, Angela's friend…Sharon Cherski._ He was proud of himself for remembering her name. He'd been trying to be more sociable with Angela's friends. Brain was cool and that gay kid, Rickie, he was cool too, but the cheerleader annoyed him. She was always giving him dirty looks and making smart remarks.

"Yeah, what's up?"

He was genuinely curious because they almost never spoke to each other and as far as he could remember, they had never had a conversation apart from Angela.

"You know that Angela's birthday is next week, right? The 18th."

"Yeah, so?" He leaned back against the wall behind him.

He knew when her birthday was and he'd known for several months, even before they'd broken up the first time.

"So, I'm just making sure you like, know."

"Yeah, ok, whatever."

"Cuz it's like, a big deal, y'know?" Her eyes were boring into him as if to etch the date onto his brain.

"Uh-huh."

"So, like if you need help…y'know, like…finding her a gift…let me know, like…soon."

He was leaning against the wall looking blankly at her. Sharon was beyond frustrated. It was like talking to a rock. _What __does____she see in him? Jeez!_

"You done?" Jordan looked as if he might fall asleep listening to her.

"Oh, I am _so_ done. Just don't forget, okay? Think you can handle that?" She leaned in and sort of squinted at him as she spoke. He rolled his eyes at her in return.

"I gotta go." He turned and walked away, leaving a frustrated Sharon looking at his back.

He resented the implication that her birthday wasn't important to him and he was completely annoyed by her bossiness. It made him appreciate Angela all the more. She really was different from most girls. Even though she tried to get him to talk about stuff, she wasn't pushy and obnoxious like Sharon.He felt somewhat smug because he knew about the birthday dinner Patty had planned and clearly, the cheerleader did not.

He wasn't big on birthdays, but then this wasn't about him. He knew that in Angela's family, this would be a huge deal. Sixteen was a big deal to girls, period. They got all squealy and giggly about it, like something big was going to happen that year. On his sixteenth birthday, his father gave him $100 and told him to go out, get laid, and have a couple beers on him. It was the nicest thing Anthony had ever done for him; he was drunk at the time. Shane's mother always tried to do something for him, but after years of Jordan avoiding birthday festivities, she finally gave up and decided to respect his wish not to celebrate.

He'd known for more than month what he was going to get her. He knew the minute he saw it that he wanted to give it to her, birthday or not. It just so happened that everything fell into place and he decided that it would make the perfect birthday gift. He'd spoken with her mother about it and set everything up not long after they'd gotten back together.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Hallie, we've been through this, the décor is your thing; the food is mine." Graham listened to the rather excited squawking coming through the phone as he turned over.

"I don't care."

"Okay, that sounds fine. What?!"

"I _am_ listening."

"What do you want me to say? Yes, Hallie, I think that would look great. Satisfied?"

"I'm not _patronizing_ you. Look, just make a decision. I trust your judgment."

"Okay, I'll be there before ten. Make sure Jimmy has everything prepped. Yesterday, I wasted half an hour chopping vegetables for the primavera."

Graham hangs up the phone and sits up in the bed. It's 9am, the house is quiet. Everyone is gone. _So, this is what it feels like to be alone?_ It's not that he hadn't been alone in the house before, he had; he just never really liked the feeling until now. For the past month or so, he was getting in after everyone went to bed and waking up after they'd gone off to work and school. He was becoming use to the solitude of his schedule and he found that he liked it. This was not a good thing. Graham had been feeling trapped by his life for about two years, though he was only acutely aware of it more recently.

Actually, it wasn't his life so much as his marriage. He'd been pissed off at Patty for pushing him into that cooking class, but now he realized that she'd known him better than he knew himself. So why wasn't he happy? Isn't that what a good relationship yields? The familiarity that comes from years of living together and sharing experiences, isn't that supposed to be comforting somehow? _I should be thankful that she knew what I wanted even if I didn't. She always knows what I need. I wonder if she knows that I check out when we make love or that I wait until she's asleep before coming into the house to avoid having to? _He felt like a heel. _What's wrong with me? Patty is great. She's beautiful, smart, together…predictable, controlling, smothering. Whoa! What am I doing? _The direction his thoughts took scared him.

He felt like he was losing his family, especially, his girls. Angela was swept up with that delinquent boyfriend of hers and though he was hardly home these days, he found that they had little to say to one another when they did see each other. Danielle would be heading to high school soon and he knew he'd be losing her to some boy with a car or a motorcycle, just like Angela. He felt like it was beyond his control. _Things used to be so simple, when did they become this complicated?_

As he prepared to leave the house, his thoughts drifted back to the restaurant and he felt some relief. It had happened so fast that it seemed almost magical. One day he was in an intermediate continuing ed cooking class and not long after he was standing in the kitchen of his own restaurant in proper chefs whites. It was surreal; there were moments when he thought it would all evaporate.

The restaurant had become his world. It was the one thing in this world that bore his mark. It was his. Sure, he had a business partner, but she was only interested in revenue and profits, the business end of things. The heart and soul of Saffron was all him. The food was an extension of him, his likes and dislikes. In the kitchen, he felt at ease. It was the one place on earth that he felt he was in complete control. He felt competent, skillful, and powerful; a stark contrast to how he felt at home.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"So, she's meeting you for lunch? What's her name again?" Rickie spoke to Brian as he unpacked his lunch, offering Brian a little of this and a little of that.

"Amy. Yeah, she drove in so, we're gonna go grab something outside."

"That's nice. I'm glad things are working out for you." Rickie looked up at Brian as if to emphasize his last statement. "Things _are_ working out, right?" Rickie had noticed how diligently Brian was monitoring the cafeteria door as he waited for Amy to meet him. 

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like serious or anything, we're just like, hanging out, y'know."

"But you like her, right?" Rickie hoped that Brian was moving on, leaving thoughts of Angela behind.

"I guess. I mean she's great. She like, totally gets it, you know the school thing, the parent thing. Her parents are kinda old too, like mine, so I can feel slightly less like a freak, at least about that. The psychology thing is just like, my cross to bear or whatever."

As Brian scanned the entryway for the umpteenth time, he saw Rayanne enter the cafeteria, tapped Rickie on the shoulder, and with his head gestured towards the door. Before she even reached the table Rickie could see that she was all excited about something. He hoped it wasn't some crazy scheme; he just wasn't in the mood. Rayanne came bouncing up to the table, throwing her bag down with a loud thump.

"What do you have a body in there?" Brian was shocked by the weight of the bag.

"Not the last time I looked, but you never know." Turning her attention to Rickie, "So, are we still going shopping for Angela's birthday present? I just saw Cherski and she's on a mission to make sure we don't forget." She stood at attention like a soldier and saluted him, "I was given instructions to remind you that Angela's birthday doth approach."

She made herself comfortable, sitting on the table with one leg tucked under the other and proceeded to pick at Rickie's lunch. "I swear that girl needs a life. Anyway, I was thinking, something small and lacey." Rayanne laughed wickedly, eyes bright and sparkling. "Sweet sixteen, she's gonna be gettin' some action soon Vazquez, you can bet on it."

"Graf, you're a degenerate." Brian tried not to look too affected by Rayanne's implication that Angela was soon going to have sex with Jordan. Actually, he was relieved to know she hadn't done it yet.

"Sixteen is like a sexual turning point or whatever." She looks at Brian, "At least it is for normal people. Your turning point will probably be thirty." Her attention back on Rickie, "I'm telling you, this is gonna be her year." Rayanne rubbed her hands together and grinned.

"Rayanne, can we do this later?" Rickie knew that there was only so much of this that Brian could take without cracking.

"No, we can't '_do this later_.'" She mocked Rickie, "Doesn't he have a girlfriend? He should be out buying lacey things too." She sauntered over to Brian and looked at him lasciviously. "Wanna come with us, Krakow? I'll help you find something for her." She stepped back and did a provocative catwalk for him. "I can model it for you, if you'd like."

"You are so like, twisted. I'll see you later, Rickie." Brian turned in time to see Amy walk through the doors and made a beeline for her, preventing her from getting too close to their table.

"Why do you have to be so mean to him?"

"'Cuz it's fun, getting back to small and lacey…I was also thinking black. Red is so overdone."

"Yeah, well, I don't think lingerie is an appropriate gift. Try again."

Rickie was going through her bag, looking for candy, when he came across the crisis hotline pamphlet. He looked quizzically at it and then at her. Rayanne was looking off into the distance, describing the elements of an imaginary ensemble for Angela. As Rayanne debated aloud the merits of the thong vs. the crotchless panty, Rickie looked through the pamphlet. When Rayanne looked down and saw him reading it, she almost choked. She grabbed the pamphlet and the bag from him as if impatient with his fruitless searching.

"Give me that! I swear, I'd think by now you'd have your _own_ purse to rummage through."

Reaching in, she quickly pulled out a bag of candy and handed it to him.

"Here."

He noticed that she slipped the pamphlet back into the bag. Rickie thought her behavior odd, but decided to let it go for the moment.

"Okay, so you don't like crotchless panties, no surprise there. I would think you'd at least _consider_ the thong. Maybe if we were buying them for Catalano, you'd be more supportive of my suggestion." Rickie gave her the 'very funny' face.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. Try again!"

He was annoyed, but also concerned. She said things to piss him off when she wanted to throw him off her scent. He wondered if she'd been drinking again. There had been a few parties recently, but he didn't go to any of them. He'd only ever gone because of her; to watch over her, but she had sworn off all parties after the thing with Jordan. Since it wasn't his scene, Rickie was happy to be done with it. Still, something was off with her. He thought of the pamphlet and decided that if she was carrying it around maybe she finally recognized that she needed help; much more help than he was qualified or at this point, willing to give.

"Well, what did _you_ have in mind?" She said as she re-worked a renegade braid that had unraveled.

"I don't know, but it won't be underwear."

"Party-pooper." Rayanne pouted at him.

"Rayanne, did it occur to you that we would be dressing her for a party neither of _us_ would be attending?"

Rayanne jumped off the table and grabbed Rickie by his arms. "Let's go shopping after school today." She danced around him, jumping up and down like one of those hyper lap dogs. Rickie hesitated, "Come on, Rickie, it'll be fun. Pleeeeeease."

"Okay, okay. We'll go and look around. But, Rayanne, I'm telling you, if you stand me up this time, I'm done. Got it?"

"God, I love it when you get all butch." Rayanne says breathlessly as she rubs herself all over Rickie's body to which he responds by rolling his eyes and exhaling forcefully.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"I just don't get why we have to do this again. Vic already taught us this stuff." Jordan shifted in his chair and rubbed his eyes.

"Well, I don't think I would call that teaching. He was a lunatic." Brian's disdain for the substitute who had caused such a stir all those months ago was more than evident in speech and body language.

"Best teacher _I_ ever had. He wouldn't let me get away with anything, y'know, like, in a good way."

"I heard Mr. Katimsky talking to Ms. Lerner and he said that Foster's making him re-do everything that Vic went over with us."

"Whatever, anyway, I don't think I'm gonna need much help with the assignment. It's the same as writing a song, right?"

"Yeah, I guess it's the same thing. I mean, songs usually like, rhyme, but poems don't have to, y'know...rhyme, but yeah, I guess it's the same. I mean, I guess a song is just a poem like, set to music, so, um, yeah." Brian was rambling

"Dude, you ok?" Jordan said with a little laugh.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Why, do I not look fine?"

Jordan knew exactly what was wrong with him. He turned around in his seat and saw, directly in Brian's field of sight, Amy, the girl that Jordan had encouraged him to talk to a couple of weeks before. She was looking at Brian, with a little smile on her face. He hadn't really pressed for details, but clearly something was going on and now Brian was turning all kinds of colors. Jordan was thoroughly amused.

Brian started to fidget and he looked a little panicky.

"Relax Brain, before you have stroke or something. So, what's up with her? You two talking or what?"

"Um, yeah, there's talking."

Brian turned beet red and Jordan chuckled as he responded.

"'Talking'…r-i-i-i-ght." Jordan gave him a knowing smile and then they both cracked up.

Jordan wouldn't ask anything more. Just as he wouldn't discuss Angela with his friends, he rarely asked his friends about their conquests. Truth was, it bored him. The only reason he ever had for asking was that there was something weird about doing a girl your friend just did and he tried to avoid that situation whenever possible.

They eventually recover from their laughing fit.

"Well, alright."

Jordan bumps fists with Brian, who isn't quite sure what it is Jordan's trying to do to his hand, so he just imitates Jordan's actions.

"Okay, so since you don't need help with the poetry assignment, we should just meet like next week or something."

"Yeah that'll work." Jordan closes his notebook and gathers his things. "Hey, we're playing a gig at Vertigo again this weekend. You should bring her." He motioned toward Amy.

"Oh, uh- thanks. Maybe I will." Brian put his books into his backpack. "So, um you should like, know that Angela's birthday is coming up."

Jordan looks up at him and says nothing. The awkward silence spurs more rambling from Brain.

"I mean, I only know because we've been to each other's birthday parties since we were like, five or whatever, y'know because we're neighbors, so I like can't forget because, well, it's been like 11 years of birthday parties and you just don't forget something like that."

Jordan knew Brian was only looking out for her, but it annoyed him just the same. He was about to say something when he had a random thought that Brian spoke in run-on sentences on regular basis.

"I gotta go. Let me know if you need a ride to Vertigo. I have to pick Angela up anyway, so you guys can ride along, y'know since you're like _neighbors _and you like _live right across the street_."

He was somewhat proud of himself for being able to throw that 'neighbor' thing back at Brian. He'd heard it one time too many and it was starting to really irritate him. He might not have been the sharpest tool in the box, but he knew people and he knew that Brian's constant need to explain himself was a futile attempt to mask his feelings for Angela and while Jordan felt for him, he didn't trust Brian in the least.

Normally, he wouldn't view a guy like Brian as competition for a girl's affections, but he knew that they had a history and Brian knew her, like really knew her, so he made sure never to underestimate the kid. _Stranger things have happened_. He thought to himself that Brian really was the better bet. He was smart, he would wait forever for sex, since he had no clue what he was missing and he'd probably pluck out his own eye before he hurt her. Still, she'd chosen him and that meant something. He found it ironic that of all the guys in their school, it was nerdy, twitchy, Brian he most feared when it came to Angela.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Rickie found Jordan and Angela at their locker.

"Hey." The two boys spoke at once, greeting each other.

"Hey, Rickie. Here they are." Angela handed Rickie a stack of flyers for Residue's gig at Vertigo. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. I'll have this place plastered before the end of the day. Delia said she'd take some too."

"Thanks. I have to go. Ms. Lerner is out for blood, I have to get to that stupid geometry review, I'll meet you outside?" She looked up a Jordan.

"Yeah, later"

"Bye," She went off on her way to class, leaving her two favorite guys at the locker.

"By the way, man" Jordan glances at Rickie, "thanks for handing out those flyers. We really need to pack the place on Saturday if we want more gigs. The band gets a discount on drinks and stuff; I'll tell them to add your name to the list."

"Thanks, I don't mind helping out. You guys are good." He turns to leave and then turns back intent on reminding Jordan about Angela's birthday. He was just about to open his mouth when Jordan spoke.

"What is it with that Cherski chick?" He closed the locker and leaned back against the bank of lockers as he spoke.

_God, he leans great._ Rickie was momentarily distracted by the image before him.

"Sharon?"

"Yeah, she jumped all over me this morning, like I don't know when her birthday is.'

"Sharon's birthday?"

"No, Angela's"

"Oh." Rickie suddenly felt bad for underestimating Jordan. "She reminded us too, Rayanne and me."

"Whatever, then she like wanted to help me find her a present. Like I need her help." He rolled his eyes as he stood upright.

"Um, so you like, already got her present?"

"Yeah, like months ago. That's what pisses me off. She acts like I'm this f*ck up or something and she doesn't even know me, y'know? I've said like eight sentences to her in my entire life. Then, in tutoring, Brian reminded me too." He shook his head and sighed loudly.

"I can see how that could make you mad."

"Yeah, well, I guess I should like, thank you for not bugging me about it."

"Uh, yeah, no biggie."

"I gotta go. Later."

"Later." Rickie stands there somewhat dumbfounded at their exchange.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm glad you guys are enjoying it. Please continue to review, it's very encouraging and it's interesting to see what jumps out at you and hear your take on the characters. Special thanks to GoodniteGirl23 for helping make sense of my disjointed ramblings. You're beta-ing makes all the difference.**

* * * * ** * *

They met in the parking lot, as usual. He was leaning against the passenger side door, smoking a cigarette, talking to Shane. It was as if he sensed her presence. The moment she stepped out into the sunlight, he looked up and met her eyes. This caused Shane to turn and look as well. As she approached, Shane punched Jordan in the arm and turned to leave, passing Angela. He nodded to her a silent greeting which she returned.

She couldn't take her eyes off of Jordan. He was beautiful, standing there half-leaning, half-standing, staring at her. She had no idea if he knew what thoughts that ran through her head when he looked at her like that. She felt her face get warm and knew she had to turn her gaze away. She looked at the ground for a second, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear before looking up again and into his eyes.

"Hey."

_That voice. He does it on purpose, I know he does. _She was thinking about the husky, near whisper he sometimes spoke to her in. It did things to her body that she wasn't use to and of which she was somewhat embarrassed.

"Hey." She responded a shy smile crossed her lips.

She stood directly in front of him and he adjusted his stance to accommodate her between his legs. Pulling her into an embrace, he kissed her softly for a couple of minutes. Without a word, he moved to open the door for her and as he guided her to her seat, she noticed his hand was a little lower down her back than usual. She didn't bother to correct him.

They rode to her house in near silence. She felt warm all over and had an urgent need to touch him, not so much in a sexual way; she just needed to feel the warmth of his body next to her. She pulled near to him and he threw his arm around her, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder.

She found herself thinking about sex all the time, at home, in class, when she was with him, when she wasn't. The stream of thoughts was almost constant. She wished she could just let go and do it, but something held her back. She wasn't even sure what it was. She loved him; there was no question about that. She knew he felt strongly for her, even if it wasn't exactly love. She thought she trusted him, but she was still fearful that he'd move on after getting what he wanted. She had this argument with herself at least once each day.

_Maybe it's the challenge that keeps him coming back. _She had heard somewhere that men love a chase and when the chasing was over, they usually moved on._ I would die. It's that simple. I would keel over and die if he walked away after we slept together._ Still, she felt like the only way she would get relief from this near constant state of arousal was to go ahead and do it. _I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's like every cell in my body craves him. I __need__ him, like, physically need him. Like people need food or sleep or something. God, is this normal? People can't like live this way, like all the time, can they? _

At that moment, she had a somewhat disturbing thought, _Oh God, did my parents feel this way about…each other? Gross! _She imagined them pawing each other and kissing passionately the way she and Jordan did all the time. The psychic image proved too much and she found that she needed to drive it from her mind…quickly. She refocused her attention on the softness of his hair and his scent, a mix of soap and pure man. It was a heady combination and soon the thought of Patty and Graham in the throes of teenage lust faded away.

He pulled into the driveway and they went inside. She checked to see if anyone was home. They were alone. It used to scare her, a little, to be alone with him for too long. She had been afraid that one of them would get carried away. These days, she enjoyed it. He let her set the pace and occasionally he was the one to pull back so that things didn't get out of hand. When she thought about this and how he'd explained to her that he was willing to wait but some things were just too much for him to handle, it only made a stronger case for her to let go. She thought that it was an indicator of how she could trust him and that he wasn't just waiting around for sex, he actually cared.

They were in the kitchen and she was warming up leftovers from the restaurant for them. He was always hungry, she didn't even ask anymore, she just assumed he wanted to eat and prepared him a plate. While the microwave did its work, he worked on her. He kissed the back of her neck and she relaxed completely. He lifted her up onto the countertop and placed himself between her legs, tangling his fingers in her hair as she nibbled on his lip and then on his ear. He thought he would go insane with desire for her and then she did something completely unexpected. She placed her hands on his behind and pulled him closer to her. He responded with a hand on her breast. She offered no protest.

The microwave beeped, but they didn't hear it. They continued to explore each other. He was certain it wouldn't go any further so he resigned himself to just enjoy the moment while it lasted. He fully expected her stop any minute. When she didn't, he carried her with her legs wrapped around his waist, into the living room and onto the couch. She was impressed with his strength and his ability to do this without tripping or bumping into the furniture. They landed on the couch still attached to one another. She liked the feel of him on top of her. He was kissing her hungrily and she responded with equal passion. She could feel him between her legs, ready, waiting. She wanted him, she really wanted him. _Just let go. Let it happen. Trust him. You want this, you know you do. _

He sat up and pulled her up on top of him. She was straddling him now. He was cupping her breast with one hand and undoing her bra with the other. Still, no protest. He was trying his best not to assume that this was it, but it sure was looking like it. Still, they had gone pretty far before and she stopped or he did. He didn't want to today, though. He thought she would have to be the one to pull the plug this time.

It felt so good, his hand on her bare breast. Her breath caught in her throat and she shuddered a little when she felt his hand on her skin. She wanted to take her top off, but she was embarrassed to be naked in front of him. She wanted to touch him there, but somehow couldn't bring herself to do it. _Stop being a baby, just do it! God, I want to_.

She was so soft and her breast fit perfectly in his hand. He felt her react to his touch once he had unfasten her bra and reached underneath it. He knew that she was self-conscious about the size of her breasts, but he found them to be perfect. He imagined taking one into his mouth and a little moan escaped his lips. He placed his hands on her hips, which were gyrating ever so slightly on his lap and the combination of the thought and the feeling nearly did him in. He pulled back. "Ange, Baby, stop." She couldn't hear him. "Babe, please, you gotta stop." She was lost in her own desire. "Angela…stop moving…please." He could hardly talk. She finally heard him and stopped moving. Her body had been moving on pure instinct; she hadn't even realized she was doing it.

"Did I do something wrong?" She was sure she had.

He didn't respond at first. He was trying to recuperate, pull himself together.

"No, that's the problem. You do everything so right and it's _killing_ me." He rested his forehead against her chest. She was still straddling him and her hands were in his hair.

"Hmmm, so I do everything right?" She said playfully.

"Uh-huh" he said with his head still buried in her chest.

Then she bent down and kissed his neck.

"Was_ that_ right?"

"Angela..." He tried to protest. His eyes were closed and his hands were still on her hips, which were now still.

She licked his earlobe and sucked on it, just a little.

"Was _that _right?"

"Angela, I think you might be the devil."

She laughed.

"No but I guess that was wicked."

"Yeah, it was. Could you stop, seriously? This is getting' kinda painful."

"Okay. Danielle will be home any minute anyway. Are you ready to eat? The food should be warm."

"Yeah, whatever. I can't think right now." He sat on the couch with his head in his hands willing his body to submit to his mind.

She dismounted and made her way to the kitchen, somewhat pleased with herself. Meanwhile, he was kicking himself wondering if he should have taken her upstairs instead. Would she have gone through with it? He would have let it continue, he wanted to, but had it gone to its natural conclusion, he would have needed a change of clothes.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Sharon, thanks so much for helping out with this. I didn't want to make a huge to do about it, you know how she gets, but it _is _her 16th birthday, I mean we _have_ to celebrate it. Well, okay then that about does it. Call me back with the names. I'll drop the invitations off to you tonight."

"What?"

"Not more than 10. I just assumed, you, Jordan, Rickie and Brian would be there. I'm not sure how things are between her and Rayanne, but I assumed since they're speaking, I should invite her. I suppose if you all wanted to bring dates, that would make 8. You decide and let me know."

"Ok, thanks."

Graham enters the shop and makes his way behind the counter. The setting is familiar and foreign at the same time. He had spent years working here. He knew every inch of the space, knew where everything went. He found the smell of paper, which should have been familiar and comforting after so many years, somewhat repulsive. He leaned down and kissed Patty.

"Hi."

"Hi, this is getting to be a regular thing, you showing up like this." Patty gave him a big smile. Graham had known her long enough to be able to tell the difference between a real smile and her fake Patty-smile. This was the real deal, she was truly happy to see him and it only served to make him feel worse about himself.

"Yeah, I thought I'd stop by on my way into the restaurant to discuss the menu for Angela's party. I want to finalize it now, just in case things get busy."

"I'm impressed."

'What's that supposed to mean?" _Why is she always surprised when I get things right? _

"Nothing. I mean, I'm usually the one who does the planning, that's all. I like that you're thinking ahead. It's great."

"You make it sound like I'm incapable of planning. I cater huge events, you know."

"Graham, you're overreacting. I didn't mean anything by it. It was meant to be a compliment."

"Yeah, well, your backhand was always right on point.

Patty sighs loudly, "What? Honestly, Graham. You're making too much of this."

"Just tell me what you want me to make. I have to get going before the dinner crowd rolls in." He turned away from her, just slightly.

"Well, you're the food person, you tell me."

"Have you given this _any_ thought at all, Patty?" Graham shakes his head in contempt and shifts from one foot to the other. "How many people are we talking about?"

"I thought we'd have about 10 of her friends, my parents, Neil and Marla, and the Cherskis. I invited Bob and Bernice Krakow, but they had plans, so, 16, not including us."

"Fine, I'll put something together for 20. See you later."

He walked out and never looked back. Patty's frustration was growing daily. She'd meant nothing by the comment. She was genuinely trying to compliment him on being organized. Lately, everything she said to him produced this reaction and while she knew she could be hard on him, she wasn't willing to accept that this was all about her.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

As Angela got ready for bed, she thought about her birthday and what she might want to do to celebrate when she realized that it was impossible to do all the things she wanted to do because everyone in her life was so…separate. If she hung out with Jordan, which is really all she ever wanted to do, she couldn't be with Rickie and even though Rickie and Sharon got along, it's not like they hung out together, then there was Rayanne. Awkward. They were friendly, but there was still this barrier that forced them to keep everything right at the surface. She had gone to the mall to hang out with Rickie and Rayanne last week but it was weird. There were things she wanted to talk about with Rickie, but didn't feel like she could with Rayanne there. Jordan picked her up and that was even more awkward. He would have given Rickie a ride, but there was no way he was letting Rayanne into the car, not that she would have accepted a ride from him anyway. It was just too strange. She just couldn't imagine Rickie, Rayanne, Sharon and Jordan hanging out together. She thought the stress of trying to manage such a gathering would kill her.

She wondered what her parents were cooking up for her and hoped it wasn't a party. Her birthday was a week away and they hadn't said anything about it which made her suspicious. She knew her mother couldn't let a "milestone birthday," as she called it, go uncelebrated. Angela decided she would be fine with a cake and nothing else. _What was the big deal about being sixteen anyway? And what was so sweet about it? What's really going to change from me being 15 on Thursday to me being 16 on Friday? I mean it's not like my breasts are suddenly going to grow in or something. _

When her mother had asked what she wanted for her birthday, she said a 1am weekend curfew, to which Patty simply laughed and walked away. The thing was, Angela was serious. All she wanted was to be the master of her own time. Jordan didn't have a curfew and if she could stay out until one, she could spend loads more time with him. She knew it was a longshot, but you can't blame a girl for trying.

_Jordan_…Though they had settled into a rhythm of sorts since getting back together and had become much more comfortable with each other, the thought of him, his voice, his touch still produced mammoth butterflies in her stomach just as they had when she saw him for the very first time leaning against a locker with his head tilted back, eye drops in hand. She smiled at the memory which seemed ancient.

Jordan had been working a lot lately and they weren't spending as much time together as she would have liked. She thought, maybe he was saving up for her present. She wondered if he even remembered her birthday was coming up. Should she drop a hint? What did she expect anyway? They hadn't been back together all that long and he didn't seem like the big present type. She decided to set her standards low so as not to be disappointed.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He sat on the bleachers, lit up a cigarette, and took a long drag. Jordan wasn't looking forward to this dinner. It had weighed on him all night. He had finally managed to suppress his panic before arriving at her house this morning and then her mother mentioned it to him, unknowingly setting his heart racing all over again. His thoughts and emotions were like warring factions. In his heart, he only wanted to make her happy but in his mind, he knew that her friends would be watching his every move on one end and her father would be watching him on the other. _She'll be fine. Her friends and family'll be there. I'll just meet up with her after._ He took another drag. _She's really gonna be pissed off if I'm not there. F*ck! _

He thought about telling her that he had to work that night. It wouldn't be a lie; he would go to work and then meet up with her after. _Can't do that, I ditch work just to sit on the couch with her and watch TV. If I don't take off, she's gonna think it means something. Uggghhh! This is getting way too complicated. _He just couldn't deal with all the scrutiny. _Her grandparents are gonna be there, I mean c'mon. What am I gonna do, shoot the breeze with Gramps? No way. I'm not going._ This back and forth continued in his mind until Shane showed up.

"'sup?"

"Nothin'" Jordan sat with his head hung low, examining the ridges in the bleachers metal slats.

"Are you two fighting again?" Shane said with more than a little frustration. "Dude, apologize. I don't care what you did, what she said, who was right or wrong. I am _not_ gonna sit here and watch you drag you're sorry ass around for the next week because she won't talk to you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You. Every time you sit there lookin' miserable and tortured, it has Angela written all over it. Whatever she thinks you did, cop to it and apologize so we can all move on with our lives." Shane's tone was forceful and he meant it to be.

Jordan damn near drove him crazy after the thing with Rayanne. Even though Jordan never said more than three or four sentences about the whole incident and how he had ruined things with Angela, he spent the next several weeks looking like someone shot his dog.

"We're not fighting." Jordan finished his cigarette and used his boot to put it out.

"So what then?"

"Her parents are having this birthday thing for her and she's gonna expect me to be there."

"See, what did I say? Angela. So, tell her you can't go." Shane shrugged his shoulders as he spoke.

"Won't work."

"Then suck it up and go." He reached out his hand and Jordan handed him a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"You're a lot of f*cking help, you know that? I got that far on my own."

Shane looks at him with a broad grin before lighting up.

"Bro, just go, what's the big deal? Look at it this way; it'll score you major points."

"There has to be a way to get out of it."

"Not without landing you in the doghouse."

"F*ck! I can't do this." Jordan moves under the bleachers as if to hide from it all and leans his head against one of the metal girders.

"You wanted a girlfriend, now you have one and all the crap that goes with it."

Jordan looks up at Shane.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nuthin' I'm just saying, you chose to complicate your life, so, now you have to deal with it. Don't get me wrong, I like Angela. She's cool and everything, but you gotta admit, things were easier before her."

"Things were different. Not everything was easier."

He thought about how difficult school had been and how it was now. It still wasn't easy, but it was a whole lot better. He actually had a shot at getting his diploma and that was all her doing. It wasn't just school either. He had felt like he was on a wheel, doing the same tedious, pointless things day after day, having the same conversations with his friends, none of it amounting to anything more than the passing of time. Then there was the music. She was like a muse. Whether she made him happy or miserable, she inspired him to write and to play. Sometimes she would just say something or look at him a certain way and he'd hear actual notes in his head that went along with the words or the gesture. Things were different before, not necessarily easier.

"Yeah well, whatever. Make a decision. If I were you, I'd suck it up. I mean how bad could it be? You go, sing 'Happy Birthday,' eat a little cake, and you're a f*cking hero."

Jordan looks up at the sky as if seeking divine intervention. Shane looks at him and shakes his head.

"Whatever man, listen, Kate's beefin' that you don't come by anymore. I told her she wouldn't see me either except that I live there." They both laugh. "She did not appreciate my sense of humor."

"I'll stop by later. She's gonna rip me a new one." Jordan looks at Shane hoping that he'll say otherwise, instead Shane nods in agreement

"Yup…you missed her birthday."

"Sh*t! I completely forgot." Jordan closes his eyes as and shakes his head as if expressing disappointment in himself. Kate Donnelly was tough as nails and not terribly sentimental, but little things like Mother's Day and her birthday were important to her. He had messed up royally.

Shane looks at him with one eyebrow raised.

"What? I forgot."

"Well, you better do something to make it right. She's pretty mad about it."

"I'll take care of it."

Jordan made a mental note to pick up a six-pack and stop by Shane's house on the way to practice. Shane looked up and saw Angela approaching. He nudged Jordan.

"Hey." Shane spoke first.

"Hi, Shane."

"How many of those things did you make?" Jordan asked, referring to the stack of flyers in her hand.

"Like 250. My mom ran them off at the shop. I think she got a little excited."

Shane put out his cigarette and reached out to her, "I'll take 'em. There's this chick at Big Guy Burger who loves us, she'll get rid of them." Angela handed the stack to Shane. He started to leave and then turned back.

"Catalano, don't forget."

"Don't forget what?" Angela asked him. Jordan looked at her as if he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

_Damn, Shane! I'm gonna kill him. _

"Nuthin. I gotta stop by his house later." Jordan took her hand and moved from under the bleachers to where they could sit down.

"Oh."

He was surprised she didn't say more. It wasn't like her to not pursue it.

"So, um, I can't come to the loft tonight."

"How come?"

"I have a geometry exam and I'm so not gonna pass it if I don't like, really study. I even asked Brian to help me, so as you can see, I'm desperate." She rolled her eyes in frustration with her situation.

"Do what you gotta do. Actually, I was gonna ask you to take the bus today. I don't have enough time to take you home and stop at Shane's."

"Gives me more time to study, I guess. I'll just go straight to Brian's then."

"Wait, you're studying at his house?"

"Yeah, my sister is like, _in love_ with him and she'll keep interrupting us, so I figured if I went over there, she wouldn't be able to bother us."

Jordan couldn't believe he was jealous of Brian, but he was. He told her to cut her last class and meet him in the parking lot. He wanted to make sure that he gave her a reason to keep her mind on him and he wanted Brian to see them together, just to reinforce who's who and what's what.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"People, please get your poems to me by tomorrow. I won't be giving extensions and uh…I will be taking off for uh…lateness."

The class utters a collective groan.

"Well, gee whiz, folks, I have a life too ya know and I don't want to be stuck grading late…papers over the break, so please get them in on time. Look, this assignment is a, uh, um…a formality. I know you've done it already and I can appreciate your…frustration, but it has to be done and procrastination will only make matters, ah, um, worse, so let's just get it over with, okay?"

The bell rings and dejected students file out of the room, one by one.

Sharon approached Angela who was gathering her things, "Spring break, finally. It seems so late this year."

"I know. It felt like we were never going to get a break."

"So, do you have like, lots of plans?" Sharon asked

"No, actually, I don't really have any. Y'know, whatever happens, happens."

She was looking forward to doing nothing for the next week and then ending the break celebrating her 16th birthday with Jordan on Friday. Jordan had surprised her, saying that she shouldn't make any plans for that night, because he was taking her somewhere. What a shock that was. This, from the man who never plans anything. She'd decided that was what she really wanted to do anyway and since no one suggested anything else to her, she told her mother that those were her plans.

"We should hang out and do some stuff next week. Please make some time for me. We haven't hung out in like, forever." Sharon pleaded with Angela.

"I know, Rickie said the same thing. Maybe we should all do something next week, like a movie." She had a stroke of brilliance the night before as she drifted off to sleep. All of her friends could go to the movies together. It was perfect. There was no need to talk to each other in a dark theatre and the whole thing would only last a couple of hours, surely she could pull that off. If they went out to eat afterwards, they could talk about the movie. It was perfect.

"Well, I have band. See ya later."

"Bye."

Jordan was sitting on the desk behind her, waiting. She didn't even realize he was there so when he reached out and put his hand on her waist she jumped a little.

"You gonna make time for me too?" He whispered in her ear.

"I guess I could do that. My mom signed Danielle up for some like, week-long thing at church and she's gonna be out of the house all day, so…" She took his hand and led him out of the classroom and to their locker.

"All day?" There was no way he could have misinterpreted the subtext in her statement.

"All day." She couldn't suppress her growing smile. After yesterday's unusually heated make-out session, she was eager to be alone with him and at the same time, nervous, but she was sure something amazing was going to happen this week.

"Think you can stay out late?"

"I don't know, why?"

"We're getting ready for next Saturday's gig at Vertigo, so we're gonna be rehearsing every night. The manager told Shane that some guy with a club was coming by to check out the talent and we could get a paying gig out of it. I figured, y'know, after…we could…go somewhere…or something." She could feel his lips barely touching hers as he spoke.

"That's…great." She responded somewhat breathlessly, her eyes closed, caught up in the sensation of his lips brushing against hers. It killed her how he could barely touch her and get almost the same bodily response as if he'd embraced her in the most passionate kiss.

"So you think you can…hang out after?" He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I don't know. Maybe y_ou _should ask her, she'll give _you_ anything." Referring to her mother.

"Whatever." He continued to play with her hair

"I'm serious. If _you_ ask her, she'll say yes. Apparently, you can do…no…wrong." Now he was kissing her neck, the spot that usually led to them skipping their next class and spending the next 47 minutes engaged in amorous activity.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews on chapter 6 and for those of you who I couldn't personally thank for their reviews (Mariondavis), please know your feedback was appreciated. I want to also invite those of you who haven't read it to check out "Yesterday's Tears." It's a one shot fic that I wrote awhile ago. To beta-extradonaire, GNG23, many thanks, you have been a tremendous help and a total blast to write with. Okay enough of …enjoy!**

* * * * * * * * * *

"Has anyone seen Angela Chase today?" Ms. Lerner was livid. Just yesterday, she'd spent more than fifteen minutes lecturing the girl on how important it was to apply herself. Next week was spring break and before you knew it, finals would be here. Angela was running out of opportunities to pull her grade out of the toilet. "Abyssinia, you know Angela, don't you?"

"Uh, yeah." Abyssinia responded tentatively, wishing she could melt into her desk and not be seen.

"You tell her that if she isn't in my review class tomorrow, there will be serious consequences. I swear, I just don't know what's wrong with you girls. Open your text books please…"

* * * * * * * * * *

Jordan watched her board the bus, having done what he intended to do and noting that it had the desired effect. He could tell she wasn't going to be thinking about angles and protractors tonight. Still, he thought he might stop by after practice…just to say 'hi.' He spotted Shane and told him he was headed to the house.

"Watch your ass. She has a mean right hook." Shane sort of chuckled a warning.

"I remember" Jordan laughed in response.

Jordan thought about Kate on the drive to the store and then to the house. She had been the closest thing to a mother he'd had. She had been there for him for as long as he could remember. Angela's mother popped into his head at that moment and it troubled him. He liked Patty, but it bothered him that he could think of her in the same way he thought of Kate. It was somehow too much. His thoughts went back to Kate once again.

When Anthony and Jordan moved to Three Rivers, shortly after Jordan's mother left, Anthony went looking for a babysitter and was referred to Kate. She watched a bunch of the neighborhood kids and she lived just a block away. Jordan was three years old when he met the Donnellys, Kate, her then husband, John, and her boys, Patrick and Shane. Sean and Stephen would follow years later. It started out as business and it was a great gig. Anthony paid Kate to take care of Jordan while he was at work and he paid her extra for keeping the boy overnight when he was on a case that would keep him away from home for days at a time. She had soon grown to love the sad but beautiful blue-eyed boy and she raised him as her own, along with her sons, treating them as brothers.

Kate was pretty in that girl-next-door sort of way. She was a natural beauty, almost never wearing make up or complicated hairstyles. To look at her, you'd have thought she was in her mid-20's. Her body left no evidence of the 4 children she'd birthed, a fact not lost on the opposite sex. She had attracted her share of men in the ten years since she and John Donnelly had divorced. Just like John, none of them turned out to be much good. She had a talent for choosing men who were loose with their fists. Jordan could remember more than one occasion when he, Patrick and Shane ended up under the bed or kitchen table, hiding while John and Kate had knock down, drag out fights. She finally threw him out when he swung at Patrick one day, frustrated after looking for work in vain. Kate would stand toe to toe with any man, but she drew the line at them touching her kids, Jordan included. Of course, that ceased to be an issue as the boys came of age. No man had put his hands on her in the last few years and as far as the boys were concerned it would never happen again.

Aside from his uncle, Dominic, Kate was the only adult who had ever confronted Anthony about the abuse or advocated for him in any way. When Anthony had broken 10 y.o. Jordan's wrist, Kate went over ready for a fight. What she ended up with instead was the threat of having her children taken away. Tough as she was, she backed down. Kate knew Anthony could make it happen, just from the icy cold stare he'd given her as he said it. Her children meant everything to her. Jordan never knew exactly what had happened that day when she went to talk to his father, but he knew Anthony and whatever he'd said or done had Kate shook. She did her best to keep Jordan safe, short of confronting his father again. Even after the business part of the relationship ended, when Jordan no longer needed a sitter, Kate continued to care for him and put as much distance between him and Anthony as possible. Her greatest fear was that as Jordan grew into a young man he would challenge his father. She was sure that it would result in one of them going to prison and the other to the morgue.

Kate always said that "raising good men" was her job. She was determined that none of her boys would be like the good-for-nothings she tended to attract. She tried to teach them right from wrong, making sure they went to church, until they were at least 13 and had made their confirmation. She signed them up for boxing, hockey, basketball and the like. She'd been the one to give Shane and Jordan the, "birds and the bees" talk when she caught them in her garage at age twelve with a couple of older girls. She also gave them their first pack of condoms and threatened to _"cut it off"_ if they didn't use it responsibly. That memory always brought a smile to his face.

She tried to give the boys as much as she could, teaching them everything from how to play the piano to how to defend themselves. Kate was a little thing of a woman, but having grown up in the same house with her five brothers, she was a brawler who could give as good as she got and she made sure her boys could take care of themselves.

He knew she was gonna rail on him, both for staying away for so long and for missing her birthday, but he didn't mind. She had done so much for him over the years that she could say anything she wanted to him. She'd earned the right.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Thoroughly annoyed at Rickie's unwillingness to accompany her on a candy run, Rayanne circled around to the back of the school where cheerleading practice was breaking up. Sharon stood off to the side by herself, pom-poms in hand. Football players in their lettermen jackets moved as almost a single organism from the bleachers to the field. The lettered, pom-pommed, amoeba began to break apart as each cheerleader claimed her man and couples went their way.

"Did ya loose you're spirit stick?" Rayanne said from behind her, chewing on a licorice lace, making Sharon jump nearly out of her skin.

"Oh my God! Don't do that!"

"Aw what's the matter Cherski? Kyle fluffing someone else's pom-poms?"

"Cathy Kadem's." Sharon stared at the group with her mouth poked out.

"So? I thought you were done with him. Y'know, takin' the high road and all." She reached out to offer Sharon a licorice lace which Sharon promptly refused.

"I am…done with him. I am." She seemed to be trying to convince herself more than Rayanne. "I don't want to be with him, like at all. I don't even miss him. It just…it feels like…I can't like hang out with them because everyone's paired up and I'm ya'know…not."

"Whatever. What's the big deal about being paired up? I mean, think of it this way, a whole world of opportunities lies before you." Rayanne made a sweeping gesture in front of her.

"I don't expect you to understand."

"Oh, right 'cuz I have like, the most slut potential, right? I'm too like emotionally stunted or something? Just 'cuz I don't see the need to be tied down, or whatever, does that meant that I can't appreciate your dilemma?"

"I guess not."

"See, the way I see it, you were not only tied down to Vinovich, you were tied down to like, one specific group of guys. Breaking up with him means you can expand, explore, y'know see the world. Think of me as your tour guide. Why don't we go down to Louie's and shoot a game of pool and try to find a solution to your lonely, empty existence."

"Gee, when you put it that way, how can I refuse?"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"So, for this point to be equidistant from either line it has to be located on the perpendicular bisector of this angle?" Angela looked at Amy with an uncertain expression, almost wincing.

"Yes! You got it!" Amy put her arm around Angela and squealed. "See, you _can_ do this. It's just logic that's all. You can't think of it as math."

"Wow. I actually got it right? You're really good at this; you made it so easy to understand. Maybe I should sign up for tutoring." Brian, who was extremely uncomfortable watching the two girls bond, perked up when he heard what Angela had said. He couldn't handle the idea of the girl he liked tutoring the girl he loved.

_It's __already hard enough trying to be in a relationship where the other person is like, an active participant for once. _He sat thinking of ways to discourage this budding friendship.

"You should. I have room on my schedule. I wouldn't mind helping you at all. You're not bad at this; you just need someone to present it differently." Amy gave Brian a dirty look. He had been the one helping Angela initially, but the two had ended up yelling at each other, requiring Amy to step in and take over.

"Thanks, Amy. You have no idea how much this means to me. If I fail one more exam, my parents are gonna lock me in the house til I graduate." Brian thought that might not be a bad idea. _At least it would keep her from spending so much time with Jordan Catalano._

Brian tried not to, but he couldn't help but notice the red convertible in front of the Chase house every morning before school and again every evening after school. He tried to ignore its presence but he found himself drawn to the window or compelled to sit in the tree out front and mark the time of its arrival and departure. Much to his chagrin, he'd spent more than a few Friday and Saturday nights watching Angela and Jordan make out in front of her house. If that wasn't bad enough he'd seen Jordan carrying groceries into the house for Patty and the two of them laughing like old friends. It was as if Jordan had become part of the family, just like that. Brian had known the Chase's for more than ten years and he still felt like he needed an invitation or a valid reason to knock on their door. _This guy just pulls up to the curb and they roll out the red carpet_.

"Why don't you work on that review sheet and we can go over it when you're done." Amy looked at Brian and then at the kitchen door, several times, signaling to him that she wanted him to meet her in the kitchen.

"What's wrong with you?" Brian watched Amy as her eyes darted from left to right. "Do you have something in your eye?" Amy sighed in deep frustration at his inability to read her signals.

"Yeah actually, I think I have an eyelash in my eye. Can you look?" Brian walked over to her.

"Uh, you should wash your hands first. Let's go into the kitchen."

Brian walks over to the sink to wash his hands and Amy hit him.

"Ow! What?" Brian was confused by her behavior. Amy stood with hands on her hips, lips tight.

"First of all, there's nothing in my eye. I was trying to tell you to go into the kitchen so I could talk to you."

"Oh." He stood rubbing his arm in the spot where she'd hit him.

"Second, what was all that about?" She folded her arms in front of her as if to shield herself from his answer.

"All what?" Brian was truly at a loss; he had no idea what had her so miffed.

"You two. The way you argue is like too, I don't know, intense or something. Is there something I need to know?"

"About what?"

"You and Angela." Flustered and tongue-tied, he searched his mind frantically, trying to come up with a plausible explanation for what Amy had obviously picked up on. Brian felt like a rat in a trap with nowhere to go, no way out, so he reverted to the familiar.

"Me and Angela Chase?" He shook his head. "No, we've known each other for like forever, y'know, being neighbors and all. I guess, y'know, it's because of that, like brothers and sisters or something." He was nodding his head as he spoke.

"There's a word for a relationship between a brother and sister that results in that kind of tension and I believe it's a crime as well."

"What???! I don't know what you're talking about. Angela and I are just neighbors. That's it. Besides, she's dating Jordan Catalano."

"_Besides_? What do you mean _besides_? Are you saying that if she _wasn't _dating Jordan Catalano you might not be 'just neighbors'? "

"No! I'm just saying…it was just…I was just telling you like, the facts that's all."

"Brian Krakow, I'm not a fool, you know. It's obvious that there's something between you two and I am _not_ putting myself in the middle of it."

"Amy, I swear, there is nothing between me and Angela Chase. There never has been and there never will be." Even as he said it, he had a knot in his stomach because he was afraid that it might really be true, that he would never be more to her than a neighbor or friend. Saying it out loud in such a declarative manner felt like a proclamation of certain failure.

Amy eyed him suspiciously, arms folded in front of her once again.

"What? What more do you want me to say?

"I don't believe you."

"Well, ask her yourself then." Brian started for the kitchen door, not knowing what else to do and wanting desperately for this conversation to end. He hoped with all his heart that she wouldn't accept his challenge because hearing directly from Angela that he meant nothing to her, he was sure, would kill him, maybe not instantly, but it would prove fatal just the same.

"Wait." A reluctant Amy grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back over to where he'd been standing. "So she's dating Jordan Catalano?"

"Yeah, she like, lives and breathes for him." He said as he rolled his eyes.

"Really? Wow."

"'_Wow'_ what?" _Not another one fawning over him. Am I cursed or something? Every girl I want ends up mooning over Jordan Catalano. Shoot me now._

"Nothing, I just wouldn't have put the two of them together. I mean he's kind of, not to be mean but, he's kind of…dim. She seems like a smart girl, that's why I thought you and she…"

"It's really kind of amazing actually. I mean he's limited, like in terms of academics, but there's a reason for it. I've been using the Phonics Manual to work with him and I think I figured it out. See, according to the manual he's a Rudimentary Reader with Low Literacy Skills, so he can't, like, write an essay without my help, but he writes these amazing songs with like lyrics and everything with no problem. Everything is like, misspelled but he's really good. I've heard him play a couple of times and…he's just…well, it was just really…amazing. He actually invited us to come see his band tomorrow night at that coffeehouse, Vertigo. I think we should go."

"Uh, Brian?"

"Yeah,"

"How many more times are you planning to use the word 'amazing' to describe Jordan Catalano?"

"What? I was just saying_...__you misunderst…__he's _not amazing. I mean, the fact that he can like, do that even though he's is, y'know...dim, like you said, is amazing_."_

"Uh-huh. Does Angela know about the giant man-crush you have on her boyfriend? I guess there really _isn't_ anything going on between you two after all."

"What?! I-DO-NOT! I can't believe you just…I was simply saying…I have to go." He heads for the door once again and turns back, "…and for the record, I think she can do a lot better than Jordan Catalano."

"You mean like, you?" Amy thought that she might catch him off-guard with this and get an admission out of him.

"What? No! I already told you there is absolutely nothing between me and Angela Chase."

"Okay, alright." She was laughing now. "Just checking." Amy moved a little closer to Brian and took his hand, smiling seductively at him. "She's going to be busy with that for awhile." For once, Brian has no trouble reading Amy's signals.

* * * * * * * * * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it. Look for an update in the next two weeks or so and remember to post a review. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi folks, thanks for the chapter 7 reviews and emails. Feedback is always appreciated. As promised, here's the next installment. Hope you like it. **

Jordan pulled up in front of Shane's house and cut the engine. He looked at the house he'd practically grown up in and prepared himself for the beating he was about to get. With six-pack in hand, he knocked on the back door.

Kate looked out of the front window and saw Jordan's car.

_What the hell? Why is he knocking on the door?_

"Come in."

Jordan walked through the kitchen and into the living room where a few small children sat playing with blocks and found Kate sitting on the couch diapering one of her charges.

"Well, well, well. You decided to grace me with your presence, Mr. Catalano. Is it a special day or something? No, it's not, is it? That was _last_ week wasn't it? And why the hell are you knocking on door? Since when do I make you knock on the door?"

"I, uh, I didn't know if Matt was here and I didn't wanna just walk in."

"Who gives a sh*t if Matt's here or not? This isn't Matt's house, it's mine. Sh*t, you had keys to this house long before he ever did, so don't let me catch you knocking again."

"Okay, okay. I was just trying to y'know, be respectful or whatever."

Matt was Kate's live-in boyfriend. They'd been together for about two years, and he'd been living in the house for a year or so. Matt seemed cool, but there was something about him that just didn't sit right with Jordan. He didn't like the guy and that was one of the reasons he hadn't been around quite so much lately, though he'd never tell her that.

"You disappear and when you finally show up you don't even have a hug for your ma? Why are you all the way over there?" She was laying the baby into a bassinet.

"'Cuz I'm not stupid and I'm not trying to get within striking range." He smirked.

"Smart boy." She turned to face him, hands on her hips. "So, where the hell ya been? I haven't seen you in like a month AND..." Jordan cut her off. She was more hurt than angry and he felt bad about it.

"I know. I missed your birthday. I'm sorry, I just had a lot goin' on and I completely forgot."

"Yeah, I bet you had a lot goin' on?" She pulled her long red hair into a ponytail. "What's that you have there?"

He handed her the six-pack. "Peace offering?" She gave him a stern look and then punched him hard in the arm which he had already braced for impact, knowing he was gonna get it in one form or another.

"Don't let it happen again, got me?" She shook a finger at him, rolling her eyes and neck simultaneously. "I don't care _where_ you are, _wh_o you're with, or _what_ you're doing; I _expect_ to hear from you on my birthday."

"I know, I know. I'll make it up to you. Mother's Day is coming up soon." She rolled her eyes again and gave him a smirk as if to say, "_yeah, right."_

There were two days that Jordan hated more than any others; Mother's Day and Father's Day. Each reminded him of how alone and unwanted he was. Kate was great and loved him like her own and he knew it, he even called her "Ma" from time to time, but she wasn't his mother and that was the truth of it.

"So, what's all this stuff you've got goin' on?" She took the beer from him and went into the kitchen to put it into the fridge and wash her hands.

When she came back into the living room, she turned the TV on and popped a Sesame Street tape into the VCR to keep the kids occupied while she and Jordan spoke. He handed her two pieces of paper. The first was a report card and the other was his last social studies exam. Kate looked over both without saying a word. When she was done, she looked at him with unmistakable pride.

"Holy sh*t! Now, that's impressive."

He beamed at her. "Good, right?" It made him happy to see her so pleased. She'd put a lot into her boys and sometimes she didn't see much of a return.

"I'm still pissed at you, but at least you weren't screwin' around. So, what's her name?" Jordan was thrown.

"Huh?"

"Don't play with me, Boy-o. Seems to me you're walking pretty tall these days. Your grades are good and from what I hear, that band of yours is going places. Some skirt has you caught up. I can smell it."

Jordan hung his head in resignation. He had never been able to hide anything from her, due in part to Shane's big mouth and to the fact that she knew him so well.

"Come on, spill it."

He sighed heavily and chewed on his thumb for a few seconds before opening his mout to speak.

"Her name's Angela."

"And…"

"And what?" Jordan feigned ignorance. He knew she wouldn't be satisfied with what he'd offered, but he hoped nonetheless.

"Well, we certainly don't have to worry about you givin' up any state secrets, do we? What does the girl look like? Where'd you meet her? Are her parents circus performers? Give me something."

"We're in the same school, she's a redhead and as far as I know, her parents are not circus performers, but her dad is sort of a clown."

"A redhead huh?"

"Yeah I thought you'd like that." He gave her his most charming smile.

"And she's got you studying?" He nodded

Kate knew school was a touchy subject with Jordan. She'd dragged him to school kicking and screaming more days than she cared to remember. He just was never any good at it.

"She signed me up for tutoring and she like pushes me or whatever. Can we talk about something else?"

He felt like he was under a microscope. Kate could have had a brilliant career in law enforcement with her interrogation skills.

"No, I like seeing you squirm." Kate laughed.

She enjoyed putting him in the hot seat. She was also curious and wanted to make sure he hadn't gone and gotten himself involved with some man-trapping little wench. A girl who had this much influence on him could be just as much a curse as a blessing.

"So, this one is different."

"Yeah, she's not, y'know…" He searched for the right words.

"A hussy." Kate offered the adjective at the forefront of her mind at that moment. Jordan laughed and relaxed a little.

"No, she's not a hussy, Kate"

"A nice girl, then?"

"Yeah."

"Well, plenty of nice girls get knocked up too, so you know what to do."

"Ka-a-a-te…" Jordan looked like he was in pain. He did not want to have this conversation with her.

"Don't 'Kate' me. You better not make me a grandmother before 40. I am way too young to be anyone's grandmother, so you just look in that drawer over there and take what you need." She pointed to a desk in the corner where she had a drawer filled with condoms. She was no shrinking violet when it came to talking to her boys about sex. Having had her first child at 17 and the next one at 18, she knew of what she spoke.

"Kate, she's not gonna get knocked up." _If she only knew how completely true that was. It's almost embarrassing._

"So _you_ say. Better safe than sorry." She got up and took out a handful of condoms, placing them in his hands. "I don't care how nice a girl she is, when you guys get all worked up, you think with the wrong head and then next thing you know…" she gestured towards the toddlers scattered about her living room.

Jordan put the condoms in his pocket just to shut her up.

"Um, can I ask you something?" He shifted from one foot to the other and avoided her eyes.

"Shoot."

Kate leaned forward as if he were about to tell her a secret. Jordan rarely asked for advice, he learned mostly by observing, so when he directly asked her for advice, she knew it was serious.

"So, this girl…Angela, her parents are throwing her this like, dinner or whatever for her birthday, y'know with like, her family and a couple of friends or whatever and...how do I get out of it?" He leaned against the desk, his arms across his chest hugging himself.

"Get out of it? Why do you want to get out of it?"

"I dunno, just do." He fidgeted and chewed nervously on his thumb.

"You like the girl, right?" She studied his body language. Whatever was going on was really getting under his skin. She thought to herself, _he's really caught up in this chick._

"Yeah." He was looking at his boots, still avoiding her eyes.

"No, look at me." Jordan looked her in the eye. "You really like her."

"Yeah." His response is barely audible.

"Then you have to go." Jordan's head and shoulders drop in resignation.

"What? What's the problem? I don't understand, am I missing something? What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything." He responded defensively

"Uh-huh, save it for someone who _doesn't_ know you."

"I dunno, I mean…" He was up and moving, arms sort of flailing, "her father watches me like I'm gonna steal something and she has these friends who are like just waiting for me to screw this up and…I just don't wanna deal, y'know?" He went right back to hugging himself. The frustration on his face was heavy.

Kate laced her fingers, put her elbows on her knees and took a deep breath.

"It's hard to know how to be a good man, Jordan and Lord knows you've had some sh*tty examples, but you know what a good man isn't and that's enough for you to figure out what kind of man you should be. Sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to do. That's life; get over it. It's her father's job to look sideways at every horny little bastard that knocks on his door. That's what fathers are supposed to do, so you're just gonna have to suck it up. What's with the friends though? Did you do something to make them think you'd screw up?"

"Sorta" Still chewing on his thumb.

"Sorta? I don't understand 'sorta.' You did or you didn't."

"I did, I mean, I f**ked…up a couple times, but it's not like that anymore and besides, it's none of their business."

"Uh, newsflash, when people care what happens to you, it becomes their business. Let me ask you, why do you think I gave you those condoms?"

"So I _wouldn't make you a grandmother before 40_." He responded somewhat mockingly.

"Yes and no, and don't be a smart ass. You're not too big to get your ass kicked. I gave them to you because I don't want you to ruin your life. Who you're doing is not my business, but if I thought that you were with a girl who was trying to mess up your life, it would become my business real fast. Get it?" He nodded. "You f**ked up, so now you have to prove that you're not gonna f**k up again. They're just looking out for her and they should. Isn't that what I taught you and your brothers to do? Look out for each other?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So you have your answer then. Man up and face it. If you don't, you prove them right. And how do you think _she's_ gonna feel if you don't show? If you want to be with this girl, this is just something you're gonna have to do."

Jordan knew she was right. He didn't like it, but he couldn't argue with what she'd said.

"Okay, now we can talk about something else." She sat back on the couch and studied him once more. "How are things with Anthony?"

This was not his favorite subject, but he knew she worried when she didn't hear from him for weeks at a time, so it was a conversation they were going to have no matter what he wanted.

"You know how it is. I stay out of his way and we're good. He's on some big case, so he's been staying at Paul and Gina's a lot lately, which is fine with me."

Kate could see the familiar change in mood and posture that came over him whenever his father was mentioned.

"So you're just staying out of each other's way?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I do my thing, he does his thing. Sometimes he doesn't come home for like a week at a time, it's cool."

"I wish I had the room for you J, but it's not like when you guys were little, I can't just put three of you in a bed anymore. Everyone's so big and the house just isn't. Even with Patrick gone, I have the nursery set up and then Shane and the other boys…we're really tight.

"Kate, I'm fine." He tried to reassure her. "I like it this way. I'm good." He wanted to change the subject. "Where are the midgets?" He asked, referring to Shane's brothers, Sean and Stephen.

"Chasing some piece of tail, no doubt, just like you did at that age. And I would be very careful who I was calling 'midget' if I were you. Have you seen them lately? Sean is nearly six feet tall and the other one is right behind him. They're monsters, the pair of them. I can't keep food in the house with them around." Jordan smiled

"Yeah, they're gonna be beasts."

Jordan laughed remembering how he, Patrick, and Shane tortured the little ones once upon a time. Now the older of the two towered over Shane and nearly matched Jordan in size.

In front of the TV, two of the bigger kids were wrestling over a toy. Kate went over to referee. "Grab the other one, will ya?"

Jordan grabbed one toddler and Kate the other, separating them. She remembered how many times she had done this with Patrick, Shane, and Jordan. The three fought endlessly, but no one could pick on one without the other two coming to the rescue.

"Hear from Patrick?" He asked as he set the wiggling toddler down on the couch.

"Got a letter from him the other day. He should be coming home on leave soon, but he didn't say exactly when."

"I still can't believe he did it."

"Yeah, but it's been good for him. Truth be told, I think the military saved him. I can only imagine the trouble he'd be in if he'd stayed. I think I'd have had to kill him myself to keep him from going to jail."

"I guess. Better him than me. Anyway, I better get goin'."

She got up to walk him to the door.

"I'm proud of you, Boy-o. You're doing good, but if you cut out on me like that again, I swear I'll kick the sh*t outta you." She reached up to hug him.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Angela was finishing the last of her geometry homework with ease when she heard her mother yell up to her.

"Angela!"

She came downstairs in a pair of shorts and a camisole, only to find Jordan at the bottom of the stairs. He looked her over head to toe and she felt naked. She hadn't known he was going to stop by and had thrown on just anything when she got out of the shower after returning from Brian's house. She resisted the urge to run back up the stairs and then decided she kind of liked this look he was giving her.

"I wasn't expecting you." She was blushing.

"I think I'm gonna show up unexpectedly more often."

Danielle, who was sitting on the couch looked back and rolled her eyes. "You two mind? I just ate."

"Mom, we're going upstairs."

"It's getting late, you've got half an hour."

"Okay."

"That'll work." Jordan said leering at her. She hit him and led him upstairs to her room.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to see you." He looked her over from head to toe once more.

It was true, he did want to see her, but he also wanted to see if she was still at Brian's and exactly what kind of studying was going on.

"Really?" She sat on the bed and he joined her.

"So, you gonna pass your test?"

"Yeah, I think I am. It was great. I should have done this ages ago."

"Done what? Get help from Brain?" He was getting nervous, _what the hell happened over there?_

"Yeah, I mean no. See, I went to Brian's and he was _supposed _to help me and he did, I mean he tried to, but then we started fighting and…well, Amy, do you know her?"

He nodded. "She's his girlfriend, right? Asian chick, long black hair?" Jordan wanted to make sure Angela knew that Amy wasn't just a friend and that Brian was interested in someone else, just in case there were any lingering thoughts about the letter he'd written for her.

"Yeah. It's kind of weird seeing them together. I mean, _Brian_ with a _girl_. Weird. Anyway, Amy was there and she ended up helping me. She's really good at like, explaining this stuff. So, now I think I might like, actually do well on the test."

Jordan was relieved to hear that the Brian-Amy thing was progressing. Maybe that would distract him from Angela. Still, Jordan had no intention of taking chances. If he were Brian, he'd look for any opening to get to Angela, girlfriend or not. The kind of feelings Brian had for Angela didn't just go away because some cute girl smiled at you. If that were the case, he'd have been able to move on after the Rayanne fiasco. Plenty of girls were available to distract him, hot girls, but no one could take his mind or his heart off Angela.

"So, that's what you're wearing to bed?" He was doing that thing with the voice again.

"Don't start. My mother is right downstairs and the door is open." She whispered as she got up from the bed and moved across the room, away from him.

"What? I didn't do anything…yet." He stepped toward her, smiling and she stepped back from him.

"Jordan! Seriously, stop it. She could come up here any minute." He pinned her against the wall and nuzzled her neck. "You have to…stop." He licked her earlobe and ran his hands over her butt. Her eyes closed and she let out a little moan. She was trying not to respond, but it was hard to resist. She turned to kiss him. His hands cupped her breasts in the silky cami. He left her lips and placed a trail of soft, tiny kisses down her neck and over the camisole, mouthing her breasts through the fabric. Her breathing changed and he felt her lose her footing as her legs weakened. He had to support her so she wouldn't fall. His lips traveled back up her neck and to her mouth. As she pulled out of the kiss she whispered, "Jordan, please. You have to stop." He pulled back and looked into her eyes which were glazed with lust. She was breathing heavily and was barely able to stand on her own.

"Hmmm. Payback is a bitch, isn't it?" He smiled wickedly.

**A/N: So, that wasn't the most exciting bit, but it was one of those necessary transitional type chapters**** that moves the story along. Stick with me, interesting and exciting stuff is in the offing. GoodniteGirl23, many thanks for helping me get Kate's voice right. Thanks to everyone for the reviews. See you again in two weeks.**


	9. Chapter 9

Rayanne sat on her familiar perch, the windowsill of the girls' bathroom, watching Rickie as he helped Angela with her eyeliner.

"Don't tug too much at the corners. Pulling your skin like that causes early wrinkles."

"Like this?" Angela asked, re-positioning her fingers to apply the eyeliner in the way Rickie had demonstrated.

"Exactly. Perfect. It looks great, very natural. See, you don't have to look like Elvira, just because you're wearing black eyeliner. It's all in the application."

Having had enough of his Max Factor impersonation, Rayanne interjected.

"Enrique, how about you and me and a pizza at my place tomorrow? Rusty finally got an apartment and Amber's gonna be over there all weekend moving him in."

"Sorry, I can't. I promised Delia that I'd hang with her this weekend. Her parents had to go out of town to check on her grandmother and she's kinda creeped out at the idea of being in the house alone."

"So, it's Rickie to the rescue." She mocked "Someone needs to tell her that if there's a break-in, you're pretty much gonna be useless, unless of course, she finds screaming and hiding reassuring."

Rickie ignored her. She was jealous and looking for a fight. He told himself that he wouldn't take the bait. Turning to Angela, he asked in passing about her plans over the break. Rayanne interjected before Angela could open her mouth to answer him.

"You really need to _ask_ what she's doing? She's _doing_ Catalano, what else? Okay, maybe _doing_ isn't exactly the right term, but you know what I mean."

Angela turned red. She wanted to respond but she couldn't think of a quick comeback to Rayanne's little snipe. There were brief moments when it seemed like nothing had happened between them and it was like it had always been, and then Rayanne would say or do something and Angela was transported right back to the day she found out about her friend's betrayal.

"Ignore her." Rickie turned to Angela. "Her period works in reverse; she's nice for about seven to ten days every month."

Angela excused herself and walked out, not giving Rayanne a second look.

"It's not gonna work, Rayanne. You're not going to get under my skin. I won't let you."

"Whatever. That Delia chick is whacked. I'm telling you. She takes being a fag hag to a whole other level. She thinks you can like, be her boyfriend or something." Rayanne snickered, "Wait til she realizes that she's more of a '_boy'_friend than you'll ever be."

"God! I have so had it with you! You don't _own_ me, Rayanne. I am not like, a puppy or some kind of toy for your entertainment. Do you know why I like hanging out with Delia? Because she's _normal _and she likes me, for me. She doesn't _want _anything from me. I don't have to be _responsible_ for her or _babysit_ her."

"Yeah, well what's normal about being in love with a gay guy? I think your definition of normal needs a little work. Or maybe you think if you hang out with her long enough, you'll be normal too." She laughed the kind of laugh that's reserved for things that are not funny at all. "Fat chance, you're more girl that any chick I know."

He looked at her with pure contempt and left the bathroom without another word.

* * * * * * * *

Patty came into the house to find her daughters parked in front of the television. Angela was sprawled over the couch and Danielle sat on the floor with her back against it. She stood watching them for a moment. They were so content, so peaceful. It was a rare moment and she just wanted to savor it for a second.

Angela felt eyes on her. She looked up over the back of the couch to see her mother standing there.

"I didn't hear you come in." She sat up.

"I just got here." Patty turned and went in to the kitchen. "I brought a pizza home with me. Anyone hungry?"

"Pizza! Pizza!" Danielle came charging into the kitchen. "I want some."

"Help yourself and don't make a mess."

Angela rummaged through fridge, "Hey, did you guys finish the parmesan?"

"I haven't been shopping in a couple of weeks; put it on the list and I'll pick some up." Patty sat at the table with a stack of files.

"_And_ there are no red pepper flakes." A frustrated Angela was now going through the cabinets.

"Well, Sweetheart, I just haven't had the time. Put it on the list…" Angela cut her off and fished her sentence.

"…And you'll pick some up. I know, I know." She settled for eating the slice as is, but found it wanting.

Patty looked around the kitchen and sighed heavily.

"Girls, I know you're going to be on break next week but I need help around the house. With Daddy at the restaurant all the time and me working late, well, things just aren't getting done. Angela, I'm going to need you to take over the laundry and Danielle, your job is going to be dusting and vacuuming, you guys can split the dishes." Patty started to clean up the kitchen, but thought better of it and left the mess right where it was.

The two girls groan in unison.

"But, Mom," Danielle whines, "It's spring break, that means I get a break. You already signed me up for that stupid church thing. Why doesn't Angela have to go? And why did you sign me up for a church thing anyway? We don't even go to church."

Patty looked at Danielle, frustrated and slightly embarrassed at being outwitted by her youngest child.

"Well, maybe we _should_ go to church."

"Thanks Danielle, you just had to drag me into this, right?" Angela could hear it coming.

"What's so bad about going to church? " Patty tried to defend her position

"Nothing Mom, I just don't know if that's something I really want to do; besides I don't even know what religion we are."

"Well, if Angela doesn't have to go, I shouldn't have to go either. I'm almost a teenager, I don't need a babysitter!" Danielle saw a small window of opportunity and was trying her best to work it.

"Danielle, your sister will have plenty to do right here, so I wouldn't worry about it. You definitely got the better end of this deal."

"I could stay home with Angela and help clean the house."

_No, please God. Do something. My week is gonna like, suck already, the last thing I need is her home with me._

"You're going and I don't want to hear anything else about it, Danielle." Patty was quickly losing her patience.

"Yeah, right, she'll have plenty to do, like sucking face with Jordan Catalano."

"Danielle Chase! Keep it up and you'll be grounded for spring break. Angela is going to be very busy with _housework_ over the break. There's lots to be done around here.

"Great. Thanks, Mom." Angela was truly disappointed. She had hoped that she and Jordan would get to spend their days lounging in the comfort of her room or his. Maybe they still could. Maybe they could salvage part of this vacation. She decided not to groan and complain too much. After all, it was true. The house was really looking shabby.

Angela had noticed recently how much of the housework had gone undone and for the first time she realized that it was her father who had really managed the house. _So weird, how he's like the mom and she's like the dad._ Angela had also noticed the concern in her mother's face every time something was said about the restaurant, her father, or Hallie Lowenthal. Patty's lips would get all tight and she would try to put on that fake Patty-smile that was usually reserved for strangers and family functions. As Angela thought about it, she found herself feeling sympathy for her mother and decided she should try to help out more.

"Y'know Mom, it's fine. Really, I'll take care of the laundry. It's no problem. I mean we all have to like, do our share or whatever."

Danielle rolled her eyes and mocked Angela behind her back. "Look at me, I have a boyfriend, I'm so grown up. Give me a break!"

"Whatever, troll." Angela walked past her on the the fridge, looking for something to drink.

"You're a troll." Danielle screamed back at Angela.

"Girls, please! I'm exhausted. Angela, please clean up the kitchen before you head out with Jordan and I expect you back in this house by midnight. Understood?"

"Yes, Mom." She rolled her eyes as she responded.

Danielle retreated to her room mumbling along the way, "Yeah right, 'better deal' my behind. She gets to stay here making out all day while I…"

Angela hoped that Patty didn't hear Danielle's last remark. Patty had been so distracted lately; it had not escaped Angela's notice that Paty paid little attention to Angela's comings and goings. A few nights earlier, Angela had tiptoed in well past curfew and as far as she knew, her mother had no idea. She was happy for the extra half hour it had bought her but she had a sinking feeling about it, just the same.

* * * * * * * *

"Enrique, if you need anything Jonathan will, uh…be at home all, um…weekend. I'll see you on Sunday night. Okay?"

"Okay, thanks for the ride Mr. K. Oh, and have a safe trip." Rickie watched Mr. Katimsky drive off, once more thanking God for him.

He made his way up the driveway noting how perfect the morning was for the start of spring vacation. He loved Saturday mornings; they seemed to hold so much promise. He rang the doorbell and before his hand left the round, black button, the door swung open to reveal a very enthusiastic Delia.

"You're here!" She squealed. "Come in! I've got so much planned for us. I'm so excited. This is gonna be great!" She was clapping her hands excitedly.

Rickie enjoyed the way Delia made a fuss over him although it was still somewhat strange, as he had never inspired this kind of response from anyone, ever. In fact, he usually inspired the opposite.

"So what's first?"

"Well, I thought we could hang out at the mall this afternoon and then there's the show at Vertigo tonight. I've heard so much about Jordan Catalano's band, I can't wait to hear them."

"Um, about that…" Rickie broached the subject carefully, "Jordan kinda…invited Brian Krakow…and Amy, his…girlfriend, um and they're going so maybe we should..."

"Rickie, don't worry about it. I couldn't care less about Brian Krakow and who he's dating. I'm going and we're going to have a great time, right?"

"Right." _Well that went much better than expected. I guess she's over it._

"I wasn't sure how late the show would run so I also got a bunch of scary movies for tonight and then tomorrow I thought we could go to that festival, you know, the arts festival that's going on all weekend? It'll be fun! What do you think?"

"Yeah, that sounds great."

* * * * * * * *

"Some spring break, my mother has a list of stuff for me to do. The only day I really have off is my birthday." Angela was telling her woes to Jordan, who had stopped by on the way to work.

"It's that much stuff?" He was standing on the front steps, sort of leaning on the banister.

"Yardwork, housework, I just wanted to hang out and do nothing all day." She stood in front of him with her arms folded across her chest, mouth poked out. "I mean, I don't mind helping, but she actually expects me to like, cut the lawn and trim the hedges. What do I look like, a landscaper? I've never cut the grass before in my life."

"Your mom musta been talking' to my boss 'cuz I have to work all week too. Looks like he saved every freakin' job in Pittsburgh for this week." He had been playing with a leaf he plucked off a nearby shrub, which he now tossed away as if to punctuate his sentence. "You'll still be able to go to practice this week though, right? I mean, its not like we have school, so you can go out, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. You know Patty, anything for her precious Jordan." She flashed him a smile.

"Shut up." He mushed her a little and then wrapped his arms around her waist.

"It's true, you're name is like the magic word. It's like saying, "open sesame." She giggled and made a big, sweeping gesture as she said it.

He knew it was true. Patty trusted him or seemed to. It worked for them. If he wanted her to stay out or go somewhere, he'd just sort of mention it in front of Patty and then when Angela asked, it was like a free pass.

"I gotta go." He kissed her, not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave. _Damn, who gets a hard-on from holding hands and a goodbye kiss? This sh*t's ridiculous. I don't know how much longer I can do this. She's gotta get on board soon or I'm just gonna have do what I gotta do. _"I'll pick you up at seven."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Sharon's coming with us to Vertigo tonight." Jordan made a face.

"I know you don't like her, but she broke up with Kyle again and she's got nothing to do. I feel bad for her." Jordan shifted from one foot to the other, but didn't respond.

"She really likes the band and you said we have to fill the place..." She continued to plead her case.

"Fine, whatever, but she better find another way home, 'cuz I'm not taking her." _This f*ckin' chick is always finding ways to butt in. Sh*t! _

"Okay, okay. We'll figure it out." She kissed him softly. "Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…and tell her not to be late. I'm leaving here at seven and if she's not here, she's gonna get left."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It seemed like everyone from Liberty was in the audience. Angela was nervous for the band. She had every confidence in their ability, but it was weird to have an audience of people they saw everyday in class. She tried to remain focused on Jordan, who looked as if he was right at home on the stage. He didn't seem to be the least bit affected by the size and composition of the crowd. 

"I'm going go get something to drink, want something? " Rickie asked Delia

"No, I'm fine, thanks."

"Well, I'll take something if you don't mind?" Sharon chimed in. "an iced cappuccino would be great."

"What about you Angela?"

"No, thanks."

Rickie returned a short time later with his and Sharon's drinks and an assortment of sweets.

"They didn't charge me for the drinks and they threw in these pastries because the band has brought in so much business tonight. The girl behind the counter said she's never seen the place so full."

"Wow! I was dying for something sweet." Sharon reached out to take the plate from Rickie.

"I have to remember to thank Jordan for putting my name on the band list. He really didn't have to do that. I didn't mind helping out." 

"Shhh, they're getting ready to start." Angela's heart was beating as if it would jump right out of her chest. "Sorry, I'm just nervous."

The coffeehouse manager introduced the band and then quickly retreated from the stage.

"Hey, we got some new songs we been workin' on. Let us know what you think." Jordan counted them off and they launched into the first song of the night.

Just as the song began, Brian and Amy arrived. They sat together at the only free table in the room.

"Wow! This place is packed." Amy looked around. "There's Angela."

"Oh, yeah. And Sharon and Rickie and…_Delia Fischer?_" He didn't expect to see Delia in attendance.

"It looks like half the school is here." Amy observed.

Jordan began to sing and Amy's attention was drawn to the stage.

"You were right, he _is_ amazing." Brian knew Amy had no interest in Jordan; still it bothered him to have her admire Jordan at all, even if it was only his musical ability.

"Yeah, amazing." His eye was drawn to Angela's table. He stared at her as she stared at Jordan, but he found his gaze shifting back and forth from her to Delia.

"He's really good, Brian."

Amy's comment pulled his attention back to her. "Yeah, I guess everyone is good at something."

At Angela's table, Rickie had seen Brian and Amy take their seats but wasn't sure whether or not to acknowledge them. He didn't want to upset Delia, who seemed to be having a great time and then again, Brian was his friend too. He wondered how they would make it through Angela's birthday party on Friday, all of them together at one table. The thought of it made him a little queasy. He thought twice about the cookie he'd taken from the plate of sweets and returned it to it's previous location.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Rickie and Delia exited the cab in front of her house, waved goodbye to Sharon who had caught a ride with them, and made their way to the door.

"That was great! I'm so glad we did that. The band was amazing. I can't believe he like, actually wrote that song. Did you see Angela's face?" Delia was gushing.

"Yeah, she's like totally in love with him."

"It's so romantic and they make such a cute couple. She looks so happy."

"I wasn't really in favor of it at the beginning, but Jordan Catalano surprised me. He's actually a pretty good boyfriend. I guess she saw something in him that no one else did."

"Isn't that what love is about? I mean, you look at this person and you can see all their potential. Like maybe you can see things in them that they can't even see themselves." Delia dropped her purse on top of the coffee table.

"Maybe. I just hope he doesn't break her heart. I don't think she could like, survive it." Rickie felt like he had already said too much and tried to change the subject. "I'm kinda hungry, should we order the pizza now?"

"Yeah, why don't you do that; I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready for movie night." She giggled as she turned and ran up the stairs.

"What do you want on the pizza?" Rickie yelled up to her.

"I don't care, get whatever you want. I'll be right down."

Rickie ordered the pizza then sat on the couch and reached for the movies Delia had rented. She'd said that they were all horror flicks. He secretly hoped for a Brad Pitt movie. _Maybe she got __Interview with a Vampire__. That would be awesome, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise AND Antonio Banderas! Ooh, this could be fun._

Delia came bouncing into the room in a hot pink matching tank and short set.

"That's really cute. It looks good on you."

"You think?"

"Yeah, that's really your color. You should wear more of it."

"Thanks! So, which one do you want to watch first?"

"Doesn't matter to me." Sadly, _Interview with a Vampire_ was not among the movies Delia had chosen, so he had no preference as to which they watched first.

The doorbell rang

"That must be the pizza." She handed him the money. "Would you pay him?"

"Sure."

"I'll get the plates and stuff." And off she went into the kitchen.

Rickie paid the pizza delivery guy and returned to the living room, placing the pizza on the coffee table and putting one of the moves in to play.

Delia turned out the lights and joined him on the couch.

They screamed and each laughed at the way the other jumped at the scariest parts. They finished their pizza and curled up together as if their huddling conferred some form of supernatural protection. Delia buried her head in Rickie's chest during the grisliest parts of the film. As the movie came to an end, and the hero bagged the bad guy, saving the damsel from certain, gruesome death, Delia reached over and kissed him, not as a friend, but with clear desire and from the intensity of it, it seemed like pent up desire.

Rickie couldn't move at first. He didn't know what to do. It was as if this was happening to someone else. Eventually he came back to himself and jumped up off the couch.

"Delia..." He was in shock. No one had ever made an advance on him before, let alone a kiss like the one she had just given him. "I don't…what are you…why?"

'I just, I've wanted to do that for like, forever and I was thinking that you've like, never been with a girl, so maybe if you tried it, you might, y'know...and with my parents gone I thought this would be the perfect time to try it out…like…with…me." She knew as the last word left her mouth that she had made a fatal error.

"Delia...I'm gay. I thought you understood that." There was hurt and betrayal in his voice.

"I do, I mean, I just thought you should y'know, be sure, before you like, committed to being that person or whatever."

"So, are you gonna make-out with Sharon Cherski too?"

"What?"

"You know, so you can be sure you're not gay, before you like, commit to being straight."

She looked at him with guilty eyes, knowing that their friendship was over.

Rickie gathered his things and left the house.

He walked for what seemed like hours and found himself back at Mr. Katimsky's, though he couldn't remember the route he'd taken to get there. He sat down outside of the building, with his overnight bag at his side and cried. _Why? Why did Rayanne have to be right? _

* * * * * * * * * * * *

**A/N: Hi Folks, Thanks for your reviews of chapter 8. Many thanks to GoodniteGirl23. I've been keeping her very, very busy ******** Looking forward to your feedback. Look for the next chapter on or about 8/17. **


	10. Chapter 10

_This weather is crazy. I can't remember it ever being this hot in April._ Angela threw on a tank top and a pair of shorts and headed out the front door.

Pittsburgh was in the midst of a freakish heat wave. Five days of near ninety-degree weather had been predicted. There was yard work to be done and for the first time in her life, Angela wished she had a brother, if only to cut the lawn and trim the hedges. She cursed as she hauled out the hedge clippers and the lawn mower.

"Damn it! This stupid thing!" She kicked the mower, and cursed it again because it wouldn't start.

"Whatcha doin' Chase?"

Angela looked up at Brian in frustration, ready to snap at him for asking about something that was plainly obvious. His talent for stating the obvious never failed to annoy her, perhaps because she shared the same trait. Just as she set her eyes upon him, she was met with a completely unexpected sight. Her shock immediately registered on her face.

"Brian, your hair…what did you do to your hair?"

_She hates it. I should never have listened to Jordan Catalano. He probably ill-advised me on purpose._

"What do you care?" Brian turned on his heels, ready to beat a hasty retreat back to the refuge of his empty house.

"Why do you have to be that way?"

"What way?"

"The way you are. I wasn't criticizing you. I was just surprised. It actually looks...good." She found herself staring. _God, who knew a simple hair cut could like, make such a difference?_

"Really?"

"Yeah, I can like, see your face now without all those curls all over the place."

He tried to suppress his joy at her response to his new look. He wasn't sure he liked it himself, but Jordan had told him some time ago that his hair was holding him back and that a girl would never take seriously someone who looked like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons, so he took the plunge and cut it off, not completely, but significantly. Jordan told him which barbershop to go to and instructed him to have to the barber 'line him up.' Brian had no idea what that meant until the barber took a pair of clippers and trimmed the hair neatly around his hairline. It left him looking crisp and clean. Amy went wild when she'd seen it the night before.

"Won't start, huh?" Brian was standing by her side studying the wretched mechanical beast, hands in his pockets.

"No. And I really don't have the time or patience to fight with it."

"Plans with Jordan Catalano?"

"No, actually I'm hanging out with Sharon today IF I ever finish this. I have to cut the grass _and_ clip the hedges _and _do the laundry before I can go out."

Brian stepped up and grabbed hold of the mower's cord. In one fluid movement he pulled it and brought the object of Angela's hatred to life. She found herself watching him, noticing the strength with which he'd pulled the cord and realized that Brian stood head and shoulders above her. She'd never noticed that before. _When did that happen?_

"Chase? Angela?" Brian was trying to get her attention, not realizing that he already had it.

"Uh-thanks. I'd better get started." She grabbed hold of the handle and started to push.

Brian turned to leave, but thought better of it.

"I can do it for you." He said with his back still turned to her.

"That's ok; one of us should have a life."

"I really have nothing else to do. I usually help your dad with this stuff anyway." He gently pushed her aside and took over. "Why don't you do the hedges while I do this."

"Thanks, Brian."

As she worked on trimming the overgrown shrubs that had all but enveloped the porch, her eye was drawn back to Brian. She noticed the breadth of his shoulders and the definition beginning to shape his jaw line. He'd always had a baby face, but the new haircut made him appear less cherubic. She watched him wipe the sweat from his brow and was embarrassed when he caught her looking at him.

"What kind of design are you making?" He looked perplexed, turning his head this way and that, as if a different perspective would allow him to make sense of her design.

"What?" She had no idea what he was asking her, she'd been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she hadn't even heard him.

"With the hedges, what are you making?" He repeated.

She looked at her handiwork and saw the she had been cutting in the same spot for so long that she'd nearly cut that particular shrub down to nothing.

"Oh, uh I dunno, it was just so big, I kept cutting and cutting. I guess I overdid it."

"Just do the same thing on the other side, no one will notice." Oblivious to the true reason the bush had been butchered, Brian went back to cutting the grass.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Jonathan entered the living room drying his hands with a towel as he reached for the ringing phone.

"Hello?"

"No, we thought he was with you this weekend. Did something happen?"

"Well as soon as I hear from him, I'll tell him you called."

Just as a now worried Jonathan laid the receiver back in its cradle, Rickie emerged from his room.

"Oh, thank God." Relieved to see that Rickie was home. "That was Delia on the phone. I guess I didn't hear you come in last night. Are you ok?"

Rickie looked at Jonathan with the saddest eyes.

"Come and sit. What happened?" He sat on the couch and motioned for Rickie to join him.

"We were watching a movie and then she…she…kissed me." Rickie looked at Jonathan, his eyes filling with tears, searching for the answer to an unasked question.

"Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry. It happens." He shook his head as he spoke. "Sometimes people think that if they try hard enough, they can change you and make you who they want or need you to be for them." Jonathan hugged the boy and tried to comfort him, remembering how Carla, his one-time best friend, had tried to seduce him when they went away to college and how it had ruined their friendship.

"But I told her. I told her that I was gay. I even told her who I liked, it's not like I was leading her on or something. I thought she understood." He continued to sob.

"I know. This hurts and it's going to hurt for awhile. Losing a friend is never easy, but realizing that a person you thought was your friend never really knew you, that's even harder." He sort of rocked back and forth with Rickie in his arms, wishing he could take away the pain, but knowing it was a part of Rickie growing up and he had to experience it all, good and bad.

"Why don't you go and take a shower, freshen up, and I'll make you an awesome breakfast? Would that make you feel just a little bit better?"

"I guess." Rickie wiped his eyes and rose from the couch. "French toast?" Jonathan nodded his response and smiled. "If she calls, I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to talk to anyone."

Rickie made his way to the shower and as he washed away the events of the night before, he wondered if what Rayanne said was true. Was his friendship with Delia an attempt at being "normal?" He felt awful. He kept thinking about what would happen on Friday at Angela's party when he showed up without Delia. Rayanne would know. She would look at him and she would know. What would he say? He didn't want to admit that she had been right about any of it, because he feared that she had been right about all of it.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

_I can't believe I slept with him AGAIN! What is wrong with me? Okay, that's it. It has to stop. I can't go back to school with this hanging over my head. It's not fair to him and I need to move on. _

"Kyle, we can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" Sharon sighed deeply at his unwillingness to accept what they both know is happening. "I love you and I want to be with you."

"Kyle, stop saying that. We're not together. I mean we were just _together, _but we're not like boyfriend and girlfriend."

"What are you talking about? We just got back together, didn't we?"

"No we didn't and last I checked you had a girlfriend, remember?"

"Who? Cathy? I just hooked up with her because I knew it would make you jealous. I want you, not her."

"But that's just it, I'm not jealous. I'm fine with you dating her or whatever. It's just that sometimes, I think about us _together_…that way…and I can't help myself, but I'm not doing it anymore, Kyle. It's not fair to you. I mean I like being _with _you, but I'm not in love with you and that makes this all wrong."

"You can't just fall out of love, like overnight."

"It wasn't an overnight thing. I've been trying to tell you since New Years."

Kyle's anger becomes apparent as he gets up from the bed and searches for his clothes. Pulling them up from the floor as if some unseen opponent is also vying for them.

"New Years!? You weren't trying very hard were you? How many times have we been together since then? Ten, twelve? So, what, you just call me when you need it?"

"I didn't call you, you just showed up." This was going much worse than she had anticipated.

"Are you seeing someone else?"

"Why do guys always think it's about someone else? It's about us. I've never cheated on you. I just don't want to keep doing this."

"So you can just walk away? Just like that?" His question is met with silence.

"You cold-hearted b*tch! I tell you I love you and the whole time you're playing me!"

"Kyle, I know you're upset, but it's better this way."

"Better for who? What happened, you decide you want a little variety? Who's next in line, Phil?"

"That's not fair! You know I would never do that."

"I thought you would never do this! You bitch! You make me sick! All this time, I thought you were better than those other girls, but you're just as much a slut as the rest of them."

Kyle storms out of the house and Sharon is left crying and wondering why she ever let him in to begin with.

_It was over and if I just sent him home instead of letting him in, this would never have happened. Why am I so stupid? I don't even like him, like not even as a person, how could I let him back into my bed? Maybe he's right, maybe I am a slut. I mean, the only use I have for him is sex, what kind of girl does that? Rayanne Graf. Oh my God! I'm turning into Rayanne Graf! _

She sobbed into her pillow and wished she had spent the night at Angela's as had been her original plan.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Wow! That was fast. I can't believe we're done. All I have to do is hose down the walkway, run a load of laundry, and I'm free. Thanks, Brian. I really owe you. Want a soda?"

"Yeah, thanks." Brian saw about disposing of the lawn clippings while he waited for his soda.

She came back out with the soda and when Brian reached for it, she sprayed him with the hose.

"Chase! You are so dead."

Angela dropped the soda can on the grass and ran, Brian made after her. She was screaming and laughing, and managed to spray him a few more times before he caught hold of her. He had her from behind, both their hands vying for control of the hose's nozzle.

_Oh my God, he's strong._

He was swinging her around like a rag doll, trying to rattle her enough to get control of the nozzle. He was finally able to turn it on her and he proceeded to soak her, head to toe.

"St-o-o-o-o-p! I'm gonna kill you, Krakow!" They were both completely drenched and laughing as she tried in vain to wrestle the hose away from him. He was holding the hose in one hand and had her by the waist with his other arm.

Jordan was driving toward the house from one end of the street and Amy from the other. They reached their respective destinations within moments of each other. Jordan parked and exited the car, walking around to the passenger side where Amy joined him. They both stood and watched Angela and Brian, drenched and having the time of their lives.

Finally, Angela looked up and saw them standing there. She couldn't stop laughing, but managed to say "Hi." Brian, on the other hand, looked from Amy to Jordan and back wondering which of them would be angrier with him. He got his answer when Amy spun around and stomped off in the direction of her car.

"Amy! Amy!" Brian ran after her. She started the car up and tried to pull out, but Brian got in the way.

"Move!"

"Amy, wait." He pleaded with her.

"I said move!" She gunned the engine.

Brian stepped aside and let her drive off figuring she wouldn't listen to him anyway.

Jordan and Angela watched as Brian sulked off to his house.

"What's the problem? We were just having a water fight. No big deal."

"I dunno, maybe seeing her boyfriend with another girl in his arms pissed her off. Especially with your uh, wet t-shirt." Jordan smiled as he said it, because it was clear she had no idea how revealing her now soaked outfit was.

"Oh my God!" She tried to cover herself and ran towards the house. He followed at a significantly slower pace.

By the time he reached the front door, she was up the stairs and in her room.

"I'll be down in a minute."

He went into the kitchen and grabbed a soda out of the fridge while he waited for her to come down. As he opened the can over the sink, he looked out of the kitchen window and across the street at the Krakow house. _Hmmm. Nice move, Brain. _

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Hi Delia, he really doesn't want to talk to anyone right now."

"I think the best thing for you to do is to wait until he's ready to talk to you."

"I understand that you didn't mean to hurt him, but he _is_ hurt and he needs some time to deal with how he's feeling. I'm sorry I can't do more to help. You'll just have to be patient."

"Okay, well try not to dwell on it."

Rickie sat waiting for Jonathan to hang up the phone.

"I'm sorry to put you in the middle of this. I just can't talk to her yet."

"It's fine, but you're going to have to talk to her sooner or later."

"I know and I will."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Angela entered the kitchen, rubbing her hair with a towel.

"I thought you were gonna pick me up at two."

"I came by early to help you with the lawn and stuff, but it looks like you didn't need my help."

"Really? You were gonna cut the lawn for me?" She looked him over and thought about him in his tank t-shirt, pushing the mower, sweat pouring off of him and she bit her lip. "That would have been…nice."

"What?" He noticed the way she looked at him.

"Nothing, just thinking about how much nicer it would have been to have you here instead of Brian Krakow."

He was pretty sure that wasn't all she was thinking about. Her smile betrayed her as did her new habit of biting her lip. _There she goes biting that lip again. If she knew what I wanted her to do with those lips..."_. And then it was his turn to smile.

She moved over to the window and looked across the street.

"Amy didn't come back, huh?"

"Nope. She looked pretty pissed off to me. I don't think he's gonna hear from her for awhile."

"I still don't get why she got so mad. I mean really, he got a haircut not a new personality. Believe me, she has nothing to worry about. Ha, me and Brian. Right, like _that_ would ever happen."

Jordan was relieved to hear that she still saw Brian as she always had. _But she did notice the haircut. Nah, she's not interested in him. Dude, get it together. This is Brain we're talking about. He's like, retarded when it comes to girls. This is one thing I have him totally beat at. _

"Jordan?"

"Huh?"

"I was saying that I still have laundry to do. It'll only take like twenty minutes if you don't mind waiting. I can leave once I put it in the dryer."

"Yeah, whatever. I got time to kill."

He followed her to the basement where Angela loaded the washer being mindful not to pull anything embarrassing out of the laundry bag. As the machine ran she and Jordan kissed. Their kissing grew more intense and he lifted her atop the washer. He placed himself between her knees and kissed her as if they were quickly running out of time. Angela's body was screaming for more of him. He pressed into her and his hands seemed to be everywhere at once. She wrapped her legs around his waist and though she didn't think they could get any closer, she was determined to give it her best shot.

The washer entered the spin cycle and as the spinning intensified, so did their passion. The feeling was incredible. Unconsciously, she ground herself into him wanting to feel him against her. The more she felt of him, the more she wanted. Just knowing which part of his body was pressing against which part of hers made her feel drunk. She wondered if he could feel her heat and if he felt the same kind of heat and pressure that she found oddly painful and pleasurable at the same time. His hands and mouth moved over her breasts, lingering and even through clothing, it was as if he'd found a direct line to the part of her body that was about to spontaneously combust. She was sure that the combination of his mouth, his hands, her grinding, and the spinning washer, would lead her to faint. It felt like she was climbing a mountain, slowly at first, then faster, and then all at once she was completely overcome, falling from its highest point. She felt her body tense, legs still wrapped around him, trapping him where he stood. A sound escaped her lips, to which he responded with the deepest kiss she'd ever experienced. Every ounce of breath left her body when she exhaled and she felt lightheaded. When it was over, she was a little embarrassed but had never felt closer to him. He kissed her softly on the lips and neck. Her breathing slowed and she tried to stand, but found that her legs were weak and shaking. She needed a minute to collect herself. She had no idea that such a thing existed. There was having sex and not having sex, she didn't know what to call this.

After a few minutes of kissing and holding her, Jordan excused himself to the bathroom upstairs, leaving her to further collect herself and load the dryer. Angela mindlessly transferred the clothes, reflecting on what she'd just experienced and wished she could talk to Rayanne, but that just wasn't an option. Even though they had made up, this part of her life was off limits. She could not share intimate details about Jordan Catalano with Rayanne after Rayanne had shared _actual_ _intimacy_ with him. She tried to shake the thought from her mind. She could talk to Sharon, but what she needed was straight talk, facts, technique, etc. There was something to be said for Rayanne's emotional detachment. Sharon would get all protective and she'd have to endure a certain amount of Jordan-bashing before getting the goods. It just wasn't worth the aggravation. Finished with the clothes, she headed upstairs. Jordan walked into the kitchen to find her at the sink, rinsing a dish. Sensing that she was retreating into her mind, he walked up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and just held her for a minute. She could have stayed right there for the rest of her life.

"You hungry?" He asked he whispered in her ear.

"Starving." She dried her hands before turning to face him.

"Come on, let's go." He lead her from the kitchen, her hand in his.

Pleased with himself, he glanced across at Brian's house as he opened the passenger side door for her.

_Brain has no idea who he's messing with. _

* * * * * * * * * * *

It was eight o'clock and way too quiet. Rayanne lay across the bed watching TV. It seemed to her that every commercial featured smart-talking toddlers or some slick new baby product, diapers, lotion, etc.

_How much stuff do you really need to buy for the little buggers, anyway? _

The stream of images continued. Chubby, squealing babies with sweet little folds of skin around their arms and legs, and little potbellies that stuck out in front of them; she couldn't take it anymore.

_I need a drink._

She went into the kitchen and pulled out the blender, ready to mix a batch of frozen margaritas. She located some margarita mix placed it on the counter. In the cabinet above the sink, she found the tequila. As she reached for the bottle, she remembered entering Jordan's car in the parking lot at Louie's. She pulled back from the bottle, hand shaking. Reaching for it again, she now saw Angela's face before her in the bathroom, the day they had finally made up. She slammed the cabinet door and walked out of the kitchen and back to the bed.

_Why didn't I stick with those damned AA meetings? I guess this is what they were talking about when they said everyone in recovery should have a sponsor. Okay, think, think. A sponsor is just a friend you call when things get rough, right? When you want a drink but you don't want to fall off the wagon. Okay, who do I call? Who do I call? Rickie! He'll talk me out of it. _

Rayanne dialed Katimsky's number, but Jonathan said that Rickie wasn't home.

_Freakin' Delia Fischer! I really have to find a way to get rid of that chick. _

She thought about showing up at Delia's house uninvited, but given how angry Rickie had been at her on the last day of school, she figured that pulling a crazy stunt like that would bring their relationship to an abrupt end.

_Okay, Rickie's not around, Angela's probably with Catalano so that's no good. Cherski! I'll call Cherski. She's a cheerleader, right? Perfect! She can like, "cheer" me up._

Rayanne called Sharon's house but there was no answer.

_They're probably out feeding the homeless or something. _Suddenly, she had an absolutely brilliant idea.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Brian sat by his bedroom window looking down at the red convertible.

_At least the top is up. I don't have to actually, like see them carrying on._

The phone rang, granting him a reprieve from this self-inflicted torture.

"Hello?"

"Hi Steve, it's Jade."

"Jade?"

"I'm offended, Steve. When you were all weepy over Christmas I kept you from like, offing yourself and _this_ is the thanks I get?"

"What? What are you talking about? How did you get my…OH MY GOD! Graf? Rayanne Graf? Is that you?"

"You got me, Krakow. Jade is my do-gooder alter ego. So…what are you wearing?"

"What am I wear…are you like, insane? I can't believe you. You are unbelievable. You can't just pretend to be a counselor. I mean suppose someone called with like, an actual problem? You're not like, qualified to be advising anyone on anything."

"Calm down Krakow. Did I interrupt your family time? Are you and your parents watching a documentary on the migration patterns of the West African Pigmy Goats or something?"

"West African Pigmy what? My parents are away at a conference until tomorrow. Wait a minute, that's none of your business. Why are you calling me? Don't you have anything better to do? Shouldn't you be in a backseat somewhere?"

"Sticks and stones, Krakow, sticks and stones. So, you're parents aren't home?"

"I'm hanging up now."

"Me too. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"You'll be…hello? HELLO?" Realizing that Rayanne has hung up the phone, Brian goes into a panic. "She'll be here in fifteen minutes? This has been the most confusing day of my entire life."

* * * * * * * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it; I had a ball writing it. ******** Thanks, as always to all you faithful reviewers and of course GoodnightGirl23 for your good eyes and sharp wit. **


	11. Chapter 11

"Happy Birthday to me."

She awoke up to an empty house, which felt somewhat strange since it was her birthday. On the one hand she was grateful to be left alone given the week she'd had, but on the other hand it seemed wrong. It was, after all, her 16th birthday. Shouldn't there have been some fanfare? A breakfast? Something? She had come downstairs sometime later to find a birthday card and instructions to look in the fridge, where she found a frittata made with all her favorite ingredients and a note saying, _"Love, Dad."_ This brought a smile to her face and she instantly felt guilty about the resentment she had nurtured over the past week toward him and the restaurant. She also felt a twinge of melancholy for the days when this frittata would have been a normal part of their morning meal together as a family, rather than a _special _breakfast for a _special_ occasion. _All a part of growing up, I guess. Nothing stays the same._ Angela sat down to enjoy her breakfast and thought about everything that had happened over the course of the week.

The house was dead quiet and she was relieved not to have to be anywhere or do anything. It had been a frustrating and exhausting week, to say the least. First, she had the yardwork and housework to do and then her father had called home hysterical because he was short staffed at the restaurant and needed help. Apparently, one of his waiters quit and another was going to be out sick for the next week with something nasty and contagious. As if working around the house wasn't enough, she was expected to work evenings at the restaurant too.

Graham had asked her to cover for one of the waiters and to see if Rickie would cover the other. Rickie had been the logical choice, personable and dependable. Rickie was of course, more than willing to help, which only made Angela more resentful. The restaurant was now imposing on her personal life and that of her friends. _This is ridiculous! None of us signed on for this._ She was glad that her father was finally doing something that made him happy, but did that mean the rest of them had to be miserable?

Working at the restaurant, on her feet for five or six hours a night was grueling, especially after a morning of sweeping, mopping, washing, clipping, cutting, weeding, and so on and so on. She couldn't even sleep in because she had to walk Danielle to the church every morning so that her mother could get to the shop early. She was completely wiped out. Her schedule at the restaurant didn't permit her to go to Jordan's rehearsals and she was too tired to hang out with him after working all evening at the restaurant. _This restaurant has already stolen my father from us, now it's robbed me of my spring break and time with Jordan too._

The only upside to the whole experience was that both she and Rickie were substantially richer for their efforts. They had each earned a nice paycheck in addition to what proved to be some very generous tips. Rickie actually chose to stay on and work part-time at the restaurant after school and on weekends, which was a relief to Graham who didn't know what he was going to do when spring break was over and he'd lose the two of them.

Although Angela resented having to work at the restaurant, she had to admit, it hadn't been all bad. She got to spend time with her father, something that had been missing from her life lately. Granted, she wasn't alone with him, she was in a crowded restaurant with staff and customers, but still, they were there together. It struck her that her father seemed somehow different. He barked orders to the sous chef and wait staff. He seemed so together and in control. She'd never seen him like that. He acted more like Patty than Graham, in her humble opinion. It was very strange and totally foreign. Then there was Hallie Lowenthal. He and Hallie bickered incessantly, sounding like a married couple, which made her uncomfortable. Angela hated to hear her parents argue, but she would have preferred it to the squabbling she witnessed between these two. There was passion in their fighting, something that she hadn't seen in her parent's interactions recently.

Thursday couldn't have come quickly enough for her. It was her last day of restaurant work and thanks to some help from Rickie, Sharon, and Rayanne, the remainder of the housework and yardwork had been done the day before. Friday was to be her only day of rest, at least until Jordan came to pick her up. Her parents were at work and Danielle was at the church, so she had the house to herself. The only thing missing was Jordan. She was disappointed when he told her he had to work, but she knew she'd be with him all evening so, she got over it.

She'd been obsessing about going further with Jordan ever since their last make out session in the laundry room on Monday. On the tape that she watched with Sharon, she had heard them talk about orgasms, but nothing prepared her for what she had experienced that day. She wasn't sure if she was ready for actual intercourse, but she was definitely up for more of what she had already experienced.

In that moment she remembered how selfless Jordan had been about it. He expected nothing in return and didn't even try to get her to do anything to satisfy him. _It must be so hard for him to control himself. I mean, that was a one-time experience for me and I can't stop thinking about it, so imagine if that was like, how you lived…like all the time? _She felt terrible about making him wait, but she couldn't honestly say she was ready either. Sharon had told her that you just kinda know when you know. She still didn't know what that meant, but guessed she just wasn't there yet.

She had been lounging on the couch watching mindless TV shows and dozing on and off when she realized how late it was.

_Oh my God! Jordan'll be here in an hour!_

* * * * * * * * * * *

He had spent more time with his friends this week than he had in the last few months. Between school, work, rehearsal, and Angela he hadn't had time for much else. In the past he'd rejected any sort of regimented schedule, but now found a measure of comfort in having a routine, a particular place to be at a specific time, for a specific purpose.

Over the break, he went to parties, hung out at the loft and did pretty much what he had always done before he met Angela. About mid-week, the futility of it struck him. He realized that although he hadn't spent any real time with his friends recently, he could literally pick up right where he'd left off. Nothing had changed. Not one thing. They were having the very same conversations and debates they'd been having the last time he'd hung out with them. When it became too frustrating for him to tolerate anymore, he'd gesture to Shane and the two would bail.

It was a little unsettling to him. While he could still fit in with his friends, he felt differently, saw them differently. It wasn't anything they would notice, especially since he'd learned early in life how to mask his feelings and thoughts, but he felt like his eyes were opened, like he was seeing things as they really were and not as he thought they should be and it saddened him. He remembered how at Halloween he'd been frustrated with doing the same things they'd always done, but despite his frustration, he felt compelled to do them. He no longer felt that way; like he was going to miss something important, because he already had lots of important things in life. It was as if the excuse he needed to leave the tedium behind had finally been given to him. It wasn't so much that he didn't have anything in common with his friends anymore as it was that he was bored by those things. As much as he hated to admit it, he looked forward to school resuming, to his routine, and to seeing more of Angela.

Jordan felt an increasing sense of loss as he realized that he was outgrowing his friends. Mike and Kevin were still wrapped up in counting the notches in their belts after every party. Jose and Dave bickered constantly over the most ridiculous things. Frankie thought there was nothing better than brawling and always managed to find a reason to start a fight, something that Jordan never enjoyed and tried his best to avoid. And so it went with each of his friends

Shane was the exception. Maybe it was because they'd been reared together that Shane could understand his frustration. Shane was different. He had plans. He wanted to own his own business, though he had no idea what that business would be and he wanted to travel. He played the fool when he was with the guys but he was no fool.

Shane was smart. Jordan always appreciated that it was something Shane didn't flaunt or lord over him, but having grown up together, Jordan knew that Shane read things more challenging than the most recent issue of Hustler and he did alright in school. When Jordan got left back the first time, landing him in the same class as Shane who was a year behind him, they had made a pact that they'd stay together through school even if it meant that Shane had to get himself left back too. In seventh grade, when Jordan was held back for the second time, Shane made good on his promise. When it became apparent that Jordan wouldn't be promoted, Shane purposely failed all of his exams and rarely turned in his homework for the rest of the school year. When she got the notice that Shane wouldn't be promoted, Kate went ballistic. She wasn't the type for lectures so instead she beat them silly, yelling at both of them the whole time that brothers should want the best for each other rather than keeping each other back. She also forced Shane to go to summer school; otherwise he would have been in tenth grade right along with Jordan.

Over the course of the week, he and Shane talked about school and what would happen after they graduated. Jordan had always thought he would just coast until they kicked him out of Liberty and then he'd go to work for Manny full-time, since he didn't need a diploma for that. It wasn't necessarily his heart's desire to be a mechanic; it was more like a natural progression. Now, he wasn't so sure about that plan. He was fairly certain he would graduate; something that had been more than a little doubtful before and he wondered what opportunities this would provide him. Of course there was music, but as much as he loved it, he didn't think he could make a consistent living at it. Shane mentioned something about a training program for air conditioning and refrigeration that he was interested in. According to Shane, it made more sense to get a good trade than to go to college, not that Jordan thought college was even an option. One of Shane's uncles was in the plumbers' union, another was an electrician and a third had gone into carpentry. They all made good money, better than his other two uncles who'd gone to school and now had trouble finding work. Jordan knew something about it, Anthony had cousins who were electricians and carpenters and they did alright. He figured he'd do something like that since he was good with his hands. Shane also considered going into the military like his brother, something Jordan wanted no part of. He'd had enough of being told what to do. Once he got out from under Anthony, he had no intention of being under anyone else's thumb.

Having his nights free, he'd been thinking a lot this past week. Angela's birthday got him thinking about his own birthday, which in the past hadn't been a big deal to him, but he'd be eighteen in a few weeks and he wondered what that would mean. He wasn't looking forward to this birthday at all. Anthony had been making comments about him getting out on his own and Jordan was worried that he'd get put out of the house for good. He wasn't sure what he'd do at that point. Before Angela, he figured he'd just get a little apartment or leave altogether and that would be that, but now that he was going to finish school, living on his own wasn't an option. He'd done the math a million times and there was no way he could afford it. Even a furnished room was beyond his means. Just like he'd told Kate, he'd been laying low, trying to stay out of Anthony's way, hoping that if he wasn't too much trouble and didn't irritate him, Anthony would just leave him alone. Of course, Jordan's very existence was an irritant to the man and Anthony had made no secret of it.

He would routinely remind Jordan that it was he and his mother who had derailed his life and that while it was still a good life; it would have and should have been better. He _should have_ been an attorney, not a cop and he _should have_ had a decent woman, not the woman he'd been forced to marry because _"the slut got pregnant."_ He _should have_ had smart children that he could be proud of and not _"half a retard"_ like Jordan. Jordan had heard it a million times and could recite it word for word. It almost didn't bother him anymore.

Jordan could ignore pretty much anything, the taunting, the random smack to the back of the head, the occasional object thrown at him. The only thing that ever really got a rise out of him was when his father would drink a little too much and talk trash about his mother. Jordan didn't remember much about her, having only been three when she left, but he could remember how sad he was and how he would look out of the window and pray for her to come back and take him away. He was sure that she loved him and to this day, he didn't understand why she hadn't come back. Try as he might, he couldn't remember her face or her voice. He had a picture of her, but he couldn't remember with his own mind, her face when she spoke to him or smiled at him. His witch of a grandmother had given him the picture when he was seven. He thought she was being kind until she explained herself.

"_Your father, he doesn't want you to have it, but a child should know who his mother is, even if she doesn't want him."_

_Good old Nonni. I wish she'd choke on something. _He had never wanted to hurt someone so badly in his life. She would tell him how Anthony _"had a such a bright future until_ _that Sofia_ _came along"_ and then she would spit, cursing her daughter-in-law's name. The only good thing to come out of all of it was that Anthony had moved them from Philly to Pittsburgh, so he didn't have to live in his grandmother's house anymore. He often wondered if his grandmother had anything to do with his mother's decision to leave. Still, he always came back to the same questions, _Why did she leave me behind and why didn't she come back for me?_

His mother had been on his mind a lot lately. He wondered how his life would have been different if she had been the one raising him instead of his father. The thought got to be too much and he turned the radio up as if to drown it out. When he got to the house he saw Anthony's car in the driveway.

_Sh*t! What's he doing home? _

Jordan parked in the street and entered the house through the back door, hoping to make it to his room unseen. He had made it as far as the staircase when his father spoke.

"You don't speak when you come into the house? I didn't raise you without manners, did I?" _**You**__ didn't raise me at all._

"Sorry, uh, hi." He continued up the stairs.

"I didn't say you could go." Jordan's shoulders dropped as he backed down the stairs and turned to face his father.

"I haven't been here for almost two weeks, " Anthony stood in front of him with about a foot between them. "didn't you miss me?" He snickered. Jordan didn't respond. "What have you been up to while I was gone?"

"Nuthin"

"Nothing.

"Yeah, nuthin'."

"Well you must have been doing _something_. I'm sure you weren't sitting here for two weeks with your dick in your hands, were you?"

"No."

"So, what have you been doing? I'm not going to ask again." Anthony took a seat in the living room. Jordan followed without needing to be told to do so.

"School and work. That's pretty much it."

"School? Since when?" Anthony was sorting through the mail, glancing up at Jordan every so often.

"I always go to school." _Like you really give a f*ck._

"Right, you just don't go to class." Jordan sighed heavily.

"I've been going to class."

"Uh huh. Anything I need to know about?"

"No."

Anthony gave him the once over. When Jordan was younger, this look was intimidating enough to get him to tell Anthony any and everything, which he would immediately regret. Since then, he had learned to endure it without cracking.

"Nonni sent lasagna and zeppole." He pointed to the kitchen.

"Thanks" _She's a total b*tch, but she makes the best lasagna I ever had in my life._

"Beat it."

_Thank God._

Jordan went upstairs, took a shower and got dressed, hoping that Anthony wouldn't ask him anymore questions or hold him up. He was supposed to deliver Angela to the restaurant by a certain time and even though he really didn't want to go, he promised to have her there and he hated being late. He grabbed his keys off the dresser and crept downstairs and to the back door.

"Where are _you _going?" _Damn! So close._

"Nowhere."

"You're showered, dressed and smelling like a Spanish whore, and you're telling me you're going nowhere. Do I look stupid to you?"

"No." _ You look more like an a$$hole._

"I'm waiting."

"Just out. A party." _Just f*cking let me go._

"With those low-lifes you call friends." Jordan didn't respond. "You ignoring me, boy?"

"No."

"Well I didn't hear an answer and I know you heard the question. I kept the wording simple enough, so the only thing I can assume is that you're ignoring me."

_F*ck! _

"I'm not ignoring you."

"What's the matter; your panties all twisted in a bunch?"

"No."

"No" Anthony mocked him. "Such a pussy, I can't believe you're my kid. If you didn't look like a Catalano, I'd really wonder."

Jordan took a deep breath. He glanced at the kitchen counter. _Three empties. He's on his way, got a buzz. Can't come home tonight._

"I'm gonna be late. I really gotta go." He turned to leave.

"Where's the party?"

"Huh?" _Sh*t! I can't tell him that. He can't find out about her._

"I said, where's the party?"

"Um, it's at this place downtown. Like a restaurant or whatever, I don't remember the name."

Anthony looked him up and down. Jordan's jaw clenched. He wasn't sure what to expect but experience had taught him to always be ready for a fight.

"Go! I'm tired of looking at you."

Jordan fairly ran from the house, before Anthony had a chance to say anything more to him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

She took the fastest shower of her life and blew out her hair in record time. As she stood before the mirror thanking God that Rayanne and Rickie had been over the day before to pick out clothes and do a dry run with her make-up, she took a moment to admire the image in the mirror.

_Sixteen. Should I feel different? Should I look different? _She had refused to assign some magical property to this day for fear of profound disappointment. She looked once more into the mirror. Her outfit was simple, but nice and the make up was understated but played up her best features. She had no idea where he was taking her or how to dress. All he said was that they weren't going out for burgers and fries. Rayanne insisted that she wear matching undies, just in case. Angela acquiesced just to quiet her. Some weeks earlier, Sharon had instructed her to replace all her plain white cotton undies with pretty matching sets, for when the time came. She had taken Sharon's advice, only half believing that anyone but her would see them. Even so, she found that just wearing the pretty pieces made her feel different. She never considered herself pretty or even attractive, but lately, the way Jordan looked at her and knowing what she wore beneath her everyday apparel, made her feel beautiful for the first time in her life, almost like a different person. She often thought about this when she was with him. Knowing that all that kept him from seeing the other Angela, the one who had thoughts she couldn't speak and who had secret longings that he couldn't even imagine, was a layer of clothing. She felt her face becoming warm and turned away from her reflection as if it had witnessed too much.

_Don't expect too much. You always do this to yourself. He's probably just going to take me out for a nice dinner and then…and then…what? _She had no idea._ Maybe the surprise is like a hotel room or something. Oh my God! What if my present is like, sex. Oh my God! Am I ready? Okay, stop thinking about it. Whatever happens, happens. But what if…_

Just then the doorbell rang and she knew it was Jordan. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she fought to stay out of her own mind.

_Enjoy this. He remembered your birthday and he's taking you out. Just enjoy it. You're spending your 16__th__ birthday with Jordan Catalano. Do you really need anything else? Really? _

She thought to herself that this alone was enough of a present and she wouldn't be disappointed if there was nothing more.

* * * * * * * *

At the restaurant, Angela's friends and family waited for her to arrive. Brian brought Amy, who agreed to go only after Brian begged and apologized a dozen times in a dozen different ways. He was surprised to find that Amy mattered to him that much. He missed having her around for the few days that she refused to take his calls. Somewhere along the line, he's started to develop feelings for her and while his heart still belonged to Angela, some small piece of it had Amy's initials on it. He'd also come to notice that other parts of him had her name on them too and he was beginning to like that quite a bit.

Rickie had originally intended to bring Delia, but that plan had gone up in smoke when she tried to seduce him. He prayed that Brian wouldn't bring her up and that Rayanne would be satisfied with the fact that she wasn't around and skip any probing questions. He thought he had successfully avoided any unwanted attention until Patty asked him where Delia was.

"I thought she was coming with you?" Patty asked. Rickie smiled uncomfortably.

"Yeah, she couldn't make it. Sorry, I should have told you. I hope it's not a problem."

"Oh, no, not at all. I just wondered if she was running late or something."

Rayanne knew Rickie well enough to know when he wasn't being completely honest. He sucked at lying and he was definitely hiding something. He hardly looked at her and although he had been angry with her, he could never stay mad at her for long. No, this was something else.

_He's hiding something more than the love that dare not speak its name._ S_omething happened between them. _

"She should be here any minute. Graham is sending out some appetizers to get us started." Patty told them to save room for the main course and went back to join the adults at the other end of the table.

A young waiter arrived with a tray of appetizers, catching Rayanne's eye.

"Mmm, mmm, good. I'll take one of those." She was leering at the young man carrying the tray.

Sharon looked at her in shock and in a whispered shout she said,

"You are NOT scheming on the waiter. Stop it! Can't you control yourself? There are parents just a few seats down from us."

"Not _my_ parents. Besides, I think Amber would like him."

"You are unbelievable."

On the other side of the table, Rickie was having similar thoughts about the waiter.

Sharon, in her usual event coordinator fashion, appointed herself hostess for their end of the table.

"So Amy, how long have you two been together?"

"I don't know; a few weeks I guess, right Bri?"

"Bri? Did she just call Krakow 'Bri?'" Rayanne asked no one in particular. Sharon responded with a swift kick under the table.

"Oww!" All eyes were on her now. "Charlie horse. I'm okay." Sharon gave them all a fake smile to rival Patty's, wishing all the while that Angela would arrive soon.

For whatever reason, Brian hadn't thought about the fact that Rayanne would be at the party and seated across from his girlfriend. He felt like a long-tailed cat in room full of rocking chairs. He was afraid she'd say something about spending the night with him earlier in the week. He still wasn't sure why she had come over that night and why she wouldn't leave. It was the strangest thing. They had fallen asleep on the couch watching some old movie that she was going on and on about, he couldn't remember the name of it. The next thing he knew, he woke up with a blanket over him and Rayanne nowhere to be found.

As if sensing his discomfort Rayanne looked at him, through him really.

"So…_Bri__, seen any good movies lately?"_

Brian turned bright red, which Amy found strange.

"Something wrong, _Bri__?" _Rayanne continued to taunt him.

"Uh – I'll be right back." He excused himself and headed to the bathroom, leaving Amy mystified…and suspicious.

"He's a movie buff, y'know. Old movies, he gets very emotional." Rayanne offered this explanation to Amy, who remained confused.

Sharon thought she would die from the tension Rayanne had created and though she had no idea what that exchange had been about, she knew that Rayanne was hell bent on messing with Brian and she had to find a way to redirect the conversation.

"So…what did you guys get her?" Sharon asked about the birthday presents.

"Well, Rickie and I were gonna get her a really nice bustier, but Mr. Manners over there decided that it was '_inappropriate._' I had some other ideas, but he squashed those too. Granted, the crotch-less panties were probably too much but a thong…c'mon, that would have been very classy."

Everyone looked at Rayanne, mouths wide open in shock.

Brian returned to the table just as Rayanne uttered her last sentence, "So what are we talking about?" He looked around the table at the shocked faces and wished he had stayed in the bathroom just one minute longer.

* * * * * * * * * * * *


	12. Chapter 12

She'd been sure that he would forget her birthday, so when he told her that he had something planned, she was shocked to learn that he had given it any thought at all, much less planned something special. He'd said that it was a surprise and she'd have to wait until he got off work so that he could take her to it.

"So, do I get to ask where you're taking me?" She fastened her seatbelt.

"Don't worry about it. You'll know when we get there."

She looked down at her lap and the envelope her mother had left for her on the kitchen counter with a note asking her to have Jordan drop it off at the restaurant for Hallie, which would delay her surprise and she was thoroughly pissed off about it.

_This Patty-Jordan love thing is getting a little out of hand. _She made a mental note to talk to her mother about it.

"I don't know why my mother couldn't drop these off herself. You're too nice to her. She takes advantage of you."

"Whatever, I don't mind. It's on the way." He responded, keeping his eyes on the road for fear that she would read something in his face. He had tried his best to be evasive so that he wouldn't be forced to flat out lie to her. There was something about lying that he just couldn't abide. Being private or keeping your business to yourself was one thing, but lying was something entirely different and he would simply choose to be non-responsive rather than lie. It was just his way. He couldn't claim to possess any real moral code, but if there was one thing he felt was completely and totally immoral, it was lying. The only lies he could really justify were the ones he told his father which he regarded as self-defense.

They pulled up in front of the restaurant and she got out of the car. Jordan was getting out when she turned and told him that he didn't have to come with her. She knew Graham made him uncomfortable.

"You didn't even really have to park. I'll be in and out."

"Ange, relax. I don't mind."

They walked through the door and she saw her friends and family seated at a long table. They all yelled "Surprise!" as she entered. She looked at Jordan, then at everyone else and back to Jordan again.

'You were in on this?"

He nodded and she swatted him on the arm.

"It was your mother's idea."

"Tattletale."

Patty swatted him too. From the kitchen door, Graham watched the two of them with Jordan and he was surprised to find that he was jealous. _Look at them, falling all over him. What's so special about him? I just put together a four course meal for twenty people, while working a busy dinner crowd, and nothing. His whole responsibility in this plan was to drive her here, big deal. He's probably thinking of ways to defile her right now. Little bastard._

Angela greeted the Cherskis and kissed her grandparents and her uncle, introducing everyone to Jordan, who was squirming on the inside, but keeping cool on the outside.

Shane's words replayed over and over in his mind, "_You go, sing 'Happy Birthday,' eat a little cake, and you're a f*cking hero."_

"Have a seat, you two." Patty directed them to the far end of the table.

The evening went quickly and Jordan was surprised to find that he didn't feel so uncomfortable. He was seated next to Rickie and across from Brian, which was perfect. He didn't have to talk to or look at Rayanne or Sharon. Aside from a few penetrating looks from Graham, things were fine. Sometimes, he just wanted to take Graham aside and say to him, _"Relax I'm not doin' your daughter, even though I'd really like to, all the time and in the most amazing ways." _

While the seating arrangements worked out well for him, it was obvious to him that Brian wasn't quite as comfortable. He'd caught Brian stealing glances at him all night and felt that the discomfort on his face was more than enough punishment for the stunt he pulled earlier in the week, at least for the time being. There was tension between them; actually, a more fair description would be to say that Brian was tense in Jordan's presence. Jordan felt secure in his place in Angela's life and he was sure that the present he had for her would serve to further solidify that position. He still regarded Brian as a threat, but after his and Angela's last make-out session, less so. He knew that there was no way that Brian could compete on that level. Jordan didn't believe he was good at very many things, but music, cars, and sex, those were a few things he was exceptionally good at and he knew it. He had introduced Angela to something she'd obviously never experienced before and there was no way she could deny that it was something she longed to do again. He was of course, more than willing to oblige her in this and more.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Patty excused herself from the table and made her way to the kitchen, where she found Graham.

"Do you plan on spending the _entire_ night in this kitchen?"

"Honey, it's a full house, I can't just stop cooking." He was working three burners at once.

"I realize that, but can't someone cover for you for a few minutes? It's her 16th birthday, Graham. She only gets _one _of those."

"I know, I know." He sighed deeply before going further. "I promise to stick around while she cuts the cake and opens her presents."

Patty stared at him in disbelief.

"Y'know, it's not like you didn't know you were going to be booked today. Couldn't you have…you know what? Never mind. Never mind. It's fine. You'll come out when we cut the cake. It's…fine."

"Patty…" He made an attempt to placate her, but she dismissed him with a wave of her hand and walked back through the swinging doors.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

After dinner, Jordan went outside to have a cigarette and was joined shortly thereafter by Angela's grandfather. He offered Chuck a cigarette.

"No, thanks. I don't smoke, I just needed to get the hell outta there for a minute. All those women yakking, gets to you after awhile."

Jordan nodded

"So you go to school with Angela?"

"Uh, yeah. We're in the same English class."

"I hear you're a musician."

"Uh-huh, guitar and piano."

"The piano? Angela plays piano. I remember all those recitals we went to when she was just a little thing. She wasn't half bad."

_Angela plays? She never told me that. Hmmm, who's holdin' out on who now?_

He filed this little fact away for future use.

They made small talk for a little while before Graham came out to tell them that they were getting ready to cut the cake.

"Keep your shirt on, we'll be there in a minute." Graham's eye's turned into small slits as he reddened and looked from Chuck to Jordan and back.

It was clear from his tone that Chuck didn't like Graham. Jordan put out his cigarette and started for the door.

"Slow down, Chief. I don't jump when he says so."

Jordan wasn't quite sure what to do.

"He thinks he's the boss because he flips a few steaks? In my day, a man took care of business and provided for his family. Cooking classes. Nonsense. He's forty years old and my daughter has to finance _his_ dream. I swear, smart as she is, marrying him was the dumbest thing she could've done."

Jordan looked more than a little uncomfortable, but took in every word.

"Sorry Chief, he just burns me up's all. Come on, I don't wanna put your butt in a sling. I suppose you're not his favorite person. That's how it is you know, with daughters. You always hate the _other _guy they love." Chuck put an arm around Jordan and ushered him to the restaurant door.

As Jordan entered the restaurant, he caught Angela's eye. She gave him the strangest look, he couldn't quite place it, but he knew that it came with a list of questions. He tried not to think about the interrogation he knew would come later. Taking his seat, he felt eyes on him. When he turned, he got another look, this time from Graham, who was now standing at Patty's side. The look on Graham's face was easy to identify, it was contempt. Jordan imagined that the same attitude Chuck had about Graham, Graham had about him. Maybe Graham was justified. Maybe being with him would turn out to be the dumbest thing Angela could've ever done.

After Angela cut the cake, she leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"We'll leave in a little while, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever you want."

"I _want_ to be with you."

She smiled at him in that innocently provocative way that only she could pull off. The next fifteen minutes dragged like feet through wet sand as the presents were given and opened.

Sharon was the first of her friends to hand her a package with a bow, which she unwrapped to reveal Alanis Morrisette's _Jagged Little Pill_ CD.

"It's really great for when you're totally pissed off." This brought quizzical stares from the others. "Not that you have any reason to be pissed off, but if you like, ever are…this would be like, perfect."

Rickie and Rayanne gave her a hand painted silk scarf that was absolutely stunning. When she opened the gift box and pulled out the scarf, a second item came trailing out behind it. Much to Angela's horror it fell and Jordan caught it, causing her to turn a lovely shade of crimson. He smirked, but said nothing; he was too busy picturing her in it. His thought was cut short by the realization that it was Rayanne who had given it to her and there was something almost incestuous about the whole thing that made him a little queasy. _Leave it to Graf to ruin the thought of Angela in a thong. _He'd have been hard pressed to put it into words, but it felt like she'd be a spectator or something equally weird and disturbing.

Thankfully, the adults were too far away to see the black lace thong that Rayanne had slipped into the package when Rickie wasn't looking.

"Rayanne!" Rickie said in a whispered shout. "I can't leave you alone for five minutes. When did you put that in there?"

"When you went to find the tape." She said matter-of-factly and looked at the faces around her, mouths agape once again.

"Don't shoot me for thinking ahead and being practical. I mean, sure, she can use the scarf with a few outfits, but black goes with everything." A devlish grin forming on her face.

"Moving right along…Brian?" Sharon stepped in and refocused everyone on the next gift.

Brian handed her a gift bag and looked sheepishly at her. He suddenly had second thoughts about giving her his gift. _What if she doesn't like it? What if she does and Jordan gets angry?_ The room seemed to be getting smaller and hotter by the minute.

He recalled her mentioning something about Billie Holiday's music and thought an autobiography of the late jazz diva would impress her. He thought it might touch her that he had bothered to remember it.

Jordan was taken aback by Brian's gift, sensing that it would convey some shared memory. He thought once more of his own gift and felt reassured.

While Angela appreciated all of the presents, there was really only one that she was particularly interested in. Jordan handed her a small, black velvet box. _Jewelry? No way!_

She opened the box slowly, almost afraid to look inside. Meanwhile, Sharon was about to blow a gasket imagining what the small box contained. As much as she disliked Jordan, the idea of a promise ring or something equally demonstrative of his love for her conjured romantic visions that could not be denied. Inside the little box Angela found…_A key ring?__ What does it mean? I have the key to his heart? Why can't he just come out and say what he means? Okay, just smile and act like you get it._

She smiled broadly, grateful for the many years that she had watched her mother put on that fake smile and did her best to replicate it. In truth, though she didn't know what it meant, the key ring was like no other she had ever seen. It was beautiful, like a piece of jewelry; a rectangular, sterling silver bauble with a central green gemstone. It dangled from what resembled a tiny silver bangle, not more than an inch and a half in diameter, each end punctuated with a silver ball that would prevent the keys from slipping off. It was only a key ring, but it was stunning. She tilted the box for all to see and from a distance they figured it was a pendant of some sort. They _"ooh-ed" _and _"ahhh-ed,"_ appropriately.

"Turn it over," he said to her in a husky voice only she could hear.

She complied with his request and found that the key ring had on it an inscription, _"__And trumpets blew, and angels flew...And all I see is you"_ Her brain worked furiously to understand what it all meant. The inscription was a line from one of her favorite Smashing Pumpkins songs, so clearly that meant something. _ I guess he's telling me that this is 'our song?' But what does the key ring mean? _

She closed the box and kissed him on the cheek. She thanked everyone for the gifts and for celebrating with her, then she said her goodbyes and they left.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"So, where to now?" She sat in the car trying to guess at where they were going based on the direction in which they were now headed.

"I have to stop at Manny's first and then we're going to the loft."

"The loft?"

"Yeah."

He could tell that she was mildly disappointed and though she tried to hide it, her voice gave her away. She sat silently, staring out of the window at the familiar streets she'd traveled all her life. He just had to keep her in the dark for ten minutes more.

_I guess the party was my surprise. I mean, that was a pretty big deal, right? Really, Angela, don't be greedy. You didn't even think he was going to remember your birthday. This is more than you could have ever hoped for. He actually planned the whole thing with my mom and sat at a dinner table with my friends and family for like two hours. He even hung out with Grandpa. __And whatever the inscribed key ring means, the point is __it means something._All of these thoughts served to make her feel better about the evening and what lay ahead.

"So, what took you so long to come back inside earlier?" She finally spoke after an uncomfortable silence, but she still wasn't looking at him.

"Your grandfather was talking to me."

"About what?"

"Nothing, just how things were back in the day."

He felt like it would be wrong to repeat what Chuck told him. Besides, it would only put her on the defensive about her dad and she was already bothered. He didn't want to ruin her surprise.

"He seemed to like you." It was more of a probing question than the statement she tried to make it sound like.

"I guess. He's cool."

"Yeah, he drives my parents a little crazy. He's not as bad as my grandmother, but he's like constantly complaining about my dad and the restaurant. I think he's always felt like my mom could do better or something."

Jordan didn't bother to respond, figuring that there was no added value in confirming for her what she had already deduced on her own.

They pulled up to the garage and Jordan told her to come in with him. Everyone had left for the day and it was dark inside. Jordan opened the door and they walked through the storefront and into the workshop, the smell of gasoline and oil filled the air.

He turned on a single light under which sat a bonafide wreck.

"So, what d'ya think?"

"About what?"

"The car."

"It's a wreck. Somebody actually wants you to fix it? It looks like it needs to be put out of its misery."

His heart sank. _This was a stupid idea. I should've just got her a bracelet or something._

She saw the look on his face and realized she must have missed something.

"Wait…whose is it?"

"Give me the box." He stretched out his hand as she reached into her purse to retrieve the gift box and hand it to him.

He opened it and removed the key ring, placing on it a set of keys. He took her hand in his, placed the keys in the palm of her hand, and walked away.

"It's mine?"

"Yeah. I know it's not pretty now, but when I'm finished with it…" He opened the passenger side door and reached into the glovebox, pulling out a folded piece of paper, which he handed to her.

"What's this?"

"Open it." He was walking around the car, looking at it as if it was a beautiful woman, running his hand along the body in certain places.

She slowly unfolded the paper to reveal a drawing of a car. It looked nothing like the one sitting in front of her.

"That's what it'll look like." He walked up behind her looking over her shoulder at the rendering. "You need to choose a color…for the body. I made it green…" he stepped around to face her and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, "…to match your eyes." He said in that husky voice. "But you can choose another color if you want."

She looked at him; her eyes filled with tears, grinning ear to ear.

"It's beautiful. I like green." It was all she could manage to say.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

**A/N: I know it took us a long time to get here; I hope it was worth the wait. Their night isn't over yet…still lots more to come. I'm looking forward to your feedback. Thanks to all you faithful reviewers and welcome to the newbies. I invite all you lurkers to let your presence be known in the form of a review ******** Last, but not least, GoodniteGirl23, you're the woman!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hi Everyone, here's the continuation of Angela's birthday. This jumps around a bit, so you'll have to pay more attention than usual. **

They had spent most of the night together at the garage and then driving around, finally ending up at a local park where they sat talking on the swings, finishing the night with a second make out session even more heated than the previous one. Unbeknownst to her, he struggled with his feelings for her for quite sometime that night before he was able to suppress the panic and enjoy what was immediately before him.

He dropped her off at the end of the night and a deep and profound loneliness swept over him. It reminded him of the loneliness he'd felt when he was a little boy and he thought of his mother. He struggled with the fact that somehow Angela had gotten to him in a way that he'd never allowed before. Unable to go home, he spent the night in his car and as he stared out the window at the infinite blackness of the night sky, he thought to himself, _Fine, she's in your head, like deep in your head, so what? Is that really so bad? When was the last time someone gave a sh*t what you thought? If you graduate or not, if you have a shot at a decent life? Who really thinks you can even do it? Not a f*ckin' person in the world…except Angela. I matter to her. _And with that thought, he felt comforted enough to fall of to sleep.

He woke up at five, drove home, and slipped quietly into the house. After he showered and got dressed, he lay back on his bed and tried to picture her asleep in hers, wondering if she thought about him when she woke up in the morning, like he thought of her. He pictured her asleep with that sweet little smile on her face, proud that he had been the one to put it there.

Thinking of her almost always led to a lyric or the start of a melody or an idea for how to rework something he'd already written and today was no exception. He worked on an idea for that evening's show until he was satisfied with how it worked out. Pleased with what he'd done, he went down to the kitchen and warmed a plate of his grandmother's lasagna. While the plate was warming in the microwave he counted the empty beer bottles on the counter, eight in total. Jordan knew Anthony was asleep in his room and would be for the better part of the day. _F*ckin' lightweight._

_* * * * * * * * *_

Patty sat at the kitchen table, drinking her coffee in silence. Graham and the girls were asleep and she wished she was as well. She had struggled with her thoughts all evening and through the better part of the night.

_I should just confront the issue. Why am I so afraid to just talk about it? We've never had trouble talking about things before? That's it. I'll talk to him about it when he gets up. I'm not going to let another day go by without saying something. _

She sipped her coffee and took a bite of her toast.

_What am I going to say? 'Graham, could you explain to me why it is that you've managed to get home before midnight every night this week, but not before 2am for the past two months? Oh, and by the way, is there some specific reason why we haven't had sex in almost six weeks?' Right, that conversation should go very smoothly. Maybe he's just stressed. A start up is a lot of work and the restaurant __has__ been really busy. Maybe I'm overreacting. _

Patty was pulled from her thoughts when Angela entered the room.

"Good morning, Mom." She smiled as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Well, well, well, you _do_ know where you live." Patty teased.

"Ha. Ha. It wasn't that late. You didn't give me a curfew_ and_ I could have stayed out a lot later."

"True. Did you like your present?" She couldn't help but smile. She loved seeing her daughter so happy and there was something about watching Angela fall in love that filled her heart to overflowing.

"I love it! I guess he told you about it." She poured herself a cup of coffee and as she added exactly three spoonfuls of sugar, she smiled, knowing that he was probably doing the very same thing.

"He showed it to me a few weeks ago." Having learned from past experience, she went on to qualify her statement and explain why he would do such a thing. "He wanted to make sure that we were okay with it before he gave it to you."

"Does dad know?"

"Of course, why would I keep that from him?"

"I don't know. He just seems to really dislike Jordan and it's not fair because Jordan hasn't done anything to deserve it."

"Oh Honey, it has nothing to do with Jordan. I've been married to your dad for almost twenty years and your grandfather still gives him a hard time. Men are very protective of their daughters; that's just the way it is."

Angela suddenly remembered overhearing her parents, back when she had made plans to meet Jordan at Brian's house and her mother mistakenly thought she had a crush on Brian. Her father's reaction had been to say that he'd liked Brian right up until he was confronted with the possibility that the two had become involved.

"Has he done any work on it?" Patty inquired, "It was in pretty bad shape when I saw it. I honestly don't know how he's going to make it better."

"It's a total wreck," She laughed "but he says he can make it like new and actually better than new because he can customize it so that it's exactly the way I want it."

"It's a very thoughtful present. He obviously cares a lot about you."

Angela didn't respond. She sipped her coffee and hoped that was the last her mother would say on the topic.

"I just want you to know that I trust you to make good decisions about…whatever. To be…safe and, and…smart, with whatever you're doing, driving or otherwise. And if you need to talk to someone or you have questions, you should feel like you can talk to me, y'know about…anything."

"Mom."

"Yes, Sweetheart."

"I'm not having sex. I told you that."

"I didn't say anything. I was talking about general safety, but since you brought it up, I mean, you should feel like you can talk to me about that too."

"God! Mom! I just told you I'm not doing anything. Why do you always have to go there? We were having a perfectly nice breakfast and you just couldn't help yourself, you had to go and say something to ruin it." She placed her half-finished cup of coffee on the counter behind her. "I have stuff to do; I'll be in my room."

_* * * * * * * * *_

Jordan stood in his driveway listening to Shane had come by to fill him in on a situation that had developed at the loft.

"Dude, he's talking about putting our sh*t in the street. You gotta get a hold of Tino and get him to smooth it over."

"F*ck me!" Jordan tried to keep his frustration from getting the best of him as Shane explained that there was an attempted break in at the loft and the owner, Tino's uncle, was livid.

"But it's not like _we_ did it. Why would we break in? We have keys. This is bullsh*t! Where are we gonna practice? Where are we gonna keep the equipment?"

"I know. I said all of that, but he was wigging out. He said something about crackheads and cops. I dunno, I barely understood him. I tried to tell him we don't let anybody get stoned up there, that it's our stuff that woulda been stolen, but he just kept on yellin'. I'm gonna go down there and see if I can get him to calm down. You go find Tino. We'll figure something out."

As they part ways, Jordan can't help but think that he should've seen this coming.

_Every time__ something goes good for me, something else comes along and f*cks it up. It's just a matter of time before the same thing happens with Angela. I should just let it go now. It's just gonna fall apart…just like this is falling apart now. _

Jordan found Tino at one of his usual haunts and filled him in. When they met up with Shane at the loft, Tino's uncle had stopped yelling, but was no more amenable to having the band remain in the space than he had been earlier that day. Tino managed to smooth things over and once Jordan and Shane agreed to pay for the damages to the building's front door, all was forgiven.

"Two hundred f*ckin' dollars!" Shane shouted and paced while Jordan examined the lock.

"Maybe we can do it ourselves." Jordan figured that they could do the work themselves for less than half of what Tino's uncle was asking of them.

"He's not gonna go for it; he already called the locksmith. Listen, I got about $85 at the house and I can probably raise another thirty or forty, but not 'til Monday."

"We're good. I got paid yesterday." The money was the least of his concerns. He was more worried about the would-be thieves returning to finish the job.

"This is so f*cked up. Some tweaker tries to break in and _we_ have to pay for it."

The had seemingly switch roles with Jordan now being the level-headed one and Shane struggling to rein in his anger.

"Just be glad we still have a place to practice. It coulda been worse."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well I'm getting my money's worth outta this sh*t. I'm going upstairs to call the guys. We might as well practice, since we're here."

Jordan watched him go, all the while thankful that they weren't standing on the sidewalk surrounded by instruments and equipment, having an entirely different conversation.

_It coulda been worse. Maybe things are turning around. Maybe. _

_* * * * * * * * *_

"A car?! He gave you a car?! Are you serious?! With like, four wheels and an engine?" Angela nodded, trying to suppress her growing smile.

"Rickie, it was amazing." She spun around and threw herself back onto the bed. "I couldn't even speak." Her eyes were closed and she could almost feel Jordan's arms around her as she thought of him.

"Oh my God! I think I would like, die. I can't believe you didn't just die."

I almost did. It was incredible. The whole thing." She sat up, unable to contain the grin spreading across her face, pretty soon, she was beaming.

"You are like, so lucky."

"I know." Her smile faded a little, not due to sadness, but the realization that she was lucky in a way that Rickie didn't even know about. She stood and walked over to her closet, fiddling with the sleeve of one of her blouses which hung in the closet.

"What?" Rickie noticed the change in her demeanor.

"Something…happened last night." She turned slightly away from Rickie who was plucking stray hairs from his brow.

"I'm confused, I thought we were happy." He stopped his work for a moment to turn and look at her.

"We are. We're so happy it's like ridiculous. It's just…different."

"I don't get it, what do you mean? Oh my God! Angela, you… did you…? Nevermind, I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask. It's like, too personal."

"No, it's okay. I think I need to talk about it so that I can be sure that this is all like, actually happening."

_Everything about Jordan Catalano has been a fantasy for so long that there __were still moments when I thought this all had to be happening in my head and I would wake up in the state asylum, in a straightjacket, looking out of the window, while someone fed me tapioca pudding._

Rickie made his way to her bed and sat, resting his head on his hands.

"Okay, so..." He was grinning and could barely contain himself.

"Well, after I recovered from the shock of Jordan Catalano giving me an actual motor vehicle, we sat inside for awhile and…" She replayed the moment in her mind, causing her to hesitate briefly.

"Uh-huh…"

"It almost happened."

Rickie looked at her incredulously. She dropped her eyes from his.

"We sat inside and he was telling me about how he was going to put in this awesome sound system and how it would have speakers in the front and in the back so the sound would be all around me. And I don't know what happened; I kinda stopped listening to him. I climbed over the seat and on to his lap. I started kissing him and then…I don't know, I pulled him into the backseat and I just, I felt…ready."

"So, what happened? Why didn't you do it?"

"He stopped."

"He just stopped? Just like that?" Rickie looked at her skeptically. "No way!" Really?

"Yeah, at first I got really upset. I thought he didn't want me, or that I did something wrong, but that wasn't it. He said that he didn't want it to happen like that. He didn't want our first time to be in the back of a dirty old car. He said I deserved better than that. Even when I said that it didn't matter, he wouldn't listen to me. He said that even if that was what I thought I wanted, it wasn't what he wanted."

"Oh my God, Angela. That is so romantic. I mean, who'd have thought that Jordan Catalano would turn out to be a gentleman." Rickie had a far away look in his eye.

"He was right, you know. If I'd done it, I think I'd have been mad at myself. I mean, how would that be different from when he and…" She stopped herself as if saying it would cause history to repeat itself. She rose from the bed and walked over to her mirror.

Rickie watched her intently and in a serious tone, usually reserved for Rayanne's madness, he said,

"It would have been _totally _different for a _million _reasons beginning with the fact that you like, love him." He looked her in the eye and she nodded affirming that what he said was true.

"It was just so like...unreal. I still can't believe he gave me a car." She glanced at the clock at her bedside. "We should start getting ready. I still have to take a shower and everything and I don't want to be running around when he gets here to pick us up. Tonight is really important; he says it could lead to their first paying gig."

"Why don't you go jump in the shower while I pick out something for you to wear. I mean, you _are _the star attraction's star attraction. You have to look the part." Rickie opened up her closet and began to rifle through the assortment of colors and fabrics in an attempt to make something new from something old, when he had a thought.

"Oh wait. I forgot to ask, so, when do we get to take a ride in your new car?"

"Christmas. He said that it should be up and running by then." Angela mindlessly gathered her toiletries to take into the shower with her. Rickie stood dumbstruck, finally he spoke.

"Angela, oh my God!"

"What?"

"Do you know what that means?" She looked at Rickie blankly. He walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Angela, he just told you that he's like, committed or whatever."

She hadn't thought of it that way.

_So much for__ "whatever happens, happens" I guess. _

She essentially floated her way to the shower, head in the clouds over what Rickie had pointed out to her.

As she showered and washed her hair, her thoughts were drawn back to the night before. After the party, they had gone to the garage, where she discovered that her birthday present was a junked VW Cabriolet convertible. She hadn't understood at first when he showed her the hunk of junk and she couldn't see how it could be anything but the wreck that stood before her. After she'd seen his rendering of what it would look like when he finished restoring it, she was overwhelmed. The ragtop was shredded and the mechanism that controlled it had long since died. The body was dented and rusted, and the interior was torn in certain places, still, it was the most beautiful car in the world, next to his. He would restore it and make it perfect for her. That was nearly 24 hours ago and she was still on cloud nine.

They sat inside the car talking and kissing for awhile and then in a bold move, she reached over and positioned herself on his lap, straddling him. She looked him in the eye and proceeded to kiss him seductively. He responded by placing his hands on her hips. She countered by grinding into him. She could feel him beneath her, pressing into her. Wanting more, she made her way to the back seat. He followed, lowering himself on top of her gently. She pulled her blouse over her head to reveal a sheer black demi-bra with tiny pearl beading along the edges. She knew he could see through it and that coupled with the knowledge that she was wearing a matching thong gave her a thrill that only served to further embolden her. She stared him in the eye as she reached down to free him of his own shirt. Once it was off, she ran her hands over his arms, down his back and up over his abdomen, letting them come to rest on the nape of his neck, her fingers in his hair. She noted the softness of his skin and the ripple of his muscle as allowed herself to become absorbed in his form.

She was biting her bottom lip and she had that look. Her eyes were half-closed and filled with desire. He fought to maintain control of himself. All he wanted to do was take her, but it didn't feel right. She sensed his distraction.

"What? It's ok." She tried to assure him that she was ready, caressing his torso in an effort to encourage him to go further.

"Nah," he shook his head as he pulled back from her and sat upright. "It's not."

He couldn't believe what he was saying. Even as he said it, it sounded like someone else's voice.

"We're in a dirty garage."

"We're not in a garage, we're in my car." She teased, grinning. Recognizing the reference, he gave her a small smile.

She rose to her knees and straddled him once more, kissing and nibbling his ear and neck.

"Babe, stop, for real." he looked serious. "I don't want it to be like this, you should have better."

"What if Idon't want better what if this I what I want?" She continued.

What she said bothered him, though he couldn't articulate exactly why.

"Well, what if this isn't what _I_ want?" He tried not to sound too harsh, but he needed her to understand that he was serious about not letting this be their first time together. _It's not gonna happen, not here and not like this. _

She felt completely humiliated. Fighting back tears, she reached for her shirt, trying to cover her embarrassment. _I'm giving myself to him after all this time and he doesn't want me? Someone, tell me this is not happening. _He stopped her.

"Ange, Babe, not like this, in a dirty garage, in the back seat of a beat up old car? C'mon, you're not that girl, never have been." He ran his hand through her hair, wanting to reassure her that this wasn't happening because she was in any way undesirable

She had a thousand conflicting emotions. _Wasn't he the one who had wanted this all along? Now, he doesn't? I can't believe I just threw myself at him like that._

She was looking away from him, holding her blouse over her chest. He knew that she was beyond upset, but he also knew that he had to make her understand what he was saying to her. He placed his hand on her cheek, turning her around to face him. He kissed her eyes, one at a time, tasting the salt from her tears.

"I don't want you to be sorry about it tomorrow."

Though she offered no response, he could feel some of the tension dissipate. She was still holding herself at a distance and she still wouldn't look at him. He opened the car door and got out, reaching down to pull her out behind him. She started to put her blouse back on before exiting the car.

"No one's here. Don't worry about it."

She took his hand and he led her to a small room off the workshop. It wasn't exactly nice, but it was clean and sort of cozy.

"I missed you." He whispered as he kissed her lips and nuzzled her neck, planting light kisses on her shoulders, lingering on her collarbone. "…a lot." He laid her down on the couch and continued to kiss and caress her.

"I missed you too."

She felt herself weakening and although she was still hurt, she couldn't resist his voice or his touch. _He missed me. I can't believe he said he missed me. _

She felt his hands pulling off her skirt and her thoughts slowed. Normally, this was the point at which alarms went off in her head, but there would be no alarms today. She wanted whatever it was he intended to give her.

Once the skirt was off, he took a moment to look at her laid out before him in a very revealing bra and thong set.

_This__ is what she's been wearin' to school everyday?_

He was stunned, not just by her beauty, but by the fact that his virginal Angela had a dark side. A devilish grin spread across his face and he knew it would be damn near impossible to concentrate in English from this point forward. He also imagined that when their time finally came, he would be anything but disappointed.

Not wanting her to become self-conscious, he leaned in and kissed her navel, followed by a row of kisses down the center line of her body, his lips moving over the sheer fabric that covered her nether regions, grazing her just slightly. He delighted in her reaction, the arching of her back and the little gasp of surprise she made. He made his way back up and when he reached her breasts, he made himself a promise that he would not remove another article of clothing from her body, believing that this would keep him from doing exactly what he wanted to do at that moment and then he cursed himself for growing a conscience at such an inopportune time.

As he kissed her, his hand slipped under her waistband. He touched her and sent her head spinning. She thought she would be mortified when he touched her there and saw how he had affected her, but instead it only added to her excitement. She whispered his name breathlessly, which he interpreted as a request to continue, so he did, moving his hand further beneath the sheer fabric of her carefully chosen ensemble.

_I could just go ahead and do it. She'd let me. Right genius, and tomorrow? Don't be stupid. This is important, don't f*ck it up... It's not an option. _He thought to himself that she was the kind of girl who wanted her first time to be special and memorable and all that. _The minute she realized she gave it up in the back seat of a car, or in the break room of a greasy garage, she'd hate me. Why did I bring her here? If we went to the loft instead...stop thinking about it. _

He was still admonishing himself when alarms went off in _his_ head.

Her hands moved as if they had a mind of their own. They found the button on his jeans and went to work on it. While he struggled with his moral dilemma, he felt her hand on him, opening his zipper and he thought he'd completely lose it._Oh man, w__hat is she doing? How the f*ck am I supposed to keep it together with her doing that?_

The struggle to maintain control continued.

Soon, she was matching him touch for touch, feeling things she'd never felt before, but desperately wanted to feel over and over again. She found that she loved the feel of him in her hand. His response to her touch served to excite her even more, if it was even possible. She had been afraid to touch him like this in the past, but now all fear was gone and his response had put away all doubts she had regarding her abilities in this area. She wanted to make him feel as good as he was making her feel and before long, they were both carried away. Their breathing was ragged and their rhythm was perfectly in sync.

Her hand was warm and felt incredibly good to him. He couldn't believe that he was this excited over a hand job, but then it wasn't just any hand, it was hers, and this wasn't just some chick groping him, this was monumental. He was struggling not to lose it before she did, wanting to make this last for as long as possible. He tried to concentrate on her and what would make her feel good, taking his mind off of himself for the moment.

She was swept up in what he was doing to her when he did something with his thumb that sent shivers up her spine. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart was pounding so fast she was sure it would explode in her chest. She involuntarily tightened her grip on him as she attempted to draw breath. Again, he heard his name and found himself saying hers. The thrill that went through her as he said her name with pure wanting was indescribable.

She made a small cat-like noise and Jordan knew they were about to move to a whole new place in their relationship. He allowed himself to let go, a low moan escaping him as they arrived at their destination together. Their bodies tensed in unison and as he relaxed, he was mesmerized by the sight of her. Although he was experienced and took some pride in his ability to satisfy a woman, he was still amazed at how her whole body reacted to this experience. He kissed her softly and slowly as he watched her body go through its various machinations; the beauty of it was something he'd never noticed before. He could feel her heart racing as he kissed her and as time passed, he could feel the beat of it slow a little. He looked at her, really looked at her. She was beautiful, laying there in his arms with her eyes closed and a tiny little smile of satisfaction on her face. He couldn't put into words what he felt for her at this moment, but he knew that he never wanted this to end.

He nudged her a little.

"Hmmm?" She didn't think she could form a coherent sentence just yet, so she didn't even bother to try.

"You okay?"

"Mmm-hmm." She blushed and he laughed at how she had suddenly become shy once again. She smiled at him and when she finally had control over her mind, she spoke. "This was…amazing, but you were right. I would've regretted it." She kissed him as if to thank him. "I know it's not easy for you."

"It's okay. We could do this for awhile." He figured some satisfaction was better than none and that even if it was just a hand, at least it wasn't his own. He knew that eventually this wouldn't be enough for her either, so at least there would be forward movement.

She looked up at him from where she lay with her head on his bare chest. There was something in her eyes that made his heart race just a little and flutter as if a tiny little bird was trapped in one of its chambers. He kissed her just so she would stop looking at him that way. It was enough and too much all at the same time and he was confused by what he felt.

He went to the bathroom to clean up and for the few minutes he was in there alone, his mind raced. He felt things for Angela he'd never felt for anyone before in his life. He knew what it was to love a relative or a friend, Dom, Kate, Shane and his brothers, but he'd never loved a girl before and he thought this might be it. His heart felt so full it was almost heavy and he had a lump in his throat. The wave of emotion he felt was overwhelming and he didn't know what to do with it. Like every other time that emotion threatened to overwhelm him, he pushed it down and tried to deny it, but he couldn't seem to do it. Some of it stuck at the surface and he was terrified that he was no longer in control. He thought to himself that if there was no one else in the world but the two of them, it would be perfectly fine with him. He wanted to be with her like this forever, but thought that was crazy.

_What the f*ck am I supposed to do with this? __It can't last forever. We're not even 18, it's gonna end one day. _ _It's not like we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. _And yet, the thought of life without her was enough to cause him physical pain. _F*ck! How did I let this happen?_

As he entered the room again, he saw her still on the couch, caught up in the afterglow, sated and happy, having no idea what was going on in his head and he had to will himself to stop thinking about the fact that this relationship would one day come to an end.

She made room for him next to her and drank in the warmth of his body, missing the skin to skin contact now that they were both fully clothed. It had only just started to sink in that she now owned a car. She started thinking out loud about getting her permit and taking driving lessons.

He lay back on the couch with her in his arms. Stoking her hair, listening to her prattle on.

_What did I do? That's it, there's no going back. I'm totally f*cked. And what was that she said about not wanting better? Something about it bothers me, I don't know why, but it does. I'm gonna f*ck this up, I know it._

* * * * * * * * * * * *

**A/N: Special thanks to GoodniteGirl23 who read this no less than 20 times and can probably recite it from memory. Her torture is your gain, lol.**

**There's one more chapter that finishes off the weekend. That'll be up in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for reading. Reviews are greatly appreciated. **


	14. Chapter 14

"Oh my God! Did they take anything?"

"You sound weird, are you okay? I mean, you weren't like there when it happened, were you?"

"So, you're okay?"

"Don't worry about us, my mom can drop us off."

"I'm just glad you're okay."

"Okay. Bye."

Angela placed the phone back on its cradle just as Patty entered the room with a stack of folded laundry. The two had barely spoken since that morning.

"Um, Mom?"

"Yes."

"Do you think you could drop us off at Vertigo?"

"I thought Jordan was coming to get you."

_Why does she need to know every detail of my life? _

"He can't."

"Why not?"

"Because he has something else to do. Forget it; I'll get Sharon to ask her mom." Angela started out of the room when Patty called her back in.

"I have no problem taking you, I was simply asking a question, which I might remind you, I not only have a right but an obligation to do. I was just asking, no hidden agenda, just a concerned mother. Not everyone has one, y'know."

"So you'll take us?"

_Is that all she heard? That's it? 'So, you'll take us?'"_ Frustrated by their strained communication, Patty sighed loudly before responding.

"Yes, Angela, I'll take you, but you need to be ready by six, Danielle has a meeting."

"Thanks."

Angela walked out of the room without another word. Patty sat on the bed, looking down the hall as her eldest daughter walked away.

"You're welcome."

_* * * * * * * * *_

"Angela! Sharon's here." Patty called up the stairs. "Sharon, why don't you go on up."

Sharon headed up the stairs and found Angela and Rickie putting the finishing touches on their makeup.

"Hey."

"Hey." They responded in unison, each with an eyeliner pencil in hand.

"Wow, you guys look great! I should've gotten dressed here."

"Jordan called." Angela looked at Sharon in the mirror as she applied her eyeliner. "There was a glitch in their plans, so my mom is going to drop us off."

Just then Patty yelled up to the three of them

"We'd better get going guys. I've got to get Danielle to Scouts before seven."

"Scouts…oh my God, Angela, do you remember that? It seems like a thousand years ago doesn't it?"

"I'm just glad I don't have to sell those stupid cookies anymore."

They piled into the car and twenty minutes later the arrived at the venue.

"Angela, I expect you home by midnight. No excuses." Patty's lips were tight and her expression serious

Angela rolled her eyes.

_Midnight. By the time they finish playing it'll be ten o'clock and then we have to take the equipment back to the loft. We'll only have like an hour to spend together. At this rate, I'll be a virgin until I'm ninety._

"I'm not kidding, young lady. Not a minute later. Last night was an exception because it was your birthday, but don't think that 2am is going to be the norm."

"Whatever."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Brian! You have a visitor." Bernice Krakow yelled up the stairs. "Brian?"

"I heard you. I'm coming."

He descended the stairs wondering who could be at the door for him. He'd seen Angela, Rickie, and Sharon leave for what he assumed to be another Residue performance and Amy was away with her parents for the weekend. When he saw Rayanne at the door, he almost turned around and bolted back up the stairs.

_What is her fascination with me? She's like fixated or something._

"Brian, please lock up if you're going out. Your father and I are going to bed. It was nice meeting you, Rayanne, is it?"

"Yeah…uh, you too." Once Brian's mother was out of earshot Rayanne spoke again.

"Hey Krakow, how's it hangin'?"

"What are you doing here?" He knew that this would be the topic of conversation over tomorrow's breakfast, with each of his parents analyzing Rayanne's appearance and their relationship. He dreaded it.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" She pouted. "The last time I was here you seemed pretty happy." She glanced at his fly and he felt completely naked.

She made her way around him and into the kitchen with him following behind her.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, c'mon Krakow, don't be coy." She gave him a knowing smile.

_Did something happen, like when I was asleep or something? I would remember if something happened. I mean, that would be pretty memorable. She just trying to mess with my head._

"Whatever, what are you doing here?"

"Can't a girl drop in on her friend?"

"Friend? You torture me at school and now you want to torture me at home too. I don't think so. You have to go, like now." He grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the kitchen door. She promptly pulled away and smoothed her clothing.

"Krakow, you're not being very hospitable. You didn't even ask me if I wanted something to eat or drink. Where are your manners?"

"My parents are upstairs, so don't think you're spending the night or anything. That was a one-time thing."

"Listen to you. You go on a few dates with what's-her-name you're talking about one night stands."

Brian turned red.

"We DID NOT have a one night stand. Nothing happened."

"But you wanted it to. Isn't that just as bad as actually doing it?" She found some peanut butter in one of the cabinets and was now provocatively licking it off her finger.

"That's it. You have to go. Now!" He grabbed her by the hand and managed to get through the kitchen door before running into his father on the way into the living room.

"Are you leaving Brian? Night out?"

She stood looking at Brian expectantly while twirling a lock of her hair.

"We…I…I'll be back." Brian was flustered and didn't know what to say or do, but he knew he had to get Rayanne as far way from his father as possible.

"Brian, can I speak with you for a moment?" Bob Krakow stepped into the kitchen and waited for Brian to join him. Brian left Rayanne by the front door and followed.

"Here." He handed Brian twenty dollars. "Do you have condoms? Because we have a box upstairs in our room, if you need some."

"Oh my God! No! It's not like that. I can't talk about this right now. I have to go."

"Wait, Brian, I know that sometimes it difficult to think in the moment, but it's very important that you always protect yourself and your partner. I'm not upset. I'm happy to see you interacting with girls. It's perfectly normal."

_I can hear it now. They're going to be talking about me progressing from latency for a week. Maybe I'll get lucky and be killed in a bar fight tonight._

"I have to go." Brian practically ran from his father's presence and out the door with Rayanne in tow.

"So, what are we doing?" Brian looked to Rayanne for direction.

"I don't know. _ You_ dragged _me_ out here."

Brian sighed heavily and prepared himself for what was sure to be a very long night.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The audience went crazy over the last song they played. Angela, Sharon, and Rickie sat at a table in the center of the room, directly in Jordan's sight. He had told her where to sit tonight. Between songs, Jordan broke off from the others and played several bars of _Take Me Down,_ the song from which the inscription on the key ring he'd given her for her birthday was taken. She was completely taken by surprise. He studied her face as he played. She recognized it immediately, though she didn't let on to the others that there was some special meaning in it. His gaze shifted from her and he joined his bandmates in the playing of the final song of the set.

Rickie and Sharon clapped wildly and she beamed with pride. The three of them waited for the crowd to clear before approaching the band.

"Wow! You guys are like, incredible!" Sharon gushed and Rickie agreed.

Jordan and Shane thanked them while Paul and Aaron started packing up. Shane went to help, followed by Rickie and Sharon who offered their assistance as well.

"That really was amazing!" Angela stared up into Jordan's eyes. He simply smiled. "So, I have a couple hours left on my curfew, can we…go somewhere?"

Music to his ears, he didn't hesitate.

"Yeah, I know a place. Right after we drop off the equip..."

He remembered that Sharon and Rickie still had to be dropped off as well.

"What?"

"I gotta take them home too. Sh*t!"

He was annoyed because the added trips would rob them of at least half an hour. He looked over at Shane and thought maybe he could get Shane to take them.

"Shane! I need a favor."

"What's up?"

"Can you take them home?" He motioned to Rickie and Sharon who were breaking down equipment.

"I can fit one. Got too much equipment to fit both of them."

"Yeah and I bet I know which one." Jordan gave him a knowing look and Shane snickered in response. "I'm guessing that there's no point in reminding you that she's off limits."

"You can remind me now, doesn't mean I'm gonna remember later." Shane smiled broadly at Jordan who shook his head in defeat.

"Fine. Whatever."

"Relax, I'm not gonna marry the chick. I'm just giving her a ride."

With his main priority being some alone time with Angela, Jordan concedes. Aaron, overhearing the discussion interjects.

"I can take one of 'em."

"Bro, you sure? I mean, it would really help me out if you could take Rickie."

"Yeah, no worries. I got it and I think the three of us can fit all the equipment in our cars, so just go."

"Cool. I owe you one."

"Nah, really, it's not a problem." He motioned to the door with a tilt of his head. "Go."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Shane, Paul, and Aaron met up at the loft to unload the equipment and then each went their way. Rickie felt like he was inconveniencing Aaron and offered to take the bus home from the loft.

"It's fine. It's not out of my way at all. Don't worry about it."

Aaron was a likable guy, though he was sort of odd-man out having only recently joined the band. Previously, he'd only played with Residue on occasion, when Shane wasn't available or had to cover at the last minute for Joey. It was only a little over month earlier that he'd been offered a permanent spot in the band, playing keyboard.

As they pulled away from the curb, Aaron looked over at Rickie who was staring out the window. Feeling eyes on him, Rickie tried to fill the somewhat uncomfortable silence.

"So, thanks again, for the ride, I mean. I like, really appreciate it."

"No problem. Hey, you hungry? I'm starving. I didn't get a chance to eat before the show. Wanna grab a bite?"

"Um, I guess, I really haven't eaten yet either. You don't mind? I mean, like, a burger at the drive thru would be fine for me. I don't want to be any trouble."

"It's no trouble, but I don't do drive thru's. I worked at Big Guy Burger one summer and ever since then, I'd like, rather starve. Let's just say the special sauce is way more special than it should be sometimes."

He looked at Rickie and laughed. Rickie laughed along, but he was uneasy.

"I know this place, like a few exits away, that makes the best wings. They have hot, freakin' hot, and nuclear." He smiled "You like wings?"

"Um, sure."

_A few exits away? Oh my God, what do I do? Where is he taking me? Okay, don't panic. Everyone saw you leave with him. Angela and Jordan know we're together, so nothing crazy is going to happen._

Aaron made conversation as they drove, asking about how Rickie liked the performance and if he had been following the band for long. He asked Rickie about school, mentioning that he was just out of National Guard boot camp and was attending a local community college. Rickie was only half listening, trying to pay close attention to his surroundings. He tried not to freak out, but he knew how some guys could be with guys like him; guys who wore bright clothes and eyeliner. He was afraid that Aaron might drop him off somewhere out of the way, as a joke or something.

"Hey, you okay?" Aaron glanced at him.

"Yeah, just tired, I guess. It's kind of late."

"Do you have a curfew or something?"

"Um, no, but I mean they, they're expecting me to be home, y'know, at a reasonable time." _I should've said I had a curfew. It's a lie, but still, at least I'd be on my way to Katimsky's instead of some mystery restaurant "a few exits away."_

They were on the highway and already about to exit. Rickie paid attention to the signs, in case he had to call someone to pick him up. All those crazy times with Rayanne were paying off now. His survival instincts were great. He never left the house without at least ten dollars for a cab and a pocket full of change, just in case.

"It's just up ahead."

Rickie saw a neon sign, the only light on an otherwise desolate stretch of road. It said _Hatfield's_. A neon top hat and cane punctuated the sign. Aaron parked and started to get out of the car.

"Rickie?"

Rickie turned to look at him. He was terrified. What place was this? Why had Aaron brought him here rather than just going to a pizza shop or something in Three Rivers?

"Come on, I'm telling you, you're gonna love this place."

Rickie exited the car cautiously, taking in every detail. There was no one standing outside, but he could make out silhouettes in the cars; couples making out.

As they approached the door, Rickie turned to Aaron.

"They're not gonna let me in, I'm underage. You are too."

"Don't worry about it. They'll let you in; they know me."

Aaron led the way to the door, paying the cover for each of them and entered the club. Rickie was stunned. It was like another world. The crowd was made up almost entirely of men. Aaron allowed him a minute to take it all in before saying anything. They made their way to a booth in the back with Aaron saying hello to a few of the patrons as they passed. Rickie remained speechless, taking his seat.

"You okay?" Aaron smiled at him. "I guess you've never been to a place like this before, huh?"

"I never even knew a place like this existed." Rickie surveyed the crowd once more before bringing his eyes to rest on Aaron. "So you're..."

"Gay? Yeah."

"Do the guys…I mean, does Jordan…do they know?"

"Nah, I have no reason to tell them and every reason not to."

A waiter came to the table. He smiled at them, more so at Aaron. "What can I get you boys tonight?"

"I'll have whatever's on tap, an order of wings…hot, and an order of nachos with everything."

"My, my, we have quite the appetite tonight. And what can I get you, handsome?" The waiter looked at Rickie, who was dumbfounded.

"Uh, I'll have, uh..."

The waiter looked at Aaron and smiled, "First time?" Aaron nodded.

Finding his words at last, Rickie placed his order, "I'll have a Coke and an order of nachos."

**A/N: Well there you have it, the end of the longest spring break in history, lol. Remember to review, especially you lurkers. That reminds me, thanks to all of you for reading. This month, I had an amazing number of hits and visitors to this story…very encouraging. Last, but most certainly not least, thanks to GoodnightGirl23 for her awesome beta skills. **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Happy Chanukkah! I thought, in the spirit of the holiday season, I would give you all a little present. Since I don't discriminate, there'll be a posting for Christmas and Kwanzaa as well. You can leave me a little gift as well, in the form of a review. (*smile*)**

Jordan woke up and stared at the ceiling. It was 6:00am.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept past five, and that usually happened only after smoking a little weed, which he hadn't done for quite some time. He lay there thinking about Angela. She was always the first thing he thought about when he got up in the morning. Lately, the next thought was, _"this can't last forever."_ It had plagued him ever since her birthday when they were together at the garage.

Something else had plagued him since that day; a nagging thought in the back of his mind. She'd said something to him that day about the garage being a good enough place for them to have sex for the first time. Her exact words were, "what if I don't want better." He couldn't figure out at the time why it bothered him. Of course, he'd had a hard time thinking about anything in the state they had been in. Lying in bed replaying the conversation, it finally clicked.

'_What if I don't want better?'_ _She's willing to settle. Is that what being with me is doing to her? She makes me better in school and with the band, but she's f*cking up her classes and she's willing to have sex for the first time in the back seat of a f*cked up old car? _

He sat up, feet on the floor, head in his hands as the full weight of his realization began to hit him.

_I'm bringing her down._

As he set about getting ready, he couldn't push the thought out of his mind. He got dressed and left to go pick her up, though he really didn't want to see her right now. The thoughts swirling in his head put him in a foul mood, but he had created this routine of picking her up and taking her home and now it was...expected. He felt obligated.

As he made the turn onto her street, a few blocks from her house, he saw the garbage truck.

_F*cking great!_

He forgot that it was garbage day on her street.

_I swear, this motherf*cker loves making me late. It's like a f*cking game with him._

He stuck his head out the window,

"Yo! Sometime today would be nice!"

The garbage man responded by giving him the finger and deliberately moving even more slowly. This only served to piss him off further. At the next corner, he managed to go around the block and get in front of the garbage truck. By the time he got to her house it was almost eight o'clock; he was running late. Patty was outside struggling to get the garbage to the curb. He parked and went to help her.

"Good morning."

"Morning." He sort of grunted his reply. "Let me get that."

He took the cans from her, one in each hand, and effortlessly placed them out front for collection.

"Thanks. They should've gone out last night. I guess Graham forgot."

Jordan remembered what Chuck had said to him at the birthday party about a man handling his responsibility instead of chasing dreams and thought his assessment of Graham was probably right.

Patty noted the somewhat troubled look on Jordan's face. They talked all the time, but he seemed different today, closed off and hard somehow.

Angela was seated at the kitchen table finishing homework while she waited for Jordan to pick her up. She was thankful that he'd been late because it gave her a chance to finish the last bit of her geometry. When he came through the door with her mom, she knew immediately that something was wrong. Patty shot her a look that directed her out of the kitchen.

"I'll be right back, I left something upstairs."

As he washed his hands, Patty offered to pour him a cup of coffee to go.

"No thanks, I'm good."

"Are you sure? Is something wrong, Jordan? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine"

"You're not fine, but if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. If you decide you want to talk about it later, you can always stop by the shop or call me. Angela doesn't have to know what we talk about. It'll be between us. Okay?"

Jordan simply nodded. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He was feeling almost superstitious, as if saying out loud what he'd been thinking would only hasten it's coming to pass.

_This was a bad idea. I should've called her and told her to take the bus._

Angela came into the kitchen and could feel the tension in the room. It was all coming from him.

"You ready?"

"Yeah." She was confused by the irritation in his voice. She hadn't been the one who had made him late and she hadn't held him up once he arrived at the house. She couldn't imagine what had put him in such a mood.

He walked out without saying another word, leaving Angela with a sick feeling in her stomach. She turned to her mother, hoping to get some insight into the situation.

"What's wrong with him?"

Patty shrugged. "He's not talking, but something is bothering him. I would give him some space, if I were you."

"Mother, it's not like I smother him or something. I mean, God, I'm not gonna like, harass him to talk to me."

"I just meant that you might want to keep your distance today. He's in a really bad mood."

"I know you two have this like, bond or whatever, but I think I know my boyfriend just a little better than you do."

"Watch that tone." Patty's eyes narrowed as she spoke.

"Whatever."

Angela walked through the door and left Patty wondering how they'd gone from allies to enemies in the span of two minutes.

* * *

The ride to school was unusually quiet. She tried to make conversation, asking about their upcoming audition. It was a big deal and if they did well, it would secure them their first paid gig, ever. She knew that anything to do with music or the band would lighten his mood, but it didn't work. She got one word answers and he didn't look at her the whole time. As they pulled into the school parking lot, he asked a strange question.

"What were you doing when I got to your house this morning?"

"Uggh, geometry. I think I'm like, math-challenged or something. My mother said something to me once about it being like, hereditary or something. Y'know, Amy explained it and I still-" He cut her off mid-sentence.

"Did you finish it?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you do it last night?"

She inched over and put her hand on his leg, kissing his ear as she whispered.

"Because, if you remember, I was working on something else last night."

He was stone cold. He didn't offer even the slightest reaction to her touch or her words. He was acting like the old Jordan, distant and cold. She shrunk back into her seat and looked out the window feeling rejected.

"You better go. Bell's about to ring." He was looking straight ahead and made no effort to look at her as he spoke.

"You're not coming in?"

"Just go, you're gonna be late."

She walked into the school amidst the crowd, but feeling completely alone. Even when they argued or were annoyed with each other, they were together and it was only a matter of hours before they were in each other's arms and walking back out of the school hand in hand. She wondered what it meant, the fact that he'd stayed behind. She wanted to look back, but didn't. Instead, she went to their locker to get her books. It felt weird. He always opened the locker for her and passed her books to her. Rarely, was she there alone anymore. It was just what they did, but today she did it alone. As she closed the locker door, Rayanne came bounding up to her.

"Where's your shadow? Rayanne saw the sadness in Angela's eyes. "Hey, what's wrong, Sunshine?" A teary-eyed Angela glanced at her and said nothing.

"Sonofabitch! What did he do?"

"Nothing."

"He did _something._ He's the only one who can make you look that miserable."

"He didn't do anything."

"Whatever, it's okay if you don't want to tell me, I get it. Come on." She grabbed Angela by the hand and dragged her to the bathroom.

"I don't know what happened. He showed up this morning and he was like, different."

"Different how?"

"He was like, far away and really cold. I don't know what I did wrong."

"Why do you think _you_ did something?" Rayanne squinted at her.

"Why else would he act like that? I thought we were okay. I mean things were like, really, really good, right up to last night and then…" Rayanne cut her off

"How good is good? What happened last night? You didn't..."

"No! Rayanne, I don't think I can talk to you about..."

"It's okay, I'm just saying, it wasn't like a hit and run, right? Like he got in your pants and now he's done."

"No, we still haven't exactly..."

"Haven't _exactly?_ What about inexactly?"

"Rayanne, that's _not_ what this is about."

"Okay, it's just, guys are dogs, ya know? I mean, someone like you could really get hurt."

"Someone like me?" She was mildly offended.

"I mean, you know, with your emotions all exposed. It's easy to get hurt."

"I just don't know what's wrong with him. I mean, this morning he like got all like, parental on me. Where did that come from? And when I tried to…" She stopped short, suddenly remembering who she was speaking to.

"Tried to what?"

"Nothing, he just wasn't acting like himself."

"Well, you're not gonna mope all day. Who needs him? Hey, why don't we do your hair again? It looks like it's due for a touch up. Whadya say? New hair always makes a girl feel better. Your house, after school?"

"Tomorrow, okay? I'm supposed to go with him to the loft today to hear some new stuff he's been working on."

"And you're still gonna go?"

"Yeah, I'm hoping he'll snap out of it."

"I think you should blow him off, but hey, I'm no relationship expert, so whatever."

"Thanks, Rayanne."

"No problem, Toots.

* * *

Jordan spent the day going from the car to the bleachers and back to the car. He went to gym and shop, just because those two classes were guaranteed to take him out of his head. Unfortunately, it didn't work; he got taken out of the basketball game in gym because he kept getting called on personal fouls and then he cut his hand nicely with the jigsaw in shop. He retreated to his car where he tried to take a nap. His hand was throbbing and he just felt like crap altogether.

_Why am I even here? Come on, snap out of it. Fine, so it won't last forever, so what? Who cares, live for today, right? That's what I've always done. How is this different? _

He shifted around in the seat, trying to no avail to get comfortable. The incessant throbbing caused him to look down at the makeshift bandage covering his injury and he knew she'd freak out when she saw what he'd done to his hand.

_It's different, cuz it matters. She matters and if she's not with me, I'm not sh*t. But being with me is making her into a f*ck up._

He threw his head back, looked up at the ceiling of the car and closed his eyes. It was the end of the day and he was waiting for Angela to come outside. He wanted to see her and at the same time he didn't. He opened his eyes in time to see her walk out of the building talking to Shane and smiling.

_What the f*ck is that about? _

Shane and Angela had bumped into each other and she told him that she thought something was wrong with Jordan.

"Could you talk to him? He's acting really strange."

"No? Catalano?" Shane replied sarcastically with a smile. "Angela, he's been strange for as long as I've known him. I think it's the whole artistic thing, y'know miserable, tortured." He smiled at her again. "I'm sure he's fine, but I'll talk to him."

"Thanks." She smiled back.

At that moment, Shane saw exactly what Jordan found so appealing in this slightly awkward, skinny, redhead. There was something about her that just cut right through you and that smile was just amazing. It made you feel good about yourself when she smiled at you. He'd been a little jealous of the time that she and Jordan were spending together, but seeing how happy Jordan was with her, he realized that it wasn't a bad thing that they'd ended up together.

They walked over to the car, with Jordan watching as they approached.

_Since when are they friends? They barely even speak to each other. I'll f*cking kill him! _

"Hey man, where you been? Haven't seen you all day. Damn, what the hell happened to your hand?" Shane gestured, pointing to the bandage on Jordan's hand.

"Oh my God, Jordan, you have to have that looked at. You're bleeding!" She reached out to touch his hand and he pulled away.

"It's nothing; I cut my hand in shop."

Jordan could have sworn that the two exchanged a look just then.

"You ready to go?" He sounded irritated again, as if she was holding him up.

"Um, yeah, I guess."

"Well, either you're ready or you're not ready, which is it?" He felt Shane looking at him, but ignored him. "Let's go."

"Bro, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Jordan turned to Angela again and said impatiently, "Let's. Go." He got in on the driver's side and waited for her to get in.

Shane reached over and opened the passenger door for her.

_There it is again. What the f*ck? What the hell are they lookin' at each other like that for?_

"I'll see you later, man." Shane said as he closed the door. Jordan barely replied before pulling out of the space and driving off.

They rode in complete silence. He didn't even have the radio on. Angela knew something was terribly wrong, but she was afraid to confront the issue head on. When he took a turn in the opposite direction from the loft, she decided to test the waters.

"Aren't we going to the loft?"

"Not today."

"Don't you have practice?"

"Look, I said I'm not going. Drop it!"

"I'm…sorry. I wasn't trying to be a nag, I just thought…"

She sat quietly for a few minutes. She didn't really care where they went; she just wanted to pull him out of his mood.

"So, do I get to ask where we're going?"

"Can't you just relax and go along?"

"If you're in a bad mood or something, we don't have to hang out. I'll just go home. You can just drop me off, if you want."

The car comes to an abrupt stop, followed by Jordan reaching across her and opening the car door. He doesn't say a word. Angela is dumbstruck. She gets out of the car and watches him drive off.

Angry tears are stream down her face as she starts the long walk home. _I swear, I hate him. I do._

Jordan circles back around, cigarette in his mouth, driving alongside her.

"Get in the car."

Angela doesn't respond.

"I shouldn't have done that."

"That didn't stop you from doing it."

Jordan felt her reply like a slap in the face. He realized that he was behaving very much like his father. 

"Get in the car. Please?"

"Go to hell!" Jordan is shocked by the fierceness in her response.

"Angela, come on. I was pissed off and I was being stupid. Please? Get in the car." No response.

Jordan parks and gets out of the car, heading her off; he stops her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

Angela looks him straight in the eye and speaks calmly, but with such venom that he's chilled by it.

"Jordan Catalano, you get your hands off me!"

He retreats a little and she starts walking again.

"Ange, come on, just get in the car. You can be mad all you want, just get in the car. Come on, Babe, I'm sorry."

"That seems to be all you know how to say and I'm tired of hearing it." She stops walking. "Fine, you can take me home." Muttering as she walks back to the car, "_I_ shouldn't have to walk just because _you_ want to be an ass."

He opens her door but stops short of touching her.

"Ange, I just have a lot on my mind, okay? I didn't mean to be such and a**hole. I don't know, it's just been a real sh*tty day."

"Whatever. I really don't want to talk to you right now."

They pull up in front of the Chase house and Jordan reaches over to kiss her. She responds by shrinking into the passenger side door.

"You're kidding, right?" She shakes her head in disbelief, throws the door open and slams it without looking back.

Jordan watches her go and slams his hand on the steering wheel in defeat.

"Idiot!"

He's still berating himself when he's startled by a tap on his window. He looks up and Brian gives him a little wave.

"You okay? She looks pretty mad. Not that I was watching, but I live right there, so I um, can't like, help, y'know um, seeing…stuff."

Jordan looks at Brian as if his head hurts.

"What's wrong with me, Brain? Why do I keep messing this up? You know, it's like she's all I want, but I just can't get it right."

"I know the feeling. Um, I mean y'know, not like, being understood or whatever." Terrified that he's just revealed himself, he concentrates on making Jordan feel better. "She'll come around. You have this like…way with her. I'm sure it'll be fine."

Brian hated himself for being Jordan's confidant. He didn't want to admit it, but Jordan seemed sincere and even though Brian would much prefer to be the one Angela had lover's spats with, he really just wanted her to be happy.

* * * * * * *

"Krakow! Hurry up!" Rayanne yelled up the stairs to Brian who was in his room changing his shirt. "We're not going to the Oscars, just throw something on!" She looked around the living room at the contents of the built-in bookcases. Mumbling to herself, "I mean, how long does it take to coordinate your shirt and your pocket protector? Jeez."

"Krakow!" She whined, "Are you ready…" she turned and saw him at the foot of the staircase, causing her to lower her voice, "…yet?"

"Why do you keep showing up at my house?" Brian asked her with genuine curiosity.

"I'm hurt. I thought we had something special, Steve."

"Stop calling me that."

"Hey, 'Steve' was your choice, remember? I think you're more of a...Wesley, or maybe an Andrew, nah, definitely a Wesley."

Brian rolls his eyes.

"So what are we doing tonight that I'm sure to regret tomorrow?" He asked as he locked up the house.

He secretly enjoyed their outings. The last time she had shown up unexpectedly, she'd taken him to check out a local playhouse, though she didn't seem particularly interested in the production they were running. The time before that, they'd attended a demonstration at the University, protesting the lack of US response to the genocide in Rwanda. She had no idea what the protest had been about and really didn't seem to care, but he'd been fascinated by the testimonies and visuals, so much so, that he remembered to bring his camera this time, just in case.

"I was thinking ice cream. I've been dying for a sundae all day. There's something about Wednesdays that always make me want a sundae."

"It's Tuesday."

"It is?"

"Yesterday was Monday and tomorrow is Wednesday, so logically, that would make today Tuesday."

Rayanne just stares at him for a second.

"Wow, Krakow, you're like King of the Geeks. You just made the days of the week into like, the Pythagorean Theorem."

"Like you even know what the Pythagorean Theorem is. You can go get ice cream by yourself. I'm going back inside."

As he turns to walk back up the driveway and into the house, Rayanne grabs hold of his arm.

"No, wait."

She drops her eyes from his and stares at the ground, shifting back and forth on her feet and twirling her hair.

"What?" Brian responds impatiently.

"I'm…sorry."

He's confused by her behavior. One minute she's insulting him and the next she looks like a lost little girl.

"Just come with me. My treat, okay?" She smiles and laughs a little, slapping his arm playfully. "C'mon Krakow."

Brian watches her for a moment, before speaking.

"You're scared to be alone."

"Am not!" She spins around, as if to walk off and then stops. "You comin'?"

"Nope. Not 'til you admit it. You've been showing up at my house because you're afraid to be alone."

She stared at him, eyes narrowed.

"Fine. I'd prefer not to be alone right now."

"Because you're scared." He pushed.

"Sometimes." She turned this way and that, avoiding his eyes. Crossing her arms in front of her, she continued, "Can we just go? I want to get there before all the maraschino cherries are gone. If I don't get a certain amount of red dye #12 every week, I get the shakes."

"You're insane, you know that right?" She smiles at him and he sighs heavily in response. "Come on."

"So, it's Tuesday. Y'know, as far as like, prestige or whatever, I think Tuesday's the saddest day of the week."

Brian simply looks at her baffled

"Think about it. Friday and Saturday are party nights, Sunday is like, religious, Monday is the start of a brand new week, Wednesday is hump day, though I firmly believe one should hump any and every day, and Thursday is pay day, not to mention 'Must See TV' night."

"You have given this way too much thought."

"What? I just thought of it now."

* * * * * *

"Sharon! Sharon, Honey, are you home?"

Sharon was sent into a panic by the sound of her mother's voice.

"Oh my God! You have to get out of here. I didn't think my mom would be home this early."

"Sharon?!" Camille called out a second time, as she approached the basement door.

"Yeah Mom, I'm just cleaning up down here! I'll be right up!"

She straightened her clothing and he straightened his.

"Calm down. It's not like this is new. She's not gonna freak if she see's us together."

"Shhh! That's beside the point. It's like, so obvious what we've been doing. It's a good thing we decided to watch TV down here instead of upstairs. The drop from my window is way too far."

"I am **not** climbing out of your window."

"Sharon?!" Camille called down to her from the upstairs landing. "Come upstairs, please."

"Just a minute!" She turned to him and whispered, "Be glad you don't have to. Hurry up!"

He finished buttoning his shirt and grabbed his jacket.

"Go!" She pushed him towards the door.

"Kiss me." He turned back, arms around her waist.

"What?! No! You have to go! Now!"

"Not 'til you kiss me."

"Fine." She kissed him hurriedly. "Now, would you get out….please?"

"Tomorrow."

"I don't know."

"I'm not really asking."

"Okay, fine. Tomorrow. Meet me here after practice. They're going out and won't be home 'til late…but remember to park down the block."

He kissed her once more as she pushed him out of the cellar door.

_What is wrong with me? Why can't I stop doing this? Every time I say I'll never sleep with him again, I find myself right back here._

* * * * * *

Rayanne reaches across the table, stealing Brian's cherry.

"Hey! Who said you could have that?"

"What, Krakow, you don't want me to take your cherry?"

"I don't really care. I wouldn't eat that anyway. Do you have any idea how many chemicals are in that thing? I just think it'd be nice if you asked first."

"Okay." She stared him in the eye with feigned sincerity, "Brian, we've known each other for awhile now and I'd really, really like to take your cherry." She said the last part of the sentence slowly and seductively and proceeded to fellate the fruit for a moment before taking it completely into her mouth.

Brian first went beet (or cherry) red and then flushed. He hoped the effect of her little demonstration would subside soon; otherwise, it would be nearly impossible to walk home. He tried to take his mind off of what she'd just said by changing the subject.

"So you like, stopped drinking? Like, for real this time?"

"I've been clean for months. Since that night...at Louie's."

"With Jordan Catalano."

"Ye-e-e-s. I would've said it myself if I'd actually wanted hear it."

"Sorry."

"So, do you go to like, AA meetings and stuff?"

"Nah, I have my own meetings."

"Your own meetings? With who?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You're my sponsor."

"I am _not_ your sponsor; I've never even had a real drink. I mean, aside from like, Passover and that doesn't even count, 'cuz it's only like, a sip for like, religious purposes or whatever and sometimes its not even wine, it's just like, grape juice or whatever."

"Are you done?" Brian just looks at her baffled as to how he got roped into this. "A sponsor is basically the person you call when you want to take a drink. That's you. I call you, we talk for awhile and then the urge passes or I come over and you like, distract me."

"Rayanne, I can't be your sponsor."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not an alcoholic. Don't you have to like, be an alcoholic to be the sponsor of one?"

"You know, I've had just about enough of your name-calling, mister."

"What? I'm just saying, shouldn't you have a sponsor who can like relate to what you're going through, like someone with an addiction?"

"Two words, Krakow…Angela Chase." She raised her eyebrows and gave him a very self-satisfied look.

"What's that supposed to mean? I am not addicted to Angela, and that's ridiculous anyway because you can't be addicted to like, a person."

"Oh no?"

"No."

"So, when you wake up in the morning what's the first thing you do?"

_I look across the street to see if I can catch a glimpse of her._

"I'm betting you sit in front of your window, looking at her from across the street. I'm not gonna speculate on what happens next, 'cuz I know morning is a special time for boys."

Brian goes red once more.

"Every morning you sit and watch Catalano pick her up, even though it like, kills you and you do the same thing at night when he brings her home. _And_ even though it's feels like you're awake for your own liver transplant, you can't help but watch them together in his car when he drops her off. Sound familiar?"

Brian wondered for a moment if Rayanne was stalking him.

"You know her class schedule and find reasons to be where she is. If she's not in class, you go through the list of places she could be and even though the boiler room is the first place you think of, it's the last one on your list. Dude, the first step is admitting you have a problem."

"Whatever. I still can't be your sponsor."

"Why not?!" Rayanne was taking more than a little offense at his continued refusal.

"Because I'm not qualified to like, deal with your issues or whatever."

"You're not qualified? Look, it's just like you do for Catalano with the tutoring thing. You help him, right? That's all you're doing, helping me to stay off the sauce. I would think you'd get this concept, you're parents being shrinks and all."

"My parent's don't actually practice; they're academics…why am I arguing with you? This is insane and it's absolutely nothing like tutoring. There's no like, Phonics Manual for this situation."

"Phonics Manual? I have no idea what you're talking about. Fine, you're not qualified, but you've been my sponsor since before Angela's party and I'm still clean. Coincidence? I think not." She sat back arms folded in front of her.

Brian sighs heavily. Amy will kill him if she finds out he's been spending time with Rayanne and he's not sure he wants to risk losing her.

"You're not going to stop coming over and calling, are you?"

"If I do, you know what happened." She had returned to her sundae, licking hot fudge off the back of her spoon.

_Great, guilt. _

"Okay, fine, but there are going to be some rules and you're going to follow them or we're done. Got it?"

"Ooh, Krakow…I love a man who takes charge."

Brian rolls his eyes and knows he's in way over his head.

* * * * * *


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Merry Christmas!!! I hope you guys are having a happy holiday. J Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, and/or subscribed via story alert or author alert, and a BIG thanks to GoodnightGirl23, my trusty beta, without whom much of this would not have been possible.**

* * * * * * *

Patty places a cup of coffee in front of Jordan.

"Black, three sugars, right?" He nods in response.

"Thanks."

"You seem to be feeling better this morning."

"I guess."

"Still don't want to talk about it, huh?"

"Not really."

"Okay."

Patty sat across from him drinking her coffee and noticing how pensive he was. They each take a sip of coffee and sit in the thickness of the silence surrounding them.

"So, how much trouble am I in?" He looks up at her.

"Oh, I'd say big trouble." Patty raised her eyebrows, as if to emphasize how dire his situation is. "She was stomping around last night and she woke up stomping around again. You know, if you just talk to her and tell her what's bothering you, I'm sure everything would be just fine."

He wanted to talk to Patty, to ask her what you do when you find yourself needing someone and then one day they're not there anymore. Instead, he kept quiet. He couldn't shake the fear that the moment he verbalized it, they would be finished and while he believed he was no good for her, he was too selfish to let her go.

"I was fine on my own, y'know. Then she comes along and now I like, can't …and then I just keep thinking…"

_These two are made for each other. She does the same thing_. Patty smiles and places her hand on top of Jordan's, causing him to look up at her again.

"People come into your life for a time. Some stay for the long haul and some don't. You can't obsess over how long this will last. Even when you think something will last forever, because it's supposed to, it might not. Then again, something that was supposed to be short-lived could turn into a lifetime."

Jordan looked confused, he wasn't entirely sure she was talking about his relationship with Angela anymore. Something in her face made him feel like she was talking to herself just as much as she was talking to him.

"The point is, enjoy it while it lasts and stop over-thinking it. Speaking of thinking, if I were you, I'd be thinking of something really great to say or do, because she'll be down any minute and she's really ticked."

"I know. I deserve it."

"Probably. You were in rare form yesterday. I guess it's her turn today."

Just then, Angela walked into the kitchen. She said not a single word. She looked at her mother and then at Jordan and walked right back out the door.

"Ange." Jordan followed her through the front door.

"I'm taking the bus." She didn't bother to look back as she approached the curb.

"I said I was sorry. Don't be like this." She stopped dead in her tracks and as she turned to face him. He winced, knowing from her body language that he was about to get it.

"Don't be like this? What should I be like, Jordan? Should I just sit around and wait for you to decide not to be a jerk? Should I just act like everything is fine when it's not? Tell me, exactly how would you like me to be?"

He stood in front of her completely silent. He didn't know what to say. She was right. He was a jerk and she had every right to be mad.

"What did I expect? Why do I even try?" She started to cross the street.

"Angela, wait, just give me a minute, okay?" She stopped, but didn't turn around.

"I messed up, I know. I'm sorry. It's just that, I kept thinking about…"

She turned to face him, stepping back onto the sidewalk.

"About what?" The edge in her voice made it clear that she was nearly at her end with this conversation.

"About the fact that this can't last forever. I mean we're in high school and one day one of us is gonna walk away."

"O…Kay, I don't understand what you're talking about." She was losing her patience. "Are you breaking up with me?!"

"No! I'm saying that…what I'm trying to say is…" _I just keep thinking that one day this is gonna end and I don't __want__ to think about the fact that it's gonna end, but I can't help it and when I think about it, I get all f*cked up. And_ He took a deep breath as if he was going underwater and expected to be there awhile.

"What the hell is going on with you and Shane?" _Sh*t! Why did I say that? Sh*t! What the f*ck is wrong with me?_

"What???! _Nothing's_ going on with me and Shane and I can't believe that you would think that about me or him! You know what I think? I think you want to break up but you don't have the guts to do it, so you pick a fight instead."

The bus pulls up and she marches across the street. He stands powerless, as the bus pulls away from the curb.

_F*cking great! You did it. Exactly what you __didn't__ want to happen... and with a busload of people watching the whole f*cking thing. _

* * * * * * *

Jordan drives to school alone for the first time in many weeks and finds that it is excruciatingly lonely. When he gets to school, she's nowhere to be found. He makes his way to their locker where Shane is waiting for him.

"Bro, what the f*ck? You were a total a**hole yesterday."

"I know." He reaches in the locker for a notebook, closes the door and realizes he has nothing to write with. "Sh*t."

"And you didn't show for practice."

"I know." He opens the locker again and takes out a pen.

"So? What's the deal?"

"Things _were_ easier before her."

"What are you talking about?"

"This whole thing was a bad idea."

"Dude, what are you saying? That's it? It's over?"

"Not yet."

"Not yet? What the hell does that mean?"

Jordan stays quiet for a few seconds, chewing on this thumb, avoiding Shane's gaze. Finally, he lifts his head to meet his friend's eyes.

"I threw her out of the car on the way home yesterday." Shane looks at him like he's speaking a foreign language.

"Are you serious? After all that whining and moaning like you were gonna f*ckin' die when she wouldn't talk to you?"

"Whatever, doesn't matter. We're done."

"Did _she_ say that?"

"No, but you weren't there. She's done; I can see it in her face."

"No, Dude she's _pissed_. You threw her out of the car; what did you expect?"

"I know. I said I was sorry, like not even a minute after I did it, but she was really pissed off and then when I went to pick her up this morning, she walked away and got on the bus. I'm telling you, she's done."

"Talk to her."

"And say what? I already apologized like, over and over. She doesn't want to hear it."

"Wait, why the hell did you throw her out in the first place? You never said why you did it."

Jordan doesn't respond.

"So, what, now you don't want to talk about it?" Shane's frustration is growing by the minute.

"What was with all the looks between you two yesterday?"

"What the f*ck did you just say to me?" Shane glared at Jordan, hurt to the bone by Jordan's implied accusation.

"The looks were about you being an a**hole. She was worried about you, wanted me to make sure you were okay. God! You are f*ckin' unbelievable, Catalano."

Shane clenched his jaw and spoke through his teeth, trying to suppress the nearly overwhelming urge he was feeling to hit his best friend/brother square in the face.

"You better not ever come at me with some bullsh*t like that again."

Shane looked Jordan directly in the eye with barely any room between them he spoke again.

"_You _act like a total dick and then you try to put it on _me and her_?" He turns away and then back again. Jordan just stands mute, looking guilty.

It wasn't that Shane expected a response. He knew the drill by now. Jordan would do what he always did when confronted; he'd withdraw. Still, Jordan's unresponsiveness infuriated him.

"So, let me get this straight, I'm f*ckin' your girl 'cuz you saw me look at her? Does that make any f*ckin' sense to you?"

Shane snickered, turning away from Jordan, who winced at harshness of Shane's words, as if _"f*cking"_ and Angela don't belong in the same sentence. Somehow, something so raw just doesn't fit with the idea of her.

"Un-f*cking-believable!" He looks back over his shoulder. "By the way, that whole tortured, quiet, _I-don't-wanna-talk about it_ bullsh*t, is getting old. I'm goin' to class 'cuz if I stand here much longer I'm gonna have to kick your ass."

"Whatever." Jordan mumbles under his breath as the distance between he and Shane grows.

Not quite out of earshot, Shane turns back, intent of giving Jordan the fight he seems to be looking for but thinks better of it when he sees his friend leaned up against the locker bank, head hung in defeat. He decides that a more fitting punishment for Jordan's transgression is to suffer with what he's done rather than put him out of his misery with the distraction of a fight.

* * * * * *

She entered the building with a bounce in her step. Rayanne was in a particularly good mood this morning, knowing that she would be hanging out with Angela and Rickie later. _Just like the old days, before Catalano and Delia Fischer. Something's up with that whole situation. Suddenly, Delia is missing in action and Enrique is available again. Hmmm. Very…fishy. _She chuckled to herself_._

Rayanne walks into the girls' bathroom and sees Angela exiting a stall. "Good morning, Angelfood."

"If you say so."

"Again? Or is it still?" Rayanne rolls her eyes. "The Boy Blunder strikes again?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." She changed the subject, not really wanting to talk about Jordan anyway. "So, I'm going to get the dye right after school and me and Rickie will meet you at your house, okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Whatever."

"Your panties are really, really twisted over this, huh?"

"I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it!"

Rayanne had never seen her so pissed off. Hurt, yes. Sad, yes, but fury, that was new.

"Okay, alright! I'm just saying, usually you're all mopey over whatever Bonehead did wrong, but today you're like, all fired up."

"So?"

"So, I think you turned some kinda corner or something. Like you don't see yourself as lucky to be with him, like maybe you finally see yourself as equal with him."

Angela just stared at her.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm better than fine. You're right. All this time I've been feeling lucky that he wants to be with me, but _he_ should be the one feeling that way. All the crap I've put up with."

"There you go." Rayanne wasn't deliberately trying to stir the pot, but she'd always felt like Jordan took Angela for granted and she let him.

"I gotta go to Geometry. I'll see you at my house later."

"Later."

* * * * * *

_Oh, this day just gets better and better. _

Rayanne had spotted Rickie at his locker, talking with Brian who, upon seeing her, made a hasty exit. He knew that their new arrangement would not spare him from public humiliation at her hands.

"So, Vasquez, where's your girlfriend?" Rayanne knew something was up between Rickie and Delia and she meant to find out what that something was. They'd been back to school for nearly a week and she hadn't seen them together once and Rickie seemed to be hiding and disappearing all the time.

"What are you talking about Rayanne?" He glanced at her as he exchanged books in his locker.

"Delia Fischer." She shuddered in an exaggerated fashion, as if the mere mention of Delia's name sent a chill down her spine.

"I couldn't tell you." He tried to sound unaffected as the conversation he'd spent more than a week dreading began to unfold.

"Because…." She persisted.

"Because I don't _know_ where she is."

"I thought you two were an item. Shouldn't you know where your girlfriend is? I mean, I bet Krakow can tell you where what's-her-face is and I _know _Catalano like, chemically senses when Angela enters the building, so how come you don't know where yo' woman is?"

"Fine, you want me to say it?! You-were-right! Okay? Satisfied!" Rickie closed his bag, slammed the locker and walked away.

"Whoa, whoa, what are you taking about?" She chased after him. "Rickie, slow down. Right about what?"

He turned to face her.

"I wanted to be normal, okay? I wanted to be like everyone else. To be someone's someone, to have someone who wants me, only she doesn't want _me_, she wants me to be someone else and I can't do that because…because I can't. So, there you go. You got your wish, Rayanne. Delia Fischer is no more and I am here at your disposal once again. Happy?"

"No, I'm not happy. And who says you're not normal? What's normal anyway? Two point five kids, a white picket fence and that oh so fresh feeling? Who lives like that? I mean except for Angela. You're Rickie Vasquez, Master of Make up, Sultan of Style, Queen of … well, just The Queen. Who cares if you'd rather date a quarterback than a cheerleader? Delia Fischer was too…perky, like one of those annoying Pomeranians or something, yappin' all the time. Good riddance."

"I love you too, Rayanne." He hugged her, reminded of why they had become friends in the first place.

"Enough, we're running out of time." She took his hand and dragged him down the hall with her.

"Time for what? Where are we going? I have Soc."

"Tino's in the parking lot. He says he'll take us to Big Guy Burger if we can get outside before he leaves. C'mon"

"Uh, can we go somewhere other than Big Guy Burger? I don't do drive thrus."

"Since when?"

Rickie smiled to himself.

"Where could we get some wings around here?"

* * * * * *

Jordan sat in the car waiting for her to come out of the building. He had only seen her once today, in Katimsky's class, but she wouldn't look at him and she left as soon as the bell rang. She hadn't been to the locker all day. She was avoiding him. He'd had a dull ache in his chest all day. He wanted to shout or cry or do something to feel better, but he couldn't.

He sat thinking of what he could say or do to get her to forgive him.

_Again…forgive me, again. She's right. All I know how to do is f*ck up. Maybe it's in my blood. Anthony's the same way, Paul too…everything they touch. I thought I was different, but maybe I'm not. _

That last thought scared him half to death. Being like his father and uncle was the last thing he wanted. To bully and intimidate people, bend them, hell, break them for your purposes or even just for your amusement. It scared him that he could treat her that way and not feel badly about it until it went too far.

_But I'd never like, hit her or anything. Would I? I didn't think I would ever treat her like I did yesterday either. Maybe it's better this way. It was gonna end anyway, might as well be now, right?_

The ache in his chest deepened_. _As he sat there waiting for her, he remembered the night they had gotten back together. She'd made him promise that he would talk to her, even if he didn't know what to say and her mother had said that if he talked to her, things would likely be fine. He tried to convince himself that it was true and that if he could just get his thoughts out in some coherent way, they could come through this okay. Just when he had made a decision to bite the bullet and tell her what was going on in his head, he heard a little voice from way down inside him telling him that he if he really cared about her he should just do the right thing and let her go. He was no good for her and she would be better off without him. He continued to argue with himself when Joey approached the car.

"Catalano!" Joey called out to him as he approached, pulling him out of his head.

Jordan was genuinely happy to see Joey, despite his mood. He was happy for anything that could distract him from the current situation. After he'd sent Joey packing from the band, no one had seen much of him. They'd heard through the grapevine that he was getting deeper and deeper into the drug scene and he hadn't been to school in weeks. Jordan was worried about him, but decided that there was nothing he could do.

"Hey, Bro where you been?" Jordan got out the car to greet his friend.

"Like you give a f*ck." Jordan stepped back. "I just came by 'cuz I want my kit."

"Look Joey, that was business. I had to do it, but me and Shane, we looked for you after to make sure everything was cool and you like, disappeared."

"That was _business_? Who the f*ck are _you_? You think you're somebody because you're the lead of a nothing band in a nothing town, playing nothing gigs."

School had been dismissed and people were starting to fill the parking lot, but neither of them noticed.

"Joey, man, I'm not in the mood for your sh*t. You want your kit, come by tonight and get it. What are you gonna do with it, anyway? Sell it?"

Jordan could see that Joey was strung out. He was a mess. He was pale and he looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks. It looked to Jordan like he was tweaked even as he stood there.

"Why the f*ck do you care what I do with it? I'm damn sure not gonna leave it for your bitch to play."

Shane and Angela exited the building together. Shane needed to check in with her about flyers for their next gig. They had just finished going over the details when they noticed people converging around Jordan's car.

"What's going on?" She asked Shane

"I dunno."

"Is that Joey?" She asked.

"Oh sh*t!" Shane saw the look on Jordan's face. "This is not good. Come on!" He grabbed Angela by the hand and pulled her along trying to get through the crowd.

"What's going on?" She followed, not fully understanding Shane's sense of urgency.

"Walk away, Joey." Jordan stepped back two paces and turned his back, walking toward his car, jaw clenched.

"F*ck you, Catalano! You don't tell me what to do. You ain't sh*t and you never will be."

The crowd around them grew denser.

"Last chance, Joey. Walk away." He placed his hands on the car's hood, keeping his back to Joey, hoping Joey would heed his advice.

"When your little girlfriend figures out that you're as much of a loser as the rest of us, she's gonna leave you…just like your mother did."

That was it. Jordan lost it. Shane and Angela made it through the crowd just in time to hear Joey's last remark. It was as if someone had taken a match to a powder keg. Joey had crossed the one line that there was no going back from. Jordan turned and hit Joey in the mouth. Joey didn't feel it and took the punch as if it were nothing. They were going blow for blow when Shane got to them. Jordan had Joey stumbling, but he was so tweaked he didn't have the good sense to back down. When he came at Jordan again, Jordan laid him out.

Shane grabbed Jordan from behind in an attempt to break up the fight, but Jordan, not knowing it was Shane, turned and hit him too. Meanwhile, Joey was attempting to get up for more. Knowing this could only end badly, Shane tried to get between them without getting hit again in the process.

"Stay the f*ck down, Joey!" Shane was trying to get Jordan under control, but he was having a hard time holding Jordan back.

"Bro! He's down!" Shane shook him, "Jay, listen to me! He's down!"

Jordan looked at his former friend on the ground, trying to get up. A few of the other guys they hung out with made it through the crowd and grabbed hold of Joey.

Angela stood transfixed; hand over her mouth, eyes wide. She'd never seen him like this; he was enraged. She'd always known him to be non-confrontational; he hated arguing and avoided fights wherever he could. She never imagined that this was what lay beneath his cool exterior and she'd had no idea that his mother had abandoned him or if what Joey said was even true, but it had clearly struck a nerve.

"I will f*ckin' _kill_ you if you _ever_ say another word about Angela or my mother. You got me?"

Jordan spit blood from his broken lip onto the ground next to Joey, as if to curse him.

He was suddenly aware of the crowd, but among the sea of faces, he saw only one. He was embarrassed and ashamed and didn't want her to look at him. He broke free of Shane's grip, cut through the crowd to his car, got in, and took off.

Angela called after him, but he didn't stop.

"Let him go." Shane took his jacket from her.

She stood there unable to speak, staring after the red convertible.

"Angela." Shane nudged her a little, "Don't worry, he'll be fine. Come on, I'll give you a ride." Angela felt like she was on autopilot. She followed Shane, mindlessly. She couldn't get the image of Jordan pummeling Joey out of her mind. He was like an animal.

"Listen, he's probably gonna be MIA for a few days, so you shouldn't like, freak out if you don't see him for awhile." Shane had his eyes on the road and didn't notice that Angela was off in another world.

"What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I was just saying that he's probably not gonna be around for a few days. The last time he flipped out, I didn't see him for almost a week and he practically lived with us at the time."

"The last time? This happened before?"

"A long time ago…grade school. I think we were in like, sixth grade or something and a kid said something about him not having a mother and having to share mine and that was it. He went psycho."

"So, it's true? About his mother?"

"I've known Jay since we were like, three years old and he never talks about her. All I know is that she left. I don't know why or when, but if you were married to a guy like Anthony, you'd probably leave too."

"He's that bad?" Shane raises an eyebrow in response to her question. "But she left her son. I mean, even if his father was awful, why would she leave him behind?"

"I'm pretty sure that he's been asking himself the same thing his whole life. I mean it's not like, something you just get over, y'know?"

"So you guys are really close then?"

"Like brothers, my mom basically raised him." Shane laughs to himself. "We were in the second grade before people realized that we weren't really brothers. For awhile, they called us 'the Donnelly boys' and he just never bothered to correct them."

"Wow, I had no idea."

"Don't tell him that I told you any of this, he'd kill me. Serious. I shouldn't have, but…"

"What?"

"Well, you were all worried and he's been acting kinda crazy, so I figured you sorta had a right to know."

"That's what I was trying to tell you yesterday. He showed up at my house yesterday morning already in a mood and then on the way home…"

"He told me."

"I just don't get it. We were fine one minute and the next he was…"

"Cold?"

"Yes! Exactly!" Thankful that someone on this earth actually understood what she was talking about and could possibly give her some insight into the mystery that was Jordan Catalano.

"That's what he does. Since we were kids. When he can't deal, he just shuts down."

"I know, I've seen _that_ before, but this was different. He was…mean."

Shane sighs, struggling with how much to tell her. Part of him wants to spill it and just tell her the whole deal with Anthony and everything, but it feels like a betrayal, the kind that ends friendships.

"I know that sometimes he's like, impossible to understand and you probably just want to give up on him, but he's a good guy. How he gets, it doesn't have anything to do with you. You just got in the line of fire. If you really want to be with him, you're gonna have to learn how to deal with his moods." They arrive at the house.

"You should put some ice on that eye. It's really starting to swell. Come in and I'll make you an ice pack to take with you."

Given Jordan's earlier accusation, he feels like he shouldn't go inside, but his curiosity gets the better of him.

"Thanks." He shuts down the engine and follows her inside.

"Sit." She motions to a chair at the kitchen table. As she is preparing the ice pack at the kitchen sink, she hears the front door open and close.

"Who's car is that outside?" Angela sighs, knowing that Danielle will ask a million annoying questions, all of which will only serve to embarrass her.

Danielle walks into the kitchen and immediately focuses on Shane.

"Who are you and what happened to your face?"

"Danielle, get out."

"I don't have to." She looks at Shane, sizing him up and then turns to Angela, "Where's Jordan? Did you dump him?" She looks back at Shane, "Is that why your face looks like that? Did he beat you up?"

"Danielle! I said get out!" Angela pushes her out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"I hate you!" She yells from the living room

"I hate you more." Angela yells back, "Sorry. I wanted a dog, but my parents had her instead."

Shane laughs, thinking about his little brothers.

"Let me see." She looks at his eye. "Well, at least it's not cut or anything. Here, put this on it." She hands him the ice pack.

"Thanks." He winces as he applies the cold compress. "I better get goin'. Thanks for the ice pack."

Angela walks him to the door. Shane steps out onto the porch.

"See ya."

"Thanks for the ride…and everything."

"Hang in there. He's just gotta work out some stuff in his crazy head. Trust me, he'll come around." Shane shrugs his shoulders, "He has no choice. Couldn't stay away if he tried."

"Thanks, Shane"

"Later."

"Bye."


	17. Chapter 17

Hearing the doorbell ring, Angela made her way to the front door, hoping Jordan would be standing on the other side, though she didn't really believe he would be. Still, she bit her lip and reached for the doorknob, hoping.

"Angelika! No fear, we're here to cheer you up." Rayanne pushed past Angela and into the living room brandishing a box of Crimson Glow hair dye.

Rickie put a hand out to Angela who grabbed hold and led him into the living room as she looked at him with worry-filled eyes.

"Hi guys. I forgot that we were meeting up today."

"Too much excitement, huh?"

Rayanne walked into the kitchen and straight to the fridge, looking for something to eat.

"Yeah, I guess you heard."

"Heard? We were there, Angel Face, ringside. Saw the whole thing."

Rickie shot Rayanne a dirty look.

"Are you okay, Angela? It was kind of scary." He hugged her.

"I'm okay, I guess. It _was_ scary but..." Angela was leaning against the kitchen counter shaking her head as if trying to understand a very complex problem. "God, I really think something is wrong with me. I mean, what kind of person..."

Rayanne looked up at Angela from the bowl of grapes she was sharing with Rickie.

"What, you got all hot and bothered? That's normal, Angel Food." She popped another grape into her mouth.

"This is _not_ normal." Angela sort of snickered as she spoke, shaking her head once more.

"Listen, you think _you're _hot and bothered. I had to fan poor Rickie here, all the way to the store and back, he was so heated. Look at him. He's still flushed." She pointed her thumb at him.

"I hate you." Rickie replies flatly.

"No, you don't." Rayanne responds matter-of-factly.

"No, I don't." He relents, taking a grape from the bowl.

"That's what I said." She looks at him for a second and then back at Angela.

"It's totally normal. There's something really hot about a man who can handle himself."

"That is true." Rickie agrees. His eyes somewhat glazed over, he reaches for another grape.

"Anyway, it's like, primal, y'know?" Both Angela and Rickie look at her quizzically.

"What are you talking about?" Rickie asks, though he's not entirely sure he wants to hear the answer.

"Y'know, like a basic need. Primal." She was waved her hands as she spoke, to emphasize her point. "Food, sleep, sex they give you urges. Reduce you to like…a cave dweller." She pops another grape into her mouth, punctuating her sentence. "You're all hot 'cuz on some primitive level, Catalano just proved he could like, save you from a T-rex or something. Y'know, like Darwin, survival of the fittest."

"That was _the_ most frightening science lesson like, _ever_." Rickie looked at Angela, reassuringly.

"It's true. Angelika, you're body like, recognizes that if you were back in prehistoric times, Catalano would be a good mate. Of course, now that the rest of us can walk upright and use tools, he's at a bit of a disadvantage."

"Rayanne! God, this is _not_funny. I'm really worried about him."

Angela turned away from her friends and looked out of the window as if merely wishing for him to appear would produce the real thing.

"I know. He's just embarrassed, Doll, that's all. He'll get over it and you'll be pawing each other again in no time. Scout's honor." Rayanne crossed her heart and put up two fingers to signify her promise.

"Rayanne, you were never a girl scout."

"For your information, Rickie," She rolled her eyes dramatically, "that's the _boy_ scout symbol."

"Well, that just proves my point. You _definitely_ weren't a boy scout."

"I never said I was, but I'll let you in on a little secret," She whispers for effect, "there's a merit badge that no one talks about, I have like 4 of 'em." She winks at him. Resuming her normal tone of voice, she turns back to Angela, "Now, back to these primal urges you're having..."

* * * * * * * *

Jordan sits by a window smoking a cigarette, playing his guitar, watching the sun come up. He finds peace in the music, but there's a part of him that won't be pacified. He dreamt of her last night. The dream had ended in her telling him that she hated him and never wanted to see him again. He pushes down the ball of trapped emotions that has formed in this chest at the memory of it, trying to regain some semblance of his former self.

_It's better this way, before it gets to that point...before she hates me, if she doesn't already. Besides, I got a lot going on. The band, the garage, the guys. There's no room for some girl hanging around all the time. I should be able to do what I want, when I want and not have to worry about her. _

He thinks that maybe if he says it enough times, he might actually start to believe it_. _

* * *

Angela went through the entire day worried and distracted. She went to their locker after every class, hoping to find a note or some evidence that he'd made it to school. When the final bell rang, it was clear that she probably wouldn't be seeing him today. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, given their last conversation. Should she call his house? Go over there? Talk to Shane again?

_It's only been a day. Shane said he disappeared for a week last time. I don't think I can go another six days like this. _

"Hello? Anybody in there?" Sharon's voice broke her train of thought.

"Sorry."

"Are you still worried about Jordan?" Angela nods.

"We talked about this. I'm sure he's fine. You've got to stop worrying."

She knew, despite what her friends told her, that his absence wasn't about being seen with a busted lip or black eye, or fear of Foster and whatever sanctions the fight might bring. It was what Joey had said, what he thought was going on between her and Shane, it was anything but vanity and fear.

"I just came by to offer you a ride. My mom's picking me up in about half an hour and I figured we could spare you the bus ride."

"Thanks. That would be good."

Angela listened to Sharon go on about something to do with cheerleading, though had she been quizzed, she'd have been hard pressed to summarize the girl's ramblings. When they pulled up to her house, she said the requisite 'thank yous' and 'goodbyes' and exited the car.

Across the street, Brian watched her trudge up the walkway.

"Chase!"

"Not now Brian. Later, okay?"

"I just wanted to tell you something about Jordan Catalano."

"What is it Brian?" She approached him, looking tired and worn. He hated to see her like this. He almost wished he knew where Jordan was, so that he could relieve her suffering…almost.

"The other day, when you were like, really mad, he said he was sorry about whatever he did to upset you. I spoke to him when you went inside and he felt really bad."

"Thanks. I appreciate that. You didn't have to tell me."

"I just figure, you should like, know or whatever."

"You didn't happen to see him come by today, did you?"

"No, but I'm sure he'll be by." _He always comes by._

"I wish I could be as sure as you."

"Well, it's not like he's never coming back."

The words cut her like a knife

"Of course, he's coming back, Krakow. Why would you even say that?"

"I _said_ it's not like he's _never_ coming back, I didn't say-, forget it." He sighed heavily and shook his head.

"I just don't know why you even had to bring that up. Of course, he's coming back. Where would he go?" Her thoughts were completely contrary to her words. _He has a car, money, and nothing to keep him here._

"Calm down, Chase."

"Don't talk to me like I'm some hysterical person. You're the one who said it."

She turned away and headed across the street to her house.

"Well, at least she's still got some fight in her." Brian tried to rationalize that her snipe was evidence that she wasn't completely broken.

* * *

Brian sat at the dining room table, waiting for just the right time to ask his question. Years of being passively and actively analyzed had taught him that there was a right time and a wrong time to ask a question when seated at the Krakow table.

"Well, I have to say dear, I disagree. The work coming out of Germany is groundbreaking. Much more relevant than anything we've seen here with regard to the topic."

"Oh, you think everything out of Germany is groundbreaking. Freud's been dead for many years Bob, really, you've got to move on." His wife's response brings a chuckle from Bob Krakow.

"Can I ask you guys a question, like professionally?"

"_Like_ professionally or professionally?" Corrected his mother.

"Professionally." Brian conceded

"Of course, what's on your mind?" His father asked.

"I'm working on this honors assignment for my psych class and I selected alcoholism among adolescents as a topic to work on over the summer. I have to write a thesis and submit it in the fall."

"Excellent, sounds very interesting." Bob nodded his approval of his progeny's academic pursuits.

"Yeah, I'm planning on doing some observational research. Attend a few 12-step meetings, stuff like that."

"Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm. Go ahead."

"I was just wondering though, in your lik-, in your professional opinion, do self-help groups actually work?"

"Social support is a tremendous predictor of success for a variety of health outcomes." Bernice chimed in.

"Yes, but it's not the cure-all as many have been led to believe." Bob added.

"Well, _of course not_, but there _is _evidence to suggest..." Bernice countered and Brian cut her off, knowing that this would turn into a debate between the two and it could take far longer than he had to get back to the point at hand.

"I was thinking that maybe, if a kid was like, involved, like in some sort of activity, it might be a distraction and that could maybe, help."

"Well, we know that sort of thing works in preventing teen pregnancy, but I don't know that it would be effective in the case of substance abuse." His father scoffed at his mother's comment.

'_Substance abuse.' God, what did I get myself into?_

"Now, Bob, I know you don't put much stock into behavior modification, but I think it would be an interesting approach. Brian, in 12-step programs like AA or NA, part of addressing the problem is addressing the behavior. 'People, places and things,' they call it. Recovering addicts attempt to remove from their daily routine the people, places and things they associate with drinking. There's some good logic to that. Disrupt the habit and it throws the behavior off."

"Bernice, honestly, do hear how ridiculous that sounds? Addiction is an illness not a behavior like, like, nail-biting." Bob motioned toward Brian who was suddenly made very aware of the hangnail he'd be gnawing on during this discussion.

"Cohen has suggested that a change of setting and new support systems is associated with longer periods of sobriety."

"Well, Allessio has refuted that claim repeatedly and posits that long-term psychotherapy accompanied by an anti-depressant regimen is more effective."

"Ha! You said _more _effective, suggesting that there _is_ some validity to Cohen's work."

Brian jumped in again.

"So, something like, maybe participating in extracurricular activities, or getting a job, that would maybe work?"

"Son, I can give you some articles to look up in several well-respected _psychiatry_ journals and you'll see what I'm talking about." His father offered.

"And I can give you a page of references attesting to the opposite opinion." His mother added.

"Okay, um, thanks. I'm, uh, finished. I'll just be upstairs working on my homework."

"Okay, dear."

As Brian carried his plate into the kitchen, he could hear his parents still debating.

_This is going to go on for days. At least I don't have to do the research on my own. They're going to be one-upping each other for weeks, giving me articles to read. _

* * *

Patty was just settling into bed for the night when she heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Hey, what are you doing up? I thought you'd be asleep by now."

"No, actually I've been up for awhile." _You hoped I'd be asleep is really what you mean._

"Something wrong?" He asked imagining what she was really thinking. _Yes, Graham. You're a lying sack of sh*t. That's what's wrong._

"I got a call, actually several calls, from Danielle's guidance counselor."

"Hmmm." He set about his bedtime ritual as Patty began to tell him what was going on with their youngest child.

"We've been playing phone tag, but from his messages, it seems that our Danielle has been a little mouthy lately and several of her teachers are concerned."

"Is that the English guy who keeps leaving messages on the machine?"

"Yes, Mr. Colleymore. He has the worst timing. He manages to call after I've left the house, before I reach the shop, after I've left for the day and before I get home. You think he'd have figured out that those times don't work."

"Hmm, I thought you were interviewing for a manservant." He chuckled.

"Right, a manservant and an upstairs maid."

"So, did you speak with her?"

"Who?" She was momentarily distracted, watching Graham get undressed and into the shower.

"Danielle."

Patti made her way to the bathroom and leaned against the sink as she responded.

"Right, um, y'know, if I've learned anything in dealing with Angela, it's that the direct approach isn't always best. They shut down, especially with me."

"Oh, Honey, that's not true. It's not you, they're teenagers. That's what teenagers do." Graham reassured her.

"You don't have to try to make me feel better. I don't like it, but the fact is that the mother is the mortal enemy of a teenage girl. I'm told that they come back around, once they get out of college. So, only what, six years to go with Angela? Yay." She waved imaginary pom-poms in the air as she spoke.

Graham exits the shower and wraps a towel around himself and his arms around her, comforting her. She's struck by the fact that at 40, Graham is even more attractive than he had been as a younger man and he was still in pretty good shape. _ Do I find him more attractive now because I know he's attractive to other women? _

"So what do we do? We can't just let it go, can we?" He finished drying off and threw on a t-shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms.

"Something's bothering her. We both know Danielle has always had a mouth, but she's never really been defiant or intentionally disrespectful. We have to find out what's bothering her and deal with that." Patti slipped under the comforter and propped herself up on several pillows.

"How about I take her with me to the restaurant this Saturday and have her help out? Maybe I can get her to talk about whatever it is while we prep for lunch."

"I was hoping you'd say that. She gets so excited when you invite her down to the restaurant. They're such daddy's girls, both of them."

"Not Angela. Not anymore, anyway." Patty could hear the hurt in his voice.

"Aw, Graham, she's just growing up. She's still your little girl, way down inside. She always will be."

As Graham snickers, Patty thinks to herself that this is the first time in weeks they've had a full conversation where Graham was completely engaged. Every other conversation, about the house, the bills, her business, the Cherski's, Neal and Marla, all of it has been met with various forms of disconnected grunts, sighs, nods and hmmms. Despite the sick feeling in her stomach, she chose to enjoy this moment, remembering for a second the conversation she'd had earlier in the week with Jordan. _Stop over thinking it; enjoy the moment._

* * *

"Enrique!" Mr. Katimsky called out to him as he passed by.

"Hey Mr. K, what's up?"

"I just saw Delia and well, gee whiz, she just looks heart-broken. Have you ah, spoken with her yet?"

"I-I'm going to. I've just been so busy, y'know?"

"Delaying it will only, make it…uh, worse."

"I'm going to talk to her. I promise." Rickie backs down the corridor as he speaks.

He continues on his way to the cafeteria, where he finds Angela picking over her food, sulking. Sharon and Rayanne are trying to distract her, but she's not playing along.

"It's been two days now. He hasn't been to school; he's not picking up the phone. I'm worried. What if he was really hurt after that fight?"

"Looked to me like we should be worried about Joey." Rayanne snickered. "Catalano worked him over pretty good."

"He had that nasty cut on his hand and his face was bleeding. What if he broke something?"

Rayanne rolled her eyes, which brought a severe look from Sharon..

"Angela, he's probably fine. That's how guys are. We call all our friends and talk about what's pissing us off; they hit stuff and keep quiet. He'll probably be back in school on Monday."

"Monday? I can't wait to hear from him until Monday, they have a show on Saturday and no one's heard from him."

"Not even Shane?" Rayanne asked.

"That's my point; he hasn't even talked to Shane. I'm pretty sure he's not going to call me; he probably thinks I'm still mad at him. I don't know what to do."

"Angela, you just have to wait it out. You know he would never miss a show, so we'll just go and you'll see him and it'll all be fine." Sharon assured her.

* * *

"Rickie, there's Delia. Go talk to her." Angela nudged him a little.

"I'm going to. I just really need to get to– " He couldn't finish the sentence. He knew anything he said would be a lie.

"Just go. However, it turns out, isn't it better to be done with it?'

"I guess. I just don't know what to say." Delia was trying not to look at them and she was failing miserably.

Rickie turned to face her and took several small steps toward her. She did the same.

"Hi."

"Hi."

After a couple of seconds of painfully awkward silence, they spoke in unison.

"I-, you go-, could we-"

This brought a strained chuckle from the pair. Rickie raised a hand to indicate that she should go first.

"Could we like, talk for a minute?"

"Sure."

"No one's in the newspaper office."

"Okay."

He followed her down the hall and into the office.

"Look, I don't blame you for being angry with me. I was way wrong. It's just that, I guess, I hoped that, with all the time we'd been spending together, that maybe it stopped being about whether I was a guy or girl and was about the fact that we get along so well and like being together."

"It _was_ about that…just that. When you kissed me, Delia, you changed that. _You_ made it about you being a girl and me being a guy."

She hung her head. His use of the past tense told her everything she needed to know about their relationship.

"I'm as much to blame, if not more. I knew you liked me and I liked the attention. I liked being your someone, but that's not fair to you."

She turned away from him. He walked up behind her. Taking her by the shoulders again and turning her towards him.

"You were feeling hurt because of what Brian did, but it was wrong for you to hide from that by being with me and it was wrong for me to let you do that. I know you like, hate Brian because he hurt you, but at least he was honest with you about how he felt. I should've been honest too, I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. I'm the one who crossed the line." She finally spoke, believing it necessary to take responsibility for what she'd done, despite her belief that it wouldn't save their friendship.

"We both did." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I think we both need to stop hiding from whoever might be out there for us." She nodded in response.

"Stupid question, but, are we still friends?" She risked a glance at him.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm not going to lie, I don't see us the way I did, but I also know that you didn't do it to hurt me. I think we just need some time to figure out how to be friends instead of this weird make-believe couple thing that we've been." He smiled, wrapped his arms around her and hugged her.

"I-I should get to class." Her voice was strained and caught a little in her throat.

"Yeah, me too." He let go and stepped back, watching her gather her things and race out the door, knowing things would never be the same between them.

* * *

Rickie sat at the dining room table, finishing dinner, only half listening to the conversation between Mr. Katimsky and Jonathan.

"...he's improved so much these last few months, it's quite, ah…astonishing, really. I haven't seen him in a few days, which wasn't uh, unusual in the past, but…lately…well, he's been in class every day."

"Well, Richard, did you mention it to anyone? Who knows what this boy is dealing with."

Rickie was all ears now. They were talking about Jordan Catalano and he knew it was a matter of minutes before he got drawn into the conversation. He got up to clear his place and Jonathan place a hand on his arm, stopping him.

"Rickie, Honey, you don't have to clean up after every meal. We take turns, remember?"

"Thanks Jonathan, but it's no trouble. I'm heading to the kitchen anyway."

"Enrique? Is something uh, wrong?"

"No, I'm fine, Mr. K." He offered a tight smile.

"Okay, you just seem a little…uncomfortable."

"Richard, leave the boy alone. It must be so strange to have your classmates be the topic of dinner conversation, especially when the person doing the talking is your English teacher, who you happen to live with. Rickie, just put those on the counter in the kitchen. Richard and I will clean up."

"I was going to go over to Brian's for a little while, is that okay?"

"I, uh, I guess so. Don't be out too late."

"Thanks, see you later."

* * *

Jordan hadn't been to school in two days. Angela called him a few times, but got no answer. Shane said he hadn't heard from him either, but Rickie had a good idea where he was. He made his way to the warehouse on Tennessee; the one Jordan had taken him to some months earlier. Though the cops had cleared it out back then, it was just a matter of weeks before kids started squatting there again. As he exited the bus, he scanned the surrounding streets for the signature red car, but didn't find it. Rickie knew in his heart, this was where Jordan had been hiding out. Room by room, he searched. There were throwaway kids everywhere. Thankfully, it was April, not December, so there was just a slight chill in the air. There were a few fires going, but mostly kids were just wrapped up in their coats. Finally, Rickie spotted him sitting in a corner, smoking a cigarette and drinking something brown out of a much too large liquor bottle.

"Hey."

Jordan looks up a little surprised and then a look of absolute terror crosses his face as he scans the space behind Rickie.

"Don't worry, she's not with me."

Jordan is immediately relieved and relaxes. "What are_ you_ doin' here? I thought you lived with Katimsky now."

"You know about that?"

"Yeah, heard it somewhere, maybe Brain,"

"Oh. Yeah, well, I'm kind of trying to keep it quiet, y'know?" Jordan nods. "Can't go home?" Rickie continued.

"Don't want to."

"Your dad?" Jordan kind of laughs in response.

"Dad?" He laughs again. "That dude hasn't been my dad for as long as I can remember. I just don't wanna deal with him and his bullsh*t right now. That's all I need, for him to start riding me."

Rickie nods, indicating that he understands.

"So anyway, I figured you were here because no one can seem to find you."

"Maybe I don't want to be found." There was a slight edge in his voice.

"O…kay, um, look, I'm not trying to like, impose or whatever, but are you _ever_ coming back to school?"

"For what? So they can throw me out? Foster's been waiting for something like this."

"I don't think that's going to happen. By the time Security showed up you were gone and your friends dragged Joey out of there before he could say anything, so what can Foster get you on?"

"Everyone saw the fight…and everyone heard what he said." The latter half of the sentence was barely audible.

Rickie understood that the real issue here wasn't getting expelled; it was Jordan's embarrassment at having the whole school know that his mother had abandoned him.

"No one's talking about it. I mean, people are talking, but they're talking about Joey and how messed up he is. I really haven't heard anything about what he said to you."

"Whatever." Jordan took another swig from the bottle.

Rickie fidgeted for a moment, before speaking.

"So, you know how, like you said, I live at Katimsky's?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, um, I live there because…because my aunt and uncle, they…moved away and…left me."

"That's rough. Family can be really f*cked up."

"Yeah." Rickie hesitated for a moment before continuing. "But like, even before that, I lived with them because my mother didn't want me. She left me with them one day and she just…never came back. I don't even know if she's dead or alive."

"You and me both." This story was familiar to him and it was hitting a little too close to home. Jordan tilted the bottle to his lips again.

"Yeah, but what she did...I like, realized one day that it's not my fault. She didn't even know me. She didn't leave me because there was something wrong with _me_. There was something wrong with _her_. It took me a long time to believe that, but I do now, and you have to know that it's not your fault that your mother left you either."

Jordan said nothing.

"For like, years, I waited for her to come back and get me. I used to think she would save me from them and we'd have like, this great life." Jordan knew the feeling. He'd done the same thing.

"Anyway," Rickie continued, "She's the one who left me, I don't have anything to be ashamed of and neither do you."

"I just don't get it, who does that? Who leaves their kid and never looks back?" He stopped talking and looked away for a moment before taking another drink.

"I don't know," Rickie's voice is just above a whisper and he barely chokes the words out as he shakes his head.

Jordan is quiet again for a moment, staring at the nearly empty bottle of liquor in his hand. Finally, he lets out a long sigh that brings Rickie out of his thoughts and back to the moment.

"I'm just done, Man…with all of it. Done with school, done with my f*cked up family…done with her." The final words come out a little strained, as if it took a great deal of energy to push them out.

"You don't mean that."

Again he is met with silence.

"I know that it's none of my business and to be honest, I haven't exactly been completely optimistic about this thing you guys have." His voice trails off a little somewhat nervous that he's just insulted Jordan. "…but I was wrong. She really cares about you and it's obvious that you feel the same way. Why should you miss out on that because of what Joey said? Who cares?"

"She probably doesn't want to see me anyway."

"What do you mean, because of the fight?"

"No, before that. She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"That I'm an a$$hole, that I threw her out of the car and accused her of screwing around with my best friend."

Surprise registered on Rickie's face in the form of raised eyebrows, but given that this was the first he was hearing of it, he figured Angela was much less bothered by that than by Jordan's disappearance.

"She didn't say anything about that. The only thing she says is that she's worried about you."

"Tell her I'm fine; she can stop worrying."

"I can't do that Jordan, because it's not true. You're talking about quitting school and breaking up with her. You're not fine." Rickie struggled to find the words to get through to him. "Look, I don't know what happened before, y'know with the car thing, but I _do_ know Angela and she's not just going to let you walk away from her. She's not going to let you go."

"_I'm_ letting go. It's too complicated;" looking out the window, "she's better off."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. You're like, totally crazy about her, but you're going to walk away _because_…" Rickie was genuinely confused. It made no sense to him how they could feel this way for each other and not be together.

"Because I'm no good for her, okay?!" He turns to face Rickie. "What the hell does she want with me anyway? Girls like her don't end up with guys like me."

"Well, it's you she wants and I… I totally get why." Jordan looks at him a little less vacant than normally. Suddenly realizing what he's said, Rickie backs away a little with his head down. Pushing past his own discomfort, he starts again. "Jordan, you are a good person. You looked out for me when most guys would have ignored me, or worse. You deserve her…even if you think you don't."

"I deserve her?" His voice thick with sarcasm, he chuckles a little at the thought. "What has being with me done for her? She's lying to her parents, cutting classes, failing tests… her grades are sh*t. Meanwhile, I'm doing great. I'm like one of those, whatdya call 'em…leeches; that's it. I'm like, a leech or something."

"We _all_ lie to our parents. Do you think Katimsky would've let me out of the house if I told him I was coming to see you in an abandoned warehouse? As for the other stuff-," Jordan cut him off mid-sentence.

"What difference does it make anyway? So, I let this go on and then what? We're gonna be together forever? One day, one of us is gonna f*ck this up, probably me, so why not just let it go now?"

Rickie was growing increasingly frustrated with Jordan's excuses. It was fear, plain and simple, that was getting in the way and it seemed utterly ridiculous to him that two people who were so clearly meant for one another would be kept apart for such a silly reason.

"One day? One day you're going to be old and bald too, so what?"

"What? Old and…what?" Jordan looked at him, confused.

"Look, I get it. It's scary to like, put yourself out there or whatever, but she's _been_ out there and you owe it to her to see it through. You're not bringing her down, Jordan. She was cutting classes with Rayanne and me way before she started going to the boiler room with you. She has her own mind and if she's placing you above school, then that's her choice. If you don't agree with it, say so, but don't walk away from her. People like us; we get a break sometimes, y'know? I have Katimsky and you have her. Don't throw her away Jordan, she like… _she loves you_."

"I know." Jordan lit up a cigarette and looked out the window and up at a constellation that she had once pointed out to him. He chuckled to himself and shook his head, closing his eyes tightly.

They were both quiet for a while.

"So, I uh, I brought you, something to eat. I figured you might be a little hungry or whatever." Handing Jordan a sandwich, he catches Jordan's eye and quickly looks away.

"Thanks."

Rickie points to Jordan's hand, still wrapped in a now dirty bandage. "You should probably get that looked at."

"I'm good."

"Well, I should get back."

"I'd give you a ride, but..." he points to the empty liquor bottle. "I'll probably just sleep in the car tonight."

"That's alright; I'll just catch the bus. You guys have a show on Saturday, right?"

Jordan nods.

"And you'll be there?"

Another nod.

"Jordan…call her, _tonight_." Rickie hands him a pocket full of change.

"Yeah, alright. Thanks…y'know for comin' out here and stuff."

"Sure." Rickie nods his head then turns to leave.

* * * * * * * *

"Angela!"

Angela lay across her bed, trying, in vain, to concentrate on what she was reading. Headphones on, she was listening to "Take Me Down," for the tenth time in a row. She almost didn't hear the music anymore, but she couldn't bring herself to touch the repeat button on the CD player and stop the track from playing again.

"Angela!" Danielle threw open her bedroom door and was yelling at her.

"What, Danielle? And how many times have I told you-"

"Jordan Catalano's on the phone." She said with more than a little urgency in her voice.

Angela rushed past her and to their parents' room.

"You're welcome!" Danielle shouted after her. She had overheard enough to know that Jordan had been in a fight and was missing. She wasn't sure if she liked him or not, but she knew that her sister had been a mess for the last couple of days and it was no fun to make miserable someone who was already miserable.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

It was a single word, but it was all she really needed from him.

"Hey."

There was silence on the phone for a few seconds and she was able to hear cars passing in the background. She had a pretty good idea where he was and therefore didn't bother to ask.

"Are you okay? Your hand and everything?"

"Yeah." He expected an entirely different response from her. He wasn't sure she'd take his call, despite what Rickie had said, and he thought she would probably yell at him if she did. "I just needed to like, leave for awhile."

"I know."

He fell silent again. The operator came on and she heard him deposit several coins.

"Jordan?"

"Yeah."

"It doesn't matter. What Joey said…none of it matters to me."

When he didn't respond, she thought perhaps she had said too much. She bit her lip in an effort to keep herself from rambling to fill the silence. When he finally spoke, she exhaled.

"So, um, I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll be ready when you get here."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to all of you for reading this chapter. I want to take a moment to thank those of you who have subscribed to a story alert or added this fic to their list of favorites, and most especially thanks to those of you who take the time to review. I really appreciate the feedback. Last, but not least, a very special thank you goes out to GoodnightGirl23, my trusty beta. Until next time…**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hi Folks, Sorry it took so long to update. Been busy, sick, tired. Anyway, here's my next installment. Hope you like it. Thanks in advance for your feedback; you know how I love it. GoodnightGirl, well, what can I say? No better beta could there be. :-)**

_It seems like that whole mess with Joey helped us to get over a hurdle or something. He seems sort of relieved. I don't know how to put it into words, but he's more…peaceful. When he came back to school, after the fight, we cut for the last half of the day and spent it at his house. He told me about his mother and even showed me a picture. She was…is? She's beautiful. I told him that it was her loss that she never got to know him. We haven't talked about it since, but not like, because he can't or doesn't want to, there's just like, no need. And when he finally told me why he was acting so insane, it was funny to me. The fact that he thought he was holding me back was so ridiculous that it was funny. Holding me back from what? I didn't say it but, I don't think I was really like, alive until I saw him for the first time. I mean, I was alive, but my real like, __life__ hadn't started yet. I was just existing or something. Ha! I'm early, for once. I think Jordan's rubbing off on me. I'm never early, for like, anything. I'm going to have to remember to tell him that he's a good influence. _

Angela entered the kitchen with a little smile on her face, sat at the kitchen table and looked up at the clock as she sipped her coffee and halfheartedly ate a blueberry muffin.

Graham walked into the kitchen, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat at the table as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

_Seeing my dad at the breakfast table is so like, weird. It feels like he's visiting or something. Like when you have overnight guests. You know that they stayed the night, but you're still surprised to see them at your table in the morning._

"To what do we owe this honor?" Patty's question was directed at Graham.

She smiled, fighting to contain the anger and resentment that had been steadily building inside of her since Angela's birthday. She watched her husband casually butter his toast as if there was nothing unusual about his being at the breakfast table.

"I, uh, I couldn't seem to sleep anymore, so I thought I'd get up and have breakfast with you guys."

"Something bothering you?" Patty was fishing.

"No. Why?" Graham knew what she was doing but feigned ignorance.

"You said you couldn't sleep."

"I just meant that I had slept enough, that's all."

"Now that you're getting home before midnight, you _should_ feel more rested."

_Okay, that was definitely a dig. What's up with them? She should be glad he's getting home earlier than usual._

"Yeah, I'm feeling much more rested. Thanks."

Graham kept his eyes on Patty the whole time. Angela found this completely out of character for her normally passive father.

Angela watched and listened. It was familiar. They were fighting the same way that Graham and Hallie fought, and yet it was different. There was a tone beneath her mother's calm exterior that felt almost sinister.

_What's taking him so long? The one morning that I'm ready way before 7:30 and he decides to be on time instead of early. _

She shifted her gaze between her parents, all the while listening for the horn that would free her from this misery.

"Well it's nice to have you at the breakfast table. I hope it becomes a habit."

"Yeah Dad, you never have breakfast with us anymore. We miss you." Danielle whined over her cereal bowl. "Can you make breakfast for us tomorrow?" She glanced at her mother. "The cereal thing is getting old. I would love some French toast…with sausages…ooh and that fruit thing you put on top, what is it?"

"Compote" Angela answered absentmindedly.

"I don't know Danielle. Depends on how things go at the restaurant tonight."

Angela watched her mother's face as Graham responded to Danielle. To anyone else she may have seemed fine, but Angela had been on the receiving end of that look more than once and 'fine' was not the descriptor she would use for her mother's current state.

The knock at the back door startled her and when her mother opened it to let Jordan in, she felt a familiar sense of relief and security, though she noticed that even Jordan reacted to the unfamiliar sight of Graham at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper.

"Oh, h-hey." Jordan's brow crinkled a little as he addressed Graham.

"Hey yourself. Don't look so surprised. I'm here every morning; you just don't usually see me downstairs." Graham folded the paper back so that Jordan could clearly see his face.

"Yeah, I mean, it's kinda…unusual."

"Coffee, Jordan?" Patty perked up a bit, having something else to focus on for the moment.

"No, uh-thanks, Ms. Chase. We're gonna be late." He motioned to Angela as he spoke.

"It's Patty. One of these days I'm going to get you to call me Patty. You guys better get going."

Angela went through the door first with Jordan behind her.

"Okay...Patty." He smiled at Patty as he walked out the door and then he glanced back at Graham who wore a scowl on his face.

"What was that?" Angela demanded when they reached the car.

"Huh?"

"_Okay Patty"_" She mocked him. "What was that?"

"I dunno." He shrugged his shoulders. "A joke? She looked like she needed a laugh."

"Did you not notice how weird it was in there?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I told you. Something's going on and they're not talking about it." She fastened her seatbelt an adjusted her books on her lap.

"It's between them, why would they talk about it in front of you?"

"I mean they're not talking about to each other."

"Oh."

"It's weird. They used to talk to each other so much it like, got on my nerves. Now they talk AT each other."

Jordan didn't know how to respond. He had no experience in this area. Anthony never brought women home and Kate's relationships had been the exact opposite. It was when she and her boyfriends got to talking too much that things usually turned violent, besides, he was still trying to figure out what made him say what he'd said to Patty. He knew it would piss Graham off or at least annoy him, but he felt like she needed someone to be on her side.

_On her side of what? They weren't fighting. And it's not my business anyway._

Jordan found his attachment to Patty a little unnerving. He barely knew her, why should he care if she needed cheering up?

"So, do you think it means something?" She was looking out of the passenger side window.

"What?"

She turned to face him.

"You didn't hear anything I just said, did you?"

"Uh…"

"Forget it. I don't want to think about it anymore anyway."

* * * * * * * * * *

"Hello? Are you okay? Do you need help or something?"

Sharon stiffens at the sound of the familiar voice, but doesn't respond. Not getting a response, Angela figures the person would rather be left alone. Happy not to get involved, she enters another stall and does her business, but is surprised to see through the slit at the side of the stall, Sharon heading for the door. W_onder what Kyle did this time._

* * * * * * * * * *

Sitting on the bleachers looking into space, Sharon didn't see Jordan leaning off to the side smoking a cigarette, but he saw her. She was crying and crying girls made him nervous. He never knew what to say to them. He remembered the last time he had seen a girl crying out by these bleachers and his conscience troubled him for a moment. He left her there crying by herself. They weren't together, but she needed him and he walked away. It was times like this that he thought Angela was made of something different to be so forgiving and willing to put that kind of hurt behind them.

Just then, he heard Sharon really fall apart and he felt as if he was spying or eavesdropping. He thought to himself that whatever was wrong with her, it must have been something really bad because she was a mess. He debated whether or not to say something when he saw Angela coming across the field. While he was always happy to see her, he was especially happy now because her presence absolved him of any responsibility to intervene. He motioned to her, pointing at Sharon. She shrugged her shoulders, telling him that she didn't know what was wrong with her friend. When she reached him, they made plans to meet in the boiler room later, she kissed him and he left them alone to sort it out.

"Hey."

"H-h-hey." Sharon tried to pull herself together.

"What's wrong? Is your dad okay?"

"Yeah, it's nothing. Cheerleading drama. You don't want to hear about it. Trust me."

Knowing that the breakup with Kyle had placed Sharon somewhat outside of the cheerleaders' inner circle, Angela felt that she should make an effort to support her friend.

"Listen, I was thinking, we really didn't get to hang out much over Spring Break, so why don't you come over tonight. Spend the night."

"Sure. Sounds like a plan." Sharon dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and blew her nose.

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I have to go home and pack a bag, but I can have my mother drop me off later, okay?"

Angela nodded and turned to leave.

"Are you coming?'

"No, I think I'll sit here for a little while."

* * * * * * * * * *

"Hey, thanks for picking me up." Aaron responded with a dismissive wave as Rickie got into the car. "Sorry you had to wait. I was trying to ditch my friend, Rayanne; the one I told you about."

"No problem. Hungry?"

"Yes, but this time _I'm_ paying. You always pay." Rickie threw his bag into the backseat.

"That's because I have a job and you're a kid."

"I have a job." Rickie responded somewhat defensively.

"Whatever, let's grab something on campus, so we're not late."

"Late for what?"

"I'm going to this planning meeting and I figured you'd like it so I'd take you along."

"Planning meeting?"

"For Pittsburgh Pride."

"What's Pittsburgh Pride?"

"You're really bad at being gay, you know that?" Aaron laughed and Rickie dropped his head.

"I'm messing with you. We all start out this way, thinking you're the only one, not fitting anywhere. That's kinda why I wanted to bring you to this meeting. Pittsburgh Pride is like…a festival or something. We have a weekend that's like…ours. We celebrate being who we are…gay." Aaron glanced over at Rickie who was know looking at him, eyes wide.

"Like, in public?" Rickie was excited and horrified all at once.

"Duh, yeah. That's the point. It's an event for us to show that we're proud of who we are. That we don't have to hide anymore. Like Black History Month or something, only it's a weekend and we have drag queens. We put on a parade and some other random events. It's a lot of fun."

"And you're gonna be in the parade?"

"Maybe. I'm not exactly theatrical. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes kinda guy."

Rickie's mind immediately went to Corey, remembering the time they'd spent working on scenery for the play. _Why am I thinking about him, when I'm sitting here with Aaron? _He shooed the thought from his mind and paid attention to what Aaron was saying.

"So, probably not. I worked security last year."

"Were there a lot of incidents?"

"Not really. Mostly just people getting drunk and stupid. No big thing. You kind of distract them and they move on. It was kinda tense though. The city moved us to a different street because of 'construction' and we were all pretty pissed about it."

Aaron emphasized his last statement with air quotes.

"You mean there _wasn't_ any construction? Why would they lie?"

"'Cuz they don't want a bunch of queers and fags marching down Main Street. That's why today's meeting is so important. We're going to turn out in record numbers this year, just to make a point that no one can keep us down."

"So, this parade... Are there floats?" Rickie grinned.

"_Are_ there. We're trying to get Crystal Waters to perform this year."

"Crystal Waters?! Really?! Oh my God, I love her!!!"

Aaron laughs at Rickie's enthusiasm.

"So, I guess you're going to volunteer for the entertainment committee, huh?"

"This is going to be awesome! Thanks for bringing me."

Aaron laughs again.

"Yeah, it really is gonna be awesome this year. You're gonna love it."

* * * * * * * * * *

"This is great, just like when we were little. The only thing missing is Brian. Could you imagine him here right now? He'd have a heart attack or something, being in your bedroom with two girls, in their pajamas." Sharon and Angela crack up at the thought. "Remember the cowboy pajamas his mom would send him over in?" This brought another round of laughter from the pair.

"I'm glad we decided to hang out." Angela dropped on the bed, the blankets she'd pulled out of the closet for Sharon.

"Yeah, I was surprised though that you invited me over. I figured you'd be hanging out with Jordan."

"He had to work tonight.

"Have you guys, y'know?"

"Not yet. You know how you said I'll know when I'm ready?"

Sharon nods in response.

"Well, it's weird 'cuz. I know I want it to be him and we've come close a bunch of times, but I still can't seem to go through with it. What does that mean?"

"Well, you love him, right, so that's not it. Do you think he doesn't love you?"

"He's never actually said it, but I haven't either. I don't really feel like I need him to say it. I mean, are the actual words all that important? People say it all the time and don't mean it, so isn't it better if you _don't _say it but you do mean it? Did that even make sense? Just forget it."

"No, you're right. Kyle said he loved me, but I don't think he meant it and I know I didn't. Jordan obviously loves you. It's like sickening, it's so obvious. The other night at Vertigo, when he was singing that last song, there was something in the way he looked at you that made words like, totally unnecessary. I don't even think there are words for that. It just…is."

"See, that's what I mean. I know that. He looks at me sometimes and I feel like my heart is going to explode and I'll die right in front of him. So, why can't I go through with it?"

"Maybe you're scared. That tape I gave you, did you watch the whole thing?"

"It was too creepy, but I saw enough. I'm not scared, exactly. Not of the actual, y'know."

"You're scared about what happens after, right?"

"Yeah…that and what if I don't…what if I don't…do it right, or like, well."

Sharon laughs out loud.

"Chase Face, with guys, I don't think there_ is_ a wrong or bad way to do it. They're just happy they're like, doing it at all. Though Jordan Catalano _has_ had lots of experience with like, really slutty girls who probably really know what they're doing."

"Sharon. This is not helping."

"Sorry, sorry, I was just thinking out loud. Um, look, the thing is that if this was about just doing it, he'd have been long gone by now. It's not like I'm an expert on the subject, because I didn't love Kyle, but I think that when you love someone, it's more than just the _doing it_, it's like the _who_ _you're doing it with_ that makes it great even if it's not like, actually great. Y'know?"

Angela nods.

"I guess it'll happen when it happens. I'm really kind of tired of thinking about it. Sometimes, I just want to do it and get it over with so it can stop being this like, cloud over my head."

"Trust me _that_ is not a cloud." Sharon becomes very quiet and very serious.

"You okay?"

"No, not really." Sharon shifts uneasily on the bed before continuing. "Angela? Can I tell you something? It's like, really personal and I need you to just listen."

"Okay. What's wrong?"

"I'm late"

"For what?"

"No, I'm. Late." Sharon raises her eyebrows. "_Late_, like, I-think-I'm-pregnant. Late." 

Angela is speechless at first, then she whispers, "Oh my God." She goes mute once again. After several minutes, she looks at her friend with sympathy and concern.

"Did you take a test?"

"Not yet, but I'm never late and my boobs hurt _and_ I've been nauseous for like, two weeks."

"You have to take a test. Sharon, you can't just like, ignore it."

"I know. I'm just so scared" Sharon starts to cry. "I don't know what to do. This is the first time I've even said it out loud."

"Does Kyle know?"

"Are you crazy!? After our last conversation, he's the last person I want to know about this. I told him that I don't love him and we need to stop sleeping together and he went ballistic. He called me names and I just, I can't deal with him right now. This is already way too much. Promise me you won't tell him. Promise me you won't tell anyone."

"Okay, okay. Calm down. I'm not going to tell anyone."

The two girls sit on Angela's bed, each lost in her own thoughts. Angela can hardly believe that Sharon could be pregnant. She thought about all the other times in their lives when they sat here this way, talking in hushed tones about things that seemed immensely important at the time. The irony of the current situation was not lost on her. The fact that it was Sharon, the good girl, and not Rayanne, with the 'most slut potential,' sitting here telling her this.

"So, if you are…have you thought about what you would do?"

"I really don't know. I mean, Angela, I'm only 15. What am I going to do with a baby? But then there's this other part of me that thinks, I can't just get rid of my baby. It's my baby. I made it, just like my parents made me. What if_ I_ was an accident and my mother had an abortion? I like, wouldn't even exist. Of course, if I didn't exist, I wouldn't have this problem, so that sounds pretty good to me right now. Anyway, then I start thinking about school and what people will say and my parents and how upset they'll be. I mean, my dad just had a heart attack; this would like, kill him. I don't know what to do."

"Well, the first thing you have to do is find out for sure. Maybe you're just under a lot of stress with school and stuff. That can make you late, right? And in health class, they said that too much exercise can make you skip a period. Maybe you need a break from cheerleading. Maybe you're freaking out for nothing." 

"Maybe. I hope so."

"Well there's only one way to find out."

"I'm afraid to even go to the drugstore to get the test. What if someone sees me? What if they tell my mother? I would just die, Angela."

"I'll get it for you. After school, tomorrow. I'll stop at the store on the way home. We have to do it here. If it's positive, you can't be freaking out at home."

"I'm so scared, Angela."

"I know." Angela puts her arm around Sharon and attempts to comfort her, all the while thinking about how easily your life can change because of one decision.

* * * * * * * * * *

They parked in front of the print shop and picked up the family car for her driving lesson. Knowing that he planned to give her a car for her birthday, Jordan had been teaching Angela to drive for several weeks. His only rule had been that they couldn't use Red. After the last time, he needed some assurances that she wouldn't wreck his car. Patty had agreed to let them use her car and he agreed to repair any damages that resulted from their lessons, so after school, when Jordan didn't have to work, they went driving for an hour or so. She was a quick learner and after only a few weeks, she was nearly ready for her road test. As was their habit, he took her down several side streets, emerging on a busy street in the middle of Three Rivers' main shopping area, which fit perfectly with her plan.

"Can we stop here? I need pick something up from the store."

"Yeah, I need to get a pack anyway. Pull into that spot…slowly."

She pulled into the spot effortlessly. He was impressed and she was beaming.

"Not bad."

'Not bad? That was great."

"Okay, it was pretty good."

"You're a hard man to please, Jordan Catalano."

He was going to reply with a smart comeback, but decided to let it go. It was too easy. She, however, realized that she'd left him an opening and waited for a remark.

"What? No comment? You feeling okay?"

He just laughs and gets out of the car.

"I'll meet you back here in a few. Don't take forever; I want you to have enough time, y'know, for trying to please me." He smiled seductively. 

"I guess I asked for that."

She entered the pharmacy and scoured the aisles for pregnancy test kits. There were so many to choose from and she had no idea what she was doing. She figured she should get two just in case they messed it up the first time.

She placed her items down on the counter, which brought a severe look from the cashier, a 50-ish woman, who was more than a little tired of seeing young girls throw their lives away. Angela was embarrassed even though she knew the kits weren't for her. She wondered if the cashier knew that she was Patty Chase's daughter. It's not like everyone knew everyone else in Three Rivers, but it would be just her luck that this woman had coffee with Patty on a regular basis or something. Just as the cashier raised the second box to the scanner, Camille Cherski walked up to the counter. Angela's heart stopped as her eyes met Camille's.

"Angela?" She was looking at the box, "I saw your mom's car outside and thought she was in here."

"Oh, no, I-uh, I'm learning to drive and I'm using her car to practice."

"I see. Well, tell your mom I said hi and I'll call her later." **_I bet you will._**

She gave Angela a much too bright smile and Angela walked out of the store. When she got to the car, Jordan was waiting for her.

"What took so long?" She had a strange look on her face, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just ran into Sharon's mom."

"Whatever, let's go."

"Let's go back to the shop and get your car. I think I'm done for today."

She was acting weird. He figured her strange behavior combined with the trip to the pharmacy had something to do with her period or something. Girls had that PMS stuff and it made them crazy, at least that's what he'd heard. He certainly wasn't about to ask her. 

She pulled into a spot close to the shop and cut the engine.

"I'll be right out; I have to go in for a second."

"Yeah, alright."

Angela entered the shop and thankfully, Patty was preoccupied with an order.

"Mom, can I use the phone?"

"Sure, Honey, go ahead."

She dialed the number she'd known by heart all her life. _C'mon Sharon, answer, answer._

"Hello?"

"Hey, your mother walked into the pharmacy while I was getting it and she saw it, but I'm sure she thinks it's for me."

"Oh my God, Angela, I'm sorry."

"I know. We don't have much time. I don't know how long it'll be before your mom gets to my mom. For now, just stick to the plan, we'll figure the rest out later. I'm on my way home. We're leaving now."

"We? Who's with you?"

"Jordan."

"Angela, you didn't tell him, did you?! Please tell me you didn't tell him."

"Of course not."

"Can't you get rid of him? I mean I don't want him there when…y'know."

"He's already acting suspicious. I can't tell just him to leave. He'll probably leave when you show up anyway."

"Gee, thanks."

"I mean he wants to be alone, so if anyone shows up, he'll probably just leave. I gotta go, he's waiting."

"Okay...Angela?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks"

"I gotta go. Bye."

Jordan is behind the wheel and he's clearly annoyed. She was taking forever and he knew they only had a short time alone before someone came home.

"What is with you today?"

"Nothing."

_This is not just some PMS bullsh*t, something's going on. She's being sneaky and weird. What the f*ck?_

"Something's going on, but since you don't want to tell me, fine."

If she didn't know better, she would think he was hurt.

"Let's just go, ok?"

"Whatever."

He started the car and drove the familiar route to her house. She moved closer to him and ran her fingers through his hair. He was quiet, but didn't seem upset or bothered anymore. She wasn't just doing this to appease him, she loved to touch him and found every excuse to do so. She traced the outer portion of his ear with her finger and it seemed to her that his ear lobe was calling out to her be kissed. She thought it was a bad idea since he was driving, so when they stopped at a light and she saw her opportunity, she took it. He loved this and she knew it. His eyes were still closed when the light changed and it took the sound of angry horns behind them to bring him out of his Angela-induced bliss.

She was sometimes surprised at her own forwardness. Months ago, she would never have been so bold, but now she frequently initiated their make out sessions, sometimes even summoning him to the boiler room so that she could have her way with him. There was a sense of power in being able to affect him in this way. Although she had come close to just letting go, she was glad that they hadn't actually gone there. She wanted it to be more special than just the two of them getting all hot and bothered to the point where they couldn't control themselves. She wasn't asking for candles and rose petals on the bed, but something more than just the tearing off of clothing and animalistic grunts, though that had its appeal too.

She was caught up in the feel of his hair and his scent when the pharmacy bag fell on the floor of the car and one of the boxes slipped out. She was able to grab it before Jordan could see what it was. The close call brought her mind back to Sharon. She had cried on and off most of the night. They didn't get much sleep during their sleepover, but she was glad she could be of any comfort to her friend. It was like redemption. She still felt terrible about abandoning Sharon for Rayanne and for not being there for her when her dad was sick. All the way home she was alternately picturing her and Jordan having sex and Sharon with a pregnant belly. It was disturbing, to say the least.

They arrived at her house and were all over each other as soon as they got through the door. Normally, she was all for it, but with Sharon's current predicament or potential predicament, she was feeling some trepidation at getting physical. The thought of being 16 and pregnant was more than terrifying, it was disabling. He sensed her distraction.

"Okay, not for nothin' but you're acting really weird."

"I'm just, I don't know…I just have a lot on my mind. I'm sorry."

He was frustrated. It wasn't that they had to be physical. There were plenty of times when they just held hands or lay on the couch, wrapped up in each other and watched TV, but she was deliberately hiding something and it was pissing him off. After all, she was Ms. Let's-Talk-About-Everything and here she was being secretive.

He felt like he was being played, but he couldn't figure out what the angle was. The doorbell rang. The cheerleader had shown up…out of the blue. Something didn't smell right about this whole set up. He didn't know what was going on, but he was pretty much done.

"Hey." Sharon was addressing him. "How's it going?" She was unusually friendly.

"Hey." He replied suspiciously, she was _never _happy to see him or in any way pleasant toward him. Something was definitely up. 

The girls were giving each other looks, like some secret girl language. He had no interest in trying to decipher their code and he'd had enough of the weirdness. Now they were _both_ acting weird.

"I gotta go." He turned to head for the door. 

"Wait a minute. Sharon, why don't you go upstairs? I'll be up in a few minutes."

Sharon did as she was told and Angela turned her attention to him.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm not like, being myself today. I really can't talk about it. Maybe you could come by later?"

"I got stuff to do."

He tried to look as disinterested as he could, but it was all a front. He was disappointed. He missed her already and he hadn't even walked out the door yet. _What the f*ck, Dude get a grip. So, you'll see her tomorrow. _

"Oh, ok, um- I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." She looked hurt. He could see her downturned mouth, pouty and poked out, which took his thoughts into another direction and he had to catch himself.

"What time?" He asked mildly annoyed.

"7:30, that's what time you always come by." She was confused.

"No, what time tonight?"

He was mad at himself for giving in, but he really just wanted to be with her and this afternoon had been a total bust. She was smiling at him the kind of smile he loved to see on her face and suddenly, all was forgiven.

"I don't know. She'll be gone by 7, I guess. Anytime after that."

She put her arms around him and kissed him deeply.

"I wish it was later already." She whispered, their lips barely touching.

He smiled and despite the fact that he knew she was manipulating him, he wished it was later too.

Upstairs in the bathroom, other wishes were being made as Sharon waited for Angela to join her. She _wished_ that Jordan would leave. She _wished_ that she'd never, ever had sex in her whole life. She _wished_ above all else that the test result would be negative.

Angela knocked on the door. A very timid Sharon was inside sitting there looking back at her. Angela handed her the bag with the test kits.

"I bought two, in case we didn't get it right the first time."

"Okay, well you read it. I can't think straight."

Angela read the directions and instructed Sharon as to what to do. She turned to leave the bathroom, but Sharon begged her to stay. She turned her back to give Sharon some degree of privacy. Angela timed the tests with her mother's kitchen timer. One test would be ready in three minutes, the other in five.

_There is something so wrong about having a kitchen timer in the bathroom._

Angela thought to herself as she watched the seconds tick by. In three minutes, her friend's life could be changed forever. No matter what the test showed, this would change her. It had already changed Angela. She'd never really thought about what she would do if she became pregnant when she and Jordan finally got around to having sex. She was thinking about it constantly now and although she really wanted to have sex with him, she was re-thinking it yet again.

"Angela, talk to me, distract me. Tell me about…Brian. What's going on with Brian?'

"There's nothing to tell. I hardly see him anymore, which is sort of weird because I used to see him constantly. He would come over and ask me for stuff I borrowed like a year ago, but lately, he hasn't been by at all. I guess he's spending all his time with Amy."

"So, he's not stalking you anymore?"

"He wasn't stalking me."

"Whatever. So, he's not like upset about you and Jordan anymore?"

"I don't know. We didn't really discuss it after that night with the letter. He's still tutoring Jordan though, so I guess he's okay with it."

"Actually, he came to me when you two got back together and asked me to reassign him, but I didn't have anyone to cover for him except that slutty Francine Vecchio, and I was not about to put Jordan with her. That would be like putting a kid in a candy store."

Angela thought about this for a moment. What would Jordan do, faced with such temptation? She wondered if he would be able to turn away, especially since she wasn't fully satisfying that need**. **

"I don't think I'm on his mind much anymore now that he has Amy. I guess he moved on. Did you see them at the show last week?"

"Yeah. It's nice that he has someone, but I doubt that he's moved on. That would be like you moving on from Jordan. It would take forever."

Angela was both relieved and terrified when the timer went off indicating that three minutes had passed. She didn't want to talk about Brian anymore, but she also didn't really want to know the results of the test. They stared at each other. Angela set the timer for another two minutes.

_If I'm freaking out, what must she feel like? It's not even me and I'm shaking._

"I can't look. You do it." Sharon begged.

Angela reached for the test as if it was a venomous snake. There was a bold, bright pink plus sign in the tiny window and a pit in her stomach.

"We should wait for the second one."

"Why? Is it positive? Oh my God, it's positive?" Sharon was getting a little hysterical and Angela didn't know what to do. What do you do when your best friend's life is about to change in ways you can't even imagine?

"Let's just wait. Maybe we did it wrong."

The second one had a plus sign in the little window, too. They read and re-read the directions to see if perhaps there was an error. They called the hotline number on one of the boxes just to be absolutely sure. It was what it was. Sharon Cherski was pregnant. Period. End of story.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I mean, maybe I can just y'know have an abortion and no one will ever know…except you and me."

"Is that what you want to do? I mean it sounded like you weren't sure before."

"Yeah, well it wasn't real before. This is real! I'm 15 and I'm not even like, with the guy anymore. I can't have a baby! I'm a cheerleader, Angela. Do you now what this would do to the squad?!"

"Sharon, I really don't think cheerleading is a consideration here." 

"I know." She slumped forward and her voice dropped to a whisper. "I think it's what I want to do."

"Where would you go?"

"I guess that clinic down on Roanoke."

"Do you have the number?"

"Yeah, I went to the nurse's office and got the number today, just in case. I was so embarrassed. She was looking right at me."

"Well, let's go call."

* * * * * * * * * *


	19. Chapter 19

"Hi Camille. I can't really talk right now. I'm in the middle…WHAT?!"

Patty sat, dumbstruck. There were a thousand thoughts racing through her mind, not the least of which was Graham's voice saying, "I told you so." She'd almost forgotten that she was holding the phone and that Camille Cherski was still on the other line. She'd heard not a single word after Camille had said that she'd seen Angela at the pharmacy buying a pregnancy test.

"I have to go, Camille. I'll call you later." She hung up the phone, through which Camille could be heard, still talking.

_How could this happen? She's only 16. I can't believe I trusted him. Why would you trust a teenaged boy? What am I, delusional? Of course this is happening. What did I do to prevent it? I practically gave them the seal of approval. Oh my God! What are we going to do?_

* * * * * * * * * *

"Hey, I'm glad you came back. My mom isn't home yet and Danielle is at her friend's house, so it's just us."

She smiled, took him by the hand, and led him to the couch.

"Your friend gone?"

He sat down and pulled her onto his lap. He was going to make the short time they had count. He knew Patty would be home soon, but he needed to be with her.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what was going on."

"Whatever. It probably wasn't anything I wanted to know about anyway."

"I was just a little freaked out because, Sharon's, um…she's…pregnant, and I was just thinking about us, y'know…together and…what if _I_ got pregnant." 

"I don't know how much you know about how this works, but you can't get pregnant doing what we do." He was laughing.

"Ha. Ha. I'm glad you're entertained by my friend's misery."

She smacked him on the arm.

"Sorry. That's messed up, for your friend, I mean."

"Yeah…I feel so bad for her. She was crying and I just didn't know what to do for her."

He was kissing her neck wishing she'd stop talking.

"There's not a lot you can do." He mumbled as he moved from her neck to her ear.

"Well, actually, we need your help."

"Hmmm?" He continued his campaign for her undivided attention.

"Jordan." She wasn't sure how she was doing it, but for the first time ever, she was able to keep her head in Jordan's presence.

"Jordan? Did you hear me? We need your help."

He sighed heavily as he withdrew slightly and rested his head on her shoulder. It was clear that she wasn't going to reciprocate until she finished saying whatever it was she was saying.

"For what?" He sat back and tried to focus.

"We made an appointment at that clinic on Roanoake for Tuesday, after school. I'm gonna go with her, y'know, to like, hold her hand or whatever, but they won't do it unless she has a ride home after and I thought maybe you could pick us up."

"Uh-huh." He folded his arms across his chest, listening as she continued.

"She's gonna come here and spend the night, so her mother won't suspect anything,"

"So, you and your friend have it all figured out, huh?"

She didn't like his tone.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I didn't think you'd mind doing me the favor."

"You're not the one having the abortion, so the favor isn't for you."

"Why are you being like this?" She frowned slightly and shook her head as she spoke.

"Like what?" He sat up a little straighter.

Angela moved off his lap and put some distance between them.

"I don't know, like this. Why are you upset?"

"You didn't even ask, you just volunteer me and I'm supposed to be okay with that?"

"I don't understand why is this a problem?"

"What about the guy who got her pregnant? _He_ should be handling this, not you and not me."

"She didn't tell him."

"And that seems right to you?" His indignation becoming more evident in his speech.

"He's a total jerk and she doesn't want him to know. You know Kyle. He's awful."

"So, you two just decided that you would handle it and he doesn't have anything to say about it?"

Voices and tempers were rising. She didn't understand why they were having this fight, but it seemed to her that Sharon had all the rights and Kyle had none.

"It's _her_ body." She yelled.

"And it's _his _kid." He countered.

"Jordan, this is ridiculous. Why are we arguing?"

"Because, you can't just volunteer me for something like that and not even ask what I think about it."

"Okay, fine. What do you think about it?"

"Forget it. Do what you want, but leave me out of it."

He got up off the couch and walked away from her.

"I just don't understand why you're so mad. Okay, fine, I should have asked you instead of assuming that you would help, but why are you so mad?"

She was up now and standing in front of him. He didn't answer at first. He had his arms folded in front of him, biting his thumb.

"If it was you…us…you'd get rid of it?" He stared at her.

"I guess, I don't know. I mean, I'm 16 and your 17. We're in the 10th grade; how would we support it?"

He shook his head and snickered.

"Right, I'm 17 and in the 10th grade."

"God! I'm not trying to put you down; I'm just saying that we can't take care of a baby, so what else _could _I do?!"

"And I'm guessing I would have nothing to say about it, right?"

"Jordan, this is crazy. We're arguing about someone else's baby."

Jordan let out an exasperated sigh and turned his head slightly to stare out the front window, jaw firmly set, color rising in face.

"So you're telling me that if Rayanne had gotten pregnant you'd have wanted to know and you'd have wanted a say in whether or not she should have it? 'Cuz _I'm_ thinking you'd be pretty happy for her to get rid of it and never say a word to you about it!"

She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth.

He was stunned.

"Just forget it. Here." He handed her a twenty-dollar bill.

"You and your friend can take a cab." His face was cold and he sort of squinted at her.

He snickered and shook his head as he started toward the front door. At the same time, Patty walked in through the back. Before he could open the door, Patty was in the living room and she was furious.

"Angela Chase, I could kill you with my bare hands! You too!" She pointed at Jordan.

"Mom, I can explain…"

"Oh, you're going to, Miss! And you!" She stared at Jordan. "_You_ should know better! How could you let this happen?!"

"I'm outta here."

"Oh, I don't think so! You can't really think that you're going to walk away from this! You two are going to sit here and explain to me why I have to hear from Camille Cherski that my 16 year old daughter thinks she's pregnant!"

"Angela's not pregnant; believe me; that would be like, impossible."

"Don't stand there and lie to me!" She turned to face Angela. "She told me she saw you buying a pregnancy test."

"It wasn't for me, Mom."

"What do you mean? Well then who…oh my God. Sharon?"

"Yeah." Angela replied in a near whisper.

"I gotta go." Jordan was about to step through the door when he turned to address Patty.

"And just so you know, if it was Angela, I wouldn't walk away from this, but you might want to talk to her about what she thinks."

Jordan walked out, got in his car and left.

"I am so confused. Could you please explain to me what is going on?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well you're _going_ to talk about it. This is serious, Angela. What is going on?!"

"Sharon and I made an appointment for her to…to have an abortion and I thought he would give us a ride, but he flipped out and said that the guy who got her pregnant should be handling this and that we should stay out of it. I just wanted to help her. I don't know why he got so mad. I was just helping my friend."

"Well, I have to say, Angela, I agree with Jordan."

"No surprise there." She rolled her eyes.

"Come here, sit down." Patty puts an arm around Angela and draws her close. "Do you have any idea what will happen when you go to that clinic with Sharon? Do you know that there are people who protest outside of that clinic and just last summer, a doctor at an abortion clinic was murdered?"

"Oh my God!"

"It's not as simple as walking in and walking out. Angela, Sweetie, I know you were trying to help, but you have no idea what you're dealing with. I suspect Sharon doesn't either. What if there were complications? How would you deal with that? Did you even think about that? Now, I know you don't think that talking to your parents is the best idea, but I would want you to come to me with something like this and I'm sure Camille would too. And as far as the father is concerned, I think he _should_ know. He's as responsible as she is and he should have to be accountable just like she's going to have to be."

"I guess. But if she doesn't want to tell him, shouldn't it be up to her? Kyle is an idiot and she doesn't want to deal with him. Besides, I'm pretty sure he doesn't want her to keep it anymore than she wants to, so why get him involved. That's what I was trying to tell Jordan and he flipped out. I don't get why he's so mad at me?"

"Maybe Jordan doesn't think Sharon should have an abortion. People have very strong opinions about this sort of thing."

"How is that his business? It's her choice and he was acting like she didn't even have one."

They sit quietly for a moment, with Patty's arm around Angela, stroking her hair.

"What do _you_ think, Mom? I mean, she can't take care of a baby. She's only 15 years old."

"It doesn't matter what I think, what you think, or what Jordan thinks. Sharon has to make that decision for herself, but I do think she needs to talk it through with her parents. If she doesn't want to have the baby that's one thing, but she shouldn't _not_ have it because she doesn't think she can take care of it. That shouldn't be the reason. Camille and Andy will help her take care of the baby. If she doesn't want to go through with it, if it's just not what she wants to do, well then that's something else entirely."

"I can't even imagine what it must be like for her. How scared she must be."

"Neither can I, Sweetie. Neither can I."

Patty hugged her daughter, relieved that what she thought was so, wasn't.

"Angela, promise me. Promise me you wouldn't keep something like this from me. I know I came in here screaming my head off, but I was more upset about hearing it from Camille than hearing it. Not that I wouldn't be upset or disappointed, because I would be, but when Camille came to me, I was so angry that she knew something like this about my child and I didn't. It made me feel like you couldn't trust me and that hurt."

"It's never going to happen, so you have nothing to worry about. Jordan and I…we never…it doesn't matter now anyway."

"Oh, Sweetie, people argue. It'll pass, you'll see."

* * * * * * * * * *

He had spent Friday night driving around aimlessly; unable to really talk about the thoughts churning in his head and too angry to risk going home and running into his father. He considered going out with Shane who was supposed to be at a party with Tino tonight, but he didn't really want to be around people. What he really wanted to do was feel better and forget about all of it. Normally, he would go to a party, get drunk or high, get laid, and everything would be great, but parties bored him and he hadn't been laid in months.

_She called me a f*cking moron. I knew this would happen. W__ho the f*ck does she think she is? Just cuz we're together, I gotta do whatever the f*ck she wants? This is bullsh*t, __so why am I stressing it and acting like a total pussy? I've been waiting for her for months. Months! What the f*ck?! __F*ck her and f*ck this!" _

He turned the car around, pulled over in front of a convenience store, picked up the payphone's receiver and dialed a familiar number.

"Hey, it's me."

"Nuthin'. Thinking about you."

"Ten minutes."

"Cool."

He returned to the car and drove until he pulled up in front of a smallish house; it was dark and not very well maintained. He honked the horn once and out she came, smiling broadly, her long blonde hair blowing behind her.

"So, where to?" She asked him as she closed the door.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Thought we'd just drive around and see where we end up."

"Sounds good or we could just head over to that lot on Miller and quit wasting time."

He laughed and there was a slight blush on his cheeks. She had always been one for cutting to the chase. There were no pretenses between them.

"Or we could do that." He smiled and felt himself relaxing, with the promise of what lay ahead already eliciting a bodily response from him.

He drove for about five minutes until he came to the lot, pulled into a dark corner, and cut the engine.

"Been awhile since we hung out." She unhooked her seatbelt.

"Yeah." He moved closer to her.

"I'm glad you called." She turned to face him.

"Uh-huh." He nuzzled her neck.

"Mmmm."

It was the same response he got from Angela when he did that to her, only when Angela did it, he felt a weird flip-flop in his stomach. He pushed the thought from his mind and continued.

He felt her hand on his chest, making its way south. It felt good, he couldn't deny that, but it was also strange. No other girl had touched him this way in a long time.

As the kissing and groping became more intense, they moved to the back seat. Her shirt was off and he was working on her bra. She lifted his shirt over his head and he was reminded of the garage on the night of Angela's birthday. He ignored the memory. She reached up and opened the button on his pants, as he did the same with hers. There was nothing tender or loving about this, the clothes were simply in the way of what each of them wanted and this was a necessary step to removing that barrier. She lay there in her panties with him poised above her in his boxers. He moved to her side and his hand went to work, as did hers. Again, there was no tenderness in the act; it was simply preparation for the main event. He kissed her and touched her and just as she attempted to remove the final barrier separating them he stopped and sort of fell on top of her, as if all the air had gone out of him.

"Jordan?"

"Yeah." His head was buried in her neck and he could smell cigarette smoke in her blonde hair. _I never noticed that before. It's disgusting._

"We don't have to do this." She whispered in his ear.

He didn't respond.

"We could just stop right now." She continued.

"Uh-huh." His body was ready and willing, but he couldn't go through with it.

He sat up, embarrassed and upset.

She sat up and put her arm around him, stroking his hair.

"Listen to me; I knew what this was when you called me. It's never been a love thing with us. We both had…an itch and we wanted it scratched that's all. It's okay, only you don't really want to do this. Do you?"

He looked down at his lap and back at her and laughed a little, eyebrows raised.

"I know what _he_ wants;" She placed her hand on him and giggled. "that's all he ever wants. But that's not what _you _want, not with me anyway."

He looked at her and really saw her for the first time, not as easy or a good lay, but as a friend.

"So why are we here? What happened to Little Red Riding Hood? She dump you?"

"Not yet." He ran his hands through his hair.

"You had a fight?" He nods his response.

"But you didn't break up?" He shakes his head.

"Look, I never thought it would work, but it totally does. You and her. I don't know why or how, but it works." She reaches over and turns his face to hers. "Don't screw it up."

He gathers their clothes and begins to dress. They make their way to the front seat.

"Cyn?"

"Yeah?" She barely looks at him as she reapplies her lipstick and fixes her hair.

"Thanks."

"It's okay. And don't worry; I won't say a word about it. Like it never happened, 'cuz really, nothing did."

He pulls out of the parking lot and goes back the way he came.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to your house."

"Oh, no, I'm not going home after you got me all horny. You can drop me off over at that party on Inwood. Tino and the boys got something going on over there." She said lighting a cigarette.

Jordan laughed.

"Cynthia, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were a guy."

"Yeah, well that used to work for you, so shut up."

They both crack up.

He makes the turn onto Inwood and she tells him to stop the car. Confused, he pulls over.

"What? Changed your mind?"

"No, dumbass. You can't drop me off out front. Someone'll see and then you and Little Red will be done for sure." She smiled at him, reached across the seat and gave him one last, lingering kiss. "Shame, I was really looking forward to it. If things don't work out, call me…but only if things don't work out."

He smiled and laughed a little to himself, then made a u-turn. He could smell her on his clothes and felt a desperate need to shower and get her scent off him. Heading home, he replayed the evening's events. Whether he liked it or not, Angela owned him. He'd been sure that he could go through with it and if it had been solely about urges, he would have, but every move, every touch, even the sounds Cynthia made, he compared to Angela and nothing measured up. The promise of raunchy, hot monkey sex with Cynthia Hargrove could not compare to a simple hand job from Angela Chase.

"Un-f*cking-believable!"

He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel, completely frustrated and then he decided there was no point in fighting it. He'd just resign himself to the fact that he was whipped.

"I can't even say I'm pussy-whipped, cuz I haven't had any!"

He had to laugh at how ridiculous the whole thing was.

* * *

**A/N: Hi Everyone! I know it's been awhile. I crawled out from under my rock to get this posted before you all forgot about me. Hope I didn't give anyone a heart attack with Jordan's near dalliance. :-) Thanks for all of the reviews on the last chapter. Looking forward to feedback on this one. Many thanks to GoodnightGirl23 for helping me to keep Jordan in character and reminding me that less is more. **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hi Everyone. Happy to be back on the board. It's been a very busy few months, but I've managed to find a little time to clean this chapter up and get it posted. I'm hoping to post more regularly over the summer, so keep an eye out for those Story Alerts.**

_I've had way too much time to think this weekend. I'm seriously considering writing a letter to the people who put out pregnancy tests. Whose idea was it to use plus and minus signs on those things, anyway? I mean, really, in this case, a positive is actually a negative and a negative would have been a positive. Wouldn't it be better for it to just say what it is? "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant." Why do they even assign a value to it? I mean, I'm sure some people are really happy to get a positive test result, but what about everyone else? I'm sorry, but that little plus sign has not been an indication of anything positive in anyone's life this weekend. Ever since it showed up, there have been nothing but problems. My mother wants to have "discussions" with me every fifteen minutes. She says she wants to make sure that I'm prepared and that the same thing won't happen to me. If I have to tell her one more time that I have never had sex in my life, I'll scream. She went so far as to offer to take me to the gynecologist. And she had "the talk" with Danielle. Poor thing. I actually felt sorry for her. And my father is lobbying for me to never be alone with Jordan ever again, not that it matters since Jordan will probably never speak to me again. I haven't heard from him since Friday. I know I should be concerned about Sharon, but I can't stop thinking about the fight I had with him. I am not a good person. My friend is in the worst trouble of her life and I can't stop thinking about my own problems, which are so like, so minor in comparison. I keep thinking about what I'm going to do when I get to school. What if his stuff isn't in the locker anymore? What if this is the end of us? _

Jordan knocks at the back door, as he does most mornings, only this wasn't most mornings. He hadn't spoken to her all weekend, didn't stop by, nothing. He couldn't talk to her. He didn't understand it entirely himself, why he had become so angry. He never had a reason to think about abortion before, but now that the topic had been raised, he felt like it was wrong. _You can't just get rid of a kid because it's inconvenient to have it. It's not the kid's fault you got pregnant or knocked a girl up. The kid is like, an innocent bystander. _

The argument wasn't even about that; right and wrong. He just knew that he would be devastated if she decided on her own, with no input from him, to get rid of their baby. He never really thought about what he would do if he got a girl pregnant. He had always made it a point not to end up in that situation and as far as he knew, he'd been successful. He could honestly say that aside from his first time, he had never had sex without a condom. Never. Between Kate's fear-inducing, home-based sex education classes and Anthony's depiction of women as conniving liars who were out to trap men, he had been well versed, not only in the avoidance of pregnancy, but also the avoidance of intimacy and trust. More than this, he knew what it was to be an unwanted child and would never do that to someone else. The thing was, he couldn't see himself not wanting _their_ child, but she could. Was it because it would be his? Was it that she thought he was too much of a loser to have a baby with him?

He had never thought of himself as being someone's father one day or ever wanting to be. He still didn't, not really, but if the situation presented itself, he also couldn't imagine that he'd cut and run. He often thought he'd have been better off if his father had abandoned him and left him with Kate, but then again, at least he knew where he came from and Anthony served at least one purpose in his life…an example of what NOT to become. His mother had left him with so many unanswered questions; he swore to himself he'd never do that to a kid.

"Come in. Coffee?" Patty offered him a seat and poured him a cup.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Sit. Please." Patty gestured toward the table.

There was a slight tension in the air. He wasn't offended exactly, he just felt wronged somehow, but he didn't hold it against her. He figured she'd had a right to be pissed off.

"I'm so sorry about the way I spoke to you on Friday. It's _because_ I trust you with her and I think you're a responsible young man that I reacted the way I did. I was disappointed in both of you."

"It's alright. I guess if it had been her instead of Sharon, you'd have had a right to be mad." He paused, "Not that I'm saying it would ever happen, but if it did, we would tell you...together."

"Well thank you, but please, let's not ever find out how you would deal with it, follow me?"

She smiles warmly at him as he nods and takes another sip of his coffee. He was relieved that they had cleared the air and at the same time disturbed that it even mattered to him what she thought. He'd never really cared about what parents thought of him. Then again, he'd never had occasion to talk this way with a parent other than Kate.

He was lost in his thoughts when Angela walked in.

"Oh…you're here?"

"Yeah, um- thanks for the coffee."

He put the cup down and walked out to the car.

"O. Kaaaay. So, he's picking me up, but he's not speaking to me?" Angela said out loud, to no one in particular."

"Here, take one for him and get going. He's waiting." Patty handed her two muffins and pushed her out the door.

Angela gets into the car and waits for him to speak, but he says nothing; it's clear that he's still angry at her.

They drive in silence until she can't take it anymore,

"Why did you even bother to pick me up if you're not going to talk to me? I mean, it's obvious you're like, mad at me. I didn't even expect you to show up."

"So we have a fight and I just blow you off, right? It's like I don't even know you sometimes."

"Well, I mean, if you're mad, why do this? If we're just going to fight all the way to school, what's the point?"

"Because!" Realizing that he had raised his voice, he tried to regain control. "Because it's what we do."

They fall silent once again, though it's obvious he wants to say something and he makes several false starts before finally constructing the sentence he thinks he wants to speak out loud.

"What you said...about Graf...I would."

He'd been thinking about it all weekend and since she asked the question, he figured she should be prepared to hear the answer.

"You would what?"

"Wanna know."

It was Angela's turn to be stunned. W_hy did I even bring it up? S_he felt her throat tighten due to the rather large lump that had suddenly taken up residence there, accompanied by tears that were welling up in her eyes. The thought of Rayanne having Jordan's baby was too much and it made their betrayal brand new to her. He wasn't looking at her and didn't see the way his answer had affected her.

"As f*cked up as _sh_e is, I'd _have_ to be involved 'cuz the kid would need at least one half way sane parent. Satisfied?"

His tone was harsh, his anger barely in check. When he got no response, he glanced over to see her lip quivering and tears running down her face.

"Why are you crying? _You're_ the one who brought it up!" He refused to feel badly about her crying. _If you have the balls to go there, don't act like a baby when it bites you in the ass._

"What do you expect?"

"I _expect_ you not to throw it in my face every time you run outta other stuff to argue about! Bring it up one more time Angela, and I swear, it'll be the last time." He was seething. "It was f*cked up, I admit it and I don't know if I coulda done what you did, but you said you forgave me and if it's forgiven then it shouldn't keep coming up, especially not like that!"

She knew he was right. It was a low blow, but she was sure that if she'd made her point about Sharon's situation, he would understand her decision not to tell Kyle about the pregnancy. The last thing she expected was a response, let alone the response she got.

"Why is this so hard? It's not even about us. Why are we fighting?"

"You still don't get it."

"Get what? That you wouldn't mind having a baby while we're still in high school?"

"No!" There were too many thoughts in his head and he was having trouble trying to sort them out. He took a deep breath. "Look, I don't want to have a baby. I'm just saying that if it ever happened to us, I don't think you should like, assume that I'd want to get rid of it."

"Okay, well, if I ever get pregnant we'll make the decision together, but that doesn't mean I would keep it either."

"Okay, wait," He pauses a moment, eyes narrowing as he begins to speak. "We'll make the decision together, but that doesn't mean you would keep it?"

"Right."

"How is that making the decision together? The decision is already made. You already made it!"

He was talking with his hands now and she knew this was getting worse by the minute, but like a freight train, it was impossible to stop. Still, she tried to retreat to logic in order to end the fight.

"How would we take care of a baby, Jordan?"

"Lots of other people have done it. It's not like, impossible. Doesn't matter though, you're still saying that it's_ your_ decision."

"_I'm_ the one who would be having it. _You_ could walk away anytime you wanted and I'd still have to take care of it."

"That's what you think? That I would run out on you, on my own kid? That's who you think I am, Angela?"

"I'm not saying you _would_, I'm saying you have the option and I just…don't. That's all."

"No, you're saying that I have the option and you think I would use it."

"Don't tell me what I'm saying and don't tell me what I think!"

"Whatever." He withdrew. She saw the familiar wall going up, shutting her out.

"Right, do what you always do. That makes me feel better about having a baby with you." She snickers and looks out of the window.

They were still arguing in the car when the final bell rang. Neither would back down. Jordan was deeply offended by her saying he could cut out anytime. She was horrified at the thought that he would want her to do something she didn't want to do. They got out of the car, each of them fuming. There was no hand holding or kissing this morning. They went to their locker in silence and then parted ways in silence.

Angela enters the girl's bathroom where she finds Sharon.

"You okay?" Angela asks as she leans against the wall trying to focus on her friend, but in truth, her thoughts are still in the car and the ongoing argument with Jordan.

"Yeah. This is how it's been for about two weeks. I can't keep anything down until lunchtime."

"You do this every day?"

"Yeah, and again at night."

"Wow."

"Yeah. So, did Patty wig out on you?"

"When she got home Jordan was there and she yelled at both of us. I guess your mom called her at the shop. I'm actually surprised it took her as long as it did to call. I guess she needed a little time to figure out how to break the news."

"I knew my mother couldn't keep her mouth shut for long, but I didn't think she would get to your mom before I got home. I decided to tell her because I knew she was going to rat you out."

"My mom spent the entire weekend telling me about the pros and cons of every possible form of birth control and my dad is about ten minutes away from sending me to a convent and we're not even Catholic."

"I'm so sorry Angela. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"I know, don't worry about it. I'm sure what I'm going through is nothing compared to what you went through this weekend. I didn't want to call, y'know with everything that was going on. I figured you'd call me if you needed me. So, what happened?"

"When I got home, my mom was telling me that she saw you at the pharmacy and that you might be pregnant. She told me that she talked to your mom and she wanted to know if I knew about it and why didn't I tell her. When I told her that it was me you were buying the tests for, she just about choked. We didn't tell my dad. We talked about what I wanted to do and I told her that we made an appointment at the clinic; she said she would take me, so Jordan doesn't have to pick us up."

"He wasn't going to."

"What? I thought you said you'd talk to him."

"I did and we had a huge fight; that we're still having. He's really mad and he's being completely unreasonable."

"About what?"

"It's crazy. He was going on about like 'what if it was us, would you get rid of it and not even talk to me about it?' Then he got mad because I pointed out that we were still in high school. I think he thought I was calling him stupid for being 17 and still in the 10th grade, which I totally wasn't doing." She sighs deeply. "It was going so well, I should've known something would ruin it."

"Chase Face, you so don't get it."

"That's what he said." Angela responded in an exaggerated tone.

"He's trying to tell you that he loves you. Most guys would leave it up to you to deal with it, like you magically got pregnant or something, cuz of course _they _had _nothing _to do with it. He's telling you that he would be there for you. It's not about _a baby_, it's about _your baby_."

"Really? You think that's what's going on with him?" Sharon nods and gets teary eyed.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. It's just so sweet."

Each of them had avoided their locker, fearing that the other might be there and not wanting to get into it again, especially not with an audience of their peers.

She dreaded seeing him in Katimsky's and considered cutting, but she didn't want to abandon Sharon. In the end, it didn't matter, since he didn't show. She decided to look for him after class, figuring that he was probably in the parking lot.

After class, Sharon told her to go and find him, that she would be fine on her own. Angela made her way to the parking lot, but he wasn't there. He wasn't out by the bleachers either. Her stomach rumbled and she figured she should get something to eat. There was nothing appealing in the cafeteria, so she headed out the back to the vending machines and there he was. From where he stood, he couldn't see her. Although the whole point of her search, the very reason she'd ended up standing there at that moment, was to find him; her first thought was to turn around and leave, but she hated being apart from him and having this thing between them. She watched him for a few seconds more before rounding the corner and making herself visible to him. He looked like he was lost in thought and he didn't see her right away. He caught a glimpse of something and turned to face her.

"Hey."

He looked up at her but didn't respond. Stubbing out the cigarette he'd been smoking, he walked towards her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he ran his hands through her hair, his arms resting on her shoulders, his chin atop her head. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. They just seemed to drink each other in as if their estrangement from one another had somehow sapped their strength and they needed to recharge.

"We need to talk." She spoke just above a whisper.

She looked up into his eyes. He nodded and took her hand, leading her to the picnic table. He positioned himself atop the table with her seated on the plank bench beneath.

"I'm not sure we'll ever agree on this and hopefully we'll never have to find out, but I think I get what you were trying to say to me."

He snickered. "Yeah? Good, maybe you can explain it to me. 'Cuz at this point, _I'm_ not even sure what I mean anymore."

She took a deep breath.

"I think that you were trying to tell me that if we ever got pregnant, you'd be willing to stand by me. You wouldn't run out and leave me to deal with it on my own. Is that right?"

"So far." _At least she's saying 'we' now instead of 'me' or 'I.' That's gotta count for somethin'._

"Well, I don't know if you don't believe in abortion at all or if it's just abortion for us that bothers you, but I get that you wouldn't be so quick to get rid of it...because..." She hesitated, hoping that Sharon was right and that she wasn't about to put herself out there in a way from which she couldn't recover.

He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to finish.

"Because it wouldn't be just _any_ baby, it would be _our_ baby, yours and mine, and it would be a totally different situation than Sharon's."

She looked at him meekly, hoping that her interpretation was on target and she hadn't set herself up to look like a fool. Her eyes met his and a smile grew across his face. They were both relieved. Her, because she hadn't misread, or rather Sharon hadn't and him, because she finally seemed to understand what he couldn't seem to say.

"Look, I'm not saying it would be a good thing, but if it was ours, how could it be a bad thing?"

"But do you understand how I feel? What if you wanted me to have it and I didn't want to? The whole thing is like, terrifying and I just couldn't see myself being able to handle it."

He pulled her toward him and she joined him on the table, her hand in his.

"I'm not tryin' to let that happen in the first place. I just want to have something to say about it if it does."

She nodded in agreement.

He put his arm around her. "You know, you're really cute when you're mad."

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh." He kissed her and they spent the rest of their lunch in his car, together.

**A/N: Hope you liked it. Looking forward to hearing from you. **


	21. Chapter 21

"Hello?'

"Sure, hold on. Mom! Phone!"

Patty came into the kitchen and took the phone from Angela who had been sitting at the kitchen table trying to finish the last of her homework before going off to bed.

_My mom hired this guy, Eric, to replace my father. That sounds weird…to take over for him at the shop. He's nice and he seems to be working out. She said he was a godsend, able to step in and take over without missing a beat. She seems relieved, but she's still staying late at the shop. She can't like, let go. Now that she has Eric, she should be able to go back to her normal hours, but she's still coming home at almost eight o'clock. Sometimes, I think work is like, an escape for her or something. But what does she need to escape from? You know how there's something really uncomfortable going on and everyone knows it, but they don't say anything __because__ it's uncomfortable? That's what it feels like at home, like, all the time. _

"That sounds great, Eric. What a wonderful suggestion."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

Patty hangs up the phone and for the first time in a long while, there's a genuine smile on her face, accompanied by a loud sigh. Not the usual sort of lamenting sigh, this was almost a sigh of relief. Angela noticed the difference immediately, but as if there were some code of conduct by which she was bound, she refrained from asking what the 'wonderful idea' had been. She knew Patty was dying to discuss it and for that very reason, she refused to ask about it.

Patty went about the business of tidying the kitchen, although occasionally she would pause and sort of stare off into space.

"Okay, okay, what's going on?" Angela reluctantly asked.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"You're smiling and sighing, and it's really distracting. It's like, so obvious that you want me to ask you about your call, so I'm asking." She spat the words out.

"I'm just happy, that's all."

"I can see that; about what?"

"I'm happy that I found Eric. He's exactly what I needed. He suggested that he run the shop on Fridays, so that I can have a long weekend. He didn't even ask for anything in return, he just thought it would be nice for me to have some time to myself. Isn't that wonderful? I mean, I have no idea what I would do, but that's not the point is it?"

"He's like your Rickie, Mom."

"What?" Patty looked confused.

"That sounds like something Rickie would do for me. He's like your Rickie. That's a good thing. Everyone should have a friend like Rickie. It keeps you sane." Angela let out an abbreviated snort, thinking of all the ways in which Rickie had been there for her.

Patty laughed. "Sanity is good."

"So you have no idea what you would do with your Fridays? Summer's coming; a four day week would be cool." Angela knew exactly what she would do and with whom.

"I really have no idea. I'll have to think about it."

As Angela gathered up her books, placing them into her backpack, she thought to herself what a waste a free day would be for her mother.

_She'll probably spend the day reorganizing something or reupholstering something. _

Meanwhile, Patty was lost in thought. She considered how nice it would be to get away with Graham, but that was highly unlikely with the restaurant in full swing and Saturdays being prime time. This would really be "me" time for her and she had no idea what to do. She wasn't the hair and nails type and she had never been able to sleep past seven, so sleeping in wasn't even something to put on the list. She thought maybe she'd take a course or do some volunteer work at the church or something. She was sure Camille would have a long list of suggestions, many involving the both of them. Patty decided that she would give Camille a call in the morning and get her input.

They pulled into the parking lot, which was nearly empty save for a few cars that probably belonged to teachers. He'd been early this morning and she was ready when he arrived, so they got to school with more time than usual to kill. Normally, this kind of extra time led to all manner of pawing and panting, but there was something less urgent about their liaisons lately.

Since her birthday, they had been exploring each other with the unspoken understanding that it would go no further than mutual gratification and while she was intensely curious about what it would be to be connected in that way, she somehow couldn't take the next step. He seemed satisfied with the way things were and that put her more at ease as well. She was curious about how his body worked and though she was rarely able to ask a direct question, somehow he knew what it was she wanted to know and would provide her with answers.

She had been afraid that the more physical they got, the less substance there would be to the relationship. Though they weren't having actual sex, she feared that all of their time alone would consist of groping and such. Much to her surprise, they spent a substantial amount of time with their clothes on and in an upright position.

He listened as she talked about the weird vibe she was getting at home, like something was going on, but no one would talk about it and even though she wasn't sure what "it" was, she was sure it wasn't good. As he listened, he was reminded of his encounter with Cynthia Hargrove the week before. Cynthia had said it was as if nothing happened, but that's not how it felt to him. He felt like he'd cheated, even though her kisses and her touches meant absolutely nothing to him. Still, he felt like he had wronged Angela. He'd never tell her what happened and he had no doubt that Cynthia would keep his confidence, but it was eating at him like a lie that hung in the air between them.

They were just sitting together in the backseat of the car together now. She was lying on his chest and they were talking about this and that. Sharon had been on her mind all night and all morning. Sharon and Camille had gone to the clinic the day before. Angela wanted to call, but she didn't know what to say.

"Could you drop me off at Sharon's after school?"

"You're not comin' to practice tonight?"

"I think I should go and be with her. She went yesterday…to the clinic."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."

They were quiet for a moment. He played with her hair; she fiddled with a button on his shirt.

"I wonder if she's okay. I mean, _can _you be okay after something like that?"

"Did she tell him?"

"No, I don't think so. She didn't see the point, since she isn't going to have it and they're not together anymore, so..."

"I still say he should know. Even if he doesn't care what she does about it, he should at least know that he caused it, y'know?"

"It wouldn't matter if he knew. He's a total jerk. I don't know what she ever saw in him."

"I bet she says the same about me." He laughed.

Angela walked into the Girls' bathroom to find Sharon washing her face.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be home today. I was gonna come by after school."

"Nope. I'm here…barely."

"Are you okay? I mean, how do you feel?"

"Pregnant."

"What? I thought…"

"I couldn't do it. First, I was in the waiting room and there was this girl who looked like she was our age and she was ready to pop. She seemed happy though, even excited. She was talking to the receptionist about how active the baby was and then I went into the room and saw all the instruments and everything and there was this little garbage can-looking thing at the end of the table and I thought, 'that's where they're going to put it when they take it out? Like garbage?' and then I just started crying and I couldn't stop."

"So, you're going to have it?" Sharon sighed heavily as she nodded. "Whoa."

"I know. I'm crazy, right? I should've just done it, but I couldn't. It would be so much easier if I could, y'know just let it go, but I keep thinking, it's like this teeny, tiny person and who am _I_ to say that it doesn't have a right to like, exist? Sharon had unconsciously moved her hand over her belly in a somewhat protective manner.

"What did your mother say?"

"It's my choice and that whatever I decide she'll support me. I don't think she wanted me to do it. She seemed relieved or something when we left."

"What about your dad? Did you tell him?" Angela pictured Andy Cherski as she had seen him months ago, in a hospital bed with tubes going in and out of him, a worried Camille at his side. She was sure something like this would kill a person with a weak heart. As far as she knew her heart was just fine, but the whole ordeal had given her own ticker quite a workout.

"I couldn't. I was too scared. My mom talked to him last night."

"Is he okay?"

"That's the weirdest part of this whole thing. I thought he'd have another heart attack or something and I'd be like, responsible for killing him, but he was fine. I mean, he wasn't happy about it and I think he'd like to see Kyle dead, but he said that it wasn't the worst thing that could happen and that he's just happy that he's still here to support me through it. Then I got a lecture about being irresponsible and breaking their trust."

"I can't believe he didn't flip out."

"I know. I guess having a heart attack made him look at things differently or something. He's much more laid back than he used to be. If this had happened before the heart attack, I think he'd have killed us, both Kyle and me."

"Are you gonna tell Kyle?"

Sharon's posture changed. She seemed to fold in on herself as she began to answer.

"I have to. My mother said that she and my father will talk with his parents, but I think I should give him a heads up. I don't want his parents to be the ones to tell him."

"When are you gonna do it?"

"Today. I just want to get it over with."

Rayanne walked in just as Sharon finished her last sentence.

"Get what over with? Oh my God, did you do Vinovich again?"

Sharon couldn't help but laugh, which made Angela laugh.

"What's so funny?"

The bell rang just as Mr. Katimsky was issuing instructions for their next assignment.

"Ladies and uh, gentlemen, please remember to…cite quotations properly. Plagiarism will not be, ah, um, tolerated."

Jordan and Angela walked to their locker together and were soon joined by Shane.

Sharon walked up from the other direction, visibly upset. Angela stiffened, knowing that there could be only one explanation for her friend's emotional state.

"I'll see you later?" She handed her books to him, knowing that she wouldn't be in her next class.

"Yeah." He nodded, placing the books back in the locker.

She met Sharon part way and turned her in the direction of the parking lot, figuring that they could hide out in the car.

"What happened?"

"He said it wasn't his and he didn't know who else I'd been with, but he's not claiming it. Then he called me a…he said I was a…" She fell apart.

Brian turned the corner and bumped into them. Seeing Sharon in her current state, he assumed that her father was sick again.

"Move, Krakow!" Angela barked.

"What happened? Are you going to the hospital?"

"Why would we be going to the hospital, Brian?" An irritated Angela responded.

"I just figured that her dad was y'know, sick or something."

"Brian, we really can't talk right now, please move." Sharon was trying to pull herself together, not wanting to have to explain to anyone else what had transpired or the nature of her current predicament.

Brian cleared the way, watching as they walked toward the exit.

Angela and Sharon didn't get five feet before Kyle rounded the corner with a teammate, passing by both of them.

"Skank!" He spat the word at her as he passed.

Angela was infuriated and spun on her heels to let him know it.

"What did you say to her?"

"I said skank, 'cuz that's what she is."

Sharon was crying again. Brian watched as the drama played out before him.

"And what are you, Kyle? An idiot? A moron? You have a lot of nerve, you know that? She didn't do this to herself!"

"Who says it was me? She was only with me for the sex, so who's to say she wasn't doin' some other guy too?" He turned to his friend, "Hey, Rob, did you do her? You can tell me; I won't get mad." He and his friend laughed.

Sharon lost it.

"You sonofabitch, you were the only one and you know it!"

Kyle stepped forward, toward Sharon, and Angela took a step toward Kyle. Before he could really think about what he was about to do, Brian got between them.

"Look, uh- the bell rang, so, we should, um, get to class." He tried to sound confident, but suddenly realized that he was standing between the girls and one very angry football player. He backed up just enough so that he felt that the girls were a safe distance from Kyle.

"This is none of your business." Kyle growled and both he and his teammate closed the distance between them and Brian. "Get outta my face, Krakow!"

"I can't do that." He didn't know where this courage was coming from and he was sure it was all going to go very badly for him, but he wasn't going to let Kyle near Angela or Sharon.

Kyle pushed him and his books went flying. Angela advanced.

"Leave him alone, Kyle!" She was seething.

"Or what? You gonna get your boyfriend to beat me up?" He mocked. "Look at me, I'm so scared." He continued to mock her and pushed Brian again. Angela attempted to get between the two, but Brian wouldn't let her and just when he turned from telling her to stay back, Kyle hit him in the face. He saw stars.

"Kyle!" Sharon was screaming "Oh my God, what did you hit him for?"

Angela picked up one of Brian's books and threw it at Kyle's head, barely missing him and just as Kyle was about to advance once more, a teacher emerged from his classroom and intervened, sending everyone to Mr. Foster's office.

Shane and Jordan were coming in from having a smoke when they saw Angela, Sharon, and Brian leaving the principal's office.

"Damn, Brain, what happened?" A bruise was beginning to form on his cheek, the evidence of his earlier encounter with Kyle's fist.

"Kyle hit him! That's what happened!" Angela was fuming and having to say it out loud only rekindled her anger.

Jordan moved toward Brian to get a closer look. Shane moved in for a better look too.

"Popped his cherry, huh?" Shane was sure Brian had never been in a fight before in his life.

"Looks like." Jordan stepped back. "Put some ice on it, you'll be okay." Turning to Angela, "And why were _you_ in there?"

Angela recounted the story to Jordan and Shane who kept looking at each other as if having a silent conversation. The bell rang and the group disbanded with half the story still needing to be told. Angela told Jordan she'd meet him after class, Brian and Jordan headed off to tutoring and Shane and Sharon went their separate ways.

Brian kept touching his face, which was throbbing now.

"Brain, you should go home. You look like crap, Bro."

"I'm fine."

"Did you at least get a shot in?"

"No. I didn't even see it coming."

"Cheap shot." Jordan shook his head in disgust. "Pussy move." It was obvious that Brian was outmatched; he saw no need for Kyle to have hit him.

"Whatever."

"Look, don't feel bad. It happens."

"Can we not talk about this?" Brian could actually feel his face swelling.

Jordan nods.

"Just finish your draft so I can proof it and then we'll be done for today."

Jordan hands him a sheet of paper.

"What's this?"

"Finished it last night." Brian was impressed. "I used the stuff you showed me with the last paper and it wasn't so hard."

"Okay, well, I'm just going to take it home and proof it. I'll get it back to you tomorrow."

"Did your girl see it yet?" He pointed to Brian's bruised cheek.

"No."

"Listen, when she sees it, she's gonna freak out and then she's gonna be all over you; go with it."

"What are you talking about?" They both stood up and gathered their things.

Jordan leaned, in as if telling him a secret.

"They say they hate it when you fight, but it gets them all worked up. Just go with it. Trust me." A sneaky grin formed on his face.

As Brian placed his bag across his shoulder, he very tentatively began to speak.

"So, um, you should like, know something." He hesitated briefly. "I think Kyle was going to hit her."

"Hit who?"

"Angela. Sharon. Both of them."

"Yeah, well lucky for him you were there."

"You mean lucky for the girls." Brian corrected him thinking that Jordan had mixed up his words.

"No, I mean lucky for _him._ Don't worry about it. I got it." The seriousness of his tone and his stony face made it clear that he had meant exactly what he'd said in exactly the order in which he'd said it.

They met in the boiler room.

"You okay?" He put his arms around her and hugged her. "Your friend took a nice hit for you guys." He said, referring to Brian.

"I know. I can't believe he did that. I hope he's okay." _Poor Brian, he was only trying to do the right thing._

"He'll be fine."

"Foster benched Kyle for the rest of the year."

"Football's over." He said, not understanding how this constituted a punishment.

"Baseball."

"Oh."

They kissed tentatively at first and then more urgently. The door open and he shushed her. Getting caught in the boiler room was an automatic suspension and that was the last thing either of them needed. They remained hushed for a few minutes until they were sure the coast was clear.

He went to kiss her, but she turned away.

"What's wrong?"

"This isn't right." She broke free of his hold and moved away from him.

"What isn't right?"

"This. What we're doing."

"We've been doing _this_ for awhile, what's the problem?" He wore a smirk on his face.

"What's the problem? You can't be serious." She looked at him like he had six heads. "Oh, I don't know. I'm making out with you in the boiler room while I'm carrying someone else's child!"

"I guess." He shrugged. "The kid _is_ kind of a third wheel, y'know?"

"Shane, be serious. This isn't funny."

He put his arms around her and whispered into her ear.

"Actually, it kinda is."

She huffed at him.

"So we're making out a little in the boiler room, so what?" He shrugged.

"I'm pregnant!"

"I heard." He giggled again

"I swear, you are the worst." She melted into his hold, realizing that resistance at this point was futile.

"Yeah?" He snickered. "I kinda thought I was _the best_. That's what you told me the other night." He said as he kissed her neck, which forced a peal of giggles from her.

"Shut up."

"You first." He covered her mouth with his, making it impossible for her to continue.

And while she fully enjoyed what she was doing at that moment, she couldn't help wonder how they'd ended up here, in each other's arms, in the boiler room of all places. Neither of them had told anyone about their relationship, if you could even call it that, and neither had any plans of sharing any time soon. Truth be told, neither of them would know what to say, what to call it. They weren't exactly a thing, but somehow, they kept ending up like this, creeping and hiding, kissing and touching. There were no strings, no obligations. She didn't feel the least bit possessive of him and doubted that he felt any differently about her. It was purely physical. She loved the way he kissed and the fact that he appreciated her curves, without making her feel self-conscious. It was easy and comfortable. When they were together, they were together and when they weren't, they weren't. There were no obligatory phone calls, no explanations. They were free agents, who just happened to enjoy each other's company from time to time. Easy.

_Tonight we're meeting with Kyle's parents. He was such an ass when I told him about the baby. I asked him not to say anything to anyone yet. I just needed some time to process it myself, y'know? So, what does he do? Tell all of the other buttheads. Thank God for Angela. If she hadn't stuck with me for the past few days, I don't know how I'd have made it through. So here I am, getting ready to face another day of pointing and whispering. _

_June can't come fast enough for me. I guess I should've expected it. I mean no one ever talks about the guy; it's always the girl who's a slut or stupid for getting pregnant. Kyle's life hasn't changed a bit. He still gets to play football in the fall and I'll probably be cut from the squad by next week, even though the doctor said I could continue until it becomes uncomfortable or I become a freakin' house. _

_I'll say one thing; something like this separates your real friends from the posers. It's only been a few days and my cheerleading "friends" have completely abandoned me. They treat me like pregnancy is contagious, like I have the plague or something. And that Cathy Kadem is the worst of them. She acts like this couldn't be her. She's slept with at least two guys on the team and I know for a fact that she didn't use any protection._

_Angela and I started this year barely speaking to each other and now she's like my bodyguard. It's funny how dramatically your life can change in just a few days._

"Hey Cherski, did I miss the morning upchuck?"

"No, you're just in time, as a matter of fact." Sharon entered the stall and began her morning ritual.

Rickie walked in just as Sharon emerged from the stall, red faced and disheveled. She rinses her mouth and as she straightens up over the sink she stumbles a little. Rickie catches her before she can do any damage.

"Are you okay?" He walks her to the windowsill and helps her up. "Sit."

"Yeah, it comes and goes. I have to move slowly when I'm getting up or I get dizzy. Sometimes I forget."

"Seems like a lot of trouble to go through for someone you really don't want around in the first place."

"Rayanne!" Rickie snapped at her.

"I'm just saying, it's not like she's happy about it. Her body's been like, hijacked." Rayanne continues as she searches in her bag for a lollipop.

Rickie's mouth drops open and he begins to turn red.

"I heard somewhere if you suck on a lollipop, you won't hurl as much. I know I have a Tootsie Pop in here somewhere. Man, when I was drinking I always had like a dozen of 'em in here. Now, I can't find one. Sobriety sucks."

Rickie looked out of the window as he tried to rein in his anger at Rayanne's insensitivity.

"Ah! Found one. Here ya go. Suck on that." She handed the lollipop to Sharon and chuckled. "If I'd given you that advice a few months ago, you wouldn't be in this fix." And with that she let out a belly laugh. Sharon was too busy trying to fight back the latest wave of nausea to be the least bit concerned with Rayanne's comments.

"Get out!" Rickie lost his temper for the first time in a long time. "I mean it, get out now!"

"Okay, alright, I'm goin'. Don't pop a blood vessel. Geez!"

Rickie turned to Sharon who was just trying to get the room to stop spinning.

"She's like, I don't even know. She's worse than usual. Just ignore her. You have to do what's right for you, Sharon and if having the baby is right for you then that's what you do."

"Honestly Rickie, I don't know if I really _want _to have this baby, but I just know that I can't get rid of it either, so…" Sharon sat looking defeated.

"I know I can't like, begin to understand what you're going through, but I kinda know the other side of this, the baby's side of it. All it wants is a mom who will love it and protect it and I think you'll be a great mom."

"Thanks." Sharon's eyes fill with tears. "God, I cry for everything."

"It's okay." Rickie gives her a hug. "Let me do something with that hair and we'll get a little color on your face and you'll be fine, okay?"

Sharon nods, unable to stem the flow of tears.

Brian saw Angela standing at her locker alone and considered walking over to her, but thought better of it. Angela was more than civil toward him, but he thought maybe he shouldn't push it. He knew he had a tendency to rub her the wrong way and he was enjoying being on the right side of her for the moment. He wanted to prolong it for as long as possible and the key to that seemed to be interaction in small doses.

Things between them had been great ever since he'd taken a punch for her and Sharon earlier in the week. It seemed that what Jordan had told him applied not only to Amy, but to Angela and Sharon as well. These days, they both regarded him with something akin to respect, a heretofore non-existent dynamic between them.

Jordan had been so right. Amy feigned annoyance and called the whole thing barbaric, but when he winced in pain from placing an icepack on his face, she stopped mid-sentence and began trying to comfort him. She scolded him for being foolish and in the next breath said she was proud of him for standing up for his friends. Before he knew what was happening she was kissing him and touching him in ways he'd only dreamed about.

He went with it, just as Jordan had advised, even though he wasn't exactly sure where or how far it would go. Part of him was elated when she opened the button on his pants, actually several parts of him were elated, but he was also absolutely terrified. He didn't know what to do; if he should touch her the same way or just relax and enjoy it. Eventually, pleasure overtook rational thought and he allowed her to do whatever she wanted, making no attempt to reciprocate. He began to have thoughts as to what it would be like to have her do other things that he'd seen in movies and heard guys in the locker room talk about, but decided that all of that was probably too much to hope for and he should just be grateful that she saw fit to touch him at all. When it was over he told himself that he would never doubt Jordan Catalano again.

As he stood there lost in thought, Rayanne came up behind him and nearly scared him to death. He dropped his binder to waist level, hoping against hope that his reaction had been smooth enough to avoid notice.

"So, Krakow? How's it hangin'?"

"Hey." He replied nervously.

Rayanne stood back and regarded him for a moment, making Brian self-conscious.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

"Yeah…satisfaction." Her eyebrows were knitted together and she spoke slowly, as if she were observing a rare and important event.

"What? I never know what you're talking about, Graf." Rickie spotted them and though he was still annoyed with Rayanne because of her earlier remarks about Sharon's baby, he thought he should probably rescue Brian. He also realized that his anger served no purpose, since the morning's events were probably a distant memory to Rayanne at this point.

"Hey, what are we talking about?" He stood at Rayanne's side, looking between her and Brian.

Rayanne had a gleam in her eye, as she toyed with the Twizzler protruding from her mouth.

"Well, well, well. Rickie, it seems our little boy is growing up." A slow, wide, grin had formed on her lips and Brian knew he was in trouble.

"Huh?"

"Krakow here has gone out and gotten himself some. Look how relaxed he is."

"Rayanne, what are you talking about? Leave him alone." Rickie tugged at her arm in a vain attempt to distract her.

"Isn't that right, Krakow? You've tasted the forbidden fruit and you liked it."

Brian turned at least a dozen shades of red.

"I have to go."

He turned and walked away as Rayanne shouted after him.

"Didn't know you had it in ya! Oh, I guess you don't anymore, do you?"

**A/N: Hi Folks. Happy Summer! I have quite a bit of writing to get out during the summer months, so check back every couple of weeks. Thanks to all of you who reviewed my last chapter. I'm looking forward to feedback on this one. Big thanks to GNG23, for her beta-riffic proofreading and excellent suggestions. 'Til next time…**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"I can't believe you're not going to be here! Dad, it's Mother's Day!"

"It's a big day for us at the restaurant. We were getting reservations a month ago. We're overbooked for the first time since we opened. That's huge. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a new restaurant to get that kind of following?"

Angela stood, arms folded across her chest, her eyes boring holes into him.

"Sweetie, I know you're disappointed, but your mother understands and we'll have our own Mother's Day celebration afterwards."

"You know what? Don't worry about it. _I'll_ take care of it. I'm not going to let the day go by with nothing, so you can plan whatever for whenever, but _I'm_ gonna do something for her!"

She turned and stormed out of the room with Graham calling after her.

"Angela!"

"What?" She yelled over her shoulder as she stomped through the living room and towards the staircase.

"Don't talk to me that way." Graham stood eye to eye with her.

"Whatever."

"Angela, I hardly get to see you girls anymore and I'd rather not spend my first day off in weeks fighting with you. I don't expect you to understand, but you will when you're older. It's just what I have to do. That's part of being a business owner."

"Mom has owned a business for my whole life and it's never caused her to miss anyone's birthday or Father's day or anything. Enjoy your day off!"

She stomped up the stairs to her room and slammed the door. While Patty was often not on the list of her favorite people, Angela felt she deserved some appreciation. It was only right. She had sacrificed for this restaurant and put in long hours in at her own business to make sure that their family had everything it needed and it angered her that her father didn't feel the same way. She went to her parent's room and dialed Sharon's number.

"Hey, what are you doing for your mom on Sunday?"

_Mother's Day, it never meant much to me before. I mean, it meant the same as it does to most kids I guess, but by this time next year, __I'll__ like, __be__ a mom and...I'll-be-a-mom. Someone's mother… How is that even possible? How can __I__ be somebody's mother when I've only been a daughter for like, fifteen years and the first like five or so don't even like, count because I didn't even really understand what it meant to be a daughter or what Mother's Day was. I still can't believe this is actually happening to me. I keep going to the bathroom looking to see if maybe this was a huge mix up and my period will like, show up, only it never does. _

_I can see the changes in my body already. I'm not even that far along, but its starting already. My boobs are killing me; they feel huge. Angela swears they don't look any different because according to her, "huge is just, huge" and so she says the change would have to be dramatic to be noticeable, but I notice it. My clothes feel different on my body. It's not so much that they're tight, at least not yet, it's more like I can't stand anything touching my stomach, so I've been wearing a lot of dresses. Shane says my ass is bigger, but of course, he likes it; meanwhile, I feel like I should beep every time I back up._

_My mom made plans to go to this Mother's Day event at our church. I can't go, I just can't. I feel…ashamed. My mom keeps telling me that Mary was a pregnant teenager too and that I should keep my head up, but Mary was a virgin when she got pregnant and the father of her baby was God, not Kyle Vinovich, king of the dumb asses. Not quite the same thing. _

Jordan placed his guitar in its case while Shane gathered up the last of the trash generated by their practice session.

"How come I always end up playing housekeeper?" He griped.

"Cuz you make the biggest mess. Half that sh*t you picked up was yours."

"Yeah, well, I'm not doing it next time."

"I don't care who does it, I just don't want to hear Tino's mouth when his uncle starts bitchin' about us wrecking the place."

Shane grumbled as he carried the garbage down the stairs, following Jordan out of the building.

"When you're done with that, you can wash my car." Jordan chuckled.

"F*ck you, a**hole."

Jordan laughed again.

"Here." He handed Shane a cigarette.

Shane leaned up against the red convertible and lit up.

"What time is it?"

"Almost ten." Shane glanced at his watch. "We better get going. Patrick's train should be getting in soon."

"Kate's gonna kick your ass for not telling her." Jordan said as he lit up his own cigarette.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll get over it."

"She hates surprises."

"True, but she loves presents and she's getting a whole weekend's worth, so she better not bitch about it."

Jordan laughed. He was relieved that they weren't doing the traditional Mother's Day thing. Another lame dinner at a crowded restaurant was not his idea of fun. He didn't think he could sit through another one of those. It felt forced and weird, like they were on a TV show or something.

As Mother's Day gifts and celebrations went, this was one of Shane's best ideas. Kate had been complaining about the state of the house and the yard for months, so Shane decided that a little landscaping and painting was in order. With the younger boys, now big enough to help, and Patrick home, it was more than manageable.

"What's it gonna run us?" Jordan asked, making his way to the driver's side of the car.

"I guess, like $50. Patrick'll make up the difference."

Jordan squinted as he turned the key in the ignition.

"What do you need in total?"

"For paint, plants and all the other stuff, like $200, I guess."

"Done." He pulled out of the parking space and they headed to the train station downtown to retrieve the elder Donnelly.

"What? No. We all put in."

"Anthony left me like $300 and it would really piss him off to know I spent it on her. You can have all of it." They both laughed.

"Well, when you put it that way, I'd be happy to take your money. He's in Philly?"

"Yeah, all week...Mama's boy." Jordan snickered. "Better for me."

Shane nodded, fully understanding.

"I figure if we use both cars, we can pick up everything on Friday night and we'll start early on Saturday."

"That'll work." They pulled into the parking lot and waited for Patrick's train to arrive.

Jordan was surprised to find himself actually looking forward to the weekend and their little celebration. It was no different than spending the weekend hanging out with your brothers. They'd probably end up throwing back a few cold ones over the grill, so it wouldn't really seem like Mother's Day at all.

Mother's Day was a reminder of lots of things he hated to think about like, not the least of which was whether or not his own mother was sitting somewhere on Mother's Day thinking about him. The other thought that immediately followed was, how could she not be? With his birthday falling within the same week, how could she forget?

"Angela, I appreciate all your effort, but I'm going to go to the Mother's Day brunch at Camille's church and then Eric and his boyfriend want to have me over, so really, it's ok, you don't need to feel pressured to do anything."

"But it's _Mother's Day_, shouldn't you're kids be with you?" Angela couldn't believe that she was actually arguing to spend more time with her mother. She just didn't feel like her mother should be shorted because of her father's responsibilities.

"I know Sharon would rather be anywhere other than a Mother's Day Brunch at church, so I think you should spend the day with her. Try and take her mind off of things. Honestly, I don't mind at all. Your gift to me can be to take care of your sister for the day. Maybe you all can have a girl's day out or something."

"I guess. If you're sure that it's okay for us not to be with you."

"I'm sure. The fact that you even _wanted_ to spend the day with me is a pretty big gift in itself."

"God, Mom! You make it sound like I hate you or something. Do you always have to ruin everything?" Angela stood with her arm stiff at her side.

"What? Angela, I'm just saying that you usually don't want to spend time with me, so your thoughtfulness means a lot to me."

"Whatever, I was just trying to do the right thing, but if you'd rather spend the day with your friends, fine. I'm sure I can find something to do with Sharon." Angela turned on her heels and waked out of the room.

"Angela." Patty called after her but got no response.

"Can you believe that? He actually said he was too busy. Too busy for his family. What kind of crap is that?"

Jordan was amused by her attempt at profanity. She was obviously angry and frustrated, but somehow, she still couldn't say sh*t. It was strangely attractive. She asked a question and he was caught off guard.

"Huh?"

"You and Shane, you guys are doing something for his mom, right?"

Jordan frowned; he wasn't entirely comfortable talking about his relationship to the Donnelly's. He'd told her about his own mother and how Kate had helped to raise him, but he had no intention of discussing it further.

"Uh, yeah." He responded tentatively.

"See, everyone is doing something with their mom. Even Brian, whose parents are never home and Rayanne, whose mom doesn't even act like a mom. I don't get it. _She_ doesn't want us to do anything and _he's_ not even going to be home, what kind of Mother's Day is that?" Her voice broke a little on the last part of the sentence and he could see the shift in her mood. The anger had passed and had been replaced by sadness.

Rather than speak, he pulled her close to him and kissed the top of her head. He'd learned in the last few months that he didn't need to know exactly what to say when she was upset about something, he just needed to be there. This had been a difficult lesson for him at first. Once, when he had been avoiding her because she was upset about something her father did and he had no clue what to say to her, Shane had given him some sage advice, _"Look, chicks can't help but talk, so eventually she's gonna tell you what's wrong. Thing is, it doesn't really matter; you just put your arm around her and listen. Trust me, works every time."_ Acting on Shane's analysis, he found that if he put his arms around her and remained quiet, but stuck by her, she would often explain the problem without him having to ask. As if on cue, she spoke.

"It feels like everything is changing. Like my family is falling apart." She refused to cry, but it was a struggle. She felt stupid for wasting their time on this, but she couldn't shake the feeling that her future would be more like this and less like it had been before her parents stopped working together.

Again, he said nothing.

"Can we hang out here for awhile?" She looked up at him, questioning.

"Yeah, my old man's not gonna be here, so, whatever."

He tried to play down how happy he was that she'd decided not to go back out. He was quite content right where he was and to know that she was content to be there with him for the next few hours suited him just fine.

She kissed him gently and then surprised him by rolling over to straddle him. The way she looked at him made him feel a thousand things at once. He wanted to protect her, _but from what?_ He asked himself. He wanted to give her what she needed, but he had no idea whatsoever, what that might be. He reached up and kissed her as if his life depended on it. She surprised him again by responding in kind. There was a sense of desperation in the way she clung to him, which only made him want to protect her all the more.

He often wondered what it would be like to have her spend the night. Not so much the sex, though that was never far from his thoughts in general, but what it would feel like to share his bed, his morning with her. He'd never been with anyone like that and certainly never in his own house. The few times he'd woken up with a woman, it wasn't deliberate, it was simply the result of being completely ripped and passing out together and it was always disorienting and weird. He imagined it would be altogether different to feel the warmth of _her_ body next to his, to wake up and find her right there beside him, to not wonder what she looked like when she was sleeping because he could see it for himself.

His thoughts were cut short by a demanding tug of his shirt as she tried to remove it. He laughed to himself at how far things had come and how much further they still had to go. _At least she's not sad anymore_, he thought as he reciprocated.

Things progressed as usual, hands everywhere, passionate kisses, staggered breathing. His hands cupped her breasts and she sighed. He quickly became frustrated with the awkwardness of trying to reach inside her bra to reach her bare skin, so he broke his rule about keeping one final barrier between them, unfastening it. She made no motion to stop him, so he removed it and tossed it aside. He flipped her on her back and perched himself above her, staring down into her eyes. She tried to put her hands over her tiny breasts, a blush forming on her cheeks.

"Don't." He whispered, taking her hands in his and lifting them above her head as he kissed her. He thought to himself, she really had no need to be self-conscious, they were perfect.

He lingered on her neck before moving on; finally fulfilling a desire that he'd been fighting for months. He kissed each little rosebud softly, eliciting a breathy moan from their owner. Encouraged, he proceeded to nibble them, which caused her breath to catch in her throat. He took the first one into his mouth and reveled in the feel of it. So as not to be accused of playing favorites, he drew in the other. At that moment, he wasn't even concerned with the effect it was having on her, this was just something he'd been dying to do; the fact that it appeared to cause her to melt into his bed was a bonus.

Today, he decided, he would introduce her to an ability she probably didn't know she had. As he continued to lavish attention on the tiny mounds before him, she made the familiar cat-like sound, arched her back and tensed. Once she relaxed, disappointment registered on her face. He smiled, understanding that she was disappointed at how quickly it had all happened. Without missing a beat, his hand followed the curve of her hip to the waistband of her jeans. She seemed confused for a minute, as if she thought there could be nothing more and then as he eased his hand under the fabric, she shuddered. Kissing her, he rolled onto his side and eased her pants down, careful to keep her panties in place, fearing that the temptation would be too much. Once the pants were off, he resumed his exploration.

It took almost nothing to get her going. The slightest touch would set off a flood. He found it flattering, this response, and he wondered if she felt the same. He was sure that the physical evidence of his arousal had not gone unnoticed by her, but didn't know if she was aware that it was entirely due to how she excited and tortured him. The first time she encountered it, she was taken aback. He remembered how tentative she'd been about touching him once she discovered that certain aspects of a man's arousal matched a woman's, until she realized that his condition would facilitate the very act she had been intent upon engaging in. He thought about how quickly she caught on. Just before he was about to instruct her on the superpowers of a rightly placed thumb, she did it on her own, sending waves of pleasure through him. She always seemed to be thankful for his patience and instruction, but he thought _he_ should be thanking _her_ for teaching him that sex should not be comparable to fast food, but rather the equivalent of a six-course meal. From him, she had learned many things about sex; from her, he had learned one very important thing, how to savor the moment.

The heat she radiated was so inviting, he knew better than to dwell on it. The more he thought about how warm and soft and tight she would be, the more frustrated he became with the limits that had been set and the more excited he became at the anticipation of fully experiencing her. He shifted his attention to the task at hand, so to speak. His expert manipulation had her tensed up and going over the edge again within minutes. He chanced a quick look at her face and mixed with the ecstasy was a trace of surprise.

Once again, he was atop her. He felt the button on his jeans pop open and the zipper fall. He reached down to help her, but she stopped him with a move similar to the one he'd used on her just a little while before. She was full of surprises today. He felt a tug on either side of his pants, inching them down, but her hands were in his hair. It occurred to him that she had to be doing this with her feet and for whatever reason; he thought it was the most erotic thing he'd experienced in a long time. Whenever she took control, even the slightest bit, it heightened the whole experience for him.

Each time they did this, he was amazed at how satisfying not having actual sex could be. It was a balancing act, pain and pleasure, surrender and denial. It was difficult to bear, but its reward was far more than he could have imagined. While he wanted nothing more than to be inside of her, to feel her around him, and nothing could stifle that longing, he was truly shocked at the mind-blowing orgasms he'd had with her. The tension of knowing there was only so far you could go and being permitted to go to the very edge of that line without crossing it, was in itself exciting. Wondering every time, if this would be _the_ time took their romps to an entirely different level. He wondered just how far she was willing to go without having actual intercourse.

Something about today was slow and easy. There were moments when he just delighted in the feel of her skin against his, in the sounds she made and the look on her face when he would take her to the edge and then pull back. He took his time, teasing, and taunting her. He noticed that she was becoming more confident in their near lovemaking with each experience. Her instincts were good, her timing too. She taunted and teased right back and he loved every minute of it. She knew just how far was too far and she'd recently figured out that prolonging the time until his release made it much more powerful. At one point, she wiggled out from under him and pulled him up to a seated position. He had no idea where this was going, but he was happy to go along for the ride. She sat herself on his lap, legs wrapped around him and closed the gap between them. The rhythmic way she moved her hips proved to be more than he could stand and just when he thought it was over for him, she stopped. It almost caused him to beg, but then he turned the tables. This was a contest in which everyone was a winner. He was amazed at how creative they'd become given their…constraints. When they finally let go of themselves, nearly an hour later, he was starving and she was exhausted.

As they lay there deciding what to eat, he thought about what she was going through at home and how she must be feeling abandoned in a way. Maybe it was the euphoria of having taken Angela to the mountaintop three times within an hour that had him feeling carefree and invincible or maybe it was just his growing need to be there for her and protect her, but before he could really consider the consequences, the words came pouring out of his mouth.

"On Sunday…you could come to Shane's, if you want."

It was as if he could see the words as they escaped him and even before the last one was said, he regretted them. _What the f*ck am I doing? Her and Kate in the same room? Maybe she won't come. Yeah, right, a chance to get all her questions answered. Right, she'll pass on that._

"I don't know. I'm going to have Danielle with me and you know what a pain she is. Plus, Sharon will be with me all day too. We'll probably just go to the movies or something, but thanks."

Although she had declined the invitation, as he hoped, she sounded so sad and defeated that he couldn't stand it.

"Bring 'em."

"What?"

"Bring them with you."

"Are you sure? I mean, won't she just want her kids there?"

"I'm not her kid."

"Stop it. You are so her kid. You know what I mean. We're strangers."

"Come here, stranger, I wanna get to know you better." He pulled her on top of him and attacked her neck, making her giggle.

"My mother told me not to talk to strangers." She managed to say between squeals and giggles.

"I didn't plan on talking."

It was settled, Angela, her sister, and her best friend would be joining them. He had no idea how this would play out, but she was happy and that was really all that concerned him.

"Happy Mother's Day!" Patty sat up, surprised that the girls had managed to get up so early and make her a beautiful breakfast.

"Thank you, girls. It's beautiful." She surveyed the tray before her, which contained fresh fruit, baked eggs, Canadian bacon and toast.

"I tried to tell her that you're having breakfast at the church, but she insisted and since you won't let me put her in the dryer, I had no choice." Angela broke a little smile and handed Patty a small box.

"What's this?"

"Open it." Danielle urged.

Patty opened the box and found a locket with a picture of each of the girls inside. She choked up and found it difficult to speak.

"It's…I…Thank you." She reached out for them and hugged them tightly. "I love it. Help me put it on."

"I picked it out!" Danielle squealed and Angela rolled her eyes.

"So, what are you doing today? Taking Sharon somewhere?" Patty asked as she speared a piece of melon with her fork.

"Um, we're going to a friend's house. They're having a barbecue."

"That sounds nice. Sharon could use a nice day out. Camille says she's really depressed."

Angela had no desire to discuss her friend, especially not in front of Danielle, so she quickly changed the subject.

"That locket matches your dangly earrings, you should wear those to the brunch."

Patty played along, not wanting to upset the delicate balance of things, just for one day. Unfortunately, Danielle was not in on the plan.

"We're going to Shane's house. He's like Jordan's brother, except Jordan gave him a black eye, so I don't know what kind of brothers they are, but that's where we're going."

"God, could you be any more annoying?"

"I'm sure I could if I tried real hard." She stuck her tongue out.

"Okay, okay. Danielle Alexis Chase, you mind your sister today and I expect you to be on your best behavior. Do you hear me?"

It was Danielle's turn to roll her eyes.

"Whatever."

"Are you sure this is okay?" Sharon asked for the fourth time, as they walked up to Shane's house.

"Jordan invited us."

"No, Jordan invited _you_."

"I told him you'd be with me. He said it was okay."

"I just don't want to, y'know, intrude or anything."

Sharon was in an internal state of panic. Did Shane know she'd be there? Did he want her there? Did something change? Were they an item now? Why didn't he invite her himself? She had about a dozen questions more, but not a single answer. To make a bad situation worse, she realized on the way over that the smell of barbecue didn't exactly agree with her.

From the curb, they could see Jordan and Shane fighting with what seemed like a particularly obstinate shrub that refused to be dislodged.

"I'm doin' all the work." Shane complained. "Could you at least _pretend_ to be helping?" Shane yelled at Jordan, who was frustrated as well.

"How about you do it yourself and see how far you get? I told you, you gotta go deeper, the roots on this b*tch are ridiculous." Jordan let go of the shrub and stepped back several paces

"We don't need to dig anymore, just f*cking pull the thing out!" Shane yelled.

"Yell at me one more f*cking time and I'm gonna put _you _in the ground." Jordan responded.

On the other side of the yard were two younger boys, Shane's brothers, who were busy planting a bed of flowers.

Angela cleared her throat, while trying to stifle a giggle. Both boys looked up.

"Hey." Angela smiled at them.

"Hey." They responded in unison.

Jordan and Shane walked over to greet the trio, brushing dirt from their clothes and removing their work gloves. Sharon looked at Shane for some indication of how he felt about her being there, but something in the flowebed had caught his eye.

"What are you, blind or something?" He shouted at the pair of boys who were knee deep in flowers and mulch. "Why would you put Snapdragons next to Irises?" Huffing at the older of the two boys, Shane snatches the trowel from the boy's hand. "Gimme that." He begins to dig up the wrongly placed plants. "Zones, Bro, zones. Blues, purples, and white over there. Reds, yellows and oranges over here. I gotta do _everything_ myself?"

Jordan and the three girls could contain their amusement no longer.

"He's been like this all day." Jordan commented.

Patrick, who had been sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette and observing for the last 15 minutes, walked over and nodded at the girls before speaking to Jordan.

"Bro, do we need to take him dress shopping or what?" Patrick laughed, shook his head, and took a sip of his beer. "I go away for a few months and when I get back one brother's married and the other is a f*ckin' girl." Shane gave Patrick the finger.

Patrick set his beer down and motioned to the younger boys. "Come on you two; help me pull this thing outta the ground for your _sister_ over there." Sean and Stephen made no effort to contain their laughter as they followed Patrick over the offending shrub.

Shane picked up Patrick's beer and drained it before remembering what he had planned for the empty space Patrick and the boys were about to create.

"Make sure you space those Hostas half a foot apart…and don't forget the mulch."

"Yes ma'am." Patrick gave him a proper salute.

"F*ck you, kindly" Shane replied with a mock curtsey.

_Oh my God, I need a drink! Why are we even doing this? They would obviously rather be somewhere else, boning instead of here pretending to be a happy family, at least I know I would be. _

"This is nice. Isn't this nice, Raynie." Amber smiled at her daughter.

"Yeah, nice."

"Is something wrong, Raynie? You maybe have other plans tonight?" The edge in Amber's voice told her she was treading on thin ice.

"Nah, nah, this is…nice."

_Is it me, or are the walls like, actually closing in on us? _She'd been searching for a way out of the uncomfortable dinner date since before they left for the restaurant._ Maybe I could pay the hostess to page me? Ha! That would be a blast. 'I'm sorry Amber, Rusty, but I've got to go, it's an emergency.'_

"Take your elbows of the table, Rayanne."

_Uh-oh, that's never a good sign. Okay, we're on the countdown. 'This dinner will self-destruct in 15 minutes.'_ She said to herself using her best super spy impersonation.

"Rayanne, now's probably as good a time as any." Amber started and looked at Rusty.

_Oh God, please. Please don't say I'm having a little brother or sister. Please._

"Y'know how our lease is about to be up and the landlord has been a real sonofabitch? Well, Rusty and I decided that we should move in together."

"Just you and Rusty?"

"Rayanne Marie Graf! Why would you even say that? Of course not. It's a _two_ bedroom; you'd have your own room."

"Uh-huh."

"So, we'll be moving into his place at the end of the month." Amber placed her hand atop Rusty's and smiled at her daughter as if to say, "_get with the program, Kid_."

Rayanne looked from Amber to Rusty and back again.

"Uh-huh."

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Um, yeah, that sounds cool. My own room, huh? You gonna finish that?" She asked, pointing to her mother's margarita glass.

Jordan led the way around to the backyard, with Angela and Danielle flanking him and Shane and Sharon bringing up the rear.

"This wasn't my idea. Jordan invited her and she made me come with her." Sharon whispered.

"Relax, it's fine."

Sharon wasn't convinced that it was fine and intended to keep her distance for the remainder of the day, so as to dispel any ideas he might have that she was staking a claim.

As they entered the backyard, Angela spotted a petite redhead, who fit Jordan's description of Kate to a tee.

"Well, you must be Angela, it's about time he brought you by." Kate crossed the yard and greeted first Angela and then the other girls, who introduced themselves one by one. "Find yourselves a seat and the boys are gonna get that grill going sometime this century, so we should have something to eat before too long. Make yourselves at home and help yourselves to what you need. There's soda in the fridge and the bathroom is through that door, down the hall, first door on the right." Kate pointed at the back door. "The first time you visit you're a guest for about 10 minutes, after that, you're furniture, so don't be shy."

Kate was exactly as Jordan had described, no nonsense and tough, but within just a few minutes, you could see how much she loved her boys.

Patrick stood by the grill, shirtless and with a beer in his hand, causing Sharon to begin an internal debate as to which brother was hotter, when Patrick sparked up the grill and the smell of charcoal hit her.

"Oh no." She fought back waves of nausea. "Angela, I'm gonna throw up. Oh my God."

"Go inside. Hurry!"

"I don't want to just walk into hi-their house."

"So, you'd rather throw up out here in front of everyone?"

Sharon got up and made her way inside, passing Kate in the kitchen.

"I-um- I just need the ladies' room."

"Sweetie, I got four men living here, there's _never _been a ladies' room in this house." Kate laughed and pointed down the hall.

Rickie greeted the Krakow party and seated them at one of their best tables, as per Graham's instructions.

"Your waiter will be with you shortly and Happy Mother's Day to you." He smiled warmly at Bernice and Lindsay, Brian's sister. "She's really cute." He added, regarding the tiny baby in Lindsay's arms.

Lindsay smiled in response.

"Well, this is lovely isn't it, Bob?" Bernice took in décor and noted the full tables.

"Yes, yes, I've been meaning to stop in and congratulate Graham. Quite a risky undertaking, not at all like him, perhaps indicative of some unresolved…"

Lindsay cut her father off.

"Dad, please. No shop talk at dinner."

"Right, right. Sorry, force of habit." Bob apologized and reached for one of the menus Rickie had placed on the table when they were seated.

Brian felt completely out of place as he looked around the table at his family, his parents, Lindsay and Drew, and the baby. Aside from the baby, he was the youngest one at the table by nearly 15 years and although Lindsay and Drew weren't what he considered old, the fact that he was an _uncle_ and Drew was his _brother-in-law_, made him feel even more disconnected from the adults at the table. Those titles seemed like something reserved for people in their 30's, not a 16 y.o. kid. He'd have much preferred to stay home and work on his "treatment plan" for Rayanne than be here celebrating Mother's Day. He didn't even understand why they were celebrating. All his life, his parents had eschewed this sort of made up holiday. Birthdays and religious holidays made sense to them, but celebrating something that was either a biological imperative or personal choice, seemed frivolous and contrived. He couldn't, for the life of him, understand what made his parents change their minds other than the fact that his sister was visiting. Of course, it was her first visit in more than five years, and she was here with their first grandchild, which he'd observed had the power to reduce his parents to a pair of babbling idiots. It was actually kind of fascinating and he decided in that moment, to view the entire event as an observational study of his parents.

Brian was just coming back to himself when he heard Lindsay sharing her summer plans with their mother.

"It's so convenient to have the summer off. The timing couldn't have been better. I have loads of time to spend with her. I just signed us up for a Mommy and Me class at our community center."

"Even the baby is taking classes, never to early to start working on a neurosis, I suppose." Brian mumbled under his breath.

"Brian Alfred Krackow!" Bernice squawked, "Your sister and brother-in-law did not come all this way to be subjected to your adolescent behavior. Have some respect!"

"S-sorry. I jus-, sorry" Brian dropped his head to avoid his sister's gaze.

Feeling a need to break the tension Drew interjected.

"So, Brian, what are your plans this summer?"

"Oh-uh, nothing exciting, some AP work and I might get a job or something."

"There's plenty of time for working. You should take some courses at Allegheny. Their continuing education offerings are impressive and you could get a leg up on next year." Bob offered.

"I guess I'll look into it."

"Wouldn't you like to do something fun, Brian?" Lindsay asked.

"I guess, um, I mean, I'm not sure what I would do."

"What's Amy up to this summer, won't you want some time to hang out with her?"

"She's preparing for senior year and y'know, college admissions and stuff. I think she said she's doing volunteer work so she would have some extracurricular material for her applications. I guess we'll hang out on the weekends."

Lindsay's brow crinkled for a brief moment.

"What do you like to do?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"Huh, is not a word Brian…" Bernice corrected.

"What is it that you like to do, y'know, when you're not doing schoolwork?" Lindsay restated her question.

Brian was stumped. No one had ever asked him what he wanted to do or what he was interested in doing.

"Um, photography, I guess."

"It's a hobby of his." Bob interjected.

"Well, that's perfect! You can kill two birds with one stone. Why not take a photography course? Maybe photojournalism or a photography as art course. It would look great on a college app _and_ it's something you like to do." She smiled broadly at him.

Brian had never considered taking a non-academic course. He was excited at the thought of spending the summer behind the lens. The more he considered it, the better it sounded to him.

"Well, I suppose you could also take a math or science course, couldn't you? You have your whole day free, after all." Bernice added.

"You know, Bernice, I spent one summer doing a whole lot of nothing and it turned out to be one of the best summers I ever had." Drew felt a need to back his wife's play. "Sometimes, kids spend so much time studying and striving, they forget to be kids and," He turned to Brian, "you don't have very many summers left without some kind of responsibility."

"Well it's up to him. We'll be traveling quite a bit this summer and I don't want him to be idle, so he'll have to do something."

"Brian, if you want, I can help you choose some fun courses before we leave." Lindsay offered.

"Thanks; that would be great."

Danielle seemed to be having a good time with Shane's younger bothers, who were obviously trying to impress her. She listened to the boys arguing over this and that. They were different from the boys she hung out with at school. They seemed older, tougher and she liked it.

Once Sharon returned from the bathroom, looking green around the gills, Jordan and Shane took the girls out front. When the four teenagers entered the front yard, Stephen was sitting on the steps pouting while Sean and Danielle were off to the side of the porch, just a little too close for Angela's liking.

"What are they doing?"

"Nothing, they're just talking. Now if they were in the garage, you'd have something to be worried about." Jordan laughed and called out, telling them to go around back. "Kate'll keep an eye on them."

Danielle seemed annoyed and gave Angela a dirty look. "Could you like, mind your own business."

"Excuse me?"

Danielle walked off in a huff following Sean, who was waiting by the side gate for her.

"Can you believe this?" Angela said as she took a seat on the steps, next to Sharon. "I left her alone for ten minutes and she was off in a corner with some boy."

Sharon started to laugh and then sort of choked.

"Oh no, not again." Sharon looked stricken.

"Go, go!" Angela nudged her.

Kate passed Sharon as she made her way into the front yard for her first look at the finished product. Kate eyed Sharon suspiciously, but held her tongue.

"So, you like?" Shane said as she surveyed the newly landscaped yard and freshly painted façade.

"Outstanding!" She laughed."I should hire you out. I knew your lazy asses were good for something." She threw one arm around Shane and the other around Jordan, who was trying not to look at Angela.

"Okay, you two go get cleaned up, Pat's got dinner on the grill and I'm not doing a damned thing but having a few beers and putting my feet up, so see where you can help out. And you, Ms. Angela, you come with me." Angela looked to Jordan for help, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. He knew it was pointless to even attempt a rescue and anything he said or did would only make it worse. As he and Shane entered the house, Sharon emerged from the bathroom. Jordan went into Kate's room to use her shower, leaving Shane in the hallway with Sharon.

"You okay?" Her face was pale and she seemed unsteady. "Come on." He continued down the hall.

"Where are we going?" She asked as she followed behind him.

"My room."

"Your what? No! I'm not going into your room." She grabbed his arm, turning him slightly towards her. "Jordan is right down the hall!" She whispered as she gestured toward Kate's room.

"He's in the shower. He'll be in there for awhile. Trust me, he's worse than a girl."

"Uh, hello?" She said, in response to what she considered an insult.

"Would you come on?"

Reluctantly, she followed him to his room. He pointed toward the bed, indicating that she should sit.

"So, you're sure this is okay?"

"I said it was, didn't I?" Shane responded over his shoulder.

"You don't have to be rude about it."

"Then don't ask me the same question twenty times."

He went about getting a set of clean clothes, not really paying her any attention. She, however, took it all in. His room was just what a boy's room should be, clothes in a pile in the corner, sports equipment, posters of cars and women…and condoms on the night table?

"Um, I'm feeling better now. I should probably go back out before someone comes in."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll be out in a few minutes."

"So, it took Jay long enough to bring you 'round. Come have a seat with me over here." Angela felt drawn to Kate and at the same time, she had the urge to bolt.

While Kate got to know Angela a little better, she kept one eye on the door to the house and when Sharon returned, she noted the girl's pallor. As the evening wore on, Kate watched and listened. After dinner, she asked Shane to help her with something in the kitchen. Kate stood in front of the sink, hands on either side of it as if bracing herself.

"So, how far along is she?" She asked.

"Come again?" Shane was sure he'd misunderstood the question.

"When were you going to tell me?" She turned around to face him.

"Ma, it's not like that. We're just hanging out, nothing serious." Shane continued to lean against the counter, trying to maintain a casual tone.

"Nothing serious? Everyone else might be blind, but I see the looks and the way the both of you are purposely keeping your distance." She was talking with her hands.

Shane sighed.

"_And_ I know a pregnant girl when I see one. That girl is good and pregnant!" She said in a whispered shout.

"Okay, so she's pregnant…" He acquiesced.

"I can't believe this!" She placed both hands on her head as if to keep her head from exploding. "What have I told you boys a thousand times?"

"…but it's not mine."

"What?" Her face was red and her voice strained.

"It's not mine." He reiterated as coolly as he could.

"What am I missing here, Boy-o, because it's obvious to me that you two are pretty well acquainted and she's knocked up. Where I come from one plus one equals two."

"She was already pregnant when we started…when we got together. She just didn't know it."

"Okay, well now she knows it, so you're gonna bow out, right?"

Shane didn't answer, his head hung low.

"Are you kidding me? What are you thinking? You planning to play house with her or something?

"No! She knows the deal. I told you it's not serious."

"Listen to me, Shane Michael Donnelly, you leave that girl alone and I mean now." She poked him as she spat out that last half of the sentence, as if to emphasize her words.

Shane raised his eyes to meet hers. She didn't need an acknowledgement. Her word was law and her boys knew better than to defy her.

She grabbed herself a beer and headed out the door, leaving Shane alone in the kitchen.

**A/N: Hi Everyone, thanks for the feedback on the last chapter. A special thanks to those of you who reviewed this fic for the first time. Some of you didn't sign in, so I couldn't thank you individually. I also want to thank all of you who added this to your favorites or story alert. As always, GoodnightGirl, you're the woman. See you all in a couple weeks. **


	23. Chapter 23

"Danielle, can you please come down and set the dining room table?" Patty waits at the bottom of the staircase for Danielle to come down.

"It's Angela's boyfriend, why can't _she_ set the table?" Danielle shoots a pointed look at Angela as she watches her sister walk by and into the kitchen.

"Because I asked _you _to do it."

Danielle walks past Angela, giving her a dirty look.

"Mom, you don't have to go all out you know." Angela leaned against the counter hoping against hope that she could somehow get her mother to drop this whole idea.

"Angela, an 18th birthday is a big deal. I know Jordan isn't really close to his family, so I just feel like…well, no one should spend birthdays alone."

"He won't be alone, I'll be with him. We were just gonna hang out. He says it's like any other day to him."

"Well, I think that's sad. Don't you think that's sad? Besides, I _like_ Jordan and I want to do this for him."

"Just please don't get all excited and hover."

"I don't…hover."

"Mom, you hover. Just, please don't. It'll be like, too much or something."

"It's just dinner, Angela. Relax."

_Birthdays are huge with my mom. I think it has something to do with the fact that she's adopted. My grandparents made a big deal over her birthday, saying she was a gift to them because without her they would have been childless or whatever. They used to say that adopted kids were loved even more because you had to go through so much to get them. Getting pregnant, when you're able to, is easy. Adoption was like, a conscious choice._

"Angela! Jordan's here." Danielle stood at the door for a minute before letting him in. "So, it's your birthday?"

"Yeah." He walked past her and further into the living room.

"How old are you?" She stood in front of him looking at him questioningly.

"Danielle, stop being a pest. Don't you have something to do?" Angela came out of the kitchen in to the living room intent on rescuing him from Danielle's inquisition.

"Nope. I'm just saying Happy Birthday."

"No you're not, you're being a pest. Mom! Danielle is bugging us."

"It's ok." He found Danielle annoying, but no more than Shane's little brothers, although he was curious how it worked with girls. They didn't settle a fight by beating each other up, did they? When he and Shane were younger and they irritated Patrick, one of them could usually count on getting a black eye or a fat lip. He'd never seen Danielle with either, though there were times she clearly deserved it.

"So, how old are you?" The inquisition continued.

"Danielle, leave your sister and Jordan alone." Patty entered the living room drying her hands with a dish towel.

"Happy Birthday, Jordan." Patty hugs him briefly while Angela shoots daggers at her behind her back and mouths _"Sorry"_ at Jordan. As if she had eyes in the back of her head, Patty responded to Angela's silent apology. "Angela's worried I'll make a huge to do about it, but it's really just dinner, ok?" Angela rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, sure, uh, thanks." All the attention made him uncomfortable, but her birthday and all of the little morning talks he and Patty had shared over the last few months served to reduce, if not eliminate the anxiety associated with this sort of event.

"Oh it's nothing. Angela, you're dad should be here with dinner any minute."

"We're gonna go upstairs for a minute." Angela turned toward the staircase.

As she watched them ascend the stairs, Patty thought about telling her to leave the door open, but couldn't imagine that they would be bold enough to do anything inappropriate knowing that she was right downstairs and Graham would be home any minute.

"Sorry about that, she gets all excited about special occasions or whatever."

His arms were around her waist and he was about to move in for a kiss when she broke his hold and backed away from him. "Wait. I have something for you."

Angela pulled a gift bag from her closet. It was simple enough, a solid colored bag with a ribbon tying the handles together; still it seemed like too much to him. Even at Christmas, he never really got presents. His father usually just gave him some money, in his hand, not even in a card.

Her smile fades a little as she notices the blank look on his face. _I should have just gotten him that leather choker I saw. He's going to hate it. He's going to think it's stupid._ She timidly hands him the bag and takes a step back as he sits on the bed and reaches in. She nervously plays with her hair as he pulls out the tissue paper and retrieves a not so small case from the bag. He looks confused and she panics.

"Um, you have to open the case."

He unzips the case and she's mortified to see that his confusion has not lifted.

"It's um, it's like, a first aid kit…for um, guitars. I put in a pick holder and some extra picks, strings, amp cords. I figured you could leave the case at the loft so tha-"

He reaches over and pulls her into a deep kiss, cutting her off mid-sentence. When he pulled back he was smiling and she was dazed.

She was his personal cheerleader. She never screamed it, but in these little ways she told him how talented he was and that she believed in him. She'd heard him complain countless times, that they were one day going to burn the loft down with all the duct tape on their amp cords and he couldn't remember how many times he'd misplace a pick or popped a string. He had replacements at home, but almost never on hand. He had no idea what else was in this "first aid kit" but the fact that she took the time to put it together piece by piece meant so much to him. She'd handed him another small bag. He reached in an pulled out a leather guitar strap.

"It's kinda plain, but I didn't think you'd like the other ones they had." He stood and kissed her again.

"So, I guess you like your present?" She was blushing.

He stood up and leaned over her, her back to the wall. He knew he could get her going just from the way he looked at her, the longing evident in his intense, blue eyes. She went red and he knew he'd succeeded in doing just that. He wanted to reach down her pants and confirm his suspicions, but her father would be home soon and he would be in no condition to be around parents of any sort, let alone Graham Chase. It was gonna be hard as hell to keep his mind on dinner as it was.

Things had been going well and he didn't want to give Graham a reason to prevent him from seeing Angela. It seemed the longer they were together, the more the man disliked him. _Makes sense. He knows how this works; even good girls will give it up…eventually._ Angela had always talked about what a hard ass her mom was, but he found Graham to be more of an issue. The guy looked at him like he'd been on an episode of America's Most Wanted. He thought about the number of times that they had just missed getting busted in her bed or on the couch in the last few weeks and he laughed to himself. _I guess dude has a reason to be worried._

She was just getting off the phone with Rickie, confirming what time he should meet them at the loft for the get together she and Shane had planned at the last minute, when she heard him sort of snicker.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. We should go downstairs before your dad gets home." He took her by the hand leading her out of the room.

"Graham, I was wondering how much longer you were going to be. Did you get it?"

"Yeah, I almost didn't. They were closing when I got there." He handed her a cake box and an envelope. I think you're doing too much. A card would have been enough. I mean, we having dinner and a cake and it's not like he's family or anything."

Whispering, "Graham, his family is, well, I don't know, it doesn't seem like they care. I just think everyone deserves to know that someone is happy that they were born."

"I'm fairly certain that Angela makes him aware of that on a daily basis." He wore a scowl on his face.

"Oh Graham, really? It's his birthday; can you be civil and make the boy feel welcomed? Just for tonight?"

"I guess."

"What kind of cake did you make?"

"I kept it pretty simple, basic sponge with apricot and almond filling and cream cheese frosting."

"_That's_ simple?" She seemed impressed.

"Well, yeah." _She doesn't need to know that I made it for a client who cancelled his order at the last minute. _

Graham had decided that he didn't actually dislike Jordan, he just didn't trust him. There was an energy when they were together that he recognized from his own youth and it screamed "lust."

"So where _is_ the birthday boy?"

"Oh they're up in Angela's room. I think she wanted to give him his present in private."

Graham felt a pit in his stomach. _Private? Why do they need privacy? _He decided not to speculate further and walked through the kitchen door intent on going upstairs. As he came through the door, he bumped into Angela.

"Dad. Hi, you surprised me."

Jordan was sitting on the couch with the TV on. He stood to greet Graham, who was giving him the once over, stepping forward to shake hands.

"Happy Birthday. Eighteen, right?" They were staring each other in the eye, neither wanting to be the first to look away.

"Thanks, uh-yeah." Jordan, played dumb but he caught the subtext in their exchange. _Yeah, eighteen and legal, dating your underage daughter. I get it, Dick._

"That's a big one. You can vote and be drafted, not that anyone actually looks forward to that, but, well…happy birthday." Graham retreated to the kitchen his concern abated for the moment.

"Hey, I can't stay. I've gotta go back to the restaurant. Dinner's light tonight, but I'm not sure Jimmy can handle it alone." Patty looks at him incredulously.

"Can't Hallie pitch in? You're telling me you can't stay for one hour and have dinner with your family? Honestly, Graham."

He looks at his watch, "Okay, okay, an hour and then I have to go. Hallie is useless in the kitchen. That's why she handles the business and I handle the food. We're the perfect team. I don't get in her way and she doesn't get in mine." Patty stands watching him.

"A perfect team, huh? Well, I would be happier if she could cover for you as well. We hardly see you anymore."

"Honey, you knew going into this that it was going to eat up all my time." He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "That's what a start up demands. Don't worry; we'll be back to normal as soon as Hallie and I get a rhythm going." He realized how that sounded and backpeddled. "I mean, y'know, we need to establish a routine…systems…for being organized and stuff."

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Saved by the bell." Patty breaks free of his embrace, smirks at him, and walks out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Danielle is answering the door.

"Hi Brian" Danielle beams a hundred watt smile at him.

"Hi. I, um, came to get my calculator. Angela borrowed it the other day and I need it." Danielle rolls her eye. _Why can't he ever show up and ask for me?_

"Angela, Brian's here." She yells over her shoulder, never taking her eyes off him and pulls him in through the door.

With her back to the door, facing Jordan, who had returned to his place on the couch, Angela sighs heavily. She turns to face Brian who looks back and forth between them.

"Hey." Brian nods at Angela and Jordan.

"Hey, Brain"

"What's up, Brian?" Angela tried to contain her annoyance. His heroic attempt at protecting her and Sharon still carried quite a bit of weight and with this new found respect came a tad more patience.

"I, um, just came to get my, um, calculator. I have to study for a test."

"I gave that back to you last week."

"You did? Oh, so I'll just go…and, uh, look for it."

Standing behind the couch, Patty hears the exchange and steps in.

"Hi Brian, it's Jordan's birthday and dinner's almost ready. Do you think your parents would mind if you had dinner with us?" Patty had always felt sorry for Brian. His parents left him alone all the time; she would never say it to them, but she found them neglectful.

"Mom, he was just leaving, he has to study for a test."

"They're not home. They're in New York for a seminar on schizo-effective disorder."

"Well, that settles it. Come into the kitchen and wash your hands. We'll be sitting down to dinner in a few minutes."

_Perfect. Can't things just go the way I want them to for once?_

Angela turns to Jordan looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I told you she gets all excited."

"Brain's cool." Jordan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care."

Brian asked Danielle to pass him the salad and when he took the salad bowl from her, his had brushed hers in the transfer.

_He touched my hand. Oh my God. He's so cute._

"Do you want some bread?" She offered, hoping to brush his hand once more.

"No, thanks."

"So, Jordan, eighteen is a big deal. Are you excited to be legal? Well, not totally legal, you still can't drink til you're 21, but that's about the only thing you can't do." Graham had been thinking of a way to make his point since he shook the boy's hand earlier in the evening.

"It's just another birthday, no big deal. I mean, nothin'll really change."

"Actually, you're an adult now, legally, that it is, so _everything_ will change." Graham kept his eyes focused on Jordan who knew exactly what Graham was getting at, but continued to play dumb, which only served to annoy Graham and led to an uncomfortable silence that lasted for less than a minute, but felt like it went on for hours.

Angela looked up at the clock on the wall. She knew that this couldn't go on for very long since her father had to go back to the restaurant; however, the clock seemed to be less well informed of the plan for the evening and the time just dragged.

Patty made small talk with Brian and Danielle interjected wherever she thought she could, in an effort to hold Brian's attention. Angela held on to a small thread of hope that things would continue this way.

"So, Brian, is Amy going with you to the party tonight?" Patty asked.

"Party?"

_What is she doing? Oh my God. She's going to invite him. How can she invite him to a party that's not hers?_

"At the loft. Angela, didn't you say-"

"It's not a party, Mom. Just a few of Jordan's friends hanging out for a little while. Nothing special." Her voice had an edge that she hoped would end this line of discussion.

"I actually have a lot of studying to do. Finals aren't that far off and I have all these AP classes."

"Oh, don't be silly, I'm sure your grades won't suffer if you take one night off, Brian."

"Mom, shouldn't you be _encouraging_ him to study?"

"Yeah, I really can't slack off right now." Brian interjected.

"It's just one night." Patty persisted.

"It's okay Brain, do your thing. It've been cool for you to come and hang out, but do what you gotta do, y'know?" Jordan reached for a breadstick and his attention went back to his dinner.

Angela and Brian were dumbstruck. That settled it. Brian wasn't going. Angela was sure that Patty wouldn't continue to push now that Jordan had weighed in. Both she and Brian were amazed at how skillfully Jordan had managed a tense and awkward situation and how completely unaware of this feat he seemed.

"And your folks, Jordan…" Graham spoke up "..are they planning anything?"

Angela tensed, knowing that the one thing Jordan might actually react to is a question about his family. Even with her, he was tight-lipped. What she knew of them, she'd cobbled together from things she'd picked up from his reactions, whatever Shane saw fit to share, and bits and pieces of overheard telephone conversations he had with his uncle, Dom. Even her recent conversation with Kate hadn't done much to fill in the blanks.

"His father…is out-of-town. She spoke through clenched teeth, giving her father the look of death and then looked pleadingly at her mother.

Patty cleared her throat.

"How do you guys like the food? Graham made the whole meal, even the cake." She smiled a tight little smile. "One of the benefits of owning a restaurant is that you have a whole menu to choose from for dinner." She turned her attention to Graham. "This risotto is different from the one you have on the menu, kind of…smoky." Patty made an attempt to distract Graham from his current course.

"I added pancetta. Hallie's idea. She's constantly harassing me to come up with variations, so the customers don't get bored. Honestly, I think it's more for her benefit than the customers'. I swear that woman thrives on variety, couldn't stick to one thing if you paid her."

Angela caught a fleeting look of annoyance on her mother's face.

"That must drive Brad completely crazy."

Graham looks down at his plate and frowns before speaking.

"They broke up. I thought I told you."

"No, I don't think you did."

Patty's brow crinkled and she remained quiet for what seemed too long before she finally spoke.

That's, well, that's just awful. Anyway, I think I liked it better the way it was, the risotto I mean."

"It's really good." Brian offered. "I don't think I've ever had risotto before."

"People think it's pasta, but it's actually a form of rice." Graham explained.

"Oh."

"Today, at school, Kayla Miles brought sushi for lunch. It was gross."

"Danielle, we do not refer to any food as "gross." Sushi is just something you're not familiar with. A whole country of people eat it, so it's very disrespectful to refer to it that way." Patty corrected her.

"But it's raw fish and seaweed. Tell me that's not gross."

"Danielle!" Patty gave Danielle a pointed look.

"D-a-a-a-d." She whined, asking for help.

"Your mother's right. It's not something that appeals to _you,_ but it's wrong to talk that way about someone's food. I'm sure our food seems strange to some cultures."

"Yeah, there are tribes in the Amazon that like, eat insects and in parts of Asia people eat reptiles." Brian offered.

Patty promptly put her fork down, looking a little green.

"Eeew! Now, that's gross! C'mon Mom, even _you_ think that's gross." Danielle telepathically thanked Brian for backing her although he was simply doing what he does, applying fact and knowledge to an uncomfortable situation.

Angela looks around the table; Graham is shooting looks at Jordan, Patty is trying to smile her way through the awkwardness, Danielle is shamelessly flirting with Brian, Brian is trying to ignore Danielle, and Jordan is obliviously shoveling food into his mouth.

_I'm in a nightmare, I have to be. This cannot be happening. We're talking about eating bugs and snakes over dinner, my boyfriend's birthday dinner, to be exact. He doesn't seem to be bothered in the least. I wish I could be like that, tune things out like that. And why is Brian here anyway? Uggh. Can't we just cut the freakin' cake and put everyone out of their misery?_

"Mom! Sparklers, really? I asked you not to go crazy with this."

"They're pretty." Patty defended herself. "What's wrong with making things festive?"

Angela sighed audibly, drawing a look from Patty that was quickly replaced by her best smile as she carried the cake to the table.

_I guess I should just be glad she's not singing Hap-_

"Happy Birthday to you…" Patty begins to sing, accompanied by Danielle and eventually Brian.

_Oh, for the love of God! Look at him, he's freaking out. I told her not to do this, I told her._

Once again, Angela mouthed an apology over her mother's shoulder.

"We should really hurry this up. Don't you have to get back to the restaurant, Dad?"

Graham glances at his watch.

"Yeah, thanks. Honey, I really have to go."

"Okay, okay, let's just cut the cake and everyone can go about their business."

Cake was passed around and Patty handed Jordan an envelope.

"Just a little something."

Jordan looks completely confused and a little vacant, as though he doesn't know what it all means.

"Go ahead, open it." Patty is beaming.

Jordan opens the envelope slowly and frowns a little, prompting Angela to reach over and inspect the contents.

"It's a gift certificate to the music store. Wow, Mom; that was really thoughtful. It's perfect."

"Thanks." He gives Patty a small smile. "For everything."

"I'm sorry, that was like the longest hour ever. I know you don't like my dad and everything, so thanks for being so good about it."

"It's not that I don't like your dad, I don't even know him, it's that _he_ doesn't like _me_."

"He was better tonight though, right?"

"I guess, I didn't feel like I was part of a line up, like usual." _Of course, he did make sure to remind me that having sex with her is basically illegal, now that I'm 18_.

"He just has to get use to the idea that I'm with you."

"I told you before what his problem is with me and that's not gonna get better, cuz the longer we're together, the more sure he's gonna be that I'm doin' you."

Angela hadn't thought about it like that. 

They got to the loft and his friends were there along with hers, even Rayanne. She and Jordan were still uncomfortable around each other, but they had proven on the day of her party, that they could be in the same room as long as they didn't have to interact.

Shane and Aaron ordered pizza and wings and Tino provided the drinks, though he was long gone by the time Angela and Jordan arrived. It wasn't a very big crowd, but he liked it better that way. There was music and the guys even played a few songs.

Angela sat with Jordan on the hammock as he tried to teach her how to play a chord.

"Ouch! That hurts." She complained when he put his fingers atop hers and pressed the strings against the fret board.

"Wuss." He laughed at her. "You play like a girl."

She feigned offense and gave him a love tap on the arm.

"C'mon, try it again." He put his arm back around her and positioned her hands. They continued to work on the chord, completely oblivious to the people around them.

Shane was standing in a corner talking to a very pretty blonde, or rather, she was talking to him.

"You're the drummer, right?" Her smile broadened as Shane nodded. "So, how long you been with the band?" She smiled.

"Since it started. I guess you could say I'm a founding member."

She had told him her name, but he wasn't really listening. It didn't matter, just like it didn't matter what his name was. All she really cared about was whether or not he was in the band. She continued to ramble about something or the other, but he found himself distracted by Sharon's presence. Kate's rebuke played in his head. He had been avoiding her for a few days. They hadn't met in the boiler room since the previous week and he'd made no attempt to see her outside of school.

"Hey Cherski, want another slice." Rayanne offered.

"Better not. You're going to have to roll me out of here as it is."

"Stop it; you don't look any different to me." Rickie tried to reassure her.

"Yeah well, that's because I've learned the art of camouflage." She tugged at her dress. "Empire waists."

"I still say you don't look any different." Rickie maintained his original position.

"You got a ways to go yet. If you think you're big now…" Rickie interrupted before Rayanne could complete her sentence.

"So, you have a lot to do, you know? There's the registry and decorating the nursery. I could help."

"Registry?"

"Duh, for the baby shower." Rickie smiled. "You have to register so people know what to get you…for the baby."

"Oh, right. I really haven't thought about any of that."

"It's early, I mean, you're not that far along, but what could be more fun than picking out teeny, tiny clothes." Rickie gushed.

"I guess I'm still not use to the idea of this." Sharon's head dropped a little and she seemed downcast. Rickie put his arm around her and tried to make her smile.

"So, do you guys have like, any gigs coming up?" The pretty blonde seemed to be wrapped around Shane's body like a snake.

"Yeah, a few. There's some flyers by the door with the dates and everything."

Normally, he'd be pouring it on, cashing in on their growing local fame, but something in the way Sharon looked bothered him. He'd seen that look on his mother's face more than once. When she was pregnant with the youngest of the boys and their father proved to be more of a louse than Shane and Patrick's, she'd had that look. He often wondered, if Kate wasn't a devout Catholic, would the younger two even exist? He knew that Sharon wasn't happy about the pregnancy and she'd tried to terminate, but couldn't go through with it. She looked so sad and fragile, a complete departure from the super bossy cheerleader. The blonde was working on his earlobe; he was grateful for the distraction.

Sharon caught sight of Shane and the groupie off in a corner. She hadn't spoken with him since Sunday and had been going out of her way to avoid him. She had no intention of being at the loft that evening, knowing that Shane would most definitely be in attendance, but Angela and Rickie insisted she come. She watched the shapely blonde girl practically swallow Shane's head in the raunchiest kiss she'd ever witnessed. She was jealous, not of the fact that the girl was making out with Shane, but of their freedom. She was envious of the girl's figure and the fact she would not become grotesquely misshapened over the next 6 months. The fact that the girl had her tongue down Shane's throat was a secondary or maybe, tertiary concern. She'd already made up her mind that it was over between them; the barbecue at his house saw to that. The way that his mother took to Angela made it clear to her that she had no business being with any guy right now. Kate would never accept her and why should she? What mother wants her son tied to a girl who's carrying someone else's child? She had gotten herself into this and it made no sense to drag anyone else down with her. They'd had fun together and she'd miss the making out, but the idea that they would continue to have sex while she was pregnant made her feel tremendously guilty. She had planned on speaking with him, but given the fact that this girl was currently giving him mouth-to-mouth, it would seem he's already moved on. Oddly, she was mildly offended that he didn't even have the courtesy to make it official.

Shane saw Jordan look over at Angela and could tell that he just really wanted to be alone with her.

"Bro, I'm out." He shook Jordan's hand.

Jordan glanced at the groupie and back at Shane, who wore a Cheshire cat smile, and he laughed.

"You want me to get these guys outta here?" Shane looked around the loft at the small group that had gathered, fewer than twenty in all.

"Yeah, actually that would be good."

While Jordan appreciated their efforts, his idea of a perfect birthday would have been he and Angela in the hammock, just being.

"Okay you deadbeats, start movin' out and grab your sh*t so Birthday Boy over here doesn't get stuck cleaning up!"

The stragglers grabbed up empties and various other trash and headed out the door.

"Happy birthday, man. Stop by the house tomorrow, Kate has something for you." Jordan nodded.

Sharon had just emerged from the bathroom with a telltale pallor. As she made her way back to the couch, she faltered slightly, drawing Shane's attention. He stepped over to her side and grabbed hold of her arm.

"I'm okay."

"Yeah, I can see that." He smirked. "Just sit down before you fall down."

The blonde made her way over, obviously anxious for them to make their exit.

"Can we like, go now?"

"Hang on a minute." Shane turned back to Sharon. "You riding with Aaron?"

"Um, I guess or I'll just get a cab. Go."

"Yeah, let's go." The blonde tugged at him.

"I said hang on." He responded, slightly annoyed. "Yo, Aaron, you got her?" he pointed at Sharon.

"Got no room. You can't take her?"

"No, he can't take her." The blonde responded.

"What are you doing? Nobody was talking to you." Shane snapped at her.

The blonde stood silent, looking at the floor

"No, Shane, really, it's fine. I'll just take a cab." Sharon waved him off.

"Nobody was talking to you either."

"Excuse me? Look, maybe you can talk to Backstage Barbie like that, but I'm not her."

Sharon got up and made her way to the phone. "I'm taking a cab."

Shane followed her and as she started to dial, he took the phone from her hand.

"Come on."

"I said…" Sharon began.

"And _I said_, come on." He started toward the door and realizing that she hadn't taken a step, he turned back, "You comin' or what?"

Shane said nothing to blonde girl who followed him outside, until they reached his car.

"Get in the back."

Aaron, Rickie, and Rayanne finished bagging the garbage and were on their way. Once everyone was out the door, she went over to him.

"Did you like your party?"

"Not what I really had in mind."

"Oh, no? And what _did_ you have in mind?"

She had her arms around his waist and she was looking up into his eyes. Instead of answering her, he just kissed her. The music was still playing and they sort of just swayed back and forth together as it played.

"I thought you didn't dance."

"I'm not dancing."

"Yes, you are." She smiled and led him over to the couch. "I don't have to be back until eleven. We have some time."

This was the closest she ever came to saying what she wanted him to do. He always found it sexy when she tried to say that she wanted him to touch her, but couldn't quite get the words out of her mouth. She was slowly becoming less inhibited. The previous week she'd told him to meet her in the boiler room and proceeded to get him off before they went to gym. The risk of getting caught coupled with the fact that he was completely shocked by her forwardness intensified the experience exponentially. He was useless when it came time to participate. He claimed that he'd hurt his ankle and opted to sit out the class, when in reality he was totally drained and simply had no energy left. All he'd wanted was to do was eat and take a nap.

He'd gotten her down to her bra and panties and he was in his boxers. Things happened a little faster than he'd have liked, partly because it had been a few days since he'd had any release and partly because he'd been thinking about what he'd really like to do to her since he had cornered her in her bedroom before dinner.

He was kissing her on her belly and the insides of her thighs when he reached up and pulled down and off the fabric covering her lower region, breaking his own rule about maintaining a barrier between him and _it_.

She tensed a little when she felt the next kiss. Her head spun and she was equally mortified and excited. _What is he doing? _She remained tense, thinking that this was just not a place for someone's mouth to be. Then she thought about the other girls he'd been with and it sickened her to think that he had done this with them. Her thoughts were becoming jumbled as he found a rhythm that worked and she was swept away by the sensation. It was so much more intense than anything she'd felt up to that point.

He felt her relax and then she began to respond. He was relieved. This was unexplored territory for him and though he figured he knew what he was doing, his confidence had begun to waiver when she didn't immediately respond. He hadn't really thought about it before he did it, if he had, he might not have gone through with it. He'd never done it before; he'd never _wanted _to and actually, the thought of it disgusted him, but right now he had an overwhelming need to know and touch every inch of her. She began to whimper and he knew she was close. He was surprised to find that he liked it, her scent, the intimacy of it, and most of all her response. He couldn't remember being this physically excited about something that wasn't actually being done to him. It was like he was seeing things through her eyes, seeing them for the first time all over again or maybe for the first time altogether, since none of his first time experiences were anything special. He felt her hands in his hair as she inched closer to her release.

It was all-consuming. She didn't want it to end and unconsciously reached down to ensure that he wouldn't stop. She tangled her hands in his hair and all at once it hit her like a tidal wave. It seemed to last forever. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, and when it was over she thought she had died.

He kissed the inside of her thighs and placed his shirt over her, knowing how quickly she could become self-conscious. Lying back on the couch, he pulled her on top of him, her head on his chest, his hand in her hair. He wondered what she was thinking but couldn't seem to form the words to ask her. It seemed wrong to speak in that moment. What had happened between them was something so personal, so intimate that he didn't even know if he _could_ talk about it. For him, it was like saying "I love you," which he still couldn't bring himself to say, though it was how he felt.

Angela had regained her senses and when she felt him beneath her, rigid and ready for more, she panicked. _Am I supposed to do that for him now? I can't. I won't. Does he expect me to? Oh my God! I just can't…do that. I didn't ask him for this, I didn't even want him to do it._ _I have to get out of here before he asks. Would he ask or is he just waiting for me to like, do it? Why did I let him? I should've stopped him. _Her heart was racing and she didn't know what to do.

He felt her stiffen and become fidgety. "Hey, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine." She lied. "I just, I have to go. It's getting late."

_It's getting late? It's barely ten and she doesn't have to be home for an hour. What the f*ck?_

"I thought you said you didn't have to be home til eleven."

"Yeah, but I don't want to like, take advantage, y'know? I mean, my dad is probably like, waiting for me to get home, so I should…go."

"Fine. Whatever. Get dressed." The whole thing reminded him of the night they'd gone to the house on Cloverdale and she lied to him, leaving him there looking like a fool. He threw on his clothes, quickly grabbed his keys, and walked out without saying a word. He leaned on the wall outside, smoking a cigarette, waiting for her to come down so that he could lock up.

_I shouldn't have done it. She wasn't ready. But she seemed to like it. Maybe she faked it? No, that was real. But I've heard that girls do that, right? Fake it? I don't get it. Why would she fake it? _

"You didn't have to do that, you know?" Sharon watched the blonde girl in the side view mirror as they drove off.

"You're welcome."

She harrumphed and folded her arms in front of her.

"Why didn't you just drop me off first?"

Shane doesn't respond.

"I mean, aside from the fact that it looked like she was wearing her little sister's clothes, she was cute."

Still no response.

"What are you doing? Why are we stopping here? This isn't my house."

Shane stops the car and turns around in his seat to look at her.

"You talk too much."

"What? _I talk too much_?"

"Yeah, and it's really gettin' on my nerves." Before she could respond, he reached over and kissed her.

"And you think that's going to make me-" He cut her off with a deeper, longer kiss.

"Look, we need to tal-" This time the kiss was accompanied by a roaming hand.

While the car wasn't exactly silent, there was no more talking.

Angela came out with her head down, unable to look at him. She felt badly that she'd upset him on this of all days, but she just couldn't deal with the thought of what it was she knew he wanted her to do.

_I mean, he wouldn't just do it for me and not expect me to do it too, right? It's only natural and it's only fair. But it's not fair to like, force me into it. I mean, he didn't even ask me if I was okay with him doing that. He just went ahead and did it. I didn't even have a choice. Now, he's mad because I won't do it back? _

Neither of them spoke on the ride to her house. Jordan was trying to figure out what had gone wrong and she couldn't think of anything to say that would make the situation better, so she said nothing. With no traffic on the road, they made it to her house in less than fifteen minutes. He pulled up to the curb, but left the engine running. Angela knew this meant he was done with her for the night. He didn't want to talk, he wanted her to leave. Jordan sat back and closed his eyes, frustrated and confused. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Uh-huh." He didn't bother to open his eyes.

She got out of the car and when he heard the door slam, he opened his eyes, watching her as she walked away. The more he thought about it, the more confused he was. Here he was demonstrating his love for her and she just cut him off.

_It doesn't make sense. Why is she so freaked out? Was it bad? Sh*t! Is that it? How hard could it be, I mean, she seemed into it and she got off right? _

That thought brought him right back to the question of whether or not she'd faked it. It was his birthday and maybe she didn't have the heart to tell him that she didn't like it or that he was doing it wrong.

_How would she even know if I was doing it wrong, she's never had it done before. This is why guys like me don't have girlfriends, shoulda just stuck to one night stands and making out in the boiler room._

He drove home, still thinking about it when he saw the light on in Shane's garage. He needed to talk to someone and Shane would have to do. He'd be a poor substitute for Dominic, who was Jordan's "go-to-guy" for these sorts of things, but Dom was in Miami visiting a Hatian girl he had down there who was more than a piece of ass, but not quite a girlfriend.

_If Nonni knew who he was visiting down there, she'd keel over. Maybe I should like, send her an anonymous note. _

Thoughts of Nonni clutching her chest raised his spirits just a little as parked the car. He walked the length of the driveway cursing himself for refusing Dom's invitation to come down for the weekend.

_It would've been better than this sh*t._

"Hey."

"What are _you_ doing here?' Shane was surprised to see him.

"Nice to see you too."

"I just figured you'd still be at the loft."

"Nah, she needed to go home."

"So, what's up?"

"Nothin,' just not ready to go home."

"Anthony home?"

"I don't know, but that case wrapped up, so there's a good chance."

"You could stay over, if you want. My floor is your floor." Shane made a sweeping gesture.

"Nah, I'm good. What are you doing in here, anyway?"

"Kate's headlight went out, so I told her I'd change it for her. Hand me those pliers over there." Shane pointed at the work bench.

He reached down and picked up the pliers, handing them to Shane, then stood quietly for a little while before speaking.

"Hey, you remember when we found that video in Patrick's closet?"

Shane laughs, and they say in unison, "_The Sperminator."_

"Do I remember? Bro, that video changed my life."

It was Jordan's turn to laugh remembering how they had watched the video studiously several times, discussing every detail of what they'd seen on the screen. They rewound it so many times the tape got caught in the VCR, requiring them to surgically extract it from the machine, which of course resulted in Patrick beating the snot out of both of them.

"So, what about it?" Shane asked.

"Nothing, I just was thinking about it. It's funny, like, how seriously we took it then."

"That sh*t was educational." Shane snickered. "I don't know about you, man, but I learned a lot from that tape."

Jordan didn't know how to get to the questions he wanted to ask and he didn't want to come right out and tell Shane what he'd done or that she reacted badly. It was too embarrassing.

"We were so stupid, thinking that's what it would really be like. I was just thinking about how the girls in those movies are so fake."

"Yeah, I don't know any girl that comes over for a cup of sugar and then like, does you on the kitchen table, but I'd sure like to meet one." They crack up again.

"Some of the stuff in that movie was kinda sketchy though, I mean there's just some stuff I don't think I'd ever do. Like goin' down on a chick. I dunno…sketchy.

"I don't know, Paul says that Kimmie fiends for it. He said it's hot, does it all the time."

_It is hot. At least I think it is, but she's acting all weird, so who knows. _

"Yeah?" Shane nods in response. Jordan stands with his hands in his pockets leaning against the driver's side of the car watching Shane put in the new bulb. "So, would you…y'know…do it?"

"Do what?"

"Go down on a chick." Jordan was looking at his feet, the tires on the car, anywhere but at Shane.

"I dunno. I think you'd have to consider the skank factor." Jordan looks confused and Shane continues, "Not the kind of thing you do with a skank. You'd have to cover your whole head with like, an extra strength condom or something." This elicits a belly laugh from Jordan who's trying to shake the image from his mind. "If I ever decided to do it, it would have to be with someone I was like, serious with, y'know like, a "nice girl." He snickered a little.

"Yeah, that makes sense." Jordan nodded.

They fall silent again and Shane begins to wonder where this was going. Jordan hadn't shared much about his and Angela's sex life, but that wasn't unusual. He never was one to talk much about specific girls. It wasn't hard to figure out that she was inexperienced, maybe even a virgin. He thought maybe Angela was taking too long to give it up and Jordan was getting restless. He completely understood, but he'd come to like Angela a lot and saw the effect that she'd had on his friend. He thought it would be a shame for Jordan to screw it up by cheating on her.

"So, what's up? You gettin' restless or something? One case of blue balls too many? I _know_ Angela's not asking for it." He chuckles.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jordan responds mildly offended.

"Nothin' it's just that you show up here and you're Curious George all of a sudden. What's going on?"

"Just random sh*t on my mind. Killing time, I guess. I should go."

"Random, right. Whatever, Bro. Look, if you wanna try it, try it. Angela is definitely the kinda girl you could do that with. No extra strength condom necessary." Shane chuckled again.

"I'm gonna go. I'll see you in the morning. I'm gonna skip first, meet me in the parking lot. I want you to take a look at the music for that song I told you about."

"Yup, tomorrow." Shane leans against the car, arms folded across his chest, watching Jordan walk away.

"Jay."

"Yeah?" Jordan turned to face him.

"What happened?"

Jordan's shoulders dropped and throws his head back as he sighs loudly.

"She freaked out." He said quietly, walking back up to the garage.

"It was probably just too much."

"Yeah." He stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned against the car.

"You gotta take your time, Bro. She's not the kind you can rush."

"You're telling me? Dude, you have no idea." Jordan ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the sky.

Shane walked over to him and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's gonna be worth it, y'know."

"I know. The thing I don't get is, she was into it. She liked it and then she gave me some bullsh*t excuse and said she had to leave. I don't get it."

"You ask her to, y'know…" Shane motioned at him, making a vulgar gesture with his hands at waist-level. "…return the favor?"

"What? No!" Jordan was up on his feet, shaking his head vigorously. "Are you crazy? She'd _really_ lose it if I asked her to…" A look of realization crossed his face.

Jordan shook his head and laughed. "She couldn't wait to get out of there and then she was acting like she felt bad, but at the same time not." Jordan laughed, relieved to have figured out the problem and terrified at the conversation that would be required to clear up this mess.

"Damn. I'm good." Shane said as he snickered. "Feel free to pay me in beer or any other form of alcohol. I'm not picky."

"Whatever, like _you_ figured it out."

"Hey, if you didn't come to me for advice, you'd still be walking around confused, with a case of blue balls and your bottom lip on the ground. At least now all you've got is blue balls. Can't help you with that though." He put his hand up and took a step back. "Not enough beer in the world…" Jordan punched him playfully and they both laughed.

"Later."

Jordan pulled out of the driveway and headed toward his house.

_Sh*t! He's home._

Seeing the light on in the living room, he took a deep breath before getting out of his car.

_So far, this birthday has sucked, but I'm pretty sure it's about to get worse. _

Jordan enters the house quietly, hoping he can just make up the stairs without being noticed.

"Hey kid, come have a beer with your old man."

**A/N: Whew! That was a seriously long chapter. Okay, I really want to hear from you guys. All you lurkers, chime in. Old timers, you know how much I value your feedback. Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter and for all the alerts, favorites, etc. Always appreciated. GoodnightGirl, thank you for your insights and all the lengthy discussions we have on the most minute details. Oh, and a special thanks for help with the guitar accessories. See you all again in about 2 weeks.**


	24. Chapter 24

"Hey kid, come have a beer with your old man."

Anthony's voice carried from the front of the house, reaching Jordan as he came through the door. He walked slowly into the living room where he found Anthony on the couch with two bottles of beer sitting on the coffee table.

He looked at Anthony suspiciously before taking a seat. The two sat in silence for a minute. Jordan was grateful for the distraction of his beer, which he stared into as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Eighteen." Anthony started. "You're a man now."

_Yeah, that's what I keep hearing._

Jordan remembered how Graham had gone out of his way to make that point before and during dinner, earlier that evening.

"Time to get out on your own and make a life for yourself."

"What?" Jordan looked at his father in disbelief.

"I said, it's time to get out on your own and make a life for yourself." Anthony repeated.

"What are you talking about? You want me out of the house?" Jordan tried to suppress the anxiety building in his chest.

"Look, you're not a kid anymore. You gotta make your own way. I did what I was supposed to do. You don't have to leave tonight, but you better start looking for a place."

"Where the hell am I supposed to go?"

"Not my problem. I had to figure it out when I wasn't much older than you are now, with a new wife and a kid on the way, no less. You only have one mouth to feed. You'll be fine."

_Bullsh*t! We lived with Nonni 'til I was three. That's probably why my mother left in the first place, having to live with that hag was too much for her._

"I'll be fine? I'm still in high school! How am I supposed to pay for an apartment?"

"School?" Anthony snickered. "Since when do you care about that? You're 18 and in the tenth grade, you can't really be that dumb. Stunad, if you couldn't get it together by now..."

Jordan wanted to yell, fight, do something, but he needed Anthony. If Anthony made him leave, he'd have to quit school. He never thought graduating would be a priority, but now that it wasn't entirely impossible, he wanted it. The tutoring thing had started out as a way to please and impress Angela, though he was curious to see if someone could actually help him, but once he started doing well in his classes, he found that he really _wanted_ to do well. It truly mattered to him whether or not he passed. He'd even turned Angela down a time or two when she wanted to meet in the boiler room, because he had assignments due or a test to take. He also knew that if he got thrown out, it would mean the end of them. Her parents wouldn't let him see her anymore. No amount of Patty-love would help him, he was sure of that. He swallowed his pride and chose his next words carefully.

"I'll be right back."

He ran up the stairs to his room and pulled out the same test and report card that he'd shown to Kate sometime earlier. He handed them both to Anthony and sat, chewing on his thumb.

"What's this?" Anthony asked after taking the papers from Jordan's hand.

"My last report card and a test I took a while ago."

"And?"

"And look at the grades. I'm passing every class and I passed the test _and_ I've passed every test since that one." He pointed to the paper in Anthony's hand.

"So, you think because you did alright last semester and you passed a couple of tests, you're going to do what? Graduate?" He snickered.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I'm trying, y'know? And all I'm asking for is to stay here til I graduate."

"You're asking for at least two years and if the past is any indication of what to expect in the future, you'll be here until I retire." Anthony chuckled to himself and dropped the papers onto the coffee table.

_F*ck you! Wait. Relax. Calm down, don't let him get to you._

"Look, I'm just saying it doesn't look real good for me to drop out and I actually have a shot here. I got a tutor and I'm doing the work. I swear, I'm not gonna f*ck this up." _It means too much…it's all I have._

"Nice mouth. I would ask if you kiss your mother with that mouth, but…" He laughed.

It was becoming increasingly difficult for Jordan to hold his temper. He looked down at the floor and back up again. He knew that if he let Anthony get to him, it was over. He'd be out of the house and everything he'd worked for over the last few months would be for nothing.

"Sorry. All I need is a place to stay. That's it."

"What about that Mick whore down the street? She tired of playing mommy?"

"Kate doesn't have room for me." He responded with resignation in his voice.

"I'm sure if you played your cards right she'd make room in that bed of hers. You're pretty enough." He laughed, as if what he'd said was actually funny.

Jordan was almost out of patience and the crack about Kate really pissed him off. She'd done so much for him, he felt like a loser for not defending her, but he knew the more important thing was making sure he finished school. She'd be proud of him for that.

"Anthony, I..." He was cut off mid sentence.

"Anthony? I know those little bastards down the block have no respect for their mother, but not in my house." Anthony looked at Jordan, his eyebrow raised.

_He just wants me bend, that's all this is. Just suck it up and get what you need. Okay, here we go…_

"Dad, I'm…I'm begging you. Please, just let me stay until I graduate." He forced the words from his mouth, each one more bitter than the last.

"You're begging?" Anthony looked at him for a minute with something akin to confusion on his face.

"Yeah." Jordan couldn't look at him. He knew that Anthony would see the hatred in his eyes and it would be over.

"You're serious." Anthony stared at him incredulously.

"Yeah, dead serious." Jordan replied.

"You really think you can do it."

"Yeah, I'm telling you, things are different. I'm going to graduate, but not if I have to leave. I can't work full time and go to school and I can't afford an apartment on a part-time money, so I'm f*c-…stuck." He struggled to keep his temper in check and censor his language at the same time.

Anthony sat and finished his beer, watching Jordan the whole time. Meanwhile, Jordan waited like a defendant waits for a jury to decide his fate. It was only a few minutes, but it felt like days had passed when Anthony finally spoke.

"Okay."

Jordan thought he misheard.

"What?"

"I said okay. Same rules as always, no one in my house, especially those jadrools _(bums)_ you hang out with. If you get left back, you're out, if I find out you're cutting classes, you're out. Got it?"

"Got it." Jordan was soaring, though he knew to contain his emotions in front of his father. He got up to go to his room, when Anthony spoke again.

"Oh and one more thing" _F*ck! I knew it was too good to be true._ "You have a year." Anthony said this casually, as if he was commenting on the weather.

"A year? But I still have two years of school left."

"Yeah, I can see how those math skills of yours have improved." Anthony scoffed.

"An-Dad, c'mon, I can't do it in a year."

_It's already hard enough._

"Then I guess, you'll be leaving."

_That's it. It's over. I'm f*cked._

"What the f*ck? I'm just trying to make a life for myself. I'm not asking for much, man. Just meet me halfway."

"Who the f*ck do you think you're talking to?" Anthony was on his feet, facing Jordan.

"I don't know what I expected." Jordan shook his head, angry with himself for getting his hopes up. "I just kinda hoped, y'know? That you would give a sh*t. That maybe for once, you'd help me. All I need is place to rest my f*ckin head, that's it. I'll take care of myself. I'll even pay some of the bills. I just need to stay here." He pleaded desperately.

"Pay some of the bills? I don't need your money and I don't owe you a f*cking thing. I raised your dumb ass, provided for you, and now you're 18 and you're not my f*cking problem anymore. You've been a bill and a burden since the day you were born."

The gloves were off. Jordan felt he had nothing left to lose.

"_**You**_ didn't raise me; that was the Mick whore down the street, remember? You haven't done sh*t for me. I guess I am a stunad to think that you would ever come through for me." He snickered. "You know what, _Anthony_? F*CK! YOU!"

He didn't even see it coming. Anthony backhanded him across the face with what seemed like every ounce of strength he had. Jordan stumbled backwards but didn't go down. He felt a trickle and wiped his face. Seeing blood on his hand, he snickered and shook his head, as if to say, _'that's all you got?'_

"You'll shut you're mouth now if you don't want worse. Get your sh*t and get out! We're done!" Anthony bellowed.

Jordan wanted to fight back and was pretty sure he could take him, but Anthony didn't fight fair and he'd win at any cost, so Jordan ate it. He went upstairs to pack a bag. He'd come back for the rest when Anthony wasn't home. He came down the stairs with a duffel bag, a guitar, and an amp.

"That's all you're taking? You have a lot more sh*t than that up there and I want it out. All of it."

"I'll come back for it when I'm settled."

"Let me know where to send it and don't say I never did anything for you." He smirked.

Jordan turned toward him, his face full of hurt and rage. He started to say something, but thought better of it and just left.

"Angela, honey, you'd better get going."

"Jordan's picking me up."

"Well he's still not here and I don't want you to be late for school. I have to go, lock up, will ya?" Patty placed her coffee cup in the sink before grabbing her purse and a stack of client folders off the counter. "Bye."

Angela rose from her seat at the table and followed her mother's example.

She gathered her things and opened the front door in time to see the school bus pull away from the curb. She decided to wait a few more minutes before starting the long walk to school. She thought about calling him, but decided against it. She had called his house one morning when he was running late and woke his father up, not good. She never told him, but the man was so rude and nasty to her that she almost cried. It was nearing eight o'clock and he still hadn't shown.

She got to school late and saw that his car wasn't in the lot. He wasn't in English and when she checked the parking lot fifth period his car still wasn't there.

"Do you think my parents giving him dinner and a gift was too much? I told my mother not to go overboard, but she can't help herself. She actually sang, Rickie. She sang. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die."

Rickie removes and reapplies his eyeliner while he listens to Angela go on about Jordan.

"I don't think it was too much. I mean, well, maybe. He probably hasn't had too many birthdays like the one he had with you guys. Sometimes, when you're not used to like, being loved or wanted, it can be hard to take. He seemed fine at the party last night. Maybe something else is bothering him." He rubs her forehead and smiles at her before leaving the girls' bathroom. "Don't worry, it causes frown lines."

_Great, so then it's all my fault. He's angry at me and decided to ditch so he wouldn't have to look at me. _

She decides to cut class and walks out to the bleachers instead; her head is filled with too much for her to even pretend she's paying attention. She didn't tell Rickie about what had happened after everyone left the loft, but she'd been obsessing about it all night, wondering if he was angry over it and what would happen when she saw him in the morning. She felt bad about ruining his birthday, especially when he hadn't wanted to make a big deal out of it to begin with.

_Why did he have to do that? God, how many other girls has he done that to?_ _And I kissed him, on the same mouth that he…Oh, I think I'm going to be sick. _

She felt queasy at the thought.

_Everything was fine the way it was. He got something out of it, I got something out of it and there was no pressure to like, do anything else. Wait, maybe that's it. Maybe he's tired of waiting and this was his way of like, pushing me or whatever. He knew I'd like it. He knew I'd want to do more. I can't believe him! This was all a way to get me to have sex with him? I was so stupid. With all his experience, he knows exactly what to do to get a girl to cave. _

She sat there through another class period, furious about being manipulated by him. She decided that she would confront him. The only problem was finding him.

Angela got off the bus in front of the loft and saw his car parked out front. When she reached the top of the stairs he was coming out of the bathroom. He saw her and turned away, grateful that the lights were low and she wouldn't be able to see his face from a distance.

"What are you doing here?" He walked over to the hammock and sat with his right side facing her, so that she wouldn't see the bruising on the other side of his face.

"You didn't show up this morning, you haven't been to school, and you're in the same clothes you had on last night which means you haven't been home either. I think_ I_ should be asking _you_ what _you're_ doing here."

"I had stuff to do." He tried to sound nonchalant.

"You couldn't call me? I waited for you this morning and you never showed. I get to school and you're not there either. Shane hasn't seen you, no one has seen you. I even went to your house."

"You did what?" He stood, turned his back, and ran his hands through his hair before turning back to look at her. "What the f*ck were you thinking?" _Anthony knows about her. F*ck! F*ck! F*ck!_

"That you were mad at me, that you were avoiding me!" She stared at him, eyes blazing.

"I'm not mad at you. You should just go home. I got stuff to do. I'll call you later."

"No, I'm not going to _just go home_." She mocked him. "How can you stand there and lie like that?"

"Lie about what?" _What the hell is she talking about now? I can't deal with this. I got too much sh*t to deal with already._

"That you're not mad. You won't even look at me."

"Angela, just go okay? I'm not mad."

She folded her arms across her chest and paced back and forth across the floor.

"You know, I had a lot of time to think last night and today and I think I get it. Last night, my birthday, the day in the basement of my house." She counted the events on her fingers. "I guess that was all part of your plan, right? To get me to have sex with you!"

She stopped and stared at him, waiting for a response.

"What are you talking about? What plan? There's no plan, Angela. Please, just go." _I can't do this right now. Why won't she just leave?_ He eyes combed the room as he tried to figure out a way to get past her and out the door without her seeing his face.

Her pacing resumed.

"Get me so worked up that I'd just let you do whatever you want?" She accused.

"What?" He stared at her in disbelief.

"And then finally you'd get what you wanted all this time, right?"

"No!" Her accusation hurt him. He had done it out of love. Maybe it was selfish, maybe not, but it wasn't a ploy. He had genuinely wanted nothing more than to experience her as completely as he could and now she stood here questioning his motives.

"Liar!"

She was standing still, with her hands balled up into little fists as she shouted at him.

"I'm not lying!" His head hurt, he was exhausted, and he didn't want to yell or be yelled at. He lowered his voice and continued. "There was no plan, okay? I did it for you."

"Well, I never asked you to do it. I can't believe you thought you could get me to-to…I can't believe you did that to me!"

"Angela, I wasn't trying to get you to do anything, I swear. I didn't even figure out what you were thinking until way later. I didn't expect you to do anything."

"Yeah, right. It was all about me." She said sarcastically. "Like you never did that before. Right?"

"I never did...with anyone."

"All the girls you've been with and you never did that before? I might be a virgin, but I'm not an idiot, Jordan." Her anger began to build as she thought about how close they'd become only to find that she was being played.

"It's the truth." The edge in his voice made it clear that he was losing his patience, but she wouldn't let up.

"Okay fine. It was a first, you never did it before, so why me? Plain, boring Angela!" She had long decided that she wasn't leaving until he admitted to what he had done.

He didn't respond. He stood, staring at the wall, trying to block her out, but she wouldn't be ignored.

"Stupid, naïve Angela!" She persisted, moving toward him, yelling at the top of her lungs and he couldn't think anymore.

"Shut up." He turned this way and that, feeling trapped.

"If you weren't trying to get me to have sex with you, then why me?" She demanded, taking another step toward him.

"Shut Up!" He took two steps back from her.

"Why! Me!"

"Because I love you!"

She froze. So did he. He sat on the hammock, head resting in his hands, trying to keep it from breaking into a million pieces. The silence was deafening. They could hear the clock on the far wall ticking, cars passing in the street, and their own heartbeats.

She walked over to him and sat beside him. Though the silence was awkward, he was thankful for it. He could feel her arm resting against his. She put her head on his shoulder, but said not a word. She didn't know what to say. She wasn't entirely sure she'd heard him right and she was terrified to know if she had.

"That's not how it was supposed to come out." He spoke to the floor.

"You…meant it?" She asked timidly.

"You really have to ask?"

She put her arm through his and took his hand in hers.

"No, I guess not."

"I wanted to say it like, a thousand times before, but it would never come out right. I'd start to say it...in my head…and then it would sound…stupid." The last word trailed off in a whisper.

"It didn't sound stupid...just loud." She chuckled a little, hoping to relieve what tension remained between them. He snickered in response.

"Why did you disappear on me? I thought you were mad because I went home early after..."

He turned to face her for the first time since she walked in. She reached out and touched his bruised cheek, wincing at the sight of the cut under his eye, made by Anthony's ring.

"Anthony?" He nodded and lowered his eyes.

"Why?" She moved closer, eliminating the space between them in an effort to comfort him.

"Because he hates me. Because I exist. Because..."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Tell you what? That my father is a f*cking nightmare? Why do you need to know that?"

"Because I love you." She smiled at him. "And I worry about you, and when you're not around, I miss you." She kissed him softly.

He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. He missed her scent and the feel of her in his arms. He had told her how he felt about her and the world didn't end. He actually felt some strange sense of relief. She knew that his mother had abandoned him and his father abused him, and still, _she_ loved him.

He wished they could stay like this in each other's arms, but she had to go home eventually. He'd have to beg and plead and find a way back into the house, because no matter how he thought about it, there was no other option. How he'd make it through two years of school in half the time was a mystery to him, but he had time to figure it out and maybe by next year, something would change. Maybe he'd get a better job or find a really cheap place. Maybe he could get Tino to convince his uncle to let Jordan stay in the loft. He had a year to figure it out and that was better than nothing. _Anthony wins…for now._

"He wasn't there when I went by today." She was telling him it was safe to go home.

"Later, I just want to stay here for awhile…with you." He laced their hands and looked deeply into her eyes.

The intensity of his stare caused her breath to catch. She kissed him softly and lay back in the hammock, pulling him down with her. He rested his head on her chest and she listened to his breathing as it slowed and became more regular. She found the warmth of his body and the rhythm of his breathing soothing and eventually fell asleep as well. The sounds of someone moving around startled her.

"Sorry, I'll get outta your way in a minute. I saw his car out front, but I didn't know you were up here with him."

"Hi Shane. It's okay." She got out of the hammock without waking Jordan. "He's still asleep."

"He okay?"

"He has a nasty bruise and a cut on his face."

Shane looked at her with knowing eyes, but didn't speak. When Jordan didn't show for school and Angela couldn't find him, Shane figured something had happened between Anthony and him. He wouldn't admit it to Angela, but when Jordan failed to show up for their meeting that morning, he had been worried for his friend.

"It's okay, he told me...about Anthony." She said in response to Shane's frustrated face.

"Bastard! One day he's gonna get his and I hope we're there to see it. Did he say what the fight was about?" She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. A**hole doesn't need a reason. Tell him to come by later."

"Tell me yourself." Jordan sat up, pushed his hands through his hair, and stood to his feet.

"Hey, Pretty. I was looking for you." Shane winked at him.

"You miss me, Baby?" Jordan puckered his lips and made a kissing noise at Shane.

Angela laughed, never having seen them play around this way.

Shane walked over and inspected his bruised face.

"Kate's gonna be pissed off when she sees that."

"That's why I'm not going to see her until next week."

"So, what you're really saying is, you want the other side of your face to match?" Shane laughed. They had always dealt with the problem this way, joking and laughing. The alternative was to be angry and depressed over something you had no control over.

"Funny." Jordan gave him a fake smile. "You should have a show."

"Personally, I think it's an improvement. The greenish-black hue brings out the color of your eyes." Shane batted his eyes at Jordan causing Jordan and Angela to crack up.

**A/N: Well, that was a little intense, no? I really loved writing this chapter and I hope you liked reading it. So, they've said it, the L word. It's out there in the open now. Don't worry, this fic will not degrade into a great big fluff fest, though I'd be remiss if there were no fluff in the subsequent chapters, now that everyone is in touch with their feelings. I promise to be balanced and rest assured that GoodnightGirl, my trusty beta, will not permit me to dwell inside of the love bubble for too long. Thanks in advance, GNG, and thanks for your work on this chapter. **

**Thanks to for all the reviews and alerts. You really have no idea how encouraging they are. Incidentally, I been looking through some other fandoms and some of those stories have **_**thousands**_** of reviews! *****_**She said, hoping to guilt the lurkers into posting a review**_***** So, that was my plug and not just for my story, but the others in this fandom as well. We're a tiny fandom, which means that reviews, story alerts and favorites are precious to us and we value every single one. No matter how old a story is or how long it's been since it was updated, your reviews and alerts are encouraging to the writer. End of appeal, lol I'll stop here. **

**It might be a few weeks to a month before the next update, so bear with me. See you next time.**


	25. Chapter 25

_I sat in Katimsky's today and I didn't hear a word he said. I can't even say that I slept through the class, like I used to do. I just can't stop looking at her. I tried, but I can't. I know it's stupid, I mean, I'm with her all the time. The only time it doesn't get to me is when I'm at work. That's not even true. The whole time I'm there, I'm like, racing through the jobs Manny has for me so that I can work on her car. It's so weird, she's only been in the car a few times, but the smell of her shampoo or perfume or whatever the hell it is she wears is still in there. _

_I swear, I'm turning into a pussy, but I don't even care. The other day, she went bowling with her friends, and I was freakin' losin' it. I had to force myself not to go down to the bowling alley and in the end; I ended up going there anyway. I thought she was gonna be mad, like I'm stalking her or something, but instead she had this big smile on her face, the kind where her eyes smile along with the rest of her face. The smile that I love. She thought it was some kind of surprise or something. The truth is, I couldn't stand it anymore. I'm pathetic…and I don't give a f*ck. I really don't. .I'm sitting here right now, waiting for her to get out of geometry review and I feel like I'm in withdrawal or something. This is f*ckin' ridiculous. I'm such a pussy._

**xXx**

They were sitting on the couch flipping channels when they heard someone fiddling with the doorknob and saw Amber enter with a bag of take-out.

"Rickie! How are you, Honey?" Amber hugs and kisses him.

"Hi Amber."

"I haven't seen you in ages. You've been such a stranger lately." She smiled broadly at him, eyes sparkling. "I'm glad you're here, we're celebrating."

Rayanne rolled her eyes behind her mother's back.

"Really? What are we celebrating?" Rickie asked.

"Didn't Raynie tell you? We're moving."

"Well duh, we've been climbing over boxes just to get to and from the couch. I'm pretty sure he'd have figured it out even if I didn't tell him. He's perceptive that way." Rayanne quipped.

Amber shot her a look in response, but not to respond.

"Rusty's place is much bigger. Raynie will have her own room and you can stay over anytime."

"It'll be nice for you to have more room, but I really do love this place. There's something, I don't know…_homey_ about it." He looked around and took in every detail, knowing it was the last time he would be there.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Her eyes swept over their tiny apartment and she sighed, before reaching back into the bag she'd brought home with her.

"Are you guys hungry? I went to this new place, Sassafrass, Safflower, no…Saffron, that was it. It's beautiful and it smells amazing inside." With an exaggerated sweep of her hand, she passed Rickie a container taken from the bag.

Rayanne started opening take-out containers and was quickly consumed with tasting the contents thereof. She barely listened as Amber continued.

"There was this really perky chick out front; I think she may have been on something. Anyway, the chef came out and made some suggestions, y'know, about what to order."

Her face lit up and she placed her hand on Rayanne's shoulder.

"Oh Raynie, he was so cute. It's too bad he's with that woman or I'd have to dump Rusty for a man who can cook. How would you like that, Sweetie? A stepdaddy who can cook his butt off and looks hot in an apron? Hmmm, I might just go back and take a run at him anyway."

Amber threw her head back and laughed a wicked laugh.

"Saffron? That's Angela's dad's restaurant; I work there." Rickie commented.

"Angela's dad, huh? Well, that chick out front _wasn't_ Angela's mom."

Rickie giggled as he reached over Rayanne to get a fork.

"That was Hallie, they're not a couple; she's his business partner and she gets on his nerves." Rickie said matter-of-factly to which Amber raised an eyebrow in response.

"Pattycakes better keep an eye on her man, 'cuz there's just as much heat in the dining room as there is in the kitchen."

**xXx**

He was parked a few blocks away from her house. They'd been there for the last hour. He needed this time with her; the feel of her in his arms, the warmth of her skin against his, the reassurance that he was worth something, meant something to someone. It had been several days since he'd told her he loved her and he hadn't said it again, nor had she. It made him love her even more that she didn't need to hear it constantly. Nothing annoyed him more than when people said it the way you might say 'hello' or 'goodbye,' or to punctuate a phone call.

He couldn't imagine what would make him say it again. He'd said it, she knew it, and that was that. It was in his head every time she kissed him or touched him, but even in the throes of passion, he never felt compelled to say it. He could see it in her eyes when they were alone and she looked deeply into his. He had realized just this evening that this was the same look that had nearly sent him running on her birthday; the same look that made his heart actually hurt and caused a lump to form in his throat that night.

She was sitting next to him, her head on his chest, legs across his. Her fingers traced the muscular ridges of his chest as his played in her hair. They'd been quiet for awhile when she placed the softest of kisses on his lips. She ran her thumb over the nearly healed cut on his face and kissed him again. He remembered how she'd fussed over cleaning it and dressed it with a butterfly bandage, telling her mother that he'd had an accident at the garage and cut his face. It bothered him that she lied for him, but the alternative was even less desirable.

"We should go." She sat up and reached into the front seat for her shirt. "It's getting late."

He didn't respond, watching her gather the pieces of her outfit, now strewn about the car's interior. She smiled and placed his shirt in his lap. He still didn't move.

"Jordan," she cooed. "We have to go."

He reached for her and pulled her back into his lap. He kissed her deeply and she moaned into his mouth as they parted.

"If you keep doing that," She said in a breathy voice. "I'm going to be grounded for the rest of my life."

He captured an errant strand of hair that had fallen into her face and placed it behind her ear, his eyes fixed on hers.

"Me too." She whispered in response to his silent declaration and gave in to a long, slow, lingering kiss. When they parted it took a moment for her to catch her breath and regain the ability to speak.

"Come on, we have to go. Patty is not going to be your friend if you get me home late."

He pulled his shirt on and kissed her one last time before getting into the driver's seat.

He watched as she waved to him from inside the front door and he slowly pulled away from the house. He was anxious to get to sleep, wanting nothing more than for it to be morning when he would be able to see her again. He fell asleep that night to the memory of the last afternoon they'd spent in his bed not so long ago.

**xXx**

It seemed to him that he had only just closed his eyes, when in fact; it was past six in the morning. He shook of the remnants of sleep and started the car. Jordan pulled into the lot and made his way to the large double doors. He knocked and waited a minute for it to open.

"Thanks, man." He handed a twenty-dollar bill to the man wearing a custodian's uniform.

"No problem, kid. You're good for the week, if you need it."

Jordan nodded and made his way to the boys' locker room. He showered and shaved, conscious of the time, knowing he had to be out of the parking lot before seven. The disadvantage of having a vintage car with red paint is that it's easily identified and rarely forgotten, making it nearly impossible to fly under the radar. When he was finished, he headed to his locker. _His_ locker, not _their_ locker. Their locker was where they lived _together_, as far as Angela knew anyway. He went to _his_ locker, where he kept an emergency change of clothes, toiletries and some other essentials. He was glad he had moved into her locker when he did. There would have been no room for all of this stuff and books, not that he ever thought he'd be concerned about having space for books. Still, he was glad he moved into her locker when they got back together; he wanted to share a locker with her because of what she meant to him, not because he was pressed for space. In the end, the move had made his current situation easier to manage. He caught sight of the clock on the wall as he put away his belongings.

"Damn!"

It was 6:49. He rushed out to the car, put his dirty clothes and towel in the trunk and got out of there as fast as he could. Mr. Foster always showed up at exactly seven o'clock and he couldn't afford to have people asking questions. So far, he'd managed to keep his situation under wraps. Not even Shane knew what was going on. He didn't know how much longer he could go on this way. What would he do when school let out? _There's summer school, so I guess the building will be open. Damn! I really gotta think this sh*t through._

**xXx**

"I might be home late tonight." Rickie reminded Jonathan. "I'm going to the final committee meeting for the parade this weekend and I have no idea what time it'll end."

"Okay." Jonathan smiled at him. "You're going to have a great time. I can't remember the last time I went to a Pride event." And at that he looked a little sad.

"I wish you could come." Rickie said, hoping that his puppy dog eyes would move Jonathan to change his mind. He knew that Mr. Katimsky wouldn't, but Jonathan had less to lose, so maybe…

"I'd love to, but Richard would be beside himself. I've already made reservations for us to have a nice dinner out. Don't worry about us old folks. We'll keep ourselves entertained. You have fun with Aaron."

Rickie felt the familiar flutter in his stomach at the mention of Aaron's name and he smiled broadly.

"You're so cute. Go, get out of here and go to school. I'll see you later."

Jonathan pushed him out the door with a wink.

**xXx**

Jordan sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a danish. Normally, he never had more than a cup of coffee at Angela's, but he'd overslept and then didn't have time to stop at the diner and pick up breakfast, so he was starving. He hoped Angela would take her time, so that he could maybe have another cup and another pastry before leaving for school.

He still hadn't been able to find a way back into his father's house and he wasn't prepared for the homeless state in which he now found himself. Sure, he'd spent a night or two out of the house when things were tense at home and when he was younger, it wasn't unusual for him to be out of the house for a week at a time, but he hadn't had to do that in a while and he'd never been out of the house indefinitely. Before Angela, it wouldn't have been hard to hook up with some random chick who had a dorm room or apartment, get ripped, get laid, and then slip out before dawn and be on his way, having filled two needs, but that was no longer an option. In the absence of a strategic hook-up,adequate preparation, and planning; finding a place to sleep, shower, etc., could be challenging.

When he was younger and still small enough to share a bed with Shane, he'd crash at Kate's. As he got older, he found it preferable to find a place like the one on Tennessee. He hated for Kate to feel sorry or responsible for him. He could always crash at Tino's for a day or two, but that would mean he'd get sucked into whatever scheme Tino was working and he really couldn't afford to get busted for anything, especially with Anthony on the warpath. It was essentially the same issue with crashing on anyone's couch. He'd have to party with them or hang out with them, which meant he wouldn't be hanging out with her. Then of course, there were the girls to consider. There's no way he could hang with any of those guys and not put himself in a position to have rumors fly about him and whatever chick was trying to get his attention at whatever party they ended up attending. No, his best bet was bouncing between the warehouse, the loft, the garage, and the car. If he kept his stays at the loft and garage short enough, no one would notice.

This time, he had spent the night in the car and was once more grateful for Red. It wasn't the ideal place to sleep, but it was safe and warm. With Angela around, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep his situation under wraps. Although she knew about the fight and the abuse before it, he didn't tell her that Anthony had thrown him out. She would worry and worse, she'd tell her mother. He couldn't imagine what would come of that. Would she make Angela stop seeing him? Would she help him? He wasn't sure, but Angela was all he had at this point and he wouldn't risk losing her because of Anthony. As far as he was concerned, the man had taken more than enough from him already.

He thought about what it would take to get back into Anthony's good graces. It would be at least another week before Anthony was calm enough for him to approach the problem head on and even still, he ran the risk of being hit again. He wasn't sure he could take another hit without retaliating, so he thought it best to lay low a while longer. He would have to apologize and endure all manner of degradation, but that wasn't new. The things his father said to him seemed to bother him less these days, maybe because he believed it less than he had in the past.

He was preoccupied and didn't notice Patty looking at him.

"Jordan?"

He looked up at her.

"Another cup?"

"Um, yeah. Thanks."

"Here, take another one of these too. I don't need extras hanging around here." She smiled and handed him another danish. He hadn't asked for more, but something about his demeanor this morning made her feel the need to feed him and mother him more than usual. He had been distracted, but also heavy somehow. She'd known him long enough to know that if he wanted to talk about it he would, eventually. For now, she'd just do what she could without pushing too much. She thought it funny that she could read and interact with him so easily while her relationship with her own daughter was tenuous at best. It seemed all of her instincts were off when it came to Angela, but spot on with Jordan.

_Oh well, I'll take what I can get._

He wondered if she could tell. If somehow she knew what was going on with him. He finally decided that there was no way she could have known and he should just be grateful that he had the option of eating there and saving his money for other things. If he chose to, he could have dinner here most nights or at least a quick bite, so that was one problem solved. He was pretty sure that neither Angela nor Patty would mind having him around more.

Angela walked into the kitchen and his thoughts shifted. She smiled at him as she grabbed a cup of coffee and joined him at the table.

"You must have been running late this morning."

He frowned in confusion and she pointed at his still damp hair with a chuckle.

"_I'm_ usually the one running out of here with a wet head." She giggled. "I think I'm rubbing off on you."

**xXx**

For the second time that day, Jordan pulled into the school's parking lot. It was considerably more congested than it had been at 6am. He rested his head on the back of his seat and closed his eyes for a moment before speaking.

"So, um you wanna go somewhere later?"

"Yeah, wait, what do you mean?"

'_Somewhere'_ usually meant somewhere alone, where they could get semi-naked and grope one another, so she wasn't sure what he was talking about. These days, _'somewhere'_ was more often than not, his room or hers and when all else failed, it was the loft or the car. It wasn't something they really scheduled, so she was confused as to why they were planning to go _'somewhere'_ later.

"Like a movie or something." He was suddenly very nervous. _It's a movie. It's not like you're asking her to marry you. Grow a set!_

"A movie? Um, yeah, sure, okay." She thought it was odd, but she couldn't deny how happy she was at his request. They'd been together for several months. He could identify things on her body that her doctor had never seen and they'd declared their love for one another, yet, him asking her out on a real "date" was, in her estimation, one of the most monumental occurrences in their relationship. She tried to contain her excitement, tried not to show how much this meant to her, but a blind man could see it. Jordan just smiled and said they'd better get inside.

He knew she'd be inside her head all day, but then at least she'd be out of his. Not that he'd asked her out for that reason, but her distraction was a bonus. He knew she was trying to figure out what had made him ask and that would keep her thoughts occupied enough to keep her from noticing anything out of the ordinary with him. He thought he covered his tracks well, but she was observant and she always seemed to see the things he tried to hide.

He watched her head off to homeroom and recalled the moment that he'd decided to take her out. The previous week, while they were at the loft for practice, Paul said he had to leave to pick Kimmie up from work so that they could make it to the movies on time. It was brief, but he caught a glimpse something in Angela's eyes, a longing of sorts. It dawned on him that they'd never been on an actual date, and while he'd never really done that with any girl, he felt badly that he hadn't thought to do this for her.

Nervous about the decision he'd made, he asked Shane for a movie suggestion.

"Here's a thought. Why don't you _ask her_?" Shane gave him the, 'you're a dumbass' look and shook his head.

There was still a lot about her he didn't know. It was funny, she was the closest person to him, next to Shane; one of the most important people in his life; the first girl he loved and he had no idea, apart from music, what she was into.

He realized that everything they did together revolved around his likes and dislikes. He didn't do school dances, so now, neither did she. His thing was music, so their evenings and weekends were planned around practice and gigs. They almost always ate at her house or she'd get her father to pack something up for them from the restaurant, so they never went out to eat. If she had been going out with some other guy, he'd have taken her out to eat, to the movies or a game, or something like that. Shane's suggestion seemed so obvious and yet, he'd never thought of it himself.

**xXx**

It was third period and he was fiending for a smoke when he exited the building and headed for the bleachers. Shane saw him from across the field and nodded.

"'sup?" Shane said to him as he approached. "Where ya been?"

"Around, why?"

"Dom called." His heart threatened to stop in his chest, but he made sure not reveal his panic.

"_Your _house? For what?" He asked coolly

"Looking for you." Shane said pointedly.

"Don't know why he's calling your house."

"Oh, cut the sh*t! How long we know each other?" Shane said with more than a little irritation in his voice. "You coulda told me."

"I'm good. It's not a problem."

"Uh-huh." Shane said skeptically. "When Dom calls my house and it's not to harass Kate, it's a problem."

Jordan laughed.

"He does love him some Kate."

"Shut up. Anyway, where you been staying?"

"Here and there." Jordan answered nonchalantly.

"Look, you can stay with us. I mean, I know it's crowded or whatever, but Pat's gone, so you can stay in my room or something. Kate doesn't have to know. Just come by after she goes to bed."

"Yeah, right. Like we have _ever_ gotten over on Kate."

"True. But still, man. You can't be sleeping in the car and stuff. That's crazy. What about clothes?"

"Laundromat."

"Shower?"

"I got it covered."

Shane raised an eyebrow.

"Locker room."

Shane sighed and shook his head.

"How long you gonna do this?"

"Until Anthony calms down and I can stand to look at him. Couple weeks, I guess."

"Well Dom said to call him." Shane said resignedly.

Jordan nodded.

Something was up. Dom only ever called Shane's house to flirt with Kate and that was usually only when he was in town.

"I gotta go. Got a quiz in soc." Shane nodded in response.

"Let me know if you need anything."

Jordan gave a slight nod before walking away.

**xXx**

It was Friday, which meant that Patty was home early. Now that she had coverage at the shop, she decided that Fridays were family dinner night. In anticipation of the kids arriving home from school, she pulled out the various dishes that Graham had brought home the night before. It was a smorgasbord. There were at least eight different side dishes as well as various meats and fish. Her mind traveled to the early days of their marriage, before the children were born. Back then, on Friday nights, they'd order copious amounts of upscale take-out, get a bottle of wine, kick back and spend the evening gorging themselves. Afterwards, they'd spend the rest of the night working it off by making love. She hadn't realized that she was wearing a smile until Danielle walked in and caught her.

"Why do you look like that?" She asked.

"Like what?"

"Like Angela. You're standing there with a goofy smile on your face."

Patty giggled and then wondered for a moment if Angela's smile could be attributed to the same thing.

_No. They're not. Are they? Oh, I can't think about this. Oh my God._

In an attempt to distract herself from disturbing thoughts about things over which she had no control, she turned to Danielle.

"How was school?"

"Fine."

"Anything interesting happen? More sushi for lunch?"

"Nope."

"Okay, well, go get cleaned up for dinner. Your sister should be home soon."

Patty thought it strange that Danielle didn't go into more detail. Usually an inquiry into her day resulted in the animated retelling of various middle school shenanigans. She lamented that she'd lost yet another daughter to adolescence and she suddenly missed Danielle's attention-seeking storytelling. With a protracted sigh, she went about setting the dining room table.

**xXx**

Angela and Jordan cleared the table after dinner and helped Patty clean up before heading out. They parked downtown and walked around in an attempt to get more comfortable after a much too large meal. He decided to buy the tickets early and avoid the long lines that would snake around the block closer to showtime.

"You choose it." He told her, hoping she'd want to see something interesting or at least, something not too painful.

She perused the marquee and he was sure she'd choose one of the two chick flicks listed. He reminded himself that this night out was for her, not him and he'd be content with whatever she chose.

"Um, _Desperado_?" She suggested.

Jordan decided in that moment, that he loved her just a little bit more. Not that he knew that much about the movie, but in the commercial there was a lot of shooting and such, so clearly, not a chick flick. He bought the tickets and they headed back into the streets to hang out until the movie started.

**xXx**

"Rickie was just telling me about this movie. He saw the preview and said it looked really good." They settled into their seats and waited for the movie to start.

Across the theatre, Rickie and Aaron found a pair of seats in a secluded corner. As Jujubes and popcorn danced across the giant screen, Rickie's heart pounded in his chest. The meeting had gone very well, everything was set for the parade and Aaron suggested they catch a movie before calling it a night. It seemed they shared a fondness for one Antonio Banderas. Rickie counted this shared affection as one more thing they had in common as he marveled that he was on an actual date. It was his first and though he and Aaron had not defined their relationship, they were practically inseparable. Aside from school and work, they were together all the time. He wondered if that first trip to Hatfield's was a date, but decided it wasn't because Aaron hadn't actually asked him to go. Tonight, after the meeting, Aaron _asked_ if he wanted to go with him to see the new Antonio Banderas movie and after they'd both stopped drooling, he'd accepted. The idea that tonight he'd not only have his first date, but most likely, his first kiss as well, was almost too much for him to take and it was a struggle to remain focused on the movie playing before him.

**xXx**

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Mrs. Chase?"

"Yes, who may I ask is calling?"

"Nigel Colleymore, Danielle's guidance counselor."

"Oh, yes, we've been missing each other."

"That's why I'm calling so late. Please forgive me, but there didn't seem to be any other time that we could have an actual conversation and I really don't fancy the idea of leaving you anymore messages."

"Is something wrong, I mean beyond what you've already informed me of?"

"Well, it seems that Danielle's not been present for band practice in nearly a week and given that she's been attending consistently since the beginning of the year, I thought it rather odd that she should so suddenly stop. Were you aware that she's not been at practice?"

Patty was grateful that a chair was within reach, suddenly feeling a need to sit.

"No, actually I wasn't."

"I thought not. As I mentioned before, there's been a change in Danielle's behavior of late and quite frankly it's really very concerning."

"To me as well." Patty responded.

"Yes, I would imagine so. I just wanted to make you aware. There is no penalty or reprimand associated with missing band practice as it's a voluntary activity; however, I'm concerned that if she doesn't get sorted out now, we'll be seeing more disturbing behavior as time wears on."

"Thank you so much for letting me know. I will address it, I assure you." Her mind raced through the many things Danielle could be doing instead of attending band practice and it took her a moment to get a handle on her thoughts.

"May I ask, Mrs. Chase, is there something _specific _troubling her?"

"I – uh, I don't really know. She hasn't said anything."

"Has anything changed recently? Major happening or loss of some kind?"

"No. Well, my husband opened a restaurant a few months ago and he's been there quite a bit, but it's not as though she doesn't see him at all." Feeling defensive, Patty played down Graham's absence, but in the back of her mind, she knew that was what was behind this sudden shift in behavior and it angered her.

"I see. If I had to guess, I'd say that she's attention-seeking. I haven't had any extensive dealings with her, you understand, so this is really just speculation. However, if that is in fact what is going on, it will only get worse until she gets the attention she craves. I strongly suggest that your husband try to make some time for her, perhaps take her to work with him, something that will let her know that he hasn't forgotten her."

"Mr. Colleymore, while I appreciate your filling me in, I have to say, we are not neglectful parents."

"Nor did I say you were; however, it's clear that she's acting out and in the absence of any other explanation, the greatest change in her life has been a certain loss of attention from her father. It's not a criticism; it's an observation. I'm not judging you or your husband. My only interest is in helping our Danielle."

"I realize that you're only trying to help, I'm sorry. Thank you and I'll speak with my husband when he gets home tonight."

"No worries; we'll get it all sorted out."

"Thank you."

Patty placed the phone back on the cradle and processed the conversation she'd just had. She thought to herself that as much as Angela's attitude annoyed and at times hurt her, she'd take another dose of it from Danielle rather than what she knew in her gut was coming. Danielle wouldn't settle for stomping up stairs or slamming doors, she was going to rebel full force and Patty had no clue how to handle it.

**xXx**

The movie ended and the crowd created a bottleneck that slowed their exit. Rickie turned to stretch his neck and saw Jordan and Angela standing in line on the other side of the theatre.

"Oh my God!" Rickie said with eyes big as saucers.

"What?"

"Jordan and Angela are over there." Aaron started to turn," Don't look!" He grabbed Aaron by the shoulders and turned him away from the couple.

"Calm down. It's ok." Aaron reassured him.

"But if he sees us together, he's going to know."

Aaron looks Rickie in the eye, "Then he'll know. It's ok. What's he gonna do, throw me out of the band? Fine, I'll play with another band. I don't care."

Rickie's heart melts and he wishes he could hold Aaron's hand or kiss him, but they're out in public and that just can't happen.

Whether it was the significance of the impending Gay Pride events or the fact that it was exhausting trying to make up reasons why he never brought a girl to the loft and avoided groupies at their gigs, Aaron had had enough and if they were to be outed, so be it.

"Your friend's here." Jordan commented.

"Who, Sharon?" Knowing that he usually referred to her as "your friend" or "the cheerleader" rather than by name.

"Nah, Rickie."

"Ugghhh, I so don't want to see Rayanne right now." Angela bristled at the idea of having to make small talk with her in Jordan's presence. All she wanted to was to enjoy their date without the tension that Rayanne would undoubtedly create.

"He's not with Graf."

"Huh? Who's he with?" She couldn't think of anyone Rickie would be with except maybe Brian. Seeing Brian right now, she thought, would be no better than running into Rayanne.

"Aaron." Jordan answered.

"Aaron? Like _your_ Aaron, _Residue_ Aaron?" The shock evident on her face.

He nodded as his irritation with the slow moving patrons grew.

"What the hell's the hold up?" Jordan griped as they inched closer to the exit.

"Whoa, hold on; _your_ Aaron is here with _my_ Rickie? Like, together?" She asked, not really expecting a response.

"It's like they forgot how to freakin' walk or something." He continued to complain.

Angela stands mouth agape.

Jordan notices that she is suddenly mute.

"What?" He has no idea what she's so worked up over.

"Nothing. I mean, I just thought he'd have told me, y'know?"

Jordan shrugs his shoulders and looks back over at Aaron and Rickie. He and Aaron catch each other's eye and Jordan gives him a nod, to which Aaron nods in reply.

**xXx**

**A/N: Hi Folks. Sorry about the delay in getting this up. It's been much longer than I expected. I won't bore you with the details, suffice it to say that life got in the way. I'm already at work on the next chapter, but I'm not even going to speculate as to when it will make it to the board. Bear with me, guys.**

**Looking forward to your feedback. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. Special thanks to Hot4J who took time out to go back and review all the chapters she missed in the last few months. It was like Christmas! Please check out her fic, "There's No Such Thing." It's rated M, so you have to change your page settings to see it. **

**Goodnight Girl, you rock. Thanks for sticking with me through the dry spells. Your input is invaluable. If I haven't told you lately, I'm so grateful to have you as my beta. Ok, I'm off to work on ch. 26. Let's hope it goes well. **


	26. Chapter 26

Rickie waited outside for him so as not to wake Mr. Katimsky and Jonathan with a ringing phone or doorbell. He and Aaron were part of the parade Set-Up Committee and had to be on site by 6am. Although they were well into spring, the morning brought with it a slight chill. Rickie waited patiently wishing he'd thought to bring a travel mug of coffee with him for the wait. Just before dawn, Aaron pulled up in front of the building looking far more awake and alert than anyone should at that time of the morning, Rickie thought.

"Coffee?" Aaron asked as Rickie fastened his seatbelt.

"Oh my God, yes. I'm so tired. I hardly slept last night."

"I figured you wouldn't." Aaron laughed. "There's pastry too." He said, and gestured towards the space between them.

Rickie located the confection in a paper bag resting on the console between the two front seats. He took a huge bite and groaned, which made Aaron laugh again.

"That's guayaba! And it's still warm." He stared at the pastry incredulously. "Where did you find this?"

The guava-filled turnover reminded him of his grandmother, who made them all the time when he was a small child. The memory was bittersweet. She had been the one person who loved him unconditionally. He wondered had she lived longer, what would his life have been like? She would never have allowed the abuse he suffered in recent years, but would she still love him knowing who he'd become?

"There's a Spanish bakery down on S. 8th. It was so early; I had to wait for them to come out of the oven. I think the guy thought I was gonna rob him or something." Aaron chuckled and glanced over at Rickie with a wide smile. "Thought I'd reward you for your service today."

Aaron's voice swept the thoughts from his mind, a welcomed relief from what would have surely put him into a funk and this was one day when he wanted to be ready for anything.

Rickie smiled from ear to ear with what Aaron correctly assumed was gratitude, though he was completely wrong about that for which Rickie was grateful. He took a sip of coffee, which elicited another groan.

"Ok, you _really_ have to stop doing that." Aaron laughed with eyebrows raised as he shook his head. "And definitely DON'T do that around those pervs who're helping us set up today. They'll be all over you."

Rickie was flattered by Aaron's protectiveness. He laid his head back and tried to rest for a little while. It wasn't hard to do since he was completely exhausted. While Aaron believed that his sleeplessness had been caused by excitement over the parade, the truth was that Rickie spent most of the night replaying that evening's events.

When they'd finally made it out of the theatre, they found themselves face to face with Angela and Jordan. Rickie hadn't known that Aaron and Jordan exchanged glances earlier. He held his breath, waiting for what, he wasn't sure. When Jordan extended his fist and gave Aaron a pound, Rickie felt the air leave his lungs. Angela was staring at him, her eyes communicating wildly with him. He gave her a sheepish smile.

"Hey." He said in greeting them.

She responded in kind, as did Jordan.

"I didn't know you were going to be here." Angela said to Rickie.

"Last minute decision." He responded.

An awkward silence followed.

"We better get goin'." Jordan tugged at her hand.

"I'll call you later?" She said to Rickie. It was meant to be a statement, but came out as a question, representing the dozen or so unanswered questions swirling in her mind. Rickie nodded and the couples began to go their separate ways when Jordan turned back slightly.

"Yo, don't forget, practice on Sunday." He yelled to Aaron.

"Sunday." Aaron answered.

All of his fears allayed, Rickie thought this had to be the best night of his life. They went out to eat and Aaron dropped him off around midnight. Rickie was confused when Aaron didn't make a move. _He_ certainly wasn't going to be the aggressor, so inside he went wondering how much longer it would be before his first kiss.

**x.X.x.**

Jordan left the diner sometime before 8am and headed over to the garage. Manny would be in within the hour and he would have the garage open and ready for business when Manny got there. After turning on all the lights and machines, Jordan heads for the front of the shop to use the phone behind the counter. He dials the number wishing that Dom had his own line. It rings twice before a woman's voice is heard on the other end?

"Hi Nonni."

She cuts him off before he can ask for his uncle. She wants to know if his father is ok, obviously thinking that a phone call from him at all, let alone at this early hour must indicate that someone is dead or gravely injured and since Anthony is her world, that's where her mind goes first. It's only after she asks about Anthony that she remembers that Paul is a cop too.

"He's fine. No, they're both fine. Ca-"

She's going on and on now in Italian, something about family and respect. Jordan struggles not to yell at the old woman, whose voice alone is enough to put him on edge.

"Nonni, can I…" He tries to interrupt.

She won't stop talking and it's too fast for him to follow. His grasp on the language is tenuous at best, intuitive rather than fluid, but when she talks so fast, he just can't keep up.

"I don't…I can't underst…Nonni!"

He hates talking to her at all and most especially in Italian because he knows it's what she wants him to do. He tries not to if he can help it, knowing that it pleases her too much. He does it grudgingly now, only because he needs something and he doesn't have much time before Manny and the other mechanics arrive.

"Dominic è lì?" Is Dom there?"

He can hear the change in her voice, the gloating.

"Io so che è presto?" I know it's early.

He grits his teeth as she criticizes his accent or what she says is a lack thereof.

"Sta lì?" Is he there? He asks again.

"Si può solo svegliarlo?" Can you just wake him up?

He suppresses the urge to say things that he knows he shouldn't.

"Non sto urlando!" I'm not yelling!

Finally, the old woman tells him to hold on and moments later, a groggy Dominic is on the line.

" lo?"

"Heard you been lookin' for me?" Jordan asks.

"Yeah, but not at the ass crack of f*ckin' dawn. I just went to bed. What the f*ck?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up?"

"You're not gonna hang up and let me go back to sleep are you?" Dom asks, resignation clear in his voice.

"Now's when I can talk, so…talk."

Jordan hears a long sigh on the other line and then a burst of angry Italian. He can hear Dominic respond to his mother's complaint.

"Ma, it's fine. Just…go…cook something."

"Dom. I can't be on this phone for long." Jordan insisted.

"Where are you?"

"The garage."

"No, I mean where you been stayin'." Dom clarified.

"Few places, I'm managing. Why are you looking for me?" Jordan's impatience was beginning to show through.

"I just wanted to let you know that you should be able to go home soon; I'm fixin' it."

"What are you talkin' about? Do you even know what happened?

"Course I know what happened. When I got back from Miami, I was gonna come by for a few days and hang out with you, but Anthony said you left. You shoulda come with me, Bro. Giselle had a friend for you." He groaned. "You remember that girl she set you up with last time? Remember, you didn't want to come back to PA? This one was even hotter. You'd have relocated, learned French, and everything for this one."

"Dom. C'mon. I told you I don't have a lot of time."

"You wake _me_ up and you wanna get all impatient? Little prick."

Jordan emitted what sounded like a low growl.

"Alright, alright. So, I got back from Miami and called the house, you're not there, and then he says you left. I knew he was lying 'cuz where the hell are you gonna go, right? Anyway, I'm workin' on it."

"What does that mean?"

"That means I got your back. How are you with money?"

"I'm good."

"So, how'd this happen anyway? I thought you were good as long as you stayed out of his way."

"Turned 18; seems like that's all he was waiting for."

"Yeah, that sounds like him. Tried to put me out a few years back. Didn't count on Ma goin' apeshit on him." Dom chuckled. "Idiot actually thought she'd agree with him. You shoulda seen his face. Speaking of faces, how's yours lookin'?"

" '-s alright"

"He hit you?" Dom's tone was serious now.

"What do _you_ think?"

"Didn't I tell you to fight back? Since you're like, twelve, I keep telling you that the only way the a$$hole is gonna let up is if you stand up for yourself. I'm telling you. If I didn't do it, those two morons would still be kicking my ass every chance they got." He was angered by the memory of his brothers and what seemed like a never-ending reign of terror.

Jordan sighed heavily.

"Not this time, Dom. It was different. Like, if I'd a hit him, I'd a killed him or he'd a killed me. Somebody wasn't walking out of there. I don't really want to go back, but I gotta finish school and I can't afford my own place yet."

"School? For real?"

"Yeah." Jordan answers hesitantly.

"Well, alright. Looks like Paulie's back to being the family stunad." Dom chuckled. "Always was, if you ask me. Look, if it's that bad, come stay with me. You can go to school in Philly. We got schools here, y'know."

"What are you, high or something? No offense, but you're mother's a b*tch; besides, he's there more than he's here, so that's not really making things better."

"Yeah, but you'd hardly see him. Think about it. You hang with me at the club. All the honeys you can handle. And when they find out you're my nephew…Sh*t, it's gonna rain pussy all over you." Dom laughed.

"Nah, I'm good right here."

"Hold on, you still with that girl?" Jordan's silence is all the confirmation he needs. "Get the f*ck outta here! I thought that was a phase or some sh*t. You kiddin' me?"

Jordan stiffened before answering.

"I gotta go. Manny's about to come in."

"F*ck Manny; I wanna hear about this girl."

"Gotta go, Dom. Go get some sleep."

"Little f*cker." He laughed. "Go to sleep…right. You got the old lady all worked up and I'm wide awake. That's ok. Remember that when I show up over there." He laughed again.

"Later."

"Yeah, later."

**x.X.x.**

It had been a nearly normal, quite blissful night and morning for Patty and Graham. He had come home at a reasonable hour, bringing with him a decadent dessert and a bottle of wine, which led to some of the best sex they'd had in years. Round two, which commenced upon Graham's waking, proved even better than the evening before. Believing that something had finally clicked between them and that they were back to being on the same page, Patty told Graham about her discussion with Danielle's guidance counselor. As he showered, Patty impressed upon him the importance of giving Danielle some added attention to which Graham agreed, until she suggested that Danielle accompany him to the restaurant for the day. Opposed to the idea, Graham suggested that she and Patty do something together instead. Patty felt conflicted, but knew her responsibility to her daughter outweighed her own need for peace and harmony in her marriage, so she persisted in her argument.

"Graham, I realize that Saturdays are your busiest day, but Danielle needs this." Patty insisted.

"Needs what? She's not going to spend any time with me and she'll just end up underfoot."

"Have you heard a single thing I've told you? Anything? At all? We're. Losing. Her."

"Stop being dramatic. She's 12. We're not losing her. She's asleep in bed like any other 12 year old and when she gets up she'll watch TV all day, like any other 12 year old. The one you need to be concerned about is Angela. She walked in here at almost 1am this morning. Did you know that?"

"Yes, I knew that and we're not talking about Angela, because Angela is fine."

"I don't think rolling around in the backseat of some delinquent's car makes her fine, but y'know that's just my opinion. Not that it matters." He snickered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Patty crossed the room to the bathroom, where Graham was shaving, arms crossed.

"It means you treat me like I'm one of the kids, like I don't have a say in my own house. When did you decide that she could stay out half the night with a grown man?"

"You are ridiculous. '_A grown man?_' He's as much a child as she is. You would know that if you took a minute to get to know him."

"He isn't a child and he hasn't been a child for a very long time." Graham countered.

"Graham would you listen to yourself? You're worried about them having sex, which hasn't even happened and I'm standing here telling you we have a much bigger problem with Danielle. Which do you think should be the priority?"

"You need to open your eyes, Patty, or we'll be grandparents by New Year's." He wiped his face with a towel and punctuated his statement by throwing the towel onto the vanity.

"Oh my God! Do you even care about what's going on with Danielle? Do you know what she said when I confronted her about missing band? Absolutely nothing. Not a word, Graham. She didn't deny it, she didn't throw a fit. She just stood there and stared at me, like she was daring me to do something about it."

As much as she tried not to let it happen. The fear and resentment started to overtake her. The tears she'd been fighting back, finally spilling over. She turned away from him and walked over to the bed. Taking a deep breath, in an effort to get her emotions in check, she continued to stress the seriousness of the issue.

"Can't you see what's happening? She didn't miss _a day_ of practice; she's missed the last _two weeks_! Where the hell has she been and what's she been doing? At least we know where Angela is. I have no idea where Danielle has been spending her time. Doesn't that worry you?" Her voice broke as she spoke the last sentence.

They are both quiet for a moment. Finally, he walks over to the bed and sits next to Patty, who is struggling not to crumble into a blubbering heap. He places his arm around her, comforting her.

"She's just testing us. That's all. It's no different than Angela dyeing her hair red to get a reaction out of you."

"Angela was 15, Graham; Danielle is only 12. If it starts this young, what will it look like in 3 years? I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. I need you to help me with this; I can't do it alone."

Graham stiffens and his arm falls away.

"'_Alone'_" Because, I'm never here, right?"

"The counselor said–" He cuts her off, standing to his feet.

"I know what the counselor said and that suits you just fine doesn't it? Someone to back you in this? So, if I'm to blame for Danielle, who's to blame for Angela? Tell me that, because I'm not the one who's practically handed her over to this guy to do with whatever he pleases. That's not me, Patty. That's you. The fact that she won't talk to you, can't be in a room with you for more time than it takes to scarf down her dinner, that's all you."

"How can you say that to me? What a hurtful, awful thing to say."

"You have to be in control of everything and everyone. I'm tired of it and it stops now. I'm not taking Danielle to the restaurant with me because it's a business, not a reform school and Angela is to be in this house by 11pm from now on." His face was red, his voice strained.

"How would you even know if she came in at 11, you're never here to see it." Patty spat the words at him. "Maybe if you were around more, she would be too."

"Go ahead and blame me for whatever you want, all I know is that she had better be in this house by 11 o'clock tonight."

"I'm not going to change her curfew to stroke your bruised ego. I'm the one who's here when she leaves and I'm the one who's here when she gets home. When you can be either of those things, you can have some input."

"Eleven o'clock, Patty." He reiterated.

No response.

"So you're just not going to talk to me now? Fine. I can't say I actually mind"

Graham pulls on the rest of his clothes and walks out of their bedroom, turning back to say one final thing.

"And by the way, he's not Tony, y'know? No matter how much he reminds you, he's not, so get over it already and stop acting like a lovesick schoolgirl."

**xXx**

The garage was abuzz with activity. It was a busy day and Jordan had a line of cars to work on. Working under the hood of a minivan, he went over his conversation with Dom. Jordan was grateful for his uncle. Immature and unreliable as he might be, he knew that if no one else in his so-called family had his back, Dominic always would. He thought about Dom's offer, but living in Philly would solve nothing. It would put him 3 hours away from Angela, and right in his grandmother's crosshairs. It was a bad idea, though he was certain that were it not for Angela, he'd have taken off by now; got his own place somewhere and kept it moving. Dom meant well, but moving, anywhere, was not an option

Jordan was always struck by how different Dom was from his brothers. He wasn't sadistic or cruel and as much as they all talked about family, Dominic was the only one who made him feel like he had one. He was youngest of the Catalano boys, almost 10 years younger than Paul, setting him apart from the other two. Jordan always thought that maybe the age gap was what made him different, nicer. What Dom had said about Anthony trying to put him out a few years earlier angered Jordan. He hated the way the Anthony ordered everyone around. _Who was he_, Jordan thought, _to decide when Dom should move out?_ _How was that even his business? If their mother wanted him out, he'd be out, wouldn't he? Typical Anthony. He just walks in hands down his orders and walks out like he's the king or something. A$$hole! _

Anthony had always mistreated Dom. Jordan didn't know why, but it seemed like jealousy. Maybe it was because their mother babied him or maybe it was because Dom did whatever Dom wanted and didn't care what anyone thought of him. Anthony was always trying to be the big shot, trying to impress people with his connections, his clothes, his money. Dom was the total opposite. His only concern was having fun. Women and parties were his priorities; everything else ran a distant second. Anthony would often compare Jordan to Dom, which to Jordan was a compliment because it meant the he was the polar opposite of Anthony and Paul.

Dom was an in-demand DJ at a Philly hot spot and did a little producing on the side. He was huge in the club scene, but to his family, he was a loser, a screw-up who would never amount to anything. _"What kind of man plays other people's music for a living?"_ Jordan had heard Anthony and Paul say of Dominic a million times.

It didn't help matters that Dom refused to move out of his mother's house. Anthony was furious when Antonia said that he would leave over her dead body and that a son's place is at his mother's side until he takes a wife. She scolded him for bringing _"American ways" _into her home and told him he needed to remember where he came from. Anthony knew that if it meant leaving the comfort of their family home to fend for himself, Dom would never leave. He was a lazy moocher who was milking their traditions for all it was worth when it suited him. Anthony couldn't understand why Antonia couldn't see that Dom was the most Americanized of the three of them, so if anything, he _should_ leave.

Dom gloated for weeks after the eviction debacle. He had no intention of going anywhere. He figured he had it good. The old lady took care of him. He came and went as he pleased and did what he wanted. Whenever Anthony and Paul harassed him getting his own place, he'd make sure that he pointed out how each of them had lived in the house until they were married _and _had kids and he would make sure it was said within earshot of their mother, in his very best Italian. It worked every time.

For a while, they harassed him with all manner of epithets, believing that he must be gay because he never brought girls around to the house or to family functions. Now nearly thirty, he wasn't even close to getting married or settling down. Anthony tailed him once and found that he had not one girl, but several. _"Just like Pop."_ Jordan had overheard Anthony say to Paul. _"At least he's not a queer. That much, he got right." _

He thought about Dom's advice to fight back and he remembered vividly the night that changed everything. Anthony had had too much to drink and started in on Jordan. First, were the verbal assaults, the belittling comments about his intellect or lack thereof, and the taunts daring Jordan to respond. Next, came the shoving and little smacks about the head and face, and finally, the insults about his mother and the backhand that always accompanied his rhetoric. Jordan could take no more and for the first time in his life he retaliated. Anthony called Jordan a pussy and laughed as he turned his back. Something in Jordan snapped and he didn't care anymore what happened to him, he launched a chair at Anthony and missed him by inches. Jordan would never forget the look on Anthony's face.

Anthony had seen that look before, in the face of perps who no longer valued their own lives. They were liked caged animals, dangerous and unpredictable. He had no love for this boy, could not have cared less in fact, but his goal was always to keep his personal life off the radar and a domestic disturbance would invite questions from Internal Affairs, so he backed off. Things had changed, and though Anthony was still cruel and verbally abusive, he rarely raised his hands to Jordan after that, except for the occasional smack to the back of the head. Anthony had a strange sort of respect for him and they regarded one another as men, no longer parent-child.

He looked up from the van he was working on and checked the clock on the wall. Angela had suggested that she bring him lunch and they could hang out in her car, but he knew he had a lot of work lined up for the day and a midday visit from her would only serve to leave him frustrated and distracted, so he asked her to come by with dinner instead.

_Five more hours. Could this day be any f*cking longer?_

**xXx**

"Rayanne! Rayanne!" Amber could be heard yelling from the living room window. Rayanne heard her mother calling to her, but continued to hide inside the moving van. "I'm _waiting_ for that box!"

"Ugggggh!" Rayanne grabbed the box labeled, "bedroom" and jumped down from the back of the truck, nearly flattening Brian in the process.

"Hey! Watch it!" She barked. Realizing that it was Brian she'd just run into, she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Rickie said you were moving."

"Yeah, and?"

"So, I thought I'd come over and help." He replied in a tone that essentially implied that she was mentally deficient if she couldn't piece it all together.

Rayanne didn't know what to say. She couldn't think of a smart remark or a clever put down, mostly because she was so relieved that she didn't have to be alone with her mother and Rusty. She had been hiding in the van, not because she was avoiding her mother, but because on her last run up to the apartment, she'd heard noises coming from the bathroom. She'd have thought nothing more than that something her mother had eaten didn't agree with her, that is, until she heard Rusty's voice and her mother giggling. Unable to cope, she retreated to the van.

"Here." She handed him the box. "I'll just…go…grab another one."

She emerged from the van with a box and led the way into the building.

**x.X.x.**

Rickie moved about, making sure that his sector was secure. He heard a call over the walkie-talkie and recognizing Aaron's voice, he responded immediately.

"I'm good. Everything's ok here. You?"

The radio chirped and Aaron responded, "I had some idiot over here trying to streak, but we got a handle on it. People are so stupid."

Rickie giggled before responding.

"Any chance you'll make it over here in time to see Crystal Waters perform."

"I'll be there. Hang out on the left side of the stage. I'll find you. Don't go running off with any of those old queens over there. You're just their type, young and cute."

Rickie blushed and was grateful that Aaron was at the other end of the parade route.

"See you then."

"See ya." Aaron responded.

Rickie clipped the radio to his belt and went about surveying the area for anything that needed attending to when he saw a familiar face.

_No way! What's he doing here? Oh my God! Do I say something? He's here, right, so it's not like he's hiding. I should say something. Should I? Stop it. It's just a hello. Well, here goes nothing._

Rickie walked over, smile on his face and tapped Corey on the shoulder.

"Hey."

"Oh, h-hey." Responded a flustered Corey

"So, you're…here."

"Uh-yeah. I uh, my uh friend, Ana, she asked me to come with her."

"Oh." _Does that mean he's not gay? _"Where is she?"

"I kinda lost her." He looked around, "lots of people here."

"Yeah. So, um you having a good time?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's interesting. All the uh, the people and stuff." Corey was temporarily distracted by man in leather chaps passing by them.

"Alrighty then." Rickie commented.

The two boys looked at each other and burst into laughter. Once recovered, Corey spoke.

"So, is Rayanne here?"

"No, I came with another friend. He's working security. We uh…we helped organize it." Rickie swallowed hard, realizing that for all intents and purposes, he has just stated his sexual orientation.

"Oh, cool. Well, I better go find Ana. See you at school."

"Yeah. Yeah, see you at...school."

Rickie watched Corey walk away and tried to understand why it was he was feeling disappointed.

_Why should it matter to me if he's straight or gay? I have Aaron and I don't have to guess about anything with him, or hide who I am or wonder what he'll think of me._

**xXx**

Brian unloaded the last of the boxes with Rayanne, while Rusty and Amber moved furniture about upstairs.

"So, I've been doing some research about your uh, problem."

"Krakow, you make it sound like I'm knocked up. Do you have me confused with Cherski or something? I'm not a teenaged mom, I'm a teenaged drunk, get your vices straight."

"God help me, I think I'm getting used to your insanity. That didn't faze me in the least."

"So, Dr. Freud, what'd you come up with?" She said as she dragged a box to the truck's edge, where Brian reached up and effortlessly moved it to the curb.

"You need a distraction, something to focus on so you won't think about drinking so much."

"Isn't that what I have you for?" She stood facing him with her hands on her hips.

"Okay, let me re-phrase that. You need a _healthy_ distraction." Brian rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Are you implying that we have a dysfunctional relationship, Steve?"

"I told you to stop calling me that." He reached up for another box.

"Why? I like it. You can call me Jade if that makes you feel better." She offered

"Do you want to hear what I have to say or not, because I can leave now." Responded an exasperated Brian.

"We really have to work on your sense of humor. Go ahead, yeesh." She took a seat at the end of the truck, allowing her legs to dangle over the edge.

"Do you have any hobbies? Something you like to do?" Brian leaned against the truck as he spoke.

"Um, that would be drinking. Any other bright ideas?"

"C'mon, there must be something else you like to do."

Rayanne jumped down from the truck, sauntered over, and looked at him provocatively.

"Yeah, but I don't think that counts as a hobby."

Brian groaned and rolled his eyes, before straightening his stance.

"Look, I'm trying to help you, but if you're not going to be serious about this, it's won't work."

"Okay, okay. Let me think." Rayanne twirled her hair as she reached into her pocket and came back out with a bag of Swedish Fish. She offered Brian some of the candy, which he promptly declined. She placed the bright red candy fish at her lips and just as she was about to take a bite, she yelled out, startling Brian.

"Food. I like food." She thrust the candy in his face as if to offer evidence of this fact.

Brian pursed his lips and looked at her with a stony face.

"That's it! I don't know what I was thinking. _You_ are hopeless and _I_ am leaving." And with that, he turned on his heels to leave.

"No, wait. Krac-Brian, wait." Rayanne followed behind him. "I'm not kidding. I like food. Once, when I was at Angela's, I made sauce with her dad and it was…nice." Realizing that she was holding on to Brian's arm and pleading with him to stay, she quickly withdrew her hand and placed both of her hands in the pockets of her overalls.

"So, what? You want to take cooking classes or something?"

Rayanne looked at him blankly for a second and then he saw it. It could only be described as a glint. There was a glint in her eyes. The corners of her mouth slowly pulled up into a smile and Brian braced himself for the next crazy thing he was sure would fly out of her mouth.

"C'mon, let's get this stuff upstairs so we can be done with it already." She led the way inside.

Brian entered the apartment behind Rayanne. He had no idea what expect, but it certainly wasn't what he found. A pretty blonde woman who he assumed to be Rayanne's mother entered the living room looking flushed and slightly disheveled.

"Well, Raynie, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Amber smiled demurely at Brian.

"Amber, Brian. Brian, Amber." Rayanne reluctantly made the introductions.

Brian, still holding his box simply stared in amazement at what he imagined would be Rayanne in 15-20 years.

"Well, hello Curly Top." She winked at him flirtatiously, while Rayanne rolled her eyes. "You can drop that right over there." She purred, pointing to a corner of the living room.

"Uh, Mom..." Rayanne gestured toward Amber's inside out shirt. Amber gave her the stink-eye and smiled at Brian.

"New place...christening the rooms." She winked at him again.

Brian tried his best not to let his horror show through, thinking that Rayanne must be suffering enough already.

As Rayanne and Brian made their way to her room, Amber called after them. "Christening only counts when me and Rusty do it." She laughed. "We took care of your room yesterday."

Brian and Rayanne poised at the edge of her bed, in mid-sit halted and stared at each other, then surveyed the room as they stood.

"Outside?" Brian asked.

"I'm way ahead of you," She replied.

**x.X.x.**

He'd be getting off work in a little while and Angela was on her way over to the garage with dinner. They'd hang out there while he worked on her car and he would be content to be distracted by her. The weekends were the most difficult. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed the relative comfort of his bed.

"Hey Manny, did a part come in for me?"

Manny nodded his head and pointed to the office.

"You been working real hard on that car."

"Yeah." Jordan felt his stomach tighten, afraid that Manny was going to tell him that he couldn't store the car there anymore.

"Does it run?"

"Not yet."

"Let me know if you need help with it." He patted Jordan on the back. "Sometimes the Volkswagens, they can be difficult."

"Yeah, sure. Thanks."

"Lock up, okay? I'm going home early. No kids tonight." He wagged his eyebrows at Jordan, who laughed.

"I got it. I'll lock up."

"Oh, and you should use the pillow and blanket in my office next time you sleep in the break room. And the insurance doesn't cover overnight guests, got it?"

Jordan's mouth fell open and all he could do was nod in response.

**xXx**

Jonathan placed three bowls of ice cream on the table, placing two spoons in one of the bowls.

"Two spoons, just like you asked for Aaron."

"Thanks. I'm so full from dinner, but there's no way I could pass up Cherry Garcia ice cream."

Everyone smiled and nodded as they dove into their desserts.

"It sounds like you had a great time." Jonathan gushed. "I wish we could've been there."

Mr. Katimsky gave him a pointed look, this obviously being a bone of contention between them.

"It was amazing. I already volunteered to work on next year's parade."

"Yeah, he was great. The organizers keep thanking me for bringing him in on the planning. I think they're happier to have him than me." Aaron feigned offense.

"No, you're so good at dealing with all the crazies. There was this one guy, he kept trying to streak and every time he went to take his coat off, Aaron caught him. It was hilarious."

"I'm glad you found it funny. I spent the whole day tracking this guy. He's a total nutjob. I kept catching him just as he opened the coat and the worst part was that he wasn't even hot. He had this pot belly and..." He shook his head in disgust. "It was just bad."

The room erupted into laughter.

"You two look beat." Mr. Katimsky observed.

"I didn't feel it until I sat in the car." Rickie commented.

"We decided to skip the after parties and get something to eat. I have practice early tomorrow, so I'm going home to crash."

"Well, those dishes aren't going to do themselves." Jonathan tugged at Mr. Katimsky's sleeve. "Come and help me, will you?"

"Uh, sure. It was ah, nice to see you again, ah Aaron. Come by again soon."

"Thanks. I will."

"Richard…" They heard Jonathan call from the kitchen.

"I'm right behind you." He responded as he rushed out of the room.

Rickie and Aaron sat at the table together sharing a bowl of ice cream.

"So, you're folks are cool. You're really lucky."

"They're the best."

Rickie scooped up the last of the ice cream.

"Hey, you're not sharing." Aaron teased.

Rickie presented the spoon to him and Aaron gulped it down while giggling. Rickie, realizing that he had just fed Aaron ice cream from his own spoon, could feel the heat creeping into his face and had to avert his eyes from Aaron's mouth.

"I should go. Gotta get up early." Rickie nodded, not trusting himself to speak as yet.

Aaron got up and made his way to the door.

"I'll walk down with you." Rickie said, finally feeling able to keep his voice steady.

They got to the car and as tired as he was, Rickie just wasn't ready to say goodnight.

"You coming to practice tomorrow?" Aaron asked as he fished in his pocket for his keys.

"Sure. Pick me up?"

"Of course."

"Okay, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Rickie turned away and made a step towards the building, but changed his mind.

"Aaron."

Aaron turned to face him and Rickie kissed him. Being completely inexperienced, Rickie was unprepared for Aaron's response. What started as a soft, chaste kiss quickly became a passionate exchange.

Aaron pulled back and stepped away. Rickie was a mess of emotions. He was swooning and breathless from the kiss, embarrassed by his own forwardness, and confused by Aaron's reaction.

"I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?" Panic in his voice.

Aaron stood still, looking at the ground.

"Get in." He pointed at the car.

"I can't leave. I didn't tell them I was leaving."

"We're not leaving."

Rickie got into the passenger seat and they sat in silence for a minute before Aaron spoke.

"You didn't do anything wrong…I did."

"What?"

Aaron turned in his seat to face Rickie as he explained.

"Look, part of me wanted that to happen, like for awhile, and it was…great, but you're a kid and this can't work." Aaron shook his head as he spoke the last three words, unconsciously reinforcing what he said.

"What do you mean? I thought...but you…"

"I know, I just wasn't thinking. Hanging out with you is great. You're cute and funny and I could talk to you all day, but you're a kid-"

"Stop saying that!" Rickie yelled. "What does that even mean?"

"It means that you're just learning about all of this and I've been in the game for awhile. I can't go back."

"Go back to what?" Rickie asked, eyes narrowed, head shaking.

Aaron laughed.

"This is exactly what I mean. You don't even know what I'm talking about. The fact that you're even asking me that... Rickie, you've never even had a boyfriend. I bet that was your first kiss, right?"

Rickie refused to answer for fear that he'd die of embarrassment.

"It's okay. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that. You're a ki-, you're 16. That's where you're supposed to be, but I'm not 16 and I can't go back. I like you, but I can't be with you and not…_be_ with you."

"Oh my God, I'm so stupid." Realization dawning on him, Rickie is mortified that it's taken him this long to understand what Aaron's been trying to explain.

"No, you're not. If I was just starting out, there would be no question, but I'm not willing to wait. I'm just not. I'm sorry."

Rickie turned his face to chance a look at Aaron and immediately regretted it. He could feel the sting of hot tears, but refused to let them fall.

"I have to go." Rickie reaches for the door handle.

**x.X.x.**

"Hello?"

"Is she home?"

"No. She's not."

"I told you I wanted her in the house by 11."

"And I told you that I wasn't changing her curfew."

Graham fumed and Patty said nothing. They were silent for few seconds before Graham slammed the phone back onto its cradle.

"I can't believe her! She acts like I don't have a say in my own house. She won't be satisfied until Angela is pregnant, just like Sharon." He paced the office, ranting as Hallie stood listening. "She had the audacity to blame me for Danielle cutting class, but it's okay for Angela to be shacked up with some, some, thug?"

"Graham, you need to calm down." She placed her hand on his arm. "Calm down."

He stopped pacing and leaned against the desk.

"I'm just, I can see it happening. It's going to happen unless we put a stop to it."

"Graham, just because they have the opportunity to sleep together doesn't mean they will, does it? I mean, they could." She steps closer to him and continues. "But will they?"

Graham stares at her for a few seconds and takes a deep breath, "No, I guess they won't." He moves off to the right of her and towards the door.

Hallie's disappointment is evident.

"I'm uh, I'm going to my brother's. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be here."

**xXx**

Graham couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was like a man without a country.

"Nope. Can't do it." Neal Chase stood with his front door ajar looking out at his brother in the hallway.

"Neal, you're seriously telling me I can't stay here tonight."

"Yes, I'm seriously telling you that you can't stay here. I'm not helping you to ruin your life. You're the smart brother, so be the smart brother and go home."

"You don't understand. She just, she…well, she just totally emasculated me. I mean, I can't even be a man in my own house. What is that about?" Graham runs a hand through his hair.

"I'm sure you two can work it all out, but you can't do that from here. Go home and talk to your wife. Goodnight, Graham."

Neal closes the door in Graham's face. Defeated, he walks to his car and drives home. He parks the car, but it's another 20 minutes before he can bring himself to go inside.

He enters the bedroom and begins taking off his clothes.

"Oh, you're home." Patty comments.

"I decided that this was my house too and I shouldn't be run out of it."

"No one ran you out of it. You opted out, it was your choice."

"Is Angela home?"

"Not yet."

"It's after midnight."

"I told you. I'm not changing her curfew."

Graham showers and dresses for bed. A glance at the clock tells him it's nearly 1am. He's too angry to sleep and he has no desire to share a bed with Patty. As he gathers bedding to make up the couch, he hears Angela enter the house, come up the stairs, and go into her room. While relieved that she's finally home, he can't help but think about what she must have been doing before coming in tonight. He looks up at the ceiling and prays for sleep to relieve him of his anger and frustration.

**xXx**

**A/N: Hi Everyone! Sorry it's been so long between updates. I made sure that this was a super long chapter (17 pgs in Word!) to hold you over for a while. I'm up to my eyeballs in work, but I wanted to get one last post up before the end of 2010. Can you believe it's almost over? **

**Okay, so, of course I'm going to encourage you to leave a review, but more than that, I could really use the love right now. I'm about to work through the toughest part of my graduate program to date and you'd be surprised how much a little fanfic love can do for a person's morale. **

**Since you probably won't get anything from me before mid-January, let me say Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy New Year and of course, Festivus, lol. Be safe and happy. See you in 2011!**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

As they walk down the busy street, Brian tries, to no avail, to deter Rayanne from her present course.

"I don't know about this Rayanne."

"It's perfect. I'm telling you. I'll have supervision, I'll be helping out, and I'll learn something useful." She stops walking and looks at him before continuing. "Shouldn't _you_ be the one pointing out these kinds of things?"

"Look, I'm not saying the idea's not , like without its merits, or whatever. It's just that you'll also be around alcohol, in a stressful environment, and there's still, y'know, the issue of whether or not they'll even go for it."

Brian was concerned about what a rejection would do to her. He was quickly realizing that this situation was way beyond his abilities. The more he read about addiction, the less his helping her seemed like a good idea. He'd never thought it was a good idea to begin with, but he figured that he was smart and had access to great resources, so at the very least he could steer her in the right direction. Not long after they formed this odd relationship, he realized that there was no steering Rayanne Graf. The girl was a force to be reckoned with. He wondered what she could have done with the right guidance and a more structured home life. Of course, then he thought that even with all of that, he was a mess, so what did he know?

Rayanne stops briefly and Brian thinks he's gotten through to her, but realizes that she's watching a window dresser change the display in a boutique window.

"Not _'they.'_ _Him_. He'll go for it. Mr. C'll go for it. I'm sure of it."

"Fine, but if he doesn't? What's Plan B?" Brian persisted.

Rayanne faces him and looks at him with annoyance.

"Again, shouldn't _you_ be the one coming up with this stuff? What do I have you for anyway? I'm beginning to think maybe you're not the best sponsor after all. I'm the one doing all the work here."

"Graf, really, you have to stop and listen for a minute." Brian tried his best to sound firm.

Rayanne stopped walking and turned to face him.

"I'm listening." She shifted her bag to onto her hip and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Look, I'm just saying that this is not like, guaranteed. If he says no, you can't like, go off the deep end, or whatever."

"Aww, Krackow. You worried about little ol' me?" She said in an exaggerated southern accent.

Brian hangs his head and sighs heavily.

"Don't worry; I'm not going to do anything crazy. If he says no, which he won't, but if he does, I can always get a job at the mall." She shudders in mock horror. "It'll be fine. I promise. I'll call you when I get home. Scout's Honor." She holds up three fingers.

"You were a Girl Scout?" Brian asks, sincerely shocked.

"Why does everyone assume that?" She says in exasperation. "No, that's the _Boy Scout_ symbol. I really don't have time to explain right now. I'll call you later." And with that she was on her way. Looking back over her shoulder, she shouted to him. "Scout's Honor."

Outside of Saffron, Rayanne takes a deep breath before going in. She asks for Graham and is taken to Hallie instead.

"What can I do for you?" Hallie smiles warily at Rayanne.

"I'm uh, I'm here to see Mr. Chase." Rayanne shifts from left to right. The butterflies in her stomach have grown to pterodactyl size and she is seriously missing her flask. There was something about this woman that made her nervous. She started to question her prior confidence in her friend's father. If this woman had the deciding vote, Rayanne was sure that she'd be slinging burgers or hawking t-shirts at the local mall in no time flat.

"Can I ask what you need to see him for?"

"Um, it's uh, kinda _personal_." She whispered for effect.

Hallie narrowed her eyes just slightly.

"Graham! Someone's here to see you." Hallie walked back towards the kitchen, passing Graham and gesturing toward the dining room.

"Rayanne! What are you doing here? Everything ok?" Graham's warm and welcoming smile was a direct contrast to the one she'd received from Hallie.

"Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?"

"Um, okay." Graham looked expectantly at her.

"Oh, so I was thinking. You know how we like, cooked together that time…at your house…when I was waiting for Angela… You know what, nevermind." She turned on her heels. "Nevermind, forget that I like, even came here. Sorry to bug you."

Graham reached out and touched her shoulder.

"Rayanne." He led her to a table at the back of the restaurant. "What's going on? Why did you come to see me?"

"Well, um, you know how I like… I um, had like, a drinking problem." She snorted. "I mean, I had no problem drinking, but I… uh. Okay, so, I was thinking that if I like, kept busy, you know? With something that was…interesting, like, maybe cooking, that maybe I wouldn't think about drinking so much." She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his, having avoided his gaze while she was talking.

"Are you asking me for a job?"

"No, no…I guess it would be like volunteering, like…like, an internship, maybe, sort of…?"

"An internship?" Graham mused.

"I could like, help out. Doing whatever."

"I'm going to be straight with you Rayanne." Her shoulders slumped and she prepared herself for the rejection that was surely coming. Suddenly, Krackow's fears didn't seem so misplaced or silly and the craving for alcohol was growing at an alarming rate. "Rayanne?"

"Huh?"

"I have no problem with you 'interning' as long as we're clear that this is a serious business. I can't deal with nonsense while I'm trying to deal with restaurant business. If you can agree to that you can hang out with me in the kitchen and I'll teach you some basic stuff. How does that sound?"

"So, you're saying yes?"

"Sure. You know, this might just work out for both of us. I could use an expediter. We'll start with the basics. You'll have to learn knife skills and then we'll move on to sauces."

"Knife skills?"

"Yup, you have to learn the difference between a chop and a dice, then there's julienne and French cut. Don't worry, there are about 400 stalks of celery in there…" He pointed toward the kitchen as he rose from his seat, extending his hand to assist her. Turning her in the direction he'd just indicated, he gave her a pat on the back, "…and they all have your name on them."

"Thank you?" She said, wondering if this was such a good idea after all.

"You're very welcome." Graham said with a smirk.

**xXx**

"Now add the water and the tomato sauce." Rickie stood off to the side, passing Angela ingredients, one at a time.

"This is really easy." She smiled as she stirred the pot. "Oh my God, that smells so good." She said, catching a whiff of their creation.

"Yeah, it's my favorite dish. Well, my second favorite, but the other one would take too long."

"Do you cook a lot?" She asked.

"Not anymore. Jonathan does most of the cooking or we order take out."

"You should cook for them. This is amazing. I think they'd love it." She gushed.

"Hmm, maybe." A hint of sadness in his tone.

Angela watches as Rickie checks the flame.

"So, are we going to pretend that Friday didn't happen, or are you going to tell me about Aaron?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Rickie sighs.

"What's wrong?" Her curiosity instantly replaced by concern for her friend.

"There's nothing to tell?"

"Really? Because from what I saw..."

"He's not interested." Rickie's eyes are downcast. Feeling the heat of fresh tears, he takes a deep breath and tries to regain his composure.

"It didn't look to me like he wasn't interested."

"Me either. That's the problem."

Angela looks at him, brows knitted in confusion.

"I kissed him." He said flatly.

"_You_ kissed _him_?" Surprise evident in her features.

Rickie nods and turns toward the table, taking a seat.

"O. Kay. And…" She asked, following suit.

"And he said that he thought I was great or whatever but I'm a kid…"

"He's only like, two years older than you. Jordan's two years older than me." She declared, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"He's no Jordan." Rickie snickered, realizing the irony in what he's just said.

"What do you mean?"

"You know how…well, I mean, you and Jordan haven't…" He cleared his throat, "Aaron's not like…patient." He replies, giving Angela a knowing look.

"Patient?"

"Patient. In the same way that Jordan is…patient."

"Oh." She replied, finally understanding.

They're both silent for a moment. Rickie sits thinking about how ironic it is that the same Jordan who pressured his friend into nearly having sex is now the standard by which he's judging Aaron. Angela's thoughts are not too dissimilar, except that she's wondering if Rickie came as close to compromise as she had. She doesn't feel comfortable asking how far things went or how they ended up at the place where this was even an issue. Still, she has questions about their relationship, having been in the dark up until very recently.

"So how did you…know?"

"Know what?"

"About Aaron. That he's gay."

Rickie hesitates, playing with a napkin before answering.

"He took me to a gay club." He raised his eyes to meet hers, which were wide with surprise.

"And you didn't tell me?" Her offense was only partially feigned.

"I couldn't." He'd felt that telling anyone about his experience would be the same as telling Aaron's story and he didn't have the right to do that.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. Does Rayanne know? Nevermind, stupid question. If Rayanne knew I'd know."

"Exactly. Besides, I can't like, deal with her right now. She's been kinda…I don't know, difficult?"

"So, what was it like?"

"It was incredible, but weird, y'know? Like, it was comfortable, but really strange because I'd never like, been around other guys who were…like me." He still found it difficult to say "gay" out loud. He wondered if he'd ever be comfortable with it and that made him think of all the people he'd met since hanging out with Aaron. Some were out and proud, others were quiet about it, and still others, had barely put their foot out of the closet.

"So, when did this happen?"

"A while ago. Remember when Aaron took Sharon and me home after that show at Vertigo?"

"That was like, forever ago!" She squawked.

He gave her a sheepish smile.

"And you two have been like, dating since?"

"No! We were just friends. I mean, we were hanging out all the time, but that's over now."

He looks crestfallen and Angela's heart breaks a little for her friend.

"Well, in my humble opinion, he's the one missing out."

"He said that if I'd had other boyfriends or whatever, if he hadn't been out there for so long…" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Well that's just stupid. You've been hanging out for almost two months and he won't call you his boyfriend because you're not ready for sex? That's just…stupid. Stupid and selfish." Her words sounded harsher than she'd meant.

"I really don't want to talk about it anymore." She could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"You didn't. It's just…" His breath hitched as he sighed.

"What?"

"I'm so tired of being the third wheel. I'm so tired of giving everyone else advice while my life is going like, nowhere. I just want my own relationship. Is that so bad?" He looked at her with questioning eyes.

"No, of course not. Listen, if you had told me back in September that I'd have a boyfriend and that, that boyfriend would be Jordan Catalano; I'd have laughed in your face. As a matter of fact, I did laugh in Rayanne's face when she told me that she could get him to notice me."

Angela walks over and drapes herself around Rickie's shoulders, hugging him tightly, before looking him in the eye.

"You have no idea what's ahead. There's someone out there for you and to Hell with Aaron if he doesn't want to be that someone."

"Thanks." Rickie sniffles and puts to use the napkin he'd been nervously working over.

A knock at the back door draws their attention.

"Hey."

Jordan entered the kitchen, wearing her favorite outfit, a sleeveless tee and coveralls that sat precariously low on his hips.

"Hi, I didn't expect to see you tonight." Angela says while her eyes take him in.

Noticing Rickie, Jordan nods at him.

"Hi." Rickie replies weakly.

"You left this in the car; I figured you'd need it." He hands her a geometry text book.

"Thanks, I thought I left it at school. It's like a mental block or something. It's like I unconsciously _want_ to lose this book." She tosses it onto the table in disgust. "That's the third time I've lost it this week."

"Somethin' smells good." Jordan turns his attention to the stove top and the pot atop it that is whistling and out of which steam is flowing.

"We have this thing for Spanish class, like a party or whatever and we have to make a Spanish dish, so Rickie's teaching me to make _arroz con pollo_, chicken and rice." She went over and lifted the cover off of the pot. Jordan looked into the pot. His mouth watered at the aroma.

"I made extra." She smiled. "If you stop by on your way home, I'll save you some." Her offer was clearly a ploy to get a few minutes with him later that evening. She knew that he would never turn down such a mouthwatering dish.

"I could do that." He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, while in his mind, he was counting the hours until he could return.

Sensing that they needed a minute alone, Rickie excused himself and left the kitchen. Jordan wrapped his arms around Angela's waist and kissed her on the neck.

"You're gonna make me burn myself." She wriggled away from him and over to the sink. "Okay, that's better. You may continue." She giggled as he kissed her neck.

"So you're gonna stop by later?" She whispered breathlessly in his ear.

"Yeah, around nine-thirty. Think your mom will mind?" He mumbled into her neck.

"Are you kidding? For her precious Jordan, anything." She said dramatically, laughing while pretending to stick her finger down her throat.

"I'm not complainin'." He snickered.

Angela swatted him with a towel. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, she knows how to make a man feel wanted." He teased.

"Eeew, okay. Stop. Please. I'll do whatever you want just please stop talking like that."

"Anything?" His voice was like melting butter and it caused her breath to catch. She was staring at his mouth, thoughts running through her mind. He watched her cheeks redden and laughed.

"You're the worst. Go to work. Bye." She pushed him back a little and walked to the back door, opening it in an attempt to maintain control.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, tell your friend he can catch a ride later if he wants." Jordan offered as he stepped outside.

"He'll catch a ride with us in the morning. He's spending the night."

"He's spending the night? Where?" He turned back feigning jealousy.

"In my room." She said teasingly.

"Can I spend the night in your room?" He was making his way back into the house.

"Not quite the same thing. Bye." She giggled while pushing him out the door.

"Later." He laughed as he made his way to the car.

As she watched him pull out of the driveway, she thought of what Rickie had said to her about not having a someone of his own and it made her heart hurt.

**xXx**

"Rayanne, you're finished already?" Graham asked.

"Uh-huh." She stepped back from the cutting board.

"Show me what you did."

"These are chopped, those are finely chopped, these are diced, and I got Jorge to show me how to julienne while you were in the office…it's not so good, but I never did it before, so…" She pointed to the neat little piles on her cutting board.

"You're a natural. These look great! Whoa, are you bleeding? Let me see your hand."

"It's nothin'. I made sure to wash the knife and I didn't get any blood on the vegetables, I swear." She put her hands down at her sides, away from his view.

"I'm not worried about that, Rayanne." He examined her hand and the two superficial cuts on her fingers. "Come with me."

Graham led her to the sink and washed her hand with cold water.

"This is going to sting like a sonofabitch, but it'll stop the bleeding. Ready?"

"N-oooow!" She bellowed as he poured undiluted vinegar on her wounds.

"I told you it would hurt." He chuckled. "You'll remember to tuck your fingers next time, yes?"

She nodded, dabbing her hands with a paper towel.

"Good." He reached for a tube of superglue, unscrewing the cap.

"Hey, what are you doing?" She watched as he applied a dab of the adhesive to each of her wounds.

"I'm making sure that the cuts stay closed and that none of the salads you work on next will have a band-aid as a garnish." He smirked.

"Oh." She looked at her hand and back at him. "You really do learn something new every day, huh?"

"Take this and add the garnish. Do you remember what goes on the plate?" He asked.

"Um, yeah, I got it." She arranged a sprig of parsley and sprinkled the plate lightly with finely chopped chives, cleaned the edges and handed it back to Graham.

"Good job. You're getting the hang of this. Want to help me with this Béchamel?"

"Yeah?" She looks at him tentatively.

"Yeah, we're a little slow right now, so take advantage."

He instructed her as to what to add to the pot, showed her how to move the ingredients around, and before long they'd finished the sauce.

"See. You had no problem with that. Next pot I need, you're making it, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Rayanne beamed at him.

**xXx**

Jordan's stomach grumbled loudly in response to the heavenly smells wafting up toward him from the front passenger seat, where a container of _arroz con pollo_ sat. He'd just left Angela's house, wishing Rickie had chosen another night to stay over. He missed her. It had been a few days since they had any substantial alone time. The school year was quickly coming to a close and there were last minute extra credit assignments that he had taken on in hopes of raising his grades sufficiently to earn a promotion to the next grade. All he wanted was to get to the loft so that he could take a shower, eat, and go to sleep, but Kate wanted to see him. He cursed Shane's big mouth all the way to the house, figuring that she was going to read him the riot act for withholding from her the fact that Anthony had thrown him out. He pulled into the driveway and noticed that Shane's car wasn't there.

_Rat. He made sure he wasn't here. Whatever, it's not like I'm not gonna see him and kick his ass tomorrow._

"Hey Kate." He said tentatively as he entered through the back door to find her seated at the kitchen table drinking a beer.

"Hey." She tilted the bottle at him offering him one, which he declined. The setting was too reminiscent of his last night at home and he didn't want to ever associate Kate with such a miserable memory.

"So, um, I know I probably should hav-" He started, but she put her hand up to stop him.

"Relax, you're not on the hot seat, though now I'm wonderin' what you were getting ready to explain your way out of." She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Anyway, I'll find out about all that soon enough, I'm sure. The reason I wanted to see you was cuz I think you might be headed for some trouble" He was confused. If she didn't know about his situation, what trouble could he be in?

"That little girl who came by here on Mother's Day, that's Angela's little sister, right?"

Jordan nodded, a frown forming on his face as he leaned against the sink, arms folded in front of him

"I just thought you should know that she's been over here a few times since then and I'm only saying something because it looks like she's messing around with Stephen AND Sean and I can't have that. You know that I don't get involved in what goes on with you boys and whatever chicks you're rubbing up against, but someone's gonna get hurt and this hits too close to you, so if I were you, I'd have a chat with that little missy."

"When you say 'messing around'…" He probed.

"I don't know exactly, but I've walked into the room a few times and everyone is real jumpy. In my experience, that constitutes 'messin' around.' " Kate was not an air quote kind of person, her use of them now only demonstrated how perturbed she was by this situation.

Jordan had no idea how to deal with this. He didn't see it as being his business, but if things blew up and Angela found out that he knew, she'd be pissed.

"Can't you just tell her to quit coming over here?" He asked.

"I did." Kate took a long sip of her beer before continuing. "She showed up again today."

Jordan sighs heavily.

**xXx**

They breathed a collective sigh. They were sweaty and there was no air left in the car. Shane reached over to crack a window, letting in much needed fresh air. He reached for his shirt and threw himself back on the seat, exhausted.

"So, when are you coming back over?" She panted, her breathing still not back to normal.

"Day after tomorrow." He said matter-of-factly as he reached for his boxers and handed her the black lace bra that had been tossed aside nearly an hour before. "I'm supposed to sculpt the hedges out front."

"See, I told you this was a great idea. Everyone wins. You have a job you love, my mom gets the yard she's always wanted…"

He cut her off, "And you get nailed as much as you want." He laughed.

"You're such a pig, Donnelly!" She threw a shoe at him.

"What? It's the truth." Shane continued to laugh, while deflecting the shoe.

"Whatever, my point was, I was right." Sharon said in exasperation.

"Yeah, I gotta admit, it's working out. Of course, your…'_demands_' are probably gonna kill me before the summer's out, but I guess there are worse ways to go." He smirked at her while she fastened the final button on her now wrinkled dress.

"I don't recall you complaining when you got to the house this afternoon, _or_ after you cut the lawn, _or_ just a few minutes ago. In fact," She crawled toward him seductively and whispered in his ear. "a few minutes ago, it sounded like you were thanking me." She drew his earlobe into her mouth, causing him to moan involuntarily.

"Like that?" She whispered, his earlobe still trapped between her teeth.

"Hell yeah, but seriously, I got nothin' left, baby." He straightened up, climbed into the front seat, and looked back at a pouting Sharon, a sight which amused him greatly.

"Get up here, you horny hussy. I gotta go home and get some rest so you can use me some more tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" She smiled. "I thought you weren't coming over until day after tomorrow?"

"I'm not, but we always have the boiler room."

He dropped her off a block away. On the walk to her house, she thought about their various romps and her anticipation for "tomorrow" grew exponentially. She cursed her raging hormones as she ascended the stairs to her room. The familiar ache had returned with a vengeance, as she gathered her toiletries and headed into the shower and she was immediately grateful for the invention of the detachable shower head.

**xXx**

**A/N: It's been a very long time and I am so sorry to have kept you waiting. I've had my hands more than full during the past few months. I took and passed my qualifying exams, so the doctorate is now within reach; maybe another year, maybe less. An even greater challenge, I've started homeschooling my middle-schooler. Feel free to PM me with tips or advice if you have experience in that area. Anyway, I hope this was enough to keep me in your good graces. I'm trying to get the next chapter posted fairly quickly, but as always, don't hold me to that. I'm fairly certain you won't be waiting for as long as you have for this chapter and I promise to put a little steamy Angela/Jordan interaction in the next bit. As always, I'm looking forward to your feedback.**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Hi folks, remember me? LOL **

**Sorry for the ridiculously long delay in getting back to this fic. Hopefully, this long chapter will put me back into your good graces. I'm already at work on the next one. HUGE thanks to GNG for her awesome beta skills *blows kisses* Special thanks to everyone who has read, re-read, PM'd, reviewed, alerted, and favorited. I just want to say that last month, this fic had over 2, 000 hits and I hadn't even updated. You guys rock. Without further delay…**

**xXx**

Sharon watched the girl in front of her run the gymnastic circuit laid out before them. As the girl mounted the uneven bars, Sharon began her run for the springboard that would lead to the vault horse.

"Cherski, slow down!" Ms. McKenna, the gym teacher shouted.

Sharon landed with a thud, having missed the horse completely.

"Cherski!" Ms. McKenna yelled as she approached Sharon.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." Righting herself as she spoke. "I'm fine."

"What the hell was that, Cherski?" the teacher demanded in a whispered shout. "What are you trying to do, kill yourself?"

"I overshot, that's all." She straightened her clothing and headed for the back of the line, intent on making another attempt at completing the circuit.

"I don't think so. You're done. Locker room." Ms. McKenna pointed over her shoulder, towards the locker room.

"Whatever. It wasn't a big deal. I overshot. I'm fine." Sharon protested.

"I didn't ask for your opinion. All I need is for you to… Why are you still standing there? I _said_ locker room!"

As Sharon passed by, Ms. McKenna pulled her aside, purposefully turning away from the other girls as spoke.

"Principal Foster informed me of your…condition and I'm letting you know now, one more stunt like that and you will find yourself writing a term paper on the history of golf instead of participating. I don't even want you in here, but you don't have a medical restriction, so there's nothing I can do about it…yet."

Sharon turned bright red with a combination of anger and embarrassment. She could see the other girls whispering and staring at her.

"Go get dressed and head over to the Nurse's office. I want it documented. And don't think that it's not obvious what you're trying to do." Ms. McKenna added

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play innocent with me. You've never been that enthusiastic in gym class before. You want to cause yourself a miscarriage, that's your business. Just don't do it on my watch. Got it?"

Sharon marched off, grumbling under her breath as she went.

**xXx**

"Mmmm." She moaned as he drew an earlobe between his lips. "It's been like, forever since we did this."

Their schedules had kept them from spending much time alone these days. Jordan was working long hours at the garage. Every yahoo with a kid graduating from high school was bringing in some wreck to fix up as a graduation gift for their little Johnny or Susie. It drove him nuts. Their expectations were completely unrealistic. He could make most anything pretty; paint went a long way and covered a multitude of sins, but getting these rust buckets to run well, that was another story. Invariably, he'd get the dad who dropped off a Chevette and expected to pick up a Corvette the following week. It reminded him of a word Brian had taught him recently, _alchemy_. Brian had said that the classic example of alchemy was the changing of ordinary metal into gold. Jordan thought his example made for a good comparison.

Angela had been no better off. Suddenly she had become Danielle's keeper. She was expected home directly after school and she couldn't leave until one of her parents came home. She had asked why it was that she was being punished and was thoroughly surprised when her mother mentioned that it was, in fact, Danielle who was serving time, though Patty had shared no further information regarding the younger sibling's offense. Angela had managed to go to practice with Jordan only once in the last week. She felt like a part of her was missing. Every kiss shared before and after school, every touch and glance during school was magnified a hundred times over and it was torturous.

It was Friday and with Patty off from work, Angela was free. She could think of nothing else all day. They'd ditched English both today and the day before, because Mr. Katimsky was absent. She was now missing Geometry for the first time in weeks. She knew she'd pay for it, but she thought the sacrifice was worth the cost.

"Jordan…" She moaned his name as he worked furiously to take her over the edge.

Jordan was consumed with the need to be near her, to touch her. The day before, when she asked him to skip English and go with her to the boiler room, she'd barely gotten the words out of her mouth before they were down the stairs and in each other's arms. The brief makeout sessions they'd had during lunch today only served to grow their need exponentially and led to them to the boiler room.

"Jordan?"

"Hmmm."

"Let's cut last." She panted

The promise of a less awkward venue, less clothing, and more time drew his attention from her breasts, which he now held in both hands.

"We can go to the loft. We got a while before practice starts."

She nodded.

"Does that mean you wanna stop?" He asked, praying that the answer was no, because either way, he couldn't go back upstairs anytime soon.

She licked his bottom lip and pulled on it with her teeth. "Uh-uh."

_Thank God._

The next two periods seemed to last much longer than the hour and a half they were scheduled to occupy. Finally, they were on their way, cutting last period in favor of heading to the loft for some "alone time" before everyone else arrived for practice.

Once inside the front door, he picked her up and pressed himself between her legs, pinning her to the back of the door. She wrapped her legs around his waist drawing him closer. Running her fingers through his hair, she groaned into his mouth, fueling his need and he pressed into her even harder. Needing to remove the barriers between them, he placed his hands under her and pulled back from the door, carrying her up the stairs. The way that he effortlessly lifted her and maneuvered around, never breaking contact, never stopping to survey the terrain always amazed her. It was like he had some sixth sense.

Now, with her nestled into his arms, he planted tiny kisses on her neck and across her collarbone. His hands roamed her form as if he was trying to get reacquainted with it. He felt her hands reach under his shirt and it was all he could do not to rip hers off completely. He had come to know her body so well. He could read every movement, every goose bump, as if it were a roadmap to her satisfaction. She pressed herself into him forcing him to grind himself into her middle. This elicited a throaty moan from her as she drew her nails across his back. He thought he would go insane. Everything was heightened today and as much as he wanted to revel in it, he knew it would be over quickly if he didn't do something to draw it out.

He lavished attention on her breasts, licking, sucking, caressing. She could feel his breath on her belly as he kissed her belly button. He attempted to place her leg over his shoulder, nipping and licking at the inside of her thigh, when she stopped him. Never one to force the issue, he took her lead and made his way north once more. As anxious as she was to experience the intimacy they had shared on the night of his birthday, it was such an intimate thing that she couldn't imagine facing his band mates afterwards. She was sure there would be some indicator, something in her demeanor or his that would inform them of what had transpired.

With her fingers wound in his hair, she slipped out from under him and he filled the space she had vacated. Feeling her heat on him, he tried to slow his breathing lest he lose control. She'd have none of it and began to gyrate ever so slightly.

"God, Angela." He hissed, feeling her hand on him.

"Is that good?" She asked.

"You have no idea."

She chuckled. "Should I keep going?" She teased

He begged her to stop, just for a second, which she did, though she busied herself with his bottom lip and later his right nipple. Once again the tiny gyrations began. He loved when she took control and he could just lay back and enjoy the view. Watching her, skin flushed, eyes heavy-lidded. He never got tired of it. He pulled her down toward him and kissed her deeply while reversing their positions yet again.

The time for teasing soon drew to a close when he began to match her stroke for stroke. It was no time at all before she came undone. He continued to manipulate her as she did him. Their pace became frenetic. As she dug her nails into his back for the second time that afternoon, he called out her name and they were simultaneously done in.

His head came to rest on her shoulder. She ran her hand down the length of his back and up again causing him to shudder. She was enjoying the intimacy of their current position, him resting between her legs, his head on her chest. There was nothing better than when they were skin on skin, no barriers, no impediments. Once again, he placed a trail of kisses from the crook of her neck to her collarbone, one of his favorite spots. Clearly, it was a favorite of hers as well, judging by the response he was now getting. She was already squirming beneath him, trying to create friction. Unable to meet her need at that moment, he shifted slightly making clear that her quest was in vain.

"Babe, we gotta get up." He whispered into her ear and then nibbled it.

"Um-hm." She responded, eyes closed, enjoying his weight on top of her.

"So, get up." He teased.

"I seem to be weighted down." She chuckled.

"Is that so?"

"I'm not saying I mind or anything. I'm just saying that moving is not an option right now."

"Well, the guys are gonna be here in like, five minutes so…"

"Five minutes?" She shrieked and before he knew what was happening, he found himself face to face with a sofa cushion.

He laughed as he watched her race around, gathering bits of clothing and high tailing it into the bathroom.

"I was just messing with you. We have about a half hour before the guys get here."

"Jordan Catalano. That is NOT funny." She yelled through the bathroom door.

"I didn't know you could move like that. You should try out for the wrestling team."

"Not. Funny."

**xXx**

Sharon rounded the corner to the vending machine, where Shane was having a cigarette.

"Hey." She mumbled while fishing in her bag for change.

He nodded and watched her rummage through the bag. Just as she cursed under her breath, he handed her a crisp dollar bill.

"Thanks."

"You comin' to the show tonight?" He asked.

"Huh? Oh, no. My mom has me doing stuff at home."

He nodded, "Just thought you might need a ride."

Soda in hand and a twinkle in her eye, she turned to face him.

"I've got some time now…"

"Gotta be at the loft in an hour." He replied.

"Then I guess we should be quick. Meet me in the boiler room in five minutes." Before he could respond she was off, headed in the direction of their meeting spot.

She waited rather impatiently for him to join her.

"What took you so long? I thought you were in a rush?" She snapped when he got to the foot of the stairs.

Ignoring her, he walked past her and took a seat on the makeshift milk crate furniture long ago fashioned by a prior generation of hormonal adolescents. He reached out his hand and pulled her towards him. They wasted no time and soon she was using the milk crate to balance while he was lifting her skirt. She hissed when his hand came in contact with her hip.

"What?" He asked as he drew back his hand.

"It's nothing. I fell in gym." She shifted such that the affected hip was out of his immediate reach. "No big deal."

"You sure?" He asked."

"Yeah, I'm fine? Uh, can we like, stop talking?"

"Fine, I was just thinking that maybe, I don't know, you might wanna make sure the kid's still in there?"

"Well, considering that I've thrown up half a dozen times since I fell, I'm pretty sure it's still in there." She replied. "Anything else, mood killer?"

Shane shrugged his shoulders and picked up where he'd left off.

**xXx**

Brian and Amy sat in his living room, watching one of the four college recruitment videos that had been sent to her by colleges vying for her attention. As they compared the merits of Dartmouth and Columbia, the telephone rang.

"Brian! You have a call." Bernice called down to him from the upstairs landing.

"I'll be right there."

"A young lady named, Jade?" She added.

Brian felt his heart stop. He was sure he'd just had a heart attack.

"I'll, um, I'll be right back." He said to Amy as he walked towards the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bob?" Rayanne replied.

"Bob?"

"As in "Sideshow'" She deadpanned.

Brian rolled his eyes. She'd been making comments about his hair all week and it was starting to annoy him.

"What do you want?" He asked impatiently.

"Is that any way for a sponsor to greet his charge?"

"I'm busy Rayanne, what do you want?"

"Busy? On a Friday night? Serious? Wait, is there a new series on PBS that I wasn't aware of?"

Brian sighs

"I'm hanging up now."

"Krackow, wait! Just tell me not to do it, okay."

"What are you talking about?" Hearing voices and clanging metal in the background he asks, "Where are you?"

"The restaurant."

"And what is it that you don't want to do?"

"The special today is penne in vodka sauce." She said, flatly.

"Huh? Penne in…Oh, OH!" Brian recalled Rayanne mentioning that she had a particular fondness for vodka and while the bottles of wine that were used daily in the making of sauces were a constant source of temptation, this was a devil of a different kind. "Rayanne, you can't. That's Mr. Chase's business. You can't. Are you listening?"

"Yeah." She sounded far away.

"Graf, seriously, this is bad. You can't drink in his restaurant. He could get in big trouble."

"I know. I know."

"Go outside, take a walk or something." Brian wracks his brain, trying to find a solution to this problem, but quickly realizes that he has no Plan B. The _is_ no contingency plan for if/when Rayanne falls off the wagon. He berates himself internally for ever taking this on and especially for not doing more.

"Tried that."

"Then tell them you're not feeling well and get out of there." He suggests.

"Can't. Dinner starts in a few and we're overbooked. He needs me."

"But if you stay…"

Brian is met with silence.

"Rayanne?" By now, Brian has forgotten that Amy is in the living room and can likely hear him yelling into the phone as he continues to yell Rayanne's name.

"Okay, I'm good." She finally responds. "Talk to you later. Better get back to your documentary. Wouldn't want to miss any ground breaking information."

Hearing the click on the other end, he stands there dumbfounded looking at the phone in his hand, when Amy enters the kitchen.

"I thought you were on the phone with Jade. Who is Jade anyway? And why were you yelling 'Rayanne' into the phone?" She stood in the doorway with her arms folded across her chest and her head tilted to one side awaiting a response.

"Um, I uh, there was noise in the background. I couldn't, um I couldn't hear her. She was…looking for Angela and Rickie. I think she may have been drunk. Um, that's why she called herself Jade, I guess." He couldn't tell if she was buying it and he felt like dirt for saying that Rayanne may have been drunk, knowing full well how she'd been struggling to stay sober.

"Uh-huh, she was drunk. Well, that _does_ sound like Graf, but what I don't get is why is she calling _you_ to find Angela?"

_Of all the girls I have to get involved with, I pick the one with a140 IQ and super sleuth skills. Just great._

"and Rickie." He quickly added. "She was looking for Angela _and_ Rickie. I guess they stood her up or something."

"And why wouldn't she just call Angela's house?" Amy inquired.

"She said she did. They weren't there. " _Take that. I'm not exactly slow, myself._

"So, she just figured Angela would be here?" Amy had never given up on the idea that there had been or still was something between Brian and Angela. "This is the first place she thought to call?" She persisted.

"Amy, I cannot begin to tell you how Graf's whiskey-soaked brain works. I guess she figured that Rickie might stop by or something. We _are_ friends, it's a perfectly plausible hypothesis."

"I suppose." She stood between him and the kitchen door studying him.

"Can we just go back to the video now? We still have MIT and Stanford to look over." Changing the subject worked most times, he hoped it would now.

"Fine." She relented and walked back through the kitchen door.

**xXx**

"I should go." Angela hops down off of the his lap. "Rickie's going to wonder where I am."

Jordan slowly and reluctantly gets up and begins the walk to his car. He won't tell her, but he's crushed that she won't be there for their set at Vertigo tonight. He can't remember the last time he played for an audience that she wasn't part of. Then there was the fact that she wouldn't be there afterwards. He still hadn't returned home. It was lonely and cold enough after she left him each night, but her being there had made his ordeal less of one, somehow. Tonight, without her there to distract him, it was going to be a long night.

They pulled up in front of Mr. Katimsky's building, but neither of them was ready to say goodbye. After pulling out of a long, lingering kiss, he rested his forehead against hers.

"Go." He whispered in a somewhat strangled voice, one she'd only recently come to recognize as the one that was loaded with emotions he wasn't equipped to express; words he didn't allow himself to say.

"Ok." She knew he didn't want to leave her and she felt the same way, but they had other commitments, other responsibilities.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow?" He asked as he watched her exit the car and walk around to the curb.

"Yeah, but not here. Pick me up at home around noon. I don't want my parents thinking I was with you instead of Rickie." She answered leaning into his window.

"Smart girl."

She giggled and gave him a peck on the lips.

"And that's why you love me."

The words had left her mouth before her brain could properly process them and now they hung in the air between them. It had become some sort of unspoken rule that the L-word was not to be used frivolously. She knew it was something that really bothered him from watching his reactions to Paul and Kimmie, who said it the way most people said "and" or "the." Even though they'd only actually spoken the word once, they said it daily in a thousand other ways and that had been enough for the both of them. She felt like she had crossed a line.

"I'll see you tomorrow…" He replied and with that, he was on his way.

**xXx**

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Amy barked at a fidgety Brian. "It was your suggestion to watch these together. If you didn't want to hang out, no one was forcing you to."

"I did, I mean, I do…want to hang out. It's just that. I'm just…hungry. Are you hungry?" Brian gets up off the couch. "Would you like to…get something to eat?"

"What?"

"You know, like outside. What I'm trying to say is, would like to go to dinner with me?" Brian runs his hand through his hair.

Amy is caught completely by surprise.

"I was thinking we could go to Saffron. I mean, I know the owner and we could probably get a table."

"You want to take me to dinner?" Amy asked.

"Well, yeah."

"I guess I could just run home and change really quickly." She thought out loud.

Brain heads toward the stairs. "I'll be right back."

He returns in a pair of khakis and has thrown a jacket over the shirt he was wearing.

"We better get going. It can get pretty crowded."

Amy gathers her things and walks towards the front door, stopping short; she turns towards around and kisses him deeply.

Confused, Brian asks, "What was that for?"

"For being the sweetest boyfriend ever."

_It's official. I am lower than dirt._

**xXx**

"_**A ho! My dad's being taken over by a ho!" **_

Angela and Rickie are doubled over in laughter watching _Sleepless in Seattle_.

"That's my favorite line." Rickie could hardly form words.

"Mine too."

"I'm really glad we did this." Rickie said, "I know you had plans."

"No, it's fine, really. " Angela hesitates before continuing. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I know the whole Aaron thing is messed up, but are you ever going to come to the loft again?" She sneaks a glance at him.

Rickie sighs and picks at the nachos they'd made earlier.

"It's just hard, ya know? I mean, we're never going to be together. I get that, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to be with him."

Angela knows this feeling better than he could imagine. Just a little more six months earlier, she had thought the same thing after she and Jordan had broken up. Her feelings for him had not changed in the least even though their brief relationship had officially ended.

"I just miss having you there. I don't know if I can spend another afternoon listening to Kimmie and her frighteningly detailed accounts of her sex life with Paul." Angela rolls her eyes and Rickie laughs. "I'm telling you, the girl has no shame."

Rickie sighs.

"I'm sorry Angela, I just can't. Not yet. I really wanted to go to their show tonight, but I just kept thinking about after. He always takes me home and…"

"I know. I'm sorry, I actually do know how you feel. Seeing him and not being able to be with him. It's torture. I'm being selfish. Forget that I brought it up."

"It's okay. I just have to get over it, I guess. Give me some time. " Rickie hesitates for a moment. "So…does he ever…ask about me?" He casts a cautious gaze in her direction.

Angela shakes her head.

"But when I walk in, he always seems to be looking just past me, like he's expecting someone. Have you talked to him?"

"No. He called a few times right after that night, but I wouldn't take his calls and then…he stopped calling." Angela can hear the emotion just behind his words and thinks herself the worst friend in the world.

"I'm sorry I brought it up. We're supposed to be enjoying ourselves." She tried to lighten the mood. "When are your folks back?"

"They'll be gone for most of the week. They're weren't exactly sure. Jonathan wanted to take me with them, but Mr. Katimsky thought it would draw too much attention for both of us to be absent from school at the same time. Besides, it's not a vacation; it's their best friend's funeral, not exactly festive. I'm happy to house sit for them instead. I kind of like being here alone. I've never been on my own like that before. " He stood and extended his hand or her cup. "I'm going to get some more soda, want some?"

"Thanks." She handed him her cup. "I'll rewind the movie. We missed like, half of it." She chuckled.

**xXx**

"I'm sorry, we're at capacity for this evening. Could I make you a reservation for another night?" A somewhat overwrought Hallie reported.

"What about take-out? We could get something to go." Seeing Amy's face fall, he tries again. "We're willing to wait. Can't you find a small table for two?"

"Like I said…" Hallie began.

"Hey, Brian!" Graham, who had been chatting with customers at a nearby table, was drawn to the familiar voice. "I didn't expect to see you here. What can we do for you?"

"Oh, hi, Mr. Chase. We just thought we would stop by for dinner, but it looks like you're pretty busy, so we'll just go."

"Don't be ridiculous. Let me see that book." Graham nudges Hallie, who is more than a little miffed.

"Graham, we're booked."

"Just give me a minute." Graham studies the page.

Hallie huffs and rolls her eyes.

"Look, we have a 30 minute gap on Table 6." He points to the entry.

"That's not a gap, that an intentional break. We're running at full capacity and we're going to need a minute to recoup. Who's going to serve them? We are obligated to give the servers a break. And if they're not done in 30, where do you plan on putting the customers with actual reservations?"

"We can be done in 30. I mean, we won't be here very long." Brian interjects. Amy tightens her grip on his arm as if to offer her support.

"Then it's settled. Come on, Brian." Graham slaps Brian on the shoulder.

Graham seats them at the table closest to the kitchen.

"Sorry it's so close to the kitchen, but it's the only one available."

"It's fine. We're just happy to have a table at all. Thanks Mr. Chase." Brian replies.

"I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Graham." Turning to Amy with a warm smile.

"Hi, I'm Amy. This is a beautiful restaurant."

"Thank you. Keeps us busy."

Hallie appears behind him, menus in hand.

"Apparently not busy enough." She says bitingly.

"Hallie," Graham, murmurs. "Can we not do this now?"

"What do you mean? You've seated them. They're seated. I hope you plan on serving them too." She says in exasperation.

Graham smiles at the young couple.

"Can I see you in the office for a moment?" Graham asks through clenched teeth.

"No, actually you can't, since I'm covering the door and look, there are the customers who actually _reserved_ a table." She looks at him pointedly. "Would it be too much to ask you to check on the kitchen and make sure the line is running?"

Brian can see the color rising in Graham's face.

"You guys enjoy yourselves. Dessert's on the house." He says as he turns to leave.

Hallie's mouth drops open and she storms off toward the front door.

"Whoa! That was intense." Amy remarks.

"Yeah."

"Guess it's a Chase thing." Amy comments.

Brian pretends to peruse the menu while trying to figure out how he's going to get to the kitchen and check on Rayanne. He figures nothing has happened yet, since the only problem he can see seems to be the one between Graham and Hallie. Adding to his problem is the fact that Amy is facing the kitchen, so that even if he manages to sneak back there without the staff seeing him, she surely will.

"Do you know what you want?" Amy's voice brings him out of his head.

"Um, no, not really."

"I can't decide between the paella and the penne."

Brian looks at the menu and realizes that most of what's on it will either land him in the hospital or cause him digestive misery for the next few days.

_Shellfish, dairy, gluten…I guess the salad is safe._

"I think I'm going to have a salad."

"I thought you were hungry?"

"I am. I meant I'll have the chicken and a salad."

Amy has gone back to studying the menu, meanwhile Brian wonders if there is a way for him to slip out the front, around back, and in through the back door. If he excuses himself to the rest room, it might buy him enough time.

"Well, I'm going to have the penne alla vodka." Amy slides her chair back from the table. "I'm just going to go wash my hands, I'll be right back."

And just like that, the way was made clear. As soon as Amy was out of sight, he dashed back towards the kitchen and spotted Rayanne.

"Rayanne!" He whisper-shouts urgently.

Rayanne looks up and is genuinely shocked.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I came to check on you."

"Aww. I feel special." She bats her eyes at him.

Brian shifts his gaze from Rayanne to his table. "So, you're here with what's-her-face?"

"Amy."

"Right. Huh, you're a good man, Charlie Brown. " She punches him in the arm.

Brian rolls his eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't do something stupid."

"I can see that. What's this little field trip costing you anyway, $40-$50?"

Brian's face went blank. He hadn't even considered the cost.

"You can always stay behind and wash dishes. Jorge could use the extra help." She laughed. "I gotta get back. Lots of plates to finish. Thanks for checking on me though. Bon Appétit!"

Brian rushes back to the table and checks his wallet. _Fifty dollars._ He quickly tabulates the bill in his head. _Even with free dessert, I'm looking at $35, plus the tip. _

Seeing Amy returning from the rest room, he tries to pull himself together. His nerves are frayed and his stomach is upset._ How do I manage to do these things? I'm living a double life, like double-0-nerd or something. It's not nearly as exciting as it looks in the movies._

"This was really a great idea Brian. I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier, I just." She blushed. "I get so jealous sometimes."

_Huh?_

"I can't help it." Amy bats her eyes at him. He could feel her foot traveling up his leg, causing him to swallow hard.

"It's, it's o-okay. I mean, I understand." _Truly, I do NOT understand, but who am I to argue with her?_

**xXx**

"Dude, what was wrong with you tonight?" Paul asks, as he and Aaron unload the larger equipment onto the curb in front of the loft.

"What do you mean? We did fine. The crowd loved it." Jordan responds.

"That wasn't the set we practiced." Paul says accusingly.

Jordan winds a cord around his hand. "So? It was good, right."

"It was f*ckin' depressing." Paul barks.

"Whatever. We can't play the same stuff all the time." Jordan tosses the wound cord onto the pile of equipment sitting on the curb.

"Would you two quit?" Shane interjects. "I am personally grateful for your less than festive mood, my friend. It's like a passport to Pussyland. The ladies are totally feeling the sensitivity and a bunch of them should be pulling up any minute for our 'afterparty.'" He adds wiggling his eyebrows.

"Afterparty? What are you talkin' about?" Jordan asks, eyebrows knitted together.

"If you didn't have your head up Angela's ass all the time, you would know that we do this after every gig." Paul interjected.

"F*ck you. " Jordan replied "So, I guess that's why you and Kimmie break up every Friday." Jordan shakes his head before turning to Shane again. "Since when?"

"I dunno." Shane shrugged. "Awhile. I figured why let it go to waste. You weren't gonna indulge and the chicks get so worked up over the goo goo eyes you make at the audience, which is really just Angela, but _they_ don't know that. You know, I can't believe I didn't thank you before now." Shane pats Jordan on the back. "Thanks, Man."

"Whatever, just don't trash the place."

Shane lifts and eyebrow before responding.

"Don't get all pissy because you can't stay. You didn't even know we had these parties, so obviously, we haven't been trashing the place. "

"I thought we said we were gonna be careful about who we brought up here." Jordan reminded him.

"Would you stop worrying, Grandma. Tino always comes and if he's here, we can't be blamed for anything. Come on, Man, act like you know me. I got it covered."

Jordan just huffs at him while pulling an amp out of his trunk.

"Why don't you take off? The rest of the guys'll be here soon. We'll get the rest." Shane gestures at the growing pile of musical equipment.

"I'm good." Jordan mumbles.

"Dude, I'm telling you to go hang out with your girl. I got this."

"She's at Rickie's." Aaron listened intently, hoping to hear something more, but as usual there was nothing. He would finish getting the equipment inside and make some excuse to leave.

"_She's at Rickie's" _Paul mocked, causing Jordan to throw a wound up amp cord at him.

"Makes sense now, the pissy mood and all. Well, come up and get ripped then. You got nowhere to be, might as well be here."

Jordan hesitates but realizes, he actually doesn't have anywhere to be. He can't go home and since there had been a small oil fire at the garage that day, which left smoke and fumes in the air, he couldn't go there. His plan had been to crash at the loft anyway. A couple of beers would only help him get to sleep faster, so he figured, 'why not?'

**xXx**

"I just love Meg Ryan." Rickie says as he hits the rewind button on the VCR.

"I know. Which one do you like her better in _Sleepless_ or this one."

"_When Harry Met Sally_, hands down. She's like, this regular person, and it's like, a regular story. _Sleepless _is great, but how often does that happen?"

"But isn't that the point, Rickie. It's like, this amazing, romantic thing that you think can't happen, only it does and to you." She gushes.

Rickie laughs.

"Well, _Mrs. Catalano_, I can see why you would relate."

Angela blushes.

"For the rest of us though, it's just not going to be that fairytale, you know? I mean, I'm pretty sure it won't be that way for me."

"You don't know that. Look at me. Tell the truth, when Rayanne started trying to put Jordan and me together, did you ever really believe, that he'd notice me?"

Rickie hesitates.

"I know you don't see it, Angela, but you're beautiful. He was bound to notice you. Rayanne just like, sped up the process or something."

"You are so sweet. See, that right there is why some guy is going to sweep you off your feet." She hugs him. "Rickie, _you_ are beautiful. Inside and out. Seriously, forget the clothes and the hair. You are a beautiful man and some guy is going to be head over heels for you one of these days. You'll see."

"We'll see." A less than confident Rickie replied.


	29. Chapter 29

_Mrs. Catalano. Mrs. Jordan Catalano. Mr. & Mrs. J. Catalano. Mrs. Angela Catalano. Angela Catalano. Hmmm. I wonder if Jordan has a middle name…Ever since Rickie said it, I keep thinking…do people ever stay together past high school? My grandparents did, but that was like, a million ago. I know my parents met in college, but my mom was with that Tony Poole guy in high school. It sounded like she was really into him, but it didn't last. I mean, I'm glad because then I wouldn't be here. I guess, I would be here, but I wouldn't be me, exactly. Angela Poole…I don't like it. Sounds weird. I wonder why they broke up. He so doesn't seem like her type, but maybe my dad wasn't her type. Maybe Tony Poole is exactly the kind of guy she liked and whatever happened with them made her choose a guy like my dad. I'm really curious, but to find out, I'd have to like, have a personal conversation with her and I'm not about to do that. _

Angela rushed home and jumped in the shower. She was waiting for her clothes to come out of the dryer when Jordan arrived. He was early, as usual.

"Hey."

"Hey, want some coffee?" Angela asked as she turned away from the door. Jordan nods and follows her into the kitchen.

"How was the show? I wish I had been there."

Jordan takes in the sight of her, standing in front of the cabinet, reaching up to grab two mugs. She's wearing just shorts and a camisole. Her hair is wet and it's obvious that she just got out of the shower.

"It was…good." He said distractedly, a tiny smile on his face. Enjoying the view, he's startled when he hears a man clearing his throat.

_Busted._

"Oh, hey,"

Graham grunts in reply, setting an overnight bag down on the floor.

"Hi Dad, want some coffee?" Angela offers.

"Yeah, thanks."

As Angela reaches for a third mug, Graham places his hand on her shoulder.

"I'll get that."

He shot Jordan a look before grabbing the mug from the cabinet. By now, Angela had filled the two mugs with coffee and was about to get the milk from the fridge when Graham offered to get it for her, realizing the view Jordan would have when she reached in to get it. He shot Jordan another accusing look.

Feeling the tension, Angela tries to distract him.

"So, Mom says you guys are going out tonight?"

"Yeah, we're going to a show and then staying the night in a hotel. We'll be back tomorrow."

"What about the restaurant? I thought weekends were busy." She asked.

"I've been training our assistant chef to cover for me and we scaled back the menu a little. We've been advertising it as our 'summer menu.' The dishes are pretty simple, so I'm hoping that he can handle it."

Jordan felt out of place, as though he was eavesdropping. He was relieved when Patty entered the kitchen.

"Jordan. Hi, I didn't know you were here." Patty smiled warmly as she spoke.

Jordan smiled at her.

"What about Danielle?" Angela continued. "Please don't tell me that I'm stuck with her." She was exasperated at the thought alone.

"She went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the weekend." Patty said. "_You're_ spending the night at Camille's."

While Patty was talking to Angela, Graham was watching Jordan.

"I don't need a babysitter." Angela said indignantly.

"It's not negotiable." Patty replied.

Angela groaned and turned to leave the room.

"Whatever. I'm going outside. Do I need supervision for that too?" She walked through the kitchen door and into the living room without waiting for a response. Jordan followed behind her, mug in hand.

They sat together on the porch swing. He could see that she was angry and embarrassed. She had her legs drawn up under her and she was pouting.

"I swear. They act like I'm Danielle's age or something." She was mortified that he had witnessed the exchange between her and Patty.

"I think that was about me, not you." He said. As if understanding her need to be reassured that he thought no less of her because she was under their authority, he reached up and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. Emboldened by his support, she continued.

"Whatever. I can stay out with you if I want. They'd never even know. I could have spent the night with you last night and told them I was with Rickie. How would they know different?"

His interest was piqued. The fact that she came up with this on the fly gave him hope that at some point she would actually enact this plan and they would indeed be spending their nights together. He put his arm around her and pulled her into his side.

"Look, the garage is closed and we don't have practice, so we can hang out all day. Don't worry about tonight."

"But what are we gonna do later? Watch movies with Camille and Andy? There's no way they're going to let me go out without Sharon and I am not having you over to their house. That's just weird."

"Then we'll take her with us. It's not a big deal."

She smiled at him, placed her hand on his face and kissed him chastely.

He shook his head as if to clear it and pulled back from her.

"You're holding your folks up, they're not gonna leave 'til I'm gone."

"Like I care." She crossed her arms and pouted some more.

He laughed at her defiance.

"If they're gone, we can hang out here." He responded suggestively, drawing tiny circles on the inside of her thigh.

"We could, couldn't we?" She said, a wicked smile spreading across her face.

He nodded.

"I'll be back in 10 minutes." She said as she dashed off to the laundry room.

**xXx**

Rickie locked up the apartment and made his way to the bus stop. He started his weekly pilgrimage to the local mall. Every Saturday, before going to work at the restaurant, he would spend the morning browsing the shops. He had begun work on two gift baskets for Sharon's shower, which was many months away, but he'd need the time to get it all done. Each basket was enormous on its own and he intended to fill them both. One basket was dedicated to miscellaneous baby things; cute onesies, sweet little toys, perfect storybooks, and a myriad of care items. The other basket was a "mommy basket." It had occurred to him that for a girl in Sharon's situation, becoming a mom, but not really wanting to be one, a shower, with all the baby gifts, etc. might not be as much fun as it was for other moms, so he made it his mission to create a basket just for her with things that had nothing to do with the baby. So far, he had collected more than a dozen tiny sample bottles of perfumes and moisturizers from the various cosmetics counters at Macy's, added to that were a few kitschy t-shirts, socks with playful prints, and imported chocolates and cookies. He never had an agenda on these shopping trips; he just wandered in and out of stores browsing the aisles, picking up whatever struck his fancy.

Coming out of Macy's this morning, he was distracted; having scored a sample of a perfume he'd been wanting for his basket. Not paying attention to where he was going, he walked right into someone.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't loo…" When he was who it was he stopped short. "I was uh, distracted. Hey."

"Hey." Corey replied. "So, you're shopping."

Rickie looked around as if to say, '_what else would I be doing here?'_

"Yeah, I guess you are too?"

"Art supplies." He pointed to the bag in his hand.

"Oh."

The two stand in awkward silence for a moment.

"Well, I better get to it. I have to go to work later." Rickie said in an attempt to fill the dead air and get on with his day. He turned slightly to leave. Corey turned as well and fell into step with him.

"Where do you work?" Corey asked.

"Saffron, it's a new restaurant downtown. Have you heard of it?"

"Yeah, they had a big ad in the paper last week." Corey replied. "You…cook?"

Rickie laughed, "No, I'm a host. I seat people, take reservations, that kind of thing."

"Oh, yeah, you'd be good at that." Corey looked off into the distance as they walked, hands in his pockets.

In the window of a bookstore, Rickie spotted, _"The Very Hungry Caterpillar."_

"I need to stop in here." Rickie said to Corey, fully expecting to bid him farewell and carry on with his shopping. Much to his surprise, Corey followed him into the store.

"I had that book when I was little." Corey remarked. "You buying a present or something?"

As they walked up and down the aisles of the store, Rickie explained what he was doing, leaving out that the fact that Sharon was having a hard time coping. Corey handed Rickie baby books to look through as he listened.

"You should get this one." Corey had handed him a copy of _Are You My Mother? "_Don't tell anyone, but I think I still have it somewhere in my room." Rickie smiled.

"It's about a bird that hatches but doesn't find his mother around and goes off searching for her. He meets a bunch of other animals, but eventually, he finds her." Corey's summary struck a nerve, but Rickie put on a good face and thought it was a book that might help Sharon to feel better about her baby, so he put it in his basket with the others and kept walking.

"Thanks." Rickie said. "I actually think it's kinda perfect."

"It must be tough for her. It's really nice of you to do all of this."

"She's my friend."

"She's lucky to have a friend like you." Corey responded nonchalantly.

As they stood at the register, Corey's stomach grumbled loudly, causing Rickie to giggle.

"I guess I should get something to eat." A red-faced Corey remarked.

"Okay. I'll see…"

"What are you in the mood for?" Corey asked cutting Rickie off.

"Um, I dunno, whatever."

**xXx**

Patty and Graham sipped their wine while they waited for the lunch to arrive. It was a perfect day for being out and about. Patty took in the scenery surrounding the deck of the café where they'd decided to stop.

"I think this is the first meal I've had in 3 months that I didn't cook myself." Graham observed.

"Not true. I made you toaster waffles a few weeks ago." Patty teased.

Graham nodded and smiled. "Yes, yes, you did." He laughed. More serious now he began. "Patty, I owe you an apology."

Patty felt her heart rate increase immediately, terrified of what would come next.

"Why would you say that Graham?"

"I've been a real ass. This thing with Danielle, the time spent at work. I've just been so immersed in the restaurant; I couldn't focus on anything else." He hung his head as if there was a weight resting on it.

"Oh, Graham; I understand how it is." She reached across the table and touched his hand. "You're just starting out and it's a tremendous amount of work. I still can't believe you took off this weekend. You don't know what that means to me." There was a slight tremor in her voice.

"Things are going really well and I just thought, if I don't make the time…well, I just need to make the time. Do you know that Brian Krackow came in last night, with a girl?"

"Really." Patty's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"It just made me think. Five minutes ago, he and Angela were fighting over his Big Wheel and now he's going out to dinner with girls." Graham shook his head. "I'm missing stuff…again. And I don't want to." He hesitates a moment. "I'm going to try to be a little nicer to Jordan too. If he's going to be around, I should at least be civil, I suppose."

"He's the boy who's dating your daughter. I know that you feel protective of her and that's how you should feel. I just think that if you don't loosen up a bit, she's going do things out of spite instead of in her own time."

"So you don't think… she's…done anything yet?" He had to force out the last part of the sentence.

"I really don't." Patty shook her head. "You should sit back and watch them together sometime. It's really very sweet. He loves her Graham, he truly does. You can see it in the way he looks at her."

"I kinda got a glimpse of how he looks at her this morning. Didn't look like love to me." He snickered.

Patty laughs.

"What?"

"You sound like my dad." She says.

"I do not." Graham replies in indignation, offended by the comparison.

"You so do." She continued to chuckle. "Do you remember when we went away on spring break together?"

Graham drops his head and raises his hands in defeat.

"Point taken; he grilled me like a sausage. If I wasn't so in love with you, I'd have headed for the hills. I still don't think he's over it." Graham mused.

"Exactly, don't you think Jordan knows how much you dislike him? He puts up with it because he loves her."

"I guess. It's just hard for me to see her with anyone and he seems so…experienced." He says with eyebrows raised.

"Maybe she's good for him. Maybe she's slowing him down. That's not a bad thing, Graham."

"I'm more worried about him speeding her up."

It was Patty's turn to snicker, "In case you haven't noticed. Angela is no pushover. I really believe that she won't do anything before she's ready and I'm pretty sure this Sharon thing has put the brakes on all of that too. She was terrified at the idea of it."

"Oh God, I can't even think about it, Patty." He sighs. "I mean, they shared a playpen and now Sharon's having a baby?"

"I know. I have to say though, Camille and Andy barely know the boy and from what Camille says, he's awful. I can't see Jordan treating her that way, whatever you think of him, he's a decent kid."

"We're not going to talk about the kids all weekend. I wanted to spend time with you." He reaches his across the table taking her hand in his. "I miss you."

Patty's eyes glisten with unshed tears.

"You know, Graham, we don't have to go to a show tonight. I mean, we could go straight to the hotel, if you want." She demurely glances up at him.

"You read my mind."

**xXx**

Feeling stuffed after finishing brunch at a small café near the mall, Rickie decided to walk to the restaurant. Corey tagged along. On the way, they stumbled onto a street fair in progress. With an hour left to kill before his shift began, Rickie decided to browse through the various vendor stalls, hoping to find something interesting. He still had a few dollars left to spend on Sharon's basket.

"Oooh," He had spotted a vest that was just his style.

"That's nice, but something about the color is off." Corey commented.

"You think?"

"Yeah, it wouldn't work for your coloring."

"Oh, but the pattern is perfect." Rickie lamented.

"You know, I've been messing around with these fabric paints, just on like t-shirts and stuff. I bet I could copy that pattern."

"Are you saying that you could paint it to look like that?"

"Yeah, I think so. I've done stuff like that before. You've seen my sneakers, right?" Corey pointed at his feet.

Rickie nods. "I think I have a plain black one at home."

"So, give it to me and I'll paint it for you." Corey offers.

"Really?"

"It's not a big deal. Just don't get mad if it doesn't come out exactly the same." Corey sees a little girl go by with a huge mound of cotton candy. "I haven't had one of those in like two years. Wanna split one?"

"Sure."

When they reach the cotton candy booth, Rickie reaches into his pocket to pay the vendor.

"My treat." Corey handed the man a bill.

"You paid for lunch." Rickie protested.

"It was two dollars." Corey rolls his eyes. "Don't worry about it. You can get it next time, okay?"

_Next time?_

"Rickie?" Corey plucked off a piece of the pink, downy confection and handed the remainder to Rickie.

It was the first time Corey had said his name all day and it did weird things to his stomach. Their hands touched as Rickie took the candy from Corey and he felt his stomach flip-flop.

_Don't do this to yourself again. He's just hanging out. That's all._

**xXx**

Brian spent the day on the couch. He'd been up all night. He had been in such a state the night before, that he didn't realize that the salad dressing had a dairy base. The night wasn't a total loss. Amy and her foot made dinner very interesting and then there was the ride home. A smile began to form on his face until he felt the familiar churning in his stomach.

_Oh God, not again. I didn't even eat that much. _

Despite the revolt now taking place in his intestines, Brian was in a great mood. All of his worries about getting caught by Amy were laid to rest when she came back to the table. It hadn't occurred to him that their dinner date had scored him major points until he felt her foot inching up his leg and into his lap. While the double life he'd been leading definitely had its shortcomings, it had proven beneficial elsewhere.

As he made his way back to the couch, after what seemed like his hundredth visit to the bathroom, he considered his relationship with Amy. They had fun together and she had a bit of a wild side, which he found interesting and exciting. On the way home, Amy had pulled into a parking lot and before he knew what was happening, he found himself in the backseat. Her ministrations had him scrambling for a distraction to keep him from exploding within the first five minutes of their interaction. Eventually, he settled on a mental recitation of the periodic table of elements, atomic weights and all.

There was at least one other benefit of the relationship that he'd recently discovered, Amy was a great distraction. The nightmares he'd usually have after a late dinner were radically altered by the previous evening's events and produced an entirely different kind of dream; dreams that, for once, didn't cast Angela in the starring role. He couldn't honestly say that he was over her, but when he saw Jordan and Angela sitting in the Chase's porch swing while sitting at his own window earlier that day. His usual anguish was greatly diminished.

_It's definitely progress. I can't say I'm happy to see her with Catalano, but maybe being with Amy is really helping me to move on. _

**xXx**

Jordan stood by a half-weeded flowerbed with Shane, waiting for the girls to come downstairs. As luck would have it, Sharon had practice for Nationals and they realized it would be the perfect cover for he and Angela to slip away for a few hours.

"So, this is working out for you?" Jordan asked looking at Sharon's now beautiful yard. He'd seen it in its previous state.

Shane shrugged, "It's got its perks."

Inside, Angela called out to Sharon as she climbed the stairs to the second floor.

"Sharon? Sharon, are you ready?"

"Up here." Came the muffled response.

"Sharon, what are you doing? That ladder is rickety; you're going to kill yourself." An alarmed Angela placed her hand on the attic ladder in an attempt to stabilize it. "What are you doing up there anyway?"

"I was looking for something, but I don't see it." Sharon placed a foot on the less than sure-looking rung beneath her. "I'm coming down."

"No. Stay right there. The next rung looks like it's splitting. Don't move. They guys are right outside; I'll get them.

Angela, seeing the open bedroom door just steps from where Sharon now stood in a precarious position, yelled out of the bedroom window to the boys below. She didn't want to risk leaving Sharon alone and at the same time, she doubted that she could do anything to help her if the ladder gave way.

"I told her not to move. That ladder is old and weak; I don't think it can support her weight coming back down." She told them as they ascended the stairs.

Shane and Jordan examined the ladder and the two rungs beneath where Sharon now stood. Shane shook his head. "How'd you get up there without it breaking?"

"I dunno; I just did." As she tried again to place her foot on the rung beneath her, Shane saw it give slightly. "I'm fine. I don't need any help."

"Stop!" Angela cautioned her. "Don't move; that thing is about to give."

"I'm gonna reach up, lower your foot past that step, I'll be right under you." Shane instructed.

Sharon did as he said and slid into his arms. She looked at him sheepishly and complained that they were making too much of it and that she could have come down on her own.

He showed her the damaged rungs and she thanked him for helping her.

"If you're still going, we gotta leave now." Jordan said as both boys turned to leave.

Angela nodded.

"Let me just grab my bag." Said a seemingly unaffected Sharon.

"It's a good thing I got here when I did." Angela said over her shoulder. "If you had stepped on that rung…it's just a good thing I got here when I did."

"Yeah, I guess it is. I didn't realize the ladder was so bad."

Angela rolled her eyes in response.

"Your mom's been complaining for like, forever, that she can't get to the stuff in the attic because of that ladder." Angela snickered. "That baby is turning your brain to mush."

**xXx**

Jordan unlocked the door to the loft and held the door so that Angela could enter.

"Ugggh! It smells like stale beer in here." Angela covers her nose as she ventures further in.

"I told those idiots to clean up." Jordan griped in annoyance.

"Did they have a party or something?"

"Yeah, after the show; I was gonna tell you about it." Jordan picks up few empties lying around and finds the source of the smell, a beer bottle lying on its side with a puddle directly beneath it. "Morons!"

"So, you were here last night?"

"Yeah, but it looks like things got crazy."

"I thought you said you were here." She asked

"I left."

Angela waited for him to explain further. Jordan opened the windows in an attempt to rid the room of the smell of stale beer.

"Why'd you leave?" Angela asks tentatively.

"Huh?" He responded, looking for something with which to clean up the spill, while cursing Shane under his breath.

"Why did you leave?" She repeated.

"Oh yeah, I was gonna tell you about that too." He stood up straight and faced her. "First of all, nothing happened."

Angela felt her stomach drop.

_Nothing happened?_

"So, I was here with the guys and these girls showed up. Girls from the show or whatever…"

_Girls…_

"There was this one girl and she just kept comin' at me. After awhile, I decided the smart thing to do was leave. So, I left."

"She 'kept comin' at' you?" Angela repeated in an attempt to get clarification.

"Yeah, you know? Tryin' to get me to notice her or whatever. I knew it would get back to you, so I left." He said over his shoulder as he walked to the bathroom to get toilet paper for the spill.

"Wait. You left because you knew it would get back to me?" She called to him from where she was standing, by the window.

"Yeah, people talk, y'know? Gossip and stuff."

Angela is unusually quiet, which Jordan doesn't immediately notice as he gathers the remaining garbage and places the bag by the stairs. When he turns around to look at her, he takes notice of her knitted eyebrows.

"Let me get this straight. You didn't leave because you have a girlfriend and cheating on her would be wrong, you left because I would find out?"

"What? No. That's not what I said." His eyebrows now matched hers.

"That's _exactly_ what you said."

"I told her I have a girlfriend." He sat on the arm of the couch, looking at her.

"Yeah, but your whole reason for leaving was about me finding out." She reasoned.

"That's not what I meant." He shook his head as he spoke.

"That's what you said." She folded her arms across her chest.

"What are you getting mad about? I left. I walked away." He responded defensively.

"And I'm supposed to be happy because you walked away?" She looked at him incredulously.

"Well, yeah."

"Because you could've stayed?" She added.

"Right," Jordan realizes that he may not have answered the question correctly and tries to amend his response. "I mean if I like, wanted to, but I didn't."

"Hold on, so now you're telling me that if you wanted to stay and be with that girl you would have?" No longer leaning against the window sill, she now stood erect, arms crossed, head cocked to one side.

Jordan runs his hands through his hair.

"Stop talking for a minute." He takes a deep breath. "I'm saying that I left because of you. Because I didn't want to do something stupid again."

"Oh my God!" She throws her hands up. "So, if you stayed you'd have done something stupid?" She turns away from him and then back again.

"No!" He sighs. "I did the right thing, Angela. I don't get why you're mad." He replies sternly.

"It's not just about NOT doing it; it's about WHY you wouldn't do it." She tries to explain.

"I have no idea what you're saying right now. I didn't DO anything, okay?"

"Right, you left so that you wouldn't do anything because if you had stayed you would have!" She yells across the room.

Jordan closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"Look, I don't know what you want from me. I told her I had a girlfriend and I left. There's nothing to be mad about."

"Of course there is. Listen to how you said it. You left because you didn't want to do something stupid and because you didn't want me to find out? That's the same as saying you could have done it if you wanted to."

"Exactly. I _could_ have, but I _didn't_ because I didn't _want_ to." Jordan was utterly confused. It sounded like she understood, but then she would turn it all around and he had no idea why what he had said was a bad thing. All he knew was that he had done nothing wrong.

"And you don't see how upsetting that is?"

"No."

Angela groans in frustration, wondering how it is that he can't see how hurtful and plain wrong he is.

"Jordan, you're telling me that the day that you feel like going out there and being with someone else you'll do just that."

"What are you talking about? I never said that and I wouldn't do that. I'd just break up with you."

"What?" Angela could only manage to get the one word out of her mouth. The rest of her energy was focused on maintaining respiration.

"I don't get it." Jordan says, gesturing as he speaks. She knows from experience that once he starts talking with his hands, he's nearing the end of his rope and will shut down, but it doesn't matter because she's determined to make him see his error. "What's the right answer? Just tell me, because I don't get it. If I wanted to be with someone else that means that I don't want to be with you, so the best thing to do is break up, right?" His question was genuine and he looked at her expectantly, waiting for the answer.

Angela stood stick straight, staring at him with her mouth open.

"I can't even…I" She walked over to the hammock and sat down, rocking back and forth for a minute. "Who was it?" She asked tentatively.

"Who was what?" Jordan responded sharply, having had enough of her questions and confusing answers for one day.

"The girl. Was it Cynthia Hargrove?"

"What? No! Cyn would never do that. She knows we're together."

"Cyn?" Angela spat out the nickname like it was a curse.

"She's not like that. What does it matter who it was anyway? I wasn't with her."

"It matters."

Jordan sits on the couch, head in his hands, trying to figure out how the evening went south so quickly. He stares at his boots and steadies his breathing, before responding.

"You know what, Angela? I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not apologizing for something you made up in your head and I'm not gonna fight about it anymore either, because I don't even know what we're fighting about. If you wanna argue, you can argue with yourself. I'm not talking about this anymore."

He lay back on the couch and closed his eyes, not knowing what else to do. The minutes ticked by and he became increasing resentful of the clock on the far wall.

"You wanna leave?" He asked after five minutes of painful silence.

She didn't answer right away.

"No." The answer came as he was about to ask her again.

"We good?" He hoped that she would just let it go, though he'd never known her to do that before.

"I don't know. I guess so." She mumbled.

He sat up and looked across the room at her. He could see that she was really bothered. Her arms were folded across her chest and her brows were knit together. Not knowing what more to say or do, he retreated to music to fill the void. It felt to him like she was a million miles away though all he had to do was reach out and touch her. He decided to work on a song that he'd been having a hard time with. Soon, he was lost in what he was doing and while he couldn't honestly say that he had completely blocked her out, he was no longer actively paying attention to her.

"What are you playing?" She moved towards him.

"Just this song I been working on for awhile."

"It's pretty. Did you write it?" She sat down next to him.

Jordan nods.

"I like it. Does it have words?"

"Some. I'm not finished with it yet."

Another blaring silence descends upon them, neither knowing how to get past the awkwardness.

"Ange, if you wanna go, I'll take you back to the gym and we can wait for Sharon there." He offered in frustration.

"Do you want me to go?" She asked.

"No, but it seems like you don't wanna be here."

Angela sighs, her emotions all over the place. "I just don't understand how you can like, think that way?"

"Angela, I told you I'm not gonna argue about it. Drop it." He never raised his voice, but his tone was firm.

"I can't just drop it. What you said…"

"What I said was that I left because she wouldn't leave me alone and I didn't want people to gossip about something that wasn't true and have it get back to you that I did something I didn't do, but none of that matters because you're mad at me anyway."

"I'm not mad, exactly." She frowned as she spoke; not really knowing how to explain what she was feeling.

"Then what?" The words came out much harsher than he intended.

Angela took a minute to think before blurting out everything that was in her head at that moment. She'd made that mistake before and she just couldn't deal with his deer-caught-in-headlights thing tonight. After reasoning it all out she started.

"Suppose I said to you that I would never sleep with Shane because you would find out?"

"What the hell?" He stood up and moved away from the couch. "Why are we talking about you sleeping with Shane? You won't even sleep with me and you're talking about sleeping with him?" Jordan felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. Just the idea of her being with anyone else that way, but especially Shane, was unbearable.

"That's not what I'm saying." She protested

"You just said it!"

"What I meant was, what if my reason for not sleeping with Shane was because you would find out." She tried to explain.

"Can you stop saying that?" He went from chewing on his thumb to folding his arms across his chest.

"I'm trying to make a point."

"Stop saying it!" He said as he turned away from her and placed his hands on the window sill, staring out at the street below. He couldn't deal with the images that flashed in his mind, now that she'd put it out there.

"Fine, pick any guy in school, I don't care, the point is I wouldn't sleep with anyone because I'm with you and I wouldn't do that to you. It's not about you finding out or not finding out. I just wouldn't do that to you."

"That's what I said, but you turned into this whole other confusing thing that makes no sense!" He spun around to face her. He was yelling now and he didn't care.

"Forget it."

"I tried to, but you won't let it go!"

"I'm letting it go." Realizing that this wasn't going at all like she had planned, she thought the wisest thing to do was to stop talking.

"No, no." He crossed his arms over his chest again as if to shield himself. "Why'd you pick Shane?"

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"To make your point or whatever."

"I don't know; it was just the first name that came to mind." She responded.

"Shane was the first person to come to mind?"

"I see him practically every day." She said defensively.

"You see Paul and Aaron almost every day too." He countered.

"Aaron is gay and Paul is…ewww. Paul is Paul. I just don't think about him, like at all."

"But you think about Shane?"

His words hit her like a fist. She had managed to open a whole different can of worms.

"Don't start that again, Jordan." She points her finger at him in warning, shaking her head as if to deny that there was anything illicit behind her example.

"I didn't start it. You're the one thinking about sleeping with my friend."

"Oh my God! That is so not the point!" She throws her hands up in the air both in offense and in frustration.

"It is to me."

"Can we just go and wait for Sharon at the gym?" She asks.

"Fine." Jordan grabs his keys and the garbage bag as he exits the loft.

A furious and frustrated Angela follows behind him.

**xXx**

Sharon sat in her bed, propped up on pillows, tackling the last of her homework and noting the difference between Saturday and Sunday, the latter being much quieter former. The silence wasn't necessarily comforting; it was like the calm before the storm. Mondays were chaotic and loud, filled with bus horns blowing, bustling hallways, whispers, and snickers. The quiet she was currently experiencing would only serve to make the difference more striking when she would awaken the next morning. Her attempts to focus on the task at hand were a dismal failure and she found herself relieved to hear footfalls on the stairs, outside of her room.

"Angela still here?" Shane stood at the doorway to her bedroom.

"No, she left this morning. I think she had a fight with Jordan or something. They were all grouchy and pouty last night." Sharon rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I ran into Mr. Congeniality before I got here." Shane shook his head. "So, I just saw your parents leave..." He said with an eyebrow cocked and his ever-present smirk.

"They should be gone until like, four. There's some kind of luncheon or something after service." Sharon took off her top. "I guess we'll have to work around that." She said, pointing to her bandaged ankle. She glanced up at him, noticing that he hadn't made a move toward the bed. "What are you waiting for, an invitation?"

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I thought that was obvious." She snorted in reply.

"I mean the past few days." He folds his arms in front of him, leaning on the doorframe. "First, there was that whole thing in gym, then Angela catches you on a broke-ass ladder, and how'd you get that?" He pointed at her ankle. "Let me guess, you fell off of the pyramid in practice or something, right?" He sighed heavily. "I saw you looking down the staircase, the other day when you thought no one was watching. I know what you're trying to do, Sharon."

"Oh really, well then tell me, because I have no idea what you're talking about." She barked.

"You don't want it, but you can't get rid of it. It's a messed up situation. It's just that, if you keep doing stupid sh*t, you're really gonna f*ck yourself up." He replied.

"You have a lot of nerve, Shane Donnelly. What do you care what I do with this baby or what happens to me? You're just the guy who's f*cking me, right? Let's be real clear here, you don't get a vote, you don't tell me what to do. Cut the lawn and slip upstairs every now and then and mind your f*cking business!" She was crying by the time she finished the last sentence.

He stood in the doorway, jaw set, eyes narrowed, looking at her and turned away without speaking.

"Where are you going?" She demanded.

"Like you said, I'm just the guy who cuts the lawn and f*cks you and since I don't plan on f*cking you, I figured I better go take care of that lawn."

**xXx**

**A/N: Bet you're surprised to see the next chapter up so quickly. I deliver when I can. Hopefully, that makes longer waits more forgivable. :-) For all of you who were worried, I hope you feel somewhat better now. I never intended for him to cheat on her in this chapter, wasn't even thinking about it. Glad I can, even unwittingly, misdirect you on occasion. I think it makes things more enjoyable, though I wish I could master the art of doing that intentionally. lol**

**Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, alerted, and PM'd. Your feedback is really important to me. It's encouraging to hear about what you like and even what you didn't like. Everyone sees something different in the story and that's very interesting to me, so tell me what you think, what jumps out at you, what pisses you off. If you don't want to post a review, feel free to PM me. Great big thanks to GoodnightGirl for suffering through the reading of this a bazillion times. I'll try to be less obsessive next go round, but I think you know it's unlikely that I'll be successful in that endeavor. Until next time…**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Despite a restless night's sleep Jordan was up before dawn, awakened by the sound of someone trying to open the door to the loft, downstairs. At first, he panicked, thinking that Tino's uncle had come by to check on the place. He wasn't supposed to be spending the night there and he knew it could cost them the space if he was caught. He'd even been taking the precaution of parking around the corner or a block or two away, so that his car wouldn't be recognized. When he realized that it was only five in the morning, a different kind of panic set in. He grabbed a mic stand and crept down the stairs intent on beating the living hell out of whomever it was that was trying to break in. When he got down the stairs, he quickly swung the door open, but found no one on the other side. Doubting himself, he turned to go back inside, when he saw a wire sticking out of the keyhole.

"Motherf*cker!" He swore under his breath, removed the wire, and headed back upstairs and took a seat on the couch. Twirling the wire in his hands, he was reminded of the lock that had been destroyed some weeks earlier. _What the f*ck? Can I catch a break? Just for like, a minute? _He allowed himself a few moments of self-pity before pulling it together.

The rest of the morning was spent doing homework and working on songs. Though he managed to get everything done, he was distracted the whole time. His mind kept going back to images of her being with Shane, wanting Shane, moaning Shane's name the way she moaned his and it ate him up. Shane was funny and smart and girls seemed to like that well enough. Jordan knew he had the looks, but he was never quick with the comebacks and could never crack wise the way that Shane could. It was something he had always envied. The ease with which Shane could talk to people, never seeming to feel inadequate or stuck for words was, in his opinion, a thing to be coveted. More than once, he watched Angela fall to pieces with laughter over something witty that Shane had said, something Jordan didn't even get. He'd laugh along, but never quite got the joke.

Sometime before noon, Shane stopped by and was met by an agitated and armed Jordan on the other side of the door.

"What the f*uck?" Shane yelled as he jumped back at the appearance of the mic stand that was doubling as a blunt instrument.

Jordan grumbled as he ascended the stairs. "You wanna know what the f*ck? Yeah, well so do I." Didn't I tell you f*ckers to clean up this place when the stupid after party was over? We came in here yesterday and there's sh*t everywhere and spilled beer on the floor. The place smells like a f*ckin' titty bar…"

"Calm the f*ck down. It's no big deal. So, we left a couple of empties around so what?"

Jordan rubs his face and huffs in frustration. "You know what Shane? You don't have all the f*ckin' answers. You and Paul bring I don't even know who up in here every weekend and now we got a**holes trying to break in." Jordan throws the wire from earlier that morning at Shane.

"What are you talking about?" Shane asks as he retrieves the thrown object from the floor.

"Someone was trying to get in here this morning…with that. If I hadn't been here, they probably woulda got in."

"So you and your trusty mic stand scared 'em off?" Shane said with his trademark smirk.

Jordan looked at him sideways before responding. "You always have a smart ass answer for everything, right? Always got a comeback for sh*t. What's the comeback for when Tino's uncle tells us to pack our sh*t and get the f*ck out? Huh, funny guy? You got a smart ass comeback for that?"

Shane is lost. He knows they left a mess at the loft, and he knew he'd hear about it which is why he came by in the first place, to clean up before they had practice that night and maybe air it out sufficiently so as not to have to hear Jordan's mouth. This anger seemed misplaced and if he had to guess, he'd have guessed that it had something to do with Angela…again. Despite his growing affection for Angela and his gratitude for the way she loved and cared for his best friend, sometimes, he missed the old Jordan who just went along to get along.

"Look, Bro, we left a mess, fine. That's on me, but no one we invited here would do something like this. I got just as much to lose here as you do, why would I intentionally f*ck it up?"

Jordan pulled on his boots, grabbed his books and stood to his feet. "I don't know. You're a smart guy; figure it out."

"Yeah, actually I _am_ a smart guy." Shane responded. "I'm so smart, in fact, that I know that you're little hissy fit has nothing to do with mess we made. What's Angela pissed about now?"

"F*ck you! Don't f*ckin' stand there and tell _me_ about _my_ girlfriend. Don't act like you know her, cuz you don't. You don't know sh*t!"

"Are you sh*tting me? What did I do this time, look at her a little too long? Talk to her a little too much? You're a f*ckin' idiot." Shane takes a seat on the arm of the couch. "You get all crazy like, you think I'm trying to f*ck her or something, which is completely stupid. Bro, if she's all in love with you and she won't f*ck you, why would she f*ck me?"

"I f*ckin' swear, Shane, one more word about her…" Jordan's fists were clenched.

"And what? You gonna hit me?" Shane smirked and shook his head. "You better make it count because I know that you lean right and your left ain't worth sh*t. What the f*ck are you mad about anyway? That girl is so in love with you, it's sickening." Shane gets in his face. "Let me make this real clear for you, okay? I do not now nor have I ever wanted to f*ck your girlfriend. You need to get your head outta your ass, man."

Jordan is seething and Shane's smug attitude is only making matters worse. He grabs his keys and walks out without saying a word.

As he pulled into the diner parking lot, Jordan willed himself to stop thinking about all of it, the loft, Angela, Shane. Grabbing a newspaper at the counter, he made his way to a booth at the back of the restaurant. Reading the Sunday paper while eating breakfast at the diner had been become a Sunday ritual of sorts, since Brian had suggested that it was a good and practical way for him to practice his reading.

"Put the order in as soon as I saw the car." A pretty, young black woman stood before him smiling, pouring a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, Cass." He gave her a small smile in return.

"Rough night?" She asked.

"Same sh*t, different day." He shrugged.

"I hear ya. Hang it there, Sweetie. Your order'll be up in a few."

**xXx**

Angela places the phone back on its cradle after saying goodbye to her mother and returns on the couch, grateful for the silence of the house, though she knows it's about to come to an end. She estimates that her parents will arrive home within the next 20 minutes, after picking Danielle up at her grandparents' house. Since arriving at home, she hadn't done much except sulk. A pile of homework lay at her feet, incomplete homework. Most of it wouldn't get done and she'd end up in detention for sure, but she just couldn't pull herself out of the funk she was in.

She was baffled at how the evening had ended the night before. After Jordan helped Sharon into the house, he and Angela sat on the porch for about fifteen minutes. She apologized for using Shane as her example, but that only led to her talking about why she'd needed an example in the first place, and he shut her down, not wanting to rehash the whole thing. It sounded like they were fighting and it felt like they were fighting, but he still kissed her deeply before he left and she still let him. They had lingered on the Cherskis' porch, sort of wrapped around each other for a little while before the porch light came on and Andy Cherski made it clear that visiting hours were over. It still pained him to leave her and it still pained her to see him go, but underneath it all was unresolved frustration, hurt, and anger. She just didn't know what to do with it. She wondered if he was feeling the same way. As she let out an excessively long sigh, she heard giggling and rustling in the kitchen. Mustering up as much cheer as she could, she wandered into the kitchen to greet her parents and Danielle. The last thing she wanted was to give Patty a reason to "talk."

Angela sits at the kitchen table, watching her parents interact like teenagers in love, touching each other and giggling for no apparent reason. It was sweet and gross at the same time. She felt some relief at it, but it was clearly against the laws of nature for people over the age of forty to conduct themselves in such a manner, so her relief was tainted to some degree. She examined a jar of local honey and an assortment of herbs that Graham had purchased at a roadside stand on the ride back home. Angela sniffed each of the herbal bundles and was somewhat proud that she could identify each one, earning her a high-five from Graham. Danielle rolled her eyes and pouted, watching the interaction.

"It looks like you guys had a good time." Angela said, hoping that hearing about their weekend would take her mind off of her own.

"We really did." Patty answered.

"What show did you see?" She asked.

Patty blushed nearly scarlet when Graham responded that they hadn't actually made it to the show.

Angela was horrified at the implication that they had spent the weekend in bed and tried to think of something to say that would bridge the now awkward silence.

Right on cue, Patty cleared her throat and asked, "Did you have a good time at Sharon's? Camille said something about her having an accident?"

"Yeah, I went to cheerleading practice with her. She fell and sprained her ankle pretty badly. She could hardly walk on it. She's on crutches."

"I hope the baby's okay. A fall can cause all sorts of problems when you're pregnant." Patty commented.

Angela shrugged her shoulders, "She seemed fine to me."

"I'm going to start dinner. Is Jordan coming by?" Patty asked, somewhat eager to test Graham's resolve regarding his promise to be nicer to Jordan.

Angela felt a pit in her stomach at the mention of his name. "Um, no, I don't think he's coming by today. I know he had stuff to do."

"He's really gonna miss out." Graham responded. "I've been running through a list of dishes we can use these herbs in tonight. Why don't you give him a call?" He glanced at Patty, who was grinning ear to ear.

Angela was taken aback by her father's remark and thought maybe they should go away more often. She had wanted to speak with Jordan or see him, but she didn't know what to say and she was fairly certain that he wouldn't be dropping by. He made no mention of picking her up for practice tonight, which meant he would go alone. If she was being honest, she knew that being in the same room with Shane and Jordan right now would be about as comfortable as wearing a woolen sweater in August. A dinner invitation seemed harmless enough though, especially since they hadn't left on terrible terms the day before. She thought that maybe this would be the way to smooth things over and dialed his number. Her heart pounded in her chest as the phone began to ring and she reconsidered her actions. Just as she was about to hang up, a man answered.

"Hello."

She assumed she was speaking with Anthony Catalano and there was a part of her that simmered with anger at him for the pain she had caused Jordan over the years and the very visible evidence of their bad relationship that she herself attended to not so long ago.

"Hi, may I please speak with Jordan?" She asked somewhat tersely.

"He doesn't live here anymore, Sweetheart." He replied matter-of-factly.

"I'm sorry?" She was sure she'd misunderstood, as she was momentarily distracted by the voice that was like warm honey.

"I said, he doesn't live here. Who's this?" She was surprised that such a beautiful voice could belong to such an awful person.

"I'm um, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Thank you." Angela's heart threatened to beat right out of her chest. All of their bickering on Saturday was suddenly inconsequential. She wondered where he was, if he was safe, and how long things had been this way? She took a minute to pull herself together before heading downstairs.

"So, am I setting another plate or what?" Graham asked when Angela came back down.

"No, he wasn't home." She could hear herself speaking, but her voice sounded to her like it was very far away.

Graham and Patty were smiling at each other, brushing past one another, making eyes with each other while Angela began the retreat into her mind. She was vaguely aware of what was going on around her, but the air seemed thin and her heart was beating out a strangled little beat, like it does when you know something really bad is about to happen. Still, she tried not to let on that anything was wrong.

Danielle watched her family and became increasingly annoyed. On the ride home, no one had asked about her weekend, not that she'd had much of one. No one encouraged her to invite a friend over for dinner and when she tried to comment on a documentary she'd seen on TV that talked about the various non-culinary uses of honey, she felt like she was being dismissed. Her anger had been boiling just under the surface as she listened to their chatter and it now threatened to overtake her.

"Well, in case anyone cares, _I _did NOT have a good weekend in the land of Metamucil and Dent-u-grip and I am NEVER staying there for the weekend again!" Danielle grabbed her bag off the kitchen floor and stormed out of the room and up the stairs, leaving behind a room full of slack-jawed, wide-eyed Chases.

**xXx**

Monday morning dawned and found Angela awake, staring at the ceiling. She had hardly slept. She somehow felt guilty for having a bed and a house and parents who cared. It was irrational, she knew that, but it did nothing to alleviate her guilt. She replayed the last few weeks, wondering when exactly he had left his father's house or more accurately, when he'd been thrown out. He hadn't said anything about a fight and there was no evidence of bruising on his body, that she could recall. It sickened her to think in those terms, but having seen firsthand the results of a run in with Anthony, she knew all of that was a possibility. There was no way he'd leave voluntarily. They'd discussed it several times and he could find no feasible way to move out on his own while continuing school. He was still attending school consistently, which, she reasoned, meant that he wasn't paying rent anywhere because he'd have had to go to work full time in order to make that happen. She wondered if he was at Shane's house and she prayed he wasn't with Tino or Paul. _Where else would he go?_ She was reminded of the song he'd sung for her at the loft so long ago, the one she had mistakenly thought was about her. _She's my shelter in the storm/she's a place to lay my head…_as the lyrics played in her mind, her eyes filled with tears. _He's been sleeping in the car. Oh my God. How did I not know?_ She thought about the night he dropped her off at Rickie's; how sad he seemed and before that there had been several nights when she barely made it home before her father because she saw such a need in him that she couldn't bring herself to leave until it was absolutely necessary. _ Is that why he's been that way with me? _ Part of her felt badly because she'd just assumed that the need was born out of his realization that he was in love with her and her confirmation that she felt the same way. From the time that they'd declared their love to one another until now, they'd been nearly inseparable and he always seemed to have that look in his eyes. She questioned if his feelings for her ran as deeply as she'd allowed herself to believe they did. _ Stop it! _She mentally berated herself. _ This is not about me. _

She had no idea what she was going to say to him when she saw him in a few hours. Part of her was furious that he hadn't told her, but she also understood that he was proud and didn't want anyone's pity. She remembered how he had disappeared after Joey commented about his mother and how embarrassed he had been when he was forced to tell her about his father. Still, she felt like he didn't trust her and that hurt. She wondered who else knew about his situation. She thought, surely Shane knew, though he'd never let on in her presence, neither did the other guys. Maybe he'd kept it hidden from everyone. Her heart broke all over again at the thought of him sleeping in the car and being so alone. _First his mother. Now, his father. _She had never really felt hatred for anyone before in her life, but now the dubious honor of being the first belonged to one Anthony Catalano.

Sunlight began to flood her room. She saw no reason to stay in bed at this point and made her way to the shower. Outside of the bathroom, she could hear giggling from her parents' room. She groaned at the realization of what was likely going on inside and emerged sometime later to find one very happy Patty on her way to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sweetheart." Patty fairly sang her salutation.

"Morning." Angela replied, warily eyeing her mother.

"Your dad will be down in a little while to make breakfast."

"Thank God, I don't care what he makes as long as it doesn't involve cereal or a muffin."

Angela started on her English homework, hoping that the completion of homework for one class would reduce her overall sentence. She was mildly disturbed when Graham entered, looking as jovial as his other half.

He ruffled her hair on his way to the fridge.

"Daaaad! I just got it to sit right." She complained.

"What d'you want to eat, Squirt?"

"Whatever's easy; eggs, I guess."

"How about a little poached with hollandaise?" He mused.

"Dad, really, scrambled is fine." She replied, rolling her eyes.

"Scrambled? Okay, I think I have some Gruyere in here and oh, that Spanish ham I brought home…" Graham continued to mumble to himself.

He handed items to Patty from the fridge, firing instructions at her as he went.

"Here, put those on the counter." He handed her the eggs. "You can start chopping those up." She took some chives from him. "After that, you can slice this up." He reached back to hand her the ham.

It was unusual for him to be so direct and Patty couldn't help the way her cheeks flamed as she recalled his confident manner during their morning activities. She was silently thanking heaven that he had finally found his niche, as it was making for a very attractive Graham.

Angela accidentally caught Patty ogling him as he was bent over with his head stuck in the fridge.

"Um, I'm just gonna go into the living room." She gathered her books and walked into the living room and straight into Danielle. "It's weird in there." She cautioned her sister.

"Whatever. Why should today be any different?" Danielle walked in and out within a few seconds.

"I told you." Angela quipped.

The kitchen door opened once more as Patty made her way through it and up the stairs. "Be down in a few."

Minutes later Jordan pulled up out front. He sat in the car and looked at the porch. The porch where Saturday morning started off so promising, the same porch where she practically told him that one day, she would spend the night with him. Having had some time to himself on Sunday, he realized that he knew three things for sure, 1. He had done what was right at the after party, when confronted with an opportunity to cheat on Angela and he wouldn't change his response, even if she couldn't appreciate that; 2. Angela loved him, just as he was and no matter what they may have argued over, when he left her on Sharon's porch Saturday night, he could see the sincerity of her feelings in her eyes and he felt it when he had kissed her goodnight; and 3. In the unlikely event that Angela were ever to betray him, Shane never would, of that he could be sure. Knowing those three things, he couldn't say he was over whatever this was they were in the midst of, but he was ready to move past it. He still wasn't sure exactly what happened that night or how it had ended up with each of them upset with the other, but he had no wish to revisit the problem and was prepared to act as if nothing had happened. The only question that remained was, could she do the same? He knocked at the back door, like he did every morning, only this morning, he was greeted by Graham instead of Patty.

"Come in, come in." Graham gestured as he walked away from the door and back over to the stove, where he was preparing the eggs. "Breakfast is almost ready. Angela's in the living room. Why don't you go get her?"

"Uh, yeah, okay." Jordan walks into the living room looking very confused. "Hey."

Angela walked over and kissed him in a way that made it clear that Saturday's events were no longer an issue. "Hey." Noting the confused expression on his face, she realizes that her dad had let him in. "What did he do?" She asked, her lips pursed together in annoyance.

"Nothing." He shook he head as he spoke. "I think he invited me to breakfast."

"Weird, right?" She asked.

Jordan nods.

"Don't say 'hello' or anything." Danielle snaps as she gets up off the couch. "It's not like I'm even here, right?" She grumbles and stalks off into the kitchen. Jordan looks after Danielle and back at Angela, clearly expecting some sort of explanation.

"Apparently, she didn't have a good weekend."

Graham sticks his head out into the living room, "You guys, the eggs are getting cold. Get a move on." And back into the kitchen he went as Patty descended the stairs and greeted Jordan, before gliding into the kitchen.

Angela looks at Jordan who's wearing a smirk. "What?"

He shakes his head. "I'll tell you later."

**xXx**

"I never want to work a shift without Mr. Chase again," Rickie comments shaking his head.

"Tell me about it. She's like Hitler in heels. To be fair, I hear that he actually did…wear heels, so I guess I could have just let the comparison stand."

Rayanne breaks a piece of bagel off and hands the rest to Rickie, who in turn, hands her his coffee cup.

"I mean, you guys were doing a great job in the kitchen. I didn't get a single complaint. Everything seemed to be going fine." Rickie continued.

"It was." Rayanne rolls her eyes. "She's a serious control freak. I don't know how he does it. If I had to work with her every day…" She takes a sip of the cappuccino in her hand before continuing. "A restaurant's good way to get rid of a body…just sayin'." Her hands raised slightly to emphasize her comment.

Rickie swallows hard at that remark and hands back the bagel. He decides against the rest of the cappuccino as well, suddenly feeling a bit green around the gills. Rayanne continues. "Well, I'm just glad that he and Pattycakes don't do this _every_ weekend." Rickie nods in agreement.

"Hey Rayanne." Rickie head spins in the direction of Corey's voice.

"Hey." She replies, squinting and shielding her eyes from the sunlight shining brightly directly behind him.

"Hey." Rickie offers, getting a nod from Corey in reply.

Corey moves down a few steps to where he's level with them and leans against the railing.

"They look good." He points at her painted sneakers. "They're holding up pretty well."

"Yeah, I did what you said. Cold water, no heat." She recites, counting on her hands.

Corey nods. "Well, see ya later."

"Later alligator." Rayanne replied, waving him off.

Rickie felt slighted. He thought the time they'd spent together on Saturday entitled him to more than a passing nod of the head. He wasn't expecting back flips or anything, but a verbal acknowledgment would have been nice.

"Look, Angelica's here." Rayanne chirped, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Um, Rayanne. I don't think now's a good time. Let's go inside." Rickie could see Angela talking and Jordan staring out of his window stoically. They were in the midst of what appeared to be a serious discussion.

"But I want to dish with her about Frauline Lowenthal." Rayanne whined.

"Ooph, Rayanne, I can't begin to tell you how completely wrong that statement is." He picked up her bag and held her by the arm, gently pulling her to standing, while pointing her away from Jordan's car and inside the building. "You really need to spend more time in Social Studies. Let's go, the bell's about ring again." Despite her protests, Rickie manages to get Rayanne inside the building. He looks back over his shoulder at the red car in the parking lot and hopes everything is ok.

**xXx**

Angela was surprised at her ability to keep it together for as long as she did. Maybe it was the weird breakfast scenario, or Jordan's theory that her parents happy mood could be attributed to sexual satiety, that kept her distracted long enough to resist saying something to him about the phone call to his house. They were in the parking lot and she could no longer pretend that she didn't know.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked quietly

"Angela, don't start that sh*t again." He threw his hands up in frustration. "I thought we were good. For real, let's just forget it, okay?"

"I'm not talking about Saturday." She shakes her head and turns in her seat to face him. "When did you leave home?"

Jordan was stunned. He didn't know what to say. _How did she find out?_ What detail had he missed?

"Jordan?"

"Awhile ago." He stares out of his window, unable to look at her.

"Define, _'awhile ago.'_" Her request is met with silence. "Oh my God! Since your birthday?" She questions. His continued silence confirms her assumption. "And you didn't say anything? I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"It's not a big deal." He slumps down in his seat and begins to chew on his thumb, still unable to face her.

"Are you out of your mind? It _is_ a big deal. In fact, it's kind of a huge deal." She says, gesticulating in an effort to get through to him.

"I'm fine. It doesn't matter anyway. I'll be back there soon."

"You can't keep stuff like that from me. You should have told me. It's been like, weeks, Jordan."

"Look, I'm handling it. Don't worry about it." He says dismissively.

She looks him square in the eye and with courage she didn't know she had she asks, "Do you love me?"

"What?" He looks at her in utter confusion, not understanding where this was coming from.

"Do. You. Love. Me?"

"Angela." He replies, pleadingly.

"Please don't make me ask again." She shakes her head.

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "You know I do."

"So, if it was me, and I left home. If my parents kicked me out, wouldn't you worry about me?" He snickered. "What?" She asked in annoyance, failing to find the humor in any of this.

"Don't you get it?" He asks. "That would never happen. You would never be in this situation."

"But if I were, wouldn't you worry for me?" She persisted.

"It's not the same thing. I've been taking care of myself my whole life. I know how to do this. I'm fine."

Angela sat quietly for a moment before softly resting her head on his shoulder. She could feel him relax slightly under her. He took hold of her hand and traced small circles on it, his focus still on some random point outside of his window.

"I worry about you even when everything is okay." She began, "I think about you all the time." She lifted her head and turned his chin to face her. "That's what this is." She gestured between them. "When you love someone, you can't help but worry about them. It's like, your job or something. You can't _not _tell me these things. I could have done something. I don't know what, but something."

"You did." He responded flatly looking down at their intertwined hands.

She waited for him to say more. When he didn't, she asked, "What did _I_ do?"

"You were there." He sighed and laid his head against the headrest, staring at the ceiling. "You make this…easier. I've done it before. Not for this long, but I've done it before and it's…whatever. You make it easier."

They sat in silence for awhile. The parking lot had cleared and the second bell has long since rung.

"You said you were going back." She questions.

"Soon. Can we not talk about this anymore?" His eyes were closed and he was tempted to stay right there the whole day and sleep. He was suddenly very tired.

"Did you hear anything I said?" She asked.

"I just don't want to think about it, okay? I'm not, _not_ talking to you. I just don't want to think about it, that's all."

"Okay." She conceded, hearing the heaviness in his voice.

Seconds pass and neither makes an effort to leave the car. Their hands are still intertwined and her head is on his shoulder. The silence is perfect. There's peace in it. He seems comforted by her presence and she is content to sit by his side until he says otherwise. Detention, suspension, none of it mattered to her as long as he was okay.

"How did you know?" It occurred to him that he was the one who said he didn't want to talk about it, but he was curious as to where he messed up. He had taken such care to cover his tracks.

She had been in a bit of a daze, listening to his breathing and the beat of his heart in the silence of the car. His question caused a sudden burst of anxiety to wash over her. "You're going to get mad."

His eyes shot open and he turned to look at her. "You went to my house again?" The alarm in his voice made her wince. "I told you not to do that. Angela, I don't want him… he f*cks up every good…" Jordan placed his hands on the steering wheel as if to brace himself. "Just stay away from there okay?" The calm of his voice belied the worry in his face.

"I didn't go to your house. I just called to invite you to dinner." She was staring at her lap, but she could feel the change in his demeanor. The relief in his face and body was immediately visible. It looked to her like all the air had gone out of him. He placed his hand on top of hers as if to tell her that he was ok. Her head went back to his shoulder.

"When he said you didn't live there anymore, it felt like, like I couldn't breathe or something. I didn't know where you were, if you were ok or not. I just, I felt like you don't trust me. Like you hide things from me." She was playing with the fabric of her dress. She couldn't look at him for fear that his expression would confirm her words.

He put his arm around her. "It's not that I don't trust you." He snickered, thinking to himself that she was one of the very few people in the world he actually did trust, almost implicitly. "You just don't _need_ to know all of that. It's like how you're always so embarrassed by your mom. Like you'd hide her away, if you could."

"Yeah, so, she _is_ embarrassing. You just don't see it because you have this weird affection for each other, which, by the way, creeps me out."

He laughed a sad little laugh. "You have no reason to be embarrassed, Angela. She's normal, _they're_ normal. That's what it's supposed to be like. Not this sh*t. Besides, if you knew, you'd want to talk about it all the time and I don't." He sighed. "It'll be over soon and then I'll figure out a way to move out. It's just like, a matter of time or whatever."

"Okay." She didn't want to upset him further, so even though she had a million questions, she kept them to herself. She looked up at him and found that his eyes were closed again.

"Hey…"

"Yeah?" She responded.

"Don't ask me that question again."

"What question?" He didn't sound angry or even annoyed, but she knew she had taken a risk when she took him there.

"You know what question. You shouldn't have to ask me that." A smile played at the edges of his mouth. "If you'd let me, I could show you and then you'd like, have no doubts at all." He peeked at her out of one eye and saw that her mouth had fallen open and her face flamed red.

"Shut. Up!" She hit him and he laughed as he tried to defend himself. She sat back in her seat and felt the color rise in her cheeks once more. Looking out of the window, she asked suggestively with a devilish smile on her face. "Wanna skip 1st? I didn't finish my homework anyway."

He reached behind her seat to retrieve his books.

"Nope. Got a paper to hand in and a quiz in 2nd. I could probably skip 4th though." She looks at him with her mouth open once more. "What?"

"You _finished_ your homework?" He couldn't understand why the question sounded like an accusation.

"Yeah, yesterday."

"I swear." She muttered as she reached for her book bag with one hand and the door handle with the other. "Guys are such jerks."

"What'd I do now?" He asked as he came around the front of the car and closed her door.

"How did you manage to get your homework done? I was so…nevermind." She shakes her head in annoyance. "Come on."

Jordan shrugs and follows her into the building.

**xXx**

"So, how long do you have to be on those things?" Angela asked, watching Rayanne braid a lock of her hair.

"Doctor says about two weeks." Sharon struggled with the door to the stall, trying to maneuver her crutches while holding on to her bag.

"Gimme that before you kill yourself." Rayanne took Sharon's bag.

"Thanks. It really sucks, because I won't be able to cheer at nationals like this and then school will be over. When September rolls around, you guys will be rolling me around."

Angela held the bathroom door as Sharon navigated. "Are you sure you're going to be okay. I could walk you to your next class." Angela offered.

"I thought you had somewhere to be." Sharon said, quirking an eyebrow. Angela's cheeks reddened in response. "Go, I'll be fine. I could use a ride home, though."

"Shouldn't be a problem. I'll get Jordan to drop you off." Angela assured her before taking off toward the boiler room.

Sharon took her bag from Rayanne and slung it over her shoulder, balanced herself, took a deep breath, and started the long and arduous journey to her next class.

"Wish I could help, but Tino's waiting for me in the parking lot and he's gonna be all pissy if I keep him waiting."

"It's fine. You guys can't go with me to every class."

"Happy trails, Hop-along!" Rayanne shouted after her.

Sharon rolled her eyes and in so doing, overlooked the person in front of her.

"Sor-"

"Whoa"

"...ry"

Shane caught her as her right crutch hit the floor. He picked up the crutch and handed it to her. The exchange was wordless; each of them looked at the other with their jaws set. Neither attempted to speak before going their separate ways.

**xXx**

Rickie reaches into his locker and pulls out two textbooks and a notebook, placing them into his bag for his afternoon classes.

He jumps at the sound of a voice behind him.

"Don't do that. You scared me half to death." He snapped at Corey.

Corey looks at him for a second.

"Is there something on my face?" Rickie asks, self-consciously wiping at his cheek.

Corey shakes his head. "So, did you bring it?"

"What, the vest?"

"Yeah."

"No. I meant to, but I woke up late and then I missed the bus. It was a morning." Rickie realized he was rambling and stopped speaking. He looked up to see Corey looking at him again. "What?"

Corey shook his head. "Are you staying after?"

"No, I've got a ton of homework."

"Okay, see ya."

Rickie nods.

_Maybe I'm just being sensitive. He did acknowledge me this morning, he just didn't speak. It's the same thing, right? Uggh it's times like these that I really appreciate Rayanne. You may not like what she says, but at least says what she means and means what she says._

**xXx**

"Do you smell that?" Angela asked.

"Yeah. It smells good. Is it ready? I'm dying over here." Jordan said referring to the leftovers she was warming in the microwave.

"Not that." Angela walked over to the kitchen door and sticks her head into the living room. "That's smoke." She says as turning to him.

"It's probably me. I was smoking outside."

"I didn't smell it before now." Her last word was punctuated by the ding of the microwave, to which Jordan responded much like one of Pavlov's dogs.

"Whatever. I'm gonna eat." Jordan retrieves the plate from the microwave and sits at the table as Angela leaves the kitchen.

She follows the smell of smoke up the stairs to Danielle's room door. When she sticks her head in, she is shocked to find Danielle leisurely smoking on the window seat. "What are you doing?" Angela walked in and snatched the cigarette from between Danielle's fingers.

"Hey!" Danielle protested, loudly.

"Are you insane? Mom will kill you if she finds out that you're smoking."

"What's she gonna do? She can't stop me. If I want to smoke…" She pulled out another cigarette and a lighter. "I'll smoke." Defiantly, Danielle lights up and blows smoke at Angela.

"Well, I'm not lying for you."

"No one asked you to." Danielle takes another drag.

"You're just a little kid." Angela says more as a means of processing what she's seeing than as an admonishment.

"Jordan smokes." Danielle argued.

"Jordan is 18, you're 12." Angela responded.

"So?"

"So, you're 12!" She reiterated as if that would make her point more clear.

"You're so lame." Danielle rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Angela, offended and outraged, lunges for the pack of cigarettes sitting beside Danielle on the window seat, but she's not quick enough and Danielle snatches them just in time.

"Get your own." She barked clutching them to her chest.

**xXx**

"H-hi. I wasn't expecting…" Rickie gathered his wits and his manners. "Um, come on in." He stepped back and invited Corey in. "See, it's sitting right where I left it." He walks over to the kitchen table and retrieves the bookstore bag, handing it to Corey. "So, thanks. Um, when do you think you'll be done with it?"

Corey shrugs. "Friday."

"I can't wait to see it."

"I could bring it by."

_You could just bring it to school. Wait. Did he just invite himself over…again?_

"I guess you could do that."

Corey put the bag back on the table and placed his book bag on a nearby chair. "Wanna watch a movie or something?"

"I should really get this homework done." Rickie responded.

"I meant after."

_He planned on doing his homework here?_

"Sure, I guess. I mean, if it's not too late." Rickie dropped his book bag on the couch. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Yeah, whatever you have. I'm easy."

Rickie blushed at the phrase and quickly made his way to the kitchen. "What are we doing? What is _he_ doing?" He whispered to himself and took a deep breath to steady his nerves.

**xXx**

"Angela! Can you come upstairs, please?" Patty called downstairs to Angela.

"Yeah, just a minute!" She responded. "I'll be right back." She rolled her eyes before reaching over and kissing Jordan. When she reached the top of the stairs, she was met by an annoyed Patty, who led Angela into her own bedroom.

"Angela, I know I've been really lenient about you spending time with Jordan, but I have in no way expressed that it was okay for him to be in your room when we're not here."

"He wasn't _in_ my room." _Today, anyway._

"And I would appreciate it if you would not allow him to smoke in the house. I can't tell him not to smoke, but I don't want him smoking in this house." Patty's mouth was drawn into a tight line and it seemed as if she wasn't really listening.

"He's never smoked in the house, Mom. What is wrong with you?" Angela folds her arms and furrows her brow.

"I am trying to be patient here Angela. There is no need to defend him or protect him."

"I'm not!" Angela hadn't seen her mother this angry in a long while and it took her by surprise, especially since the subject of said anger seemed to be Jordan.

"Please ask him to leave." Patty's face was turning red. "Now!"

"What? But Mom…"

"I will _not_ have you lying to me, Angela." Patty cut her off mid-sentence. She felt as though she was being taken advantage of and wondered what else had been going on in her house when she wasn't at home.

"I'm not lying. Jordan wasn't in my room at all and he has never smoked in the hou…" Angela realized where this was coming from and while she had no desire to rat her sister out, she was not willing to sacrifice her freedom in order to protect Danielle.

"You were saying." Patty stood before her with arms crossed and lips pursed.

"Mom, I'm telling the truth. The smoke you're smelling didn't come from Jordan being in my room. He has never smoked in this house, ever." She gave her mother a knowing look, but said nothing more.

Patty studied her daughter's face for a moment. "It wasn't Jordan." Realization dawning. Angela shakes her head. Patty sighs heavily. "I'm sorry Angela. I just assumed that…I never thought…" Patty sat on the bed, looking defeated, realizing that the only other person who could be responsible for this would be Danielle. "I won't ask you directly, don't worry. You should go back downstairs. Jordan's probably wondering what happened to you."

Angela reached the top of the stairs when she heard her mother call for Danielle to come up. Passing each other on the stairs, Danielle gives her the stink eye and mumbles under her breath, "Rat."

Some time later, Angela and Jordan hear one door slam, followed by another.

**xXx**

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, PMs, alerts, and favorites. This fic is getting crazy traffic lately. Thanks so much! As always, a round of applause for my trusty beta, Goodnight Girl. Be sure to give her a nod in your reviews. It's because of her than any of this makes it to the board. **

**Good news – the next two chapters are getting final edits and I will post the first one in two weeks. I'm really excited about the things that will happen in the next few chapters. They're special to me because they are the first pieces I wrote for this fic, nearly five years ago! Show me some review love and maybe you'll get the chapters faster. Hope you guys are enjoying your summer. **


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

It was shaping up to be an uneventful week. Angela made a point of not treating Jordan any differently since finding out that he got kicked out of his father's house. He was grateful for the normalcy she provided and despite his discomfort at speaking about the issue, he told her enough, over the course of the week, to put her mind at ease about his safety and comfort. She felt better knowing that he would be safe at the loft or the garage and that the car had only been an option when both of those had failed. She offered to wash his clothes and when he protested, she pointed out that it was costing him money at the Laundromat, where at her house, he could not only wash his clothes for free, but he could do so while in the comfort of her bed or the couch, eating free food, and making out.

If anything did change, it was that she had taken to giving him leftovers every night and she brought an extra lunch to school everyday. He didn't object too strenuously, remembering what she said about it being her job to worry about him and hoping that she worried just a little bit less when she knew he was eating well. He felt somewhat relieved that it was out in the open and once again, she had done nothing but prove to him that she was exactly what he needed. On Monday morning, when he saw Shane, a nod and a cigarette constituted an apology and no further discussion of Sunday's events were had. When the conciliatory cigarettes were finished, Shane relayed a message from Dom to call him. Jordan was at once anxious to get back to his room and dreading what it would take to make that happen. He'd put off calling for several days, fearing that Dom would be unsuccessful and this would be his life for the foreseeable future, showers at school, dodging Tino's uncle, and praying that Manny's kindness would endure indefinitely. Today, he decided he would call Dom and with that decision made, the day dragged as Jordan waited for the chance to speak with his uncle.

After dropping Angela off at home, he headed to the garage. Work was surprisingly light. He knew it was the calm before the storm. It would pick up again in a week or two when graduation got closer and summer vacations would begin. More road trips meant more work for him. Accidents and breakdowns in the summer were only rivaled by the Thanksgiving through New Year's holiday season, when the victims of drunk drivers would need bodywork for the fender benders and sideswipes that were as much a part of the holiday season as the Macy's Thanksgiving parade and Santa Claus. Taking advantage of the downtime, he spent most of the afternoon working on Angela's car. It was therapeutic. He would think about summer and what they would do together for two months without school to interfere. He hoped it would be the first summer that he didn't have to attend summer school and he worried that it would be the first summer that Angela would be mandated to do so. He'd been pushing her to attend geometry review sessions, when all he really wanted was to spend those extra hours rolling around with her in her bed or his car, but he was trying to do the right thing. He'd be the first to admit that it wasn't entirely selfless, since she'd have much more time for him if she wasn't spending it in class for six weeks.

He'd finished replacing the brake pads and was starting on the spark plugs, when he remembered that he was supposed to call his uncle. He cleaned his hands and headed to the front of the shop.

"Yo, Manny, can I use the phone in your office?"

"Sure, _mi'jo_. Take your time. I'm leaving anyway. You lock up and make sure those _pendejos_ in the back turn everything off. I came in here this morning and the lights were on all night." Manny complained.

"I got it." Jordan assured him.

"Mañana." Manny said with a wave of his hand, as he walked through the door.

"Yup."

Jordan went into the office and closed the door. He reached into the pocket of his coveralls and retrieved a slip of paper with a phone number on it. After several rings, someone answered, yelling loudly over music playing in the background.

"Yeah, lemme talk to Dom." He says and hears the music in the background come to a halt when Dom picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Shane said you called."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask. How come he's always the one who answers? His fine ass mom's got something against the phone?" Dom asked.

Jordan laughed. "No, but maybe she knows it's you. Kate's not thinking about you, Bro."

"I bet I could make her think about me."

"Whoa, whoa, Dude, over the line…" Jordan grimaced at the thought. Though Kate wasn't his mother, he still couldn't deal with the images Dom's comment brought to mind. It was Dom's turn to laugh. "Any movement on that situation?" Jordan asked. He was conflicted about going back home, but the effort involved in maintaining his grades, a job, the band, and a relationship, all while living out of his car and a locker, was starting to get to him. Finals were just weeks away and he had to do well if he had any hope of getting promoted and avoiding summer school.

"Yeah, we got movement alright." Dom chuckled. "So…I kinda mentioned to Ma that I thought Anthony threw you out and she flipped."

"What does she care? She hates me." Jordan was genuinely surprised that she would have anything to say about the situation.

"Old school Bro. Blood is blood and you don't put your kids in the street." He explained. "I was real dramatic about it _'I don't know where he is'_ I said. _'I haven't heard from him since before his birthday'_ I told her. _'I think he's been on the streets for awhile. Good thing he's a tough kid.'_ I said. I made sure I laid it on thick and just before dinner too. He got his ass handed to him lovely." Dom laughed. "It was beautiful. Am I good or what?" He said referring to his ability to manipulate his mother.

"Yeah, you're a genius. So, he just caved?" Jordan was sure there was more to this, but in true Dom fashion, his uncle only gave him the highlights.

"Motherf*cker never saw it coming. When he sat down to eat, she started yelling and then he was stuttering. F*uckin' hilarious. The whole time he's trying to defend what he did by telling her that you're a disrespectful little bastard and how you cursed him." Dom snickered. "She wasn't trying to hear a word he said. She told him that she put up with the three of us disrespecting her house with women and fighting and cursing and that he can't turn his back on his blood. Then, she went there with him, Bro,_ 'What would your father say if he knew this?'_" Dom poorly imitated his mother's heavily accented English. "You shoulda seen his face. I thought he was gonna have a f*ckin' heart attack right there. She told him to leave and he could come back when got his house in order."

"She threw him out?" Jordan was stunned, though he realized that this wasn't really about him, but rather some crazy Sicilian code of honor thing. Still, it served his purpose.

"Yup. I told you…beautiful. He looked at me like he wanted to rip my f*ckin' head off. I just smiled at him, which, of course, only pissed him off more. When Ma left the table, I told him that I'd talk to Kate and get a message to you, so he would have to talk to her. You know, tryin' to help a brother out." Dom said in his most innocent voice.

"Yeah, you're real helpful, Dom. Nothing in it for you at all." Jordan snickered.

"You can go back whenever you're ready; he said he didn't change the locks or anything. I'd stay outta his way if I was you." Dom advised.

"So, I'm just supposed to walk into the house. No bullsh*t, nothin'?"

"Oh, c'mon, I'm not _that_ good. You're gonna have to kiss his ass. You know the drill. I'm sure he's gonna be a dick about it, but at least you have a place to lay your f*ckin' head, right?"

Jordan sighed.

"You want me to come out there for a couple of days?" Dom's tone was serious now.

"Nah, I'm good. He's definitely gonna be a dick, but it's mostly just talk." Jordan replied.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Dom. I owe you."

"Listen, serious, if he gets stupid call me."

"Yeah, alright. I gotta go."

Jordan placed the phone on its cradle and thought about how and when to go back. He wasn't looking forward to seeing his father again. He walked through the garage, turning off lights and machinery. On his way out, he found himself picking up the phone again. This time the number he dialed was one he had committed to memory. Fifteen minutes later he pulled up in front of Angela's house. She had been expecting him for dinner, but then he called to say that he had spoken to his uncle and he just wanted to be with her for awhile. She wished there was something tangible she could do for him, some way to help him secure his own place, but for now she would be content to simply provide him some comfort and distraction.

She got into the car and was greeted with a hungry kiss.

"O-kay" She giggled. "I'm happy to see you too. Where are we going?"

"I dunno. The park, maybe."

"Oh, I almost forgot. I hate to ask, but can we stop at the restaurant for a minute? My mom asked me to drop off the new menu inserts." She rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Yeah, no problem."

As they pulled up to the front of the restaurant, she heard his stomach grumble. "Are you hungry? We can probably get something to go."

"Free grub? Sure." He shrugged his approval.

"Come in with me so you can decide what you want."

They entered through the front door and found a fairly empty dining room. The tea lights on the tables gave each one its own warm cocoon of light. What should have seemed romantic was almost eerie in the nearly empty room.

"Hi! What are you guys doing here?" Rickie greeted them, genuinely surprised and happy to see them.

"On our way out, but my mom asked if we could drop something off and then we decided that we were hungry, so…"

"You picked a good night. It's really slow. Go on back; he should be in the kitchen. Rayanne's back there too." Rickie motioned with his head. Angela and Jordan walked past the empty tables and into the kitchen.

"Angelika!" Rayanne beamed as she stirred a pot of something. She nodded toward Jordan, who nodded in reply.

"Hi Rayanne," Angela chuckled. "You really look like you belong here." Noting how at ease Rayanne seemed in this environment.

Rayanne smiled. "Right?"

"What can we get to go, like right now?" Angela asked.

Rayanne ran down a list of options and made a few suggestions before Angela and Jordan settled on something.

"Whatcha got there?" Rayanne asked, gesturing toward the folder in Angela's hand.

"Menu inserts. I'm gonna take them down to the office."

"Beware of dog." Rayanne said as Angela turned to leave.

"Huh?" Angela asked with a furrowed brow.

"Beware of dog, as in bitch. Hallie's been on the warpath all day. I'm pretty sure she's throwing a fit right now because she was in here a minute ago yelling about how your dad keeps messing with her reservation book and that's why we're slow tonight."

"Thanks for the warning." Angela replied. "You can wait up here if you want." She said to Jordan, who nodded and headed back out toward Rickie's station. He was glad that it was Rickie out front tonight. Hallie made him uncomfortable. She was always staring at him. Just as he settled into a booth up front, Angela came running out from the back of the restaurant and through the front door.

"Angela? Angela!" Rickie yelled after Angela as Jordan took off behind her. Rickie was nearly run over as Graham came flying through the dining room next, with Hallie right behind him.

From where he stands, Rickie can see through the front window of the restaurant that Angela is crying, her head is buried in Jordan's chest and her own chest is heaving. Jordan hugs her but looks clueless. He tries to calm her down but she just keeps crying. Reaching the sidewalk out front, Graham steps forward as if to take her from Jordan who is now eyeing himsuspiciously. It's clear from his countenance that Jordan doesn't plan on letting go of her anytime soon.

"Angela, calm down and come inside." Graham says and reaches for Angela's shoulder, but she shrinks from his touch. As Graham pleads with his daughter, Jordan notices Hallie standing behind him; he looks from one to the other and realizes what must have happened.

"Angela, please calm down." Graham pleaded.

She pulls away slightly from Jordan's protective hold. "Calm down? Are you insane? I saw you. Kissing _her! _Your hands were like, everywhere. I saw you!" Her gaze turns to Hallie and if looks could kill, Hallie would be dead and buried right where she stood. "I knew you would do this. I knew it!" She spat the words at her father.

Jordan pulls Angela back into his chest and whispers in her ear, as he strokes her hair. Graham is struck by the tenderness Jordan is showing her, but he wishes that Jordan didn't just witness this; it somehow made him less and Jordan more. He couldn't hear what Jordan was saying, but he could see the effect it had on her.

Jordan wiped the tears from her face. "Don't do this here. Come on, let's just go, okay?" She looks up into his eyes and nods. Jordan looks over at Graham, takes Angela by the hand and starts towards the car, "We're gonna go." It was a simple declaration, he wasn't asking for permission. He continued toward the passenger side of the car, now with his arm around Angela's waist.

"Wait, you can't just leave. Angela let me explain." Graham steps in front of Jordan blocking him from getting to the car door.

Jordan looks him straight in the eye. "We're gonna go. She needs to not be here right now." Jordan doesn't stand down and he doesn't shift his gaze. Graham ignores him and tries again to reach for Angela. Whwn Jordan steps in front of her protectively, putting himself between the two of them, Graham is taken aback and retreats slightly.

"Just let me explain. Honey, please." Angela steps out from behind Jordan to face her father. Her anger and the way in which she addresses him is like a physical force and he begins to back away from the car.

"You can save your _'Honey'_ for her!" She looks at Hallie, then back at Graham, shaking her head. "How could you do this to us?" Jordan opens the passenger door and places his hand on the small of her back to usher her inside. She turns to her father once more before getting in. "You can't _explain_ this. What explanation could there possibly be for ruining your family?" The words were like bullets; she said them with such force.

Jordan closes her door and walks around to driver's side, watching Graham the whole time. He pulls out of the parking space in front of the restaurant, leaving Graham on the sidewalk looking defeated as they drive off.

**xXx**

Jordan parked the car in a remote area. He figured she needed to just cry it out. He knew how she felt, the anger, disappointment, and pain. He vaguely remembered how it was with him after his mother left. He couldn't remember specifics, but the emotions he experienced, that he would never forget. The emptiness and abandonment had deepened over the years and became feelings of unworthiness and distrust. At the time, he didn't understand what had happened. One day they were eating cookies together and laughing and then she was gone. No one would tell him where she went or when she was coming back. It was as if she had never existed. He cried himself to sleep everyday for months. Over the next few years, every so often, the sadness would come upon him and he would cry himself to sleep, longing for her to comfort him. When he was seven years old and experiencing one of these bouts of sadness, his father had finally had enough and told him that he'd beat the hell out of him if he heard one more whimper.

"_She's gone and she's not coming back. She was a whore and she's doing what whores do, running the streets. Get over it, kid. Everything a woman is good for begins and ends with her on her knees or her back; blowing you, scrubbing the floor, and pushing out kids." _

Anthony snickered and walked out the room. From that day to this, Jordan couldn't remember ever crying again. He didn't understand everything that Anthony had said at the time, but he remembered it word for word. When he was old enough to fully understand, he was horrified at the image of his mother, as Anthony had described her. He never fully accepted it and like most kids, he imagined that she would come back for him. That lasted until he was about ten, when he decided that she must be dead, because any other explanation led him to the conclusion that she didn't love him and he simply couldn't live with that.

In the back seat of his car, Jordan held Angela to his chest as she continued to cry, his expression a mixture of sympathy and pain. Given her current state and their current location, he had a passing thought that this must have been how she was when she found out about him sleeping with Rayanne. The thought of her crying like this, hurting like this, and him being the cause of it made him feel like dirt and at the same time, she felt so good in his arms, like she was made to fit right there. He stroked her hair and held her tight.

"I'm sorry, I can- can- can't stop crying." She stuttered, trying to catch her breath.

"You don't have to keep saying that. It's okay." He rubbed her back as he reassured her.

"Every time I th- think I can stop, I start thinking about th- them…like, to-ge-gether…and my mom…" She crumbles into his chest. "…and I just start all over again." Over time, her sobbing lessens. She sits up and he fits her between his legs, her back to his chest, wrapping his arms around her and reclining a little, with their legs up on the seat. As she tries to clean up her face, it suddenly dawns on her that she's going to have to go home at some point and face her mother. "I have to pull it together before I get home." She says after taking a deep breath.

"You don't have to go until you're ready." He offered. "We can stay here or go somewhere else. Whatever you wanna do."

"Thanks, but I can't stay here forever." She tilts her head to one side and looks up at him lovingly, "I'd like to, but I have to go home eventually and I don't know what I'm going to say to her. Oh my God, Jordan, what do I say?" She leaned back into his chest as she imagined what she might say to Patty.

"_**You**_don't say anything. Stay out of it." He responded.

"Stay out of it?" She looked at him incredulously. "She's my mother. I have to say_**something**_. How can I walk around knowing this and say nothing? I mean, she's gonna find out and when she does, she's going to hate me for not telling her."

She fits herself back into Jordan's embrace, oblivious to the fact that he has become pensive and is chewing nervously on his thumb. When he finally speaks, he measures his words, as if he wants to make sure that he gets them out in the right order.

"Trust me; she doesn't want to hear this from you. She doesn't want to hear it at all, but she definitely doesn't want to hear it from you or anyone else, but him." He hesitates with this next part, and when he speaks, it's barely audible. "You didn't."

Jordan feels her stiffen and knows that he may well have undone himself with what he's just said. She turns in his arms. Although he's looking away from her, he can feel her eyes on him, and not in a good way.Angela looks at him in disbelief. He's afraid of what she'll say next, so he doesn't give her a chance to say anything.

"Look, this is the last thing I want to talk about, but wasn't it worse…I mean, that someone else told you? That it wasn't me…or her." His voice dropped in volume just a little bit and he sighed. "Just…let _him_ tell her." He said dejectedly, realizing that there could be no worse topic to discuss while laying in the backseat of his car, dealing with her father's infidelity.

Angela didn't respond at first. It wasn't that long ago that he had warned her not to bring it up again and here he was putting it out there. Raising the issue now was probably a dumb move, but he felt that the worse thing she could do was tell her mother that she had caught her father with another woman. If this ended it between them, fine. It would just about kill him, but he had spoken his mind and in truth, he was only trying to protect her.

She found herself speechless. As much as she didn't want to think about it, he was right. She had wanted to die when Rickie told her. She felt exposed, as if she were naked and on display in a department store window for all the world to see. "What if he doesn't'? What if he doesn't tell her?" She finally spoke and Jordan, who didn't realize that he'd been holding his breath all this time, exhaled.

"Maybe there's nothing to tell. Maybe that was as far as it went." He said simply.

She shook her head vigorously. "You didn't see them. Jordan, his hands…and the way they were…" Her voice cracked and she felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. Before the emotion could overwhelm her, he spoke.

"It doesn't matter, it's between them. You need to stay out of it. Do you really want to be the one to tell her about this?" He asked.

"Of course I don't _want_ to, but I can't look at her or like, talk to her knowing this. She'll see it in my face." She thought about it for a minute before continuing. "I need to talk to my father. I'm not going home until he deals with this, curfew or no curfew. I'll stay out all night if it comes to that." Her voice was stronger now, replacing the tremor that had been there before.

Jordan shifts a little, thinking to himself, _Not exactly how I thought spending the night with her would be, but okay, I'll take it._

He'd fantasized about spending the night with her more times than he could count. He thought it was a real possibility that they would, in fact, end up spending the night together because whether she knew it or not, her father was a coward and he wasn't going to own up to what he'd done without serious encouragement. Jordan based his judgment on the fact that in all the time he been dating Angela, Graham had never confronted him with whatever it was that he disliked about the situation. It was Patty who set the rules and boundaries with him and it was Patty who called him to the carpet if she thought something was amiss. Graham had scowled and grumbled, but never came to him man to man and stated his beef, not that Jordan wanted to have a confrontation, but he'd have respected Graham more for that than for the months of sideways glances and obnoxious comments.

"You can call him from the loft; no one's gonna be up there tonight. We just have to keep the lights low, so it doesn't look like we're crashing there."

Jordan pulled out onto the road. He'd suggested they go the loft because he didn't think she could handle a face to face conversation with her father. The hurt on her face when she came running out and the mess that she had been since then, was enough to last him a lifetime; he didn't want a reenactment of the previous events. He wasn't too keen on seeing her father again anytime soon either. There would be even more tension between them now that he'd gotten between the man and his daughter; he knew that wouldn't be easily forgotten. In truth, he didn't care if Graham never took to him. Protecting Angela was far more important to him that being accepted by her father. If Graham hated him forever, he still wouldn't regret what he had done. He hadn't thought about it before he acted; it felt natural to shield her from whatever was causing her pain. He was glad that Graham had backed off eventually, because he wasn't going to let anyone near her in that state, Graham included, and he didn't want to think about where that could have led. Jordan figured Graham was probably going crazy, thinking that Angela would run straight home to Patty, but Jordan had protected her from that as well. She needed time away from the situation to get her thoughts and emotions under control and he would make sure she had what she needed.

The car comes to a stop and Jordan cuts the engine. Angela reaches over and kisses Jordan softly but deeply.

"Thank you." She whispers.

"For what?"

"You were there." He smiles, recognizing his own words.

**xXx**

"What am I gonna do? Oh, my God. Angela…" Graham is paced while talking to himself. "It was nothing. She didn't see anything more than a kiss. I have to talk to her...explain to her. What if she's gone home to tell her mother? Oh my God, what was I thinking?"

After Angela and Jordan left, Graham didn't say much. He had been in some sort of shock. He sat with his head in his hands for a good fifteen minutes and pulled at his hair, then the pacing and muttering started. Hallie had been standing there listening to him mutter and ramble about the mess he'd created and what a worthless man he was.

"Was it nothing?" She asked.

"What?" He responded as though he didn't even realize that someone else had been in the room all this time. "Hallie, I can't, I-I just …I can't do this with you right now."

"Graham, look, maybe this is what needed to happen. You can't deny that there is something between us. It's…palpable, I mean, I think even other people can feel it."

"But my family…my girls." He sighs deeply, "Okay, okay, I-I'm attracted to you, it's true, but I'm a married man, Hallie. What are we doing?"

"Yes, you are a married man, but are you a _happily _married man? Because happily married men don't kiss their business partners the way you kissed me tonight. I think you need to be honest with yourself here." She steps closer to him, and looks into his eyes. "Be honest Graham, admit it. You have feelings for me. I can admit that I have feelings for you and it's more than simple attraction." She reaches up to put her arms around his neck but Graham stops her.

"Hallie, I just can't, it's not that I don't want to. God help me, I do. I can't say I haven't thought about us…that way, but it's just not that simple. I have a family, responsibility. I can't do this."

"Well, you have done it. It's done. Angela knows now and it's not going to go away, Graham. We've been dancing around this since the beginning. I never told you what Brad's theory was did I? He said that the only reason either us was interested in doing this was so that we could spend time together and not feel guilty about it. He said we were already in a relationship and there was no room left for him. That's why we broke up, Graham. Because he could see what we didn't dare, but I'm done pretending that I show up here everyday because this is what I want to do with my life. You know me. I could have any kind of business I want. Why would I dump everything I have and some of what I don't, to take on a business that according to the latest statistics, only has a fifty percent chance of success? Why would I take this chance with a guy who's never been to culinary school and has never even worked in a restaurant before? Don't you see? Brad was right."

Graham was overwhelmed. She had plainly stated things that he had pushed into the back of his mind for months. Hearing said out loud was too much, too real.

"Just let me…give me some time to deal with this, okay? I need to take care of this before I can think about anything else, Hallie. Please don't make this more difficult for me."

"You're making it difficult for yourself. Why do you think this happened? Why did you kiss me? You just came back from a romantic weekend with your wife and days later you're kissing me? What does that tell you? And this wasn't the first time that we got to that point, Graham. You know it and I know it."

He knew what she was saying was true. It wasn't even about Hallie, exactly. Even before he'd met Hallie, he had been tempted to cheat on Patty. He had gone as far as booking a hotel room with a woman he'd met in Harrisburg when he went to a printing expo the previous September. Graham was beginning to realize that there was something fundamentally wrong with him or his marriage, or both.

**xXx**

Jordan and Angela climb the stairs to the loft and settle in for what he suspects will be a long night. Part of him wants to get as far away from this as he can. There's too much drama in it for his taste, but he can't walk away from her when she's like this. Though he hates all the emotion of it, he kind of likes being needed by her. Plenty of the girls he'd been with had home situations that were less than ideal and they were looking for someone to comfort them, but for Jordan it had never been about what _they_ needed. They existed only to fulfill _his_ needs; he wasn't interested in meeting anyone else's.

He watched her as she picked up the phone and started to dial. Feeling that she needed some measure of privacy, he moved away from her, picked up his guitar and started to play quietly.

The ringing phone cut Graham off just as he was about to respond to Hallie's remarks.

"Thank God. Angela, Honey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He says into the phone.

Angela is trying desperately not to cry, "You need to talk to mom. I can't go home. Not until I know that you've talked to her. I can't face her."

"Angela, it's complicated." Graham replies.

She was silent for a moment, thinking to herself that he really must be losing his mind. What did he expect her to do, act as if she'd seen nothing? She began to speak in an eerily calm voice.

"_Complicated?_ No, actually, it's really simple. You're cheating on Mom with that woman. That pretty much sums it up, don't you think, Dad?"

Anger had replaced her sadness. She was outraged by the idea that he would consider not talking to Patty about this. She wondered to herself if he had always been as gutless as he was proving himself to be right now and if so, why had she never noticed it before.

_When did she suddenly become so strong_, Graham wondered. He had always preferred her to Danielle because she was so much like him, but now he could see Patty in her and in some ways, he was relieved that she was tough, because it meant she wouldn't break easily.

"Angela, I don't know what I'm doing, but it's not an affair. It was a kiss and nothing more. What you saw should _not_ have happened, but that's all it was, I promise. It was wrong and it won't happen again. I swear." Hallie's face falls at hearing Graham's words.

"Is that what you told yourself after you cancelled your date with that _other_ woman I saw you with? Is she the same one you called that night to say that you 'couldn't do it?' Or was that another one? What's wrong with you anyway? You just go from woman to woman behind Mom's back?" She accused.

Graham was silent at first, after hearing her mention the "other woman." He didn't realize how much Angela had known about it. After that first close call, he had promised himself that he would concentrate on making his marriage stronger and instead here he was in the thick of it. He felt so ashamed.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Angela. I love your mom. I do; and I love you and Danielle. I don't want to ruin our family. What you saw…just…happened. I'm not sure what to do, but I promise you nothing is going on with Hallie." With this, Hallie's eyes tear up and she walks out of the room. Graham is torn. He means what he's saying but at the same time, the attraction to Hallie was becoming impossible to deny. He watched her go and fought the urge to stop her. How could he feel so strongly about both things?

"If you saw me kissing Jordan the way you were kissing her, would you believe me if I said that nothing more has happened or would happen?" Angela asked.

The truth was, he had seen Jordan and Angela kissing in nearly the same way and he didn't believe that it would go no further, in fact, he was reasonably sure they were already having sex, no matter what Patty said. Graham falters for words, "Well, I, I…no, I guess I wouldn't." He admits.

"Exactly! What are you going to do, Dad? I'm not coming home if I have to face Mom alone. She deserves to know and I shouldn't be the one to tell her."

"I guess your mom and I have some talking to do." He concedes. "I'll uh, I'll head home now. And where exactly are you, anyway?" He hoped she wouldn't say that she was at Jordan's house. He couldn't help it; he was, after all, still her father.

"I'm still with Jordan and I'm staying right where I am until you two talk. I don't want to be there when you tell her."

"Angela..."

She hangs up the phone. There's nothing more she wants to say to him or hear from him.

Jordan put the guitar down and went over to her. "You okay?" She had her back to him. He wrapped his arms around her. She was shaking.

"For now. He's on his way home to talk to my mom." She turned to face him. "You're sure it's not a problem for me to be here really late?" She asked.

He shook his head "We can stay as long as you want." He heard her stomach growl and remembered that they hadn't eaten. "You wanna get something to eat?"

"I don't think I can eat. I feel kinda sick, but go ahead and get something for yourself. I'll just stay here."

Jordan wipes the tears from her cheeks and kisses her sweetly before walking out. As he closes the door behind him, he hears her sobs begin again.

**xXx**

**A/N: Hi Folks! As promised, you reviewed and I'm posting early. So, this is the first of two chapters that started this whole fic. Five years ago, after od'ing on MSCL fanfic, I found myself writing with no clear direction or intent to ever publish. Twenty some-odd pages later I was hooked. From that, I started writing other bits and pieces, much of which you've already read, but this chapter and the next are really was got me going. I hope you enjoyed it and I can't wait to hear from you guys, hint, hint. Tell me what you liked, what you thought didn't work so well, whatever, I'd just like to hear what you thought of it. Let's see if we can get to 300 reviews, then I'll post the next chapter. Goodnight Girl, thanks for your tireless attention to plot lines and character development. Did you think we'd get this far when you read this chapter two and half years ago? **


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

"Angela? Is that you?" Patty called out from the kitchen

"No, Patty, it's me." Graham responded. "Angela will be home a little later. I told her it was okay."

Patty enters the living room, drying her hands with a kitchen towel, obviously annoyed "You told her what? I know you said you'd be nicer to Jordan and everything, but…" Seeing his troubled face, she stops short. "What's wrong?"

"Patty, we need to talk."

"Okay…" She moves to the couch, having a feeling that that's the safest place to be for whatever he's about to tell her, "…talk."

Graham is pacing across the living room floor, trying to gather his thoughts. He takes a deep breath and attempts to explain what happened at the restaurant.

"Patty, something happened tonight. Actually, I think it happened awhile ago, but tonight I guess I just…God, this is hard." He pushes his hand through his hair. "I'm going through something and it affects all of us." He says, deliberately not giving her eye contact.

"Graham, you're scaring me."

"I'm scaring myself. I did something tonight and I don't understand it because it's not who I want to be, but I did it nonetheless." He stops pacing and sighs deeply, "Patty, Angela walked in on Hallie and me…kissing. Please don't freak out. Just listen."

Patty sits with her mouth open at first and then purses her lips and smiles, almost psychotically,

"I knew it. I knew it! Camille saw it; she warned me. Did I listen? Of course not!" She said to no one in particular.

"Patty, I love you, I do. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it and believe me…" Graham sat down opposite her on the coffee table, placing his hands on her shoulders. "…nothing else happened."

Patty shook his hand off of her and stood to her feet, looking down at him.

"Yeah, because our _daughter_ walked in just in time!" Just as she finished her sentence she thought of what her daughter must have felt like, walking in on such a scene and was hit with a sense of urgency. "Oh my God, Angela, where is Angela?" She asks him.

Graham stood up to face her. "She's fine." He replied.

Patty faced him with her fists clenched. "She's. _Fine_? I can assure you that she is _not__fine__._ She can't possibly be _fine_, Graham. Are you a _complete_ idiot? Where. Is. She?" Patty demanded.

"She's with Jordan." He replied weakly.

"Well, thank God for that. At least she's not alone." She said, relief evident in her features.

"I told her to stay with him while you and I talked. I figured it was best that she wasn't here for this discussion. I just, I think we need some time alone together right now." He explained.

He knew he had framed that whole thing in an entirely different way than it actually occurred, but it irked him, even in the midst of this mess, that Patty placed so much trust in Jordan. _They're probably having sex right now. Angela is so vulnerable and that little bastard is taking advantage of it._

"_Now_you want to have some time with me? Now?" Her voice breaks as she stands there trying to comprehend what has just happened and what it means for her family. "You have been practically a stranger to me and to our daughters for months and it takes kissing Hallie Lowenthal for you to recognize that there's a problem here?" She seethed.

"I know. I know I messed up and I take complete responsibility for that, but I realized tonight that things with us haven't been quite right for a long time. I guess that's why…I-I've been thinking and I think we should go to counseling." He said, pleadingly.

"Oh no, don't you make this about us." This _isn't _about _us_." Patty gestured between them. "This is about _you_!" She pointed at him, accusingly. "You and that Hallie Lowenthal. I agree that there has been some distance between us, but _I_ didn't go out and get involved with someone else. I've been here, Graham, right here!"

"Calm down. You'll wake Danielle. I'm not _involved _with anyone. It was just a kiss." He steps closer to her and starts to reach out to her before thinking better of it. "Listen, Sweetheart, I'm not denying that I'm the screw up, but we need some help. _ I_ need some help. I don't know what else to do. I already told Hallie that we won't be at work alone together anymore and, if you want me to walk away from the restaurant, I will. Just say the word." He knew he was lying, but he didn't know what else to say. That was the second time he'd lied to her tonight _and_ he'd lied to Angela earlier. Who was he becoming, he wondered.

"If _I _want you to? I shouldn't have to tell you that I want you to get as far away from that woman as humanly possible. _You_ should want to do that for the sake of your family. I can't look at you right now; I can't talk about this anymore. I have to go…right now." She picks up her keys and heads for the front door

"Patty, you can't leave. Patty! Patty! Where are you going?" Graham stands alone in the living room staring out the door and for the second time that night, he watched someone he loved flee from his presence.

Across the street, Brian sees Patty pull out of the driveway and speed off. Angela's dad is standing in the doorway just watching. It's clear that they'd had a fight. Brian couldn't remember ever hearing the Chases fight. They were always so normal Of course, his parents didn't fight either, but he'd never considered their marriage normal. _Normal people don't analyze every single word, phrase, gesture, and facial expression._

Brian noted the forlorn expression on Graham's face and they way his shoulder were slumped. He watched Graham go back into the house and noticed that Graham left the light on, as if he expected her to come back shortly. From where he stood, it didn't look like she ever wanted to come back. He had seen her tear out of the house and the reckless way she had pulled out of the driveway had been completely uncharacteristic of her. He wondered what had provoked such a strong reaction and then realized that he was analyzing someone else's marital issues. _Great, I guess the freak doesn't fall far from the tree. Ugghhh!_

**xXx**

Jordan finishes off a slice of pizza and Angela hands him a soda. She sat, picking at the slice in front of her. She'd eaten about half of it, but couldn't remember doing so. They hadn't said much to each other since he'd returned to the loft, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. She was impressed by the fact that he hadn't tried to kiss her, she knew that physicality was pretty much his answer for everything and she usually didn't mind, but she only wanted to be held and told that it would be alright, even if it wasn't true. She knew her life was about to change dramatically. Her father was going to leave. The knot in her stomach told her this was true. She refused to cry again and she didn't want to think about it anymore.

"Jordan?"

"Huh?"

"Would you play something for me?" She asked, looking for a distraction.

"What do you wanna hear?" He was happy to accommodate her. Music had always been his refuge and it was something that he loved to share with her.

"I don't care, only…no words, ok?"

He completely understood. There were times when words were distracting and made you think too much. There was a time for words, but this wasn't it. He picked up his guitar and played something he'd heard recently at the garage. The melody had been haunting him for weeks. It made him miss the music collection he still had at his father's house and for the first time since they entered the restaurant that night, he thought of the fact that he would be returning to the house soon. He had his own reasons for wanting to get lost in music tonight and the fact that he could also soothe her by doing so only made him want to play all the more.

Angela lay back on the hammock listening to him play. _What a beautiful song._ She had never heard it before. The sound of it reminded her of the movie they'd gone to sometime ago. She'd noticed how entranced Jordan had been by the music in the movie. At one point, she saw him unconsciously moving his fingers, playing phantom frets. She let herself soak in the music for a little while and tried to forget what she would be going home to later. When he was tired of playing, he joined her in the hammock and they lay there together, talking, laughing, and kissing. Jordan wrapped his arms around her and they drifted off. Sometime later, she jumped out of her sleep. At first, she didn't know where she was. Her sudden movement very nearly tipped the hammock over, waking him up.

"Hey, it's okay." He assured her. "We're at the loft."

"Oh my God, what time is it?" She panicked, thinking she'd missed curfew and then she remembered why she was there with him this late into the night.

"I dunno. You don't have to go, y'know." He rubbed her back and pulled her back down into the hammock with him. "I'll take you home in the morning." _I doubt Patty's real concerned about her curfew right now._ He thought to himself, wondering how she had taken the news. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind and focused on the girl in his arms, her hand splayed over his chest, his hand covering hers.

As he waited for Angela decide, he prepared himself to get out of the comfortable hammock and into his car for the drive to her house, but hoped he she'd stay instead. Being with her this way just felt right, like home or at least what he imagined home should feel like.He hadn't slept so soundly in what seemed like forever.

"I don't want to go." She placed her hand on his cheek and stared into his eyes as she spoke. "I want to stay here with you, just like this." She was lying half on top of him, wrapped in his arms, with her hand over his heart, comforted by it's steady beat. He felt her body relax and sort of melt into him as she sighed contentedly. He wouldn't have imagined that he'd like the feel of this so much, but he did. He laughed quietly to himself.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking…we're spending the night together." He had the silliest grin on his face.

She laid her head on his chest, wanting to be lulled back to sleep by his heartbeat.

"I guess we are. Not what you had in mind, I'm sure." She said wistfully.

He trailed his finger along her jaw, tilting her head up to face him. "I'm not complaining." He kissed her softly and they stayed that way, in each other's arms, in the hammock, drifting in and out of sleep.

**xXx**

Graham stood in front of the stove making breakfast; his lack of sleep is evident on his face. His usual grace in the kitchen had been replaced with jerky, clumsy movements.

"Mom left early?" Danielle asked as she sat down at the table to wait for her food.

"Uh, yeah, she, um, had an early meeting."

Sensing that her father was distracted, Danielle decided to use this opportunity to get something she wanted.

"So, a couple of my friends are going to the movies after school, can I go?"

A distracted Graham responds, "Yeah, sure," and places a plate in front of her.

Something didn't feel right about this situation. Her mom wasn't home, her dad looked like hell.

"Shouldn't you check with mom? It's a school day."

"I said it's fine, Danielle!" Realizing that his reaction is unwarranted, he recovers. "I'm sorry, Honey, I'm really tired. It's fine, really, go, have a good time, but be home early so you can do your homework."

Danielle looked at him warily, "So…can I have some money?" She pressed on just to see how weird things really were.

"Sure. Eat your food; you'll miss your bus." Graham stands looking through the kitchen window, wondering where Patty could have gone. He thought about calling Camille, but if Patty wasn't there, he would be giving Camille a chance to ream him and he just wasn't up for it. Patty was the most responsible person he knew, so he was sure she was safe, but he was still worried about her.

Angela walks in, surveys the kitchen and finds no sign of her mother. When she'd arrived home an hour earlier, at 6am, she found the porch light on. She assumed that they had left the light on for her, but now she was thinking something entirely different.

"Where's mom?

"She, uh, she had to leave early." Graham looks pleadingly at Angela, who catches on quickly.

"Right," stealing a look at Danielle, "I forgot." She pours a cup of coffee while glaring at her father. Danielle looks at both of them and slowly prepares to leave the kitchen with her book bag, looking back and forth between them.

"Oh, Danielle, here's some money for the movies." Graham takes a twenty-dollar bill from his wallet and hands it to her. Danielle knows there's something seriously wrong because her parents never let her go anywhere anymore and they certainly don't hand her $20 just for the asking.

"Thanks. I gotta go, I'm gonna miss the bus." She was happy to leave. The vibe between her sister and her father was strange and it made her uncomfortable. Graham looked out of the kitchen window to see Danielle walking to the bus stop.

"Thanks for going along. She doesn't need to know anything right now." He said, turning to face Angela.

"So, where _is_ Mom? What happened last night?" She sipped her coffee and grimaced. It was bitter and tasted horrible. She poured it down the drain and placed the cup in the sink as she listened to her father's account of the evening's events.

"She was really upset last night and…she…left. I'm sure she'll be back any minute. She just…needed some space." He was trying way too hard to convince her that all was well and that only made her more uneasy.

"So, you told her?"

"Yeah, listen, we're going to be okay. I don't want you to worry about this. Your mom and I will get through this. I promise." Graham moves toward her to hug and reassure her, but Angela withdraws from him and stares at him with cold eyes.

"I'm not Danielle and I'm not a child. Don't lie to me. Nothing is going to be okay. Are you blind? Mom _left_. She. Left. Dad. You're getting really good at lying, unfortunately, you're only convincing yourself." She turns away and walks over to the living room window. Angela couldn't wait to get out of the house and away from him. Jordan was late, he said he'd be back for her in an hour, it was ten minutes after and she was getting impatient.

"Angela?"Graham tried once more.

"Yeah?" She responded flatly.

"I really do love her. Your mom, I mean."

The fact that he felt the need to clarify that statement made her sad. She turned away without saying anything. Seeing Jordan pull up out front, she walks out of the house before he even has a chance to honk the horn and Graham is left standing alone in the living room.

_Something's burning. _He goes into the kitchen and sure enough a pot had boiled over. He burns his hand, trying to get to the pot handle and curses loudly.

**xXx**

Angela got into the car and was grateful that Jordan didn't have much to say. He handed her a cup of coffee and pointed to a bag lying on the seat between them with some sort of pastry inside. He asked if she still wanted to go to school and when she said yes, he put the car in drive and said nothing more. He didn't even comment when she turned off the radio, something she had never done before. When they pulled into the lot, Angela was looking out of the car window, at nothing in particular. She shifted over and without exchanging a single word, Jordan shifted in his seat and she fit herself into his side. He drew circles on the patch of skin peeking out from under her shirt, which had ridden up slightly. It was comforting and familiar. She thought about how good familiar felt. As she watched people exit the school buses and walk up the steps and into the building, she noted the various changes that had taken place that year. Brian had grown a foot taller, it seemed. He had a girlfriend who picked him up in the mornings and this morning, she observed, he was the one parking the car. Across the lot, Sharon was hobbling up the front steps with Rickie at her side. Her bump was becoming more visible and it finally hit Angela full force that her childhood friend is about to become a mom. Rayanne bounds up the stairs behind them and Angela is grateful that this one is even alive today. Then she thinks about how well Rayanne has been doing at the restaurant. That thought is followed by an ache in her chest. She wills herself to stop the tears that threaten to come. One deep breath later and her emotions are in check again. _Everything is changing around me_. Sensing her need, Jordan pulls her tighter into his side and kisses her temple. _I love you too, _she thinks and smiles as he resumes tracing circles on her skin. She closes her eyes and relaxes into him, enjoying the few minutes they have left before the first bell rings.

Jordan groans at the sound of the bell because it means that he has to release his hold on her. He wants to take her somewhere, anywhere else, and take her mind off of things, but she insists that they stay. Jordan reluctantly gathers his books and prepares to exit the car.

"You comin'?"

"I'm just going to sit here for awhile. I really don't want to talk to anyone. Okay?" She says.

"You want me to stay?" He asked.

"No, it's ok. Go. I'll be in soon." Jordan reaches across the seat and kisses her. "If you decide you want to leave later, come get me." She nods.

Brian sees Jordan at Angela's locker and is relieved not to see the two of them lip locked. He was use to it, but it was still unpleasant to watch. Of course, he could always choose, not to look, but somehow that option never occurred to him when they were actually in front of him. He wondered where she was. He'd just assumed that Jordan had picked her up, but now they weren't together. He wondered about the fight between her parents and if it was as bad as it had seemed to him the night before. When he woke up, he looked out the window to find that Patty's car wasn't in the driveway. Sure, it wasn't his business, but he couldn't help it; he'd known the Chase's nearly his entire life and he was worried about Angela. _You can't just like, stop thinking about a person just because they don't give you a second thought._ He saw Rickie down the hall and caught up with him.

"Hi."

"Hey." Rickie looked up at Brian and could tell from the look on his face, this was an Angela thing.

"Have you seen Angela?" They spoke in unison.

"Wait. Why are you looking for her?" Rickie asked.

"I'm not exactly _looking_ for her, I just wondered where she was...but I'm not _looking_ for her." Brian emphasized.

Rickie rolled his eyes, "She's probably with Jordan. I was just gonna go see if I could find them before homeroom."

"Nope, I just saw Jordan and she wasn't with him." Brian said.

Rickie's brow furrowed and he bit his lip.

"What?" Brian pressed.

"Um, nothing. I gotta go." Rickie turned to leave.

"Something happened…last night." He said as Rickie was walking away. Rickie turned to face him, eyes narrowed. "At her house. I mean, I _think_ something happened."

"What are you talking about Brian?" Rickie asked, closing the space between them so that passersby wouldn't overhear their conversation.

"I saw her mom drive off late last night and it looked like she was angry about something. When I got up this morning, the car was still gone. I don't think she came back."

"Omigod, omigod. This is _not_ good." Rickie leaned on the bank of lockers.

"I figured." Brian stood by stiffly, wondering what Rickie knew.

"Look." Rickie turned slightly. "I'd like to tell you, but I don't know if she'd want me to, so I'm just gonna see if I can find Jordan, okay?"

Brian nodded.

"I'll let you know when I find her."

**xXx**

The phone rings startling Patty her out of her sleep. "Wood's Printing, h-how may I help you?" She said, struggling to stifle a yawn.

"Patty? Are you okay? Have you been there all night?" A concerned Graham is on the other end.

"Yes. I really can't talk right now. I'm with a customer." Patty hangs up before Graham can say another word. She puts her head back down on the desk and groans. Her back and her neck were screaming in protest from sleeping in her office chair.

Patty had gone over their exchange at least a dozen times. She wasn't sure what would happen now. He was talking about working it out, but she honestly wasn't sure she wanted to. She'd known Graham for more than 20 years and she knew him pretty well. She didn't believe a word he'd said the night before. He wasn't going to walk away from the restaurant or that woman.

Patty loved her husband and had planned to spend her life with him, but the reality was that he was wrapped up in someone else and she had no intention of competing with anyone for what was rightfully hers. If he wanted to go, it was fine with her. In typical Patty fashion, she had spent the better part of the night trying to determine exactly how a split would affect their standard of living. Financially, he was more dependent on her than the other way around; something her father pointed out to her constantly. She knew that she and the girls would be fine, but emotionally, well, that was another story.

She thought about her daughters and how this would affect them and then she decided it was better for her to let it go than to demonstrate to them a poor example of what a relationship should be. She'd already begun to see disturbing changes in Danielle and attributed them to the fact that Graham was almost never home and spent absolutely no time with her when he was. Angela was nearly an adult and involved in her own relationship, but Patty still worried for her. She was a daddy's girl and this whole experience could really affect her ability to trust. Was she really doing this? Was she really thinking about walking away? It hurt like hell, the betrayal and broken confidence, but they had 20 years of history, a family, a life. Was she giving up too easily? Should she fight? Was there anything point to putting up a fight? She wanted to talk to someone, but the thought of hearing Camille go on and on about how she could see this thing a mile away, was completely unappealing. Then it hit her and she knew exactly what to do.

**xXx**

Angela sat distracted in Social Studies, she couldn't have cared less about who had won which wars, when the war at home was very real and she knew that there would be no winners. She excused herself to the bathroom and made her way to the Guidance office.

"Ms. Krazynowski, could I use the phone? I need to call my mother."

The guidance counselor could see that Angela was upset and although she was supposed to send students to the front office to make these kinds of calls, she decided to bend the rules.

"Sure. I need to step out for a minute anyway. Just don't be long, you should be in class."

"Thanks."

Angela dials the number and is relieved to hear her mother's voice.

"Wood's Printing, how may I help you?"

"Mom," Angela's voice was filled with emotion, her unshed tears threatening to spill over.

"Angela, oh Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She sniffled and took a deep breath. "I just wanted to know where you were." As much as she hated to admit it, she now understood the panic that parents felt when their kids were out late and didn't call home.

"I've been here at the shop. I just needed some time to think. Where are you? Are you at school? I hope you're at school." Patty asked.

"Yes, Mom. I'm at school." She let out a small laugh. It was just like her mom to be worried about her education at a time like this. "Mom, I'm so sorry. I wish I hadn't seen anything. I didn't know what to do and Jordan said that I shouldn't be the one to tell you…"

"Jordan's right." Patty interjected. "You shouldn't have to deal with any of this. I'm so sorry you had to be involved at all." Patty apologized.

"Are you going to get…divorced?" She asked.

"Why don't we talk about that later? Your dad and I still have lots to talk about."

"So, you're coming home?"

"Oh, Honey, of course I am." Patty reassured her. "I'm sorry you were worried. I knew you were with Jordan and I knew you were safe. I guess I just didn't think about how worried you would be."

"Mom?"

"Yes, Sweetheart."

"I love you." Angela said without hesitation or reservation.

"I love you too. Go to class and I'll see you at home."

**xXx**

Rickie and Rayanne are dividing up a bag of candy between them in the cafeteria.

"Hey, I wanted those!" Rayanne was pouting over the Swedish Fish that Rickie had taken for himself.

"Rayanne, you just ate like, 12 of them. I think you can spare these two." He'd been trying to act very nonchalantly. Rayanne knew what happened at the restaurant, but he didn't want to discuss any of it. She'd been strangely quiet about the whole incident. Of course, she hadn't actually seen the totality of it. All she really knew was that Graham and Hallie were kissing and Angela saw it. She hadn't seen, firsthand, the massive fallout on the sidewalk or the showdown between Graham and Jordan. Rickie was a wreck for the rest of the evening, trying desperately not to show his anxiety while dealing with customers. Given the mess that had unfolded, he had to keep things under control because Graham left early and Hallie didn't come back upstairs for remainder of the evening. The kitchen staff was on their own and so was he.

"Hi." Brian gives them a little wave. Rickie looks up and answers Brian's unasked question.

"Hey. I haven't seen her." He responds.

"I didn't say anything." Brian says, defensively.

Rickie rolls his eyes. "Whatever, I haven't seen her."

"Let me guess, Krakow, you're stalking our Angelika?"

"I'm not a stalker, I'm a friend. Not that you would know anything about that." He replied.

"Oooh, getting sassy are we?" Rayanne teased. "I like it when you put up a little fight."

Brian ignores her and looks questioningly at Rickie.

"I'm sure she's fine." Rickie said inspecting a package of Now n Laters, in an effort to avoid Brian's eyes.

"I didn't_ say_ anything" Brian defended once more.

"Okay, but I spoke to Jordan and I'm sure she's fine." Rickie answered, this time raising his eyes to meet Brian's, hoping to reassure him and cut the conversation short.

Brian walks away and heads outside to the soda machine. He sees Jordan there having a smoke and makes an about face when Jordan calls out to him.

"Hey Brain." He gets up and walks over to Brian. "I'm not gonna be able to go to tutoring today."

"Sure, no problem. I have a lot of homework to do, so that's like, actually good. We can pick it back up whenever you're ready." Brian turns to leave and then changes his mind. "Um, have you seen Angela?"

"Yeah, she's here." Jordan responds matter-of-factly.

"Oh. I haven't seen her all day. I mean, not that I should like, see her everyday or whatever. It's just that I, y'know, usually do see her, like, at some point.

Jordan is staring at him like it's hard to understand what he's saying. "She came in with me this morning. She's around." Brian noted that Jordan's tone shifted and something in it told him to let it go, but he couldn't.

"Oh, okay. I just wondered if she was sick or something, you know? If I should like, get her homework? You know, since I could like easily drop it off or whatever."

Jordan just stares at him.

"Okay then, well. See ya."

"See ya, Brain."

Brian is walking to his locker when he bumps into Angela, who is on her way to her own locker. He's relieved to see her and fights back a little smile.

"Hey, I mean, Hi "

"Hi Brian"

She called him Brian most of the time now. It was only when he pissed her off that she used his last name. He took some comfort in this small kindness. It made him feel that he was more of a person to her now than he had been in the past. _Progress, at a glacial pace, but progress nonetheless. _

"I didn't see you in homeroom."

"Yeah, I got in late."

Brian looks confused. "I thought Jordan gave you a ride this morning."

"God, Krakow! What do you, like, record my every move like a mouse in your stupid volume-meter?" She pushed past him and went to her locker with him trailing behind her.

"What? I just…I saw your mom leave last night and her car wasn't in the driveway when I got up this morning, I was, I don't know…concerned. _Great, word vomit. Nice. Now she's really going to freak out._

"Brian, I really don't want to talk about it, okay?" He noticed the sadness in her eyes and the heaviness in her voice and suddenly, his chest felt somewhat constricted. "I just want to get through the day. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

This was new too. When he did piss her off and she bit his head off, she would more often than not, apologize later. _Again, progress_. _Slow and steady wins the race,_ he thought to himself. _God, I'm such a jerk. She's like, having a major family crisis and here I am worried about presenting myself in the best possible light._

"I didn't mean to like, upset you or whatever. I'm sure everything will be fine, Chase."

The bell rang and the hallway became flooded with students

**xXx**

Patty entered the restaurant and approached a waiter who was out front setting up for the lunch crowd.

"Is Hallie here?" She asked.

Just then, Hallie emerged from the back, visibly shocked to see Patty.

"Patty. Uh, come, please sit down."

"Listen Hallie, I'm not here to rant or make some grand stand for him. I just want to know; are you in love with him? Is it about sex? What's your investment here?" Patty said bluntly.

Hallie was dumbfounded. For the first time since Patty had met her, Hallie Lowenthal was literally rendered speechless.

"I'm asking because, in case you haven't noticed, Graham is somewhat indecisive, so what happens from here is really up to us, you and me. It comes down to whether or not I'm invested in making this work and whether or not you intend to pursue it. That's the bottom line."

"Uh, I don't know what to say. I mean, I ha- have feelings for him." She stammered.

"Yes, well that's evident, isn't it? I would say that the feelings are mutual. I guess what I want to know is, were you planning on having a fling or is he someone you really want to be with? Because I have to tell you, if this is about a fling then you should have just done it and gotten it out of your system. It shouldn't destroy a family. If, however, this is a relationship, well that's something entirely different, isn't it? So, what I want to know is, what is your plan for my husband?"

Through the window, Graham saw Hallie talking to a woman he thought looked like Patty, but he decided that it couldn't be. _Why would Patty be here? She would never confront Hallie. _He entered the restaurant and was shocked to find that it actually was Patty that Hallie was talking to.

"Patty?" Graham said with a bewildered expression. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Graham. Didn't you suggest last night that you would give up the restaurant to save your family? And here you are not 12 hours later?" Patty steals a glance at Hallie who is obviously shocked and upset by this revelation. Her expression confirms Patty's suspicions that Graham was less than truthful about where the two of them had left things.

"Patty, I…" He began.

"It's fine Graham." She put her hand up, effectively cutting him off. "I have the answers I need. You don't have to do a thing; I'll take care of everything. You should make arrangements to move your things and I'd prefer if you'd do it while the kids are at school. They'll be upset enough without having to see you clear out your stuff." Patty turned on her heels in the direction of the front door.

"Patty…" Graham called out after her, feeling some hope when she turned back.

"I'd appreciate if you would be home tonight, so that we can talk to the girls together, ok?" Patty added before walking toward the door.

"Patty! Damn it! Wait!" Graham walked behind her, reached out and held her arm. "Don't I get to say anything? Don't I have a say in whether or not I want to save this marriage?"

"Graham, I appreciate the gesture, but we both know that you are incapable of making such a decision, so I've done it for you. It's ok, really. It's better this way. The back and forth of you trying decide where you want to be and with whom is more than I'm willing to deal with or put our girls through. I'll see you tonight at around 7, okay?"

Graham and Hallie watch her leave and then look at each other in complete amazement.

**xXx**

Angela decided against going to her next class, in favor of hiding out in the girls' room. She'd considered finding Jordan and leaving, but she didn't want to pull him out of class only to watch her cry some more. She washed her face and sat on the windowsill wondering what would happen or more accurately, when it would all happen. She was sure that her parents were going to split up, if not now, soon. _How would it happen? Would there be screaming and fighting?_ She pictured Danielle going to pieces and trying to hold on to their father as he walked out the door. She thought about going to her last class of the day, but didn't want to face Sharon, figuring that Camille had already filled her in. Then her thoughts traveled to Rickie and Rayanne. _God, everyone knows. Wait, did they like, actually know? Did Rickie and Rayanne know? Would they keep something like that from me? Rickie would tell me. I'm sure he would. Rayanne had to have seen something. How could she not tell me? _Angela remembered the argument they'd had months earlier regarding the Dead tickets that she scalped to get back at Graham for the liaison she knew he had set up and then backed out of. Rayanne had told her it didn't matter what he was doing. She didn't seem to have a problem with Graham's behavior. _Of course, she doesn't think it matters. Why would she? She didn't think it mattered when she screwed my ex-boyfriend either. _As if on cue, Rickie and Rayanne walk into the restroom.

"Hey." Rayanne says tentatively as Rickie walks over and hugs Angela.

"Hey."

"How are you doing?" Rickie asks.

"Okay, I guess, considering."

"Angela, I'm so sorry. I looked for you this morning, but Jordan said you wanted to be alone, so…"

"It's okay, Rickie. I just didn't want to have to like, talk about it all day."

"So, uh, how did Patty take it?" Rayanne asked.

"I just said, I don't really want to talk about it." Angela snapped.

"S-sorry, I was just trying to…" Rayanne started until Angela cut her off.

"It's fine. Let's just talk about something else okay?"

"Um, Mr. Katimsky said that you don't need to worry about tonight's homework." Rickie informed her.

"You told him?" Angela's voice was strained.

"I had to. Things picked up a bit after you left and I ended up closing last night. We both did. I had to tell him why I was there so late."

"Sorry, I guess that makes sense." She hesitates before continuing. "I need to ask you something. Both of you." Angela's eyes are trained on Rayanne, who is looking elsewhere. "Did you know? Did you know what they were doing?"

"Of course not!" Rickie responded immediately. "Your dad's been really good to me, but I wouldn't, couldn't work there if I knew that was going on. After last night, I was planning to quit, actually."

"Thanks, Rickie, but I don't want you to do that for me. You like working there and it's all out in the open now, so it really doesn't matter."

The room is silent except for the dripping faucet of one of the sinks.

"Rayanne?" Rickie realizes she hasn't spoken and won't meet Angela's gaze.

"Huh?"

He turns away from the two girls and looks out of the window, unsure of what to say.

"I didn't know. I mean, I had my suspicions or whatever, but I didn't actually see anything." Rayanne chanced a look at Angela and was met with red-rimmed, tear-filled eyes. "What could I have done? I couldn't just come up to you and say I think maybe your dad and Hallie might, maybe, eventually, one day, start fooling around. I mean it was just a suspicion. I didn't have any proof. I never saw anything. Angela, I swear."

"Would you have told me if you knew for sure?" Angela asked, never taking her eyes off of Rayanne. Her question is met with deafening silence. "I have to go." Angela grabbed her back from the windowsill and walked out.

"What did she want me to do?" Rayanne asked.

**xXx**

Jordan leaned against the car and waited for Angela to exit the building. He had been approached by Brian, Rickie, and Sharon, all asking where Angela was. He wouldn't have told them even if he had known. This was exactly the reason he didn't want to her stay in the first place. Now, he was at the car, wondering where she was. It made no sense to go looking for her, she would eventually emerge and come to him, but the wait was torturous. When she finally reached the car, she simply put her arms around him and buried her face in his shirt. She looked exhausted. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"You were right; we should have ditched." She mumbled into his shirt, causing him to chuckle.

"There's always tomorrow." He replied and gave her half a smile.

**A/N: First things first, you guys are awesome. Lots of review love in the last few days. I'm liking it. Thanks to Goodnite Girl for amazing beta skills. Thanks to everyone who alerted, favorited, PM'd, reviewed, and read. I know I spoiled you guys with the last few chapters, but the ones after this will take a little bit longer to post. Everything from this point on is stuff that I haven't even looked at in more than a year, so bear with me as I pull it together. It will totally be worth it in the end. **

**So, what do you think, is Patty crazy? Is she doing the right thing? What about Rayanne? Should she have said something? Let me hear what you think.**

**P.S. - The song Jordan is playing for Angela is Samba Pa' Ti by Santana. To hear it, go to YouTube and search: **** Carlos Santana- "Samba Pa Ti" (1970) **

**Obviously, he'd have been playing without accompaniment.**


	33. Chapter 33

_Two weeks...Two weeks ago, before I saw my father kissing a woman who was not my mother, I had a fairly normal life. Two weeks ago, my biggest concern was when, not if, Jordan and I would finally have sex. Two weeks ago feels more like a year ago. The day after the Hallie incident, my parents sat us down and Mom told us that she thought it would be best for her and my father to have some time apart. Translation: 'we're getting a divorce, but we don't want you guys to wig out, so we'll ease you into it.' Danielle was dumbstruck. She said nothing the entire time. After my mom dropped the bomb, my father tried to reassure us that it had nothing to do with us and that we were great kids, blah, blah, blah, but he and my mom were trying to work through some problems they were having. Typical, she does all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Why had I never noticed that before? Danielle locked herself in her room when my father packed a suitcase and said he could be reached at my Uncle Neil's house. When he left, my mom went into the kitchen and started cleaning, like nothing was wrong. Dani wouldn't come out of her room and all I could do was sit on the couch and look at the front door. Jordan came by a little while later and we sat on the porch for awhile, saying nothing. He said he cancelled practice and parked down the street until my father left. He thought I might want to get out of there and he didn't want me to feel like I had no escape. I felt like I should stay put for my mom and Danielle, but I was really glad that he was there with me. _

_That night, not once did either of my parents mention the real problem. My father is having an affair. Why won't anyone just come out and say it? I mean, I actually saw it, so it's not like it's speculation or whatever. It's real. Like, really real. At first, I thought that they were trying to spare Danielle, but now I don't know. The only person who doesn't seem to have a problem talking about it is Camille Cherski. She's only too happy to call a spade a spade, but when she says it, it doesn't feel like she should. It feels like she's saying 'I told you so' all the time and I swear I'm about five minutes from screaming at her to mind her own damn business. Sharon has said almost nothing, which is weird. I guess she's dealing with her own stuff. _

_My mom seems to be handling things well, but sometimes I hear her at night, when I get home. Sometimes, on my way to my room or the bathroom, I hear the sniffling and every now and then I hear actual sobbing. I guess that's a good thing. She's super strong the rest of the time, and you'd never know anything was wrong, but it has to come out somewhere, right? I feel so bad for her. Jordan and I haven't even been together a year and it's not even like we're married or anything, but if he cheated on me, I think I would curl up into a ball and literally die. I can't imagine what that kind of betrayal feels like after 20 years together and two kids. It's made me think about Jordan and Rayanne, a lot more. Not that I'm still angry about it, but it was the most painful thing I've ever dealt with in my life and he wasn't even my boyfriend at the time. Granted, Hallie is definitely not my mom's best friend or anything, but my dad kinda was. Plus, they like, have kids together and they live together. I used to think I would get married, have kids, and that would be it. My life would be like, settled or whatever, like my parents, but now. I have to wonder… _

_Uggh! Danielle is up. She's probably smoking a cigarette in bed and plans to burn the house down. She is…I don't even know what to call it. She's always been a brat, but I think she's actually graduated to bitch. The other day, she even insulted Brian. She called him lame, told him she doesn't know what she ever saw in him, and then slammed the door in his face. Jordan told me that Dani had been hanging out with Shane's little brothers until Kate put a stop to it. He said he didn't tell me before because he didn't feel like it was his business and then the visits stopped, but when he saw how she treated Brian, he figured he better let me know. My mother has no idea what to do with her. She keeps getting calls from the guidance counselor at Dani's school, but Dani's smart and she hasn't actually done anything to get herself suspended or anything. Everyone's just "concerned." She seems to be angry at my mom for some reason. She knows what happened with Hallie and that it was my father's fault, but for some reason, she's angry at my mom. The first week after the split, she kept coming home really late and when my mom asked where she was, she'd roll her eyes, go up to her room, and slam the door. Since then, the house is like a prison. I have to come straight home after school and if Dani's not home by a certain time, I'm supposed to call my mom at the shop. She said that once they get through the end of June, she'd be around more. The shop is overrun with printing graduation programs and party and wedding invitations. She's going to start taking random ½ days so that she can keep an eye on Dani. It's really tense and I'm out the door as soon as my mom gets home. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Jordan. _

_I'm laying here in bed, looking at the ceiling, wishing I could sleep. The last decent night's sleep I got was at the loft with Jordan the night of the incident. It's kinda messed up, but it was the best and worst night all at the same time. Even with everything that was going on around me, just being in his arms all night was the best feeling in the world. Even better than the things he usually does to me when we're alone. Maybe that's why it was better. We didn't like, need to do any of that. Just being together was like, enough or whatever. I've replayed that night over and over in my head. Something is really different between us. I didn't realize it when it happened, but he actually stepped between me and my father that night and the way he stared my father down, it was, I don't know. All I know is that when I think about it, it usually leads to me having to cross my legs and squeeze really hard for a few minutes. Is that weird? Seeing your boyfriend challenge your father isn't supposed to like, turn you on is it? I'm really losing it. I need to get some rest or something._

_The night that everything happened, Jordan wanted to talk to me about moving back home to Anthony's house, but we never did. All the stuff happened with my family and he just put his worries to the side. I didn't even know he went back until yesterday. He's been back home for couple of days now, but we haven't even really talked about it yet. I hope things are okay or as okay as they can be with those two. I swear, if I ever see another bruise on him…Well, I don't know what I'll do but it won't be nothing, that's for sure. I was waiting for him to cut and run, like used to do whenever things got too serious or emotional, but he didn't. Well, not exactly. He cut and ran __**with**__ me instead of away from me. I gotta say, it's not an entirely bad strategy. We ditched for a whole day and I felt so much better, not having to see anyone or talk to anyone. We did completely silly things, like play on the swings and the see-saw. We had lunch at Chuck E. Cheese, played games all afternoon and took pictures in one of those ridiculous photo booths. It was exactly what I needed. I know it was all a distraction, but I don't think I would have made it through the day any other way. _

_Things are sort of settling down now. The last of my father's things were moved last week, while we were at school. He calls every day to speak with us, but I have nothing to say to him. Dani asked him if she could come live with him, but he told her that my mom needs her. Translation: 'Having kids around would make it really difficult for me to continue to have sex with my heinous whore of a business partner.' _

_It's weird, but when I look at it, nothing's really changed about our day to day lives. I realize now that he'd been gone awhile before he physically moved out. I guess it's just the finality of him actually moving his stuff out that makes this so real. I keep going over every interaction I've witnessed between them, wondering if I saw something, but didn't want to believe it. I guess Rayanne is right. I worked there all of spring break and I didn't see it, so how can I blame her for anything. Still, I think she should have said something if she suspected. Rickie told me to put myself in her shoes. He says that my father is like this lifeline or something and that being at the restaurant keeps Rayanne from drinking and partying. I guess he's right. I don't know. I can't explain why I'm angry at her, but I am. _

_God, I wish I could sleep. My eyes feel like there's sand in them and I know I look like crap. Every now and then, I catch Jordan looking at me in this weird way, like he's worried. I think, he thinks I'm going to have a breakdown or something. I'm okay though. I'll be fine. I just need to get some sleep. Great, only 2 hours til I have to be up for school. Today is going to suck._

**xXx**

At 7:00am, the Chase women gathered around their kitchen table in various states of preparedness for the day. Danielle wore a scowl on her face as she picked at the toaster waffle on her plate. Her backpack sat on the floor beside her and all she was waiting for was her mother's permission to walk across the street and wait for the bus. This is how it's been for more than a week now. Patty attempted to account for every minute of Danielle's day in order to keep her out of trouble.

"Danielle, please don't forget to have your band teacher sign off on your weekly monitoring slip."

Danielle promptly rolled her eyes, "How can I when you like, _constantly_ remind me?"

Patty opened her mouth to respond, but decided that she'd like to get through at least one morning per week without a battle of wills. "Eat your waffle and you can go on out to the bus stop."

"Sure thing, Warden." Danielle quipped.

_I will not be baited. I will not be baited. I will not b-_

"Mom?"

"I'm sorry Angela what did you say?"

"I said, can you make sure you're here by six tonight? Jordan has practice and we've been late every night this week."

"Sure, Sweetie. Tell him I'm sorry about that."

"You can tell him yourself, he's right outside." Angela gestured to the door as she made her way across the kitchen to let him in.

"Hey. Tell me what?"

"Hey." Angela responded and pointed at her mother.

"Angela was just telling me that I've been making you late for practice, so I wanted to apologize. It's a really busy time for us at the shop. I told her I'd be home on time, so that you guys can get going."

"No worries. It's not like they can start without us, so whatever." Jordan shrugged.

"Still, our…situation" Patty unconsciously glanced at Danielle as she spoke, "shouldn't inconvenience you."

Danielle stiffened as she rose from the table, her fists balled up at her sides.

"I am NOT a SITUATON!" She grabbed her bag from the floor and headed for the door.

"Danielle!" Patty called out in warning to no avail. With Jordan blocking the exit, Danielle turned and walked toward the door that led to the living room, but was then blocked by Patty. "You will leave when I say you can leave and not a minute before! Give me the bag." Danielle didn't move an inch. "Now, Danielle."

"Whatever." Danielle threw the bag at Patty, who proceeded to rifle through it, in search of contraband. This was the morning ritual. Patty had yet to uncover anything untoward, but she was sure that Danielle was hiding cigarettes, since she came home every evening smelling like one.

"You'd better get going." Patty handed the bag back to her scowling daughter and watched her walk through the door.

Turning back to Angela and Jordan she speaks wearily, "I'm sorry you guys had to see that. I just don't know what's going on with her." Patty shakes her head. "Well, you two should probably head out too."

Angela retrieved her bag and followed Jordan to the door. Turning back, she thought she heard her mother sniffle.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Go on. I've got to get out of here myself or Eric will have my head." She chuckled. "He's probably already opened up."

Angela hesitated before stepping through the door and continuing toward the car. As she settled herself in the passenger's seat, she avoided Jordan's gaze. She needn't have worried; Jordan had no intention of commenting on the exchange he'd witnessed. It's not the first time he'd seen that sort of thing. Patrick and Kate went at it for years before he finally enlisted. It wasn't foreign at all; it was just weird that it was Danielle. He tugged on Angela's sleeve to get her attention and when she looked over at him, he motioned for her to slip across the seat. When they arrived at school, she finally seemed to be snapping out of it.

"I never asked you about what it was like when you went back home." She said timidly, knowing that he wouldn't want to discuss it, but still needing to know if he was okay.

"Not much to tell. He's an a$$hole, I didn't expect different. Things pretty much went like I expected." He shrugged and moved her hair out of his way as he pulled her earlobe into his mouth.

"Mmmm. "_Focus _"That's it?" She said breathily.

"Mmmhmm. That's it." He mumbled into her neck.

"Do you not want to talk about it?" She struggled to keep her head on straight as his ministrations continued.

Jordan pulled back with a sigh. "Nothin' to talk about. I showed up, he said some sh*t. I went upstairs and unpacked."

"Oh, okay. So, everything's okay?"

"Ange, I'm fine. It's not any worse than it was before I left. It's sorta better because he knows that Dom's keeping tabs. I'm fine. Okay?"

"Okay. I just feel bad because you did all of that on your own and I couldn't really be there."

"You're always there, except, maybe right now. Right now, I'd have to say you're definitely not there."

She giggled and kissed him chastely on the lips. "Am I there now?"

"Um, no. Not yet." A small smile played on his lips.

She kissed him slightly more passionately. "What about now?"

"Uh-uh."

She planted kisses on his neck and made a trail leading up to his ear, where she proceeded to nibble lightly. "Now?"

"Not yet, but you're getting there."

She pulled back from him and regarded him with a smirk. It was a look he wasn't used to seeing and truth be told, it made him nervous. She kissed him once more, deeply and passionately, while surreptitiously sliding her hand down to his lap. She reached under his shirt and dragged her fingertips lightly across his stomach and down the trail leading to the waistband of his jeans. With her hand obscured by his shirt, she deftly undid the button and unzipped the zipper of his jeans. He attempted to pull away from her, but she wouldn't relent. As she slid her hand over him, she felt his whole body stiffen, which caused her to pull back. "What about now?" She asked with a devilish grin.

"You're killing me." He responded with a husky voice, followed by a shaky breath. "Don't start what you're not going to finish." He admonished, promptly moved her hand, and adjusted himself with considerable difficulty.

Angela giggled and gathered her things. "Come on, we're gonna be late."

"Yeah, well at least one of us is." He threw his head back and breathed deeply in an attempt to get his body under control before exiting the car.

**xXx**

_I'm so confused and even more frustrated. Corey is the most confusing person on the planet! I now have a total of 2 custom painted vests, 1custom painted jacket and a pair of custom painted sneakers, but I still don't know what his deal is. Are we friends? More than friends? Is he even gay? I can't take it anymore. I refuse to do what I did with Aaron. I just won't. Right, but what do I do to make sure that it doesn't happen again? I already like him. I always have. We've been spending more time together and when he's not there, I think about him like, constantly. Last week when he called me, I nearly fainted. I didn't even know he had my number. I mean, I guess he had Mr. Katimsky's number from when we did the play, but he's never called the house before. See, that's what I mean. Does this mean something? He's never called before and the first time he calls, it's for me. I think that means something. Of course, all we really talked about was the social studies assignment, but he could have called anyone for that. If I were straight, I could just ask a girl out and she'd say yes or no and that would be the end of it. This is so much more difficult. I can't just ask him out. What if he's straight and he gets offended? But he has to know I'm gay right? Doesn't everyone kinda know? I mean, no one actually says it, but we all like, know, right? Ugggh!._

Rickie checks the stalls before returning to the mirror to give himself a pep talk.

"Okay, that's it. No more pseudo-study dates. No more accidental meetings in the mall. I'm putting a stop to all of it. If he wants to see me, he's going to have to come out and say so. I deserve to at least know if someone is interested in me. I shouldn't have to guess."

Satisfied with his newfound resolve, he exits the bathroom and runs into Sean Taylor and Mark Wasserman, his own personal bullies. He immediately mumbles an apology and steps out of their way. The bell has rung and all parties are now late for class. Given the circumstances, Rickie hopes that the two boys will continue on their way.

"Watch where you're going, sister." Sean snickers and his quip rewarded with a hi-five from Mark.

"Yeah, don't be trying to cop a feel." Mark adds as he backs Rickie up against a locker with Sean not far behind.

"I'm just trying to get to class, okay?" Rickie says, hoping that the reminder that they're all late for class will cause them to move along.

"Maybe we're not going to class. Maybe we have something more fun in mind. Whatdya say, Sean, wanna have some fun?" Mark waggles his eyebrows.

"Sure."

Mark reaches up and swipes his hand down Rickie's face. "Oh no, Cutie Pie, your make-up's all smudged. You better run along and powder your nose."

"Let me go! Don't touch me!" Rickie shoves Mark and protests as Sean takes a swipe at him next.

"Don't touch you? I bet you'd love for us to touch you. Wouldn't you?" Sean taunts and tries to pin one of Rickie's arms, to avoid being hit. Rickie struggles against them, getting in a hit here and there, but he's outnumbered.

At that moment, Corey rounds the corner with a tardy slip in hand. Taking in the sight in front of him, he opens his mouth to say something, but the two boys run off before he can get it out.

"Hey, you okay?' He asks Rickie, who nods, barely holding back the tears that have welled up in his eyes.

"I'm fine." He chokes out.

"They're idiots, the both of them. Don't let them get to you." Corey adds as he gathers up Rickie's belongings and hands them to him.

"Don't let it get to me?"

"Yeah, they're morons. They're always bothering somebody."

"Really? Because from what I've seen, I'm pretty much their favorite punching bag." Rickie barks back.

"What are you getting mad at me for?" Corey looks at him with surprise. "Would you feel better if they were trying to beat my brains in too?"

"No, I would feel better if you would acknowledge _why _they wanted to beat _my_ brains in." Rickie was seething at this point.

"What are you talking about?" Corey stares at him with a furrowed brow.

"So, that's how it's going to be? We're going to continue to pretend that you don't know I'm gay." Rickie shakes his head in annoyance.

"Would you keep your voice down; so what if you're gay?" Corey looked around as he said the words.

"Don't worry, Corey. It's really not a secret. Everyone knows that I'm gay. Everyone except you, apparently." Rickie points at him and it feels more like an accusation than a statement.

Corey's face reddened and he looked like he might throw up. "Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I'm going to class." Corey started to push past Rickie, but Rickie was unyielding.

"My problem is that I have no idea… I don't know how to be with you. You show up wherever I am, you hang out with me all the time, and then at school you completely ignore me. What is that about?"

"I'm not having this conversation." Corey answered mechanically.

"Oh, I think we are having this conversation or you can forget about having any other conversation with me ever again!" Rickie replied, eyes narrowed and nostrils flaring.

"Then I guess we won't be having any more conversations." Corey looked Rickie in the eye before stepping around him and walking away.

**xXx**

"So, who can tell me about the title of this book? What does it mean?" Mr. Katimsky looks out on a sea of disinterested faces. "How does Ellison use the metaphor of "invisibility" in the prologue?"

After a protracted silence, Rickie raises his hand. "Um, the author is saying that the main character is invisible to the rest of the world. Like, he can be seen, but at the same time he's not seen, because he doesn't fit with like, society or whatever."

"Very good, Enrique."

"Do you believe invisibility is an appropriate metaphor for the black experience?" He addresses the class.

"Not just the black experience. Lots of people feel invisible for lots of reasons." Brian responds.

"Sometimes it's not such a bad thing to be invisible." Rickie adds and then looks around self-consciously.

"Uh-huh. Um, anyone else? Thoughts?" Mr. Katimsky stands at the front of the class looking frustrated. "Gee whiz, people. Ellison's _Invisible Man_ is one of the great works of our time. You ah, must have, eh,_ some_ ideas. Do you think that…that invisibility in the, uh, context in which the author uses it, is always a uh, um, bad thing?" He glanced in Angela's direction, finding that she had nodded off and placed his hand on her shoulder as he walked down the aisle past her desk. "Come on people. Is it ah, too much to, ah expect you to keep up with the reading? That's, well, that's why we're here, right?"

Startled out of her sleep, Angela knocks her books off of her desk, calling the attention of her classmates. Beet red and flustered, Angela gets up and walks out of the room. Mr. Katimsky glances at Rickie who is glaring at him and suddenly remembers what they'd discussed previously regarding Angela's parents. He drops his head and sighs in frustration.

Sharon looks over at Jordan before she limps out behind her friend. "Angela? Angela, I can't go that fast. Wait." Sharon catches up to her. "Hey, what's wrong? What's going on?"

Angela sinks to the floor, looking defeated. "I just, I'm so out of it Sharon. I didn't even know we were supposed to read that stupid book. I tried to do my social studies assignment last night and I just kept reading the same sentence over and over until I finally gave up. Don't even start me on math. I feel like a freakin' zombie." She runs her hand through her hair and closes her eyes as she rests her head on the bank of lockers behind her.

Jordan approaches them and Sharon glares at him. "Well, it took you long enough." She barked.

"What?" He points to her books in his hand. "I was getting her stuff."

Sharon felt badly, but she still didn't believe that any good would come of this pairing, so rather than apologize, she decided that when he did eventually screw this up, the rancor behind her remark would apply.

Jordan knelt down next to Angela and passed his hand over her hair and down her back. "You wanna get out of here?" He asked her, getting a nod in response.

"Rickie will talk to Katimsky." Sharon offered. "I'll talk to Mr. Tanner and I'll get Brian to handle Ms. Lerner, she loves him."

"Thanks, Sharon. I just need to get out of here for awhile."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it and call you tonight, okay?" Angela nods before taking Jordan's hand and heading toward their locker.

**xXx**

_She looks so tired. She's a f*ckin' mess. When she walked out of class today, I thought she was finally gonna break, but she didn't. She just kinda got quiet. That's never a good thing with her. She gets all wrapped up in her head and then who knows what's gonna come out, like that time she convinced herself that I went down on her as part of some plan to get her to do it to me. What the f*ck? Where does she get this stuff? _

_The one good thing in all of this is that I don't really have time to think about my own sh*t. It killed me to go back there. F*ckin' killed me to get back under his thumb. I wish there was a way for me to like, just stay here. It's not much, but I don't really need much, so it's kinda perfect. No point in torturing myself over something I can't have. I just gotta avoid him when he's home and I'll be fine. Dom said he won't be around much anyway since he just got assigned to some big case, some joint task force thing with the FBI. Could keep him gone for weeks at a time. If it works out, I'll basically be home alone, like before. The timing is perfect too. He leaves for Italy on vacation at the beginning of July, he'll be gone for a month, and then he's on assignment indefinitely. Last time he got a case like this he was on for like six months. That would be sweet. _

_F*cker thinks he's making it so hard on me. 'You're such a man, you don't need anything from me, right? What did you say to me? I just need a place to rest my f*ckin' head? Well, that's what you got and that's all you got. Don't touch my sh*t, don't bring anyone into my house, and stay the f*ck outta my way.' I wasn't really sure what he meant until I opened the fridge and he flipped out. 'What the f*ck did I just tell you? If you want something to eat, you better go out and find it, because whatever's in there is mine.' F*ck him. Patty had already hooked me up with dinner, so it's not like I was starving. I wanted to laugh, but I figured that would probably start a fight or whatever. He's such a dick. _

He sits on the couch, finishing the last of his homework and occasionally glances over at the hammock, where he left her when she finally fell off to sleep earlier. He spends a few minutes plucking out an idea for a new song. The melody is sad and brooding. Eventually, he looks up and notices the time. It's only eight o'clock, but he decides he should call Patty in case they get back late.

"Hey. Let me talk to your mom." Jordan sighs. "Could you just put her on the phone?"

In the background he can hear an irritated Patty. "Danielle, who is that? Give me the phone right now."

"Hello? Jordan? You guys weren't here when I got home, is everything ok?" A worried look crosses Patty's face and although she hates to admit it, Danielle is suddenly worried about her sister. "No, don't wake her up. I don't think she's really slept since this whole thing happened. This has been really hard for..." Patty stops short, emotion threatening to overtake her. She takes a deep breath. "Whenever you get here is fine. She has her keys. Jordan, I'm glad she has you and thank you for calling me." Patty hangs up the phone, tears in her eyes and an ache in her chest. "Danielle, uh, please clean up in here. I-I'm going upstairs for a little while."

"Why do I have to do everything around here? Angela gets to sleep with Jordan Catalano and I get stuck doing her chores? Are you freakin' kidding me?"

"Danielle! Watch your mouth and stop being so selfish! Just do it!" Patty turns to leave the kitchen. As she reaches the stairs, she hears something shatter followed by a bellowing Danielle.

"I HATE IT HERE! I HATE THIS HOUSE!"

Patty returns to the kitchen to survey the damage, finding the remains of a shattered juice glass scattered about the floor and Danielle holding a plate over her head. "Don't you dare." Patty seethed.

Danielle cocks her head to one side and never taking her eyes off of Patty, releases the plate.

"Go up to your room before I say or do something we'll both regret!" Patty shouts.

"Whatever." Danielle glares at her mother and brushes past her on her way to the stairs.

Patty stands looking at the shards of glass and ruined porcelain. She kneels, picking up the broken pieces and cuts her finger on a sliver of glass. As the blood trickles from her finger, the tears begin to flow.

**xXx**

Jordan is working a few chords over and over and humming. He seems to be lost in thought, until he feels eyes on him and sees that Angela is awake.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"What's that you're playing?" She sits up and smoothes her hair and clothes.

"Nothing, I'm just messing around with this melody in my head."

"It sounds sad, but it's pretty. Are there words?"

"Not yet. Right now, I just have a couple of chords and some random notes in my head. It'll be awhile before it comes together." He sets the guitar aside and moves to join her on the hammock

"What time is it?"

"Like 11:30."

"Oh my God! I'm in so much trouble." She moved to stand up and look for her shoes, when Jordan reached for her and pulled her back down.

"Nah, I talked to your mom. She said it was okay."

"So, it doesn't matter what time I get home?" She looked at him questioningly.

He shook his head.

"Amazing." She marveled. "The way she gives you whatever you ask for…it's just amazing."

"Shut it. She didn't do it for me, she did it for you. She's worried about you…so am I." He added quietly, avoiding her eyes.

"I'm fine, Jordan. Really, I just needed to get some sleep. How long was I out?"

"About 6 hours."

"Oh my God. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep for so long. I didn't mean to fall asleep at all."

"Yeah, girls don't usually fall asleep when I'm kissing them." He teased.

"Afraid you're losing your touch?" She teased in return.

"You tell me." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. "Am I?" He smirked in response to her attempts to appear unaffected.

"Um, I think you need to practice some more. You're definitely rusty."

"You think the next like, 8 hours would be enough?"

"Barely. You should get right on it." She giggled.

xXx

It was Saturday morning and Rickie decided to skip his usual shopping trip, choosing instead to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.. He had no idea if Corey would show, but he had decided that he didn't want to chance a run in. He needed some time to think. _What if Corey was serious and we never speak again? I didn't mean for us to end up not even being friends. But then again, how can someone be your friend if you can't be you with them? If you're always worried about what they think of you, how can you be friends? If I learned one thing from Aaron it's not to hide who you are for anyone. If they can't deal, you don't need them. Still, I wondered if he showed. I wonder if he's even thought about me since yesterday. _

A knock at the door pulled Rickie from his thoughts.

"Come in." Rickie answered.

"No shopping today?" Jonathan asked from the door. "Are you okay?"

"Just not in the mood, I guess."

"Not in the mood?" Jonathan melodramatically clutched his chest, "Do you have a fever? Should I call the doctor?" He teased, pulling a chuckle out of Rickie.

"I know, shocking, right?"

"So what's going on, kiddo?"

"How did you do it? How did you survive high school?" Rickie asked, genuinely mystified at how anyone like him could have gotten through it in one piece.

"How does anyone? It's brutal, for everyone, or most everyone." Jonathan replied nonchalantly.

"Yeah, but it's worse for us. I watch Angela and Sharon, with their relationships and even Brian, who is like, socially impaired, and I wonder, why can't I have that? Why can't _I_ make a complete fool of myself in the plain light of day for the guy I like? Why can't he just freakin' admit that he even likes me? Then I realize that I don't even know if he likes me AND I don't even know if he ever could because I can't actually ask him if he's gay!" Rickie rants, arms flailing.

"Rickie, Honey, as much as I understand _exactly_ what you mean about it being that much harder for you because you're gay, trust me, up until that last point, you fairly accurately described the hell that is high school for everyone. Yes, it's definitely more difficult because you can't be as open about your feelings as everyone else is, but if this is about Corey, I can assure you, he likes you. Give him some time and consider the fact that he's probably feeling very much like you are right now."

"I doubt that."

"I'm sure you do, but I've seen the way he watches you and finds excuses to come over and Lord knows that if the number of hand painted items that have made their way into this house recently is any indication, the boy is more than a little smitten. Trust me, give him some time."

Rickie scoffs at Jonathan's advice, "Time, right. It's not like I don't have a ton of that." Sitting up, he sighs heavily before standing. "I just keep thinking, why do I have to be this way? It would be so much easier if I wasn't…"

"Who you are?" Jonathan finishes Rickie's thought.

"Or at least maybe if who I was wasn't so like, obvious."

Jonathan laughs humorlessly. "Well, it would certainly be easier to hide and deny, but that probably wouldn't feel any better than this does." Placing an arm around Rickie's shoulder Jonathan continues, "If it helps at all, college will more than make up for it. I promise."

Rickie looks at him skeptically and is met with a reassuring nod. "It gets easier. It really does."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Good, now go get ready."

"For what?" Rickie asks.

"The gayest meal of the day, of course." Jonathan quirks and eyebrow at him.

"Huh?"

"Brunch, Sweetie, brunch." He replies as he turns Rickie around, places his hand on Rickie's shoulders and shepherds him out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom.

Rickie shakes his head and chuckles.

"If you're ready in 15, I'll even let you drive." Jonathan smiles, knowing this is a sure fire way to lift Rickie's spirits.

"Fifteen? I'll be ready in ten."

xXx

"Shane, you've done such an amazing job with this yard. I can't believe it! You have a natural talent for this. I've been telling everyone at church about you, so I think you'll be getting a few more clients for the summer. Think you can handle that?"

"Yeah, I have room for a few more. Thanks Mrs. C."

"My pleasure. Here's what I owe you from last week and here's a little something extra for the work you did on the window boxes. I know you don't usually do that."

"You don't have to pay me for that. I had some left over flowers and figured they would look good there. It didn't cost anything."

"Listen to me, it cost you time and your time is worth something." Camille lectured.

He nodded and thanked her, the small self-satisfied smile on his face dropping when Sharon entered the kitchen. "I'll just be outside working on the roses." He mumbled before stepping out the front door.

"Hi Sweetheart. How are you this morning? You seem to have a little more color in your cheeks today."

"Yeah, it's the first time in weeks I didn't throw my guts up first thing in the morning."

"When you move into the second trimester, that tends to get better."

Sharon dropped her head, overwhelmed by the realization that she'd completed the first third of her pregnancy.

"What is it, Sweetie?" Camille asked, her voice laced with concern.

"I just so sorry, Mom. I really never meant for this to happen and now…I just."

Camille threw her arms around Sharon and rubbed circles on her back as she spoke.

"Stop apologizing. You made a mistake, but this baby, he or she is not a mistake, Sharon. Sure, I would have preferred you were older and married, but things happen and they happen for a reason. I know it's scary and not exactly what you thought you'd be doing at this age, but I'm here and your dad is here and we're going to help you through this, okay?"

Sharon wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

"I have to run down to the church. We have a planning meeting for this year's harvest carnival." Camille said as she dropped items into her handbag and gathered up papers from the kitchen table.

"Already?"

"It's our biggest fundraiser. There's so much to be done and we only have four months to get it all done. Do you want to come with?" She offered, hoping that Sharon would accept her invitation.

Sharon shrugged, "I think I'm just going to hang around here, watch TV, I guess."

"Okay, well, I should be back before too long."

Sharon watched her mother leave and got up to make herself something to eat. From the kitchen window, she could see Shane working on the rose bushes. He still wouldn't speak to her, not that she had tried to speak to him either. She'd spent the past two weeks replaying his words in her head and realized that everything he'd said was true; every word of it. She had been trying to cause herself to miscarry. She had done everything thing she could think of short of flinging herself down a flight of stairs and it's not like she hadn't contemplated it. If she had to be honest, the "fall" from the pyramid that caused her sprained ankle, was her version of a flight of stairs and but it hadn't worked. When she went to the doctor following the fall, she was sure he was going to say that he had bad news about the baby, but he didn't. Instead he said that it was a fighter and didn't seem to be adversely affected at all.

_A fighter_. She played those words in her head for days after that. The baby was a fighter and it was fighting against what she had been trying to do to it. It was fighting to survive her attempts to kill it. She was torn. Part of her thought herself a monster, trying to murder a defenseless baby, while the other part of her felt like it was only doing what was necessary to right a wrong. She shouldn't be pregnant in the first place. That wasn't supposed to happen, not to her. She was supposed to be captain of the cheerleading team and editor of the school paper and maybe class president, but she wasn't supposed to be someone's mother.

She climbed the stairs to go to the bathroom for what felt like the hundredth time since waking up that morning. As she turned to flush, she noticed that the liquid in the bowl was pink. _Pink? Why would my pee be pink?_ Then she realized what that pinkish tint meant. Something was wrong. _Is this it? A miscarriage?_ Oddly, she didn't feel relieved. She was terrified. Her mother was gone and she was home alone. She felt a slight cramp in her abdomen and when she checked, she found that she was spotting. _Oh my God! What do I do? Please God, I don't know what to do! _She went to down to the kitchen to find the number to the church. As she entered the kitchen, she was rocked by another cramp, much stronger than the first. She cried out as she reached for the counter to steady herself. That's when she remembered that Shane was outside.

"Shane!" She struggled to get to the door. "Shane, please!"

Hearing his name, Shane looked up to find her doubled over at the front door.

"I'm sorry." She apologized through tears. "You were right, okay? Just please. It hurts." She cried.

"I'm just gonna get the car. Don't move, okay? I'll be right back." Shane brought the car around and helped her in.

"I'm sorry, Shane. I didn't mean it. I should have listened to you." Sharon was sobbing.

Shane tried to stay calm, but internally he was a nervous wreck. She said she was bleeding, it wasn't much, but he was pretty sure that any amount of blood was a bad sign. Still, he couldn't have her becoming hysterical.

"Calm down, Sharon. We'll be at the hospital in a few minutes. You'll be fine. Just calm down."

"It's my fault!" He could hear the panic in her voice. "I did this!"

"Would you stop saying that. You didn't do anything."

"Yes I did. I tried to… I-I tried to kill it."

"No, you tried to make it go away because you're scared." He countered.

"I tried everything, Shane. I'm a horrible person. How could I have…I don't want it to go away. I don't."

"Okay, just calm down. You getting hysterical can't be good for the kid, right? So, just take it easy. Look, we're almost there. Just like, breathe or something, I don't know." He had no idea what else to say. _Didn't they always tell pregnant chicks to breathe? Isn'__t that what they're supposed to do? Wait. No, that's when they're having the baby. Oh sh*t. Isn't it too soon, I mean. F*ck! I have no idea what I'm doing. _

Shane pulled up out in front of the hospital, jumped out, and helped her to the front door. He told the nurse what was going on and turned to leave once she was placed into a wheelchair.

"Where are you going?" Sharon asked, her face reflecting the fear that gripped her. "You can't leave."

"Okay, but I can't leave the car there. I'll be right back." He said, reaching for the door handle.

"Don't leave, okay?" She begged and she suddenly looked very small and fragile to him.

"I'll be right back, Sharon. I'm not leaving." He assured her.

When he returned to the emergency room, he was met with an irritated looking nurse, holding a stack of forms.

"Young man, you and your girlfriend will need to-"

"She's not my girlfriend." He corrected her.

"Nevertheless, you'll need to help her fill these out. She's in no condition to do it herself." The woman shoved the clipboard at him and walked off in a huff.

"What the f*ck is her problem?" He asked, turning to Sharon, who looked she was in a daze. "Hey, relax. It's gonna be okay. Don't freak out on me."

"I'm scared, Shane. What if…what if it's gone?" She whispered.

"Then it's gone." He said very matter-of-factly.

"But it's my-" He cut her off before she could go down that path again.

"Look, when you were doing all that stuff to get rid of it, did it work?"

"No." She said, wringing her hands.

"And did you do anything recently to try and get rid of it."

"No." She said again.

"There you go. It's not your fault. Sh*t happens."

Sharon took a deep breath and reached over to take Shane's hand. He sat with her for a few minutes until he realized that he was rubbing tiny circles over her knuckles. He looked at their hands joined together and gently pulled away.

"You should, um try to reach your mom. She should probably be here." He suggested.

"I don't have the number to the church. Maybe Angela's mom could reach her? Can you call her for me?" Sharon gave him the number so he could call from the payphone on the far wall of the waiting room.

Shane took a seat across from her. "Angela's mom said she's on her way and she'll stop by the church to let your mom know what's going on." He informed her.

"Thanks. You're not going to leave, are you?"

"Um, I guess I'll wait until they get here."

The nurse who had spoken to them when they arrived came back for the paperwork, which had yet to be completed.

"Look lady, I can't fill that stuff out and she's a wreck. Just wait till her mom gets here and you'll get your paperwork, okay." Shane told the nurse.

"You can't fill out a basic form, how are you going to take care of a baby? All the same. Irresponsible with no regard for consequences." She huffed.

"Listen, I don't know what your beef is with me, but she doesn't need this sh*t right now. So, why don't you find something useful to do and when her mom gets here, you'll get your stupid f*cking paperwork, okay?"

"Shane." Sharon called to him. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. You're sitting there scared sh*tless and she's going off about us being irresponsible? F*ck her! She doesn't even know us."

"I see it every day." The nurse shook her head as she spoke. "Irresponsible, clueless kids and in the end it's the baby who suffers most."

"F*ck you, lady. You have no idea what her story is and you have no right to talk to either of us like that."

"If you don't calm down, I'm going to have to call security." The nurse threatened.

"Shane." Sharon pleaded. "Please, I don't want them to throw you out."

He stepped back and sat down next to her as he watched the nurse walk away. "B*tch." He muttered under his breath.

Sharon took his hand in hers and was soon drawing tiny circles on it just as he had done with her earlier.

"She's right." Sharon muttered.

"What?"

"She's right about me being irresponsible. If I had been responsible, I wouldn't even be pregnant to begin with and my baby wouldn't be fighting to stay alive." Her voice broke over her final words.

Shane turned to face her before responding. "So you're gonna listen to some dried up old hag because she has all the answers, right? Who the f*ck is responsible at 16? Hell, most of us wouldn't even exist if people were responsible."

"You know what I mean." Sharon choked out.

"What I know, is that you kept it when you didn't have to and even though you were sorta spazzing out a few weeks ago, you're sitting here right now, praying that the kid is okay and if he is, you're gonna do everything you can to keep him okay. That's, what the f*ck, I know." He pointed at the Nurse's Station and resumed his rant. "Don't listen to Nurse Ratchet over there, because she doesn't know sh*t!"

Sharon looked at Shane with gratitude that she couldn't find the words to express. She leaned over and kissed him chastely.

xXx

Rayanne slipped into the service entrance of the restaurant unnoticed. She crept up to the kitchen door, hoping that Hallie hadn't made it in as yet. Seeing the coast clear, she grabbed an apron off one of the pegs on the wall, washed her hands and got to work.

The front of the house was quiet as they hadn't opened for business as yet. Although there was a flurry of activity going on in the kitchen, Rayanne could clearly hear the conversation of two of the waitstaff standing just outside of the kitchen doors.

"_You know how it is in the beginning. All you wanna do if f*ck like rabbits." Rayanne heard a deep voice comment. _

"_Thanks, dickhead. Not a picture I really wanted in my head. Besides, they're shacked up, it's not like he doesn't have all night to hit it." A different voice snickered._

"_Wait, he's staying with her? I thought he was at his brother's place." The one with the deep voice said, sounding confused. _

"_The brother threw him out. Something about f*cking up the holidays or something. How don't you not know this? Everyone knows." Rayanne could hear an eye roll in other man's reply._

"_I don't know, maybe because I'm the only one in the place that actually works, while the rest of you assholes sit around and watch the two of them like it's f*cking Days of Our Lives or some sh*t." The one with the deep voice grumbled._

Rayanne didn't hear a word that was said after that.

_Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t. I didn't just hear that. Damnit! What am I supposed to do now? Damn you, Hallie, you really know how to f*ck things up. Do I tell her? What would I tell her? I mean, I heard two waiters gossiping. They didn't even mention any names. For all I know they could be talking about anyone. I don't actually have any facts. Yeah, because that's worked really well so far. That's why she's barely talking to me right now. If I tell her and it turns out that it's not even true, though, that would really upset her. Sh*t, I could really use a drink right now. This isn't supposed to happen. This is supposed to be my f*cking happy place. Think, think, think._

"Hey, it's me."

"Graf. What's wrong?" Brian asked, noting the desperation in her voice. "You didn't take a drink did you?"

"Okay, you really don't get how this works, do you? I'm supposed to call you _before_ I take a drink. Really, Krakow, you disappoint me. We've been over this."

"What's going on, Rayanne. You didn't call just to torture me, I'm sure."

"I have a question, well, really a dilemma. Sort of a moral dilemma."

"And you're calling me because…"

"You really suck at this, you know? Forget it. I'll figure out myself."

"Wait, wait. Just tell me. What's the problem, Graf?"

Rayanne took a breath before answering.

"What if- What if you heard something about someone who was like, important to you, but you like, had no evidence that what you heard was even true, but it could be true. Like, there's a really good chance that it is true and if turns out to be true and you didn't tell this person, they would like, hate you forever?"

"I think-" Brian begins to respond before he's cut off by Rayanne.

"See the thing is, if it's not true and you say something, then you've like, hurt the person for no good reason. Of course, even if it's true, I st-, I mean, you still don't know for sure that what you heard is even about the person you think it's about, but it really sounded like it was."

"You sh-" Brian was cut off once again.

"Look, if all you have is gossip, you don't really have anything, do you? And if you said something based on gossip, wouldn't you be just a guilty of gossiping and that's not something a friend would do. I mean, a friend wouldn't like, gossip about your situation, right? So, it's better not to say anything until you like, have all the facts, right?"

Brian refrained from answering, figuring that she wouldn't let him get it out anyway before she started again.

"Krakow?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't even know why I called you. You suck at this. I've really gotta rethink this sponsor thing. I gotta go."

**xXx**

**A/N: The next installment will fast forward a few weeks and it should be ready within the next two weeks, barring any insanity. Thanks for all the alerts, favorites, and reviews. Special thanks to Goodnight Girl, we're almost there now, aren't we? **


	34. Chapter 34

Jordan sits on the hood of his car, watching the buses as they pull in and drop off students. He's surrounded by his friends and it's like old times with everyone laughing and talking about what parties they went to over the weekend and what girls they slept with. Someone makes a joke, but Jordan doesn't notice. His attention is focused on the bus in front of him. He's waiting for Angela to arrive. He hasn't seen her since Friday night when he and the guys left for an out of town gig set up by the manager at Vertigo who hooked them up with an Ohio club owner who was tremendously impressed with their sound.

It pained him to go. The timing had been all wrong. It was the first time in months he'd been away from her for days at a time and though it had been several weeks, she was still dealing with her parents' break up. They'd gotten past all the tears, but the pain and anger were still pretty raw and now she was severely pissed off. Aside from his concern over her handling of her family situation was the fact that Angela never missed a gig, or more accurately, it had been forever since he'd played for an audience of which she was not a part. Even with her parent's break up and her sticking close to home lately, she still she never missed a gig. He was completely off kilter the whole weekend. He'd realized during this short separation that she had radically and permanently altered him. When he thought about anything, planned anything, central to his thinking was how it would affect her or them as a couple. He rarely thought about himself in the singular sense anymore.

When they'd spoken the night before, he told her that he'd be coming to school straight off the road. They'd had a late night show on Sunday and had planned to catch a few hours sleep before hitting the road early Monday morning, so it made the most sense to just head straight to school. She had agreed and told him that she would take the bus or get a ride from her mother.

_Relax, s__he'll be here soon. _

He was becoming increasingly angry with himself for not picking her up this morning, but he couldn't be sure what traffic would be like and he hadn't wanted to make her late. Now he was kicking himself. Just in the time that he'd been sitting there waiting for her, he could have driven to her house and picked her up in time to make homeroom. Nagging at him was also the fact that something in her voice the night before had sounded off. He'd asked her if she was okay and she'd said she was, but he knew something wasn't right. He'd shrugged it off to them being separated and her being perpetually angry at her dad.

_She's gonna be late anyway, I'm such an idiot. _

Someone cracks a joke about him being whipped, but Jordan ignores it. His attention was drawn elsewhere. Having seen Brian, he figured Angela was right behind him since they take the same bus, but when he saw Amy, he realized that they had driven in together. The last bus came in and there was still no sign of her.

_Patty'll probably drop her off. _

He really wanted to see her. It was like a physical need. On the way to homeroom, he stopped at their locker to leave her a note telling her to meet him by the bleachers third period. He caught a trace of her scent from the sweater she'd left in there and the ache to see her deepened. Had he been in the hallway alone, he would have lifted the sweater to his nose and breathed deeply, but the torture that would bring from his friends just wasn't worth it. He smiled to himself at just how whipped he really was and closed the locker door. Jordan sat through homeroom and first period, watching the clock. Midway through second period, he could have sworn that time was actually going backwards. The bell finally rang and he walked right past his third period class and out the door.

_Third period, she has geometry._ He smiles to himself. _ She hates geometry and she sucks at it._

He leaned up against the bleachers, waiting for her to meet him. He really missed seeing her, kissing her, the smell of her hair, like citrus and flowers.

_Jesus! Could I be more of a girl? I think I might have left my dick in Ohio. Man up, Catalano. _

He shook his head and sat back, smoking a cigarette. It had been almost 15 minutes since class started and she still hadn't shown.

_Maybe she has a test or something. _

They had Katimsky's next. He'd see her then. It was finally warm out, right on the brink of summer. He lay back with the sun on his face and took a little nap. He woke just as third period let out. Students were filing into Mr. Katimsky's English class one by one with Jordan at the head of the pack. Jordan had not arrived at class early since...he couldn't even remember when last he'd been early. He took his usual seat at the back of the class and waited. Class started but her seat remained empty.

_Okay, this is getting weird. __I'm__ in school and __she's__ cutting? Something's wrong._

When class ends Jordan grabs Brian's attention.

"Hey"

"Hi, I mean hey." Brian responds as he packs up to move to his next class.

"You seen Angela?" Jordan asks.

"No, not today." Brian answered, a look of concern crossing his face as he fought the urge to ask why exactly it was that she hadn't come in with him that morning.

"Listen, I'm gonna skip tutoring today. I'll catch you later"

"Bye. I mean, later."

Jordan headed for the parking lot. Shane called out after him, "Where you goin'?"

"Got something to do." Shane could see the distraction in Jordan's face.

"You comin' to the loft later?" Shane chuckled and shook his head. "Forget it, go get your girl. Later."

"Later."

**xXx**

Angela is sitting at the kitchen table, her eyes are red and swollen and she's still in her pajamas. There's a knock at the back door. She moves past the sink brimming with dishes to open the door. As soon as she sees Jordan her eyes well up. They say nothing to each other. He steps in and pulls her into his chest, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head in an effort to console her. Thinking of how she must look, she tries to smooth her hair and wipes her eyes.

"You okay?" He asks, his voice barely above a whisper. It reminds her of the way people talk to an injured animal.

"No, I'm not okay, like at all. I can't do this, Jordan. I can't." She shakes her head as she speaks. "It's all falling apart. I tried to, y'know, keep it together, but I can't. I'm just a kid, not some like, 40-year old housewife or whatever. What am I supposed to do? I can't take care of everyone. This is _his_ mess, why do _I_ have to clean it up?" Anger began to creep into her voice, replacing the helplessness that preceded it.

"Whoa, slow down, what happened?" He asked, his hand on her shoulders, softly stroking. He leads her over to the kitchen table, where they each take a seat.

"On Saturday, an envelope came in the mail and my mom completely fell apart. My father wants her to sell the house and give him his half of the money from the sale. Can you believe that? That bastard!" She took a deep breath and tried to level her voice before continuing. Sitting directly in front of her, he places his hands on the tops of her thighs and slowly rubs back and forth. Within seconds, Angela visibly relaxes and continues her account of the events of the weekend that have led them to this moment.

"My mom called her lawyer and he said that it's tactic to get her to give up her half of his share in the restaurant. According to the lawyer, nobody really expects her to sell the house; my father only did it to protect his business. Nevermind protecting your children, that's not important, but your restaurant, sure, do whatever you have to do to protect that." She says sarcastically. "So, on top of the fact that he has completely destroyed this family, now he's threatening to make us move so that he can keep his precious restaurant, which of course, means he gets to stay partners with that woman. The lawyer says it's how the game is played, like it really is just a game to everyone, only it's not. My mom got off the phone and all she did was cry, for like, hours. I didn't know what to do, so I called Sharon's mom. She's not functioning like, at all, Jordan. She just cries and cries. How did this happen?" Angela looks at Jordan as if the answer lay in his gorgeous blue eyes.

"Oh, and I forgot to mention…" she chuckled humorlessly, "they're living together now. Living together! Rickie told me. He found out from some waiters that the restaurant, because apparently _everyone_ knows. He quit and came straight here to tell me." She shook her head, closed her eyes and breathed deeply as Jordan continued to rub her legs. "I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't. I told Sharon's mom and she said she would handle it. This is going to kill her. Her whole life is turned upside down and he's just fine."

"Sharon's mom came by and they called Eric to let him know that my mom wouldn't be in for a few days. Eric knows everything and I guess he got concerned and started asking questions. When he heard what happened, he suggested that Camille take her to his lake house for a few days and he offered to check in on Danielle and me." She looked up at him, her eyes filled with such sadness that it pained him to look at her. "My mom… God, Jordan…I've never…" Her voice caught in her throat and fresh tears formed in her eyes, threatening to spill over, but never actually doing so. "I've never seen her like that." She choked back the tears and continued. "I knew she had to get out of here, so I told Camille that we would be fine and she should go. It's not like we've never been home alone for a weekend or whatever." She snickers at how naïve that thought seems now. "Saturday night, I got out of the shower and Danielle was gone. She didn't come back until after midnight. We got into a huge fight and I don't think I've really slept since, because I was afraid she would sneak out again. Yesterday, all she did was make mess after mess and refused to help clean it. Meanwhile, Eric was calling every few hours to check on us and I had to act like everything was okay so that he didn't come over or have my mom come back home. This morning, I made sure that Dani got on the bus, but I don't even know if she's actually at school or if she's gonna come home later. I'm done. I just can't do it anymore." The tears finally spilled over as she sits looking at him resolutely.

Jordan takes it all in for a minute and runs his hands through his hair.

"Why didn't you say something when I called you last night?"

Angela gets up and walks over the counter, putting some distance between them.

"Because there was nothing you could do." She hangs her head and her voice drops just a little. "I'm tired of crying in front of you and you must be tired of hearing it by now."

Jordan walks over to her and lifts her head so that he's looking into her eyes.

"I'm here, right?"

She nods and gives him a little smile. "Yeah, you're here."

He walks into the living room with Angela trailing behind. The living room is in no better shape than the kitchen. It looks like a tornado hit. Books, clothes, newspapers, dishes. Total disarray.

"I tried to clean up, but every time I got one thing handled, there was something else and I guess I never actually got anything done. I can't let my mom see the house like this." She runs her hand through her hair and looks completely overwhelmed.

He picks up some dishes and turns to carry them into the kitchen. "I got this; get dressed." She reaches to pick something up, in an effort to help and he stills her hand. "Ange, I got it."

She was somewhat relieved to have someone around to tell her what to do. She'd never admit it to her mom, but this experience had taught her that she just wasn't quite the adult she thought she was.

Jordan cleaned up the dishes and had just finished straightening up the living room when Angela came downstairs.

"You did all of this?" She asked in amazement.

"No big deal." He shrugged. "You ready?"

Angela could only nod in response. She was floored. She followed him out to the car and decided not to ask any more questions. She had been taking care of things all weekend and if he wanted to take care of her, she was going to let him do so.

**xXx**

"Hey Cassie." Jordan greeted the waitress as he led Angela into the diner.

"Hi Jay. How ya doin'? Two?" She smiled, her eyes on Angela the whole time.

Jordan nodded in response and they followed the waitress to a booth at the back of the restaurant.

"Usual for you?" Jordan nodded. "I'll give you a few minutes." She said to Angela.

Cassie returned with a pot of coffee and two cups. "What can I get you, Sweetie?" She asked Angela.

Angela placed her order and excused herself to the bathroom.

Cassie had known Jordan for awhile. He had crashed on her couch more than once over the years and she was sure that had he been a few years older, he'd have ended up in her bed a time or two as well. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried. She wasn't surprised to see him here in the middle of the day, knowing how much he hated school. He'd often say to her that he would probably just drop out and get a job. She'd been trying for the longest to keep him from quitting school; it seemed to be working. Now, she wondered if she had an ally in the girl with the bright red hair. He never brought girls into the diner, so she figured this one must be special.

"Shouldn't the two of you be in school?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Needed to take care of something." He said with a shrug.

"You _need_ to be in school." Cassie responded, pretending to be stern.

Jordan laughed. "Tomorrow, Cass. I promise. Okay? Now, can I get something to eat before I die of starvation?" He made a show of clutching his stomach.

"I'll be back in a few." She rolled her eyes dramatically, as she turned on her heel.

Angela slid back into the booth, just as Cassie walked away.

"She's really nice." Angela says, wanting to know more, but not daring to ask. She realized that she was getting an inside look at Jordan's life and she wasn't about to blow it.

"Yeah, Cassie's cool."

A few minutes later Cassie returned with food in hand.

"Cobb salad for the lady and strawberry pancakes for the gentleman."

"Strawberry pancakes? That's your usual?" Angela smiled.

"He says he comes in here to see me, but I know it's the pancakes. Can't get enough of them." Cassie winks and smiles at Angela. "I'll leave you to it."

"Why strawberry? Most people like blueberry pancakes."

"Hate 'em. The blueberries get all smashed and mushy." He shudders. "I like strawberries, so I figured strawberry pancakes would be good." He shrugged.

"I can see that you like strawberries." She giggled, eyeing his plate, upon which sat a stack of strawberry pancakes, topped with whipped cream, which was covered in strawberries. "You think you have enough of them there?"

He laughed, "That's just Cassie. She does that every time. I don't think I ever asked for it, but after the first time she did it, I was hooked."

He lifted a strawberry from the plate, ran it through the whipped cream and presented it to Angela. She was mesmerized by the way he watched her mouth as he placed the strawberry at her lips. She accepted his offer, her eyes never leaving his, his never leaving her mouth.

"Come here." He said huskily.

They met halfway over the table where he drew her top lip into his mouth cleaning away a trace of cream left there by the strawberry. "You had a little cream on your lip." He explained.

She sat back in her seat, breathless, Cobb salad long forgotten; her head filled with strawberries and whipped cream.

**xXx**

It had been a perfect day. After the diner, they went to a little park near his house, where they put the top down and lay across the back seat, enjoying the mild weather until she drifted off to sleep. She woke to a chuckling Jordan.

"This is becoming a habit. I'm gonna develop a, what d'ya call it? A complex." Jordan teased.

"Oh my God! I did it again? I'm sorry, Jordan." She covered her face with her hand in an effort to hide her embarrassment.

"You were tired, so you fell asleep. It's not a big deal. I fell asleep too."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Paul snores, like ridiculously loud, so none of us got much sleep this weekend. I probably shoulda just skipped altogether, y'know? Just like, sleep all day, but…"

"What?" She was sure he was going to say something about not wanting to be home because of Anthony and she could feel her anger rising.

"I missed you." He shrugged.

xXx

Later in the afternoon, they went back to Angela's house, where she made dinner and they enjoyed a heated make-out session while they waited for Danielle to get home. Surprisingly, Danielle made it home at a reasonable time. She ate dinner and went up to her room for the rest of the evening. Not sure what to make of it, Angela simply chose to be grateful that things would be more peaceful this evening than they had been the night before. Jordan and Angela wrapped themselves around each other on the couch, watching TV, and enjoying a lazy evening.

She lay curled into his side, listening to a sleeping Jordan breathe, lulled by the rise and fall of his chest while the TV droned on. As she continued to ruminate over the day's events, she realized how much she truly did love Jordan Catalano. She wanted him completely, to be part of him, in every way. She had always known that he was the one; there had never been a question about that. The only question was when it would happen. He had proven himself over and over again. He admitted his feelings for her and he had been beyond patient with her. Today changed everything. When he came looking for her, it made her realize how much she had become a part of his life and how important she was to him. To someone else, it may have meant nothing, but for Jordan Catalano, that was huge. Just then, the phone rang bringing her out of her head.

"Hi Camille."

"No, we're fine."

"Nope, the house is clean and I even did the laundry." _Of course, I had some help, but you don't need to know that._

"How is she?"

"How did she take it?"

"I think another day would be good for her. You don't need to rush."

"No, that's okay, I don't really want company and Sharon only just got off of bed rest. Tell her not to bother. I'll see her at school tomorrow.Dani's asleep and I'm probably going to go to bed soon too."

"Yeah, I'll make sure she gets to school in the morning."

"Okay, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow."

She hung up the phone and stood in the doorway to the living room, watching Jordan sleep. Normally, she would be overcome by his pure beauty, but today, she was struck by his compassion and his ability to handle all that she had thrown at him. She approached the couch slowly, sat down, and tried to fit herself back into his form, though it didn't feel quite the same as it had before she got up to take the call. She hated that, how you could be so completely comfortable and if you moved, just a smidgen you could never get back to that comfortable place again. He stirred a little, but didn't wake up. She turned into him slightly and placed her hand on his cheek; she kissed him softly and he began to awaken. She whispered to him in a tentative voice, "I love you."

He was disoriented, but knew that Angela was kissing him and saying something. As she kissed him, her hands covered more territory. This did not go unnoticed by Jordan, who was thoroughly confused by her actions. She stood up from the couch and took his hand, leading him to the stairs. Confused, though he was, he followed. She led him to her room and closed the door behind them.

"Show me what to do."

**A/N: Well people, you've been harassing me for a whole year about these two finally doing the do, looks like that's where this is headed. If you're happy to be one step closer to being put out of your misery, leave me a review on this chapter. The next one should be up in 2 weeks. Many thanks to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter. It was very much appreciated. Thanks to all of you who put this story or me, as an author, on your favorites list or on alert. Goodnight Girl, thanks for juggling real life responsibilities to accommodate my writing. You're the best!**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Decided to post a little earlier, figured no one would mind. Feel free to reward me with a little review love.**

"_Show me what to do." _

Jordan was at once thrilled and terrified. He didn't understand why he was nervous and scared. He hadn't even been nervous his first time. Excited, but not nervous.

"Are you sure? We don't have to do this. Today wasn't about this." He wanted her to know that he wasn't playing her. That he expected nothing from her. "I can wait."

"I can't." She took his hands in hers. "Show me."

As she kissed him slowly and softly, she could feel his body respond, spurring her on. She pulled his shirt up and over his head and placed tiny kisses on his chest, while he stood there, speechless and unmoving. She could hear his breathing becoming more labored and wondered why he wasn't reciprocating. Her insecurities began to creep in and she started to back away, until he pulled her back to him and kissed her deeply.

"I just need a minute, okay?" He told her. She watched as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

He'd imagined this moment at least a dozen times in the past week alone. He thought he would ravage her. He would leave her awestruck by his skill, but instead he just stood there trying to gain control of his body, terrified that he would mess this up.

_Just__breathe.__You__'__re__acting__like__a__fuckin__' __virgin.__Just__breathe__and__go__slow._

He took a deep breath before helping her off with her top, stopping to admire the beautiful lace beneath it. His fingers trailed over the tops of the cups, causing goose bumps to form on her skin and a tiny moan to escape her lips. His hands trailed down her sides and came to rest on her hips. The smooth skin along her collarbone called out to him and when he submitted, he was rewarded with Angela breathily moaning his name. Before long, he had undone the button of her jeans and slipped both his hands down the back, where he was met with bare skin. _F*ck!_Her pants fell to the floor and she toed off her socks as she stepped out of them. He took a moment to appreciate her in her matching bra and thong, tiny though they were. He had a passing though that bras and panties were like giftwrap. Pretty to look at but not really what you're after.

Angela found the slow pace agonizing. She didn't want to rush it, but between the pounding of her heart and growing ache down below, she was sure that she'd pass out before they got to the main event. He seemed to be more gentle than usual, like he was deliberately moving slowly. While she appreciated his concern, she had decided that she was ready and she wanted him, all of him, right now. She sat down on the edge of her bed, with him standing between her legs and reached out to unbuckle his belt. In doing so, she brushed over the front of his pants causing him to shudder. The position she was in evoked a mental image that nearly did him in.

He watched her as she pushed his jeans down his legs. It was usually at this point in the dream that he would wake up or realize that it was, in fact, a dream. He still couldn't believe it was real, that this was actually going to happen, and if it wasn't, he didn't want to wake up because this was the best dream ever. He watched her scoot back on the bed and sit back on her knees, before he knelt to meet her. She reached up to pull him to her, running her hands through his hair, causing his eyes to close briefly. He rested his forehead against hers.

"God, Angela. I want to…I just want it to be right for you, you know?"

"It couldn't be righter." She assured him

"We can't go back." He said, giving her an opportunity to back out, knowing that this would change everything. As much as he wanted this, the thought that she would regret it afterwards was terrifying.

"I don't want to wait anymore. Jordan, please..."

He slid the straps of her bra from her shoulders, unclasped it and tossed it aside. The light blush that had begun to creep down from her face made him smile as he traced the path of the blush to the pebbled tips of her breasts. The sounds she made were intoxicating. He lay down, pulling her up next to him on the bed so that they lay facing each other, their legs intertwined. Her breathing had picked up and he could see that she was becoming nervous; all of the confidence she'd demonstrated earlier quickly fading away.

As he made his way down to the soft skin of her belly, he'd begun a mental recitation of engine parts, hoping against hope to distract himself to some degree and prolong the experience. He hooked his thumbs under her thong and pulled it down and off. She was blushing again, which made him shake his head. He had seen every inch of her many times before and each time, she became embarrassed at her nakedness. He'd never considered innocence a turn-on before and he was sure it was something unique to Angela, but it never failed to stir him up. He managed to rid himself of his boxers in short order before returning to the business at hand.

Dom had told him that she needed to be relaxed and that he should make sure that she was satisfied before hand since she probably wouldn't enjoy it much the first time. He had every intention of doing just that. It had been some time since he'd first experienced her this way and more than once he'd wanted to do it again, but circumstances didn't allow. Tonight, they had the privacy and the time to do things exactly the way they wanted. He kissed and nipped and licked at sensitive skin of her inner thighs before reaching his destination. Warm and delicate, it was just as he remembered. He hadn't been prepared for her to come apart so quickly or so intensely. He made his way back up to the head of the bed and watched her as she tried to slow her breathing. He pulled her over to him, rolling her up on top of him and sat up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling him between her legs, trapped between both their bodies. He looked into her eyes, but she shied away, the intensity of his stare being too much. He turned her face back to his and kissed her lightly, but she deepened the kiss and began to move her hips against him until he stilled her movements and flipped them over so that he was lying on top of her, between her legs. He opened his mouth to say something until she placed a finger on his lips and smiled sweetly

"I'm sure."

They stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity to each of them. He had probably done this a hundred times since that first time, when he was 13 years old, but this was different, somehow; it was important and he wanted to get it right. He wanted it to be good for her. He wanted her to be happy afterwards.

She couldn't get over how gentle he was. She could barely feel his weight on her. He kissed her and told her that he would try not to hurt her. She didn't know how or when he had managed to place a condom under her pillow. She watched as he sheathed himself quickly and shortly thereafter, she felt the pressure.

_It doesn't hurt, exactly. It feels kind of good._

He stilled his body, struggling to maintain control. He was exactly where he'd wanted to be since the first time he kissed her. Instinct was trying to override rational thought. His body knew what it needed and it took every bit of self-restraint not to plunge in and satisfy that desire. Looking into her eyes helped. The love and trust he saw in them made him stronger, but the little movements born of her own desire turned what should have been a deep breath into a lusty groan. He pushed ahead, just a little and felt her body tense up in response.

_Okay, it's just a little burn. No big deal, you can handle it. Just breathe, don't scare him._

He could feel her body's natural resistance and the tension rolling off of her. He stilled again and took another breath before looking into her eyes for reassurance.

"I'm okay. Just go ahead. It'll be fine." She nodded slightly as she brushed his hair from his face and smiled at him.

It was nothing like he'd ever experienced before, so much more than he expected and completely overwhelming. It was somewhat painful to him and he had barely entered; he could only imagine what it must have been like for her. He lifted himself up slightly and reached down between them, hoping to distract her from any pain, by masking it with a little pleasure. He brushed over her most sensitive spot and lowered his head to her breast, licking and sucking gently. It took everything in him not to move, but he was determined to make this the best it could be for her. She started to move in response to his ministrations and he allowed her to control the pace. The feeling was nearly overwhelming. He thought he would explode before he was even fully enveloped by her, but he managed to keep it together as he inched forward a little at time. When he knew that she was close, he picked up the pace and just as she was she went over the edge, he let go and allowed himself to be joined with her completely. It was amazing. The way she felt as she came undone. The way her body held him perfectly, like she was made for him. He remained completely still, allowing both of them to adjust.

"Are you okay?" He asked her.

She nodded, too full of emotion to say anything. He could see the tears in her eyes and felt the emotion building in his own chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him in for a kiss. As she kissed him, she began to move slowly. Soon, his movements became frenetic and his breathing ragged. The expletives that would normally spew from his mouth at this point seemed wrong and he fought to keep himself from speaking them. He felt the familiar churning in his stomach and the tingling that crept up his body starting at his toes, his body wound so tight, it felt like something would break.

"Ah, Angela…Mmmm. It's too…too much. I can't…" He bit his lip to keep from cursing, before a guttural sound escaped him.

Suddenly, he seemed to die in her arms. He came back to life with a kiss on her lips, the softest kiss she'd ever felt. He rolled onto his side, and when he turned back towards her, she was surprised to find the condom gone. Here they were, once again, face to face, breathing hard and drinking each other in. He held her and said nothing. They stayed that way for some time, quiet and content in each other's arms.

Looking at the ceiling, only half-believing what had just happened, hoping that she was as happy about this turn of events as he was, Jordan was the first to speak.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Mm-hmm." She hummed.

She was too quiet and something in her response didn't sit well with him.

"Does it…hurt?" He asked tentatively.

"It's not bad, just a little uncomfortable, but it didn't really hurt that much." She hesitated. "It was… Um, did you…"

"What?" He could hear fear in her voice and his defenses went up, wondering if she was afraid to tell him that she hated it and didn't want to do it again. "Just say it."

"Was it…okay?"

"You're kidding, right?" He looked down at her, but she wouldn't meet his gaze. "Angela, c'mon, you're not seriously asking me that." She didn't respond. "No, it wasn't okay. It was f*cking amazing." He kissed her and she giggled.

"Really?" Surprise evident in her voice.

"I know it wasn't like that for you, but it'll get better." He smiled a wicked smile, "It's gonna take some practice though."

"I'm sure." She said suppressing a laugh. "Lots of practice."

"Mmmhmm." He hummed as he kissed her behind the ear. "Lots."

Recognizing that she was probably too sore to do more than a little fooling around, he reigned in his growing desire and contented himself with just holding a naked Angela in his arms. They had fallen into a comfortable silence when he turned her to face him. The moonlight streaming through her window made it possible for him to see every feature of her face.

"What?" She asked, seeing something serious in his face.

"I never said it the way I should have."

"Said what?"

He studied her face for a moment, sweeping stray hairs from her cheek and tucking them behind her ear.

"I love you." He stared into her eyes, never wavering. They were the truest words he'd ever spoken.

"I know." She smiled at him with glistening eyes. "I love you too."

**xXx**

She woke up at 5:00 am, a little startled at her nakedness and the feeling of his arm around her. Then she remembered and smiled.

_I'm not a virgin anymore. I had sex. No, I made love with Jordan Catalano. _

The smile on her face could have lit up Broadway. The weight of his arm around her and the warmth of his skin against hers made her feel secure and safe. She burrowed in a little deeper, loving the feel of his bare chest pressed against her naked back. She wished they didn't have to go to school or answer to parents or leave the comfort of her bed ever again. The outside world would barge it's way in when her alarm clock went off in an hour, but she fully intended to enjoy this newfound intimacy until the demands of the world forced her from her bed. That's when she remembered that they weren't completely alone.

_Danielle! _

How was she going to keep this from Danielle? She had to get him out of there. She eased out of the bed, careful not to disturb him, and grabbed the first thing she could find, which happened to be his shirt. She walked down to Danielle's room and peeked in.

_Still asleep. Perfect._

Back in her room, Jordan had stirred, not feeling her warmth next to him. He got up and threw on his pants, but couldn't find his shirt. Just as he was about to look under the bed, Angela came in.

"I'm sorry, but you have to go…like, now…before my sister gets up…Oh my God, before Brian wakes up. If he sees you leaving here, I'm dead."

"No worries." He replied with a smirk, "Brain might have some company of his own."

She thought to herself, Brian and Jordan had the weirdest relationship. She was vaguely aware that Jordan had been "tutoring" Brian, so to speak. It was like one of those SAT analogies; Brian was with girls, as Jordan was with school and vice versa. Angela found it all a little disturbing. She couldn't imagine Brian doing what they had just done_._

_But__then__again,__he__did__write__that__letter.__Stop__it!__I__will__not__let__Brian__Krakow__creep__into__this__moment_.

She felt bad for throwing Jordan out first thing in the morning, especially after their first time together, but she didn't want anything to prevent her and Jordan from having more nights like this and Danielle finding them together would virtually ensure that they'd never see each other again. He was holding her now and he could feel the tension rolling off of her.

He kissed the top of her head and chuckled. "Relax, I'm goin'. I'll be back in like, around 7, ok?" She nodded and he kissed her, not caring about morning breath or the sleep in their eyes. He headed toward the bedroom door, but turned back before reaching for the handle. "Um, I should probably wear a shirt, you know, if I'm gonna leave." He quirked an eyebrow at her standing there still in his shirt.

She looked down at herself and shook her head. Before she could grab the hem of the shirt, he lifted it off of her and took a moment to admire her nakedness. She reached for her own shirt, but he stopped her and pulled her to him; bare chest to bare chest. He kissed her once more and walked out the door.

**A/N: Okay people. I have given you what you wanted; now I want what I want. What's that, you ask? Reviews of course. Lots and lots of reviews. Seriously, they're majorly addictive and I'm sort of in withdrawal right now. Quid pro quo, folks. **

**Many thanks to all of you who have been reading, those of you who have favorited or alerted, and of course, all of you who have reviewed. A special thanks to RedCatCatalano, you know why. Last, but not least, GoodnightGirl. It's finally up, Baby! Thanks for working through it with me. It's like we've been in protracted labor for the last, almost 3 years, working up to this. You're the best Lamaze coach ever! **

**The wait may have been painful for you guys, but it was so much worse for us, since the basis for this chapter was written more than three years ago, right behind the chapter with Angela catching Graham and Hallie. It wasn't complete, but the bones have been in place for all that time, while the rest of the story was playing out. Each chapter has put us one step closer and now, she's finally done it. What will happen next? Stick around and find out. We'll see most of the other characters in the next chapter. 'Til then…**


	36. Chapter 36

_I can still smell him on me. _

She smiled as she thought about how gentle he had been and how he deliberately and purposefully declared his love for her. She was still wrapped up in these thoughts when a searing heat took hold of her nether regions causing her to yelp. She had been wholly unprepared for the soreness and irritation that would follow the evening's activities.

_Oh my God! How long is that going to go on? Note to self: don't drink anything, at all, ever again, if it means that it'll make me pee._

She wiped herself, noting the spots of blood that confirmed her new status.

_I wonder if I look different?_

With that thought, she inspected herself in the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door, remembering a conversation she'd had with Sharon months earlier.

_I don't think I look different. I wonder if my mom will be able to tell? _

As she adjusted the water, she lamented the fact that the shower would wash away his scent, but that thought was quickly replaced with thoughts about her next opportunity to be covered in it again.

_He said it was 'amazing.' Amazing! Actually, he said 'f*cking amazing' and that's even more amazing, isn't it?_

Her smile was a mile wide as she began to laugh to herself. When she thought about everything that happened the previous night, the familiar tingle down below would develop and she couldn't wait to be with him again. She hoped what he said was true and it would be better, the more they did it. She couldn't honestly say that she had enjoyed the act itself, although he'd certainly made sure that she was as satisfied as he was by the time they were through. The act itself was uncomfortable, but the intimacy of holding another person inside your own body, _that_ was the part that she liked. She and Jordan had been as physically close as one person could be to another and no matter what happened in the future, who else she was with, who she settled down with years from now, Jordan Catalano would always be her first. She wondered if he would be the only man she'd ever be with in her whole life. She thought about her parents and how after nearly twenty years, her father was now sleeping with someone else. She also remembered how Sharon had complained about Kyle and how once they'd done it, it didn't matter anymore if she wanted to do it or not, but Angela could not imagine ever feeling that way about Jordan, nor could she imagine Jordan being anything less than considerate of her feelings. The way he looked at her during brought tears to her eyes even now.

"F*cking amazing!" She laughed again, her voice choked with emotion.

A knock came at the door.

"Hurry up! I have to use the bathroom. You've been in there forever!"

"I'll be out in a minute!"

_Back to reality_

**xXx**

Brian stood at his bedroom window. He had just awakened and happened to look out the window when he saw the distinctive red car pull out of the Chase's driveway. A knot quickly formed in his stomach.

_She__did__it__…__with__him.__She__finally__did__it._

He thought he was over her, but this morning proved to him that some remnant of those once overwhelming feelings lingered. He believed that his relationship with Amy had displaced some of the longing he had for Angela, but he knew now that it would take much more than what he had with Amy to change the way he felt about Angela Chase. The reality that she had been intimate with Jordan made him feel physically ill and a wave of depression swept over him, followed by anger and disgust.

_I__can__'__t__believe__she__just__gave__herself__to__him.__Just__like__that?__Doesn__'__t__she__even__care__that__everyone__on__the__block__could__see__that__the__car__had__been__there__all__night?__Doesn__'__t__she__care__that__they__'__ll__all__know?__What__did__I__expect;__look__at__who__she__hangs__out__with,__the__girl__voted__ "__most__slut__potential,__" __and__a__teenaged__mom._

Seeing Jordan leave Angela's house in the predawn hour made him think about his first time, just a few weeks earlier and he was immediately contrite, his righteous indignation squelched by the realization of his hypocrisy.

_They didn't do anything worse than we did, I guess._

He and Amy were studying, like they always did, but instead of being focused on chemistry, he was thinking about his earlier conversation with Jordan during tutoring.

He'd wanted to know how you approach the "moment." Jordan had told him to stop thinking so much and let his body take over. He'd never thought of it that way. Jordan assured him that he would know exactly what to do when the moment came.

That afternoon, Brian asked Amy if she wanted a drink. After that, he wanted to know if she needed her pencil sharpened. Then he asked what time she had to be home and finally, when she couldn't take it anymore she walked over to him and kissed him in a way she never had before. She unbuttoned his shirt and before he knew it they were naked, breathless, and exhausted on his parent's couch. He was shocked to find that Jordan had been completely right about the body knowing what to do. It was as though he had been watching from the outside, like he was on autopilot. It was the most primal thing he'd ever felt in his life. The drive to be with Amy like that was incredibly strong and nearly undeniable. He feared that his grades would drop because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his mind to override his body in her presence. It made him queasy to imagine Angela with Jordan that way, panting and groaning.

The fact that his parents were never home made it so easy for he and Amy to be together whenever they wanted. He imagined this would not be the case for Angela and Jordan and he wondered if, like Rayanne, she would do it in his car. The thought was too much to bear, so he shook it from his mind. He went about the rest of the morning distracted and irritable, snapping at his mother during breakfast and Amy, on the ride to school.

_Please God, just let me get through the day without having to see them together._

**xXx**

All the way home, Jordan had a goofy smile on his face. He could smell her on his shirt and on his skin. It was a good thing that there was no one else on the street at this time of the morning, because his mind was definitely not on driving.

_I was her first. The first one to ever make her moan my name, the first one to make her come, the first one to ever be inside her. The first._

He was still smiling when a disturbing thought entered his head. First meant that there would be more, others. He found this thought far to painful to even consider.

_Maybe, I'll be her only._

That thought disturbed him even more on some level, not because he had never thought about them being together forever, being married or living together, but because he had thought of it often and each time he did, he questioned forever, because he'd never actually seen a forever. Patty and Graham might have been the model for that, but now, seeing their relationship shattered, he was back to wondering about forever. He chose to ignore those thoughts and dwell on their night together.

It was a first of sorts for him too. It was the first time he'd had sex with someone he loved. The first time he'd really considered the consequences of what he was doing. The first time he'd ever been afraid of what came next. The first time he'd ever said 'I love you' to anyone. There would never be another first time for them and he finally realized what a privilege it was, that she had chosen him to be her first. It would be even better the next time, which he hoped wouldn't be too far off into the future. He had been so afraid that she would hate it and would never want to try again, but she seemed happy. He knew once she recovered, they'd be fine.

Jordan pulled up in front of his house, noting that Anthony's car was in the driveway. He prayed that his luck would hold out and his father would be asleep. Thankfully, Anthony's door was closed and the house was silent. He grabbed a change of clothes and got into the shower, closing his eyes as he stepped under the stream of water and allowed it wash over his head, and watching scenes from the previous night play out behind his closed lids. He couldn't get over the look on her face when they were first joined together. Even now, when he thought of it, his heart rate sped up and his chest became tight with emotion.

When he told her that it was amazing, he had found the word lacking, but it was the best he could come up with. In truth, it was nothing like anything he'd ever experience with any girl before. The physical part of it was beyond anything he had imagined, but the thing that had gotten to him was the surge of emotions he had felt when he entered her and looked into her glistening eyes. The trust and love that was reflected back at him was something he'd never seen in the eyes of anyone else. It was so pure, so complete and it was exactly what he felt for her. He knew that opportunities to spend the night with her that way would be few and far between and it saddened him. He wanted every night to be like that. He wanted to go to sleep with her next to him and wake up the same way. He finally understood why sex was such a big deal to her, because sex between them was a big deal, it was a very big deal.

The memory of her whole "sex is a big deal" rant following their break up, reminded him of the house on Cloverdale and the night he'd taken her there. The comparison between what would have happened there and what had just happened between them was night and day. When he thought about the nasty mattresses that countless couples had used, it made him feel sick. The thought that a houseful of people would have been privy to what was going on in whatever room they would have occupied that night felt so wrong. He thought about how he had called her 'abnormal' and his heart sank.

_I didn't know. I had no idea that it could be so different. _

Jordan emerged from the bathroom deep in thought. He hadn't even noticed that Anthony's bedroom door was now open until the smell of coffee hit him. He gathered his things and made ready to leave and head back to Angela's. As he descended the stairs, prepared to avoid the kitchen and exit through the front door, he caught sight of Anthony, seated in the living room, paper and coffee in hand.

"Hey." Jordan made an attempt at civility, which was met with a smirk. He shrugged and headed for the door.

"Must have been some piece of ass. You came in here like you had seen God." Anthony taunted.

Jordan stopped dead in his tracks.

"I'm just saying, I walked around like that for days after banging your mother and look where that got me." Anthony snickered. "Some friendly advice, don't get got." He laughed. "Some of them are better than others, but pussy is pussy, plain and simple."

Rather than respond, Jordan took a deep breath and kept walking, like he'd heard nothing.

**xXx**

"Danielle! Hurry up!"

"Shut up! I'll be down in a minute. You're not Mom y'know." She spat, trudging down the stairs dragging her backpack behind her. "By the way, does she plan on coming home? I can't live like this..._with__you_."

"Believe me, the feeling's mutual. She should be back when you get home from school." Angela replied, walking back into the kitchen, just as Jordan knocked at the back door.

"Hey." He says looking at Angela who's looking back at him, a blush forming over her cheeks.

Danielle rolls her eyes at the lovesick look on both their faces.

"Hey. I made breakfast."

"I could eat." He replied in a husky voice, images of the night before still playing in his head.

"Have a seat." Angela motioned to the table before turning back to the stove to fill a plate with eggs and bacon and placing it in front of him. "Sorry, no strawberry pancakes," She whispered, "but strawberries are _definitely_ on the shopping list." She smiled brightly.

"Oh my God! Can you two like, just get a room already?" Danielle groaned.

"Shut up!" Angela snapped. "Eat something and leave, please." She said to her sister, eyes narrowed.

Jordan choked back a laugh, figuring that Angela wouldn't appreciate his amusement.

Danielle made herself a plate and sat down to eat, all the while watching the interaction between Angela and Jordan. She found them even more sickening than usual, causing several more eye rolls.

"Are you done yet?" Angela asked.

"Yeah, I'm done. I'm done watching the two of you making goo-goo eyes at each other. It's disgusting." Danielle reached into her backpack and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She extended her hand towards Jordan, offering him one, but is met with a blank stare.

"Don't even think about it. Just because Mom's gone doesn't mean you can start using your pathetic attempts to get attention on me." Angela says, matter-of-factly.

"She's really bossy. How do you deal with that?" Danielle directed her question to Jordan who was just trying to get through breakfast.

"Get out, Danielle. Now! Go stand at the bus stop and smoke your stupid cigarettes, I don't care. Just get out!" Angela yelled.

"Why? So you two can play house some more?" Danielle smirked.

"That's it!" Angela reaches for Danielle, but is met with Jordan's arm as he places himself between the two girls.

"Go, Danielle." He says, holding Angela back. Danielle slips out of the back door and down the driveway.

"And I'm telling Mom that he spent the night!" She yells toward the house.

"You little-" Jordan pulls Angela back into the house and closes the door before she can fully respond.

"Calm down. She's just trying to piss you off." He chuckled.

"Yeah, well it's working. I swear, I'm gonna hurt her." Angela stands with her fists balled at her side. She raises her eyes to be met with a smirking Jordan.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, placed his lips close to her ear and spoke softly, "You're just mad because it's true."

She knew, somewhere in the back of her mind that she should be mortified, but his breath on the shell of her ear, combined with his silky voice, caused her to whimper and she found her hands traveling up under his shirt of their own accord.

_Oh God, I can feel him._

He felt her breathing pick up and like a hunter cornering his prey, he went in for the kill.

"It is true, isn't it?" He taunted her, talking into the crook of her neck as he made his way to her collarbone, ghosting his lips over her skin.

"Mmmm." She moaned appreciatively.

"That wasn't an answer." He whispered as he backed her up against the wall and pushed against her.

"Uh-huh." She said breathlessly, her eyes closed.

"Say it." He demanded.

"It's true." She complied.

"I think we should work in a little practice before we leave." He suggested and they headed upstairs.

**xXx**

"Heard you quit."

"Hi, Rayanne. I'm having a lovely morning, yourself?" Ricky replied with a toothy, albeit fake, smile.

"Heard you quit." She repeated.

"Yes, I quit."

"Why?"

Rickie stopped what he was doing to look directly at her. "I can't be part of that."

"Um, do you plan on being their houseboy or something?"

"It's wrong, Rayanne." His tone becoming a bit more insistent.

"They're divorced."

"Not quite, and he's living with the woman he cheated on his wife with." He explained.

"Let's start over. How is this our business?" Rayanne asked, head tilted to the side.

"She's our friend." Came the matter-of-fact response. Rayanne did not miss the silent accusation contained therein.

"And our poverty is her gain, how?" Rayanne persisted.

"What poverty, you don't even get paid!" Rickie was fast approaching his limit.

"Okay, _your_ poverty is her gain, how?"

"I'm not in poverty."

"Rickie, c'mon, how does you quitting change anything?"

"I can't be there with Mr. Chase and Hallie, knowing how all of this happened." He pleaded.

"The past is the past. They're moving on." Rayanne's tone was all business. He'd seen it before. It's where she retreated to when she didn't know what to do. He was pleading with her to understand his position, but she wanted to deal only in black and white, because if she thought about the grey too much, she'd have to admit that he had done the right thing and where would that leave her?

"You really don't get it, do you?" Rickie said in exasperation.

"I get that you don't approve of Mr. C's living arrangements, Father Vasquez. What I don't get is how it's any of your business _where_ he lives."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. Angela will be here soon and you better not say anything about anything in front of her." He warned.

"You seem to forget that she's not really talking to me right now." Rayanne said, coolly.

"And why is that?" Rickie asked pointedly.

He knew that she had known about Graham's living arrangements for some time and he knew that she had kept that knowledge to herself. He was angry and felt betrayed for Angela, but he also knew how much the job meant to Rayanne and how good it had been for her in maintaining her sobriety. As was usual in his dealings with Rayanne, he was conflicted, wanting what was best for her, but hating that it almost always came at the expense of others.

Rayanne sighs heavily.

"Look Rickie, it's a messed up situation, it is. I can't say it's not, but I didn't have anything to do with those two getting together and neither did you."

"She's our friend."

"You say that like I ride the short bus or something. I know that. In fact, she was my friend first, if you remember. You would never have started hanging out with her if not for me."

"Rayanne, I'm not saying you have to quit. I'm just saying I do. I can't be there and watch them together and then look her in the face."

Rayanne and Rickie stare at each other for a few seconds before Rayanne slumps against the locker in resignation.

"I know. It's just that, I can't leave." Rayanne looks up at him. "I've been sober for like, months, except for that one drink on Mother's Day, but I earned that one." She shakes her head. "Rickie, I can't leave."

Rickie's heart breaks for her. Behind the tough façade, her turmoil is apparent, at least, it is to him. Most people never look beyond the surface with Rayanne. He and Angela were the exceptions and he prayed that Angela could get past this, realizing that Rayanne's place at the restaurant was the tenuous thread by which she held fast to her sobriety. He didn't want to think about what life would be like if she went back to the non-stop partying and random hookups. Looking at her now and seeing how far she had come from nearly od'ing, he resolved to speak with Angela in an effort to mend the rift that had formed when "_the__Hallie__incident__"_ occurred.

"She knows that they're living together." He said flatly.

"You told her? Why would you tell her that?"

"She should know."

"Why? It's just going to hurt her."

"Better she should hear it from a friend than a stranger or worse."

Rickie is met with another resigned sigh from Rayanne.

"I guess. Hey, you think they have cough medicine in the Nurse's office?"

"Don't even think about it Graf." Rickie warns.

"Just kidding, jeez."

Seconds later, Rickie sees Angela and Jordan enter the building.

"She's taking it better than I thought she would." He observes. "She looks so happy. Not like, smiley happy, content happy."

Rayanne looks over at them, together and narrows her eyes. "So, you know they've ummed."

"Rayanne! Stop spreading rumors."

"_Look,__the__paparazzi!_" Rayanne feigns panic. "You're the only one who talks to me." She rolls her eyes. "Relax, Vasquez, I'm serious. Look at her; she's not our little Angelika anymore."

"How do you know that? You can't, like, know that."

"Oh, trust me I know." She smirks. "Wow, look at that." Rayanne mumbles.

"What?"

"He is totally gone." A sense of awe is evident in her speech.

"Who?"

"Catalano. Whatever she did to him, it took. He's damn near domesticated."

**xXx**

Shane and Paul walk up to Jordan and Angela at their locker.

"Dude, you cancelled practice. I went all the way over there for nothing. I coulda been with Kimmie, making up for the weekend. I mean we did anyway, but we coulda had another round or two." Paul waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah, I had something to do." Jordan replies flatly.

"Bro, some_thing_or some_one_?" Paul snickered and looked at Angela, who didn't quite know what to do, so she turned her head to avoid their gaze.

Jordan glared at Paul.

"Not cool dude." Shane said as he elbowed Paul.

Now, both Jordan and Shane are glaring at him.

"Sorry." Paul says, his hands up in mock surrender.

Jordan turns back towards the open locker, "Later Paul." Effectively dismissing him.

Shane watches Paul leave and Jordan clenching his jaw. "So, everything good?" He asks, partially to distract Jordan from Paul's unwelcomed comment, and partially because he knew Jordan had been concerned about Angela all weekend.

"Yeah." Jordan responds, offering nothing more.

"Ok, whatever, practice tonight, right?" Shane asked.

Jordan looked at Angela before responding. "Let me catch up with you later," suggesting that the conversation was now over. Shane looks at Angela and nods.

"Yeah, no problem. Later."

"You don't want to go to practice tonight?" Angela asked.

"We just got back from a whole weekend of gigs. Missing two days of practice won't make a difference."

Jordan closed the locker, turned to her, and kissed her. He didn't mean to deepen the kiss, but when his lips touched hers, he was reminded of her moaning his name earlier and he got carried away. He pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. "Sorry."

"Don't be." She answered.

"I'll see you in Katimsky's." She nodded.

They kissed once more and lingered staring into each other's eyes until the final bell rang.

xXx

Sharon was fixing her hair in the girl's bathroom when Rayanne walked in and began checking the stalls. "What?" She asked in regard to Rayanne's strange behavior

"Seen Angela yet?" She asked excitedly.

"No, and why are you so freakin' giddy?" Sharon grumbled.

"She's crossed over."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Graf. Crossed over what?"

"She's one of us now."

"Okay, that did not help at all. What are you so excited about?"

"Her and Catalano." Rayanne replied.

"Duh, that's been going on for some time now. And, I might add, it's not something to be excited about. Are you on something?"

"Duh squared, I mean her...and...Catalano." She gave Sharon a knowing look.

"Ohmygo...wha...how did..."

"Pick a sentence and go with it." Rayanne quipped.

"Wait. Did she tell you this Graf, or is the product of your pickled brain?"

"I haven't been pickled," she said, looking a little forlorn, "in any sense of the word, for awhile. Anyway, Angela, on the other hand, clearly has."

"Whatever, I don't believe you."

Angela walks in just as Sharon disregards Rayanne's report.

"Ask her."

Angela eyes Rayanne suspiciously. "Ask me what?"

"I gotta go meet Tino." Rayanne gives Angela a wicked smile and a thumbs up.

"Nothing. How ya doin', Chase Face? Rough weekend, you okay?" Sharon looks at her sympathetically.

"Yeah, things are better. I'm worried about my mom. I really hate my father for this." Angela responds, trying not to get emotional.

Of course, while Sharon sincerely cared what happened to this family, she was somewhat disinterested in the whole divorce thing, wanting to know if what Rayanne had said was true.

"I would have come over this weekend, but my dad is useless without my mom and he'd have starved to death if I didn't take care of him." She rolled her eyes.

"It's okay. You shouldn't be doing too much anyway. I'm surprised they let you come back to school and everything, after the hospital and stuff."

"I couldn't stay home another day. I was going stir crazy. Staying home is one thing, but bed rest? That's insane. I was only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom the first week and then I was only allowed limited walking after that. The only person I've seen in weeks, besides you, is Shane and that's only because he brings my homework over, since he's working on our yard and stuff. The doctor said I was lucky; some women have to be on bed rest for the whole pregnancy. Can you imagine?" Sharon shuddered dramatically. "Anyway, if it wasn't for my dad, I totally would have been there to keep you company."

"It was fine, I managed. Jordan came over yesterday and helped me get the house cleaned up and stuff."

Seeing the perfect opportunity to segue into the discussion she really wanted to have, Sharon proceeded. "So, how _are_ things with you and Jordan?"

"We're fine." Angela thought the timing of the question was odd, especially paired with Rayanne's peculiar behavior. She had already decided that she didn't want to share this part of her life with anyone just yet. It felt good for her to share something with Jordan that was theirs and theirs alone. "We'd better go. If I miss another one of Katimsky's classes, his head'll pop off."

Angela enters the classroom and takes her seat. Jordan hasn't arrived yet. On the other side of the door, she could see Brian talking to Amy. She was happy for him and the fact that he'd found someone. They hadn't talked much lately and it surprised her, but she actually missed him. She never thought there would be a day when she would miss him showing up at her door rambling about random school supplies that she had supposedly borrowed months earlier

It was funny how Jordan saw more of her neighbor these days than she did. If anyone had told her a year ago that Jordan Catalano and Brian Krakow would become friends she would have died laughing. The two of them had had quite an effect on one another. Jordan actually didhomework and even studied for exams. It wasn't uncommon to find him sitting in her kitchen or living room doing his homework and even when she would try to distract him, he'd usually be the one to get them refocused. Brian, for his part, came back from spring break with a haircut that made him almost cute and then there was that comment that Jordan had made earlier, suggesting that Brian and Amy were sleeping together. She suddenly realized that Jordan was Brian's Rayanne.

_Weird._

Jordan walked in, smiled at her and went to the back of the class. Mr. Katimsky started talking, but she didn't hear a word of it. Jordan was all she could think about. Jordan, in her bed. Jordan on top of her. Jordan under her. She could feel her face heating up, but was helpless to stop it.

_Okay, there is definitely something wrong with me. This is ridiculous. Focus, focus._

"Ms. Chase? Ah, Angela?"

"Huh? I'm sorry, I didn't...um, hear you."

"That's because you ah, weren't _listening_." Mr. Katimsky teased.

She shrunk in her seat, thankful that the teacher had moved on. She couldn't wait for this class to end. She could feel Jordan looking at her and though she tried not to look in his direction, she couldn't resist. When she turned her head, his eyes were right on her, a smirk on his lips. She lowered her eyes and faced front again. When class ended, Sharon and Jordan both approached her. Sharon saw the way that they looked at each other and she knew something had changed.

_Maybe__crazy__Graf__wasn't__so__crazy._ She decided to let them be. _But__I__will__**so**__be__asking__questions__later._

"Hey wanna get out of here?" He whispered in her ear.

"Yeah." She smiled.

They walked out to the parking lot hand in hand, saying nothing until they reached the car.

"Hungry?" He asked

"I guess. Where are we going?"

"I dunno, I just couldn't be inside anymore." He reached across the seat and kissed her. "I've been wanting to do that for the last 45 minutes."

"Yeah, me too."

There was something weird between them, almost a shyness, like they wanted to talk about it, but couldn't. He drove a short distance to a pizza shop and pulled into the lot.

"You okay?" He asked, having noticed how quiet she'd become.

"Yeah"

"So, why aren't you talking? You upset about it?" He asked, not really wanting to hear her answer.

"No! Not at all. It's just..." Her flaming cheeks were the only explanation he needed as to what was wrong with her.

He smiled to himself as he walked around to open her door. Taking her hand in his, he led her into the restaurant.

"You can't stop thinking about it." He said teasingly, "You want it all the time, right?" He taunted, whispering in her ear.

"Shut up!" She smacked his arm and turned the brightest shade of red he'd ever seen her become. He watched her slide into a booth while he placed their order. When he joined her at the table he was struggling to contain his laughter.

"I tried to tell you. You could've been getting it for the past like, 4 months." She threw a wadded up napkin at him. "You deprived yourself and now you're mad about it, right? Don't worry," He slipped into his boiler room voice, "we'll make up for lost time."

"Would you shut up?" She was squirming and trying to hide her face as he held her hands so that she couldn't hide behind them.

They were both laughing hysterically and it took awhile for them to regain their composure.

"So, I gotta tell you something." Jordan finally spoke, once the laughter had subsided.

He was looking down, playing with the spice shakers on the table. The pizza guy yelled out that their order was ready and he jumped up from the table to retrieve their food. Her stomach was in knots. What did he want to tell her? Why did she always expect the worse?

He came back to the table with a small pie and some sodas.

"Uh, remember when we went to that house, you know, the one on Cloverdale?" He said tentatively, thinking to himself, _of__course__she__remembers,__you__idiot._

She nods, not sure she wants to hear the rest. In her head, she begs, _"__please,__don__'__t__say__you__were__with__someone__else__that__night.__"_

"Well, I was thinking about it this morning…" He had resumed his fidgeting with the spice shakers. "…after I left your house and…I'm sorry." His eyes met her for the briefest of moments, before he dropped them again. "It was stupid and I'm glad you didn't do it then, because it woulda been all wrong." He looked up at her again, but this time his gaze didn't shift in the slightest. "And I wanted to say sorry for that other stuff I said to you at my house, you know, about how it's expected and…I'm sorry."

She smiled a little, "You were a total jerk; you know that, right?"

He laughs, "Yeah, I know," As he brings a slice to his mouth.

They talked a little about school and an upcoming Residue gig as they ate. Once they were finished, they headed back to Liberty, for afternoon classes. They were early and had a few minutes before they needed to head inside.

"Your mom gets home tonight." He said quietly, running his hands through her hair.

"I know." She shifted a little so that she was tucked nicely into his chest.

"I don't think she'll let me sleep over."

Angela chuckled. "Yeah, as much as she likes you, I think that's pretty much a 'no'."

"I like sleeping with you." His voice was soft, almost like he was talking to himself.

"Well, you should. You spent the better part of this year trying to get me to do it."

"I said _sleep_ not sex." He corrected her.

She looked up at him, surprised that he'd made a distinction.

"I do too. I sleep better when I'm with you, even in that crazy hammock." She smiled.

He kissed her deeply as he pulled her up into his lap. His hands came to rest on her hips and he forced himself to remain still, although his body had other ideas. She broke away first. Her arms rested around his neck and she stared into his eyes. She could tell there was more he wanted to say.

"Anthony's going away soon."

"Where to?" She asked.

"Italy. He'll be gone for a month."

Understanding his unasked question, she responded. "But how would I get out of the house? I mean, I could probably do it once or twice. Maybe get Rickie or Rayanne to cover for me."

"It's not till July." He added.

"We'll figure it out." She assured him.

**xXx**

"You didn't see what I saw. The way they look at each other, it's different." Sharon argued.

"That doesn't mean anything." Rickie argued back.

Rayanne exited one of the stalls and placed her hands on her hips. "I was right, right? I knew I was right. Told you." She sauntered up to her two friends with a smug expression on her face.

"We still don't have confirmation, just Graf's say so. Although, I'm telling you, something changed. Couldn't you tell?" Sharon asked Rickie.

"I haven't even spoken to her today. Where is she anyway?" Rickie asked.

"Don't check the boiler room; you might get an eyeful." Rayanne said laughing heartily.

"Eeewww! You are so twisted. She would never." Sharon protested.

"Yeah, ok. Do you remember your first time? How you wanted it all the time." Rayanne countered, arms folded in front of her. It doesn't escape her notice that Rickie is conspicuously uncomfortable. "Don't worry Vasquez, take notes, you'll see."

"Why do I even talk to you?" He grumbles.

"Because you love me." She blows him a kiss.

"Rayanne, you're friends with Tino, did he say anything?" Sharon asked.

"Okay Cherski, think about this for a minute…Catalano is practically a man-whore, who cares if he got laid? The story here is _her_. This wouldn't like, be news to Tino. Catalano's friends probably think they did it the day they said 'hi' to each other for the first time."

"Well, I just hope she used protection." Sharon comments, unconsciously touching her baby bump.

"Catalano knows the drill." Rayanne responds.

Sharon and Rickie look at her with their mouths agape and then they look at each other. Realizing that what she said sounded like first-hand knowledge, Rayanne backpedals.

"I just meant this isn't like, a new thing for him. I'm sure she was fine. I gotta go."

Sharon and Rickie look at each other, neither wanting to verbalize what just went through their minds.

"I better get going too," Rickie heads for the door.

"Yeah, me too."

**xXx**

Patty sits in the passenger seat of Camille's car looking pale and miserable. They're on their way back to Three Rivers and Camille has spent the last half hour giving Patty a pep talk.

"It's not like I didn't know something was wrong, It's not like I didn't have my suspicions, but I just never thought he would actually…and now this!" Patty says incredulously.

"Well, he did and you have two daughters who need you, so you have to get it together. Patty, this sucks, it does, but you can't let him get the best of you."

"But to threaten to make me sell our home, Camille, I never thought he would sink so low. Even if it's just a ploy like my attorney said, it's still such a hurtful thing to do. How could he? Doesn't he think he's hurt us enough?" Her voice breaks, but no tears come. She wonders if a person can become dehydrated from from crying. If so, it's going to take at least a week before her fluid levels are back to normal.

"He's a sonofabitch and he's gonna get his. If he thinks that you are going to give an inch, so that he can make a life with that slut on the hard work that you put in all these years, on the money that made it possible for his sorry ass to even _have_ this restaurant, he is sadly mistaken. You're not giving an inch; do you hear me, Patty?" Camille glared out the front window, seething as she thought of how broken her best friend was this weekend.

"I don't know, Camille, maybe I should just sign over my share in the place. I don't want it and I don't need it, so why battle over it?"

"First of all, you may not need or want it, but what about your girls? They're entitled to it and if you think that he can be trusted to preserve their interests, I would think that this little stunt has proven otherwise. You have to hold on to that piece of the restaurant for the girls' sake. What if he marries this wench? _She__'__ll_be entitled to his share, not them. Keep it until they're of age and sign it over to them." As much as Camille didn't want to hurt her friend any further, she had to be the voice of reason.

"I never thought about it that way."

"Here's something else you didn't think about. You may not be turning a profit today, but if there's one thing Graham can do right in this world, it's cooking. And that little harpy of his actually seems to know her stuff, where business is concerned, so you can bet your ass Saffron will be successful. Did you know that they were featured on the Morning Show the other day?"

Patty stared at Camille with her mouth open.

"Yeah, I didn't think so. Not only were they featured, but the host mentioned that he and his wife have eaten there regularly since it opened and he declared it their favorite restaurant in the Pittsburgh area. The food guy said they were 'up and coming' and I'm sure they're booked solid for the foreseeable future. That spells success and success spells profit, which means money for you and your kids." Camille glances over at her.

"Second, that bastard deserves to be left with nothing for even thinking about threatening you, so you do your worst. You hold on to your share and make sure you get child support too. Angela's only got a few more years before she's on her own, but he's on the hook for Dani for a good long while."

"Ohmigod, Camille, I don't know if I can do this." Patty shakes her head as she speaks. "If I can fight with him like this. I don't want to take him for everything. I just want my girls and me to be left alone."

"I think we're well past that, Honey. He pulled out the big guns. You've gotta show him that yours are bigger than his. I'm sure the lawyer will tell you all of this, but if he doesn't, _I__'__m_telling you. Bury him. Make him wish he had never met Ms. Hallie Lowenthal." The venom in her voice sends a chill down Patty's spine.

"Hallie's not to blame." She mumbled.

"I'm sorry. Did you just say that the man-stealing hussy is not to blame? Have you lost your mind?"

Patty sighs heavily.

"Angela told me that she saw Graham with a woman back when we were doing the ballroom dancing and that later, she caught him cancelling a date, but she couldn't be sure that it was with the same woman. He was going to cheat; it was a matter of time. If it hadn't been Hallie, it would've been someone else."

"All the more reason to bury him." Camille asserted.

"C'mon Camille, I know you're mad, but you can't be angrier than I am and I don't want to bury him. I just want to get to a place where, I don't know, if I run into him at the grocery store, we can be more than civil. He was your friend and he was there for you when Andy was sick. Did you forget that?

"And you wonder why I'm mad? That's it right there." She gestures toward Patty. "You're too good for him. He's over there scheming to cut you out of a business that you helped establish for _his_ benefit, because you love him and didn't want to see him unhappy and he turns around and leverages the security and familiarity of your home and your concern for your kids to do it? Meanwhile, you aspire to be 'more than civil' to him someday. That! That is why I can say 'bury him!'"

Patty throws her head back onto the headrest and closes her eyes.

"Patty, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so vicious. I'm just afraid that you're going to let him take advantage of you and if anyone deserves to come out ahead in this scenario, it's you, you and the kids. He made his choice and in making it, he's pretty much said 'screw you' to everything else. Let him lie in the bed he's made."

"Thank you, Camille. I know you mean well. I forgot how truly evil you could be." Patty chuckled.

"Yeah, well, be glad I'm on your side."

"Oh, I am. Believe me."

"Okay, well enough of this. We are going to bury him and we're going to look good doing it. To that end, my dearest friend, we're going to have a spa day. You're going to do something with that hair and then you're going to go home, looking fabulous, with your head held high and see your girls." She smiled at her oldest friend. "You should be very proud of Angela, she's been handling things at home with Danielle for two days and as far as I can tell, she's doing a great job."

"Thank God for her Camille. She has been so supportive through this whole thing. I wouldn't have thought so, but she's really been there for me. Danielle, on the other hand…"

"You know what she needs? A swift kick in the pants."

"If I thought it would work..." Patty sighs

xXx

Rickie approaches his locker and sees Brian standing there as if he's waiting for someone.

"Looking for me?"

"No not exactly. I'm avoiding Angela. She was at the other end of the hall, so I came down here."

"I thought you were over this." Rickie say exasperatedly.

Brian slumps against the locker," I did too."

"So what happened?" Rickie asks, genuinely concerned for his friend, who looks completely dejected.

"You can't tell anyone, especially Graf, seriously!" Brian's eyes bore into his own.

"Ok, ok, I promise not to tell a soul." Rickie crosses his heart.

"She did it. With him. Angela had sex with Jordan Catalano and it's killing me."

"How do you know she did it?" Rickie asks with narrowed eyes.

"When I got up this morning, I saw his car pulling out of the driveway and I just…knew" Brian looks up at the ceiling.

"Okay, but you didn't _see_ anything, right? He was just pulling out of the driveway. That doesn't mean they did it."

"Well, I mean, I'm not a pervert, I wasn't like, looking in her window or anything." Brian whispered conspiratorially. "This is Jordan Catalano we're talking about. He doesn't spend the night with a girl and NOT have sex with her."

"Yes, but this is also Angela Chase we're talking about and I'm not so sure that she _did_ do it." Rickie counters.

Rayanne sneaks up behind Brian. "Hey Krakow, still in love with Angela, huh?"

"Wha-no! Don't you have something to do?"

"Yes, I'm doing it." She grins.

Rickie attempts to intervene, "Rayanne, we were in the middle of something."

"Did you get this one on film too, Krakow? In the yearbook, they should put under your picture, _'__most__likely__to__own__a__skin__flick__studio._' I think you've found your calling, Krakow."

Brian looks horrified.

"Well good for Angela. I'm glad it happened in her own bed."

Brian looks at Rickie, who is just as shocked as Brian is, "I've been standing here with you the whole time. I couldn't have said a word to her."

Brian turns to Rayanne, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"The hell you don't. Come on, Krakow spill. What were you doing, sitting in the tree outside your house so you could get the best angle?"

"You're sick!" Brian storms off

"Was it something I said?" Rayanne looks at Rickie with the best doe eyes she can conjure.

"Rayanne!"

"Why do you all doubt my powers?" Rayanne does a mystical dance for Ricky as he rolls his eyes.

"Would you stop it? We need to like, respect her privacy. She obviously doesn't want anyone to know."

"Whatever, wanna go get some Chinese?"

**xXx**

Patty and Camille are in the spa, they're wearing facial masks and their eyes are covered with cucumber slices.

"You know, you're the lucky one in this. Your girls are almost grown and they're smart girls, they'll bounce back. This idiot will be 50 years old, still carpooling and working on school projects, not to mention that he's going to have to figure out how to juggle his business, child support, and that woman he's attached himself to, and whatever spawn they create. Moron."

"I don't wish him any ill will. I just feel like, I don't know, he gets a do-over and I'm just cast aside. It's not like I want to be with him, I actually realized that I don't. I don't want _him_, I want what he has. He has all this passion for his life all of a sudden. I didn't see any of this when we were together. I guess, I want to feel like that too. I want to get excited about something. Is that crazy?" Patty sits up and removes the cucumber slices from her eyes.

"Not at all, why do you think I brought you here?" Camille follows suit. "You've got to get back out there. You're still young and you've always been pretty, you know that. He's not the one with the do-over, Sweetie, he's the one with the do-it-again. He's doing the same things over again. You're the one with the chance to have a whole new life. Angela and Danielle can do most things for themselves and they're at that age when they don't really want you around anyway, so start making a life for yourself."

"I guess you're right."

"Hell yes, I'm right. While you're out there looking for your passion, you need to attract some." Camille laughed a wicked laugh.

"I haven't even thought about dating. God, that scares the hell out of me. I haven't been on a date in over twenty years. I wouldn't know what to say or do. This is crazy. Who am I going to meet anyway?"

"One thing this experience should have taught you is that you don't know what tomorrow will bring. When Andy had his heart attack, I realized that all those things I was putting off needed to get done now, because I may not have tomorrow to do it. You're situation is no different. Start living, Patty because life is short and opportunities are fleeting. If you find someone who makes you laugh and feel good about yourself, go for it."

"I guess you're right. Thanks, Camille. You always know how to make me feel better,"

Camille is looking past Patty. "Don't thank me yet. Guess who just walked in."

**A/N: Happy Chanakwanachristmakah! I think I got everyone in there. If I missed you PM me and let me know. Oh, and Festivus, I forgot Festivus for the rest of us. May all your grievances be aired. LOL So, this was my holiday gift to you. You may leave me one as well, in the form of a review. What do you think about Brian and Amy getting it on? Rayanne's super sleuth skills? Camille, AKA Killer Cherski and her plans for Graham? The other storylines will resume in the next chapter, for those of you who were not consumed with the umming, lol, all two of you. **

**Many thanks to all who have read, favorited, alerted, and reviewed. If I haven't heard from you in awhile or if you've never reviewed, let's close out the year right, with a shout out. Reviews are like fertilizer for a writer's mind. Review now for an abundant harvest later. **

**Happy New Year! **


	37. Snippet

**A/N: Hi Folks, I assume some of you are still with me, since I've received a few PMs over the past year asking about this fic. First, let me apologize for my prolonged absence. It could not be helped. This fic started out as a way for me to cope with the tedious writing that was required of me for the PhD I was working on. It was my creative outlet and it actually helped me to do the more academic writing, but somewhere along the line, it became a huge distraction and I had to put it aside if I had any hope of completing my degree, hence the 1-year hiatus. So, here we are a year and a little later and I'm set to walk in May. I guess you'll be calling me Dr. Luvjordan soon. :-) **

**Longest A/N ever, I know. Okay here's the deal, this is a snippet from the next chapter, which is written, but needs major editing. I've been anxious to get something up on the board in response to your PMs, so I decided this little preview would suffice for now. I'm still writing and editing parts of the dissertation, that's why you didn't get a full chapter. I should be back with a full chapter sometime in May. Just a little more patience, duckies. **

Rickie sat on the steps overlooking the school parking lot as he waited for Rayanne to arrive. He sighed as he went over his biology notes for the second time, frustrated with his inability to retain what he'd learned about the Krebs cycle in the preceding week.

"Why do I even need to know this? I'm never going to medical school, so what does it matter?" He said to no one in particular.

"Hey."

Rickie looked up to where the familiar voice came from, and confirming that it was indeed Corey who had spoken to him, he turned back to his notes.

"Studying for bio?"

"Yeah and it's not going well. I'm kind of busy right now." Rickie replied bluntly.

"Yeah. I'll um- I'll just let you get back to it then. See ya."

Had Corey been paying attention, he would have noticed the slight shake in Rickie's hands and his sudden inability to sit still. Instead, all he saw was how much Rickie wanted to shut down any possibility of a conversation. Rickie took as deep a breath as he could manage without changing his position. He was trying to steady his nerves while looking disinterested, in case Corey was still nearby.

_Why is he talking to me? I thought we weren't talking to each other? Wasn't he the one who said he wouldn't be speaking to me anymore? Great, this is exactly what I need before my bio quiz. One more reason I want nothing to do with Corey Helfrick. He's selfish and clueless and so cute when he's unsure of himself. No, stop it. Just because he's decided he wants to talk to you doesn't mean you should talk to him. It's not all up to him. Have some self-respect. There was a reason you gave him that ultimatum and there was a reason he didn't go for it. Move on._

Rickie's shoulders slumped just a little bit. It would have been imperceptible to anyone around him. Rickie gathered his books and the extra 25-pound he carried around daily in the form of isolation and exclusion, and headed off to class.

**xXx**

_Please be home. Please be home. Please be home._

Corey stood in the hallway for what felt like forever before summoning the courage to ring the bell. He'd gone home after school, but couldn't contain his restlessness, so he ended up outside, walking. An hour later, he'd found himself in front of Rickie's place. He spent another half-hour walking around the block before making his way inside and up the stairs. He alternately stood and sat next to the door for at least another ten minutes, thinking of what he could say to make Rickie listen to him. He wasn't even sure what it was he really wanted to say, but he'd decided that he wasn't going back home without having said it.

The doorbell rang and steps could be heard behind the closed door. The door opened and the two boys stared at one another for a beat too long.

"Why? Just, why?" Rickie stood in the doorway with his arms folded, shaking his head. "Look, Corey, I don't have time for this and to be honest, I don't really have anything to say to you."

"Then just listen. He responded, pleadingly. "You don't have to say anything."

Rickie looked at him for a moment before curiosity got the best of him. He gestured for Corey to come in and take a seat on the couch, taking a seat for himself, across the room. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Corey cleared his throat and snuck a glance at Rickie who was sitting with his legs crossed and his arms folded in his lap. He couldn't have looked more guarded if he'd tried.

"Mr. K home?"

"No, he won't be for awhile. Not enough that you don't want people at school to see us together, now you don't want Mr. Katimsky to see you with me either?" Rickie snapped.

"What? No. I just…I wanted to know if we were alone."

Rickie looked around exaggeratedly, "Looks like it to me."

"So, um, I've been wanting to talk to you for awhile, but I wasn't sure what to say." Corey fidgeted before continuing. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Rickie asked, his tone challenging.

"For walking away from you that day. For not being a good friend…when you needed one."

"Is that what we were, Corey? Friends?" Rickie challenged.

"Yeah, I thought so. I mean, I considered you my friend. I'm sorry I walked away like that. You were so upset and those idiots…I should have made sure you were okay. I should have been there for you."

"Yeah you should have." All of the hurt Rickie had tried to suppress came rushing to the surface and it took all of his will not get emotional. He refused to let Corey see him cry. "Doesn't matter, nothing's changed, Corey. We didn't stop talking because you weren't there for me. We stopped talking because I asked you a question you refused to answer."

Corey dropped his gaze to the floor, which Rickie interpreted as avoidance, serving only to anger him further and leading him to put an abrupt end to the conversation.

"Okay, we're done here. Nothing's changed. Look, you don't have to keep beating yourself up. We're not friends and we never were. Okay? It's fine. I have lots of real friends. I really don't need any more." Rickie spat the words at Corey, his eyes narrowed and his fists balled up. Rickie stood to his feet and began to turn away, losing the battle with his emotions, when Corey grabbed his hand.

"Please." Corey pleaded. Despite feeling completely defeated, he couldn't let their discussion end like this.

"I just don't see the point. I don't know what your problem is, but it's _your_ problem, not mine." Rickie argued, looking down at where they were joined, noticing Corey's hand, still on his wrist.

"Please?" Corey continued to plead.

Rickie rolled his eyes and at took his seat, once again.

Another uncomfortable silence ensued. Corey could feel Rickie boring holes into his skull with the intensity of his stare. Swallowing hard, he summoned all of his courage.

"I-I like you." He stated bluntly, not daring to make eye contact. If he had, he would have been met with Rickie's narrowed eyes and reddening face.

"You like me." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah."

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. He wondered if he had misread Rickie's actions all those Saturdays at the mall and he felt like an idiot.

_Just because he likes guys doesn't mean he likes you._

Corey was mentally beating his head against a wall for having opened this can of worms. He slowly raised his eyes to meet Rickie's and found anger reflected back at him. He panicked and proceeded to babble.

"I should have said something before, but I didn't know how…I'm, I'm sorry. I was just really confused. I mean, I still am, and then I wasn't sure if you felt the same way. I'm really sorry. It's obvious that I like, made a mistake and you don't, so forget I said anything. I'll just go. I'm sorry I like, barged in here or whatever. Let's just forget the whole thing, okay? Sorry."

"Was there a sale on 'sorry' or something, because you're using it a lot." Rickie sniped.

Cory was dumbstruck. He'd never known Rickie to be mean or cruel. Quite the opposite and it was one of the things he loved about Rickie, the depth of his compassion and his sense of fairness. Apparently, he was no longer entitled to be a recipient of any of it.

"C'mon Rickie, this isn't easy." He pleaded.

"Yeah, because it's not like _I_ would know anything about how hard it is to be gay in high school." Rickie rolled his eyes dramatically.

Internally, Rickie warred with himself. He was being intentionally cold and combative because he knew that if he allowed himself even the slightest bit of compassion, he would be powerless against his own romanticism and longing for just what Corey seemed to be offering. From the moment he decided to hear Corey out, he'd launched into his best Rayanne impression.

"I'm not gay." Corey replied.

The mental traffic ground to a screeching halt and Rickie stared at him as though he'd spoken a foreign language.

"Excuse me, but you did just say you like me, right? Did I misunderstand or something?"

"No."

"Okay, let me help you. Boys who like boys? They're gay." Rickie offered in explanation.

"I don't like boys." Corey responded.

"Uh, I'm a boy, Corey." Rickie struggled to bite back a more acerbic remark.

"I know."

"You didn't seem slow before, but now I wonder. See, if I'm a boy and you like me, then you're gay. Get it?"

"It's not that simple." Corey mumbled as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"This is ridiculous." Rickie threw his hands up and then dropped them back into his lap, slapping his thighs in exasperation, questioning why they were still having this conversation.

"Just…listen. I didn't say anything before because I didn't understand what was going on with me. I still don't. I just know that I like you. I really like you." Corey looked everywhere except at Rickie. He had no idea if Rickie felt the same way he did, but it didn't matter, he couldn't seem to stop talking. "The past couple of weeks have been beyond confusing. I think about you…all the time."

"Exactly. Gay." Rickie asserted.

"No."

"No?" Rickie repeated.

"No."

"I don't get it." Rickie shook his head and sighed heavily.

"I don't know what I am." Corey groaned as his hands moved into his hair, tugging at it unconsciously. "I like girls. I've dated girls. I've had sex with girls and I like it…a lot, but then I met you and I don't know. The same way I feel about girls, I feel about you and I don't get it. I've never been attracted to a guy before, so I don't think it's guys, you know, like all guys. I think it's just…you."

Rickie sits mute and staring at Corey.

"Say something." Corey prods, his hands still buried in his hair. "Rickie? Please, say _something_!"

Rickie cocked his head to one side and narrowed his eyes. "Are you saying that I'm like a girl and that's why you like me?"

Corey eyes shot up and he immediately recognized the hurt in Rickie's face. "No! No, that's not what I'm saying. " He closed his eyes in frustration, "Why is this so hard?"

He runs a hand through his hair and Rickie has a random thought that Corey will surely be bald by the end of this conversation if he keeps pulling and tugging at his hair. He decides, in some part of his brain that is not active in this conversation, that it would be a shame for all of that beautiful, dark hair to go away. Eventually, Corey's muttering grabs Rickie's attention.

"I mean, I see the make-up and stuff and I like it on you, but I don't think of you as a girl. You're obviously a guy, but I, um, I want to be with you…the way I have been with girls."

"I don't know what to say to that."

Rickie stood up, wanting to leave, but realized that they were in his house. He needed time to process everything he'd heard, but there was no escape and he couldn't bring himself to order Corey out of the apartment. He made a move to leave the room, just for a moment, when Corey grabbed his wrist.

"Corey, I really…" He started, shaking his head. "I need to-…"

His next words were silenced by a pair of lips moving over his. A hand was on his back of his neck, another was grasping his own. His lips yielded to their counterparts and he relaxed into the embrace, feeling fingers entwining with his. The hand at his back of his neck slid past his shoulders and brought him closer. The lips parted and he felt a warm, soft tongue brush over his bottom lip, begging for entrance. Again, he yielded. It was slow and sensual and it wasn't not until something hard pressed into his front that he consciously realized what was happening. Breaking the kiss, he stepped back and away from Corey.

"Omigod, omigod…" He muttered to himself as he looked back and forth from Corey to the floor in front of him. "What was that?"

"I don't know. I just…had to. I'm sorry if you didn't want me to. I just had to know."

"Know what?" Rickie asked breathlessly.

"What it felt like to kiss you." Corey replied quietly. "What you taste like." The last part of the response was barely audible, but quiet as it was, the effect was titanic.

_What I taste like? Omigod! Does he have any idea what he's doing to me?_

They were both quiet for too long.

"Well?"

Rickie wasn't sure why he asked, but he felt like he had to hear the response and at the same time, he was afraid because if it was the response he'd hoped for, the _keep-Corey-out-at-all-costs_ wall that he'd built would come crumbling down and he would probably be hurt all over again, like he had been with Aaron. He touched his lips and remembered his last kiss. Wincing at the memory, he almost didn't hear Corey's response.

"It was…perfect." Corey's cheeks burned as he looked away. He was sure that Rickie felt something for him given the way he'd returned the kiss and with that, Corey began to feel hope at restoring their friendship.

Rickie wanted to smile as cracks began to form in the wall he'd constructed. He wanted to kiss Corey again, despite the fact that he was completely freaked out by what he'd felt earlier, but the wall was still there, fractured and tenuous, but there.

"What does this mean?" He asked.

"I have no idea." Was Corey's honest reply.

Rickie fought back tears as he turned away.

Corey moved after him, placing a hand on Rickie's shoulder. "I meant that I don't know what to call it, but I know that I want to do that again…with you…a lot." Corey turned Rickie around to face him and smiled. "A lot."

Rickie felt the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and he just didn't have the will to contain it any longer. Corey's lips brushed over his, softly, timidly, until consent was given again. This time it was Corey who was shocked at the feeling of something hard against his own hardness. A tiny, soft moan was heard, or maybe it was two. Corey pulled Rickie down onto the couch, never breaking their kiss. Rickie could feel himself melting into Corey's strong embrace. He wanted nothing more than to feel this way forever. The heat between them was fierce and consuming. It was like nothing Rickie had ever felt before. Each of them surrendered to the moment, a tangle of limbs, and it was this way that Mr. Katimsky found them when he arrived home an hour later.

**As usual, many thanks to Goodnite Girl, who is my trusty beta and has been suffering through this degree right along with me. This is probably a surprise to her as I'm posting on a whim. That said, I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors. I didn't have the self-restraint to submit it for beta'ing before posting. Leave me a review, words of encouragement or even a good cursing out for my prolonged absence. I'd love to hear from you. I miss you guys! **


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